Podcast recording Carol

Carol, the guest on the podcast, shares her story of how she became an alcohol control coach. She talks about the stress she experienced as a working mother with a child who had health issues. She turned to alcohol to cope with the pressure. The education system was not helpful, and her marriage ended due to the strain. Her drinking escalated after the divorce. Hello, and welcome to Raw Chatter. I am your host speaking, Vicki Midwood, the addiction eliminator, here to help you to create health and get fabulous freedom from any issues that are stopping you from thriving. And I am delighted today to be here with a guest who is an alcohol control coach. Carol has a really interesting and potentially very familiar story to some of you listening to share with us. And she specifically focuses on helping women in business and women entrepreneurs. So Carol, thank you for joining me today on the podcast. And I would love you to let people know what you do and why you do it. So over to you. Tell us about yourself. Thanks, Vicki. Thank you, first of all, for having me on the podcast. It's lovely to be here. Why I do what I do. I think I know how businesswomen, entrepreneurs and stressed women feel in their brains around alcohol. I was very much that person. I was in quite a stressful job. Alcohol was not an issue for me. Not really, to be fair. I used it when the kids were younger. That's when my drinking journey began. Before that, I was just your typical social drinker. I'd have a drink if I went out, but it wasn't really my thing. I wasn't really bothered. And then kids came along. Oh, boy. Juggling kids, working full time or working part time, I would say, actually, keeping home, doing all the things that you do as a woman, because you've got to hold it all together, haven't you? Because that's what women do, don't they? They just like hold it all together. Until it did happen to me in 2016, 2017, sort of crashing down. I've got a military background. I was in the nursing corps for 13 years, so I didn't get married until I was in my late 20s. I had Lucy when I was coming up to 30, and then I had Lucy when I was coming up to 40. So, I had Lucy when I was coming up to 40, and then I had Lucy when I was coming up to 50. So, I had Lucy when I was coming up to 50, and then I had Lucy when I was coming up to when I was coming up to 30. And then I had the two of the Bosnia, went to Germany, up and down the UK, various hospitals. And I don't think it wasn't too bad because we had it all sorted with Lucy at nursery, and I worked in the outpatients department. So, I sort of worked a nine to five job. But when I came home and got her to bed, I used to have the odd glass of wine I would go out, but it was when my son was born. My son was born in 2001, and I knew straight away there wasn't something quite right. And he was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, which is on the autistic spectrum, and ADHD when he was about, oh, I don't know, about six, five or six. I mean, we'd known from nursery that there was something not quite right, and that put a lot of strain for me and my marriage as well. I'm married again. My first husband just stuck his head in the sand, really couldn't come to terms with it. I was the one that was working while the kids were at school. So, I was dropping them off at school, picking them up, working in between and picking them up, and then having all the household bits to do, all the education bits to sort out with the special educational needs. I'm going to jump in there, if I may. If people are listening and they can recognize what you're saying, when you have got a child who has health issues, and especially when it comes to, like, schooling and learning difficulties, it can be a complete minefield, can't it? And it takes up such a lot of your time. Did you find that the education system in the school that you were with were helpful, or did it feel like every day was a bit of a battle? In primary school, we're in a very small local school in the village where we live. They were absolutely fantastic. So, that was not an issue at all. He didn't have a statement, unfortunately. The educational psychologist said he didn't tick all the boxes because Nathan is very intelligent, very bright, and he didn't get a statement. So, he's put on something called Action Plus. I had a lot of backwards and forwards with the teachers. There was lots of reports, how he was doing, meetings. My first husband used to come to them if he could, but the pooper hit the fan when he got to secondary school. He was under a psychologist at CAMHS, which is the mental health side of things. And the family worker recommended a particular school near a city, and it was our faith school because I'm a Christian, and I wanted my children to go to a faith-based school. And it was a long day for him. It was like 7.30 in the morning getting the bus and not getting back till like 5.30 at night. Wow. And I worked about 50 minutes away, and it was a massive school. Learning support were not fantastic because it wasn't funded. It's really sad to say, Vicky, but because they weren't getting money for them, I felt they just couldn't give two hoops about him, to be fair. So my poor boy was left wandering around, losing his bag, losing his books, not getting to lessons on time, constant detentions. I was going to have to go and pick him up because he'd missed the bus. It was a complete and utter nightmare. The teachers were sick of me because I had everybody's emails, and I would constantly email them, letting them know, you know, what sort of day he'd had at home. And it's only coming out now, he's 22, saying how exhausted he was because he needed to wind down after school. And his winding, quiet time was in the middle of the night, Vicky. So it was knackered getting up in the morning. Which, in hindsight, you can see that and the fact that he obviously didn't have the ability to tell you how he felt. And he probably didn't have the words and know how to explain it anyway. And as parents, we just do the best that we can. So with all of that stress going on, is that when you found that you were starting to drink a little bit more or did that not come until later? No, I did start using wine. I needed to wind down. I didn't feel like I had anybody to talk to. The teachers weren't really listening. My husband didn't really massively get involved. Don't get me wrong, he loves the kids to absolute pieces and wants what's best for them. And he came to some of the meetings, but a lot of them were in school time and he was working. So it was really difficult for him to get. So I bore the brunt of and shouldered most of it. That put a real strain on our marriage. My drinking, I was probably having a couple of bottles a week at that point. Right, but not in nature, really, in a general sense? No, not really. I'd get the kids off to bed. I'd read them his story and then, you know, I'd be downstairs and it would be sitting in front of the TV, go and pour myself a glass of wine. My husband didn't drink wine. He wasn't really a big drinker, so he wouldn't have anything. And then I'd get on the phone to my best pal who I joined the army with and I'd pour all my rubbish out on her and he'd go to bed at half ten, eleven and I'd still be up at twelve, one o'clock, finishing the bottle of wine, chatting to my friend. So it was a pretty horrible time in my life, to be honest, Vicky. It really was. And it ended our marriage. There were other things that came into it that ended our marriage. But the main thing was that diagnosis and trying to hold everything together at home. Because I was the bill payer. I sorted all the finances out. You know, my husband came from a background where his mum just mothered him and then I just took over when I got married, which. Right. And again, that's a story depending on people's age. But, you know, if that's what you kind of saw your mum doing or your grandma doing, even if not your mum, you kind of, we do take on board. And as women, we are naturally just nurturers. It's, you know, DNA. It's, you know, we are the ones who give birth and we are the ones who genetically are kind of designed to love and nurture and care for other people. If you come from a background where your partner was used to that as well, and that's what you see, it's the norm. Whether we approve it or not, it doesn't matter. It's what we end up doing, isn't it? Yes, absolutely. When you're working as well and then you got this diagnosis and you're not necessarily getting the support and the help that you need. It's a really challenging time. And so for many people, turning to a bottle numbs out, quietens down the brain, just allows you to switch off and relax. And I'm sure we can all, you know, can recognize that whether we have an issue with drinking too much or not. I think we've all been there where we just want to go, just wind down with a drink. So that's kind of what you did. So you split up from the first husband and then your journey then kind of escalated a bit, didn't it? It did, indeed. I chose to leave the family home because my husband was not going anywhere. He was staying, so it was my choice. I got an ultimatum, basically. We'd been out for lunch with my friends who were drinkers, they were big drinkers, and I'd been the driver. So I had FOMO, obviously, I'd not drank anything and it wasn't fair. So I drove us back to the village and then it was my turn to have a drink. And my husband, I can't remember all the details, but basically came down the pub, wanted the car, was not impressed that I was in the pub drinking. And I got a text saying, I've had enough of this shit, I want out of this marriage. And I was like, now is my opportunity to get out. I was 45, I think, I can't remember. So I decided this was my opportunity to get out of the marriage. So I stayed, I didn't go home that night. We had some counselling and things, it really didn't work. And I just chose to leave the family home. So I had to get a full-time job because I was only working, I think I was earning something like four or five hundred pounds a month. Thankfully, the pub, I didn't fill that gap in, but actually, we ran the pub with our friends in the village. So we ran the local pub as well, on top of everything else. And my friend, I left the pub industry after about six months because the kids were too young, it was hard work. So I got to live upstairs in the pub for four months. And I found myself a full-time job, a really good paying full-time job, about 20 minutes away. And I then had to get a home. So I rented in the village. There was not a stick of furniture or anything in the village. Now, I've been a big community lady in the village. I've done a tonne of stuff, we've lived here for like 25 years. And it was amazing. The community all got together and basically furnished my house. The only thing I had to buy was a washing machine. Everything was left in the pub for me. Carol, I've got a sofa, I've got a TV, I've got two beds, I've got a double bed, I've got crockery, everything. But then, of course, splitting up with my husband and all the grief that that brings, my drinking really ramped up. There was nobody to keep an eye on me. So I would just sit and drink a whole bottle of wine every single night, every night. It wasn't any more than that at that time. And I just drowned my sorrows in the glass. Yeah. And this is where we recognise that no one sets out to become addicted and to escalate the drinking. And it's often external circumstances that provide the catalyst. And then we create the habit, don't we? And that habit, then we recognise that a couple of glasses becomes a bottle. And it's not a conscious choice. It's just something that creeps up over time. And then before you know it, that bottle a night has just become the norm. And you were functioning, you were holding down your job. It wasn't as if you were pissed out of your head and hung over every day. And I think this is an important thing to get across. You were still able to function as a mum and a full-time worker, weren't you? So tell us about how long that kind of went on for. It probably went on for a decade. I was in my own home with the kids, share. They chose to share their time. Thankfully, we were in the village still. I was in the village, so their dad was two minute walk away. So they chose to share the time between me and dad. So that's what they did. So on the down days, that was when I was in the pub. That was when I was meeting with my friends. I'd met another guy. That was when it was my time, my downtime. And boy, did I make it crack. You know, I'd go down the pub. I'd have a couple of 5% beers, pints of beers. Then I would start on the wine. There were never small ones. And my whole life evolved around the pub when the kids weren't there. And yeah, it got to, you know, your tolerance grows, doesn't it? The more you have, the more you need to get that buzz. So I wasn't getting that buzz probably. I mean, I was getting the initial buzz after a glass or two of wine, but I was still chasing that buzz and still chasing that feeling good. But at that point, I was just drinking for drinking sake. So it was probably a bottle and a half. I never hit the two bottle unless I started at lunchtime. And that was, I would make excuses with my daughter. I'd be like, oh, do you want to go out and have some lunch, Lucy? Thinking I can start drinking earlier. So I wouldn't class myself as an alcoholic. A lot of people listening might think that, but I was definitely in the grey area of drinking where if I didn't, if I did have a day or two off, I wasn't getting trembling. I wasn't getting headaches. I wasn't fitting. I wasn't feeling. So there was no alcohol use disorder there. It was just this need. I just believed that drink helped me to relax and de-stress. And this is where I think so many people listening to this can recognise themselves because you could not drink for a day and you were fine. You know, and it's where, you know, I hate the label and the term alcoholic because... Yeah, nor do I. 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