Pressed Record... Now Were Here

Okay, it's time for me to go on a rant, because I have nothing else to do. Well, actually, I have lots of other things to do, and that's kind of what I'm going to talk about, I think. I don't really know. I just sat down and pressed the button. And here we are. Well, that's so much stuff to do. And for some reason, I haven't done any of it. And then, as soon as I'm sitting in class, supposed to be listening to my lectures, I'm, like, doing all of my assignments. I'm finding the drive to do all of my assignments. Who let me do that? Why is it like this? Why do I be like this? I went and I had acupuncture, like, two weeks ago. And she was reading my signals. She was like, do you have ADHD? And I was like, do I? I feel like it would make a lot of sense if I had ADHD. I need all the people who know me really well. I mean, like, I say that like there's a lot, but there's really not. To tell me, do I have ADHD? I don't know. Okay, now what do I want to talk about? Travis Kelsey. Not a big fan, honestly. I don't dig it. He's just... Where's the flavor, you know? I mean, I appreciate that he, like, likes to dress up. I'm not personally a huge fan of his style, but... Yeah, I don't know. I kind of miss Joe Alwyn. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Actually, I mean, I miss Tom. Tom Hiddleston was my favorite ex. Loved him to death. Those pictures of him and Taylor at that restaurant. She's wearing that yellow dress. Her whole little vacation. That built me. That formed my expectations for our relationship. Jamie's checking every box. He's my Tom Hiddleston. Anyways, Joe. Joe, Joe, Joe, what the fuck did you do to Taylor Swift? Because she's mad. Um, I thought I just heard my roommate get in the door. I feel like it would be really embarrassing if she heard me talk like this. Or talk at all. Hello? Wow, I've only been talking for two minutes. Feels like it's been ten. Um... Yeah, I do kind of miss Joe. I miss them together. I thought they just, like, looked adorable. And I think he's a gorgeous man. I just watched The Favorite with Emma Stone and Joe. And Olivia Colman, God bless her soul. And that was pretty great for Joe Alwyn. I mean, was he acting phenomenally? No. It was fine. But was he sexy? Yes. He was sexy. Period. Um... Calvin Harris blocked me on Instagram. So, that's how I feel about him. Can't believe we saw him clap for Taylor Swift at the Grammys. That was pretty wild. He also does not look like the way I remember him looking. Like, he's got a big ol' beard. He's in his beard era. Which is cute. That's very, like, folklore of him. But, I guess I can't see his Instagram, so I wouldn't know how he looks until now. But, you know, he's a little Q-tip. We kinda hate him. Yeah. I mean, I don't even hate him. I mean, I can't remember what the details are, because I'm really bad with remembering the details. But from what I remember, like, honestly, Taylor just, like, didn't care about him. And so I don't have that strong feelings against him in the same way that I do about, like, Kanye West or Kim or Jake Gyllenhaal. But, yeah. Is anyone else in a relationship where your boyfriend, like, wants to be supportive of how much you love Taylor Swift, but didn't know how serious it was until the Era's tour started and you were watching TikTok live streams and crying and sobbing and screaming and he was like, Are you having an exorcism? I've never seen you like this before. And so now I think he's just scarred from that experience and doesn't like Taylor Swift because of it. Even though now he's seen Miss Americana, he's seen the tour movie. Like, we've got him educated, but I think that experience just, like, ruined it. So, I will not be doing that in front of him again. But it's okay because I found my Taylor Swift gals. I'm going to a Taylor Swift, like, party club night at a club this week on Thursday. I'm so excited. I'm going with my best friend Emily. Shout out, Emily. Love of my life. And this new friend of mine named Augustine. Can you imagine? Can you imagine being a Taylor Swift fan and your name is Augustine? Like, you were born for this. Anyways, shout out. Shout out, Augustine. See you on Thursday. Can't wait. She doesn't have Instagram, so she won't hear this, but maybe I'll just send it to her. Anyways, I ate a pickle today. I ate a pickle. It was not the best pickle I've ever had. I definitely should buy better quality pickles because this one was just not doing it. Anyways, I won't talk about pickles for the rest of this. I used to like pickles more, and now I don't like them as much as I like olives. So, that's my update right now. Yeah. I don't know if I have anything else to say. On the top of my head. Except for the world is so fucked up right now, and I don't even know how to, like, deal with it all. Because it's just like, I'm on my, I see my phone, and it's like, I scroll for like five minutes. And you see the most atrocious things and have such strong emotions while looking at a screen. And then I put my phone down, and I'm like, holy crap. I mean, I am, sorry, I just moved my chair. I am not going through the worst of it at all. There's literally people who are dying, and horrible things are happening, and it sucks so much. And I don't want to get into it because I've gotten into it every goddamn day. My degree is sometimes really tough on my mental health. Because my gender studies degree, we talk about all this really shitty shit that's happening. I mean, it's good to talk about, and I'm learning so much from it. But it's like, oh, it's really hard some days when I'm like, fuck. You've got like personal stuff going on that are upsetting you, and then all this stuff is happening in the world. And then everyone's depressed about it, and it's just really crappy. And then my other degree, environmental studies, we're talking about climate change all the time. Well, actually, we talk about it less frequently than I feel like you'd expect. But we do talk about it. And I'm like, wow, we're screwed. What is my life going to be? So that's how positive my degree is. Anybody else want to trade? I don't know, what's a positive degree you could be in? Psychology is so colonialism. Ugh, I feel like I sound so dumb when I say that. I heard a girl in my gender studies class today who always says the most eloquent, beautiful, insightful things. And she was talking about how she's in psych, and that she's like, damn, this field sucks sometimes, like so bad. Because, I don't know, I can't remember what she said, but she killed it. And she's so right. Psychology is a very interesting field. Looking at you, Freud. Oh, Freud. Sometimes I don't know if you got it right or wrong. Some days it feels like you did. Anyways. Jimmy keeps a roll of toilet paper on his desk. It's to blow his nose, but I'm always like, that looks suspicious. Mmmmm. I'm broke right now. Anyone else? I need money so bad, because I want to dye my hair. I want to be blonde, blonde, blonde again. And I know I'm still blonde right now. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I want to be blonder. Like, I want to be as blonde as I used to be. Like, ow, I'm blonde. And I feel like my confidence would be better. Because, you know what? I am a, what, how old am I? 20. I'm a little baby. And you know what? My confidence sucks. Well, I mean, I've never been so sure of myself. Like, I've never felt so comfortable just walking around. Like, not saying that I do feel comfortable, but it's never... Is this the right way to say it? It's never been worse? Or... It used to be a lot worse. And now I feel more comfortable, which is nice. But my, like... I don't feel like I'm at all, like, sexy. And, I mean, I like a more... I don't know. Boxy, oversized outfit. And I'm not really one to wear... I don't know. I feel like it's hard to find outfits that are sexy. And not just, like, tight. Or, you know, boring. It's like, I still want to express myself and be sexy. But, like, how do you do that? But also, like... I think it's also good. I've never had a more healthy relationship with sex. Because my sexualization of myself has never been lower. When I was so hyper-sexualized in my own brain towards myself, my relationship to sex was a lot worse. And now, I'm like... I don't watch porn. I'm not consuming shitty media that, like, absolutely rots your brain. Like, I saw this guy on Instagram. And it was, like, a video of a horse, like, napping with its owner in the field. And he was, like, falling asleep. And he was, like... You know, making, like, little nap noises. And the guy in the comments was, like... Guys, this is so weird. This horse is moaning. And the, like, person who posted the video absolutely clapped back. They were, like... You're literally brain-rotted. You disgusting... No, I mean... It was, like, such a clapback. I can't... See, this is a problem with me. I don't remember things word for word. But it was, like, wow. Like, porn has really rotted your brain. Like, that is a horse having a nap. Why are you thinking about hogging it right now? Like, that's weird. And so many people are like that. Like, porn is so bad. And, like, there's always been this movement in feminism that's very, like, pro-sex. Like, woo! And I, like, definitely get that side. But I also get the side that's like, don't do it. It's bad. So, I don't know. These are really bad thoughts. Well, not bad thoughts. They're great thoughts. Great job, me. But they're not fully fledged. I don't know. This is a really cute little deep dive in my brain, hey? Anyways. I would love to talk more about my thoughts around sex. I currently lended... No, sorry. That's not how... Grammar. I recently lended a friend a book that I read about two years ago. It's called Rethinking Sex. I picked it up in a bookstore in Calgary when I was there. And it was one of the first books that I read about sex, sexual health, reframing it in a more feminist lens. And although I do not agree with everything that is said in that book, I would highly recommend it if you're just having sex. And you're like, wait, why is this so weird? And you don't normally engage in this kind of thinking. I highly suggest it because it's really, really powerful to get your mind turning, thinking, and asking questions. And since then I've read some other really awesome sex books. What's the one I read recently? It's called Come As You Are. And that one's definitely... That's a funny little name, hey? Come As You Are. It's about more science-based things about how our desire works, how women's sexual responsiveness works, those kind of things. Really fascinating. And I just want to see sexuality change. It would be so cool. Because teenage girls must be going through it right now. Holy shit. Could you imagine being 12 right now and this is the world? I would actually sob. I actually might sob. It would be really bad. It would be really bad because the world is craziness and the access to things on social media is just mind-boggling. And I can't imagine those girls who are just exploring themselves and having their little first dates and holding hands and kisses and then next thing, next thing. Because, I mean, we've all been there, right? Unless you're one of the lucky ones who... Seriously, I wish this was just enforced. No, this is also a strong opinion. I think it would be so awesome if more people waited to have sex for the first time until university or at least late high school. I think that would be really awesome for people. Because it's really weird. It's really weird when you're like, I don't know, how old is I? I think I was in like grade 9? Basically a baby, like a baby. And that's really weird. And it's also something that I think about often, which sucks because I didn't have a great experience. And I have held that for a long time. But reading things like these books has been able to reframe how I see things and even forgive that person who I had sex with for the first time. Because I understand what kind of structural oppression they were under. I don't know. What am I even talking about? Maybe I'd be better at this if I wasn't so insecure. Because why am I second guessing everything I say? I should just say it because I can say whatever I want. I'm in my own house doing what I want. I don't know. I feel so controlled. By what? Just my brain. My brain is stopping me right now. There's no one around me. And I'm like, stop, you're having bad thoughts. Don't share those. Stop, stop, stop, stop. It's like, no. It's okay. I'm not perfect. I'm human. I make mistakes. I can openly explore my mind and find new meaning. And I hope you do, too. Anyways, this is almost 20 minutes long. So I'll stop it there. I'm going to upload this. I hope you listen to this on your way to school tomorrow. I don't know why you would. This is not formal. This is not eloquent. But I would love if my peers did this because I have these friends that, you know, you get to see every so often because life is busy. Shout-out, Maya. Shout-out, Nikayla. Shout-out. Oh, there's just so many lovely women. And I would love to know more about how they're doing, how they're feeling and being connected. So, anyways, you should do this, too, because I want to know how you're doing and what's on your mind, even if it's just rambly little thoughts. Okay. Bye.