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Yakman takes on DSFL week 1 play by play with a sexy new mic! Seriously it sounds so good!!
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Yakman takes on DSFL week 1 play by play with a sexy new mic! Seriously it sounds so good!!
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In this episode of Yakkin' with the Yak Man, the host plans to do a live update and play-by-play of the games. He discusses the matchups for the night and shares his personal excitement for his team's game against Norfolk. He also mentions wanting to prove himself as a good user and earn money. The host then starts the stream and provides commentary on the games, highlighting key plays and scores. The game between Tijuana and Bondi Beach is described in detail, with both teams scoring touchdowns. Tijuana ultimately takes the lead in the third quarter. Hello everybody, welcome to Volfzilla's Yakkin' with the Yak Man. This is episode three. Happy to have you here. First episode did not turn out very well because it was really wonky with the microphone. Hopefully that's not an issue tonight. I got an actual microphone plugged up. Second episode was fine, but it was a little rambly because I was doing all that work and getting really distracted so I didn't really have a lot to talk about, to be honest. So tonight, what I'm hoping to do is something that I'm not sure has ever been done. I'm sure it's been done because we're like 46 seasons into this. Surely somebody's tried to do this. I don't know how well it's going to work. It might be a total disaster. But I thought it might be kind of fun to watch the stream from tonight and do a live update as we go. Almost do like play-by-play of all the games and break down kind of the stat lines after the games. So we'll see how it goes. If nothing else, I'll get a three or four million out of it. And if it's a disaster, then I will not do it again. But my wife is at a birthday party tonight for a friend and so I got a little bit of Sailor Jerry rum and a little plastic glass. I got some Oppenheimer, Manhattan Project Beer Company, Dallas, Texas, and Snifter, and I'm ready to go. So thanks for joining us. Quickly, let's run down the games for tonight. So the first game we've got is the defending champ Tijuana Luchadors against Bondi Beach. It was eight and six last year and trying to see the playoff results here. They even with an eight and six record, they did not make the playoffs. So tough for them, but they did a really really good team last year. They had a lot of draft picks. So it'd be interesting to see them. After that, we have London taking on Portland in a North Division matchup. London was four and ten last year. Portland was six and eight. So two teams looking to kind of have a bounce back here. And then after that, we've got Minnesota, who was also not very good last year. Five and nine playing against Kansas City, who won their division despite only being seven and seven. And ended up, let's see, yeah, ended up making it to the championship where they were blown out by Tijuana. So and then our last game of the night is my Dallas Birddogs playing against Norfolk. And Norfolk, I mentioned them in the last podcast, is the team that I played with a second half of last season. Thought, felt pretty good about going back there in the draft. Felt like they wanted me. I wanted to go back. Felt like the fit was right in probably the second or third round. And they decided to go elsewhere. Get another linebacker, Thunder Titan. I mean, obviously, he's a really good user. Been around a long time. But I don't know, I was pretty pretty miffed about it as I've made clear on my old episode, so, or my last episode. So I'm pretty excited to play them tonight, and hopefully I show them what they missed when they didn't draft me. One of the comments that I got when I brought up the fact that they didn't take me, was that I didn't have a lot of money. So that's another reason I'm doing these podcasts, is so I can earn a lot of money and say, hey, I'm a good user, and I have a lot of money, and I'm a cool person. So I don't know why you wouldn't want me on your team. I might be a tad unwilling to let things go, as you've probably seen. But anyways, so let's try this. I don't, I'm not really sure how this is going to work, but we will try. I'm going to stream this, so if you want to follow along, I'm going to play the video at just a regular 1x, so that I can actually have some time to like, call what I see on the field. I don't obviously have everybody's rosters memorized or anything like that. It's also only week one. I imagine if I do this a few more times that I'll get better at it, but since it's only week one, it would not surprise me if I make a lot of mistakes, but just bear with me, and yeah, hopefully you enjoy. Hopefully it's just a different way to take it in. Obviously a lot of you have probably already watched it, but you can watch it back, or those of you that did not get to watch it, can watch it with some live commentary, which might be kind of fun. So with that, I'm going to hit play now, if you want to hit play with me. I'm going to hit play in three, two, one, and I am on the, I guess I don't really know how to do it. I just got to the field, to the Bondi Beach field. So yeah, now I'm going to hit play. I'll pause it there, and let me put this full screen mode. So Bondi Beach is going left to right, and big eight yard gain on their first play. A nice nine yard run on first and ten, all the way down to the 31 already, to the 22, and they are just bouncing around. 22, and they are just pounding the rock with Luroc, and it is now second and seven, and Buggs steps back to throw to Sticky Buggs, doesn't get it, and on third down, Luroc, I thought he was throwing it back, he was the DT, gets a sack for ten yards, and Jenkins has to kick a field goal. So it's three nothing Bondi Beach, and Tijuana will start going the other way. Patter with a 13 yard catch. Ooh, big gain, 27 yards to Ben from Patty O'Duck. Patter again for five. Big run by Trevor. O'Duck completes the patty again, or patter, oh, and a huge runoff tackle by Corey Trevor. Cuts it back to the inside for a 28 yard touchdown, and it is six to three, pending the PAT, seven to three, and Bondi Beach will take over at the 23, going the other way. A dropped pass, dropped pass, and an 11, I'm sorry, seven yard gain there, but it's not enough for the first down, and they'll punt it away. Tijuana takes over their own 40, incomplete. Oh, this time it's another huge gain to Ben for 22 yards. He's been great so far. Patter falls incomplete. Big run by Corey Trevor, 16 yards off left tackle, and they're driving again. Patter, incomplete. Konkowski with a 14 yard gain, down to the seven. A run by Trevor for three, and a toss to Patter again for three yards and a touchdown. This one's getting ugly early, 14 to three in the first quarter. Bondi will start their own 18. Oh, a big run there from Ferducci, 17 yards. And a short gain following that. Seven yard run by Buggs. A toss to De La Rosa for five, and a first down. Incomplete, play broken up. Seven yard run by Ferducci. Oh, and a huge run, he's going to go all the way. Screw Ferducci, goes 44 yards for the touchdown. Went a little pitch out to the right, and his kick is good. It's 14 to 10. Tijuana has been really dangerous early, though. Let's see if they can keep the momentum going. A couple runs off to the right bring nothing. And an incomplete pass means a three and out, and we'll have a punt. Bondi takes over at their own 20, a five yard run. Oh, there's a pass, and complete decrypted for 16 yards. A huge run again by Drew Ferducci, 13 yards, first down. And there's a catch by the tight end, Sticky Hands McGee, for a first down. Second and 11 after a short loss. Ten yard completion, and then Buggs will rush for five yards for the first. Ferducci for 14 yards, down to the four. And let's see, we've got a false start. Ferducci takes it to six, so back to where they were. And Buggs will keep it himself and rush it in for five yards. And Bondi takes the lead, 17 to 14, with 5.37 left in the second quarter. This is kind of fun, actually. Corey Trevor goes three yards. Oh, a big run there by Trevor for 15. Both offenses are just killing it early. And it is now third and four. A nice catch by Patter there to get the first. Oh, and a huge sack by Piglet the Small, seven yard sack on first down. So it'll be second and 17, and that brings up the two minute warning. An incomplete pass, long third down. They only get six, and they'll have to punt. 140, we'll see if Bondi can go the length of the field, 95 yards. 15 yard by Ferducci will get them started. That's not a bad way to do it. About a minute left. Another big run, this time by Robin, nine yards. Ferducci gets the first, 35 seconds left. They're almost at midfield. Sorry, that's Robin. Bust off a big run, 11 seconds left, but the time's going to run out. So Tijuana will start with the ball in the second half, and they start with a 23 yard rush by Corey Trevor. Big way to start the second half. Toss there for about, sorry, that was incomplete. Kronkowski catches an eight yard gain as they cross midfield. Corey Trevor, 13 yards, he is just killing it. Incomplete pass there, we got second and 10. Four yards to Trevor on the angle, and it's going to bring up... Oh, they get a first on a penalty, I think. But then they get called back for holding. So first and 20 from the 21. Oh, and sorry, I kind of lost the thing there, but Ben catches the pass for a 13 yard gain, and that is a touchdown. Tijuana takes the lead back, and now Bondo will start from their own 11, down 21 to 17. See if they can get going, third and three. Oh, and they're stopped, and they're going to have to punt. And Tijuana will take over, looking to add to the lead. Two yard run by Lynch. A little dump for Lynch, another two yards. And then incomplete, so a three and out. Five minutes left in the third, Bondo will start from the 23. And a seven yard gain there, but penalties both ways, and it's back to second and three. I don't know if those are offsetting or what. They get the first down on a run. Then Buggs goes for 10 yards himself. Stickyhands drops it. A couple of drop passes there, and it's third and 10. Another drop, and they'll have to punt. All three of those passes were wide open. And a big run by Cory Trevor for 11 yards. Oh, and it's picked off. Mann intercepts it and returns it for 17 yards to the 20. They're going to be in the red zone, looking to take the lead. What a play. And right away, Froducci takes it six yards on the run. He runs again for two. It's third and one. And this time it's Buggs keeping it himself again for five yards. He's been really good in these goal line situations. But now it's third and goal from the five. And Froducci is stopped, and they're going to have to kick the field goal. And bring it within one. So Tijuana gets bailed out by their red zone defense there. And at the start of the fourth quarter, it's Tijuana 20, Bondi Beach 20. I'm sorry, Tijuana 21, Bondi Beach 20. And Tijuana is looking to drive down the field. There's a big run by Cory Trevor for 10. Let's see, second and four after that batter completion. Trevor goes for nine. They've crossed midfield now. Trevor for five. Second and five. Trevor for five. First and 10 from the 35-yard line. Trevor stops for a short gain. Thrown out to patter, but it falls incomplete. And then they get a false start. So it's going to be third and 15. And Ben drops that one. And the punt goes all the way to the two and is down there. So Bondi's going to have to go literally the length of the field. It's third and three. And they get stopped off to punt. Huge field position switch as Tijuana will take over at the 35-yard line. The Bondi 35. And there's a toss out to Ben. Complete for first down. Hands it off to Trevor for three. Ben again for six. First down from the five. And dumped off to destroyer. Gets it to three. Loss of two. Incomplete. Both broken up by the rabbit. And they'll hold them to... Bondi will hold Tijuana to field goals. It's a four-point lead. 241 left. Can Bondi make something happen? Sticky hands for 11. He'll take it out to the 30. This time it's a catch made by Bernadrick. Bernardrick for 15. Out to almost midfield. Two incomplete passes. Bring up third and 10. A third incomplete. They're going to go fourth on fourth and two at the game on the line. And that one falls incomplete. Turnover on downs. They'll have to get three stops and three timeouts. They've got two. It's third and 10. And they stop them. They get the ball back. And again the ball is... No, I'm sorry. It's a touchback. So they got about 37 seconds to go to length of the field. Down by four. And they just cannot string complete passes together. Oh, but there's a big one for De La Rosa. He'll get a first down. 26 seconds to go. But the clock is moving. They got no timeouts. And this will be the last play of the game. And Bernadrick catches it. But they can't get past midfield. And Tijuana takes the week one matchup 24 to 20. With some big stops. Taking a look at the stat line. The running backs were just outstanding today. So 161 yards from Corey Trevor. And a touchdown. 6.7 yards a carry. Friduchi 146. 7 yards a carry. Also with a touchdown. And then on top of that the quarterback Buggs ran for 60 himself. So almost even a little bit more rushing yards for Bondi Beach. It was the receivers of Tijuana that really made the difference. Especially Ben with six catches for 89 yards and a touchdown. Patter really slowed down after that first drive. But made a few really big catches on that first drive. Only one turnover in the game. And that was a big one by Tijuana as they threw an interception to Bondi Beach. But it didn't end up costing them too much as they only got a field goal out of it. So all in all a great first game. Really back and forth. Big win by the defending champs. But Bondi Beach looked to be a much better team than they were last year. And now we'll go to London and Portland in game two. So we have the kickoff. And let's see. Portland is going to be going left to right. Van Gogh the quarterback is out throwing on the first two plays. His third and sixth. And that one is dropped and they're going to have to punt. So great field position for the Royals starting at midfield. A incomplete pass on first down. Oh a big throw and catch. But it's nullified by a penalty and they'll have to go back. But it doesn't matter because in the next play they'll throw it again. And Don Quixote will take it 63 yards down to the two yard line. And they'll run it on the next play. Hadrian Peterson. Love that name. Two yard touchdown and a 7-0 lead for the London Royals. Portland will start from their own 20. Van Gogh throwing to Wolfe who drops it. Or it's incomplete. Again going for Wolfe. Incomplete. Again going for Wolfe. And this time he takes it for 15 yards. Tackled by Poop Eater. The runner back Gurley finally gets his first rush of the game. And then it's right back to Wolfe for another first down. Rolls out. Big throw to Wolfe. He had him. But he missed him. Higbee the second catches it for two and it's third and eight. And they're going to have to go for it after the fourth. Their down attempt comes up a couple yards short. So here comes London with their second drive. And they're going to go three and out and punt. And Portland will start at their own 38. It's R. Ray. I don't know if it's Ray Ray. Pass interference penalty there. And Wolfe catches a nine yard pass. And then it's the other way to Ray Ray. I'm going to call him. I don't know what his first name is. Dump off to Gurley for six. This time it's Irons. But it's going to be called back. Third and 14 now. A run by Gurley. And he'll get to the 29. And I'll have to kick a field goal. And it's seven to three. Here comes London from their own 29. A run by Ford for the first time today. Another run by Ford. And he'll get the first down. This time it's Hadrian Peterson. Running a couple yards. Ford for six. It's third and three. And a big run by Ford for the first down as they cross midfield. Second quarter starting. It's seven three London. Oh Don Quixote does not catch that one. He was wide open. And then on third and 10 they go the other way. And this time it's complete to Wilson. 42 yards. He's going to juke his way to the end zone. And it is 14 to three London. Big huge play. And here comes Portland now. Trying to get something going. They'll pass to Ray for 15 yards. The next play is a short run. Gurley two yards. And an incomplete pass. So they have three and out. So London will start from their own eight yard line. A run for two. A run for three. And an incomplete pass. Broken up by Dangerson there. So three and out. And Portland will have great field position. A couple of penalties will move them up to midfield. Neutral zone infraction. First and five. Gurley picks up one. Or two. Then he gets a first down in the next play. 742 left in the second. Gurley rushes for one. Gurley rushes. No, sorry. Van Gogh for two. It's third and 11. Catch there by Wolfe for 15 yards. And that's a first down from the 18. Bootheater breaks up a pass. Gurley rushes for seven or eight. It's first and goal. And he's... Is he in? No, he's not in there. A one. This time Gurley will rush it in. Gucci Gurley. His first touchdown of his career. And it is 14 to 10. The Royals lead. And they'll get the ball back. Oh, and a huge sack by Flapjacks. Sacks them for 11 yards. And London backed up to their two-yard line. It's going to be second and 21. They dump it off and it's dropped. Third and 21. It's missed. So they'll have to punt out of their own end zone. And Portland will start at midfield with a chance to take the lead. Drop pass on first down. Broken up by Bootheater on second down. Falls incomplete on third down. And they have to punt. So London takes over. A little bit better position this time. Gets the ball out to Don Quijote for 16 yards. And a first down. Tackled by Fart. He loves seeing that. Oh, and another dump off. This time to Wilson again. 50 yards. All the way down to the 15. So he has been Mr. Big Play today. And they're on. I don't know what it was. But Aaron Ford's going to run it in from nine yards out. And London is going to take a 21 to 10 lead. With one, excuse me, one minute left in the second. Gurley drops a pass. Broken up by Bywater. Third down. Nine yards. And they're going to have to punt. 42 seconds to see if London can tack anything else on. They're going to run the ball. And probably run out the clock. Although they do get a first down. But we'll go to the second half. London, 21 to 10. And London gets the ball back. They run for one on the first down. Ford gets the, sorry, eight yards. And a first. Adrian Peterson runs for four. Wilson catches for four. It's third and one. And Wilson gets the one. First and 10. Peterson, short gain. McDiddle, four yards. And Aaron Ford goes around. And there's a penalty. It's going to take it all the way down to the 27. And Ford rushes for 13. Now it's first and 10. Ford again for nine. Second and one. Oh, but it looks like a fumble. The bot, Danucci forces a fumble. And it's recovered by unit bot. I don't know whose team that is. Yes, Portland has the ball at the four. They stop them. Bot crime. Bot on bot. I don't know. Bots everywhere. But they go three and out. So it doesn't matter. And here comes London from their own 31. Short gain. Dump off. To Peter, uh, I don't know who that was, number eight. And he completes his L punt. Lots of defense now. Portland has got to get something on this drive if they want to compete. Six yard gain on the out route. Gurley rushes for three and gets the first. Toss up to Van Gogh. Or from Van Gogh was dropped. Irons again. This time he catches it for six. And Higby stretches. It's fourth and inches though. He won't get it. And they punt. And it's London who has the ball now. Two incomplete passes to start that drive. And then a catch for six yards. But they'll have to punt. Portland again. Just kicking that can down the road. They're going to run out of time if they don't get a score. Gurley with a big run off the left tackle for seven. It's first and ten. A catch by Ray for ten. Second and five from their own 34. A pass to Irons is incomplete. Irons has had a rough game. And now they're going to have to punt. So here comes London. Fourth quarter starting. London up 21 to 10. 21 to 10. Oh, a huge run by Hadrian Peterson for 22 yards. Another big run for Peterson for 10 yards. See that quarterback? I don't really... I don't know what's going on there. No, McDiddle's the quarterback. So they just have two runbacks. They kick a field goal. And it's 24 to 10. So Portland has really run out of time. We've got to get a touchdown. A pass to Wolf is complete for eight. It is now third and one. Fourth and one. And they're going to punt with nine minutes left. I guess they're hoping for a stop. But any score from London is pretty much going to put this thing away. And a first down to Tez on the five yard out route. Peterson runs around the right side for a short gain. Forward for three. It's third and seven. And a huge catch by Don Quixote. He goes for 15 yards on a first down. Aaron Ford goes seven yards off the left tackle. And then a little dump. He dumps it off to Ford. But he sneaks through the middle of the field and rushes in. Scampers in for 37 yards and a touchdown. And this one is over. Four minutes left. London leads 31 to 10. And Portland has not been able to put together any semblance of an offense. Gurley has not been great. He's been getting stopped. He's been getting stopped. He's been getting stopped. There's a big play there. They're kind of in a soft coverage. And he hits Irons for 22 yards. But it's going to be too little too late. Incomplete there. Let's see. Ray for 10 yards. They're moving a little bit against this little umbrella coverage. Wolfe takes it for 21 yards. Now they're starting to string passes together. But again, it's too late. And it's probably just because it's against, you know, umbrella coverage. He hits the tight end there. Higby the second for a touchdown. So they'll get some garbage time points. We'll see if they go for the onside kick here. It is recovered by Portland. So maybe it's not over. They're still down 14 though. And that's going to do it as it's intercepted by Brothers. And returned for 45 yards. They do still have a couple timeouts. So they'll have to run the ball. But let's see. With that timeout, he uses the last one. He gets the first down. And they'll kneel the ball from the six-yard line. London will go to 1-0 on the season with a 31-17 victory that was iced by a Brothers interception. And again, it's just too little too late for Portland. They couldn't do anything at all. They hit Wolfe, you know, five or six times in that first half. But after that, that dried up. Nobody else could catch the ball. Irons had a particularly bad day, in my opinion. Gurley, they kept running him, but he wasn't getting any yards. And yeah, it was just a tough day for Portland offensively. And as soon as the stats come up, we'll take a look at that. So 31-17 again for the Royals. McDiddle threw for 278 yards and two touchdowns for London. Ford had a nice day, 93 yards and a touchdown. Also 49 yards, receiving and a touchdown. Peterson, 58 yards and a touchdown on the ground. Akihote, probably my player of the game for London, didn't score, but had 109 yards on five receptions. Portland, like I said, they got some garbage time catches there. Wolfe had a decent game, 8 for 83. Ray, 8 for 6. I thought Irons ended up with 54 yards, but it targeted 13 times and only had 6 catches. Same with Wolfe, targeted 15 times and had 8 catches. So just not converting those attempts. Van Gogh threw the ball 47 times and only was averaging 4.9 yards per completion, so not great. Gurley, 18 attempts, 44 yards. So again, he's just not going to win games with 5 yards a catch and 2 yards a run. That's just not going to do it. So yeah, tough game offensively for Portland. Defensively, I thought they played fine, but I don't know. Defensively, I thought they played fine, but just gave up the big play too many times. That flapjacks interception was huge, but unfortunately the offense couldn't convert. It's the second game like that we've seen. Next up is one of my old teams, the Minnesota Gray Ducks, against the Kansas City Coyotes. And we'll start with a kickoff with Kansas City going left to right on the purple field. One yard for Mediocre. Jimmies runs for 7. Third and 1 and a first down by McRobinson. They've got 3 running backs? McRobinson runs for 7. A 5 yard run by Nook. That's where I've seen like 5 running backs already. Okay, I guess Jimmies is a receiver. Jimmies with a huge catch. Mediocre runs for 6. McRobinson runs for 1. It's 3rd and 5. And he missed it. He missed the field goal. So now we're going the other way with Minnesota. They cross midfield. 1 yard gain. It's 2nd and 8. Incomplete pass. And then on 3rd down, Wiley Coyote, the GM, gets a huge sack and a fumble. And I think they recovered it. No. Minnesota recovered it in punts. Mediocre runs for 1. Runs for 2. 3rd and 6. Pass out to somebody. It's incomplete. It's hard to see on this field what's going on. But they end up punting. So Kingbrook takes a 12 yard run for a 1st down. Mascarpone 2 yards. A throw out to Rose for 8 and a 1st. A throw out to Rose again. And there's a penalty. But I'm not sure who it was on. It's 2nd and 10. Seems like it's going a lot faster than before. Incomplete pass. 4th and 10. They'll kick a field goal and it will be good. Alright, so here comes Casey. Ooh, a sack from Sauerwein for 6 yards. It's going to be 2nd and 16 after the big sack. They're on 11. Incomplete pass there. And a drop. And then they'll punt. So here comes Minnesota with a 3-0 lead. Dumps it out to Rose for 6. A run up the middle by Swaggart for 10. A throw out to Swaggart on the outside for 17. The 2nd quarter starts. And it's a run by Mascarpone for 6. They're inside the 10. But a Minnesota penalty will bring it back to the 10. Ooh, and an incomplete pass on 3rd down means another field goal. It's 6-0 Minnesota early in the 2nd. Mediocre runs for 0 yards. Ooh, a throw to McCoy and he'll cut inside for a 20-yard gain. And then a knock will rush for 12. So Kansas City moving the ball. And a knock again for 11. Across midfield. A throw out to the right. This time for Szyslak for 12. Mediocre for 2. I keep giving the ball to Knuck. Mediocre takes it for 10. First and 10 inside the red zone now. Knuck takes it for 3. Mediocre pass falls incomplete. I guess Jimmies is a quarterback. I don't know what's going on with this Kansas City offense. And did they miss the field goal again? And this time it's a pass out to Swaggart. For 30-something yards. Swaggart again for 17. They're inside the red zone. Minnesota dumps it to Rose for 6. A rush by Mascarpone. It's 3rd and 3. Oh he got the first down. A 4-yard catch. And first and goal from the 5. And he throws it. He didn't score but there was an unsportsmanlike conduct. So it takes to the 1. And Swaggart will rush it in. It is 13-0 Minnesota. Kansas City I think has missed 2 field goals. I'm just going to come back to Haun. But on the first play from Scrimmage. On that drive they go 40 yards. Through the air. It's 3rd and 5 now though. After a couple of misses. McCoy takes a 6-yard catch on 3rd down and converts. And it's now 2nd and 10. McRobinson is the quarterback. I don't know what is going on. Finally caught up. And this time. They have 2 quarterbacks. That's why. Jimmies throws the ball to Sislak. And he takes it. He throws the ball to Sislak. And he takes it 32 yards for a touchdown. I don't know what is going on with Kansas City's offense. But it doesn't matter. Now the defense forces a fumble. It's recovered by Reynolds. And oh. He's on Minnesota. So Minnesota will keep the ball. Big run by Swaggart for 12 yards. And that will end the half. Minnesota is up 13-7. They will get the ball back. Oh a huge play. A throw. It's going to be a 61-yard gain to Junior. Senior. Junior. I don't know his name. And then a touchdown to Pizza. From turn the ball over. Passes it to Pizza for 5 yards. The kick is good. 20-7. Kansas City early. 2nd and 6 after a 4-yard run. 1st down to McCoy. On a pass. I guess they are running 2 quarterbacks. It's weird. Mediocre runs for 13. 1st down. Jimmies runs for 7. McRobinson passes to Bonnet. McRobinson passes to McCoy for 13. 1st and 10 for the 29. Oh it was wide open. And he dropped it. That's my least favorite thing on the Sims. When they are wide open. And they just throw the ball. And he missed another field goal. Oh my god. It's 20-7. They missed 3 field goals. It could be 20-7 plus nothing. And it's not. And now Minnesota is driving. But they will have to punt it away. After a quick 3 and out. In case they will start at their own 7. You are in line. A big run by Mediocre. For 14. Another big run by Jimmies for 9. 2nd and inches. 1st down to Mediocre. For 7 yards. Jimmies will run for 5. Another big run for 4. 3rd and inches. Complete pass to Bonnet for 5. And a 1st down. 2 minutes left in the 3rd. There's a penalty there. A big penalty. 2nd and 18. 3rd and 17. 2nd and 18. 3rd and 17. Dumps it off. And it's going to be... Oh, I guess there was a penalty. Because that was only a 3-yard gain. But they got a 1st down. But now it's 3rd and 10. Oh, and a huge conversion there. As Bonnet takes it 19 yards. To the Minnesota 14. 2nd down. That one is dumped off to Bonnet for 6. And a 1st down. 2nd and 18. And that one is run in by Purdy Mediocre. For 6 yards. And a touchdown. 4 seconds left in the 3rd quarter. It is 20-14. The story of this game is going to be the 9 points left on the board. By the Kansas City Kicker. That could be the difference in this game. Oscar Pony runs it for 10. For Minnesota. And then a throw. Again for 32. Huge gain there. And it is recovered. A fumble. And a recovery by DeWilliams Beard. And Kansas City has the ball going the other way. He did turn the ball over. And here comes Kansas City. 9 yards on the first 2 plays. And then a dump out to Szyslak for 15. A throw. For 5 to Bonnet. He run off the left tackle by Mediocre. For 3. And it's 3rd and 1. And they stop him. Just 4 field goals. Stop taking the fucking ball. What are you doing? It was 4th and inches too. 20-14 now. Holy crap. That's 12 points. This game would be 26-20 Minnesota. I can't believe it. And now. I mean KC. And now KC is starting to win 1 after a punt. 3rd and 2. And it's caught. Szyslak. He's had a really great game. Mediocre for 2. There's still in it. 250 left. 3rd and 7. 4th and 7. And he completes it. Mediocre for 10 yards on the first down. And then a warning. A 20-yard catch by Mediocre. They're only down 6 people. A 10-yard catch by Knuck. They're driving. And it's caught by Mediocre for 5. Oh. And it's intercepted by Poop Eater Jr. And that might do it folks. KC only has one timeout. There was no receiver in the vicinity. They used their last timeout. They run the ball. And get the first down. And now we're going to nail it out. And a close win. I got to say. Minnesota escapes. They're 4 missed field goals from Kansas City. And even then. Kansas City was thriving. To take the lead on the last possession. And complete it. Toss after pass after pass. And just a terrible throw. By. Intercepted by Poop Eater Jr. Whatever his name is. And that'll do it. That was a great game. That was fun to call. Let's look at the postgame stats. As soon as they arrive. Alright. Turn the ball over. 211 yards. He was pretty efficient. He did have that big fumble. Again. KC ran out of 2 quarterback systems. McRobinson got 2 thirds of the plays. 24. He was 15 of 24. But he did throw that huge interception. No touchdowns. Jimmy's 6 of 12. So not bad for 82 yards and a touchdown. Did not throw an interception. Mediocre. Had a really good game. 77 yards on the ground. 70 yards through the air. On the other side. Jr. I don't know what his first name is. But I'm hoping it's Senior Jr. 208 yards. A couple of really big plays. Pizza only had one catch. But it was a touchdown. And then runnable Swaggart. They kind of had a 3 hitter monster going. But Swaggart came 51 yards on the ground. And had a big touchdown. The difference to me was that Noer, the Minnesota kicker. Kicked 2 field goals. And made them. Meanwhile. The bot kicker, Brown. From Kansas City missed 3. Inside 39. And 1 inside 49. His plots weren't that bad. But good lord. What a weird way to lose. Defensively. Obviously Poop Eater Jr. The huge game. 6 tackles. And obviously the game stealing interception. There was a big play on the other side. By DeWillio's Beard. He had a sack strip fumble. Recovered the fumble. That gave Kansas City a chance to stay in it. So good game defensively for both teams. But in the end. It was a story of special teams. And now we move on to the last game. It's Dallas Birddogs. Against Norfolk. Norfolk. Norfolk. And again this was my team. So look out for Hugh Jackman. A huge run for 14 by Hammerfell. On the first play of the game. It is 1st and 10. Another run for 11 by Hammerfell. He's a rookie. He does not look like it. A big throw and catch. To Frost. From Chaperson down to the 1. And it's going to run in by Reginald Hammerfell. And a 1 yard touchdown. And the ball kicker makes the extra point. It's 7-0 Dallas. So we'll get our first look at Jackman. He gets a tackle there on the first play of the game. In the outside linebacker position. He's wearing number 8. Which is kind of cool. And they force a 3 and out. So good defense there. A 9 yard catch. But then an unnecessary roughness. Will move the ball even further. And a big 3rd down conversion. To Rounder for 10. And Dallas is moving the ball. Frost drops that one. Fernandez catches the ball for 11. Inside the 10. And then we get a little out route. Touchdown by Fernandez. On the next play. McChaperson to Fernandez. 8 yards. And just like that it's 14-0 Dallas. Great start. That's exactly what you want to see. Oh, broken up by Green Beans. Oh, and on the next play. Green Beans forces the fumble. And Watt recovers it. So it's going to be 1st down Norfolk. But Green Beans with two great plays. Back to back. That one's dumped off to Snapper for 2. It's 3rd and 8. Oh, a big 1st down by Hannah. McCrunchy with a great play. Or with a drop. Yakman. Hey, that's me. Big sack. 6 yard sack. That's what you're missing when you don't draft the Yakman. And it's 3rd and 16. And they're not going to get it all back. And they're going to have to punt. So here goes Dallas. Looking to add to their 14-0 lead. Huge gain there. Just dancing in the field. Fernandez has just had an outstanding first half in his first game. Hammerfield runs for 9. He's been great. All these rookies are turning out. Let's see. 2nd and 10. McChaperson throws to Fernandez for 6. McChaperson. Oh, it's dropped. They'll have to kick the field goal. But guess what? Our bot kicker is good. He makes the field goal. It's 17-0. And here comes Norfolk in the second quarter. It's 2nd and 8. Let's see. A 6-yard gain there. And then Dyson will run for 15. Dyson will run for 5. A penalty. Oh, and a big sack by Negs. Go to http://imnegs.net With the sack. What a stupid name, but I love it. Let's see. 1st and 10 after a defensive holding call. Green Beans broke the play up. Ah, but then Norfolk will score on a 17-yard catch by Hannah from Dyson. And that's going to be 17-7. 11-55 left in the second quarter. McChaperson is going to throw it around her for 12. McChaperson tries to go back to Fernandez, but incomplete. But then a pass to Frost. Is he going to take it all the way? It takes it 75 yards for a touchdown. What a way to answer back in Dallas. Jumps out to a 24-7 lead here in the second quarter. The return will bring him all the way out to midfield. Dyson runs for 8. Dyson throws, but it's incomplete. Dyson throws. It's broken up by Retriever. Dyson throws. First down. Dyson runs. Dyson runs for 6. First down. Penalty on Dallas. This time Newton runs for 7. First and goal. Dyson throws to Hannah. Incomplete. And he's sacked, and he fumbles the ball. Junior. Garlick Junior. Uh... Yeah, they got the ball. He sacked him. He fumbled him, and he got the ball back, I think. Oh, but then McChaperson throws an interception. Charge. The GM at the 27-yard line. Will take it back to the 17. And here comes Norfolk down 24-7. That's third and two. Big third down. They're going to run it. First down for Dyson on the sneak. And then a throw, and it's caught by Watt for one yard. And a touchdown. And a kick is good. It's going to be 24-14. There's 3.51 left in the second. McChaperson is going to get him started here in the second. A big throw and catch again by Fernandez. Outstanding first game. McChaperson throws a rounder for six. Hammerfell rushes for three. They've gotten away from Hammerfell. He was killing him in the first drive. Let's see. It's now third and eight. Oh, and Hardman. That's the guy they picked over me. Sacks McChaperson there for seven yards. Big sack. For some reason we called a timeout before we punted the ball. That doesn't make any sense. And Sewage Joe with the sack down to the one-inch line. And Norfolk. Oh, but they run it out and get a ten-yard gain there. It's third and five. And on the third down, it's incomplete and off the punt. Now Dallas will start this drive in Norfolk territory. They can't do anything with it but they kick a 50-something yard field goal with their bot kicker and it's good. Some bot kickers are just built different. And we go to the third quarter, second half. Dallas leads 27-14. Norfolk has the ball. A nine-yard run by Blaze. Gets a first down. Newton rushes for five. Tackled by Jackman. Blaze runs for five. Tackled by Baba. First down. Newton runs for five. We go the other way now. Manusco for 11 and a first. It's Blaze the other way for eight. It's Newton the other way for four and a first. They just keep flipping. Snip, snap, snip, snap. Finally, they pass the ball. It's completed to Blaze for five. It's third and three. That's passed to McCrunchie for nine yards and a first down. They're inside the ten. And a touchdown. Elijah Dyson will run it in for seven yards and a touchdown and bring this to a six-point game, a one-possession game. Dallas starts off with the ball at their own 33. McTrapperson throws it out to a rounder for 17 and a first. Second and ten now after an incomplete. Turnbull catches it for five and then a false start. It brings them back five and then a sack by Lloyd Bornstein for 11 yards. It's going to be third and 20, sorry, fourth and 20. They're going to have to punt. And a dump off there to McCrunchie actually goes for 18. Norfolk is still in this. They're only down six. Here in the third, they're going to run for a first down. They're going to run again. This time though it's a fumble forced by Fergie. Recovered by Fergie. And it's going to be a turnover. Dallas is going to start at their own 38 yard line. A two-yard run there. Incomplete pass. And another incomplete pass. They'll have to punt. But at least they ate some clock. It's still only a six-point game though. Blaise runs for five. Off to the left for Newton. Another short game tackled by Yakman. And another short game. They're going to three and out and have to punt it. Dallas with the pass. Out to the left. And that is a rounder for 43 yards. Into the 22-yard line of Norfolk. Chaperson. Two incomplete passes. And then a third incomplete. They'll have to kick it. But the balk kicker is good again. It's now a two-position game. And another fumble. This time tackled by Bobber. Recovered by Sina. I don't know whose team that's on. Yeah, we got the ball. Dallas gets the ball. And they're down to the 21-yard line. Dumps it off to Turnbull for 10. A first down. Chaperson to rounder for six. They're at the four. A run by Jones for a short game. A run to the left. Hammer fell in to the TD. And it is 37-21. Dallas leads by 16 with 11.30 left in the game. Big run there by Newton. Off to the left. But that would call back for a penalty. But then a long pass to Hanna for 24 yards. Incomplete to Watt. Second and 10. Incomplete to Blaze. Complete to Snapper for eight. It's fourth and one. They're going for it. And they get it with a seven-yard run by Dyson. Dumps it off to McCrunchie. Incomplete. Third and three. They're stopped for negative two yards. They have to kick a field goal. And they get it. It's a 13-point lead for Dallas. And they have the ball now with 6.27 left in the fourth. Oh, and a huge Watt sack by Remus Lupin for 11 yards. Because he's a wolf. That was actually my idea. I just want to let you guys know that that was my idea. And then they didn't pick me, so thanks a lot. Yeah, your ideas are great, but we just don't want you as a person. Yakman with a big stop there for negative one yards. Perfect timing. It's a 13-point lead for Dallas. Norfolk. Oh, a huge throw-down conversion. That's going to go 36 yards to Hannah. Down to the four-yard line. A three-yard run by Newton at the one. And a throw to Hannah for one touchdown. So, we're not out of the woods yet. It's 37-31. Dallas has the ball with 2.56 left to play. A score would put it away, but we're not going to get a score, and we're going to have to punt the ball, and it's a shitty punt. 35 yards, return 15 yards. A net of 20 yards. Quick math. And here comes Norfolk. Let's see. To Hannah for seven. Two. Fourth and three. Oh, they missed it. Turnover on downs. And just like that, Dallas is going to kneel to the ball. So that was closer than it should have been. But Dallas is going to eke out a win. 37-31. On the road in their first game. Both teams with a bunch of rookies. But man, it feels good to get that one. And let's go look at the stats real quick. I want to say Lane Frost had quite the game. Yeah, Lane, let's see. Lane Frost had two catches, but one of them went for 75, and the other one went for like 50-something or 49. Two catches for 124 yards and a touchdown. Fernandez is the one that really jumped out to me, although looking at the stats, Rounder had just as good of a game. Fernandez, 5 for 91. Rounder for 6 for 94. Hammerfell, 14 for 51. But he had two TDs. Trapperson was great tonight. He did have the interception. He was sacked three times. But 339 yards on 17 completions. Dyson was not bad either. Really, really good actually. 24 for 42. Three TDs. He ran the ball well 69 yards. Nice. And a touchdown. So great game for Dyson. The bot kicker for Dallas shows out. Not only does he make all four extra points, but he hits two from inside 39. And he hits a 50-plus. I think it was a 56-yarder or something. Great job. His punts were not very good. I take that back. His punts were alright. He just had the one really bad one at the end there. Defensively, Green Bean stands out to me. Three TDs, three TDs, three TDs, three TDs, three TDs, three TDs, three TDs, three TDs, three TDs, three TDs, three TDs, three TDs, three TDs, three TDs, so great game there. On the other side, Hatch had a really good game. Two passes defended. Charge had two passes defended at an interception. And unfortunately, as much as I don't like to say it, what's his name, Hardman, who was taken over me, had a big sack. And then Remus Lippin, the bot, who I came up with the name for, was a really great standout player. Three tackles, two for loss, one sack. And it was a big sack. But in the end, Dallas 37-31, they will be playing against Portland, I think, next week. Although, I'm starting to feel a little tipsy, and not entirely sure about that. Oh, look, we've got the matchup. No, these are the standings. So the South, Dallas and Tijuana are 1-0. In the North, London and Minnesota get the wins there. And they're 1-0. Well, thank you guys for sticking with me, if you actually listened to this. It probably wasn't great, to be honest. It's probably hard to listen to. But honestly, it was really fun to do this. I think I'm about four minutes away from hitting an hour. So I'm getting my four million. So, look, I've got the index pulled up here. Let's take a look at some of the leaders from this week. Passing leaders. Mick Chaperson leads the league with 339 yards. His longest was 75 on that pass to Lane Frost. As far as rating goes, that would be turned the ball over for Minnesota. 2211 yards. And a touchdown. Not a lot of turnovers this week, so nobody had more than one interception. Which is good. You want to see your quarterbacks playing well. Let's see. Rushing. Yards-wise, Corey Trevor from Tijuana teed off, so to speak. 161 yards on 24 carries. And then on the other side of that same game, 146 yards for Friduchi. So both of those guys were really going back and forth. That was a heavyweight bout. Nobody else got over 100 yards this week. Ford got close for London. 93 yards. But those two were kind of the prime running backs. Receiving Frost with his two catches for 124 yards. And a touchdown. Hannah on the other side of that game for Norfolk. 114 yards, 9 catches, and 2 TDs. Great game by him. We also had Don Quixote and Junior. Is his name Senior Junior? No, his name is Squintz Junior. Got it. Squintz Pelladoros Junior. Who had 4 catches for 108 yards. The longest reception of the week was by Lane Frost. 75 yards. It was a touchdown. And then 63, 61, and 50. Defensively, we had 4 interceptions tonight. Poopy Junior, Charge, Brothers, and Mann. Great games by them. Nobody with multiple sacks either, but we had the Rockbeard Junior. There's another Junior. Who's this? Garlic Junior. Garlic Junior from Dallas. Yakman, that's me, Sourwine, Fantringham, Hardman. There's a lot of people here, but a lot of people had sacks. So good job. Leading tackler, that would be Beamon from Minnesota. He had 13 tackles tonight. Great game by him. Mbaba, the Dallas GM, with 12 tackles, and a forced fumble. Robodeaux, from Minnesota, 10 tackles. So they got 2 guys with 23 tackles between them. Not bad. Not bad at all. And then let's look at kicking, just for fun. The Dallas kicker made 4 extra points, along with Hargreeves and McDarmon Junior. The Oaklands, the Dallas kicker, is his name Airbud? I think it is. Yeah, Airbud hit 3 for 3. And one of them was 50+. He was the only kicker to kick 50+. It was 55 yards. That was the longest kick of the week. And then my favorite, the homie Cleveland Brown. I was really hoping his name was Chris Brown. Goes 2 for 2 for extra points, but goes 0 for 4. 0 for 4 on field goals. Yeah, just a tough night for them if those 4 field goals would have won the game. Minnesota's gotta feel like they scraped by with one, but their kicker, Knower, what's his first name? I hardly know her. Great name. Goes 2 for 2 for field goals, and that's really the difference. Honestly. So, great game by those guys. 0 for 4. Uh, Chris Brown, what's his name? Can't hardly Brown. No, what's his name? Cleveland Brown. Yeah, Cleveland Brown. Oh, like the Cleveland Browns. I get it. Uh, do we want to look at offensive line stats? No, we don't. Uh, that's gotta be an hour, right? Oh, 59 minutes. Thank you guys for sticking with us, if you did. Um, I don't really know how this medium holds up, but I think it's fun to do it. And if somebody wants to pay me, like, a crap ton of money to, like, call the Super Bowl, the Ultimis, or the Ultimini, I would totally be down. I think I'm okay at it. But, uh, yeah, thanks. It's been a fun night. Great first week of DSFL action. I look forward to seeing you at Week 2. I'm not saying I'm going to do this every week. It kind of depends on if my wife has to go to her birthday party or a book club. But if she's out of the house, then I'm on the mic. And just thank you again. This has been Volfzilla, Hugh Jackman, Yakkin' with the Yak Man, Episode 3. Play by play. Thank you guys.
