Jessica Christian

The speaker discusses her experiences of emotional abuse and trauma in relationships, starting with her son's father and then her second husband. She also talks about her struggles with infertility and miscarriage. Despite the challenges, she remains determined to prioritize her child's well-being and seeks help for her daughter's developmental issues. Eventually, her second marriage ends due to her husband's unhappiness. yes we are what is it yes all right we are back for season four of women of fortitude with Ronnie Jane and Kelsey and our first guest of the season is miss Jessica Christian and I'm so excited to hear her story and let her share her story with you she is my hairdresser and a native of well I knew her from Pine Grove before that she was a thrasher but I just she's a wonderful person a wonderful inspiration and I am just excited to hear all that you have to say thank you for having me I'm glad that you've invited me to come so where do you want to start like all the way back or where are you taking us before I get started at any time in the story I need to begin with saying that when I talk about an emotional rollercoaster or an emotional abuse I am also a person that is my love language is words of affirmation and so with that being said that that's a double-edged sword right there words also hurt you a lot deeper than they do some others so you know there are times that maybe I felt things a little deeper than what they were meant to have been built to me I don't have any word right or say that I think that was perfect so I guess I'm going to go back to the beginning of adulthood early adulthood when I became a mother for the first time and it's important to know that I was raised in a family where living with someone or giving birth to children before marriage was really frowned upon my parents have been married now for almost 40 years actually and I just was not raised in that type of environment so when I first met my son's father I was 18 years old I've been out of high school for about two years I met him through the local college he was very handsome he was popular he was a baseball player he was going to school for forestry I was absolutely he he just took me like I just fell in love with him my parents didn't really care for it they thought we were moving too quickly they felt like I was making poor choices you know and they tried to step in quickly but I was rebelling a little bit and then I became pregnant with my son and I had mixed emotions about that because I knew that it was going to devastate my family but I also knew that I was pro-life and that doing anything other than raising him was just not a choice it was a choice that was not my choice I was going I was going to do it and that meant whatever that had to be so of course it did devastate my parents and I moved out of their home and I started my adulthood a little earlier than expected so soon after I gave birth to my son his father and I had gotten to know each other pretty well during the pregnancy and it wasn't going very well it wasn't what I had expected I learned quickly that status doesn't matter looks do not matter sometimes you're just not compatible with people and so there was a lot of fighting there was a lot of physical altercation not necessarily hitting but there was things that I was not quite used to shoving slamming things against walls and it did traumatize me a little bit I've never seen anything like that I've never been around anything I've never had people screaming at me to that degree so it kind of came to it actually ended it you know sometimes God removes people from your life because he knows that if he doesn't do it you're not going to and I would have since I was raised the way I would I would have stayed in that environment to raise my son with his father as a family so there were several nights that he didn't come home and finally one day his best friend came to me my son was about two months old and he said Jessica I have something I really need to tell you it's going to devastate you and I'm very sorry but I think that you need to know okay so he told me he said I ran into him he was with another female okay so I confronted him about it and he admitted it and I mean he didn't come out and say yes I was with her but he said I'm gonna pack my bags and go so he did he just that it was really that simple there was no fighting no fussing he packed his stuff up and he was gone I didn't hear anything from him for a while and about two months later I was working in the mall and my boss came up to me and she said Jessica I need you to sit down a minute I need to tell you something okay she said your son's father has married someone and she is expecting his baby and I had a two month old at that time probably three or four months because it had been a few weeks since we had separated and I was not aware that he was that serious with anyone so it was it did kind of traumatize me so for the next year I just did my best to raise my son he didn't have much he didn't see his father very often until he's about a year old that was that was very traumatizing for both of us when he did start seeing his father again so then you fast forward a little bit three years later I met my husband and we were together for about a year we decided to get married and we had there were good parts of our marriage and there was you know we were both still young in our early 20s we were learning about being a family of a blended family and my son looked up to him as a father really really did and he was a good father he did take good care of us but there was a lot as he thought his own demons and there was a lot of there was a lot of I would say now in my more mature years that it was actually emotional abuse rather he meant for that to be or not that's that's what it boils down to now I'm never saying that I was perfect but I did live a very, what is the word I'm looking for? Submitted? Submissive lifestyle. I was a stay at home wife. I cooked. I did a radio at a certain time. I did all the house chores and that worked for us for a long time until it didn't. But I felt and I don't think he intended for me to feel very controlled but I did because he controlled our money. I had to ask if I needed something you know things like that so I had went from being a very vivacious teenager to being a very submissive adult female so it was um it was a role change for me but my world revolved around my kid and you know I wanted to make that I wanted to continue to make that work for him and in my mind I was blessed in a lot of ways because I got to be home with him I didn't have to work you know I did want to work but it just didn't I could not keep up with the home chores like I felt like I was expected to do and work as well so then it went into and I'll make this next part a little shorter then it went into I decided I wanted to do something for myself and I wanted to go to cosmetology school so I did I went to cosmetology school I did craft on the side and I worked at Owen Mills selling picture packages portraits and didn't make a lot of money but it got me gas money to earn back and of course my husband helped me along the way and so I got done with that and I worked for a little while in Florence Mississippi I worked for a lady named Mabel Allen sleep Mabel she's passed away now but that was my first experience I didn't feel like I was very good at it I was new didn't feel like I was very good so during that time I had been trying to get pregnant and I couldn't we went a year or two with you know I call it some torture actually for women who really have their heart set on having a baby in each month you take that pregnancy test and it's negative it's a heartbreak every month so I've seen doctors and never went as far to have IVF or anything like that but they all told me the same thing have endometriosis you can't have a baby well I did get pregnant and I won't go into detail about that I still can't talk about that one but um I carried that baby for a few weeks knowing we were so excited we had announced it to the world and then I carried that baby for a few weeks knowing that we weren't gonna be able to carry it and they told me that I just had to wait it out the HGG levels weren't rising the way they were supposed to I was going every other day for sonograms and blood work and during that time it escalated our issues really escalated under that stress well we miscarried that baby and I thought well hope is over that was it and then I ended up pregnant with Chloe and Chloe is my little she keeps me humble she is my little spitfire but my pregnancy with Chloe was great few bumps in the road but nothing major but my marriage still kept deteriorating and then once she was born we really it turned into it turned into a nightmare honestly he was unhappy I was unhappy because I was focusing on her she had a lot of issues that I was seeing because I had raised the child previously that didn't have those same challenges so he he didn't see those because he didn't he's never raised a child at that age when he and I had met my son was three so he didn't he had never raised a one or two year old he didn't realize that she wasn't meeting her milestones and so I quickly became crazy crazy and upset you know there's nothing wrong with my child he would say you're being crazy there's nothing wrong with her and there was a part of me that wanted to believe that I was crazy because I didn't want anything to be wrong with my child I didn't want her to have struggles or be different but the other part of me the mother motherly instinct was there is something going on and it's your responsibility to make sure that it's taken care of her needs are met and I had always heard that the sooner you called it and the earlier that you got help those therapies you know that the better the outcome would be so I was trying frantically but I didn't know anybody else in that situation I didn't know where to turn and so our marriage actually did end up deteriorating completely he told me that he wasn't happy that he felt like life was short and he needed to find what would make him happy and so I'm not one to beg anybody but I really I sat and I talked with him and I said I want you to consider this I feel like you're going through something with you know it just never did it just never did pan out so we did end up splitting up and during that time he come to his senses I guess you would say and he come back and he said I love my family and I want to make things right but I had been so I was so focused on her and I've been through so much with him already that I felt like I needed that break. I was under so much stress with her that I didn't feel like I could take on more stress and so I'm trying to get all in in a short period of time. I'm trying to not throw them under the bus at the same time. yeah yeah yeah if you need to find your spot in your notes whatever I've got my Do you think I should have left that stuff out and made it shorter? No no and I always say talk as long as you want. Daniel's going to cut it down to 45 minutes though. Let's go back to where my mother-in-law told me you got to be a bulldozer. That's important at the end of the story. So during our separation my mother-in-law who was always very good to me during our marriage she you know was trying to protect him she was trying to love me the way that I needed to be loved and she really had hoped that our family would stay together but ultimately as any mother would you know she she kind of defended him yeah I wouldn't say she necessarily defended him but she kind of pushed me in a direction that she felt like I needed to go to save our marriage okay so it was I think she was trying to help us but I don't think she realized the significance of our child's issues that we have she didn't see her just a whole lot so she I don't think she realized I don't think she was denying it necessarily but she just didn't so she would say you need to go back to work you need to go back to work and she needs to be in daycare the problem with that was I had sent Chloe to three daycares already and they had sent her back to me the lady in Ryanzie was the first lady and I had told her you know what I don't know exactly what's going on with her but she's very difficult to manage but I need to go to work so okay she called me that evening she said Jessica I'm so sorry I don't I'm not equipped to handle her she needs extra care she picked up very quickly that there was something different about Chloe than other children and how old was Chloe during that time she was probably about 18 months oh wow yeah she had we knew as soon as Chloe started walking good that something was different she Chloe was always trying to run away from everyone she was trying to clone stuff she was very she was sensory speaking she was trying to you know it was extreme it was to the extreme she had actually escaped the daycare that day and the lady said I don't have anything to contain her and this passes my my imagination this surpasses my imagination I never in a million years thought you were this serious about it and that lady actually still follows me to this day and keeps up with Chloe but and then the next daycare told me the same thing we need one person to stay with her she needs individual care she needs a monitor we don't have that here and so I tried to explain that to my mother-in-law and I think in her mind she just thought you know like she doesn't want to go to work I understand that coming from a mother-in-law's point of view but deep down I really did because I I never intended to be a stay-at-home mom although I'm grateful that I got to experience that that was never my plan as a teenager that was never my dream so I did want something for myself but I also wanted to be a good mom so it was very it was a very difficult time for me trying to get my kids the help she needed and be the wife that my husband needed and it was just very difficult and it's Kayden too that you're raising. Kayden was and people joke that he's my baby. Kayden, I feel like he's been raised with me as sadly as that sounds he went through a lot of life obstacles with me he's always been by my side with me and he's a very he's a good kid and he's been a lot of help to me through the years and he does get some special attention because I feel like we need to make sure that he knows how much he's loved and so we did for many years take vacations just he and I because she does demand so much of my attention that it is nice to just focus on him sometimes but yes you are absolutely right and so we went through our divorce it really really devastated my son because he looked to him as a father and we spent a couple rough years there I had had both of my children in therapy and myself trying to work through those emotions I was taking Chloe to Le Bonheur two and three days a week for a while and we stayed at the FedEx house they did testing on Chloe and then they gave me my answer they told me that she was autistic and I guess I maybe I didn't go through denial I accepted that but I also kept asking the doctor I think in my mind I was looking for therapy ways to help her ways to help with the symptoms of the diagnosis but the doctor felt like I was in denial and she sat down her name is Dr. LaDette Dr. LaDay she was at Le Bonheur Neurology and she grabbed my hand and she said you are in denial there is no cure for your child we can help her along the journey but you have to stop doing this to yourself you're killing yourself and I was obsessed with it I didn't know anything about it I was trying everything to help her to make things better I didn't want to fix her I mean yeah I would have fixed her if I could help but I didn't want to change who she was I loved her personality I just didn't want her to struggle her whole life you know you don't want that for your child and so at that time I think it dawned on my ex-husband that I wasn't actually crazy you know that that and he did he went several times with me and we tried to do it together it's very difficult to be going through a really hard time in a divorce and also be going through a diagnosis with your child and I still loved him very very much so it was very it was heartbreaking it was heartbreaking but she they told me then that she would probably never talk and that she probably wouldn't learn to ride a bicycle we had to do therapy for years for her to cross her midline and we've had you know we've had occupational therapy speech therapy we've done everything we did that for years and years but and this is where my story kind of starts to turn to take a change okay so this is where my story takes a turn after Chloe's diagnosis and during my divorce. My children and I lose it all the time. Please edit that out too Daniel. I don't want you guys to hear losing all that. Okay, I don't care y'all. Okay, we need some of these clips that Daniel edits out of getting divorced from me. Okay, sorry about that. Yeah, where did she get to? Her story took a turn and where did it turn to? Okay, my story took a turn and I ended up moving. I moved out of the home that he and I lived in together and I moved into an apartment and I did actually at alimony for two years it was $300 yeah so I knew that I couldn't hold a full-time job because I was taking her to therapy several times a week and also could not at that time back years ago daycares were not equipped to handle children who were on the spectrum at all or had any type of mental I like to call it ability because I don't like the word disability and I don't like the word limitations even though sometimes you have to use those but so I was really in a bad situation and I didn't have a clue what to do so I actually started selling off my furniture and started with selling off I thought well maybe just get through this it'll be fun so I ended up selling off all my furniture and making my rent and then the next month I would sell off more stuff to pay that rent and it was very heavy on me and I was starting to run out of things to sell and I was starting to get really tired of trying to keep up with her and do crafts and and get them you know turned out in time for for customers to pick up so I thought you've got two years to get your life together before that you know alimony is cut off you have two years to figure out what you're doing with your whole life that's a short amount of time you gotta do something quickly and so at that time I decided I was going to go to dental school and so I did I enrolled in dental school at night and during the day we would do her therapy and at night I'd go to dental school and my saint of a mother would help me with her and it was really difficult because my mother struggles with health problems so it was hard to keep up with a rambunctious child like Chloe. Kaden is very easy to handle so anywhere that he stays he's a big help so it did help that he was there with her but at that point I had an incident where someone had came in my apartment on me and Chloe while we were asleep. Kaden was in his bedroom and we were on the couch and the door woke me up and the gentleman come in on me and I said I can't stay here anymore I've got to I've got to get out of here so I moved over to government housing and I didn't even know that I lived there. I had gone from living in a big beautiful home to having nothing and I did have a vehicle that my ex-husband had bought for me in the settlement of our divorce and that's also going to come back at the end of the story too. So I was living in government housing and I didn't have money for Christmas that year and I didn't have an account change to go to get sandwich meat and stuff. I held off as long as I could. I didn't want to apply for food stamps. I was ashamed of my situation and I also didn't want help. I wanted to do it myself but I didn't know how to do it myself. With a child that had so many appointments and special needs I didn't want to ask my ex for extra help. I didn't want to call his mother. I didn't you know there are several things I didn't want to do but I remembered at that point that during my divorce when I was explaining to my mother-in-law why I couldn't find a daycare she made the comment to me you've got to be a bulldozer. You just got to bulldoze people over to get what you want. You just you just got to be a bulldozer to get where you're going in life and at the time it didn't really work. But then it started coming back to me when I was in that situation I was in and I started thinking about what she said and I was like yeah I do like I'm gonna have to force people to make my way through this and I'm gonna have to accept humiliation and I'm gonna have to you know I'm gonna have to to put myself out there. If I stay cooped up in here and don't tell anybody what's going on or don't don't try to help myself I'm not gonna better myself. So that's when you know like everything just started transpiring. I was just I was sideways around obstacles like if something popped up and I couldn't make it work to my advantage I would sit down and go okay let's think of all the other solutions let's let's solve this. I'd look at it like a problem we have to solve and so I did notice that when I became more aggressive when I became a little bit more aggressive with things I was opening more doors for myself and when I wasn't afraid of shame or humiliation and I would put myself out there it would open doors for me and so that that comes back to me and how where I am now do it here but at that time I did I did end up actually saving the money getting out of government housing I was only there for maybe three months I got out of there and this is where everything started to get better or so I thought and it did it did get better but there are still parts of the story. So we moved to Pine Grove. We were in Stan Kirkendall's old house on the hill and loved it there. My kids loved it there. Caden was so happy there. We were close to my parents. He had a yard to play in. He had moved to Pine Grove School. He really enjoyed it. It was coming up on Chloe's kindergarten year and we were just all really tickled to be there but keep in mind I had sold all of my furniture through the years so I had just a lot of random hand-me-down stuff like maybe one couch you know I think I had a discolored table that had like a little project but anyway so we ended up being robbed. We were robbed. They took the very last thing that I had to my name which was my grandmother's jewelry and my wedding set and I told my parents I said I really love this house but I need to move and I went to the bank and the bank said yeah you're good enough now that you can buy a house. So I found a house in front of my mom and dad so excited about it, looked at it, decided I was going to buy it. My world was changing. I was going to live in front of my mom and daddy. Chloe was going to start school where Caden was at and back in my home. Home is Pine Grove to me and I knew everybody. I had a good support system you know it was just wonderful. Then I found out that the house did not pass inspection. It had mold all in the ceiling. The house was going to have to be demolished and remodeled completely. Well I didn't have the finances to do that so I said I don't know what I'm going to do. Well that Sunday I had decided to go to church. It was always very difficult for me to go to church because I felt like that was something that I had done with my husband and it's very difficult to go see it in church with your two children. I felt like everybody's eyes were on me. Oh look she's got those two children by two different dads. She must be a horrible person. There's no telling what all she's done. You know I just felt that way. When in reality I'm sure they didn't feel that way. Especially people who knew me and knew what situation I had been through. But Brother Walker that day had preached a sermon on disappointment and he said that a lot of times in life when we are disappointed we've been let down or rejected that it's actually God's way of redirecting us. He is setting us on a different path and you know you have to trust in his guidance. You have to trust in his will and you have to be faithful to follow. Well something about that sermon changed my whole perspective on all of it. And so I went home and I said I'm not going to worry about that house anymore. I can't worry myself with it. It just is what it is. I don't have money to remodel it. There's no sense in being heartbroken something else will come along. Well shortly after that my daughter was diagnosed with diabetes. I had actually finished dental school and I had been working... Daniel back that up a minute. How long do we have? As long as you need. Yeah I mean it's that 31 minutes but I mean we've got some dead space in there. I think even if I think even if we go like to an hour he'll be I mean he'll have enough to edit out. I'm pretty much through after this point. Or not through but mostly through. So I got to the house in Pine Grove and I said that I didn't get the house because of the mold and I was devastated. I needed to tell the part where I didn't get the dental job because my car broke down. Was that before Pine Grove? Okay. It's been a while I lived at Pine Grove. Okay so just say while I was living there and then he can plug it. Okay. While I was living in Pine Grove I was shadowing at different doctor's offices for my dental you know and I was so excited I was going to finish that up and I was going to work as a dental assistant and continue my education for hygiene and I was just thrilled because I had not tried very hard in high school on my ACT. I don't think I scored but like a 16 so I didn't really put in effort. I scored really well as an adult and they told me you know you scored so well you can apply any medical program you want to. I was very excited. I felt like my life was coming back together and then I remember I had gotten a vehicle during my divorce that he had bought for me. I had applied for a job with Rowan Dentistry in Albany. Now I did not live there at this time and I did not know anybody there but they were hiring. I had applied for a job. I knew that I would be shadowing there. That was the only job I had applied for. I went to around dental. That morning I arrived an hour late because my vehicle had actually, the turbo on the engine had blown up on my way there. I was stranded on the side of the road. I called someone swallowing. He came and got my car and dropped me off at the dentist's office with someone I did not even plan to ride with to the dentist's office you know. Actually it was my son's father who's a mechanic. I appreciated it but it was kind of, that was a little bit of a shake-up to me. So I get there. I knew I wasn't going to get the job because it's your first day shadowing here and you're an hour late. So sure enough they let me know that they had chosen someone else and you know maybe later down the road. Well keep that in mind because that's going to also come back. So I did not get that job but Dr. Holman, Dr. Kevin Holman who was at North Mississippi Orthodontics. I went there to shadow. I had not put in an application for that job but I did arrive on time. I worked there for a few days shadowing and he called me in his office my last day there and he said if you are interested in a job you've done very well. We would love to have you. And I felt like that was God's blessing right there. So I worked that job. I loved that job. They were very good with me. I would sit there in the lunch break and I would you know my laptop and do my classes on my online classes for Northeast. And once again I felt like life was going good and I had found a daycare that was close to the dentist office and they were keeping Chloe and it was just wonderful. She got to get snow combed during the day. Kevin was in school. He was taken care of because my mother was able to pick him up and take him to school. You know like it just felt like life was starting to come back together. I would go have lunch with Chloe on lunch breaks occasionally when I didn't have work that had to be turned in. And there was she had been urinating on herself quite a bit and we never had that trouble before. Even though she didn't always hit her milestones at certain times that was at times that she was supposed to. That was one of the things that we never struggled with. She always went to the bathroom. She picked that up quickly. So I thought that she might be developing a UTI or bladder infection and I got to the daycare that day to take her to lunch and they had snow combed and she couldn't talk at that time. You know she was well she was actually turning five and she still could not communicate very well and I picked her up and her pants were wet and the clothes in her bag were also wet. Her spare clothes. And I realized that she had started wetting herself there and I was scared. I thought what's going on something's happened. She's scared or she's under a lot of stress or maybe maybe it's just a bladder infection or UTI. I took her to the doctor immediately and I called the dentist's office and I said something's wrong with Chloe. She's not acting right. She's wet two outfits this morning. I'm going to take her to the ouch in Tupelo. I got her there. Never in a million years that I could not have possibly imagined what would transpire next. So they come back in and I'm expecting them to say she has a bladder infection and they tell me that I have to get her to the emergency room right away. That her sugar is over 300. That she has protein and ketones in her urine and you know we're in a bad situation and I'm still puzzled because this is another diagnosis that I've never heard of or dealt with. So we get to the hospital and they tell me that she's the top one diabetic. So we were there and her father came and you know we were both kind of just shook and I said well what are we going to do? She starts school next week. This happened in July. She was supposed to start school in August at Congrove where my son was at and he said well I'll do what I can to help you. At that time he was still living in Bunble. He said I'll do whatever I can to help you. We'll make sure that she's taken care of and he does. He's a very good father. He makes sure that she needs something. She gets it. Well I went to the school and they told me that the teacher was going to give Chloe her insulin and keep up her glucose and anyone who has a child with type 1 diabetes knows that it is a 24-7 job. You it's hard to do that anything else with a child. As an adult I'm sure you know it's easier to multitask but the teacher was distraught. When she heard that come out of her mouth she was as distraught as I was and so I was sitting in there with seven people. I was recording it and I was fighting with them to get a nurse or to get some type of help. Well then they told me they really didn't have the special education resources that we needed at that time either. Not for her to get the type of monitoring that she needed. But they seem to think that was okay. Well just all the teachers will manage it. I said you know that's not I can't do that. She's here to teach. My child needs medical attention. Serious medical attention and I said well the nurse she stays in North Tifa you know she can be here in 20-30 minutes. When a diabetic's glucose drops you don't have 30 minutes. You know every minute counts with diabetics. So I said hmm what am I going to do now? And my precious doctor that I worked for they told me that they would give me two weeks off to handle my business. During that two weeks I was frantic about finding a school that was good for Chloe. I was going to leave Kayden at Pine Grove. Then I got thinking how am I going to get those kids where they need to be and myself be at work. So I went to I'm just completely blank. Like I'm drawing and completely blank and just sitting here looking at the desk. Give me a clue. What kind of place is it? I went around to different schools talking to everyone. Touring schools finding out what kind of educational programs they had. How their nurses were on call or were full-time. You know like I was very upset at that time because I also had Kayden and I didn't want to remove him after he's just gotten and he was very happy there too. But Kayden's father was also in New Albany and Kayden had a brother there. The brother that I told about earlier in the story. And Kayden and his brother were very close and I knew that if I had to move somewhere I needed to be somewhere where Kayden would have somebody. You know he would have somebody. So it was a godsend because I walked in New Albany Elementary and they said let me take you to Tammy Reeder. Tammy Reeder also comes back at the end of this story. I can tell you how that circles around. At the time when I went in to talk to Tammy I wasn't up there with her 30 minutes and I moved without a shadow of a doubt that if I had to leave my baby with anybody, that if I had to leave my diabetic child that could not communicate with anybody it would be her. Something about her radiated a Christian, hopeful, motherly type lady. I knew that she was going to mother Chloe at school the way I would if I had her home with me. So I enrolled Chloe that next day and I gave Kayden a choice and I told him we would make it work however and he actually decided he wanted to give it a try at New Albany. I really wanted him, you know, I really wanted my children to be together in the same school district that I didn't want to traumatize him more than he had already been traumatized. So he loved it. He loved it. We did. We made the move. I found a house to rent. It went very quickly. I found a house immediately. We moved. You had to live, since Chloe has an IEP, you had to live in that school district to receive the funding for an IEP. So when they told me that I was devastated at first and then I thought we're just gonna do it. I can always go back home if it doesn't work out. So we found a home. We got comfortable and you know things just, it was difficult. It was very difficult but during that time, during that short span of time that I was off that two weeks from Tupelo, working in Tupelo, one of my friends from the program that I had been through at Northeast, she called me and she said, hey we're hiring, we're hiring at Rowan's Dentistry. That was the dentist's office that I didn't get the job with originally and that is also in the same area as I was moving to. And I thought, Dr. Coleman's office is so good to me. I can't move in this way. She said we need somebody immediately so if you can't take the job we have to hire someone else. And I thought that's gonna cut down my driving time, you know, it'd just be easier to get my kids to school. And so I said, and my heart hurt because the other dentist's offices have been so good to me. And I did, you know, but I had no choice. So I wrote him a letter and I told him that I was sorry that I wasn't gonna be able to return. I hated to do him that way but I had to do what was best for my family. And I took a lot of backlash from that from some of the co-workers I had there but you don't understand it until you're living it. So they were, you know, they let me go peacefully and I started a new job at Rowan's Dentistry. I was actually working at the Pontotoc office for a little while, helping out with some stuff there. And I did go to the one in New Albany that did work there too. But it was still difficult. I still had to miss a good bit of work when Koi was sick. You know, I didn't have any family in New Albany. Didn't have a lot of help. So my mother at that time, she was being diagnosed with her own health conditions and it was really hard for her to keep up with both children. And so, well, I mean, I guess this is where things moved into cosmetology. You remember back to where I said that I had gotten my cosmetology license back when I was first married in my early 20s. Well here I am, fast forward, getting closer to my 30s now and, or I was actually in my 30s, my early 30s. And the Koi, the daycare that Koi was at, they had called me at my dentist office that I was working at and they said, Koi keeps insinuating, once again insinuating, because remember Koi can't communicate verbally very well. They said, she keeps insinuating that she gets a shot. And I said, what do you mean she gets a shot? And he said, well her teacher's out this week. She's gone on vacation. But Koi keeps coming in here and, you know, trying to show us that she gets some type of shot. And my heart just sank. Because she had been there, it was during Thanksgiving break, so she was in there all day long without her diabetes being checked, her glucose being checked, her diabetes being managed. I had no idea what her number was at that time because, you know, I had been in the office doing a root canal and I immediately went to check her numbers. And I hit panic mode because I thought, I've got to drive to her, I've got to get to her, but something had happened in a matter of those minutes of getting to her. So I did, I left abruptly from my work. I told another girl, you've got to take over. And so I left abruptly. And when I got to the daycare to pick her up, the gentleman told me that I couldn't bring her back the next day because they didn't have anybody there to care for her, even though we had had the lady trained that was taking care of her. The lady forgot to tell him that she had. So he told me he couldn't take Chloe back. He had called the insurance company and the insurance company had told him that Chloe was a liability. And his exact words were, if she dies in our care, we can be sued. And after all I had been through trying to get reliable daycare, and then I found a daycare that I trusted. And then to let me down like that. So I went, you know, I called the dentist's office and I said, I'm so sorry guys, I've got to take tomorrow off so I can find a suitor. But it's not easy to find a suitor for a diabetic child. Not everybody knows how to do that. So that's okay, you know. And when I returned back, I had gone in to talk to the lady that morning and I was going to give her my two week notice and tell her that, you know, I was going to have to move back home with my family. And I was going to have to quit. Because I didn't have a sitter and I lived too far for my mother to help me and things had just gotten too hard. So before I could get it out of my mouth, they told me that they needed to let me go. Because I had too much personal, basically you have too much personal baggage. You're a good worker, we enjoy having you here, but we need somebody that is dependable and can be here every day. We understand you have a family life, but maybe you have a different work environment that would be better for you. Okay, thank you, you know. I wanted to be in disappointment. And I, I left there on my first home and I thought, God, what in the world? Why do you keep doing this? Like everything, why do you keep taking everything from me? I'm trying so hard and I'm not getting any help. And only, the only relief I had was Tammy Reeder. Who was taking care of Chloe at school. That was my mental break. That was my time. Even though I was working, work did not compare to the stress I endured at home. Trying to work with a child who couldn't speak well and couldn't manage her own glucose. And at that time, you're up all through the night. That was before we got the automatic pump that helped out tremendously. But, so I was sleep deprived. I was worried about money. I didn't really have much of a social life. The only time I got to go do anything was when her father would get hurt occasionally, you know. And he was scared to death to keep her at that time too, because he didn't know a whole lot about diabetes. And since he wasn't with her every day, you know, that takes some time to be trained on. So it was scary for him as well. So basically that's where my cosmetology comes in. It goes pretty fast from here. I went home and I got on my computer and I googled, I didn't know anybody in that town, but I was like, what is the one thing you can do? You can do hair. You have hair license. You can do hair. It's a flexible job and you are really hard at it. You can build your business. You'll, you'll get clients, you know. I googled salons, didn't have a clue. No clue who none of these salons were, who these women were. But there was a picture of some girls on there and I thought they look really friendly. Maybe when I start, you know, when I start looking into where to work, I'll go to that salon. So I'll put that in the back of my mind because I was, I had things going on with the kids, okay. He was playing baseball. He had a lot going on and I was trying to still be a good mom with a heel. So, um, we got to a red light in New Albany there, um, one evening. I had both of my kids in the car with me and, um, I looked across the street and there was a salon right there on the corner. Had a big sign and I seen cars pointing out and I thought, oh man, like, I don't even know if I'm good at hair anymore. I don't know if I can do this, but you don't have a choice. Just pull up over there and ask them if they're hiring. So I pulled up in the parking lot and I went through the door and this really cute little petite girl was standing there doing hair. She said, hey, baby, what you need? And, um, I remember thinking, oh, she's so pretty. And she was bubbly too, you know, like this. And, um, I said, do you have a booth available to rent? She said, you know what, actually, we just had somebody quit last week and we're looking for somebody to fill that booth. I was there. She said, do you have any experience? You know, I didn't want to tell her, um, yeah, but it's been, like, 15 years ago. I was like, yeah, I do. You know, like, I was being really, you know, I was trying to be bubbly. I was not happy, but I was trying to be bubbly. I didn't want her to pick up on my, you know, being desperate. And so, um, she said, okay, well go home and, um, type us up a resume. Send us some pictures of your work. And, um, and, um, we'll meet, we'll meet you back here tomorrow and go over it together. And I was like, oh, my goodness. I don't have any pictures of my work. I'm looking on my shoulder. So, I ended up going home and, like, doing Chloe's hair different ways. And I did a man's haircut. Like, and I went back in there the next day and I showed her anyhow. So, she was like, okay, well, you can start whenever you're ready. And I was like, really? And, um, so, um, and then I told her, you know, that I had my little girl and that sometimes after school I wouldn't be able to work. So, I needed to go home. So, I got in there. I started to, thank goodness, because they had a ton of walk-ins. And so, I got in there and that very first weekend that I worked there, I made more money on that Saturday than I had made in a two-week paycheck in dental. Oh, my. And I went home and cried. Yeah. And I, I, oh, I just, I think, oh, my gosh. Like, okay, so, that's where that journey started. And I actually enjoyed the work. I enjoyed the girls there. Um, they helped me with Chloe. They would do anything they could to help me out. Um, there was actually one time when Chloe had a birthday party. It rained really hard and because she, because she has special needs, we don't have a ton of freedom. Um, nobody showed up to her birthday. So, the girls at work the next day threw a massive birthday party with all these gifts for her. And you know what? They were my family. They were my family away from my family. So, um, and then that, that, it just kind of went from there. Um, and then I found out that Tammy Reeder, the school nurse, one day in conversation with actually knew my family from Thrasher, all the way from Thrasher. And she went to church there. She had, you know, so, like, everything started, like, coming around. Everybody knowing everybody and, and this and that. And Caden loved New Albany School. He was there with his brother. His brother spent a lot of time with us. Um, and, um, you know, it's just been, I feel like it's, even in my, even when I'm in bad situations, there are blessings to take away from it. And so, I've all, I've come to realize that even though there are, um, disappointments that you'll hold tight, usually there's a, there's, there's something better down the road. So, um, is there, I mean, do you want me to talk, do you want me to tell you real quick how I ended up with my own business? Yes. Um, I actually have to give a shout out on this one. Um, I was working at Living Lit Dye Salon in New Albany with the girls. And, um, Chloe was with me all the time and Caden occasionally. Um, but Caden had, um, I remember Chloe had an IEP meeting and Caden was playing baseball. And, um, I ran real quick. I was trying to get Chloe's IEP meeting on time, but Caden called and he said, Mom, the bus is leaving in just a little bit. I don't have my socks. I need you to bring me my socks. And, um, I said, okay, but you've got to be outside waiting on me. I've got to get Chloe's IEP meeting and I've got to get back to work. And, um, so I was late getting to Chloe's IEP meeting. And some of the teachers, you know, they're pressed for time during that. They've got other things. There's a specific amount of time that you're in there. You're in there. Anyways, and I come in a mess. And I didn't know how to explain to them. I'm not really a terrible mother that forgot about my child's IEP. I'm a very stressed out mother who's trying to work and pay the bills and also take care of my son because he's important too. Um, and so I cried through that IEP meeting. I don't remember much of that IEP meeting. And those are very important to anybody who doesn't know. Those are very important. And it was so hard to stay focused. Um, but when I left there, I thought, um, I had to return back to my job as a swan. And they were a little bit upset with me because there was, there had been a client there waiting on me to get back in a certain time. So they were a little upset with me. And you don't have time to stop and explain to people what's going on in your personal life. You know, you just look very disorganized. Um, you look messy. You know? And I got tired of trying to explain my life situation every time I turned around. So, um, the next morning, the little, short, feisty, pretty girl at the salon, um, I woke up that morning and, uh, I was going to open for her. Her son had, uh, had his wisdom teeth taken out and so I opened for her. And I was about 10 minutes late getting there because I had been at the pharmacy trying to fill Chloe's medicine. And they were giving me a hard time because the insurance had not approved it. But Chloe needed that medication. So she called my phone and when she called it, I said, just a minute, I'll call you right back. And I called back. Sorry, this has been a while. Oh my gosh! You don't want to rush me, do you? Keep going. So I called her, I said, um, I said, I'll call you right back. I'm handling something important right now. She was stressed out too because she was trying to take care of her child. You know? So I called her back. It had been a minute or two. I said, I'm in the parking lot right now. Um, I'm, I'm, there's nobody here yet. I'm just going to go in and turn everything on. And she lit into me. She, I mean, she was a business owner. So, you know, she said, we were supposed to be open at 9 o'clock. You were supposed to be a responsible person. You told me you had me covered. You know, you gave me your word. I mean, she was just really unloading on me. And I sat there and took it and I didn't say a word. And it made me mad. I had done that over all the hurt and I had done so many things that I had hardened by that point. And just her being mad at me did not face me compared to the other things that I was going through. So I got off the air and I remember telling one of the other girls, one of the comments that she had made to me was get my stuff together. And I told one of the other girls, I said, I'm just going to get my stuff together. She said, what do you mean? I said, I don't know. I don't know what I mean, but I'm just going to get it together. I can't live like this. And so I got it in my mind, I thought, you need to, somehow you've got to run the show. You can't keep working for other people. You've got to figure out how to work for yourself. And I went down to this, I went down to this little strip mall down the road. I had been passing that building and it was ugly. It was so ugly. And it had been a pet grooming place. And there was dog hair everywhere. They had moved out, but they had left the mess behind. It was hideous in there. And the guy came over from next door and I said, hey, could you fix this out? I think I could clean it up real good and make something out of it. I've got to do something. And I didn't really go into a lot of details about my life or my situation, but I think he could tell how serious I was about doing something. And I had made up my mind that I was going to do it or die. Like, I don't care if I had to sell everything again. And I had forgotten to tell you guys that I actually, the house that I rented in New Albany ended up going up for sale. And I ended up being able to purchase it. And it was a bigger home for a less price than the house that I was rejected from back in Pine Grove. That's not a blessing. And that was a very easy process to go through. So I go in there and I'm talking to him. And I'm telling him, you know, I'm pretty situated. I've got my home. My kids are in school here. But this is the one thing I don't have situated in my life and I need to fill in. And would you believe his name was Mr. Alan Sullivan. They call him Sully. Would you believe that he told me, he said, I've been wanting to remodel this one right here for a while. And I really haven't had a reason to. He said, I think this is probably my sign. He said, I'm going to remodel this from top to bottom. And he said, if you'll sign a two year contract with me, I'll do it the way it needs to be done for us one. And I thought, oh my gosh, two years, I don't know. But I went home and prayed about it and I thought, what else are you going to do? You've been through everything else in the world. What else are you going to do? So I did. I signed a two year contract with him. And I got in there and I wanted to come up with something that other people weren't doing. I thought, what's something that other people aren't doing that you'll be the only one that can offer that service locally. Because you know, when you're in business, you've got to offer something that's needed. And there's not a very, there's a high demand, but there's not a lot of what's worth. Complications. Complications, yeah. So I started doing extensions and I boomed. I boomed. But I boomed so fast and so hard that I wasn't able to be the mother to Katie and Chloe that I needed to be because I was booming so hard. I loved it. I was tickled to death. I was doing something for myself that I enjoyed. This was great. I could leave when I wanted to and come back when I wanted to. But then, being a boss, it took off quickly. It took off quickly. It took off quickly. I was like, I can't manage all these other girls. So like, long story short, the opportunity to work from home become available. And my lease with him was running up. I called up another stylist that I thought needed an opportunity at last because she had, you know, she was kind of like me. She didn't have a lot of handouts. She didn't have anybody. So I called her up and I said, hey, you're the first person I'm going to tell this to. I'll sell all the stuff in it. I just want to go home and be a good mama now. I'm tired of all the other. I've built my clientele up. I've done my part working hard to get to this point now. I'm going to go home and enjoy what I have. And so that's what I've done. So now Chloe is homeschooling. She is with me. We do miss Miss Tammy Reeder. But she is home with me. I love working from home. My clients are very good to me and my family. If I have an issue with Chloe's glucose or if something happens with Kayden, it's not a problem to reschedule. My stress load is significantly easier to carry now than it was five, ten years ago. Chloe talks very well now. She still has some communication barriers. We recently had another psychological evaluation that was kind of disheartening. But we were told we wouldn't talk about it when we do. So I said, well, we'll do these things, too. And if we don't, that's okay, too. We'll excel at something else. We'll just go with what she's good at. Because we don't all have to be the same. Exactly. But, yeah, I mean, I still wouldn't say that I'm financially, you know, just where I want to be. But I have my own home. And the vehicle that broke down on the way to Rowan's Dentistry that day, I shouldn't tell this, but I'm going to. I actually did not know that that vehicle was a salvage title that had come from my statistics. And I took that vehicle down to a dealership a few years back. And after I had had it repaired, I took it to a dealership. And they loved that car. It was a beautiful car. And I hated to see it go, but I needed something. It was a very tiny car. I needed something a little bigger. And they gave me a good bit of money for that vehicle. And I traded it for a different vehicle. It had a low payment on it. Very, very low payment. It was a very nice vehicle. And the guy called me back about a week later. He said, Jessica, you're not going to believe this. And I said, what? I mean, like, I was. He said, they ran that title on that vehicle. And they gave you about $15,000 too much for that vehicle because they thought that vehicle had a clear title. And, heck, I didn't know. I knew nothing about that stuff. So, anyway, I said, do I need to bring this one back? Like, I immediately went into panic mode. Do I need to bring this one back? Like, do I need to get that one back and swap back out? And he was like, no, this was our mistake. And he said, so, you know, it's your game. I felt terrible about it. I felt like I owed them money. But at the same time, I didn't know. Yeah. So I ended up with a very dependable, nicer vehicle for much less than I would have had to have paid for it. But I wouldn't have done that if I had continued to have nothing but bad luck out of that one. So if I had not had a lemon, I would have never done that. But, like, y'all can edit that out. That's God's way of working it out. I mean, that's your blessing. I didn't even talk about standing in the mirror. I got fail ahead of myself. Do you want to go back or you just want to? How long have I took? More than an hour. If it's something important that you want, we'll do it. How are you going to edit that back in there, though? I don't know. I don't know how he does it. I'll just say it. I'll just say it, and then if he wants to edit it in there, he can. If y'all decide not to, you don't have to. Oh, we can even say one thing that I left out, and then, you know, you can just say it like that. Okay. Let me back up just a minute and tell this important part or something like that. Okay. Let me back up just a minute from when I was living in Congrove. Actually, my mother came over one day, and I had my bathroom mirror covered in things that I had been told throughout the years, things like nobody will ever want you. You have two kids by two different daddies. Nobody wants that. You'll never amount to anything. You'll never have anything without me. You'll never be anything. I hope your looks can make you money because you don't have the brain. And this comes from just one certain person that I definitely am not pointing fingers at my ex-husband or anybody in particularly. This was, I was attracted to very toxic people because I was very naive about things. But now, I told my mother, I said, that is my motivation. Those words hurt me. And since I am a person, words of affirmation is one of those things that sit with me. I had to also be motivational. So I had that on one mirror, all those bad things. And I would look at them, and I would mark them off as I felt like I could. I don't know. I don't think I put that in there. But anyway, so now my mirror is covered with motivation. Like all the things I've accomplished in place of where those were. So now she don't think I'm as crazy, but she thought I was crazy that day when she walked in there and all that was all over my mirror. She was like, you're losing your mind. Now it's full of motivation and things that I've accomplished, and I have no idea where I'm going from here. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm comfortable. You know, I'm still working through hurdles. I think we all will be until we're off this earth. There's always going to be, like our story never ends. But I do want to take a minute to brag on you because I know you're not going to do this yourself. So that shop was the cutest shop I'd ever seen. Thank you. And you had advertised on Facebook, and I was looking for a new hairdresser. And from the moment I stepped in there, it wasn't just the shop. It was how you made me feel. Like I've always felt comfortable. I know I've always felt like you knew what you were doing. And now hearing your story, I can see like you said, like in Corinth, you felt like you weren't good at it. So when you went back, I feel like you were just determined to be the very best. Absolutely. And you are. You are fabulous. Because as she does my hair, she explains every little thing that she's doing and why she's doing it. And I'm like, I don't care. Just do it. But I trust that she knows what she's doing because she knows all these words and things. And I love it. And she even did former Miss Mississippi's hair. Wow. Like she's a big deal, guys. Well, thank you. I don't necessarily feel that way, but thank you. Yes, you are. And to know your story now makes me love you even more. Because on the outside, looking in, you just look like a beautiful picture. Like, oh, she's just got this perfect life because she looks perfect. You are absolutely gorgeous. You are. You are. Thank you so much. And I thank you for coming and sharing all that and being so vulnerable. Like, that was a lot. You've lived an amazing life. You are definitely a woman of fortitude. Thank you. Absolutely. Thank you for having me. Are you ready to do some rapid fire questions? Let's do it. Let's go out in the mood. Yeah. All right. We'll start simple. What's your favorite sport? Swimming. Oh. Swimming. And sailing. Okay. Thank you. Would you rather vacation in Hawaii or Alaska? In what? Hawaii. Because it's warm, the sun's shining, and I would really love to visit Pearl Harbor. Oh, yeah. Yeah, me too. I mean, like, I would prefer the sunshine and the warmth and that would be it. And I'm a fruit lover, and there are lots of fruits down there. Yeah. It's great. Alaska is beautiful, though, just FYI. I would like to see the Northern Lights in there. Oh, yeah. I haven't seen that one. What's your favorite zoo animal? Salmon. You and I. Yeah. The lion actually develops its mane when it's about two years old, and then it's usually fully developed by the time it's four or five years old. But a lion in animal kingdom, their status is they go off of their mane. So lions that have big, beautiful manes, they're very powerful, and they've been in many battles that they've won. They can lose their hair, and when they lose a battle, they do shed a lot of their mane, but it can come back. It can regrow once they build their life back, once they overcome battles. So I like that. Yeah. So to me, it kind of is a symbol, not just because I do hair and I love hair, but it just kind of symbolizes strength and courage. The lion's looked at as a very powerful animal. Yep. Love it. What emoji do you use the most? Definitely a kissy face. I'm a very lovable person. I hug everybody and hug everybody, and when I'm texting it's the same way. I'm going to send you a kissy face. You're going to feel my love. Are you a morning person or afternoon? I actually like my afternoons. I like it when everything's slowing down and I'm with my children. Kaden's home, Chloe's settling down for the evening, and she has her little routine now, and it's enjoyable. I like the sunset, too. There's a pretty view sitting there rocking on my porch. All right. Our last guest was Ms. Nancy Nanny. Did you hear her? I did. Yes, from Cherubic Ministries, and she had an awesome story, but she left you a little pay-it-forward. It's a beautiful package. It was around Christmas time when she was here. I think in a past podcast, I was just going to tell you that as I was listening to some of the stories, there was one thing that you said in one of them that stuck out in my mind. It nailed it to where I feel. You said, I have come so far, but I have so far to go. That's how I feel. That's exactly how I feel. Life is better with Jesus. Cherubic. Oh, her teacher. Yes. Ooh. That's soft. That's soft. Mm-hmm. Jolly Ranchers. I'm going to try to keep this away from my little sugar goes. She loves Jolly Ranchers. Ooh. Oh, candle. Snowberries. Oh. That smells wonderful. Ms. Nancy Nanny. Thank you, Ms. Nanny. All right. Am I missing anything? No. All right. I'm embarrassed now. I'm panicking. I'm like, but people are going to hear this, and I don't know if I sound safe or not because my insides are like, ooh. No, let me just close this out real quick, okay? Thank you again for coming. Everyone else, we ask that you join us next time. For more real women with real stories serving a real God. No. No? It's... Join us next time. Daniel, just edit your wife out, okay? Yeah, take it out. Join us next time for real women telling real stories while serving a real God. Yeah. What I'll do is we'll have right after your story, before the rapid fire questions, I'll say, okay, now let's talk about Chloe for just a second, okay? All right. All right, let's talk about Chloe for just a second. She is, first of all, she's amazing. She does speak now. She's come such a long way. So what is her current diagnosis? She is currently diagnosed with... She has expressive and receptive language disorder, which is actually a secondary condition to intellectual... I don't want to say disability. So let's say ability. Intellectual ability. It is moderate. There are three degrees, mild, moderate, and severe. She's just kind of there in between. Okay. So they did decide she's not autistic. Yeah, she's not autistic. I didn't talk about that part. They did take her to the Bowling Center, the research center in Tennessee. We had tests done there when she was a little bit older, and they corrected that diagnosis. It is very common for it to be misdiagnosed. Oh, okay. Yeah. And she's ADHD. So with that hyperactivity, sometimes that gets... Okay. Yeah. And you know, that's my favorite topic ever is the autism, the spectrum, all that together. So do you have any, like, resources you would share with people, like, in Mississippi? Because in my journey, you know, I spoke about how it was very hard to find resources. Actually, no, I don't, because we traveled outside of Mississippi for all of our help. Like when we went to the Bowling Center, that was in Tennessee. I would take her to gyms that were in Memphis. All of the sensory stores where you buy the sensory toys were in Memphis. We didn't, back years ago when we were first going through this, we didn't have any resources here other than behavioral therapy, occupational therapy. And they had just opened the ABA therapy center there in Jubilee, which is also, unfortunately, very expensive and hard for families to afford. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, I thank you again. I think it will just transition to the next part. So, okay. We're good now. Thank you, Daniel.