EPISODE 14 SEASON 2-DEATH

The podcast hosts discuss the topic of death and how people cope with the loss of loved ones. They share their personal experiences and perspectives on grief and the importance of allowing oneself to mourn. They also touch on the unhealthy coping mechanisms some people turn to, such as substance abuse, and emphasize the need to turn to God for healing. They conclude by discussing the different ways people grieve and the importance of respecting individual grieving processes. Yo, what it do, welcome to word of mouth podcast. With Nate and Shelby, man, it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. It actually is today. It really is. It's a beautiful day outside. What's up, Shel? Not much. How are you? Peachy. Peachy. It's a good word. I like that word, peachy. Peachy. All righty. Hey, y'all. We're going to touch on some other things today, and we definitely need you all listening, commenting, hanging out with us. We appreciate you. But we definitely want to tap into a subject that not a lot of people really want to talk about. I think that as a kid, it scared me to talk about this subject, because it was taboo. You don't talk about that. Something may happen. Right. Like a superstition. I know. But I think we need to talk about it, because if you've been living in this world, there's a lot of things that has taken place on this subject, and that subject is death. We want to talk about death today. Guaranteed, too. Each and every one of them. It's inevitable. Yes. It is 100% going to happen. You hear me? It's going to happen. Now, how it's going to happen, when it happens, we don't know that. We don't know when God is going to call our number, is what I heard the old saints say. When your number is called. However, it is going to happen to each and every person, any human that's living here in this world. It's 100% chance that you will die. All right. It is a touchy subject. It's taboo, but we definitely want to dig into it. I would love, Shelby, if you ... I'm going to start off with a question. I'm going to start off with asking a favor. Yes. Read something for me in 1 Thessalonians chapter 4. 1 Thessalonians 4. Yes. 1 Thessalonians 4, 13 through 18. Now, this is not going to be a sermon today because we're talking about it, but I want to start off with this scripture, so check this out. Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring Jesus, those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord's word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore, encourage one another with these words. Encourage. Encourage. Encourage one another with these words. That, I mean, of course, we know that that scripture has so much meat that we can talk about and use the next three hours speaking about it. One of the things that I do want to bring out in that scripture that I heard, it was a word that I want to kind of tap into today, and it was… And that's the NIV. Yeah, that was the NIV version. A word that I want to bring out is how he used the word sleep. Yes, death is going to take place with all of us, but the writer used the word sleep, and I think he used the word sleep because as believers, we should understand and know that when we do fall asleep in death, there is an awakening process that will take place. We're going to wake up again with a new body. Preach. I hope mine's like a size four. Ladies, did you hear that? Size four, you wake up. I've never been that size before in my life, but, you know, that'd be my wish. My God, that's hilarious. Well, I don't know what I want to wake up with. I just want to wake up. How about that? Yeah, that'd be great. And I want to wake up in a place that's not hot. Yeah. Amen. Nowhere where it's extremely hot. So I really do want to talk about how we view death, how we look at death, and the understanding of it. Before we get started, do understand that these are just our opinions. Absolutely. Things that we're just talking about. We're not trying to impose them on anybody. We're just merely chatting. Just chatting, just having a conversation amongst friends, man, kicking it, having a good time. So please comment if you can, and let's get started. So Shelby, have you ever had or experienced death of a loved one that it affected you so to the point where you didn't want to move forward or see the following day? No. Okay. I've never. I've experienced death, but never to that factor of grief. How do you experience death? Like what's your… My perspective? Yes. My perspective is it's joyful. Can you talk about that for a bit? Well, I can't imagine any better place than being home with the Lord. And because this world is so wackadoo, wouldn't you want the people you love to experience complete peace, complete joy, complete happiness, complete – like nothing is unpure in heaven. Everything is pure. So if you know that they know Christ, then wouldn't you celebrate that? You would want to, absolutely. Now, there's absolutely a void left behind. There absolutely is a pain and a space that they had in your life that is now empty. I'm not discounting that at all. But I think death is much harder on the people left behind than it is on the person that's gone. Yes, I agree. Because of the things that we deal with in this world, we're faced every day with the potential of health problems, the potential of dying senseless, the potential of… Pissing someone off. Anything. Yes. So when that person do leave, they don't have to deal with that anymore. No, they don't have to deal with any of this stuff. They don't have to question anything anymore. They don't have to doubt anything anymore. They don't have to have any hard days. They don't have to be insecure. They don't have to not like themselves. There's, I mean, a whole crap ton of things that they'll never experience again that are negative that we have to experience every day. Not that this life is completely negative because it's not, but there's just a lot. People battle through a lot. How do we make it? I mean, here, just our life alone, we have a choice to enjoy life or not enjoy life. And if you choose not to enjoy life, I mean, that's your choice. I would encourage you to want to enjoy this thing every day. Yeah, I've been depressed before. I've been at a place where I can't stand this place. However, it wasn't beneficial for me because it wasn't fun staying in that place all the time. It wasn't fun. That was a dark place for me. It can get very dark. Yeah. And the enemy loves the darkness and just runs with it and bulldozes over you with the darkness. And will let you stay there forever. Wants you to stay there. And actually wants you to be comfortable. Oh, yeah. Stay right there. Pretty soon, you won't notice that it's dark anymore because you've been there so long. It's just another day. It'll be you preaching. And it's light. Pretty soon, you won't even recognize the darkness. No. That's good. That's good. Especially if you have no one that's bringing light into your world. That's so good. One of the things that I've come to learn about death is, and I think you just read it, the rejoicing part of death. I didn't rejoice when I was younger. I didn't rejoice when people passed away when I was younger. And I'm going to talk about the infomisms that we use for death. We've got other stuff that we say. But I didn't rejoice. I didn't think that it was a celebration. So I'm like, hey, I won't see that person anymore. So what am I celebrating for? Your heart breaks. Absolutely. That doesn't change just because you believe they're in paradise. Your heart still breaks. Absolutely. That's why it's harder for the people left behind. Thank you for that comment because I heard church people say, hey, man, we've got to rejoice. Rejoice what? Like this hurts. Yeah. Until I read a scripture and it changed my perspective, me, it changed my perspective. It spoke. It's in Psalms chapter 30. I think it's verse 5. It says, weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. So I now understand that that mourning process is only but for a moment. It's healthy to grieve. It's healthy to mourn because we've done this. You have to grieve. I agree. Do not not grieve. You have to because you're going to wind up poisoning yourself if you don't. It sucks. It's a terrible process, but you've got to do it. You've got to do it. Grieving doesn't just happen with the loss of a loved one. Grieving happens with the loss of a marriage, the loss of a lot of things, loss of a career, the loss of what you thought your life was going to be, all that stuff. So it's not just grieving over a person, but definitely that's what we're talking about right now, and you absolutely have to allow yourself to grieve. I didn't know that earlier years. I thought that I had to be strong. I thought that I had to. I think that men are told they have to be that way. Yeah, I have to suppress it. They're gone. They're dead. Suppress it. Move on. Keep moving. Right. And the world does keep turning, and you do have to move on, but you also have to get that anger, that frustration, that sadness, that heartbreak. You have to expose it and get it out. Otherwise, it is just that's a root of bitterness. Yeah, and that's what it is. It'll wind up killing you. It's a group. Wow, this is amazing. I didn't understand that to the latter years where because of the suppression of grief, I didn't know that it was healthy for me. I thought that I was being weak if I grieved, if I let people see I'm crying and I'm hurting and I'm this and that. And going through that whole process, I thought that was weakness. So even in the loss of someone we love, even in that heartbreak, we're not allowed to be vulnerable? That's what I thought because I had to take on. You're not the only one that thinks that way. That's what I'm trying to point out. Even when your heart's been torn out because you've lost someone that you dearly loved, you're not allowed to express that? How is that okay? How is that okay? I don't even know who taught us that. How did I even take on that mindset to think that I don't need time to grieve? I don't know. Grief doesn't just come in sadness. Grief comes in anger and bitterness. Yeah, absolutely. Wow. Wow. I look back on different times and because I didn't grieve, there were repercussions. There's going to be. And it was bad repercussions where those things start coming out in different ways. I didn't know how to handle anger. So either I would isolate or I would go into a full, all-out rage. And that I fought against, of going into that rage place, but I was successful in the isolation. I didn't want to be hurt. I didn't want to feel that pain. So I was like, huh, I'm isolated. And that's how I dealt. I don't think you're alone in that. I think that's a very popular thing to do. I'm so glad we're talking about it. And you're right. I know I'm not alone in that one because we were – it helped me. It helped me not feel in front of people. Yeah, you become numb. That's the truth. And you put on the face of I'm okay, the mask of I'm okay. Really, you're not. You're just numb to the point that you're not feeling anything. Shelby, you said something that's so good. In this grieving process, please understand, everyone, you have to. It will eventually catch up with you if you don't. In ways that you're not expecting, in ways that you can't even wrap your head around. I'm a witness to it. It taints and poisons a lot of things, and it never should have had the opportunity to do that to. A lot of relationships. And, you know, I think that a lot of people get really angry at God when they've lost someone, but they don't understand that He would understand that. And so then they even close off further because they pull away from their relationship with God. And they blame Him, and they're angry at Him. And instead of expressing that to Him directly, they pull back. And so then the enemy has an even bigger stronghold on them because they've lost that connection because of their anger. And then that's what leads to the anger with other people and the bitterness and all the other spiraling effects that it can have. When you are absolutely able and capable and should tell God, I don't understand this. I'm really angry. How could you do this? Help me understand what is the point? I think also a lot of people wonder what is the point when they've lost someone so dear to them. Like what's the point of me going on? What's the point of me continuing? You're talking to a lot of people right now. I've felt that. I've felt that. Why should I keep going? But your purpose ends because that person is no longer here? That's not how it works generally, I don't think. Well, when you're isolated, you come up with your own answers. Absolutely. Because you've isolated yourself from God because, as you just said, now I'm angry with God. Absolutely. How can you let this happen? Yeah, and you knew how much I loved that person. And supposedly you love me, but you're letting me sit here and suffer, and you took them from me. That's the conversation. Right. That's exactly the conversation. But we should be having it with him. Yes. He knows it. He made those emotions. He knows you're hurt. And I think a lot of the times he wants us to come to him. I mean, I know he wants us to come to him with everything, but I think it breaks his heart when he sees us turn the other direction because we're so hurt. You know, I think that's where we've come up with our own, and I'll use the word traditions, we've come up with our own ways of dealing with certain things. Coping. Coping. Coping. Thank you. I was going to say capabilities. Our ways of coping. I was told, and I think I got about 200 people that will agree. I was told, hey, go get a drink. You'll feel better. Hey, go smoke whatever. You'll feel better. That's how you cope with death. Really? Yeah, that wasn't successful. I saw people, man, they get so, just here recently, I'm talking about like yesterday, watch people do so many drugs and drink so much and thinking that that situation is going to change. It's still there. No, it's just a blanket you're putting over it, and eventually you have to pull that blanket off, and then that thing's going to be real ugly. It's a Band-Aid. We're not steering people to talk to God anymore. We're saying, hey, go to the liquor store. Hey, go to the weed man. Hey, go take a pill. Well, that's, yeah, that's what we're doing in the world because it is the world, and it's probably, you know, I don't know. I was just going to say it's probably even harder for those who don't have a relationship with God, but I'm not sure that that's true because I know for some people who don't know God, who haven't had a relationship, sometimes a loss of a loved one will draw them to God. I agree because man can't explain death or what happens after death. Man can't explain. They can come up with their own assumption. Right. But they don't have an answer to that. No, it's just like trying to fathom what God really is and how powerful he really is and all the things that he's capable of. Yes. We can't because we live in a finite world with our human minds, and our minds are finite. His is not. His is eternal and infinite. Our ways of coping definitely have to change. Now, granted, we're honest. We're open. We're definitely transparent. I can't say that I've never tried those human coping mechanisms. Band-Aids. I've tried them. I think that most of us, yeah, have been there, done that. Or are still doing that. It wasn't successful. But can I go on record and say it took my edge off? It does. I agree with that. But then after a while, you're needing more and more to take that edge off. That. And it never gets rid of what's truly underneath all of that. Come on. Come on. That's what I realized after the fact. I was like, yeah, I'm still hurting. I ain't going to do that again because that didn't help. I can't keep doing it because it didn't help the first time. Don't you think that's where most addictions come from is trying to run from pain, trying to put a Band-Aid on it? Come on. Come on. And you keep having to do more of whatever you're using as a Band-Aid to take the edge off, to get those thoughts out of your head, to be able to function during the day. And then pretty soon you can't even function because you've used whatever it is for, you know, beyond your body's ability to process. Absolutely. Absolutely. It turns from days to weeks to months to years. You're right. And the sad part is when it gets too far gone, how do you stop? Because you're still holding on to that grief. Yeah, that you never process. That you never process, you never dealt with. How do you stop? Because, again, the grieving part is necessary for you to deal with at that moment. It's important. I believe it helps you get to the next day. I looked at a situation that happened with one of my sisters, and it happened on a Sunday. Years later the Holy Spirit gave me a message basically saying, Monday will always follow Sunday. Don't get caught up on the Sunday. Don't stay in the Sunday. It's a temporary situation. And that's where the weeping may endure for a night. Right. So I can't stay on that Sunday. But it's so hard when you're in the middle of it to realize and to soak up that it's a temporary situation and that it will stop. The pain will subside. But the other thing I want to say is why don't we allow each other to grieve when we've all dealt with some kind of loss? Isn't it a natural human emotion to grieve? I would think so. Well, yeah, and we're all human. We all experience it. So why don't we allow each other to experience it? Maybe it's the way people grieve. I'm sure there's different, yeah. Well, it don't take all of that. You shouldn't have to keep crying after two days. But everybody's different, so you can't put limits on it. Exactly. Not a one pill heals all or one size fits all. And you don't know that kind of whatever that person is. They're not you. Right. I realize I'm not everybody. So you can't expect for everybody to deal with things the way you deal with things. Absolutely. So I let people grieve the way they grieve. I'm glad you said that because I've heard people say, hey, and I speak about my mom. My mom, she's dead. And I still think about her. I still talk about her. Of course. I post about her, whatever may have you. And I've heard people say, man, she's been dead for five, six years now. You still dealing with her? Yeah. With my mama. Yeah. I don't know. That's weird. When you just said that, I don't think we don't allow people to do anything different upon our own understanding. If I can put it that way. Right. We expect everybody to think and feel the way we do. Exactly. Because that's all we're familiar with. And that needs to change quickly. Yeah. Because death to everyone is different. It's different. Absolutely. But it's also the same to everyone. That's really good. And that's why we need to allow each other to experience it. Because if we don't, we're just bringing on the inevitable, which is all the stuff we've talked about, if you don't agree. So true. Let me ask a question. I think one of my kids asked me this. Do you think from a human standpoint, or just me asking you, Shelby, do you think that it's different or a different process for you to experience a quick death of something to happen? Like an accident, traumatic accident. Something traumatic. Or would you want to watch a person over time die slowly? Terminal illness or something to that sort. Which one would you prefer? And I know that's a weird, loaded question, but we're having. A weird, loaded conversation. Exactly. Like always. Swear to mouth. I think for the benefit of the person that I love, I would want it to happen quickly. You're not going to ask why. Because who wants to see someone they love suffer? You get more time with them, yeah. And there's pros and cons to both of it. Because you can have those conversations and get those feelings out. And the person left behind can have some preparation in their mind of what's going to happen. I don't know that it really makes a difference, though, when that person's actually left us and they're not here anymore. You know, I've always, I can't say I haven't seen tragic accidents happen because I have. But I've always kind of felt that when you knew it was coming, when you knew death was coming, it would be a lot easier to accept it. I'm not sure that's the case. Because I think a lot of people, even though they know it's coming, there's something within them that's saying, no, it's not. I think we all know. There's a denial. But, I mean, I'm talking like a terminal illness or something like that where you can see the manifestation and you can see it progressing. I think even though you might know that it's coming, it's inevitable, and it's probably happening soon, there's still something within us that doesn't want to let go of that hope. And hope is such a very vital thing for humans, so very vital. Because when you take hope away, a person has nothing. There's nothing left. So I can't say anymore that knowing a terminal illness is going to end soon is any easier than not knowing and having a tragedy happen. Gotcha. And it's good to get, again, this is opinions. If I was asked the same thing, I probably would go with the long term for preparation. In my head, I think preparation for me is getting ready, having enough strength. But what I just heard you say, even though you know that it's going to happen, doesn't make it easier. It's still going to hurt. And sometimes, you know, terminal illness can be so devastating and so ugly and just horrible. And, you know, sometimes I think you're just wishing that their suffering would end. What a dark, this is not a groovy subject at all. It's not a groovy. I really wanted to discuss it and I got here today and I wanted to talk about it on Mike because even me personally, I don't think I've ever discussed this with anyone. Yeah, it's not a popular topic. Yeah, I thought growing up, honestly, man, that this was just it was taboo until it happened. That's what we talk about. It's kind of like sex, but we just we never we never discuss it. We're afraid we're and we're believers. Yeah. Afraid to talk about death. Well, you and I are, but as a whole, as a society, it might be a little. Absolutely. I got a lot of family members that will not have this. I think it's an uncomfortable subject. Like people don't want to they don't want to face death. They don't want to think about facing death. They don't want to think about the afterlife or. The process of dying or any of that stuff, any of it. But why is that? And it's inevitable, but we can talk about something to the extreme of something that's temporary. Explain that. We can have a full discussion for 50 years about anything else. When we talk about death. Oh, boy. It hurt feelings. I have siblings that, oh, no, don't say that. What? I am going to die. You are, too. Can't talk about it. Yeah, you can talk about it, but don't fixate on it. I agree with that. I agree that because death and life is in the power of the tongue. I'm not going to walk around and say, yeah, I'm going to die Wednesday. I repeat that in the name of Jesus right now. I come against anything that was spoken into the air. Amen. That was a hypothetical statement. I promise you I am not going to die Wednesday. Nope. In the name of Jesus. I think that I have a sister that if I mention anything that pertains to death, she freaks out. She don't want to deal with it. She don't want to talk about it. Because she's a believer. She's a believer, but she feels like it doesn't exist to her. I'm very careful when I say certain things to her, but I have to be very direct when I speak about death. She freaks out, but I don't think we need to hide that. Well, there is fear in death. There's a lot of people that have a lot of fear about death, and that's probably where they don't want to talk about it. Why is there fear about something that's going to happen? I can't answer that because I am not one of those people, but there is a lot of fear surrounding death. And if you truly don't understand the paradise that you're going to be going to, then yeah, I would think it's a little scary. So we can watch movies, and they show death all the time. Yeah. Cartoons show death all the time. But they come back. Cartoons, you know, they just say, yeah. Anything. Today's world, we see it more than normal every day. I think it needs to be a subject. Not to put you down or put you in a bad mood, but I personally believe that it could be preparation to understand that what comes behind is a place of celebration. Yeah. So to counteract the fear, you think we need to discuss it. Yes. And explain. And explain. That it's actually. And not in a fearful way. A stepping stone to. Something great. Yeah, that we can't even get our minds wrapped around. There may be people that heard you say earlier, there's a new suit that's going to come. And then you said, I want a size four. People are like, what? What is she talking about? There's another whole other aspect that comes behind this life. Yeah, that we can't even understand, comprehend. We have little ideas and things, but I don't think we can ever grasp the greatness. I agree. Or the peace. It also puts me. It puts me in the mindset of if I know that I'm. I don't know a day or time, but I know that it's inevitable that I will die. Why am I not living my life? Right. Why are you worried about everything? Boom. That's that. That's a subject in itself. Because if we. There's a scripture in John chapter 10, verse 10. It says the thief comes to steal, to kill and to destroy. But I've come that you might have this life. And have it more abundant. More abundantly. Your NIV says, live it to the fullest till it overflows. So I know that I'm going to die. Why am I not living this life to the fullest till it overflows? Yeah. Don't live in the shadow of death. Come on. Yeah. I heard you talking about earlier. I don't want to stay in that place of darkness. I didn't live there for a while. Oh, I did. Oh, I did. But when I moved and I got another address. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 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