episode 25 season 2-ask Shelby

The main ideas from this information are: - This is the last episode of Season 2 of the Word of Mouth Podcast. - The hosts, Aidan and Shelby, will spend the next 30-40 minutes asking Shelby questions. - Shelby discusses her reasons for not giving up after a divorce and the importance of faith in finding peace. - She talks about her views on making the first move in relationships and the challenges of giving up control. - The hosts also discuss the pros and cons of dating sites and the difference between a connection and commitment. - Shelby explains her motivation for starting the podcast and the goal of reaching people and leading them back to Christ. - Season 3 of the podcast is expected to continue with the same authenticity and honesty. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ There it is. I was waiting. Welcome to Word of Mouth Podcast. We're Aidan, Shelby, and the Fairy Dust. How are you, Shel? Completely dandy. Yes, you are. Listen, this is the last episode of Season 2. And, yeah, it's been a run. It's been a run. But I had asked Shel, I said, since it's the last episode, hey, won't we make this segment, this next 30, maybe 40 minutes, of just asking Shelby questions. We'll see if Nate survives this. Yes, we're going to ask Shelby just questions. Because I know some of you all may have some questions for Shelby. You've heard her speak about a number of things, man, whether it pertains to identity, comparison, insecurities, everything to that. She's even talked about her children, dating, just a number of things. So we're going, and she's very anointed, so we're going to ask. Open freaking book. We're going to ask Shelby some questions. So excited. I can hardly wait. Just remember, paybacks are up. Oh, my God. Yes, Shelby, this is all on you. All righty? Every question that is asked of you, we need you to, of course, elaborate quite a bit. Share. And make sure that you give a great answer. Not a one word, but a full answer to every question. Wow, you're setting this one up. Yeah, buddy. Okay. To every question. All right? All righty. You better breathe. You're making me nervous. All righty. First question for Shelby. The question is, what makes you keep going after a divorce? Well, what am I going to do? Quit? I ain't no quitter. Oh, my God. I love Shelby. I ain't going to give up. Roll over and die. No, the hope of something that I deserve is out there. Yes. Something good. The hope of something you deserve is out there. Yeah. I'm sure some people would debate what I deserve, but it's not up to them. Yikes. She said it. It's all questions for Shelby. All right. Well, that was easy. That was a pretty easy question. What gives you peace every day and why? My faith gives me peace every day. Okay. And I get rattled. I mean I'm not one of those believers that just stays in peace. I'm not that kind of girl. But, yeah, I always come back to it, and I'm just blessed that way, I guess. I guess for us as listeners and people that hear you all the time, it seems like you're just calm about a lot of things. And I know that that may sound this way, but what gives you that? Because, as you said, you get rattled. What brings you back to the Shelby that we hear all the time? Well, I think my typical reaction to things is that I get rattled. I kind of vent, and then I'm like, whatever. Wow. You make it sound so easy. It is. Well, I think if you hear me venting, you're probably thinking, oh, my God, she's like losing her shit. But I'm not. I'm really not. I just have to get it. I think it helps me process it. After you get it out? Yeah, to say it out loud or something. And then I'm like, eh, ain't nothing but a chicken wing. Ain't no thing but a chicken wing. You made that sound so freaking easy. I thought it was going to be like a one, two, three. It's not that easy. And I'm an over thinker. I'm really bad about that. And I analyze. Yeah. Mainly myself. Why did I do that? What could I have done different? What does this mean? And I overanalyze what people say to me and all that stuff. But that's my own flaw. And I'm very aware of it. So I try not to do that as much anymore. Not to. If I didn't have faith in Christ, I would be a mess. I don't know how people do it. That aren't grounded in faith. Because I could not. I don't think I would have. I wouldn't be here anymore. I don't think. I didn't have faith. I think that's the ultimate. That's what it boils down to. Everything, yeah. You lose your mind if you don't have it. I would. I'm not that strong. The Bible gives an account where peace passes your understanding. Is that the kind of peace that you're talking about, being grounded in your faith like you don't even understand the peace that you're in at times? There's times I've been in that space, but honestly, if I'm being completely honest, I don't have that kind of peace all the time. But it's just a settling in my spirit of, you know, I've gotten to the point where, like, you see so much crap going on that it's just like, what are you going to let it do to you? Are you going to let it manipulate you? Are you going to let it change who you are? No. So why care? Wow. That's a good way of looking at it. Like a lot of people freak out. I think that's why they have anxiety pills, depression pills, stuff like that. They're because they don't use that formula. You're just like. Well, it's not like I have the key to happiness or anything like that because, you know, that's just me. It's just me. Yeah, this is actually also. It's just you. It's going to be Ask Nate on Monday. Better be nice. Here we go. Got another question for you. All right. You being a woman, of course, do you think it's important to make the first move when it pertains to men and women interacting in any capacity? Are you talking in the dating world or are you just like talking period overall? Yeah, this is in general. Is it important? What kind of move am I making, though? I mean, if I'm not moving in on someone, what's my move? Why would I be making a move? Well, that's the part that we're asking Shelby, like whatever move that you make. Is it important for you to make that move, whatever move that you make? Is it important to make it first? I'm not sure that I really understand what you're trying to get at. Can I word it a different way? Yeah, try it. See what happens. And we'll break it down in categories. Dating, do you think it's important for Shelby to make the first move or for women to make the first move in dating? No. I've talked about this in the past. I don't think it's important, and I don't think that that's the real way it should go. But I am a different creature, and because of my lifestyle and whatnot, and I've been hammered that I'm intimidating, and I am kind of a take-charge kind of person in certain ways. If I'm interested in someone and they're not making a move, then I will make the move initially. Got it. And then hopefully it gets rid of the intimidation. But I think you've said that sometimes you think it makes it worse, so I don't know. We'll ask Nate later. Just wanted to hear Shelby's date. Okay. I got it. But I think really men should be leading. Okay, so it's important to you that men should lead. Yes, I want to be led. I don't want to be – I'll make the initial move, but then I want the man to take over. Got it. Why? Because I think that's how it should be, and I'm tired of being in charge. Got it. I'm tired of handling all this, and I'm tired of making all the decisions. I just – but the flip side of that is it requires me to give control away, which is challenging because I'm so used to handling everything on my own. So I have to be able to trust that that person is going to – Here's a spinoff to the question. What happens when you do give that away, but it – when it's given away, it don't happen when you want it to happen? Do you take it back? I try not to, but I think if I'm honest, I would say, yeah, I probably do. Okay. Okay. And as soon as you show that you're not trustworthy, I'm going to pick it all up, and I'm going to run with it by myself. Got it. Okay. All right. Got another spinoff to that. So when you, say, take charge or take lead for a man, you want that man to take lead and take charge and say he says, hey, I don't want you doing this, I'll do this, but you end up doing it. How do you come back from that? Because he told you not to do it, but you do it anyway. How do you come back from that? I think it depends on the context of what you're talking about, but – It could be anything. Let's say – Taking out the trash? You don't have to. This guy said he'll take it out. Do you struggle with that, taking it out, because you're so used to taking it out? Well, that's what I was just saying. It's a control thing. So do he have to snatch it from you? I don't know. Do he? Because I know somebody that has in the past. Okay. I think you answered your own question, didn't you? Yes, I did. You're just trying to point that out, huh? Yes, I did. Okay. Thank you. I'm trying to improve. Okay, okay. So not only do they have to be equipped to take lead and know, like truly be secure in their identity, but they have to realize that some things may take a little force when it comes to Shelby. Well, some things might take some understanding. I don't know about force, but, yeah, you mean initiation? The initiation force, not physical force, but initiation force where if you are maybe grabbing the trash, hey, I got that. Thanks. Appreciate it. And then look at you like grab it again. I dare you. That kind of force. So I got it. I got it. Long as we're on the same page. All right. But I think, I mean, I've even done TikToks about that. Like the virtuous chicky thing, if you've been a chick that has had to mow your way through things for any length of time and be your own force, it is hard to relinquish that. It is. And it's hard to trust people to allow yourself to relinquish that. I agree. So, yeah, it's a process. And that person has to prove that they're trustworthy. I'm trying not to respond, but if I can say this here just for a man, if you struggle with your identity… You mean if a man struggles with his identity? Yes. I'm only speaking to men now. If you struggle with identity, Shelby is not that type of person. You shouldn't struggle because, and I'm saying it in a happy way, because we have to learn how to, as men, take our place. Not to say that we have to be forceful and treat them like crap. However, you can't be wimpish. No, you have to be confident. Confidence is everything. But not cocky. Big difference. Big difference. Huge difference. I didn't want to respond to that, but I've got to put that nugget out there because some men may say, well, go back to the bedrock days and have Wilma by the hair, and then you dragging her down. No, they don't. You're going to have somebody by the hair. Somebody's going to have you by the balls anyway. I'm sorry. You're not talking about that. I shouldn't have said that probably, but it came out, so there it is. This is actually Shelby, so we're good. But, yeah, I get it. I get it, and I think that needs to be displayed more not to take away your identity of who you are, because you are that type of person. You're very strong-willed. You're very independent. And so we have to know walking in, yeah, this ain't no pushover type of situation. At least have some type of wherewithal. Yeah, you need to know who you are. That you know who you are. And I don't, I think, this is not asking anything. I'm off that. I do have another question there. Oh, goody. Here we go, flipping the script. It's not good. It's not good when you're having to pause. Yeah. What are your thoughts on the dating sites nowadays? Because there are sites that are broke down in categories. What are your thoughts on dating sites? Categories like what? Like farmers only and … Yeah, that's true. But there are categories that, like you have poly sites. Oh. You have swinger. I didn't even know about that shit. Well, I know about that, but that's in, like, real life. That's not through a dating site. All of them. All of them. It's real. But you have these different sites, and people nowadays are kind of looking for, I mean, I don't know what they're looking for, but what's your thoughts on just the dating sites alone? Do you think it's important for single women to kind of migrate to the sites? Because men haven't stepped up. We talked about a couple episodes ago where we're not even communicating anymore. We don't even say hello. No, we don't. I don't know that … I mean, everybody's got to do what's right for them. I don't know that dating sites are a good thing, and I don't know that they're not. I know that when I was on them, there were certain things I appreciated about them because, like, you could get to know someone from a distance kind of, so you didn't have to be, like, sketch about whether you're safe. But at the same time, then you got a question, are you really getting to know that person, or are they just giving you a facade? And then you're really going to meet the real person when you actually meet them. I think that it gives you the opportunity to weed through people. First of all, it's totally put the dating thing on its head because it used to be, like, you go somewhere, you see someone that you think is attractive, you approach them or you flirt with them or whatever, and it was one person. Now there's hundreds. Hundreds. Thousands. Yeah. Got it. And so while it can feed your ego real well, it can – it's, I think, kind of vile in certain respects. I never looked at it from the feeding ego standpoint. Wow. That's an eye opener. We'll talk about that later because it can if you're getting hits. Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. I mean, but the hits – I mean, you know me. You know I'm not about the bullshit. This is our show. You know that I'm also not a hookup chick and I'm not there to play games, so. I thought she was going somewhere else, but go ahead. I want to know where you thought I was going. Your eyes got big. Yes, they did because I – go ahead. Embrace myself. Anyways, as soon as I felt you were going in that direction, you're done. Got it. And a lot, a lot, a lot go that direction. Yes, I agree. I agree. I think it's because – And that's the culture. That's where I was going. But I'm of a different era, so that's not my thing. Gotcha. But I don't – I can't say whether it's good, bad, or indifferent because it has its pros and cons just like everything else, but it has totally changed the way dating happens. And like we talked earlier in a podcast just a little bit ago, you have access to people all over the world now and thousands of them. So it makes the dating pool that much bigger but that much more difficult as far as finding a serious needle in the haystack. That is very true. And I'm not searching for anything but the serious needle in the haystack, so it's – whatever. A needle in a haystack. All righty. Another question. I've got a few more minutes there. Shelby, to you, what's the difference between a connection and a commitment? Take your time. A connection can happen with anybody. Really? Yeah. Elaborate. I think you can have a connection with just random people that you meet on the street. I mean if you start talking about something and there's a connection of some kind, like you can relate to them in a way that's different from most. So you think relate and connection is the same? For me, yeah, to a certain degree. Okay. But commitment, like you're the only one. That's it. There's nobody above you. Lots of people probably below you. But commitment is – that's it. That's – you're it. Why are you looking at me like that? So connection you can have with anyone. You can be connected to anyone. I think you can find connection with a lot of people. I don't think it has to be anything dramatic or anything like that. I just think that, yeah, there's people that you can relate to on a different level, and to me that's a connection. Got it. Got it. And commitment was what again? It's only one person. One person. And you're connecting in all ways. The whole. The whole thing. Got it. Firing on all cylinders and focused on that one person, dying to self. That's a good one. For that one person. So keep it on that same vein. In Shelby words, what's the difference between an assignment and a gift? I think a gift is something that blesses you, and an assignment is something that you bless others. My magic fairy dust. Man, that was hands down the best answer I've heard too. Wow. That was really good. Wow, wow, wow. Okay. All right. That was easy. That was really good. That was really good. I think sometimes we may get those confused. So the Asking Shelby segment, of course, is your opinion. Absolutely. But it can at least open the door for conversation because a lot of people may not agree. And the not agreeing should be able to have you to dialogue a little bit with someone or even ask questions that you would hope to take place. All righty. My last question, of course, is this. Why did you want to start podcasting in this capacity with myself? Well, I think it was a divine situation. I don't think it was necessarily of either one of us. No. I think it was just I think it was led by the fact that you and I had a and still have a great capacity to to communicate and to conversate about different things. And while we can be on the same wavelength, we're not necessarily on the same wavelength, but we kind of have a similar viewpoint. And I think you're willing to learn from me and I'm willing to learn from you. And share things without getting offended. So I don't know, just seem like a thing to do. Thanks. And I mean, you you have a huge amount of knowledge that I don't have. And you have a different spirit than I have. And so I think that we kind of jive together pretty well. Looking at me like a puppy dog on your head. Yeah. So I think it's I don't know. I think it's kind of a balanced thing and I think it's kind of a good thing. And, you know, why people care about our opinions, I don't know. But I do think it was it was a. It was a God-led thing, and whatever he does with it is what he does with it, and I'm not in control of that, and neither are you. And whoever needs to hear it, hopefully hears it. And I trust that they will. Thank you for saying that. And that question actually didn't come from me. That was a question from someone that asked me the same thing. Why with you and why even the podcast? And my answer to that is there's an ultimate goal. And we both have that ultimate goal. And that's to reach people where they are. It's not about us. It's not about us. The authentic, being real, being completely honest, and leading people. At least try to lead people back to Christ. But I heard something that you said that neither one of us wanted to do or have ever done or even decided, like, OK, yeah, this is something that I wrote down 20 years. No, we didn't. We didn't do that. I never would have seen myself doing this ever. That's kind of like the TikTok thing. I never – I mean, I am not an attention seeker at all, so it's very difficult for me to start doing the TikToks. It was really difficult, but it was something that I felt I was led to do. And honestly, I haven't been doing them a lot since I've been doing this. Thank you. That kind of helped end my questions for Shelby's segment. You took it kind of easy on me, so I guess I can't make yours too difficult. I did. I did. I had more, but I did. But this – I guess if you was to prepare us for season three, knowing what you spoke about, what you shared, your authenticity that has just been displayed since day one, since episode one, since season one. What are we to expect this next season? Well, if you ask Nate, we're expecting video. Thanks. Working on that one, y'all. Shelby's just going to keep the plant in front of her face. We're going to push for that one hard. I don't know. I think it's just more of the same. So if you don't like it, don't listen. I love it. I can't be anything but what I am. Right. And if you don't like it, that's fine. I'm not your cup of tea, and that's great. I'm okay with that, and you should be too. Like the perfect – that's what – it was someone that asked me at the ministry that we serve at, like, why you two? And I think it was asked because maybe they thought it was – We're very different? We're completely different, but also they thought that we were in relation with each other. And I said, man, and I love Shelby to every extent. This has nothing to do with me dating her. This has nothing to do with me wanting to get with her. And I think that tends to be the, I guess, natural thought of people, that we're a thing, but we're not. I didn't understand that because I'm like, well, have you even listened? We talk about that misunderstanding quite often. A whole lot, but that was the part. But all they see – I guess that's why I'm excited about the video. All they see is this picture of two people that – that's it. And I don't have another way to express to them but just listen. It was asked at something we had did here recently, like a person that we know that listens to the broadcast all the time. She was expressing the fact that you all probably, if you're not ready for real stuff, then you don't want to tune in. And I heard her say that, and I was like, well, yeah, she's right about that. However, I do want you to tune – I personally want you to tune in because it's not something that we are doing just to bash people, hurt people, push away people. I think that – I want to bring people together. I don't want to cause division at all. That's the opposite. It's what you just said, though. It's having two different perspectives to bring that together, whether we agree or disagree, and have a common goal, and that common goal. And be respectful and be able to have a conversation. That's it. Yeah. And I think that's so important. The first assumption is we're together. The second assumption is, well, if we're completely two different people, then why and what's your purpose and are you trying to gain? I heard that one too. How much do you get paid? From who? What? Where the hell is the money coming from? Somebody tell me. Oh, Jesus Christ. Sign me up over there because, I mean, I'd love – that'd be great. I shook my head. I was like, what? What the hell do you get paid? What? We don't have sponsors. We got nothing. It's just us in an office. Amen. Maybe one day. Maybe. Maybe. For me, I'm a kingdom builder, and I know I'm connected to this lady, so I know she's the same way. I know she's the same way. We're building a kingdom. It ain't never been about a gain in any capacity. No, I don't care about money at all. The concept of it, I believe we have a common goal. And I'm honored to serve with you. I wanted to do this segment about Asking Shell, and thank you. I have more questions. Uh-huh. I can tell. Thank you. Thank you so much. I'm trying to stay on my best behavior. You did good. Well, I said the comment about the – You still did good because I thought you was going – I know. I still want to know what you thought I was going to say. I thought you were going there. Then I held the phone that day. You said that other comment. I was like, what did you just say? Woo! All right. So, hey, we just ended out on hold. Now I want to go back to the conversation because I don't know what I said. You have to tell me off mic. Yeah. I mean, I know about the one that ticked, the one – Yeah, that's what I thought you – Oh, no, no. That's what I thought you were doing. I stopped myself a couple times from saying that. Thank you. Thank you. I thought you were going to say it. I was like – Okay. I was looking for Mark on the – Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. I was like, Mark, show up. I was like, Mark, show up. I was like, Mark, show up. I was like, Mark, show up. I was like, Mark, show up. I was like, Mark, show up. 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