Condoms.......ewwww!!

Oh, we don't have time for that, we don't have time, that's going to be a separate podcast. It's only Henry Cavill, the star of every romance book. Cavill. Cavill. Okay. Cavill. He's a British boy who has a dog and builds computers. His dog is his best friend. Yes. What else, Megan, what else do we know? He has a lot of muscles. He has a lot of muscles. He's super into Dungeons and Dragons and Warhammer 3000. Warhammer. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Any armies. We really like him for his mind and the things he does for the community. True. Never heard anything like that. So what are we reading? Today we are reading the book Corrupt by Penelope Douglas. What? Penelope. Penelope. Okay, so this one is a girl, Erica, or Rica. Or Rica, however you want to do it. Not quite good on that. Who starts out in high school and it's her and her family is close with another family. She dates the younger brother. She's had a long time obsession with the older brother. And the older brother runs around with a group of guys. What are they, like the Four Horsemen, is that what they call themselves? I think it's like the Four Horsemen. The Four Horsemen. They're obviously very cool. They're the cool kids in school. They call it Devil's Night. It's always like Devil's Night. They like recap it. Yeah, the day before Halloween. They go out and they do pranks and stuff. They totally pee-pee everything. They start it off that way and everyone's like, lame, dude. We're going to burn down houses. It gets a little aggressive. They went a little too far. Exactly. So she ends up going out with them one night on one of the Devil's Nights and is involved in some of these pranks. Well, then the next day, three of the four guys there get arrested and spend the next however many years in jail. For arson. No. It doesn't tell you. For various things and you don't find out until the end. Wait, how long are they in jail? Like three, four years? No. We're out here for harmless pleas. It's a few years. Four years is a hard time. Three out of the four spend five years in jail. Whereas the fourth one becomes a professional basketball player, of course. And then they get out of jail at the same time that she switches cities and moves to the same city as the older brother that she's always had a crush on, Michael. And she lives in his building that he actually owns. Because they're rich, obviously. They're all rich, absolutely. Dirty rich. And so during this, these guys that are in jail have a vendetta against her because they believe she's the reason they're in jail. And so their plan is to just torture her and that's kind of what's happening in the book and you don't know why. We're not going to unpack it here, but as I'm reading it, I'm like, it's pretty unforgivable. A little toxic. They burn down her childhood home. Ooh, that's hot. And that's actually like the mildest thing that they do to her. They made a kidnap her mom. Yeah. They made what? They made a kidnap her mom. But then they all make up. But is it like a sexy kidnapping? No. Not really, no. But there's a myth. What kind of book are we reading here? It's a dark, dark, dark, dark romance. I know there's a happy ending somewhere in there. I've yet to hear anything about romance. It sounds like a lot of illegal activity. A lot of it's pretty fucked up. And they're like, oh, we had a miscommunication. We shouldn't have burned down your house and kidnapped your mom. Oh, and stolen all your money. You're bad. You're bad. We're cool now. Let's fuck. So then, you know, her and Michael are like, you know, we're each other's true love. I burned down your house, but I actually really love you. And she's like, I love you too. But that also takes them about a million years for him to say, right? Yes, for a really long time. So then she's like, I love fencing. And he's like, you know what? I want you to build fences for me. I'm not going to say fence until you say fencing, and then I get it. So he can't fence anywhere in this giant city. Because the only fencing place he can find is here. And he's like, the only fencing place. You're baffling over there. I've stored it in a dark cover up my pants. Well, at my gentleman's club, I can help you fence. I'll sneak you in. So he sneaks her into the gentleman's club, dresses her up as a fencing lady. Why are you laughing like this? You're laughing your asses off. We're in the city, and there's no way to fence. This whole place is a torn down warehouse with a sexy man. I'm standing. Yes, yes. Burned down the house. Took her mom. Took all her money. But they're cool now, and they're going to go fencing. Yeah, they are. All right, I think we have all the information we need. All right, and that's where we begin. The love story of Ricca and Michael. So fencing is the first F word. Well, they just finished fencing. And they're like, I am hot. And steamy. Perhaps because they're in a steam room. And she's like, here's my sword. All right, you know what? We're going to have Andrew start. Do you know how to work a kiss? Nope. Okay, so we're going to need you to tap. Okay, cool. Am I just starting at the top here? You're going to start right... Wait, I think you already tapped it. I didn't. No, you're right. Okay. I'm tapping my sword. Sword, not salad, not salad. So wait, we're going straight into a fencing scene? No, no, no. Fencing is over. She's done fencing. She's like, here's my sword, bitch. Okay. Because the next word, I think... Tapping my sword at Michael, I saw him catch it before patting his table and walking out of the room, knowing he'd follow. Okay. Fencing sword. She's done and she tosses it and he follows her out of the room. Okay, all right, I got it. I feel like you just read those words and all I did was repeat them. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. This is a tough time. Now we're all caught up, so... I made my way through the gym and into the locker room, turning my head and seeing him come up behind me with fire in his eyes. Didn't have the sword, so he must have left it at the table. That seems very important. I don't think it matters at all. The sword does not come into the section. That's a different book. Twisting back around, I headed for the showers again, knowing we'd have privacy in the separate stalls. But he grabbed me by the hips, stopping me instead. Swinging over the door to the steam room, he forced me inside. That seems aggressive. That seems aggressive. He forced her inside of him? He forced her into the steam room. She was like, I'm trying to shower, and he was like, get in that steam room. Except he didn't use those naughty words. He didn't either. I glanced around quickly, making sure it was empty. Steam! Hung in the air! Sorry, guys, this is dramatic reading. But it was empty. The door didn't lock, but we were alone for the moment. Ooh, look at you. Look at you working the candle. Ooh, look at you touching it. Yeah, uh, I can touch a finger to a screen. I spun around and grabbed the bottom of my mask, tearing it. Oh, she's got the fencing mask on. I gotcha. How iconic. Tearing it off my head and letting it fall to the floor. Games, games, games, I scolded, unzipping my jacket. You're driving me crazy. I thought she was already in the shower. Steam room! They're in a steam room! Why does she have her jacket on? She's going in her steam room. She's in a men's club and she's not supposed to be in a steam room. This is, she's still hidden until she got in the steam room and they were all up. She's pretending to be a dude? Yes. So she could fence. There were no other fencing options available. So it's like, it's like clawing people over your eye. Okay. This is like a fencing cosplay. Just keep going, keep going. He grabbed me, pulling the white fencing jacket down my arms and coming down my hips hard. The jacket fell to the floor and I gripped his shoulders as he pulled me up and into him. Covering my mouth with his taste and heat. His tongue slid in, licking mine as he moved strong and powerful, devouring me. That's one way to put kissing. They were necking. Yeah. I like you crazy, he gasped. What? Get crazy, Grant! Pulling back an inch, and I like you wet. How are you feeling down here? He pushed his hand down the front of my pants, having no problem finding how slick I was. That is gross. Totally nasty. Thanks for the win. Me too, Siri, me too. She's very upset. I'm also very upset that I'm going this way. Yeah, these pants rubbed against you good, huh? I knew they would. What? He made her wear the fencing outfit with no underwear on. Oh, okay. Ouch! Okay. I forgot about it, honestly. I shot back up, meeting him full force as we continued to kiss, bite, and play. I worked the rubber band out of my hair. Finally freeing it and letting the long tendrils fall down my back. Who puts their hair down the hot side? No one! You put it up? You put it up, although you like it down. But you wouldn't like it pulled down. So you're always putting it down. Personally, I always put my hair down. It's on the odd man out here. His needy hands covered my skin, damp with sweat, and now I'm wet. His needy hands covered my skin, damp with sweat, and then slid down my pants. I thought they were already in the pants. Here we go. Cupping my pants. I'm still confused on how she's dressed in this game room. She's like, is she naked? He's getting her naked. This is a fun sentence I thought I'd never say. The thick ridge of his cock nudged my clit and I groaned. It felt so good. Somebody could come in, I whispered into his neck as I pushed his black jacket down his arms. We should go to the shower. No. He growled low, ripping open his shirt. I always rip open my shirt. It's a must. The buttons flying. I want to see you sweat. I glanced nervously at the frosted door, knowing someone could enter at any second. But my pussy was throbbing. My nipples were so hard. You've been there. You've been there. I'm brushing against his foot and I didn't care about anything except having him inside me. And that is where I'm going to pop forward to someone else because I just can't take it anymore. I mean. Oh no. You up? Yep. This was a good set up. You can hold him and tap it. I'll tap that. Okay. So this is like a continuation of where he was? Yeah. Okay. I was, I left off at. So he's still maybe in the sauna or the shower, fully clothed, naked, whatever. So her pussy is throbbing. And she cannot wait. Yeah. So he stood there in the center of the room, gripping my ass and kissing my neck, my jaw, and then my lips. I could feel my hair sticking to my back and the air in the room grew thick. Every inch of my skin coming alive as I tilted my head back. Rika. I hate that name. I don't like Rika because that like, if you're like sexy, I don't know. It seems like a really weird name. They're both good. Erica, he whispered against my neck. I need you. I need you every day, every hour, every minute. He brought my head back up, hugging him close and wishing time would stand still. He was everything. My entire life. Kidnapper. House burned downer. I only felt completely alive when he was close. And while nothing would ever be easy with him, I'll say nothing would ever be good without him either. Dipping my head into his neck and closing my eyes, I whispered, I love you, Michael. He remained still. His hold on me not changing, but it felt like he stopped breathing. This seems very boring. How do I go? How do I make it go? Wait, did she just say that she loves him? And he was like, ah, not like that. He didn't receive it well? Got it. He was like, try it with a mask on. He was like, yeah, just mask on. Tears sprang to my eyes. He didn't say anything. And I held him tight. Please don't push me away. I was, I wasn't sorry I'd said it. I'd owned it. And there was no other choice. But I couldn't face his silence. For the truth that was in his heart might not be what was in mine. But I wasn't sorry. Erica, he said, sounding like he was searching for words. But I shook my head, dropping my legs, forcing him to let me down. Don't say anything, I told him. Not meeting his eyes. I don't expect you to. His hand stayed on my hips, and I knew he was staring at me. Tell her you love her in a deep voice, I go. Jesus Christ. I shot my head up. Michael was doing the same as we scanned to build the scene. And we finally made a pair of legs on the top level, slinging over the edge as he sat up. Is it that fucking hard? Who's Kai? His best friend. Kai's in there doing stuff? He was hiding. Nobody knew he was in there. Is it that fucking hard? Kai had his feet on the tile of the next level, and he leaned down on the elbow, staring at Michael. You're so tortured. Had it real tough, haven't you, Michael? He sucked in her breath and dived down, picking up Michael's black shirt and covering myself. Oh my God. He'd been there the whole time? What the hell? How did you not know there was another guy? Kai, my best friend. He talked about the tile. How big is this fucking place? It's a very steamy fine. It's the other ridge. It's really big. It's steamy. You're getting your girlfriend naked in the room and see what she's about to do. Pay in the room, yeah. Not me. Tell about the crowd. Are you reading the hand? Oh, I was going to say, I jumped through a few pages here. What? Not to that stuff. I was talking about shock and chill. Here, put me back on track. Hold on. Please. A beautiful girl looks at you like you're God throughout her entire life. Kai continued, shifting something small and red from one hand to the other over and over again. And you're never going to let anything better because there is nothing better and you still can't say it. Do you know how lucky you are? Michael stood silent. His eyes narrowed on Kai. He wasn't going to argue with him. He never would. Giving Kai's accusation any attention would give it credibility. Kai dropped his eyes, still spilling. He's like, where's the sexy? This is just like, kids in the sky. That's why it's like, that's why it's like, that's what it is. Like, we're, oh my God. What is this? What is this shit? Was it Princess Bride? Ha ha, like I once loved her. Feels like there's a bunch of buildup over shock and chill. So I'm interested to see what goes. Man, shock and chill doesn't even really matter. Not explosive? No. This is how many pages we have to flip through to get to the good stuff. So is this a good one or not? Shouldn't every page be littered with filthy drippings? Okay, here we go. No. Hey, filthy drippings. I'm sorry. I feel like I got the dirty word. That's like a saying for Kai. So yeah, so now she's standing there with Michael and Kai and she tells Kai. She tells Kai to touch me. The guy that's sitting there with her or the guy that was watching? The guy who was watching. So yeah, she says, touch me. After she told the other guy she loved him. So you know, like five minutes of paint. I mean, it makes sense. He's way nicer than the other one. I heard his heavy breathing and the pulse in his neck throbbed against my lips. His skin smelled like the salt of the spas and the wet heat of his body melted to mine as he slowly relaxed. He swallowed and then I felt his hand rest on my hips. He stayed still for a few moments, catching his breath and then I felt his fingers spread out over my back. His fingertips digging into my skin became stronger and more urgent. His touch lowered his hands running down my ass and I started to follow suit. My hands came down over his shoulders gliding down his chest feeling the smooth skin of his collarbone and the ridges of his ass and slim waist. Does this hurt, I asked. Or he asked. I brought my head up and looked at him but he wasn't looking at me. He was looking at Michael. I twisted my head seeing Michael's mouth open a little taking in a quick, shallow breath. Yeah, he said in a low voice that's his eyes meeting mine. But you like it, I stated. Feeling one of Kai's hand strolled my belly between us. You like the sting. It turns you on. Taking Kai's hand I hung on to him with one arm around his neck and placed my forehead to his... I have no idea what position these people are in or like what I'm even imagining. We were trying to act it out as you said it and it was very awkward and we didn't know where to put our hands. So she's blowing Kai but Kai's looking at Michael? She's blowing him. You skipped over that. Why is Michael's mouth wide open a little bit taking a shallow breath staring at Kai? Because Kai's touching his belly. Because Kai's touching his belly. But he's like in like can't turn her head and kneading his skin with my nipple tight being around and tingling as it was touched. He likes touching each other and Michael's watching his... I'm going to have popcorns go here. I'm just so lost. How many pages have gone through that? You're fine. So many. Okay, so where we're at is Michael is watching his best friend touch his girlfriend. And continue. Is it even a girlfriend at this point? She has confessed her love but he has not reciprocated. No, don't... Oh, skip ahead. I already did. Michael slid his fingers inside of me. There we go. Boom. Into the action. Now we're back into it. He's wearing white and everything. I could feel how wet I was when he brought them back out. Now we're talking. My head might be in a cloud and running on instinct right now but my body definitely knew what my life was. Kai took one of my breasts in his hand. Oh yeah, okay. So they're both doing it. Yeah, now we're talking. Got it. And dipped his head down. Looks like 19 pages to get here. Yeah. Now we're in the good stuff. Oh God, I groaned still as Michael continued to flick his tongue over my lips. What? With the heat of Kai's mouth and the play of Michael's I was ready to explode. Really? Is that bad? Yeah, I could have done a really good part of this. Well, she wants to. She's not doing it. I really need to cum. I don't want to cum. Who doesn't, girl? Hey, that's mine. I think Michael... If I was to lock you in from behind but simultaneously draw your chin it'd just be an awkward movement, I feel like. Just turn your head. I moaned my stomach shaking with butterflies. I'm down on that fucking job there. Turns out, I'm a fan. I watched Kai drop to a knee and stare white-eyed as he whipped out his towel. Jesus, his erection and the size of his cock were pulling hard. I had my body on side. Ooh, this is a good one. Open her for me. Wait, so he's telling the dude to open her. His buddy is telling... Michael is telling his friend to open his girlfriend for him. Open her? What is that one? I guess we're gonna find out. Is this like layers of ownership happening here? Yeah, this is like all over the place. I'm not cool with this. He's so tiny. Yeah. All I could do was dig my nails into his neck behind me and close my eyes as his friend covered my clit with his mouth sucking it into his mouth hard and making my legs go weak. I mean, he probably felt great. I mean, I wouldn't have. He was going at me like he was starved gliding his tongue along swirling it around my clit and making me so hot and ready. I feel like my friend is sucking on you. Thank you, sir. Uh... Michael taunted in my ear groping my tits with both hands. Okay. Yeah, I think you fucking love his mouth on your pussy. Okay. Uh... I let out a groan my back arching in my tits. Jutting? What's jutting? I don't know. What are you talking about? I don't know. Okay. I let out a groan my back arching in my tits. Okay. Moving and licking my personal pussy into him more and more trying to keep him in that exact spot. Uh, who's next? Andrew. It's the men. It's the Colonel Sanders! Oh, yeah, let's hear that. Very, very tough. His feet were heated. Still in my womb my entrance throbbed and I started moaning and gasping as I rolled my hips chasing the orgasm that was coming. Yes. Yes! I cried softly. I felt Michael's hand lower to my ass behind me and slip between my legs rubbing one of his fingers up and down my length. That's so weird. Okay, let me picture it. Length of your penis versus, like a... I know. It's just a weird thing to call it. He stopped at the right... at the tight entrance. What? At the right one? At the tight one. It wasn't... It was two different... It was two different things there. It says tight. It says tight. He's conceited. Which means... Which means your one is not tight. And... That is the insinuation. No! We got a loosey-goosey and we got a righty-tighty. A righty-tighty. He stopped at the tight entrance. The one Chi wasn't eating out. Okay. Alright, now we've got it all figured out. Now... We've got it all... The diagram is complete. We know where everyone is. And I blinked. A moment of alarm settling in. My mouth went dry as he pressed there and I sucked in a breath as he fit the tip of his finger inside me and just stayed there. Not forcing it any further. I mean, good for that. Like that. Just that. There were suppositories earlier and I thought that was the point. Come on, Michael urged, leaving soft kisses on my cheek. Show me how much you like my friend eating your pussy. As one says. I rolled my hips, gritting my teeth together as the orgasm got closer and closer. Come on. Come on. Come on. Does that really look like that? Oh, God. Oh, God. I cried out. Fisting Chi's hair, grinding and jerking as the orgasm spilled over me, filling me with pleasure that racked through every nerve and over every inch of skin. Michael's fingers poked inside of me. Oh, behind me. Sorry, not inside. Behind. But it didn't hurt. Not at all. So Michael's just back there. Ha! Finger in a butt. And she's like, that doesn't hurt. It's fine. A bit bigger. It's my first time, but it's totally normal. Well, it's the only tight hole she has left, right? Well, not anymore. Not after Michael jammed three fingers in there. I ground my ass into him as well, feeling the need build there as both of my entrances filled with longing, lust, and then satisfaction. I can't say dick. Satisfaction, apparently, is a long word for dick. Latin. Latin for dick. My heart pumped like crazy. I added that. And I relaxed into Michael's chest, feeling weak. Kai! He choked out behind me, and I looked down to see Kai pull back, his eyes closing for a split second, as if he'd enjoyed that just as much as I did. So Kai was... Kai was going down on her, and she was getting ass-banged. Imagine Michael here. Who was the one that was in there originally? Kai was the one watching. Michael is her boyfriend. So Kai was the one that was, like, hidden. Yeah, Kai was hidden, and all of a sudden, when Michael wasn't doing it right, he was like, are you kidding me? Is this a joke? Watch me. Kai was like, let me eat her out, and I'll show you how it's done. Feed her in the butt while I go down on her. We'll get this going. Got it. Okay. All right. Michael's in the butt with his fingers. Kai just had her whole clit sucked into his mouth. Carrie is the best at this ever. He had a mouthful of clit, and that's good. He brought up a hand easily catching the condom that Michael tossed him. Great. Ew, condoms! At this point, I assume they're all used. What is this? There's no fresh condoms being thrown about at this point. I am teasing. We're in a condom. We're all in a condom. They're like in the middle of this. They're like, hey, catch a condom, bro. It's like they're used. Yeah, my girlfriend, but here's a condom. Oh, my God. I need you, Michael breathed out against my hair, sounding desperate. I felt him take off his pants and drop everything to the floor while Kai stood up and ripped open the condom with his teeth, as one does, sliding it on the hard length of his cock. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me into him, picking me up by the backs of my thighs and lifting me up. They're big boys. They're very strong. Everyone's very strong and very hardy. They're all very fun. Strong and hung. Strong and hung. Big boys. So what do you give this? Three stars. No, I give it three because the stuff that he did to her was so fucked up. Not the fucking her in the ass part. The, you know, burning down her house, kidnapping her mom and stealing all her money. Like, oh, that was like a little bit too far. Like, I don't know how she forgave him. So I couldn't move on from that. Pre or post-somnacy? This is like pre-orgy. It's like all happening. She forgave him. She forgave him. Him and his friends. Her house, I think, had already been on fire. Before that. He did all that before. Also, let me just add in that like her dad had died and all of her memories that she had saved of her dad were burned down in that house. The two guys burned down. And she's like, I forgive you. Fuck me in my ass and my pussy. But I'm like, she's terrible. So I'm like, she doesn't need therapy, Andrew. She has fencing. She gets it out that way. She's fine. Well, I give this two chili peppers and one butt flicker. One butt flicker? Yeah, one butt flicker. I think Maggie and I gave it what, four? I think Kai gave whoever that was five butt flickers. I think it was like it was like a 4.5 chili peppers because there wasn't a lot of sex in it but when the sex started it was like, fuck. Obviously. I liked it. I really liked the story but yeah, he was a pretty awful dude. But he was hot and he was big. Aren't they all? He was a brunette that was like six foot something with a big dick. He played basketball. Obviously, he was big. If you're a large dude with a big dick. We forgive a lot. Nah, not in real life. We forgive a ton of. No, no, no. Um. No, no, no. Yeah. Do you lose respect for me? No, I'm just actually around this entire conversation I'm thinking about how to make it work in areas I think you should do. I don't know. You guys are just as shallow as us. Just in a different way. We just do it kind of better. You know what? Kind of better. But we use our intellect to get us there. Right? You guys just use your intellect to get us there. Just cause I read the porn. I mean. We all do. We all use our intellect to get us there. We read it to find entertainment. Okay. Let's be fucking honest. Joe. Joe, do you benefit from my reading? Yeah. Yes, you do. God, do you benefit from Megan's reading? It's a beneficial relationship for everyone. Yes. All parties win. But as long as I'm getting here recorded I will speak on the hypocrisy of all this bullshit cause I would like to speak on this. I think it's messed up that This will not be aired. Yeah, it won't. This won't be broadcasted. I understand that. Fuck this shit. It's messed up how you guys can read your porn books at any school event or function No pictures. and never get questioned on it. And I Joe anyone can show up at the same school function with penthouse letters no photos no photos just words and people look at it like we're predators. And that's messed up cause your books are dirtier. Do they have the Kindle version of Penthouse? I just read Penthouse on Kindle. It doesn't matter because if you were to show up with the paperback versions of your same books no one would know what it was. That's cause they put a cartoon they put a cartoon on there. They mask it. No one would know what it was. It's cause you boys are too stupid to make your books look like it's not a perverted book. True story. Let's be serious I don't care if people want the words or what it's saying. And exactly you guys have pictures. We don't. We put it in our heads. I picture Joe every time. Oh. Oh. And Henry every time. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.