1996-07_03 Vipassana Retreat, Part 3 of 8 - Q&A 4

Talk: 19960703-Larry_Rosenberg-UNK-vipassana_retreat_part_3_of_8-43307 Start_time: 00:56:47 Display_question: What can I do when noticing that I’m irritable? Keyword_search: irritable, walking, meditation, instructions, notice, befriend, irritability, aggression, nonviolence, breathe, in, out, luminescent, clear, boundless, nature, mind, Buddhism, Vipassana, states, coming, going, prejudice, annoyance, love, compassion, hate, mistake, identify, journey, clear, blue, sky, clouds, impermanent, change, changing, cling, conditions, mind, enduring, core Question_content: Questioner: I'm not sure if I was doing the instructions correctly, but I kind of observed since I arrived now that I found that I was very irritable. Larry: You mean the more you meditate, the more irritable you. Questioner: Well, little things, yeah, like I find irritable. Finally, in the middle of one of the walking meditations, I just realized how irritable I was towards everything. Larry: Mhm. Questioner: And then, we went to lunch, came back, and it came up again. And then I was just like, “Oh, you are irritable.” Larry: Mhm. Okay, Some, some… go ahead. Questioner: I’m not sure what to do with that. Larry: I mean… Questioner: Okay, well, you are irritable. Larry: Yeah. Sometimes what happens is people will say, “This meditation is making me more irritable,” or whatever the quality is; it's not limited to that. And, perhaps, sometimes it may be. But very often what it is is you're starting to see a state that has been with you a long time. Questioner: Yeah, I don’t think the meditation is making me irritable. Larry: You're starting to notice. Questioner: I’m starting to notice. Larry: That's right. Okay. So now the question is, do you have to get irritable about being irritable, or can you befriend the irritability? Questioner: Or can I what? Larry: Befriend it. In other words, “Oh, here comes it.” See… Questioner: I don’t think, I don’t feel like I was becoming irritable about being irritable. Larry: Good. Questioner: It was almost like a relief. Larry: Yeah. Questioner: I mean it was like for the first time… Larry: Yeah. Look, as you begin to see your irritability, that's the beginning of the end. If you want to be peaceful and nonviolent, if you just cultivate nonviolence, I think you'll find it limited. You've got to deal with your aggression. It's there. What you do is you're wallpapering it over with, “May I be peaceful. I'm wonderful. May all beings flower. May we all kiss and hug.” That is great. And that changes your mood. But you haven't uprooted it. So both are useful. Both are useful. Break_line: What to do about it? Nothing. If it's become a problem in the seeing here, in the being with the breath here, can you, in a sense, slip in under it and experience the irritability as it is, without trying to fix it? Don't try to turn it into calm, as you breathe in and as you breathe out. Break_line: Let me give you an image of the mind. Until you see this for yourself, there's so many theories and metaphors for the mind, even within Buddhism, even within Theravadan Vipassana Buddhism, which is what you're learning, whether you know it or not. But I think all would agree that the original nature of the mind is luminescent and clear, boundless, no problems. But it's constantly being visited by all these different states. Irritability, prejudice, annoyance, love, compassion, hate. They're just coming and going, coming and going. Now, we mistake that to be us. We identify with these states and then out of that create a notion of who we are. We build a whole story out of, a whole identity out of it. Even meditators do that. The process of meditation is seeing through all of that. Those are, in a sense, clouds that visit. And the journey is to come to a clear blue sky. Now, the clear blue sky is there right now. It's always there. It never went away. It never goes away. But we're not in touch with it because we have so many clouds and we're so attached to our clouds. We have some nice clouds too. Do you see what I'm getting at? Break_line: So here's why I say it not just to be theoretical, but to give you one more concept. But, oh, here comes Irritability. They're like visitors. “Hi.” Eventually you develop that kind of relationship with them and they lose. “Oh, here comes Irritability. Come on and sit down. Have a cup of tea.” Irritability hates that. It just hates being treated nicely. It wants you to feed it, either by repressing it, denying it, or, even better, identifying with it and getting even more irritable. So the practice is there's a purpose to why we're observing this passing show. Now, I don't know if you see it as a passing show. It's a parade. Break_line: Has any–think back to just today: different moods that you were in, let's say, when we started the day. Is it the same? Have you had any thought that's lasted the whole day? Any emotion that's lasted the whole day? Any image that's lasted the whole day? Is your bodily condition identical with the way it was this morning? It's all changing. Everything's impermanent. And we'll go into that much more soon. The reason I hesitate is I didn't know we don't have a full afternoon tomorrow, I just found out. Something called “sampler;” I'm not sure what that is. Questioner: I didn’t think that affected us. Larry: I didn't either, but I think I saw my name there. Questioner: <Inaudible.> Larry: What? What? Questioner: <Inaudible> Larry: Well, I'll find out. I think, I think you're all gonna be here, but other people will join us to find out, get a taste of all this. But anyway… Questioner: <Inaudible> Larry: What? Yeah, if that's what it is, it's fine. Questioner: You could tell them you don’t want that. Larry: Oh, yeah. Instead, just have a regular… Questioner: <Inaudible.> Larry: What? How many people would like to cancel out this sampling stuff? Okay. That means, what, we would have a regular full day. Okay, great. Thank you. I'll do that as soon as I can. I didn't know I had that option. Questioner: It may be too late… Larry: Okay, we’ll treat it as a Chinese restaurant. All right. Questioner: <Inaudible.> Larry: Yes, what was I saying? Questioner: <Inaudible.> Larry: Yes, no, I think I'm finished. What I'm trying to say is, after a while, you see, as they arise and pass away, they arise and pass away. If you watch your mind enough, little by little, you stop getting caught so much, and you can welcome them. Oh, here comes Terror. “Hi, come on in. Sit down. I haven't seen you in about five minutes.” Or whatever it is. Whatever it is. Loneliness. Okay? You start to see them for what they are. They're conditions. They're conditions of the mind. They're impermanent, and they lack an enduring core. They're not solid. The only reason we experience them as solid is because we identify with them. We feed them. We give them energy. We'll go into this more, probably tomorrow. Yeah. End_time: 1:03:41