My Testimony

The host introduces herself as Vanessa Valdez and talks about her excitement and nervousness for the first episode of her podcast. She mentions that she will be discussing serious topics such as suicide and eating disorders. Vanessa shares that she grew up in a Christian household and attended church with her parents. She talks about her experience in her previous church where her grandfather was the pastor. She then talks about her current church and how she felt the Holy Spirit and saw true worship for the first time. Vanessa shares how her relationship with God grew and how she truly gave her life to Christ at a youth conference. She talks about her love for Jesus and her growth in faith. Vanessa also opens up about her struggles with loneliness in middle school and how she tried to seek attention and friendship in unhealthy ways. Hello everybody, this is the My Shepard Podcast and I'm your host Vanessa Valdez, welcome! This is the first episode, I'm so excited. I'm a bit nervous, but yeah, I'm ready to start. Sorry if there will be background noises, there's a lot happening in the house today, and there's a lot of noise outside. I may be here, so I'm writing, so just an FYI. And also, just like a little FYI, in this podcast I'm going to be talking about some serious topics, so if you get a little, I don't know, sentimental with those topics like suicide, eating disorders, and yeah. Okay, so, as I said again, my name is Vanessa Valdez, I'm the host of this podcast. I'm 18 years old, I'm so excited to start this. So I just want you all to get to know me a little bit, just about my testimony and stuff like that, like why I started this podcast, who I am, and everything like that. So yeah, today I'm going to be talking about my testimony, and just like general things just to get to know me a bit more as the first episode, so for future episodes you'll understand, not understand, but like be on a more personal level. So, I grew up in church, which is such a blessing. I grew up in church, I'm not attending the same church I grew up in, but I grew up in a Christian household. I have both of my parents are both Christian, and I have two other siblings. So my grandpa was the pastor of the church I used to attend, and so my mom's like the PK, so yeah. I guess I'm like, I don't know if that's even a thing, like pastor's grandkid, I don't know. But anyways, um, yeah. So my grandpa, mi abuelo, was a pastor of the church I used to attend, and I attended that church for like, I think, 11 or, no, 12 or 13 years, yeah, ever since I was born until I was like 12 or 13, somewhere around that age. And then after that, we moved churches, and I go to a different church now, and I've been there since I was like 13. I'm attending my now church ever since I've been 13, so it's about like, what? Five years? On to my sixth. Um, yeah, and I really love my church, I love it so much. Yeah, so that's, those are like the only churches I've attended, where like I remember, so let me pull up my notes real quick. But even though, even though growing up in a church doesn't mean that I was growing in my relationship with Jesus, from my young age to like I was 12 or 13 years old, I was just there. I was just attending church to attend church, just to look good. I mean, also just because like I couldn't control it really, I was like what, 12 or 10 years old going to church? Because my parents went. So I wanted to, always wanted to be a good example, like, of my parents to the church. Um, my mom being like the pastor's kid, not at the time, not the pastor at the time, but there's a different pastor, but then my mom used to be the pastor's kid, and dad. So I'm in the worship team, and you play the guitar, so it was like, they were like, I don't, I don't want to say big people, but they're like well-known in my small church, and I wanted to be a good example out of them. So I tried my best to try to be the most perfect, like, example of, of my parents, like the perfect result of, of my parents. Just because I didn't want them to look bad, and I cared so much about others' opinions at such an early age, so I was not growing in my relationship with Jesus at that young age. Even though I might have looked like that to some people, but it was, it was all like a facade just to, just to get to make myself look perfect. And just so, because I cared so much about my parents, I didn't want anybody to think they were bad people or anything like that, so that's, that's why I put on that facade. Um, so whenever I was like at that age, um, I only attended like retreats or anything like that. I only did, well, not perfect, but I only did my best just to be that example, um, and to try to look good. But I know that it wasn't coming truly from me, it was just, just because it was, um, it was something I felt the need to do, which was a lie from the enemy telling me that their, that the relationship with God, a relationship with God, um, was not important at that time, but it was desperately what I needed at that young age. So yeah, it wasn't until I was like 13, the first time I stepped into, the first time I stepped into the church I attend now, um, that's when I like felt the Holy Spirit, I knew, I saw God, like move in me, and in a way I've never, I had never experienced before. Um, the first day I, I walked into the church I go into, I go to now, what really struck me was the worship, cause we, we got there a little bit late, and, and we walked into worship, and I just, it was just this loud music, I had never heard such a loud music at a church before. You could like feel the bass on the floor and all that, and so I was like, oh my gosh, what is this? And I was like, whoa, I've never heard this type of worship before. Um, and I look around, and I see all, everybody praising Jesus, even like teenagers, even young people praising, and I was like, what? I had never seen that before. I was like, I had never seen true, true worship out of such young people before. And so that amazed me so much, and, and that day I was, you know, like actually singing. That day, that day I actually wanted to go into the presence, cause I said, wow, these people look like, look so, so in the presence of God, it looks so, um, like, I don't know, free. And, and I really loved it, um, at that point, um, and so yeah, I love the church ever since the first day I stepped foot in it, and worship was really important to me because of that, because it was something that I had never seen, and it was something I saw young people do. And I wanted to do it too. Even though I had, even though I had been in the church for such a long time, um, I hadn't been, my relationship with God was fresh, it was new. Though, I, I knew some stories of the Bible because of Sunday school, but I didn't know what they meant. I didn't know, um, really know it. I didn't really know the Bible. Um, I only have these verses memorized. I only knew stories, and I knew them as stories, not true events. Um, so whenever I was attending my church, um, I learned, I learned who God was, and what the Bible was, and what it, what it said, and all these true events that happened. So that's when I started to grow in my relationship with God and, and faith. Um, and before I had always, um, like whenever I was little, I had always, always, um, given my life to God, and said the prayer, like probably ten times whenever I was little, but I never meant it. I never knew what it meant. I just said it to say it. Um, but till I was like, I think till I was like 13 or 14, I truly gave my life to God, and it was at, uh, what's it called? It was at a youth conference, and, and that's when I saw, like, like all the youth, all these, these young people praising God, and like, like bowing on their knees, and just praising on their knees, and I was like, what is this? Like, everybody's, like, so in the presence of God, and I loved it. And that's when I really let myself go, and I let myself to God, and I let His presence consume me, and that's when I felt the Holy Spirit in me, and I gave my life to Christ. I had really gave my life to Christ, and then I just broke into tears during worship, because it was so, it was so liberating and everything. It felt so nice. It felt so fresh. Um, but yeah, that's when I started, I truly started my relationship with Jesus, and yeah, ever since then, I had always loved going, uh, well, not had, I do, um, ever since then, I love going to church. I love reading my Bible, and I love Jesus so much, and my growth has just been, like, spiking so high, and it, it, like, amazes me, and my parents are amazed, and I'm just like, wow, Jesus moves, like, miraculously in people's lives, and it's incredible. But I had, I obviously had some things to grow from. Whenever I was growing up, whenever I was attending new church, I was in middle school, going into high school, well, I think I was in seventh, seventh and eighth grade, and that's when I struggled with a few things. Um, I struggled with, uh, with feeling lonely, um, and again, I was, like, still fresh in my relationship with Jesus, and didn't want to look at the answers God had in front of me at the time, so I went, I didn't go the path He had laid out for me, I went the other path that the devil had tricked me into going. So, I started feeling lonely in middle school. It was, like, really bad, like, to the point where I was so desperate to try anything and everything, to at least have a friend, to at least have a best friend, or, like, a niche group. It wasn't anything about, like, being popular or anything like that, I just wanted to have a friend to be close with, like, forever. I was so lonely that I wanted people to notice me, that I took the wrong approach to it, and I went the devil's way instead of going to God. So, one of those ways, which is a little sensitive, it's a sensitive topic, I had tried, uh, I had tried to get people to notice me by harming myself, um, but I couldn't physically, well, I did do it, but I couldn't do it, um, I couldn't keep on going with it. I never felt right with it, but I tried to physically harm myself, and I would always be, like, not, like, to show off, but I wanted someone to be, like, hey, are you okay, like, what's going on, like, do you need someone to talk to, and I'd be, like, oh, yeah, I do, you want to be my friend? Like, it was not a healthy way at all. Um, so those were one of the ways I tried to get people to notice me, I tried, I tried, like, after that, nobody, nobody would notice, so then I tried to, I convinced myself that it was, um, a weight problem, and I was like, oh, it's because people don't, people don't see me as the same as them, so, like, like, people see me bigger than them, or something like that, I don't know, all these lies. And I was like, so, so maybe I should, you know, lose weight, but I couldn't, I couldn't stop eating, so I was like, you know what, I can't, like, I can't lose weight fast enough, so I'll try something I've heard of, I'll try something I've heard of to do, to lose weight fast enough, so I, um, I tried, and this, this didn't go on either, because I couldn't physically do it anymore, and spiritually, because it was so draining, and it bothered me so much, I knew the spirit, but the spirit was convicting me, and these days, so, so much, like, I literally felt sick while doing this, also because I was doing it, but I knew it was the spirit telling me, like, hey, this is not good, like, that's just telling me in a way, um, that this isn't for me, um, and by that, I would be, like, throwing up after dinner, and I couldn't do it anymore, to a point, and after that, nobody, still, like, nobody, um, came up to me, but the thing is, like, people would come up to me, and I never noticed it, or I backed away, and, like, it was just, it was all these lies the devil was telling me, after that, I was like, you know, what's the point, like, nobody likes me, nobody loves me, and at that time, too, I, like, I was so lonely, too, that I, I needed to feel loved by, I wanted to feel loved by family, like, and I knew I was, by my parents and my siblings, but at that time, I had a distant relationship with my, my cousins, and my other family members, and I wanted, I wanted a connection with them really bad, I wanted a relationship with them, and I didn't, I didn't feel like I got that from them, so, I was like, they hate me, like, is something going on, is it me, am I the problem, like, so I was like, oh, okay, okay, I'll just erase myself from, from the problem, so that it can be better for my family, and better for relationships, and, and so I tried convincing myself, you know, that I was suicidal, and I would try every time, like I said, harming myself, but it didn't work, um, I couldn't do it physically or spiritually, um, it was just that conviction, and then, I wanted people to notice me really bad, I started, I started on conforming to, to the things of the world, the things of the time, which was having the same sex desires, which was a total life in the enemy, and it was something that I couldn't do, like, not even for a day, like, it, it, like, bothered me so much when I tried, and, and that worsened my relationship with, with good acquaintances, and just me physically and spiritually, it, it hurt me so bad, um, that, like, I couldn't, I couldn't do it anymore, so, yeah, those were, those were the things that I was struggling with during those years, but the thing is that I, the thing is that I desired, um, love and connection so much from people and things, that I was so blinded that I couldn't open my eyes and see God right in front of me, um, I wanted, I wanted worldly acceptance rather than God's acceptance, which was so sad, and, and looking back today, and I was like, God was right there, right in front of me the whole time, like, I felt, I felt, um, sick doing all these things, because it was just conviction, it was just God telling me, trying to turn my head and be like, look into my eyes, like, I'm right here, I love you, like, you know, you are not, which I overcame in, in the years, um, after growing in my relationship with Jesus, um, because, because I struggled so much with that, and I, and I lingered away from all those things, I still had, I still had, um, something from, from those struggles lingering onto me, and that was insecurity, and comparing myself to others, and fear of man, fear of, like, expressing myself, I still had that, um, I still had that struggles within me, um, until, until last year, I went to this youth camp, and it was so liberating, I love it, and I was freed from all that, I was freed from insecurity, I was freed from comparison, I was freed from fear of man, and I received so many gifts from, from the Holy Spirit and from God, and now I have a fire in me, now I'm starting this podcast, like, I'm so free from everything I struggled with, and I just have God to thank for that, it's, it's amazing, and so, that's, that's a bit of my testimony, and then we're here today, so now I just want to talk quickly about, like, how I came today, how this podcast came to be, why I started it, how I got the name, and what, what it means to me, um, all that stuff, I originally had wanted to start a podcast, like, ever since, ever since, like, I was with my cousins, and I was like, y'all, you're so funny, like, we should start a podcast so we can be famous, like, all that, um, but now my motives are obviously different, ever since last year, I did, I wanted to start a podcast, um, I had seen so many, I had seen so many podcasts coming up, and I was like, these are, these are really good, and they're, they're truly a blessing for me and to others, and I was like, I want to do the same thing, I want to tell people about Jesus, I want to speak his word, and speak for Jesus and the Holy Spirit and everything, so I was like, I want to start a podcast, I wanted to start a podcast in 2023, and each year, I had been doing Psalm of the Year, and my Psalm of the Year last year was, let me pull it up real quick, was Psalm 23, so like, this year I'm doing Psalm 24 now, which is amazing, it speaks to me so much, but let me pull up Psalm 23 real quick, the Lord is my shepherd, I have all that I need, he lets me rest in green meadows, he leads me beside peaceful streams, he renews my strength, he guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name, even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me, you rod on your staff, protect and comfort me, you prepare feasts for me in the presence of my enemies, you honor me by anointing my head with oil, my cup overflows with blessings, surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever, so that was Psalm 23, and in that year, it really, it really spoke to me last year, just because of what, what I had been freed from, like, it spoke so much, it was so true to me last year, and I felt it was really for me, and because this was last year, and last year I wanted to do my podcast, whenever I was thinking of, and praying, like, God, what name do I put, he was just, he was just reminding me, he was like, hey, this, you wanted this podcast, like, last year, and I was like, yeah, okay, like, I wanted to do this podcast last year, and I kept praying and praying, and he reminded me, you do your Psalms every year, and so I was like, I do, so I went to Psalm 23, and literally the first verse is, the Lord is my shepherd, and I was like, Gary, God, you're so cool, so that's what I named my podcast after, I said, My Shepherd Podcast, because the Lord is my shepherd, he literally brought me through so many things, as I just shared with y'all, it's so true to me, and it's just a reminder to y'all, too, you know, the Lord is your shepherd, and he, he brings you out of things, and the Bible says that, you know, we are the lost sheep, God finds those lost sheep, and he renews them, and he leads them to green pastures, and he will leave the 99 for the 1, he will go and rescue you, the Lord won't leave you behind, that's just like what the name means to me, so yeah, that's just what the name means to me, that's how I got the name, My Shepherd Podcast, I hope y'all really like it, so that's all I have for today, y'all, I'm so thankful for being able to give this out to y'all, this is truly a blessing to me, truly, truly, it was, and it is, and I pray that it's a blessing for everybody listening, I know this may be a first for, for some people, I haven't shared my testimony to many people, so it was a blessing to me, truly, and being able to share this with y'all, and now we, I know we can have that personal, that personal connection, on a deeper level, so yeah, I hope y'all liked today's episode, the next episode, I'll give y'all a little sneak peek, next episode, let me pull up my notes, the title, I'm really excited, it's gonna be Stop Conforming, Start Transforming, be out on the lookout to when I'm gonna post, when I'm gonna, what's it called, post, I don't know, when I'm gonna release episode two, Stop Conforming, Start Transforming, I know it's gonna be really good, it's really good right now, I've written all my notes for it, and it's so good, anyways, so yeah, I hope y'all liked today's episode, thank you so much for listening today, have a blessed day, y'all, bye bye.