2011 - When i started to tune into me

In this podcast episode, the host, Tara Bishop, shares her personal journey of self-discovery and tuning into herself. She experienced a separation from a long-term relationship and a career transition in 2011. She started working on an oil and gas project, which required her to live on a floating accommodation barge for four weeks at a time. During this period, she faced emotional and mental challenges, including thoughts of suicide. Instead of relying on medication, she sought alternative sources of healing and discovered yoga. Yoga became a transformative practice for her, improving her mental well-being and overall outlook on life. She eventually moved to Canada and continued practicing yoga while working as a bartender and in retail. Yoga helped her navigate through this new environment and maintain her mental well-being. Hi ladies and gents. Welcome to the Tune Into You and Thrive podcast. I'm your host Tara Bishop and it is an absolute pleasure to share this episode with you. So in today's episode I'm going to share with you my journey of when I really started to tune into me and really it goes back to the year of 2011. In 2011 I had personally experienced a separation of a long-term relationship after eight years and during this time I was also transitioning into a new career opportunity, a new position in my career. So prior to 2011 I was working for an organisation as a blue-collar recruiter, recruiting for all positions including mechanical fitters, boilermakers, riggers, scaffolders, crane operators, carpenters, electricians and all things blue-collar. And I was actually recruiting, I was recruiting for an onshore oil and gas project called Barra Island which is, if you don't know, it's located in Perth, Western Australia. And so during this time of separation from my partner, selling of a property or letting go of a property, I was certainly traversing through a lot emotionally, financially, physically, especially with trying to find a new home. And so an opportunity came up with the company I was working for and my manager said, Tara if you want to work on the actual project that you're recruiting for, there is a position available as an HR administrator. So I actually accepted that offer and so I moved from the corporate space as a recruiter, I then started working on Barra Island as a flying flyer HR administrator. So my rotation working on this oil and gas project was four weeks on and one week off. And so during that time when you're used to working Monday to Friday, eight hours a day and then you transition into a position where it is slightly different to recruitment, but I guess the changes really were the longer days and also being away from the comforts of your own home, if we think of four weeks away from your own bed. So during this time on Barra Island, lots of things were certainly coming up. I must say I lived in, I actually had a really nice, the accommodation that we were provided with was really lovely. So I actually stayed on what they called the Bibby, which is a floating accommodation barge. And so there was, I'm just, it seems so long ago now, let's say that there were five different levels for example, and the office that I worked in was on level two and then I was on say level four in regards to my actual accommodation. So it was really beautiful. You could literally look out of your bedroom or office window and then you actually saw the ocean. So most of the time it didn't actually feel like I was working on an accommodation barge or actually working on an oil and gas project. So during that time I certainly made lots of friends, worked with a really positive team which always helps when it comes to employment and it comes to your working environment. However in the background I knew that I was actually struggling mentally. Yes it was, it had a lot to do with my separation from my partner. However I also knew deep down in my core that there was so much more and if I, when I talk about so much more, I actually moved from New Zealand. So originally I was born in, not originally, but I was born in a super small town in New Zealand, come from a massive family of seven children and I actually, my older sister who I call my mum, she's like my sister mum, she, her and her husband, her beautiful husband raised me since I was 10. So it's, I don't say it's funny, but in 2011 when I was going through my separation, when I was working on Barra Island, things from my childhood started to come up and then that's when I actually knew I needed to dive deep and this is really when my journey of tuning into me truly began. And so lots of emotions came up about my childhood and why did I have to leave New Zealand when I was 10 and live with my older sister and her husband. And then I thought you know what Tara, go and see a doctor because I knew mentally I wasn't in a good state. And yes there were feelings and, not feelings, but there were thoughts of suicide. There were lots of, there was lots of sadness, there was lots of anger and I think at the time I just projected it onto my partner at the time. I was like, it's because of this relationship, but it wasn't really. If I sat here and I was 110% honest with myself, it didn't start at my partner or with my partner. It was way before then. So I think I had completed one or two swings on Barra Island and I was like, you know what, just find the courage, go and make a booking with your local GP and just really discuss how I'm feeling. And so I made an appointment. The lovely doctor actually asked me to answer all these questions. There's quite a lot of questions and at the end of the questionnaire he did say, Tara you've got mild anxiety, here's a prescription, go and purchase these tablets from the pharmacy, from the chemist next door and then come back and see me in a month's time. And to me I have always, I'm not a fan of tablets. Not even painkillers, not even urofen, panadol. I have to be extremely sick to be able to take a tablet. Anyway, after the consultation I was really disappointed. I thought, is that how I'm going to solve my problems and all these negative feelings and emotions by this tablet? Does this tablet have all the power? And I actually refused. I took the prescription from the doctor. However, I did not go and purchase those tablets. And it is now 2024 and I still have never ever taken one of those tablets. And I also respect if you are listening to this and you are currently taking anxiety tablets, it does come back down to a personal choice. So furthermore, after I attended my consultation with my doctor, I was literally on a hunt, on a search for a source of medicine to help me reduce the level of anxiety that I was feeling in my mind and in my body. And I continue to work on Barra Island. I continue to work a fly-in fly-out rotation or roster four weeks on one week off. And I think it would have been around the third or fourth swing that I was on site. A few of my work colleagues were like, Tara, have you tried yoga? And I was like, oh my gosh, why would I do yoga when I can't even touch my toes? And it was so interesting because at that time I was right into running and jogging, let's say jogging cardio and also strength training. And I was like, oh no, I can't sit there and close my eyes and pretend that I'm meditating. And you know, how can I do yoga when I can't even touch my toes? Anyway, then I was like, okay, be open-minded. So I attended a yoga class and I would never forget my teacher. His name was Tim. Super, super talented man in regards to spirituality, meditation. Yes, he was extremely flexible and there were some postures that he was guiding us through. And I'm like, how the hell do you do that with your body? I'm like, that's not possible. That's not human-like. Anyway, I really started to fall in love with the practice of yoga. And initially, I would say for the first three years, yeah, first three years, first three to four years, yoga to me certainly, it just lit me up internally. It was like, what is this? This is like a drug. I'm so addicted to it. I would literally practice all the, like literally every day, every time there was a class on-site, I would practice. And when I would come back to Perth for my week off, then I was in the hunt for, or the search, for a yoga studio where I could still continue to practice on my weeks off. And then I basically fell in love with Bikram Yoga, which is hot yoga. And at that stage, I was just even more addicted. And there were just so many changes going through my mind and my body. Yes, lots of physical changes. I was becoming a lot more stronger, a lot more flexible. But overall, my mental well-being was in a lot more positive space, which is what I really needed. And so I ended up working on Barra Island for just shy of a year. And then I've always wanted to live in Canada. So that's 2011. So a few years prior to 2011, I had actually traveled to New York. I had been through Boston and all through Canada, from the East Coast, from Quebec, all the way through to Montreal, through to Toronto, and Vancouver, and beautiful Whistler and Banff. So I had traveled through Canada before. But when I was on Barra Island, I was like, well, there's nothing keeping me in Perth. Like, let's go and travel. So then I decided to take all the money that I had, bless me, resigned from my great job that I had on Barra Island. And then I decided to apply for a working holiday visa in Canada. And then I got my visa approved. And then I just literally packed up with my one suitcase, 30-kilo suitcase. And then I actually moved to Toronto. So when I moved to Toronto, I was still continuing the practice of yoga. Yet again, I wasn't as committed to yoga as I was when I was in 2011. So 2012, I moved to Canada. I was practicing maybe twice or three times a week. But I was, at that time, I was actually partying a lot. I was working as a bartender in the evening, only for three hours, in a super small bar where they played pool table. I swear I was the worst waitress, God bless me, where I had to hold a, basically, if I had to carry a number of drinks, I had to hold it with two hands. I couldn't hold it with one because I was, I'm just so, at that time, I was so clumsy. And then during the day, I was working in a retail store. Those are two positions. I'd never, ever worked in Australia. So I was definitely out of my comfort zone. Mentally, yes, I was in a good place. But I think it was also because it was a whole new environment, once again, but I was also excited to be living in Canada, which is a place I've always wanted to live in. And so with yoga, starting in 2011, it was with me, and I still continue to practice yoga in Canada. So I was there for a year. And during that time, I met some amazing, amazing people. I got to travel to a number of different states in America, which was awesome. Made some really long-term friends, like some true friendships. I was even able to go over to Cuba, which was a fantastic experience in itself. And then 2013, my visa was up, and then I moved back to Perth, to Australia. So then when I came back to Perth, I ended up living with family and friends. After a few months, I got back into the recruitment space again, which was really easy to find work, and very grateful for that. And upon my return to Perth, that's when I actually dived even deeper into yoga. And so I found myself being so addicted to the practice of Vikram yoga, literally going at least six to seven days a week. I even became a vegan, and I just really fell in love with the practice. And then 2015 came around, and I was like, you know, I actually see myself as a yoga teacher. So then I registered for Yoga Teacher's Training. It's now called Flow Space in North Perth. And then it was an interesting journey, going from Vikram yoga to Vinyasa or Hatha yoga. And so during that time, I was studying part-time, so working and studying. It was normally Friday to Sunday that we would study collectively as a group. And then prior to the end, or prior to graduation, there was a whole heap of us that actually went over. We actually flew to Bali, and it was a one-week retreat, which was fantastic. More opportunity to learn with others, learn about ourselves, especially from a spiritual and inner perspective, rather than the physical aspect. And so then I graduated and became a certified yoga teacher in 2015. And growing up as a child, I was actually really shy. I was certainly a massive introvert, but at the same time, when you're young, you know, not a lot of people have confidence and all of that. However, I was certainly ready to step out there in the space of the teaching world. So 2015 came, I became a certified teacher. I put my feelings out there, and I was teaching at various gyms and yoga studios in Perth, and also working full-time as a recruiter. And so that was such a powerful journey, to be able to share the beautiful practice of yoga in gyms, in yoga studios, and especially engaging with students from all different backgrounds, all different levels and capabilities. And then I continued on my journey with yoga. I was able to teach and also practice at the same time, which is fantastic. And then I decided to reach out to, or I really wanted to teach in different areas. So there's a brand called Lorna Jane, and I'm sure a lot of people know the brand Lorna Jane. And so I reached out to one store, one Lorna Jane store in Coburn Central, which is about 20 minutes south of Perth City, for example. So I reached out to the store manager in Coburn, and I actually asked, would you let me, can I hide this space in your store? I can certainly promote the clothing that you have. And it was great. It was such a great opportunity for me to go there every Saturday morning, share the beautiful practice of yoga with new customers. I was actually advertising on Facebook. And during this time, I had one client or one student that attended my class, and she said to me, Tara, would you actually come to my house and, would you come to my house and teach? Would you teach me one-on-one? And I was like, oh, yes, sure. And so I was basically teaching in various yoga studios and gyms. I then set up my own business, and then I actually started teaching or offering the practice of yoga in the comfort of clients' homes. And so this particular client of mine, Teresa, she will always have a special place in my heart. Such a special lady she is. And it's because of her that I decided, yes, you know, go to clients' homes and teach them in the comfort of their own home. And now it's even more powerful. Over the past five years, I actually teach online as well. So with the yoga, with the practice of yoga, yoga has really taught me so much about myself. And as humans, a lot of us may find ourselves searching for things external of us to create that inner sense of peace. When really, when we tune into us, into all areas, your mind, your body, and your soul, your spirit, that's where all the answers actually lie. And 2017, I was in a new relationship, and I had decided that I was going to, I wanted to go to India. I wanted to learn more about the tradition of yoga and where it actually started from, and who created the practice of yoga. So then I was still employed as a recruiter, and the training course that I wanted to participate in was an eight-week course. And so I boldly asked my employer, can I leave that two months off? And they said, no Tara, you can't. We can't let you go for that long. We need support within our team. So I said, okay. So then I decided to resign from my job, follow my heart, follow my gut instinct, and then I still, I actually resigned, and I went to India for two months. Very fortunate that a week prior to me returning to Australia, my employer, well, my previous employer called and said, when you come back, we would like you to come back and join our team. So that's a massive blessing. So during my time in India, it was really early days, actually. We started around 6.30 in the morning, and our day consisted of an hour to an hour and a half of meditation. And then that would be then followed by breath work, followed by asana, so the physical practice of yoga. We would then have breakfast. And I must say, during my eight weeks in India, in Rishikesh, it was fantastic. Like the food, I mean, I've always loved Indian food, but the food was just fantastic. And especially being a vegan, it was just, it was delightful. It was absolutely delicious. And then after breakfast, we'd have a small break, and then we'd move into anatomy, we'll move into the philosophy of yoga. We'd then certainly have a lot of time to be able to practice teaching. And it was really, it was such a great experience learning from, or I guess, participating in my first yoga teacher's training in Australia, and then also going to India. And in India, I really learned so much about the philosophy of yoga. But I also learned so much about me as a person, knowing that all the power that I have is within me, or all the power that I need is within me. And I've always been a spiritual person, I've always believed in God. So I felt the connection and the alignment a lot stronger than ever. And I must say that during my time in India, it was like I was in this bubble. So coming back to Perth, after eight weeks, after being in a yoga bubble, it did take, it took a few days for me to find my feet again, for me to get grounded again. And then to get back into the daily routine of recruitment, and also teaching a number of different classes of yoga throughout the week. So in summary to today's episode, I really want to speak into, yes, really, that's where my journey of tuning into me started was in 2011. Especially with the breakup of my long term relationship, but me knowing deep down that there were so many things from my childhood that had come up that year, especially around the wording, the feelings of feeling loved and being worthy of receiving love. And also around confidence and self belief, so many things came up that, to me at that point in time in my life, I just thought that there was no source of medicine. And that's why I had those suicidal thoughts. I couldn't control my thoughts. And I thought the best way to escape all these negative emotions and this pain, and I just really felt like no one understood me. No one. And there are times where I know from my childhood, and I love my mum and dad, and I know that it's like, okay, it's a source of weakness if you actually cry. Whereas now, 2024, I encourage those, if you want to cry, cry, ladies and gents. If you want to laugh, if you want to scream, let yourself do it. And so 2011 certainly brought up a lot in regards to me as an individual person, brought up a lot from my childhood, brought up a lot around love and also self love. And so yoga, to me, personally has been my source of medicine. And no matter how busy my working day schedule may be, no matter how much those around me need me or require my time, I can sit here today, which is February 2024, and hand on my heart, both hands on my heart, to me, tuning into me first thing in the morning is my priority. I love everyone around me. And yet, tuning into me every morning is what I just need. And then that's when I can then give to those around me, including clients, including my family and my friends. But tuning into me so I can thrive in all areas of my life is just who I am. And I too, if you are listening to this podcast, to this episode, I too would love to encourage you to actually make time, if you don't already do it, make time to prioritize you. Make time to actually tune into you. I'm talking tune into your mind, tune into your body, tune into your overall energy, and then actually allow yourself to thrive. Thrive in the essence of you being you. Thrive in the essence and the power of your uniqueness. Ladies and gents, thank you very much for taking the time to listen to this episode.