Conflict Activities

The speaker emphasizes the importance of practicing conflict conversations to handle them effectively. They share a story about teaching listening chats in boys' volleyball, where players receive feedback without responding. The speaker highlights the long-term benefits of practicing these conversations professionally and calmly. They encourage reflecting on feedback and responding thoughtfully. By facilitating activities that involve listening without responding and self-reflection, handling conflict becomes easier. Now, I've stated this over and over again, and I cannot stress this enough, especially when it comes to conflict. And I'm going to give you a great story, a representation of a cool tactic. But when you don't practice things, you're not going to typically do them, or you're not going to do them well. Conflict is no different. Practice having conflict, conversations of conflict, thoughtfully and professionally, not only for yourself, but maybe even your team members. Here's why. People will be more willing to have it in a calm manner because they've practiced, they've conditioned themselves to do it. Now, for 31 years, I've coached boys' volleyball, and we teach something called listening chats. Going up to a teammate and saying, where am I playing well, what are two things I'm doing well, and what's that one area you would encourage me to improve? And the control, the rule of engagement, the conditioner of the conversation is the following. You cannot respond. You can just simply say thank you. Even if you hear things that you disagree with. I will tell you, my guys have come back to me years later when they're in college, graduate school, and they come back and say, coach, I totally go back to those lessons you taught us. Having those tough conversations, I've had my boss say, why are you so calm? And he said, I had to practice it. I was the captain of a volleyball team. Our coach made us do these things, and it really taught me to have these conversations professionally and thoughtfully. And that's music to my ears. When you practice it, like listening chats, what are two or three things I'm doing well, and what's that one area you would encourage me to improve? It doesn't mean we have to agree or disagree, but most of the time where conflict occurs is our emotional reaction to agreement or disagreement. Now if one of my players said, well, coach, you can be really mean, I don't think I've ever intentionally been mean to a kid. Yet in that moment, I have to say thank you. I reflect. And through that reflection, what do we do? We come up with calm responses. So I can go back to a player and say, well, Jack, I was thinking about something that you said. Help me understand where I demonstrate that meanness. You get the idea. Facilitate activities of hearing other people without responding. And then ask them after reflection, what did you learn about yourself you're committed to improving? If you practice that activity, conflict becomes a lot easier to handle.