episode 13 season 2-men and women

The hosts discuss the hesitation in speaking, interacting, giving compliments, and hugging between men and women nowadays compared to the past. They discuss how compliments can be taken negatively and how society has created an atmosphere where men feel hesitant to approach women. They also talk about catcalling and how it has changed over time. They emphasize the importance of genuine compliments and the need to break down the barriers between men and women. What it do? Hey, welcome to word-of-mouth podcast with Nate and Shelby while she look for a cup What it do people oh my god, it is another beautiful day In the neighborhood man. We're so glad to be back on mic Kicking it Enjoying it loving what we do. Hold on a second. Why she's looking for a cup. I Just want to talk to you all and tell you man thank you so much for all of you all that have tuned in have commented have Just been listening to the podcast. It means so much to both of us Continue to like share talk about it comment. Whatever you choose to do man we we just love doing what we do keeping it honest keeping it open keeping it transparent and And really giving that in which we give with the Word of God also in a true honest open fashion So she had a cup She is good now. Yes. I'm ready. We are back. What up Shelby? She got a cup so she good so listen today Today today, we're gonna talk about and we always say juicy, but this one is real real juicy and Touchy touchy again. Good work. We like those touchy things. Yeah all the time Yeah, so this one we gonna we gonna chitchat about Why are? women and men Hesitant to speak talk interact Give a compliment hug Hello Why are we hesitant nowadays? Compared to how we used to be back in the day Is that a good way of saying it Like it's it's a little different now when men are given compliments to women sometimes we can give a compliment and a Woman can take it in a negative way and say hey, you know Don't don't say that to me Since you said I'm beautiful then I'm gonna you know Look at you different or call you a creep or call you a creeper or whatever may have you and all the man is doing Is this saying hey? beautiful So I tell me I got questions You always do Do I can answer you a woman so, um, we're gonna we're gonna dig into it Have you ever? Been somewhere and wait to y'all do video man, cuz Shelby's beautiful. I Got the pigtails going on today. I don't know how beautiful I am man doing it kind of so when you're in the store or anywhere anywhere in life and the opposite sex makes a comment to you whether it's a Compliment or Just in advance of saying hello. Do you take it in a disrespectful way? Is it derogatory? Is it negative? Is it mean or do you just say? Thank you. I have always been the kind that I Appreciate it Because I think Any kind of initial compliment is just that now if it goes beyond that Then there might be a problem What do you mean by beyond that? Well if they continue to Overdo things or if they go left With what they're saying Then yes, I'm not I'm not up for that Okay, so I'm a man My question is Because I want to speak about the go-left. So if if I walk up to a woman and I say hey How are you today? You're beautiful Is that left or right I Think that's right. I think that's fine. Now if I was going to be particular particular I would say Hey, how are you? And then stop and then say I just want you to know that you're a beautiful woman But I'm not going to tell you how to talk to people because that's ridiculous You can't sit there and mull over every thought that goes through your head and how you're gonna express it to someone I man, I thank you for saying and I agree with that because a lot of people don't know how to approach and sometimes their approach can be rude because they Never knew how to approach people period right? So working in I'd say just working with people you learn how to approach people, but what if they are not social people Well, if you're not social and they want to give a compliment very difficult To do that because you got to have the cojones to do it. And if that's just not in your makeup It's gonna be really hard So, I think for those who are kind of shy Eventually, you're just gonna have to bite the bullet and I used to be a really shy person like extremely Who me? The one you're looking at right now, I know isn't that amazing where oh I don't know Never saw a shot But yeah, I used to be so I get it I can totally identify with that But I know that there was a time I think it must have been high school or college and there was Someone I was interested in and I had been like working myself up for months and months and months and finally it was like I'm just gonna bite the bullet and honestly, I can't even remember if it worked out in my favor or not, but Yeah Yeah, you're revenge if you want it that bad if you like that person that badly you're gonna have to if they're not Interacting with you you got to get to that place and where you how you can get to that place if you won't even Take this first step Wow, I wasn't even like I'm gonna really talk about that with women cuz I didn't even know that women Feel that they can be comfortable enough to talk or even approach a man. I Thought that women wait for men to approach them first Maybe not think that because you're looking at me and you know that I wouldn't wait. No, I mean definitely not you like Do women wait for? Men to make the first You tell me they do I Mean I can only speak for myself. I would love for men to make the first move but Because of my position in life and the way My life has worked out. I have heard I tend to be an intimidating person And so therefore I've heard a lot of men won't approach me because I'm intimidating so that was another reason why I kind of had to break out of that shell because If no one's gonna approach me, I'm not gonna sit there and be a wallflower Oh Ladies Ladies, I need a big comment on this one because she said Something that I've heard a lot of women say that they're Intimidating to approach and men. I've talked to a lot of men men have said that now I don't want to approach her because she she didn't like she'll bite my head off what she look like, you know She she got nuts. I do have a rest Right It's like well should I approach her should I even say anything or I'm gonna just keep walking But I also have a really great smile. And if you if you even get anywhere Interacting with me I generally smile right off the bat, but so the RBF is true, right? Oh, yeah When do we? Cut through the RBF. I mean is it because there's sometimes I don't know because there's some I mean if I Think you can tell when a man's like I am. Yeah, right and If they if there's nothing that's gonna happen there, then you're probably gonna keep getting my RBF Okay to keep you at that distance So as we open this up, you say you you can tell when a man is eyeing you, right? If they're yeah For the most part. Yes Unless they're super shy So you do know that that's where men kind of pull back because we're immediately called creepers because if we're if I can you walk down aisle four and I'm like And I'm gonna go down now for you're just thinking that in your head you're not actually doing that you're not like Maybe I'm not making it. Okay. Yeah, but in my head in your head I just because there are some men that will you know, actually do And that oh, so that's taking an overboard, okay, so if I saw you taking overboard, but I don't I Just was watching tick-tock. Just no wasn't yes. It was a tick-tock about catcalling yesterday. Okay cat Now back in the day catcalling happened all the time yeah, and As a woman I can say there's times that I appreciated it and there were times I was like I'll say bad words to you. Are you gonna get pointed out with the wrong finger? But so I think it's hit or miss it just depends on the the attitude of the Okay, so I know we've opened up a lot of stuff Let's talk about the cat calling first What do you consider a cat call from a man what do you Know that's a cartoon Well, I mean, I don't know do people do men even do that anymore like they used to yell out their car and stuff like That well until we heard that TLC song no scrubs We don't yell out cars But we don't do the cars anymore, but um if we do yell out the car or we see someone I think it's more of the Look instead of the saying something if I'm looking at you and my head Following you going right? that's our cat called now because we don't say anything no more because I Think women started taking it as disrespectful. Like hey, hey girl. Hey, yo, hey girl Yeah, they don't Yeah, well that's just kind of cheesy it is yeah. Hey, baby Yeah, you walk past the construction site Well, I don't even know if it's construction anymore. I don't think I think it I don't know that. I mean, I think that's a Generalization yeah But I I don't know, you know, it's kind of a fine line But I think that when I talk to people now and talk to men now and they say that They don't think they can approach any woman or they can't give her a compliment or whatever even if it's a just a genuine compliment that is a sad statement to me and Then we've got the women who Say well, there aren't any men that approach me the single women, you know trying to find someone and they're saying well No one will approach me or men don't hit on me or whatever well, yeah, because Society has created that Absolutely by not allowing men to give you a compliment There are such things as genuine compliments that don't have any sexual innuendo or any kind of other Connotation said again and we've turned I think all of it into It's a pursuit. It's a sexual advance. It's whatever and that has tainted and divided men and women 100% 100% Boom a lot of men to me. That's that a lot of men now. We think that women are masculine You know why because they don't want to be approached They have the RBS or they are the ones approaching because they've true tables have turned that that's very true now that's that's that's open in the box to because Go ahead. Well, you and I have talked about that even on a podcast they think about me personally I don't want to be in charge of the relationship But I will make the first contact if I'm interested because like I said before I have been told that I am intimidating So when you make the first contact do you think that that kills the intimidation for the man No, but at least lets them know that I'm interested and if they're interested they can reciprocate Some men and I'm gonna tell you why some men will feel that they got to have some type of Cajonas and identity for themselves And I say that to say if you make the first move and you approach a man in a way where you're interested you're interested Yeah, if you don't If you don't know how to respond you just pushed him away That's from for some men because Some men have been put in a box where I've already been denied in this way I've already already been made to feel like I'm a Pervert Pervert creep, whatever may have you so I'm just not gonna say anything, but even if the woman comes to you first Yeah, really yeah because at that point Well, I guess I mean I could be setting you up for something true. That's why I don't do that That's not me. But there are probably women out there that do that. That's why And I think it's all an attack from the enemy Everything that we're saying because why are we so afraid to have a conversation with a woman? But also we're afraid. Okay, is she gonna you know, set me up? Is she judging me? Is she you know? Comparing me to this and that like we have so many apprehensions Talking about especially at this level we're talking about it now because we want to Fix it fix it make more conversation about it. At least men men want to have a Stance we want to say hey, it's okay to say you're beautiful without you looking at me different. It's okay to say hey, ma'am I just want to get the door for you without you looking at me different. I'll share with you We have like chivalry. We've killed it 100 100% I feel like I'm the worst person in the world at times when I even teach my kids Chivalry is real. My son knows what to do for his mom for his sisters, right? But my daughters know if that's there he's gonna do that regardless, but they're thinking well, hopefully my future husbands or Boyfriends or whatever. They'll do the same thing. What happens when they don't At least they have an example cuz There's a lot that don't true that so this is where it gets touchy and I'm kind of I'm kind of leaning toward what you said man. What? Is it ever gonna be a solution for this and I just want to say I've had terrible things said to me. I have had Terrible things said to me in person Yeah We talk about social media. Yeah, we don't talk about that. No, no in person yelled across parking lots and things. Yeah, are you serious? That's disrespectful though Absolutely, and that's where the creeper thing is a problem, but we can't pigeonhole every single Party of the opposite sex and say that they're all like that You're right. I See what you're saying. So you're basically If I'm understanding correctly You're saying to women every man is not the guy that hollered out the derogatory statement that part Every man is not like that. No, thank you. Jesus. Every man is not like that. Amen. Amen But how do you know You don't but I think that I Do think we have to get into the space of Accepting compliments. We have to get into the space of giving compliments. We have to that are genuine and are not For anything other than giving a genuine compliment. What's the genuine compliment? Well, if like you said if you think a woman's beautiful or whatever, I don't see the problem in saying that to her I don't I Need women to me personally, I don't yes, please do because if I'm I might be the Weirdo in the whole because some women would take that so negative and be like either you're flirting with me or you want to get in my pants or something to that sort and I Just said that you're beautiful. Like Can I give you scripture? Do I have to give in proverbs when you give? I Wonderfully me And give you where it is. What chapter what verse for you to accept it like that's sad to say it is I think it's very sad But that's where we are yeah, and I think you know the media is such Anyway, yeah, you guys get the idea what I'm gonna say. Um, yeah, and we have allowed them to Completely program us and and talk us into things that maybe are not fully true and I am NOT there are a lot of Women and men who have been through a lot of in their lives and I am NOT discounting that at all I Have I have experienced the other side of it and it ain't pretty and it shouldn't be okay at all But I would like to think that the majority of people out there are decent human beings and We don't need to be afraid of each other all the time God did not give us a spirit of fear. We just talked about that off Mike Yes, but a spirit of power and of love and of a sound mind if We especially as believers if we're walking through this life in a spirit of fear about everyone that's around us And we're gonna be isolated. We might as well go to a bubble. Not only that but are you really relying on God? Are you really believing in Jesus because you're saying he can't cover you Or that his word is null and void So and we are in hookup culture, I'm sorry what What culture? Look up culture culture. Yeah We don't circle back around to that in about one minute and 46 seconds, okay, so are you saying are you saying that We Don't have to be as men we don't have to be afraid no more that we can take the step just to make a Regular comment healthy. I can't make that decision for you But I would like to encourage you to because if people don't we're just gonna continue to the divide gets further and further But I also don't want anybody putting themselves out there and getting into trouble with it because there's bad women just like there's bad men I mean, there's it's it goes both ways bad humans. Yeah, exactly Got you, but I would like to believe there. There are a lot Fewer of those than there are good people in the world. Okay. I think that we're being trained that all people are bad We're being shown And it's being promoted that all people are bad Yeah, yeah, and they're out to get you and they're out to do something and they're whatever their intentions are horrible But I would choose to believe that people are not that way Whoo, that's good, so I said I'm gonna circle back around to that hook up culture. Yeah, this ain't no hook-up chick. So So what's what? So the culture that we're in right now is everybody's trying to hook up That's what I've heard. Hmm. I'm not a hook-up chick. So I can't tell you but I've had plenty offer. Oh Okay, so Because of this type of culture Everybody may be thinking Even from a compliment that you're just trying to hook up with me. Yeah So do we need to leave the culture and kind of create something? Yeah, that would be a great thing for the human race to leave the hook-up culture behind Get out the hood in the rearview mirror. Yeah And and and walk into what kind of culture? Appreciating each other. Mmm healthy. Ah, okay. Yeah Understanding that that person has the same needs and issues and crap that you do and Everybody's struggling in some manner facts in some form or fashion whether it's little or big or internal or You know financially or whatever We all have some kind of something we're fighting with if not more than one Industry people how you want to be treated Boom what do you know? So and I think we have to be open and honest about stuff like you and I don't have any problem with that and Anytime I'm approached by someone I straight-up first thing I say is I ain't a hook-up chick So if that's what you're looking for, you better pounce in or we can be friends, but that you ain't getting anything Ain't no ain't going nowhere So You said up front in the door automatically so they can know up front Yeah, okay. And when is that comment made after a man saying hey, how you doing? If I'm picking up a vibe You're opening up more doors. So what kind of vibe do you pick up? Well, if you keep talking about certain things And You're going in a certain direction. I'm gonna be like, okay, I get where you're going I can't don't do it right out the gate. But if I'm seeing signs then I'm like, okay, I think what you're Pursuing is something that ain't gonna happen. So let me just let you know up front that it ain't gonna happen What are those certain things? That you pick up Well, you could there's lots of people that are pretty damn blunt about it, which we all know that I'm blunt about things, too Yes. Yes. Yes, and then there's just the constant Comments about your body constant comments about physical things You know, it's not just the initial kind compliment it is more Pursuant and it's more focused on So, let me give you an actuality let me give you an example, um, so when I go to the gym, you know the gym dangerous place Women in the gym don't don't wear hoodies and big Jogging suits. No, they don't do that. Okay, so if I see something that is nice looking And we can be both in the area lifting or whatever and you know how women dress in the gym It's it's inevitable that you're gonna see the body All right. Yeah. So how do you not pick up on that vibe of a male looking at a female body? Now before you make the comment I'll give a scripture When God put man to sleep he created this beautiful amazing creation that men love So, how is it not possible for the man not to look at a woman's? physique or figure or her body period especially if it's Showing body parts, but the word talks about respect Got it and loving The other person like Jesus loved the church God loved the church. So there has to be respect involved if you're being cringy and you're leering Yeah, don't do that. So when you're in the gym You're telling me that you can pick up if a person is being Cringy cringy. Absolutely Yeah How The glance is extended it's a constant it's a focused look it's sometimes even the face shows what Is going on in the brain or the body? Okay, okay, so this is like this is helping me because I have daughters and My youngest she she runs track and these track shorts Yeah So in my mind, I'm thinking how men would think looking at my kid my daughter my baby girl But she's just running track get your blood pumping, huh facts But she's just running in a sport so Or if she's you know in a sports facility and she's working out or whatever They're gonna have on this particular stuff So do I just snatch her out of it because every woman's gonna be looked at in that way in that place Okay, I'm gonna speak on that because we're if every woman is being looked at in that way We are not raising our men correctly then You're right, you're right Because there's a difference in looking and there's a difference in gawking and yeah and being cringy But you know there's a whole lot of emphasis put on what women do and how women behave and there are There are hoes out there, but it goes both ways, but we don't talk a lot about how we're Sorry We don't talk about how we're raising our men our boys to respect women right and That a woman should be able to wear what she wants without having to Consider if she's safe or not and I struggled with that. I struggle with that especially having daughters because My youngest daughter she Right around the 12 13 14 We would go and get clothes from the mall and stuff like that and I didn't see anything loose Anymore like everything became tight, so I was talking to her mom like hey I mean I can go to the boy store and get her something, but I didn't want to snatch away her feminine femininity. Yeah, like so it's From this side as a dad. I can see it as a man. I'm saying now When I go to the gym, I'm focusing on weights and getting up out of there I don't want to make a comment to no one I don't say anything to no one because anything can be taken in the wrong way Yeah, I get what you're saying and it's like we're talking this and that's why we're talking about this. It is a fine line It is there is always gonna be cringy people. There's always gonna be perverts and shitheads and on both sides, yes hose and And I'm not trying to offend anybody with my language I'm just being straight up so that we're all on the same page about it on this open. Yes There are always going to be people like that But we can't allow those people to poison the relationships between the rest of us Because not everyone is like that True I agree and there probably are certain places like maybe the gym that you shouldn't make comments Because you're probably gonna yeah open up a can of worms well, I feel like it's it's it's kind of a one standard type of thing because a woman can make a compliment to a man Yeah, I'm sorry double standard because the woman can make a compliment to a man at any given time and it's okay Like it is a double standard. I agree with you 100% and women can touch men all the time But if a man touched a woman it'd be all hell you preaching break loose. Yeah That's real like Absolutely, I see women put their hands on men all the time and it's like dang if the tables were turned on that one Wow, yeah I'm taking a sip on this one Me too But why is it a double standard in that way? We can't say anything. We can't speak. We can't definitely don't touch men. Don't touch Touch all those different things, but then the flip side man, it's like a free pass We need to relearn respect obviously, is that the thing? I mean, maybe we need to learn what respect is or relearn it across the board. Yeah Because Your hands should Stay in your pocket Their mother out there teaching her daughter. Hey, don't put your hands on a man's butt help me My daughter sure as hell better not be doing that Not you, but do you think mothers are teaching their daughters that do you think mothers are saying to their daughters? Hey, don't walk up and touch a man's chest or don't rub on his arms or you know, just do you think? but I have to speak to that because I I Inflirtation And I think flirtation is innocent for the most part but there are Certain signs that you give off when you're flirting with someone and Some of them would be yeah a casual touch on the arm or something like that, right? Yeah So then again, we're looking at it's a fine line and you've got to read the the situation and the circumstance How do you read it like how do you I know how a man can read it Where we just pull back and don't say anything, right? How do you read if we've trained you to do that? Not we I'm just saying society has trained you to do that he has done that so we Now we're back at square one because Men can't say anything Ain't gonna walk up and touch you and then women if they pursue They're being masculine We're back at square one, right? That's why we're talking about this so we can figure out a plan. Yeah, we got to come up with something. Um What about Well, I mean Everything has to be respectful Everything. Mm-hmm. Everything should be done in respect. Yes, there is nothing that should ever be done outside of respect But now this this is where the debate will come in Whatever your level of respect. Yeah, right your level of respect may be different from someone else's. That's true But you won't know until you get there Absolutely And as soon as that respect is stepped on and you have acknowledged it or it's been pointed out to you Then you have to stop. There is no question You would think people will stop. Well, you know better. Don't come and get your teeth kicked in Punched in the next week and then you deserve that But then you have entitlement that'll come in you have now I feel like you know, I got to say something Entitled to anything because you ain't this world ain't gonna give you a damn thing and you don't get to go out there and take it Come on That it doesn't belong to you she's speaking facts right now. Um, I Think we have hid behind What we've been trained to do In in the social way we've been trained this way now that we're now Relying more on the behind-the-scenes. It's always a text Inbox DM me Somebody said p.m. Me one time I was like, what is private message? Oh, thank you Okay, so I did online dating for quite some time Mm-hmm, and I would have to say that that actually was kind of nice because you could weed through things Really? Yes So I've actually been against it because yeah, I don't know you online That's why I don't know you online. I don't know you online I don't know you online. I don't know you online. I don't know you online Yeah, I don't know you online That's why I mean you talked about this. I was like, nah, I'm good I don't want to do that because I don't know what's gonna happen Cuz you can't necessarily trust what they put online, right? We see the shows. I mean catfish Yeah, and I've been there done that several times. Got you So I'm not guess I'm old school when it comes to that. I'd rather meet you face face Yeah, but there's steps to it like I think that the texting comes before the meeting or the email whatever the the non in-person interaction Gets you to where you decide if you want to have the in-person interaction, but then now we're coming up with a solution then so should it be easier for us to Non-person first like we should if I see someone in the grocery store, and I think that she's amazing Should I go to the cashier and have the cashier to announce it in the store that the lady in our six is beautiful I'm saying like Cuz that's my non way. I don't know where that would go But um, that's my non way of communicating so I can break the ice Well, that's the thing though, like if you see someone in person and you you're not obviously gonna have their number Right. You don't have a way of contacting them other than Going up to them in person I'll tell you what we did as kids. We wrote a note. Oh, I know check. Yes or no. Check. Yes Do you like me? Right? No, but You could do that. You could bring that back Because it won't be taken disrespectful, it's just a Question, right Which I shouldn't say do you like me? I should say I like you. I think you're attractive. I'm gonna say I like you Yeah, I can be taken Yeah, I think you're attractive If you're okay with me saying that you're attractive I don't know But see, I don't know are we beyond repair already I mean, can we can we backtrack can we circle back or is it too late already? And then we got the AI shit coming out and that's gonna Well, I mean we already had some of that stuff is already Anyway, cuz I know you've gotten the DM with a picture. I'll wait I know you've gotten the DM with Adam Yes, so why do you guys do that? I understand that Why do people do that Oh people? Okay. Um, I can't really talk from my perspective, which is I get unsolicited Yeah, so you get them appendages pictures I Have in the past I haven't gotten any for a long time and I don't want any so don't send me any amen Fellas, don't send no pictures of anything Shelby, okay, if you find her on any social media site, do not send your body parts Stop it. Same thing goes with Nate to ladies ladies. Stop it. But where did we get like that? Well the phones Really made that a thing because it's instant and you have it right there and you can do it at any time Well, it's phones and the next generation like the younger generation That's all they focus on and the snapchat makes boom goes away. It is so it's now it's easier It's quicker But did it make us More focused on that or were we always focused on that and we just have the access to it now Yeah, we were always focused on that here's honesty in my teenage years, yeah, I was always focused on that I took the time to go through the steps to get it I'm pg-13 right now. I Took the steps to get it, but I was a teenage boy Yeah, we're focused on that. It's it's easy access nowadays so So there's compound yeah, they just say I want it and The girl was funny. Okay, but I'm 50 freaking years old. It's different for us. Yeah, you can't just say I want it Well, but what you can't why why at 50? Are you still thinking you need to send it across? You know Or or or whatever the women are sending you which I can only imagine I I wish I can respond to that for a man because I Don't want to touch that Just men don't don't send pictures. Well, you can't just say that to men well, cuz You know me I can lie. Yeah, everybody can lie Like Photoshop laughs. I'm trying to think women can't Well, yeah, yeah, I just send you a picture without their face on it what you don't know who it is I feel like we We probably won't be able to return back to Older days, but we can't come up with a solution where it can be respectful. It can be healthy And it can be fruitful Yeah, I just want to know where the class went Like that start leaving alone, you know you can send Like if you're in a relationship and whatnot, yeah send pictures. What the hell? Oh, yeah. Great more power to you But if you ain't there yet, I just that's classless to me You come out I'm old-school though x-rated pictures, yeah course x-rated You can go on their Facebook page and get regular pictures, right? That's not what I'm talking about There's that's a waste of time to talk about those things. All right, I Don't really know why It's important. Like I really don't know why I wish I felt as I wish I can say I did if you're in a relationship It's kind of playful But if you're not I guess to assert like, okay, here's honesty, it's me and you okay and all y'all I never went to strip clubs and The reason why I didn't want to go to strip clubs because it was a tease for me if I can't get the real thing Yeah, so I don't I'm not a lot of people like that tease I Mean that's just different strokes for different folks. I thought it and that's I mean, yeah I've just never been nothing wrong with either way the teasing it if I'm gonna send you a picture you're getting a picture or I'm Getting the picture. That's a tease for me Just come meet me My address is you know Instead of you sending a picture and I get the part of relationship and making it You know spicy and stuff like that or building up that tension. Yeah, I'm talking about that. But um Yeah, I don't want to be Teased Huh? Different strokes. Yeah, absolutely Absolutely, I just never I'm different in that Well, there's I'm sure there's other people like that. I believe I don't think you're the only one. I hope so. I believe so cuz I Don't know it. It's not gratifying For me. Yeah however So, okay Cuz I know you've gotten them. So when you get a picture, what's your initial reaction? I'll open it Lee. Well, of course you open it And then I'm like, what is this going to do like Are you telling me something are you Are you advertising? Right? Are you insinuating that you're on your way? Like what? What's the endgame? I know I get it and I kind of look at it. I've gotten videos. I watch the whole video. Oh Wow All the way through but but after that then it's like then what What's next So, I don't I don't I've never been a big advocate of that because if it's not the full thing Yeah The healthy part of it is If we're dating or if we're you know interacting in that way and we're building up to it. I got it But that's not a way to get me like not out the gate. Yeah, right. That's yeah, I mean either that's not Doesn't do anything for me at all. I just sit there and go really and you can have parts on TV You can see parts. It's people walk around half-naked Right, but for me, I think it is like if you can't read me and see that that ain't my thing That picture just feels the deal that that ain't my thing. How can they read you up front like it? Shelby, I don't think I have to read you what it's hard if a person don't have discernment. They can't read you If a man don't have discernment, there's no way possible he can read the kind of person you are Because we've had a few conversations You sure as hell should be able to tell that I'm old school classy broad and I ain't about the pictures He got to have a few conversations to know that some people just don't give a shit what you are and they send you Whatever they want because they think they're so impressive That's true That is true. That is true. But a lot of people won't pick it up off the first conversation Well, I'm not talking the first commerce. I haven't gotten any off the first conversation. Lord Have mercy if I got it off the first conversation BAM. I haven't gotten him off the first conversation I've gotten him off of a few conversations. Oh I've gotten a couple of first comments. Okay. Well, that's just Just looking for one thing, that's all okay. All right, so if a guy in my opinion, that is my opinion Mm-hmm doesn't have to be right and it doesn't have to be everybody's that's my opinion. This is just Shelby Yeah, got it. They're after one thing and that's great That's what you want. Yeah But I've never gotten one right off the bat. Okay Well, I believe that there are men out here that will take the time Because if you if you met Shelby in person like she's a sweet She's blunt She's definitely authentic and real but she's sweet Nothing at all, but she is sweet so Men that struggle in their identity would feel intimidated around you and I say that to you 100% as a friend because You can be You can be intimidating to some to a man that just wants someone that bow down to them Yeah, because you don't come off as they're all often about down to you buddy Yeah, that's not your makeup. No, I Would agree with that, why are we not talking about me now? I would agree with that but If you get to know me, you would know that I appreciate a man that's in charge and I want to be led But you have to gain that respect. Yeah, I get to know you. Yeah, I get it Yeah, but they don't want to if you already struggling as a male if you already struggling in your identity up front Yeah, you're not gonna take the time to get to know a woman that is definitely confident that is for sure about her You really are Female and male. Yes. All right, right. So for you, what do you think women should do? in opening up to just receiving regular compliment You don't I think don't go out with the attitude that everyone's trying to get something from you That would be my approach. That's what I do I don't go out there thinking everyone's trying to get something from me or harm me in some manner. Okay But I'm different I'm a peculiar bird So, I mean I would just encourage them to try and take that outlook and Understand there are cringy people out there. It doesn't matter where you go or what sex they are. They're cringy But it doesn't mean everybody fits in that box and the majority of people I don't think fit in that box So don't keep trying to put everybody in that box Now when they show you themselves and they show you how real they are and they are cringy then yes You absolutely put them in the box feel that box and ship it off to Madagascar or something else but But give Just relax just chill Got it. Got it ladies but if your spidey senses go off then don't chill because you got to pay attention to your spidey senses because Your spidey senses tell you things Your discernment, okay, you're good Spidey senses got it. And it goes both ways. I was just about to say for the men I want you to take that same advice in What Shelby just said and just relax If it's a comment and you feel that she's clamming up from a comment pull back Yeah, or you can say I'm sorry if that offended you I mean we can all say we're sorry Can we not are those words not come out? No, you know, sorry don't work anymore Well, it should it's part of the English language. So It don't work anymore. People are ready to sue you Well, yeah, that's because the lawyers drummed all that crap up so they could keep getting paychecks and you know lawsuits. Yeah, whatever however Men you can relax you can relax you can you can make a regular conversation. You can have a healthy conversation like if you're in a park and You see a woman sitting on the park bench. She's just chillin and you say hey, how you doing today? Enjoying this day? It's a beautiful day outside If you think or feel as though she's either pulling away or she don't want to be bothered you'll sense it Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, you'll sense it Cuz she'll she'll give a look motion a look. Uh-huh. Yeah, and just pull back You don't have to be disrespectful with it. I just pull back Pull back Because I think some men when we get our feelings hurt We're ready to disrespect you because you didn't take my well disrespect needs to go out the window altogether because that's bullshit well, I mean if you don't take my pickup line like Okay, but let's get put on your big-boy drawers for God's sake and She doesn't have to and he doesn't have to agree. You do not need to force people into things That's that's where we're wrong. That's where it goes. Your attitude is wrong It goes left right there Like I said, you might get your teeth kicked in or punched into next week and that would be a deserving consequence There it is So don't get throw punch. But yeah, you can't you can't force somebody to like you You can't force somebody to reciprocate anything Nobody owes you a dang thing Which should make you appreciate the ones who give you stuff more because nobody owes you anything. Come on Wow and if we appreciated each other more than we wouldn't have to worry about the disrespect and the other crap that Is a big one We have to appreciate People more the human race more. Yeah, just people It's okay For a male or female to just say thank you. Yeah, and that's it. You're over and done with no more It's done yeah, and you were nice and they were nice and and I always say if you went into it with the right convictions and you Went into it with the right Intentions Then what do you have to worry about If that's where it's coming from You got nothing to worry about in my opinion. That's how I live life if I went into it with the right intentions, which I do for the most part I Actually, honestly all the time. But anyways, and yeah, I get kept on sometimes but that's okay. That's just part of life Wow, you know, I think it's not perfect. It's not pretty and it's not fair. So get over it So true. So I was in line. My daughter and I we were together yesterday and We were at a restaurant and it was some people behind us This is this is where it kind of threw me off The people that was behind us. I actually we were in a drive-thru. I asked a lady. Hey, I'm much of the Bill for people behind us and we went ahead and paid the bill and we got up to the window and the lady was Blowing the horn. Mm-hmm. And so I kind of pulled off to the side and she was like, why did you do that? Instead of being appreciative Yeah See, but we think everybody's intentions are terrible. I was like man. I'm just trying to bless your daddy So I felt like crap right because I purchased her And that's why we don't want to do nice things anymore Because we've been told that everybody's out to get us everybody is out to do something No one has pure intentions anymore. No one has a good heart. No one has anything but Evil intentions and that's not true. That is a ploy from the enemy and I canceled that assignment We can have pure intention Yes, and we do and and we can just Live this life without being all uptight you know frustrated and aggravated and this and I mean, it's just It's weird. I think we do got to spread that kind of love everywhere. See where it goes Starts with you Shelly. It starts with us. Yes, it does. No, I'm I'm putting you first Starts with you Shelly it starts with us. Yes, it does No, i'm i'm putting you first Well, I already do it so you can Just feel that because that's the way it is I I do I do appreciate the kind of woman that you are. I've saw men we work together Uh in the ministry and I saw men look at you in that way and you're not you know, like What are you looking at? Like you you just kind of Like Be you and that's a good thing. I mean, you're not uh, I don't get offended at all At all, and that's such a great thing Now if you Act out of Left field then I will and of course react in a place. But yes, if if it yeah Oh, I saw you it has to escalate for me to react. Oh, and then I will react but yes Yes, I know you And you've also heard things that I say yes yes, so the good part about it ladies and gentlemen, if we can let's just Chill out In the words of Shelby calm down chill Take a chill pill man and just relax. Yeah, just don't jump to the conclusion that people are Having poor intentions. I think I think we have to remember that that not everybody has bad intentions That's right And if they say hey, you're nice Or you're nice looking or you're beautiful Just say thank you. Yeah, and just appreciate it And male or female move on everybody move on male or female, right? Absolutely women can make comments to a man And don't think she want to get in your pants all the time either brother if she say hey, you smell good Just take the compliment, right? Yeah, that's it. Walk off Stop saying. Hey, baby, what you want to do later, right? She just said don't jump to that conclusion, right? Yeah Same thing make it at face value people. There you go. Hey, we're gonna work this thing instead of Overthinking that's it. That's it. So, um, which I do all the time So listen this has been word of mouth podcast with nate and shelby man, thank you all so much for tuning in Um, and we'll see you next time. Love you. Have a blessed day So