Lost Everything

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But back then, 20 plus years ago, you know what I didn't have to lose? I didn't have that relationship with Jesus Christ. I didn't have Him as my guiding light. I didn't have Him and the Gospel of Jesus Christ to lead me and to guide me and I certainly didn't read or follow the word of God to nourish and give me my daily bread. What I need daily to carry on, no matter the circumstances. We all have things happen to us and things that befall us. Tragic, sometimes not so tragic. Just something that's just so hard to get through. We're all different, but we all have them. And one thing that since I've been saved here in the last three years that has been such an awakening, I guess is the best word I can think of is reading the Scripture and going through things. When I lost my mom, first when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer, that was hard. But we've been through that with my wife's father. And then remembering all the closeness and all the good times and all the things that my mother and I have went through and all the times that she was there for me and for my family, realizing she's not going to be there anymore. Hence that song, Precious Memories. I use that a lot when I think about her. But we all feel that we've lost everything or we're losing everything or we're not in control of everything. Well, friends, let me tell you. If you're serving the Lord Jesus Christ, you're not in control. He is. Our Lord and Savior is in control and that's what we need to do is stand steadfast with Him. Give Him control. Turn it all over to Him. And yes, I know that's a whole lot easier said than done. A whole lot easier said than done. But if we stay in the Scripture, and one of my favorites is 2 Corinthians 12, verses 9 through 10. And He said unto me, this is Paul who had the thorn in his flesh that he was talking to Jesus. And he said unto me, my grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distress for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong. Hallelujah. I take that with me as many times as I can when something starts feeling just not right, or things aren't going the way I think they ought to go, that I think they ought to go. Then I really lean on that, for when I am weak, I am strong, and I turn to my Savior daily for that daily bread. So, Amanda says she lost everything. She had it all. She had a wonderful childhood. She had a grandfather that loved her, participated with her. She was a sports athlete, a star, if you will. And later in life, after she loses her grandfather and some other things happen, she really, really hit the low point of her life. And when she let Jesus take the wheel, if you will, when she let Jesus take control of her life, all good things happen. And she realized it. She testifies about it. And then she tells us about the tribulations, the times of sorrow, the times, the tough times she goes through daily now. And you'll understand why she has this daily now. But she rejoices in her testimony and she rejoices in her infirmities because in her weakness, she is now strong through our Savior, Jesus Christ. So I hope you enjoy it. It's about 10 minutes long. And just enjoy what she has to say. Listen to it and give us your feedback. I was brought up in an Italian Catholic family. We all had big personalities. My dad worked three jobs to support us and my grandfather filled in like a dad to us. He was a big influence in my life. When I was seven years old, my grandfather took me into the backyard and taught me how to pitch and play softball. And I loved it. I played softball, volleyball, basketball, football, you name it, and I played it. And my grandfather was my cheerleader. He encouraged me at every turn. When I was 14 years old, my grandfather suddenly died. We were all devastated. I remember watching him take him out in a body bag and I just didn't understand. It was the first time I had faced death. I was angry. I told God I hated him. And I was instantly sorry for saying such a thing. And I told God I was sorry. But I continued to feel guilty because deep in my heart I thought I had committed the unpardonable sin. Life went on and I continued to play softball. I was offered a scholarship for college. I had everything going for me. I was well liked. I made MVP and Golden Glove my freshman year. I excelled at everything. I made All-City and then finally my dream was coming true. I was invited to play on the Women's Olympic Trial Team. Fresh out of college, I got a job in the medical field. I really loved it. I always wanted to help people and I was doing exactly that. Everything was going great. I met Michael in my early 20s. He was funny and affectionate. We had rocky moments in our relationship, but in 1996 we finally married and I thought I had it all. I had a new husband, a great job, a house, a car, my softball, money, the hopes for a future family, and my health, or so I thought. One day at work I was drawn to patient's blood and I passed out. I got up and thought nothing of it. I was an athlete, a 27-year-old healthy young woman. A few days later it happened again and this time I felt a flutter in my chest like my heart was coming out of my chest. I went to see the cardiologist and he examined me, told me my exam was normal, but he asked me was there any chance that I could be pregnant. Excitedly I said yes, and I was excited, but I didn't know my perfect world was about to change forever. That flutter in my heart was not a baby. It was a life-threatening arrhythmia called ventricular tachycardia. My heart was beating 280 to 300 beats a minute erratically and they rushed me to the hospital. I was put in CCU and my life just became a whirlwind from there. My doctors told me I needed to have a defibrillator implanted in my chest. They said I could just flatline and die. One doctor said I should be dead 10 times over with all the sports and exercise I was doing. I was just devastated and things just kept getting worse because of the life-threatening arrhythmia. I was told I couldn't drive anymore. I wasn't allowed to exercise anymore. I couldn't work and the final blow came when the doctor said that I couldn't have children. That it would kill me or the baby or both. And it got worse. My marriage started to decline for various reasons. It ended. So now I lost my husband, my home, my job. I had no money. I had nothing. I felt abandoned. I felt like I lost my identity. I didn't know who I was anymore. And at the same time, my mother was sick and dying. I didn't think it could get any worse. I had just lost everything and now I was losing my mother. I just wanted to be left alone. I was so depressed, sad, angry, so bitter, hurt. I told God I didn't want any friends and my heart grew hard and walls went up. It was then I received a call from my cousin Marianne asking me if I could fix her computer. I said yes and she came over. As I began working on her computer, she started telling me about Jesus and I remember looking at her surprised and I told her, I know God? Why would she tell me about Jesus? She went on and told me that Jesus loves me and died on the cross for me and he said that we're all sinners in need of a savior and all I had to do was ask Jesus to forgive me and ask him to save me. My cousin told me about this TV show that I could watch and learn about God. I remember laying in bed that night just feeling so broken, so hopeless. My thoughts were spinning out of control. I turned on the TV and there was this woman praying just talking to God like a friend and I began praying and crying and I asked Jesus for the first time to please help me, to forgive me, to come into my heart. I knew I needed God in my life. I thought I was in control of my life and I realized I was not. Things didn't change right away but I began to feel better mentally. All the chaos in my head was calming down and I continued to pray. I found an apartment in my cousin and my sister and my niece helped me to move there and my cousin had invited me to a woman's event at church and I heard things about God that I've never heard before. I heard things about his love and forgiveness, about his goodness and faithfulness, how God loves us right where we are. One speaker was talking about how we carry our troubles around with us everywhere we go like carrying a backpack full of rocks and she gave a beautiful example of walking down a trail and picking up a pebble or a rock for each of her troubles, struggles or burdens. She'd place it in her backpack and continue down the trail and as she walked it would get heavier and heavier making it harder for her to walk and soon it weighed her down and it became so heavy she just couldn't go on anymore. So she sat down by the water and one at a time took the rocks out and threw it into the water giving that problem, that burden, that struggle to God. Guilt, shame, anger, fear. She said God wants us to give him all of our troubles, to lay them at his feet, to cast all our cares and worries upon him. He loves us. She went on and held up this pretty pink heart and she said, isn't this all of us? And I remember smiling saying, yep, that's me. And she put it on the floor and she stomped on it and then she picked it up and she tore it in half broken in two pieces and she says, but isn't this really us? Broken, stepped on, abused, hurt, beaten down, abandoned. I was fighting back tears. That was me and I knew it. I knew God was speaking to me through her and all the thoughts and the chaos in my head was gone and I heard the words in my head, you're home. That Sunday, March 25, 2012, I truly told God I was sorry for all my sins and I wanted to live my life for him. I asked Jesus to come into my heart and help me be the person he created me to be. So I went from losing everything that I thought was important and it seemed like I had nothing but I gained everything in and through Jesus Christ. God has blessed me with unspeakable joy and peace. He's healed my brokenness, restored my heart, helped me to see my sin and enabled me to forgive. He truly set me free. I was afraid of dying. I didn't know what would happen if I died and it scared me but I began reading the Bible and I learned what God promised us and he said the only way to the Father is through the Son Jesus. He says even though you die, you live. Jesus says perfect love casts out fear and he is perfect love. As time goes on, my heart condition progressed. I have heart failure and had to go for a heart transplant evaluation. They said I have a rare undiagnosed disease that's attacking all of my organs. My heart, my lungs, liver, ears, eyes, nose, throat. They have me listed as having 23 different diseases and to top it off they found a tumor. A brain tumor pressing down on my brain stem. They said it's too risky to operate and I was told by the doctors I'd probably be dead in two years. This January makes three years and oh glory to God I'm still here. He sustains me and helps me to stand each and every day. It's hard and very frustrating to have no clear answers. I get sick a lot. I'm in pain. I'm on oxygen in and out of hospitals and I'm on a lot of medications. I'm exhausted but my heart still belongs to God. I thank Jesus so much for everything he's done. He amazingly made me content in all my struggles. Jesus healed my brokenness and gave me a new heart filled with his love and light to share with everyone he puts in my path. I may not be healed physically but God has certainly healed me spiritually. It's by God's grace that I'm still alive and my hope remains forever in him. My name is Amanda. This is how God forever changed my life and it still is. I'm his work in progress. Thank you Jesus. Therefore we do not lose heart though outwardly we are wasting away yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day for our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen for what is seen is temporary for what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4 16-18 Wow, what a wonderful testimony. I did a little more research on it and first let me give credit where credit is due. It's from Forever Changed Ministries on YouTube and we know that that testimony was filmed five years ago and I'm not sure I haven't been able to find out if she's still with us but glory to God for that testimony. When she thought she had everything she had nothing and as her life fell apart and she found herself searching for help and guidance and love she got it from our Savior Jesus Christ. Hallelujah. And that was wonderful. She read 2 Corinthians 4 16-18 That's her motto. That's what she stands by. The Lord is her refuge forever and ever. So friends, if you're down if you're going through times of trouble if you're in mourning if you've just lost a loved one Christians know it. They know the Lord is there for us. Pray every day. Go to the Lord in prayer when you need Him. Go to the Lord in prayer when you think you don't need Him. Read your Bible. Fellowship with other Christians. And just before we close friends, if you're lost my hope and if you listen to this testimony she said she always had hope. Her eternal hope. Because she had God. Once she found God and was saved, that's what she had. Well friends, if you don't know Him, you have that opportunity now. For when you close your eyes in death you will no longer have that opportunity. I'm not here to scare you. I'm here to tell you that God loves you. I love you. And all I want is for you to be saved. And begin your relationship with our Savior, Jesus Christ. Thank you friends for joining us. I hope you enjoyed this testimony today just as much as we enjoyed giving it to you. And we look forward to our next testimony of the goodness of God. And remember stay blessed.