Episode 5: Wax on Wax F#$% Off

The hosts of the podcast discuss what makes them feel pretty. Fifi talks about doing a full face of makeup and struggling with lip crust. Embalm talks about committing to skincare and the importance of exfoliation. They then discuss the easiest places to get waxed, including eyebrows, legs, and the butthole. They joke about their experiences and discuss the pain levels. They also mention the possibility of bleaching the asshole and discuss the color of nipples and other body parts. This is my favorite silence, this is my favorite silence. Okay, welcome back to the I Feel Pretty Podcast with Fifi and Embalm. Is that really what we're going to go by? What? Fifi and Embalm. Uh, yeah. Uh, yeah. Uh, yeah. Okay, Fifi, what's one thing recently that helps you feel pretty? Um, one thing recently that helps me feel pretty is doing a full face. Doing a full face. A full beat. A full beat down on my face. Beat down. Beat down. No. A full beat down. But I love, I like doing my makeup a lot, that always makes me feel prettier. Um, my lips right now are pale, but the rest of my makeup's good. The rest is good. Um, but yeah, I'm also a lipstick girly. I want to be a lipstick girly so bad, but I get the lip crust something awful on that bottom lip, and I just, I can't figure out how to get rid of it. My lip crust right now is immaculate from traveling. I do all the things, and it's still always there anytime I wear lipstick. Like, look at that. Ooh, that looks painful. Yeah. Crusty crust. Yeah. No way. It's because I kept licking my lips, and they were getting burnt in the hot Florida sun. Because you were putting ointment on it, magnifying the sun's rays to your lips. I need my ointment, goddammit. I need my ointment. I need my ointment. Baby needs her ointment. Ew. Gross, hon. Come on. Alright. One thing that has been making me feel pretty, I guess I would say, committing to skin care. Ooh, that's a good one. Because there were years where I did not ever wash my face. It be like that sometimes. Now I'm a changed woman. Sometimes, you gotta be a dirty bitch. Like, sometimes you gotta feel like that one music video of Kesha. From ages 16 to, I would say, 22. I was a crusty, dirty bitch. You were giving, wake up in the morning feeling like B-Ditty. There were years in beauty school where I literally went out, partied, and came into school with the same face I had on from the night before. Oh, I know that. My poor skin. I know you had eye boogers. I had eye boogies. I had flakies under there. There was no exfoliating happening. I was a little hung. A little bit hung over. It was a good time, though. Fun time, I'm sure. And then you prepare and do it all again. Yes. And now I'm in bed by 9.30, 10 o'clock. I have my 10-step skincare routine. And a fun thing that happens when you get over, I would say, probably the age of 27 is the skin turnover really slows down. You've gotta exfoliate so much more often. It's not fun. I see. So, I'm trying to get in the retinol game. That's maybe what'll make me feel pretty next time. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. My skincare, I used to do a lot more with it. But I do have, like, a face wash and a moisturizer and, like, a serum or two. I just keep it... Serum. I need my serum. I need my serum. We won't talk about that. That's a different story for today. That's a different story. Okay, are you ready for today's show? Oh, yes. This is gonna be a good one. Everyone's gonna eat this shit up. The best and worst places to get waxed. I have been waxed before in multiple places. And so have you. So, we are great candidates for this. We can tell you all about it. All right. Let's start with what I think are the easiest places to get waxed and why. Yeah. Hands down, your eyebrows are easy. Yeah, the brows aren't bad. I feel like they're easy because most of us start waxing our eyebrows at, like, what? When did you first wax your eyebrows? Yeah. Like, 13, 14? Yeah, probably when I was, like, 14, I would say. I mean, I guess, like, for everyone, because I have very fine, thin blonde hair. If I had more coarse hair, I'm sure it would be more painful. But it's a very... It's a generally small area. It's, like, three or four, like, rips and it's over. Yeah. The only thing that hurts like a bitch could be the underneath sometimes. It's a real area. Yeah. But I think because you've been doing it for so long. As, like... A woman. As a woman, I feel like... I think I've been doing it since I was, like, 13. Yeah. So, that's, what? 20 years? Ew. Almost 20 years. Waxing my eyebrows. So, I'm just kind of, like, you know, desensitized to the pain at this point of the eyebrow. Yeah. And I will say, threading your eyebrows, in my opinion, is fucking awful. I don't know how people do it. Yeah, that's because it, like, grabs there and, like, twists it out. Oh, I did it one time and I literally, like... It felt like tweezing, but on steroids. It was so fast and painful. And then I remember... I'm, like... I remember I'm, like... Tweezing, but on steroids? It was so awful. No! I remember I'm, like, laying in the chair and the Indian woman that's doing it is, like, Oh, are you okay? And I sat up and I was, like, dizzy and my eyes were, like, pouring water. Oh, no! I don't... If you thread your eyebrows, I don't know how you do it, man. A lot of people swear by it. I know. I think it looks clean. It looks really nice. But, in my opinion, ten times more painful than waxing. Yeah. The next easiest place, I think, is your legs. I haven't had my full leg done. I might be a pussy bitch. But I also don't have thick, coarse leg hair. Yeah. We both have very, like, thin, fine, blonde leg hair. If it's giving, like... Italian. Yeah. Maybe different. Yeah, for sure. But, even so, they're pretty, like, I don't know, they're pretty big rips. And if you're going to, like, somebody, like an esthetician, they usually use the hard wax for it. Yeah. So that, I feel like, makes it a lot easier than, like, ripping the strips. Yeah. I think it depends with, like, hard wax and soft wax, which might be better. I'm not, like, a full-time esthetician, so I'm sure people know a lot better with me. But, like, um, I feel like sometimes the hard wax fucking hurts because they gotta rip that little, like, lip up first. The tab. Rip the tab up and then rip it, whereas, like, soft wax is just one rip. So, I think it depends on the person what would be better. Yeah. Or maybe the area, too. But I just don't feel like the legs are a super sensitive area. No, probably not. Overall. I don't think they're that bad. And then, last place I think is the easiest one. Kind of controversial hot take here. I was most nervous for this, but it was, I didn't even feel like anything. I'm so excited. The butthole. The asshole is the easiest thing to get waxed if you get your Brazilian, in my personal opinion, and in Embal's personal opinion. It doesn't hurt as bad as you think it is gonna hurt. It only hurts your ego. Being on all fours with your ass up in the air and some poor waxer in there. But other than that, like, physically? No, we're fine. We have good assholes. It doesn't even hurt. My legs are wax bald. Mine's not right now. I need to get wax bald. My butthole is hairy right now. Hairy assholes. 2024. Gotta get that taken care of. Do you remember the first time you realized your asshole was hairy? Oh my god, yes. So why? I was like, no fucking way. I was so distraught. I was distraught, too. I felt like a hairy beast. Yes! A hairy beast! I didn't know what was wrong with me. And I was so self-conscious. I was like, nobody can ever know that I have a hairy asshole. I didn't know you even got hair in the asshole. Did you ever get scared to, like, put your razor down there because the, like, balloon knot is, like, squinched? This is how fucking, like, naive I am sometimes. I didn't even know that was an option until Irwin told me it was. Oh my god! I never even thought to put a razor up there. No, I remember, well, that's kind of how I realized that there might be some hair down there. Because I put the razor down there, and I put it up, and I said, oh my god, they're so long! And they look! They're so long! What? It's because, like, who looks at their own ass? I mean, I guess people do look at their own ass. I don't look at my own asshole. But when I first realized there was hair, and then that it was so long, I was distraught. Yeah. I was unprepared for that. It's a lot. It's a hard realization. But getting it waxed? Not bad at all. Pain-free? Not bad at all. Like I said, the most painful part is you either have to lay on your back and pull your knees to your stomach for them to get in there, or get on all fours and put your ass up in the air. No more dingleberries 2024. Waxed asshole only. A freshly waxed asshole for 2024. Oh my god. My freshly waxed asshole. You know they do bleaching. Would you ever get your asshole bleached? My asshole isn't dark already. You know it's not? Yeah. I don't know if mine is. You've seen it. Is mine dark? No, not really. Do I have a brown eye? Do I need bleach? I never want to hear you say brown eye again. Oh my god. Ew. You're supposed to be my bestie. Do I need a bleach? No. I think your asshole's a fine color. I just think mine is very light. But your nipples are light, right? Yes. Like my nipples. My nipple? And my asshole is also pre-bleached. No, I'm just kidding. I'm jealous. No. That would be an interesting thing. Are your nipples the same color as your asshole? Like is that like a universal truth? I heard like your nipples are the same color as like your internal like labias, like your lips. Really? Yeah. I heard that from someone. And I heard also that's all the same color as your lips too. Like your lips on your face. Your facial lips. Matching. Your coochie lips. Oh god. I mean, which I don't know how that's a thing because some of that shit never sees the light of day. But it is dark already. Unless you go to that nudist coconut resort that we saw. The Grotto. Hell yeah. No. No. You're chilling in a hot tub and then like a creepy couple comes up to you and they're like, hey. Like your nipples. Hey, I dig your nips. I like your nips. Ew. What are you doing later? Uh, nothing. What are you doing at this nudist resort? Thought it'd be fun. God. I did want to go to that resort until we looked at the website. The photos. It was the photos for me where I was like, wow. Like they're really just nudes chilling out at the Grotto. Yeah. It's a bunch of old people. Like, dicks wet. 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