EP 5

The transcription is a conversation between two friends, Sophia and Ava, on a podcast. They discuss their friendship and how they became close in college after not talking in high school. They mention the concept of the "invisible string theory" and how their friendship is an example of it. They also talk about themselves and their current lives. The main topic of the podcast is whether nice guys finish last in relationships. They discuss the importance of boundaries and the balance of masculine and feminine energy in a relationship. They conclude that it's not about being nice, but about finding the right person who respects boundaries and brings the right energy to the relationship. Hello, and welcome back to From Love Podcast. I'm your host, Sophia Senni, and today we have a long-awaited guest. Hey, guys. It's Ava, Sophia's friend that we... Oh, my God. I'm sorry, Sophia. I can't. Okay, okay, okay. You have to cut that. No. Okay, Sophia's friend, we beat the middle school, and then we never spoke to each other in high school, and then became inseparable at college. It was a really weird trope. We call it the invisible string theory. Clearly, this is my first time talking, but I'm learning slowly but surely. English is not her first language. No, it's not. She's actually from... I've gotten this far before. They look me up on Instagram, like, this is not from Afghanistan. They're like, not. Go to UCF. She's definitely from America. Is there anything you want to tell the audience before we start? Oh, gosh. About yourself, your financial status, your... Oh, God. That would be a bad one, financial status. I'd just be making fun of myself on the podcast. I am Ava. I'm 21. I go to UCF. Yeah, you know, grown-ass woman, not really, though. I'm sorry. I can never take anything seriously. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, I go to UCF. I'm going into my senior year. Um, yeah, nothing really exciting. Like, just your average lady, you know. Regular. Yeah, regular schmegula. But, um, yeah, I'm really excited to be on a podcast. I know. Except I'm tweaking, hearing myself talk. No, it's okay. I kind of do want to introduce the Woody McCullough, or talk about the... What is it? Invisible clear string theory? Invisible string theory. Invisible string theory. Okay, so me and Ava are very much the invisible string theory fucking friendship, because we did have this beef in fifth and middle school, and then we, like, were friends in high school, but we weren't, like, friends. Like, we didn't, like, hang out. I feel like acquaintances. Like, we'd pass each other, and, like, it was a hello, but, like, really would never have a conversation if we didn't have to. Like, commenting on each other's Instagram pictures, like, other than that. Definitely. Other than that, y'all, y'all want to see this conversation? Yeah, like, if we saw each other in the grocery store, like, it would not be a hello. Like, it probably would have been real quiet. But, and then... So, she ended up going to UCF, as she said, and then I ended up going. I stayed at FGCU, and I don't know. I feel like I would, like, always just be, like, oh, you're back in town. Like, let's, like, go to the pool or something. So, then we'd, like, here and then, like, hang out, but, like, nothing crazy, and then I don't even know what happened. One day, we just, like, started hanging out, and, like, it just, like, stopped. No, it was all you, because you asked me to hang out, and I was, like, yeah, like, why not? Like, you know, I'm home for the summer, and, like, you were so good about reaching out. I feel like you're, like, that would, like, anyways, but, like, you were super good about reaching out, and we were at the pool, and, like, you were, like, oh, do you want to come to Taco Tuesday later? And I was, like, like, me, like, a year ago, probably, like, not me a year ago now. I'm saying me a year ago when I met you, or, like, hung out with you, whatever. I would have been, like, probably not, whatever, and I was, like, why not? Like, I'll just go, and then we ended up, like, just kind of clicking, and, like, hanging out, and it kind of just, like, took off from there, I feel like, so. Yeah, no, but, like, it's so funny, though, because we really have, like, ever since I moved to Florida, like, you have always been, like, around. We just never had that, like, clicking moment, and then when life wants it to work out. It works out. No, definitely. I feel like we were also just in, like, different, like, paths in our life in high school. Like, we were just, like, different people than we are now, so I feel like it only makes sense that we're, like, really good friends now, because, like, we're on that, like, kind of same wavelength, I feel like. Yeah, no, I was crazy in high school. I was not crazy. I know, we're, like, opposites in high school, I feel like. Literally. We literally were, though. But, yeah, I just wanted to tell you guys that, because the invisible string theory is real, and we are your friendship to testify for it. Yes, I feel like a lot of people see that, too, with, like, just, like, like, romantic relationships, but definitely with friendships, too. Like, it does, it shines through, definitely, with friendships. But, anyways, to get into today's topics, we are gonna, our main topic today is going to be, do nice guys finish last, because everybody always says, nice, okay, this is really off topic real quick, but when I was younger, me and my brothers, we used to watch this music video. This guy is named Chester C. You can look it up on Google or YouTube, and he made a music video, and it's like, nice guys finish last, why I'll treat you like trash, and we listened to that every single day. No way. Yeah, we bonded over it. Why do I not know that? I was, like, chronically online as a kid. I'm gonna have to show you later, not right now, but. Please, definitely. Literally, that ran my life. Thank you. Thank you. Why I'll treat you like trash. Okay. It's like this whole fucking song. It's amazing. But, anyways, go check it out, YouTube, Chester C. Free promo. But, anyways, do you think that nice guys finish last? I feel like that's such a broad question, because I feel like, no, there's no specific time that's like, okay, at 30 years old, everyone becomes normal, and we all get along, and whatever, but kind of, yes. I feel like, also, a lot of guys grow into being nice guys, and it's like, when you find someone, the timing, everything, I feel like, kind of, yes and no. Like, I feel like I could go both ways. I feel like my, like, two cents on, like, the do nice guys finish last, I feel like it's not nice guys that finish last. It's, like, guys with no, like, boundaries. You know what I mean? Like, unfortunately, the nice guy, quote, unquote, nice guy, is normally the guy that, like, doesn't set boundaries, that, like, lets people walk over him, lets people take advantage of him, and it's, like, you can be nice, and have boundaries, and, like, they'll be successful in your relationships, but I feel like the, quote, unquote, nice guy that everybody's talking about is just that guy that doesn't know how to stand up for himself, and, like, what girl wants to be with a guy who's, like, no, Susie, I don't want to pay for your dinner tonight. Like, you guys are like, Susie, I'm broke, like, I'm not paying for your dinner. First of all, Susie, then you gotta leave, like. No, but I feel like, also, that, like, really plays into, like, the masculine and feminine energy, and that's something that I, like, am so heavy on, is, like, the nice guy, he might be, like, amazing, right? Like, he is, like, such a sweetheart, whatever, but, like, does he put you in your feminine energy, you know? Like, he takes charge, like, he knows what's up, like, I almost feel like, not to sound, like, stupid, because who knows, but, like, it's, like, the right guy finishes last, you know? Like, you end up with the right guy, like, you know? And that's also different for, like, each girl, and, like, what they want, or guy is supposed to, but, um, you know, like, I just feel, like, it's all about, like, that energy that a guy brings to the table, you know? Because, like, it's that guy with boundaries that, like, knows what he's doing, and, like, you know, takes charge, but, like, knows when to take charge, and not, like, overtake charge, too, you know? Right. No, I agree, because I also feel, like, the feminine and the masculine energy is super important, because it's, like, it's true, like, why would you want to be with a guy that puts you in your masculine energy, like, where you have to be, like, defensive, you have to go, like, take care of him, like, tons, stuff, yeah. Like, I saw a video on TikTok, and it was, like, this girl, I think on a podcast, and she was, like, talking about it, and she was, like, I want a guy who, like, makes me feel like a woman, like, you know? Like, I, like, can, like, turn my brain off and be around him, and, like, one, I'm, like, safe, but, like, he, like, leads me in the right direction, and, like, if I'm, like, like, have no senses, and I'm just turning my brain off, like, he puts me in the right place, and I'm, like, that is so true, though, because you need a guy like that, you know? Yeah. And each guy's different, but. I love that, though, because I love going, like, with my guy friends, I love going on, like, airplane mode, and I'm, like, all right, like, they're going to figure it out, like, I mean, if I have to chime in, I will, but, like, obviously, I'm not, like, do all the second week, but, like. Right, right. It's nice to, like, if you're in an airport with somebody, it's nice knowing that your partner is going to get you to your freaking gate. Right, right. And, like, you're not going to miss your flight, where, like, when you're with somebody where it's, like, okay, like, I have to literally schedule his whole itinerary for him, tell him where to go, call him and remind him to be there, like. Right, right. Am I your mom, or am I, like. Right. Your girlfriend, or, like, whatever, like, potential love interest. I love that comparison, the airplane mode is actually so good, like, that is so, that is such a good example. Because, like, also, I feel like people overlook, too, is that, like, it doesn't have to be, like, I still want to take care of the guy I'm with, like, in, like, loving, like, gestures, but, like, I don't want to have to feel like I'm, like, his mom, like you said, like, I don't want to be, like, your mom, like, I want to do cute little girly things and, like, cute, sweet things for you, I just want to do, like, the heavy, like, masculine things, like, exactly. I really like that airplane mode. Yeah, I feel like, also, like, a guy who's in their masculine energy wants to, like, protect you, but you're going to be, they're going to protect you, and you're going to nurture them, you know what I mean? Yes, yes. They're going to go to work, and whatever, and I mean, like, you can obviously have your job, too, but they're going to come back, whatever, and after a long day, like, you might, like, cook dinner for them, you might have, like, a day planned for them, like, there's different ways to, like, nurture, but, yeah, I mean, I don't know, I feel like a lot of guys have, like, tapped out of their, like, masculine energy, and now it's, like, babe, like, you want me to, like, what, like, cuddle you, like, make you, like, make you breakfast, like, should I put in a heart shape, too, like, because I'm your fucking mother? Right, right, like, and it's totally, it totally is, like, taking control on, like, things, like, I, when I go on a date with someone, like, I want you to take control, like, I want you to tell me when I'm supposed to be there, I want you to tell me where we're going, like, what I need to wear, and I, like, want you to, like, make it, like, like, if you're, like, you, you know, like, if I'm, like, oh, let me plan a date, of course, like, I'm gonna step in, but, like, for a guy, you know, when you're, like, talking to a girl, I feel, like, usually it's always, like, well, where do you want to go, like, what time do you want to meet, like, you know, it's, like, no, I, like, tell me when, you know. That makes me not want to go on a date, like, when I'm talking to a guy, and he's, like, oh, like, I want to take you out, da-da-da-da, and I'm, like, okay, where, and they're, like, well, where do you want to, bitch, if I fucking wanted to plan a date with you, I would have been the one to ask you, but if you're asking me, right, then you should be, like, okay, like, even, like, if it's not the best idea, throw something out there, at least, but when guys are, like, that just makes me feel, like, you don't even, like, want to go on a date with me for the right reason, right, because the right, like, if a guy wants to, like, go on a date with you because they want a potential relationship with you, they're going to be, like, hey, I had this idea, I feel like it'd be really cool to let me know what you think, but I feel like when a guy just wants to sleep with you, and they want to take you out just to, like, see if they can get on you, get in your pants, they're going to be, like, oh, like, whatever you want, like, I'm okay with, like, whatever you want to do, oh, here, I don't, like, let me know what time you can, and I'll let you know, like, totally, yeah, and, like, there's no effort, like, I feel like it's so, like, guys are simple creatures, like, really, at the end of the day, like, we can overcomplicate it in our heads, but, like, at the end of the day, they're simple creatures, for sure, and, like, sitting there and being, like, you know, he, like, isn't taking charge, he isn't, like, initiating seeing you and stuff, and, like, it's only seeing you when it's convenient for him, like, definitely trying to, like, get in your pants, and then, like, the guy that's, like, walking in and, like, taking you and showing you, like, what he wants to do and, like, you know, let's go on this date, let's go here, let's do whatever, and then, like, at the end of the day, like, he's really there for, like, you and, like, you're, like, who you are as a person. I also, I wish I had the video pulled up, but I was listening to a podcast or a video, and, fuck, the, I think it was, like, the girl had asked somebody, like, something about, like, oh, my gosh, I'm losing my train of thought, this is so bad, I always do this. No, you're fine. But she was, like, I don't know, asking about, like, signs if a guy's, like, actually into you and, like, basically saying, like, oh, like, if they only hit you up, like, after certain hours, like, if they only put effort in certain times, like, and I feel like a lot of the time, it's, like, guys will do, like, that love bomb thing where they, like, put effort in first, and then, like, they start to, like, trinkle down and, like, totally start pulling away a little bit, and that's when it becomes, we've talked about this, that's when it becomes addicting, yes, because then you get addicted to, like, the up and down, yep, but a friend of mine actually sent me this video, it was funny enough, the guy that sent me this video was actually some fucking jackass that was playing me, so props to you, because now you're in the video, but he sent me a video, and it basically said, like, sometimes hard things, or, like, things that you don't have access to, don't, like, that doesn't mean that it's more valuable, it just means that it's harder to access, and I was, like, that's so real, though, because for me, at least, I know, like, a lot of times I fall into, like, this, like, pattern where I'm, like, I want things that I can't have, so if somebody's, like, showing me attention, and they're showing me interest, but then they, like, pull back, I'm, like, oh, I can't have it, so now I want to, like, prove myself, and I don't know if that's, like, daddy issues or what that is, but it's real, though, but I always think about that video, because I'm, like, is it actually valuable, or is it my ego, like, trying to open, like, a door that has nothing behind it, right? I feel like, also, I just love that you brought up egos, because I feel like egos are literally the death of us, like, it's so bad, because I totally didn't, like, look at it until I was in a situation that I, like, had to, like, take a step back, and, like, look at, like, you know, my ego, and, like, the people around me, and whatever, and I just feel like egos are such, like, the death of love, you know, like, we're literally put on this earth to love people, and, like, our egos get in the way of that so badly, and, like, that goes for both ways, you know, like, I can totally say I've been ego-driven, like, so many times, and, like, I look back, and I'm, like, gosh, I totally could have handled this, like, differently, and whatever, but, um, at the end of the day, like, our egos just get in the way of everything, you know, and I totally think that it's just sad. I know, I, I know, we, like, in our notes, I wrote, um, when people play games, they are trying to preserve their ego rather than making connections with somebody, and that's so true, because it's, like, when you're, like, playing games with somebody, it's, like, you're trying to, like, save your feelings, and I've been, like, guilty of it, too, like, there was a time in my life where, like, I would only want to Snapchat one guy, but I, like, didn't know how he was going to react to, like, whatever I was saying or whatever, so I'd send that Snapchat that I was sending him to, like, whoever else was, like, Snapchatting me at the time, and I'd be, like, okay, like, we'll see whoever, like, responds, like, da-da-da-da-da, and because I'm, like, I was so scared that his response was going to be negative, so I was, like, okay, well, at least I'll have, like, the cushion of, like, the other people on Snapchat, yeah, even though I only wanted, like, a response from him. Yeah, no, totally. I also feel, like, we, like, I always am, like, trying, because, like, I'm the same way, like, I've totally been guilty of, like, being in the same position, like, playing games, letting my, like, feeding into my ego, and I'm always, like, taking a step back, and I'm, like, what if I just didn't, you know, like, what if it just worked out, what if I just, like, let my ego aside, and, like, it just worked out, you know, like, your ego is, like, preventing you from, like, things that could be so great, maybe also preventing you from things that could be bad, you know, like, your ego might play a part that's, like, beneficial to you at some point, but, like, in the long run, like, you know, it doesn't hurt to be, like, a good person, and, like, put your ego down, you know, and, like, whatever, but, I mean, it's hard to tell, too, because it's, like, you never really know until you become vulnerable with somebody, and then, like, the ego is, like, so preventative of, like, intimacy or whatever, so it's, like, especially, like, with, like, matters of, like, love or whatever, I feel like that's the hardest part, because it's, like, everybody's, like, I don't want to get rejected, like, I don't want to be embarrassed, like, no bitch wants to be, like, the girl that ends up in the guy's group chat being, like, he's so obsessed with me, like, she likes me so much, but sometimes you have to be the girl that's, like, listen, I like you, and, like, whatever, and if he goes, and he's, like, chirping in his group chat, then, like, that is not your man, like, that's literally so childish of him in the first place, but, like, yeah, like, I feel like that causes a lot of people to, like, not say what they want to say, but then it just, like, keeps you stuck in, like, a situation that you don't want to be in anyway. Totally. It's, like, a societal standard, you know, like, everyone's, like, fear of rejection and everything, and I agree, I think there's also, like, a point with, like, you know, like, self-preservation, like, you know, like, you're watching out for yourself and, like, feeding into your ego, you know, like, it's okay to, like, you know, not devote your heart and soul into a guy when you start liking him, you know, but it's also okay to, like, tell him you like him, and, like, you want to, like, see where things go, and, like, you're right, like, if a guy can't respond to that, like, appropriately, like, going into his group chat, like, or even just being disrespectful to you, like, not your man, like, that's not someone you want to be with anyways, you know, didn't deserve that love from you. I also, what I put in the, I put every girl, like, wants a nice guy, but it's also unfamiliar and it scares them, and there's this one psychologist, I can't think of her name right now, but she was literally saying, like, the traumatized person wants nothing more than to be loved, but, like, because, like, that her and, like, whatever is so familiar to them, it's not that, like, nice guys finish last, either, it's, like, sometimes, like, it's, like, the thrill of things, you know what I mean, like, the toxicity is, like, so normalized now, and, like, healthy relationships aren't really, like, I don't know, like, even on TikTok, it's, like, go get with his best friend, and everybody's, like, in the comments, like, hyping it up and whatever, so, I don't know, we live in a society where we, like, kind of glorify that kind of, like, toxic and, like, ego-driven behavior, so it's so easy and, like, normalized to stay in these toxic environments, like, and when you get somebody who's, like, good for you, you're, like, you kind of, like, it triggers your fight or flight because it's, like, then you're, like, oh, I need to put them through some tests, like, do they really like me, and I know, like, I've been with, like, a nice guy before or whatever, like, talk to a nice guy, and then I'm, like, giving him attitude or, like, doing things to see, like, test his limits, and it's, like, whereas if I were with, like, a shitty toxic guy, I wouldn't be putting him through those limits because it's, like, familiar, and it's, like, now I'm trying to prove myself to him rather than them proving them to me. Totally. I feel, like, also, like, it's so hard, too, because, like, exactly, like, testing guys and, like, trying to see, you know, like, almost, like, not, like, self-doubt, but, like, you're just, like, in the generation that we're in, like, same with, like, people creating, like, like, normalizing toxic behavior, they're also, like, normalizing it for, like, guys, too, and, you know, like, I don't know, like, I just feel like it's so easy to, like, challenge someone when you're talking to them, and if they react in, like, a toxic challenging way, it, like, almost makes you addicted to it, you know, like, the nice guy, like, he usually passes the test and, like, does it, you know, and, like, obviously, he's a nice guy, and, like, the toxic guys, like, they feed into it when you kind of want them to feed into it, you know what I'm saying, like, it kind of, it's so bad, but, like, it's so true. Yeah, I also feel like then, like, the quote-unquote bad guy, another thing is I feel like everybody knows that the bad guy, quote-unquote, isn't scared to lose you, right, like, he has that detachment, right, and, and he knows you'll come back, yeah, that's another thing, also, like, you can't expect something from somebody that, like, they don't, like, do for themselves, you know what I mean, like, if somebody says, like, oh, I'm gonna do, like, a diet, and then they go and turn around, they're cheating the first day, it's kind of, like, can you expect that person to, like, stay true to their word with you if they can't do that with themselves? Right, right, definitely, like, a form of, like, self-discipline, yeah, you know, yeah, but I do think that, like, with relationships in this generation, detachment is one of, like, the best ways to find somebody that's, like, truly your equal, because I feel like a lot of the time it's, like, like, I don't know, like, they will, like, say something, or, like, they'll give you attention, it kind of blurs, like, the lines for you, and then you're, like, you fail to realize that, like, that person isn't even the person that you would want to be with, like, in the end, and then you get them, and it's, like, now what? Right, right, right, once the chase is over, and that's another scary thing, too, is, like, you can feel that way, but there's a fear of them feeling that way, too, you know, like, it's, like, this back-and-forth chase, but, like, once you, like, walk in, like, are they still going to be interested, you know, and, like, it's so, it's so crazy to think that way, though, because I feel like, at least, like, for you and I, like, I feel like we're very, like, sure of ourselves, you know, like, we know what we stand for, we know who we are, and, like, no, like, guy is really going to, like, take away from that, but, like, at the same time, like, when you've been chasing back and forth for, like, however long, you're, like, you know, is he, you know, going to like me at the end of it, you know, and I bet you he feels the same way, like, I don't know, like, that's for guys to answer in the comments, like, yeah, but, like, I don't know, like, do you guys feel that way, too, like, do you, are you scared that she's not going to, you know, feel that same way, I don't know, but I heard this quote, and it was, like, the more women get involved with men, the more they start to love them, and the more comfortable men get with women, the more they, like, they get, like, meaner, and, like, obviously the wrong man, but, yeah, they show themselves, exactly, that's true, and I also feel like that's also true for women, true, because I feel like the more comfortable you get over time, it's, like, okay, well, like, I put up with this for, like, x amount of time, so, like, it's not necessarily meaner, but I feel like you start standing up for yourself, because it's, like, what am I doing here, like, you start to kind of, like, catch on, like, all right, this isn't moving anywhere, and we're, like, stuck in mud, and, like, I don't want to be like that anymore, right, but I agree, I don't know, I do feel like, I don't know, for me, because, obviously, like, we've all been, like, victim to, like, situationships, and, like, talking stages, and the wrong people, but I don't know, looking back on it, like, not, like, obviously, like, you need people, and you need human connection, but being secure with yourself, I feel like opened your eyes to a lot, because now that I feel like I'm a lot more de-attached to my environment, when a guy, like, texts me, and he's, like, oh, my God, like, also, we know, I feel like at this point, we all have examples in our heads of the Snapchat fuck boy, the guy who hypes you up, swipes up on all your stuff, and it's, like, good attention, but it's also, like, he's probably mass Snapchatting that same, like, hype up, he's sending it to, like, 20 other girls. Definitely. But, girl, I fall, I've fallen victim to the Snapchat fuck boy, because it's good attention, it's, like, reliable attention, and I have a theory that, like, I feel like the Snapchat fuck boy is normally, like, somebody that everybody knows, that, like, he's, like, a thot, and he's trying to get with, like, you and all, like, the girls in your friend group, but I feel like when girls, yeah, he furthers, he furthers. But when girls go out, and they're, like, drinking at the bar and whatever, and they need a ride home, or they need attention, or they, like, want a sneaky link or something, who's the safe and, like, old reliable? True. The Snapchat fuck boy. True. That's true. But when you're de-attached, I feel like it doesn't matter, like, where the attention is coming from, because you're, like, I mean, like, do I want attention from, like, this person? Probably not. Right. But de-attachment, I feel like, plays a big role in, like, deciphering, like, also there's nice guys who are, like, not independent, like, they're not in their masculine energy, and then there's fuck boys who are just scared to get hurt, but they're really good people. Yeah. And I feel like the more de-attached you are, the more you can start to pick up on, like, those signals. I agree. I totally agree. I was actually just about to say that. I was, like, you know, being de-attached is, like, honestly, I feel like a blessing, because, like, it just kind of, like, I feel like that's, like, where it comes in, like, self-preservation rather than ego, because you're, like, de-attached from the situation, but it also, like, being de-attached shows you a guy that you're, like, actually interested in, you know? Like, a guy that can, like, really, like, draw in your attention when you're in that, like, de-attached, like, state, kind of, is, like, you know, like, at least worth your time, a lesson of your time, you know? Like, he doesn't have to be, like, the right one or whatever, like, obviously we're 21, there's no rush, but, like, in the grand scheme of things, if you're detached and a guy kind of pulls you out of that, like, that's an experience that I feel like you should act on and, like, pursue, I feel like, at least in some realm. Exactly, because also, I feel like energy doesn't lie, but I feel like, again, like, the ego gets in the way a lot of that, but when you're de-attached and you're kind of, like, all right, I'm cool with myself, like, I don't need, like, attention from other people, I don't need to be going on dates, like, pay for my drink if you want, because, girl, who doesn't want their drink paid for? But also, if you're not going to pick up my tab, don't worry, I got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where was I going with that? I have no idea, but I feel like... You were cooking, though. Yeah, I was cooking. You kind of can kind of tell, like, okay, is, are we actually, like, on the same frequency, or is it my ego? And I feel like a lot of the time, also, de-attention kind of blinds you from, like, what questions is the guy asking you when they take you on a date? If they plan a date and they get you, are they asking you questions about, like, to get to know you? Right. Or are they letting you steer the conversation? You know what? One of my favorite conversations on the first date, it doesn't have to be deep, it doesn't have to be, like, you don't have to, like, align with how I feel about something, but I love when someone asks about religion, because I feel like that is something that, like, you don't, like, it doesn't have to be anything more than, like, you know, do you practice, or do you, you know, whatever. Or, you know, as a kid, did you, like, do something that was, like, more religious, like, based, or whatever? But I feel like when someone asks me that, they want to know me, you know? And, like, or just more of, like, asking about my friends, like, how, how do they act, you know, or wanting to meet my friends. I feel like that is, like, such a telltale sign that they want to be with you, not just, like, your body, or your, you know, whatever. Like, they want to be, they're there for you. Yeah, exactly. Because I also feel like, like, folk boys have, like, their script. They have a script, and they stick to it because it works. They glaze you. They glaze you. They glaze you. But I feel like a lot of those questions, like, no matter how good they are, they're all, like, super, like, surface level. Totally. And, like, I don't know. Totally. Like, I feel like it's such a, you know, gosh, what would be, what's, like, a good example of one? Like, I feel like, where do you, like, do you go out of, like, where do you go out the most? Okay, I feel like that's such a red flag. When a guy's, like, do you go out a lot? Yes. It's, like, you want to know if I go out a lot. Like, you picked me up, or we met up at this place. You're going to pay for my food, like, whatever. And you want to know if I go out a lot. Yeah. Yeah, he's trying to get his sneaky link. He's trying to prepare. He's preparing for his sneaky link. He's, like, this sneaky's going to get drunk at the end of the night and text me, what are you doing? Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nope. Yeah. Nope. Also, I love this topic because I have seen it in a lot of people, and I've also been this girl, whatever, the insecure girl. The insecure girl is going to get walked over a thousand fucking times over and over and over again. And also, with the whole thing about, like, history and whatever, and, like, the reliable person, don't let, like, history with somebody trap you into a routine because it's going to come to a point where you're going to be, like, oh, he's picking me, like, da-da-da-da, like, yeah, like, he talks to a lot of girls about the end of the night, like, he comes to my house, whatever, like, whatever we tell ourselves. But it's, like, is he picking you because he, like, likes you and you're special, or is he picking you because you're reliable, and he knows that you're always going to be there? Totally. And that's the thing, too, is, like, again, egos, yes, but, like, that is so, like, don't let him think you're that girl. Like, don't let him think you're accessible, and you're not. Like, you know, like, when you start believing that you're not accessible, you will not be accessible to them, and that's totally true, because we're, like, giggling, whatever, like, oh, like, Snapchat fuckboy, but, like, it's, like, almost like a different version for a girl is, like, the reliable girl, the good girl. Like, she's so sweet, and, like, you know, she believes there's something that could be, you know, something could come out of it, but, like, she's really just talking to the Snapchat fuckboy. Yeah, literally. It's just, like, reliable, like, I don't know. Totally. But, yeah, I don't know, that's, I feel like it just always goes back to, like, detachment and being, like, your own person, because also when you are that insecure girl, like, guys can fucking sniff that out, especially the fuckboys. They'll sniff that out like fucking canines, and the insecure girl is the perfect, perfect person for the fuckboy, because they know they're going to be able to manipulate you. They know they're going to be able to gaslight you. They're going to be able to get away with stuff, and they're still going to be able to come and lay in your bed, or you're going to come and lay in their bed at the end of the night. Totally. Totally. Whatever. It's so sad, too, because it's, like, you know that girl deep down, like, wants to, you know, has the right intentions and stuff, but, like, I love the saying, it's, like, girl stand up, like, because it's so true, like, sometimes, like, you got to snap into, like, like, stand up for yourself, like, be there for yourself, and once you start showing up for yourself, then, like, let people in, because when you're sure of yourself, then, you know, the right people come around eventually, but it takes time, too, like, no one talks about, like, I feel like social media is such a, social media, dating apps, whatever, is such a suffocating way to, like, go about things, because I feel like guys are not going up to girls anymore, you know, like, I don't feel like they approach them as much anymore, anything, because they're like, oh, I can find her Instagram, oh, I can, you know, add her on a dating app, whatever, like, swipe right, whatever, and it's just, like, guys don't, like, go up to you anymore, like, I saw this video, and it was, like, how many, like, pretty girls that you know have, like, you, like, however many guys you think have gone up to her, like, reduce that by, like, a quarter, because, like, no one approaches pretty girls anymore, I feel like, I don't know, like, stand at the bar and look at, like, guys will look at you, but, like, they won't, like, approach you, and I'm, like, that's, like, such a loss, too, you know, and also, it's, like, when you're, like, at the bar and whatever, you don't know a guy, but he keeps on looking you, and then you go home, and somehow he knows your Instagram, somehow you got a new follower, like, you literally saw me in person, but I also feel like girls feed into that issue, because it's, like, girls chase so much, and it's, like, why the fuck are you chasing, like, obviously, like, there's certain times where it's, like, okay, yeah, like, it's acceptable to chase, but for the majority of the time, like, why are you chasing a guy, like, if a guy truly wants to pursue you, he'll put forth the effort into coming up to you, starting a conversation with you, inviting you out, whatever, but, like, I agree, I feel like any more, like, like we said earlier, like, guys are simple creatures, like, if they like you, you'll know it, and that's why people are, like, if you don't know if he likes you, he probably doesn't, and I'm, like, that's so hard to hear, but so true, because if you're confused, then, like, there's probably a reason why, you know, because, like, I've been around guys that I know have liked me, and I've never questioned if they've liked me or not, you know, like, I'm, like, yeah, I know he likes me, and, like, if it didn't work out for one way or another, it's still, like, you know, you know, and, like, it's just hard when you have that, like, toxic guy that, like, goes back and forth and, you know, whatever, and you're addicted to it, but you also know, like, if you're questioning it, maybe he doesn't like you as much as you think. Yeah. So hard. No, the questioning part is so real, because I feel like, why, why should you be confused, like, genuinely, like, I know, I know when you're in a relationship with somebody, there can be rough patches, but outside, when you're, like, in those beginning stages, why should you be confused? Right. Why are you giving up your single life, like, whether that's, however you display your single life, whether that's with your girls, or getting drinks, or whatever. Yeah, yeah. But why would you give up, like, being free, like, doing whatever you want, like, living authentically for yourself, for somebody who doesn't even, like, treat you like they want you 100%. Right. I agree. I totally agree. It's hard, too, because, you know, like, we're so young, so it's like, like, if you're, like, making me feel like, ooh, like, maybe I want a relationship with you, like, you really have to be, like, a good person, you know, and, like, really, like, it's that part of your brain, or, like, even someone that you're spending, like, time with, you know, like, if I dedicate my time with you, like, you're obviously a special person, but it's just hard, because we're in a, like, learning stage in our life, where, like, you know, locking down seems nice, but it's also really scary, because a lot of people aren't as, like, I feel like guys are just mature at a later time in life, too, you know, which might be, like, kind of off, like, topic, or whatever, but I feel like guys mature a lot, like, later than women do. That's true. Also, like, I don't know if you've heard this, but, like, when guys, like, meet a girl, they put them in a box, and it's, like, the different boxes, and it's, like, I know I sent you that video with, like, several boxes, but just the top of my head, like, there's, like, the girl that's, like, the girl that is a perfect girl, like, I date her right now, a girl that I would, like, sleep with, but I wouldn't date her, and, like, also one of the boxes I remember was, like, the girl that is more advanced than him, whether it's, like, in the career, like, mentally, whatever, and you have to think about that, too, because I've had friends where it's, like, they've had guys, like, you're, like, oh, wait for me, da, da, da, da, if he's asking you to wait for him, it's because he doesn't want to commit to you, like, whether that's right now or, like, five months from now, like, you know what I mean? Like, imagine, like, sitting there and being, like, okay, yeah, like, I'll wait for you to commit to me, like, I'm not going to talk to anybody, and then, what, a year goes by, and he's, like, no, no, like, I just really am just not where I want to be right now. You become the person that, um, that's right for that person, like, when you want them, you know what I mean? Like, you make it work when you actually want it to work. Okay, this is a question that I feel like I want to hear your input is, do you believe in, like, right person, wrong time? Right person, wrong time? No. No? Okay, no, because right person, wrong time is literally a thing that people make up to make themselves feel better about choosing the wrong person. Real, that's crazy, that's, yeah, I understand, because if you think about it, like, I've heard stories about people meeting and whatever, and, like, when it's meant to be, like, life will literally put you in the most bizarre situations, they will put you, like, it will be, like, they knew a friend of a friend of a cousin of an aunt that knew a friend. Yeah. Like, yeah, when it's meant to be, it will work no matter what, and when it doesn't work out, then that was, like, your lesson. Right, true. The right person, wrong time, sometimes it has to go that way, and you find yourself later on, but I promise you, if the events would have been any different, then you wouldn't have ended up with that person. So, it's not wrong person, wrong time. I think everything happens exactly how it's supposed to, and I think when people are like, oh, right person, wrong time, that's just something that gets you stuck in the past, you know what I mean? Totally. Because now you're like, oh, like, we could have done this differently and that differently. Who said? Who said that if you would have brought him flowers, or not flowers, but if you would have cooked him a meal on this day, or have said this, then the outcome would have been different. It probably wouldn't have been, because when it's meant to be, it will be, it will work out. Totally. But I agree with my students, I don't know what you're saying. No, no, no, I totally agree with you completely, because, like, everything's a lesson, if it, you know, and like you said, like, if it happened at that time, like, there's a reason why it happened at a time. Girl, waterfall. I just spilled all my water on myself. I'm, like, looking, like, straight into your eyes as you, like, dribble water down your face. Oh my gosh, um, I, no, I agree with you, like, I feel like, totally, like, everything happens for a reason, I live by that, like, that is just something, like, a mantra that I will, like, apply to my everyday life, um, and gosh, I don't know what part, or, like, quote it is, but I swear that, like, I don't know the exact quote, but it's, like, something along the lines of, like, you can't mess up something that God's made for you, you know, like, and that's so true, like, you can't mess up something that's meant for you, and built for you, and, like, going to change the direction of your life, like, that is, you know, it's gonna work out in its own way, you know, it can end, but that's also the thing is, like, I feel like people look back at, like, old relationships or whatever, and they're, like, oh, it ended, like, you know, fuck them, whatever, but it's, like, maybe, yeah, like, it depends on who it is, but, like, at the end of the day, like, that's an experience you had, like, you were lucky to love someone like that, you know, like, that's how I look at a lot of, like, my past relationships, like, anyone I've been with, like, they've taught me something, and, like, made me into, like, the person I am today, even if I'm not with them, like, they have, like, built me up to become this person, also myself, but, like, you know, they're always, like, a little piece of you, everyone that you meet, like, even the people you, you know, just are friends with or whatever, but, yeah. I also feel like another thing that I wanted to bring up was, like, when people keep on trying to find, like, that same person that they lost and, like, other people, something that I was telling somebody the other day is, like, you're never gonna find the same person twice, not even in that person, totally, like, you know what I mean? Because, like, if you're the same person, like, five years down the road, then, like, low-key, like, what are you doing? Right, right, right. But I think that's important, too, because it's, like, you kind of have to let things go in the past, you know, like, if something doesn't work out, then it didn't work out for a reason, and those failures become lessons, and those lessons are going to make you into the person later down the road that is perfect for your person. I agree. I agree. And, yeah. I feel like that's so, no, I agree. I feel like that's such a, like, like, uh, what's the word? Grounding thought to have, you know? Like, it's, like, everything that's failed is a lesson, and it doesn't have to be, like, a negative, like, outlook in your life. I feel like that also, like, kind of dredges you into the past, like, you just dwell if you, like, look at everything as, like, a negative, bad experience, so. Yeah. No, I agree. Gosh, I was gonna look at our little note thing, because I feel like we have so much stuff on here that we just be yapping, I feel like. I know. Oh, I put the, you accept the love you think you deserve. Yes. And that's another thing. That's also, like, why the insecure girl is always going to end up with the fuck boy, because it's, like, also, like, obviously, like, when you, if you don't have a good relationship with, like, your father or, like, your mother and stuff, I feel like this also comes into play, because you don't know what a good relationship looks like, but you accept the love you deserve. Totally. And I think with, it's a good point that you bring up, like, your parents is, like, or, like, whoever you were raised by, or, like, you know, your childhood, like, how you were loved in your childhood really kind of developed into your adulthood, and you kind of search for, like, you know, like, you kind of, like, normalize patterns that maybe aren't normal, that, you know, like, through your childhood and stuff, but, um, I also, like, fellow daddy issue girl over here, um, I also feel like growing up that way, you also don't fall into that trap sometimes, you know, like, there's some, like, obviously, like, patterns and stuff that will play in from your childhood, but I feel like if you come out of it, like, stronger and knowing that, like, you know, you don't deserve, you know, that treatment, and, like, you really, like, kind of jump away as soon as you start seeing, like, the similar patterns that you might have seen, like, as a kid, so I don't know if that's, like, me yapping, but, like, you know what I'm trying to say. Like, you avoided that when you, like, yeah, like, I feel like you're, you, like, you know, like, I'm, just say any parent does something that you're, like, was absent or whatever, that, like, absent, like, style of loving, you might not even be interested in because you can, like, once you start noticing, like, you know, that that was wrong from your childhood, you start recognizing it when you're an adult and, like, not allowing it, if that makes sense. Like, setting a boundary, kind of, like, maybe growing up you, like, are used to it and then you kind of, like, grow out of it and, like, set a boundary for yourself. Yeah, I feel like, yeah, but I feel like a lot of people don't realize that until, like, they're, like, adults though because, like, it's definitely, like, trial and error because I feel like when you do have, like, somebody who's absent in your life, like, a father figure or whatever, like, a mother figure, I feel like most of the time it displays itself with, like, people trying to prove themselves, people trying to, like, chase after people and then you kind of have to, like, go through, like, those, like, bad boys to, like, get to a place where it's, like, like, why would I want to repeat the cycle, like, you know what I mean? Let's also normalize, like, going through the bad boys, like, it's okay, you know, like, I feel like there's a lot of, like, self-guilt when you're, like, God, why did I let them do me like that, you know, like, and I'm, like, I, like, I'll look back and I'm, like, okay, why did I allow that, like, that was not okay and then I'm, like, thinking, I'm, like, okay, like, I wouldn't have known that wasn't okay if it didn't happen, you know, and, like, you kind of have to go through, like, trials and tribulations of, like, okay, that wasn't right, I'm not going to tolerate that anymore, you know, and, like, oh, I like that from that person, I want to see that and maybe another partner because, like, I feel like there's, like, redeeming qualities from, like, your past that you want to bring into a partner if it's, like, being caring or, you know, attentive or kind or whatever but, yeah, no, I definitely think that. Yeah, it's, like, that TikTok sentence, like, if you have to, um, let it all burn or something. Yeah, then let it burn, yes. Like, true though, like, if you have to freaking crash out a little bit and go a little crazy. Go crazy. Go a little crazy but, I mean, once, I feel like once you're done, at least, like, as girls, I feel like when we're done, we're, like, done. Done, so true, like, once you get pushed up, it's so weird too because as, like, and I feel like it's really, like, only, like, I only feel like women do this. Like, I really don't feel like guys do this. I don't know if I'm wrong, obviously, but I feel like once a girl, like, a woman, girl, whatever, once they've been pushed to a point, like, there's no going back. But also because I've had friends in the past where they've been in really toxic relationships and I've had my other friends being, like, giving them advice and whatever and they get so angry. They're, like, they're not listening to me, like, they're not taking my advice. They ask for advice and they tell me about this and then I help them and they don't. But also, like, that's just something you have to let your friends figure out on their own and, like, it gets to a certain point where it's, like, save your breath because you know that she's going to keep on going back until she's ready. Save your breath and be supportive. Totally. And let them learn, like, and I also used to be the person I was, like, like, I, like, pour into my, like, if my friends are struggling, like, I feel like I'm so, I pour into, like, helping them. And it is hard being the friend, but at the same time, like, they're learning. Like, the advice I'm giving is something because I've learned from experience. Like, me giving them advice is just them learning. They can listen to my advice. They can, like, consider it, but, like, they are learning, too. And it takes, it literally takes one to know one. Like, you have to go through it to understand it. And that also, like, low-key it's really hard to, like, grasp as a friend because you're, like, I want to protect my friend. I want to take care of them. But it's so hard when, like, you know, at the same time, like, they got to, they were going to protect themselves. Like, they'll be fine. Like, if they, you know, go through a hard place with it, they're going to go through a hard place. Yeah. But also, this is random, but one thing I was thinking about is the don't look for a firecracker, look for a fireplace. That point, I was, like, I'm, like, so torn on it because I don't have, like, an opinion. I feel like, like, a proper opinion yet. I want to hear what you have to say because when the, we're referring to a video Sophia sent me through DM today, it was today when we were talking about what we're going to talk about. And this girl was, like, you know, don't, like, you get butterflies or, like, jitters or excited about a guy. Like, you need to turn the other way. Like, you want to be with the guy that makes you feel, like, home and, like, you know, makes you feel, like, grounded and everything. And I was, like, true. But then, like, don't, like, I want to be with someone I feel butterflies with, you know, like, passion, excitement, like, everything. And I'm, like, like, I don't know. Like, is that, I don't know. Like, that's so hard. I think there's two different types of butterflies. Okay. I think there's butterflies that it's, like, I'm so excited. Like, okay, if you go and you hang out with a guy and you have butterflies, like, the first, like, few minutes of hanging out, then that's understandable because it's, like, you're getting to know him. There's chemistry. Yeah, there's chemistry. But if you're going and you have butterflies and they don't go away and it's, like, after, like, a month, you still get butterflies, like, like, intense butterflies every single time. It's, like, is that anxiety? Or is that anxiety? Yeah. Like, is that, like, you're, like, fight or flight getting triggered? Wow. Okay, I think that's so true because, like, when she was explaining it, I was, like, okay, that sounds, like, settled for the nice guy that, like, doesn't make you that excited. But that makes a lot more sense because, like, that's true. Like, is that, like, fight or flight, like, anxiety? Not really, like, butterflies. But it's so hard. Like, what happens when you have chemistry and you get the butterflies? Like, what do you do? Like, you know? Also, like, chemistry can only get you so far. Like, I was asking my mom because if you guys have listened to my last episode, like, my mom's very, like, spiritual, very, like, she tries to do the best for, like, everybody, which we all should. But, um, I'm just gonna call it. I asked her, I was, like, is love enough? No. And she was, like, no. No, yeah, no way. It's not enough. Like, chemistry is not enough. Like, there's so, like, effort, like, understanding, communication. There's so many other aspects that go into, like, a relationship, you know what I mean? It's like, yeah, you might have chemistry with that person, but where's chemistry gonna get you? Right. It's gonna get you a good father? Yeah. Or is it gonna get you a divorce? Yeah, true. Or a heartbreak? True. Or literally nowhere. Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City. Yeah, literally, yeah. Going back to Big over and over again. Yes, yeah. Sex and the City. Carrie Bradshaw is the main character, and she has this little love interest. His name's Big. He never wants to commit, and then he, like, he leaves her in the movie. Spoiler. Warning, warning, any of the girls watching. But he leaves her in the altar. Yeah. Oh my god, I haven't gotten to that part yet. Whoops. Okay, we all, you know, we all knew it was coming, like, we all knew it was coming. And that's low-key payback. Yeah. What was his name? My favorite. Aiden. Aiden, like, he was the best. Yeah, he was cringe. But he was such a sweetie. He was, like, nice guy. He was a nice guy, though. No, there was no chemistry, though. Yeah, no. But also, I love talking about this, and it is, like, the different types of chemistry. Like, each guy that you're with, and that doesn't mean, like, with, I mean, sexually. Like, I'm saying, like, with, like, just, like, dedicating some time to. I feel like they match, like, different types of chemistry. Like, there's, you know, sexual chemistry. There's, like, friendship chemistry. There's romantic chemistry. There's, like, personality chemistry. Like, humor chemistry. You know, like, there's different types of chemistry. And I feel like some people get confused when there's, like, you know, friendship chemistry with sexual chemistry, and they think it's, like, more, like, they confuse it for romantic chemistry, if that makes sense. You know what I'm saying? Or if there's, you know, like, romantic chemistry and sexual chemistry, but no, like, friendship chemistry. You know, like, I feel like you need all the chemistry to, like, meet, like, meet the right person, you know? Like, click with them in the right way. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, I still just feel like chemistry with, like, none of the other things. Like, understanding communication and, like, effort. I feel like they're maybe the top three important, just off the top of my head. Like, what is chemistry without all of those things? Like, it's nothing. Right. I think effort's huge. I agree. I also feel like, again, you need to be able to, like, push back and, like, kind of out of body experience, I guess. Be able to, like, de-attach your emotions and be, like, am I just being, like, emotional right now? Which I hate that word because I feel like a lot of guys use it to, like, degrade women. Like, you're being emotional right now. Yeah, yeah. So, like, you have to genuinely have to be able to, like, de-attach the emotion and be, like, see the situation for what it truly is. And again, like, that just goes back to the de-attachment because it's, like, you have to be able to look at a situation and be, like, am I truly benefiting, like, from this? And, like, are my emotions clouding the situation? Or, like, is this actually, like, something that I genuinely want? Right. I think comfort, but, like, I hate, like, saying it like this, but I don't know, like, the right way. But, like, comfortability? Comfortability? Like, when you're comfortable in a situation, like, the best things in life you have to be really uncomfortable for. Like, you have to be pushed through. Like, if it's, like, graduating college and starting a, like, real job. Like, your real life. It's uncomfortable at first. Like, starting any new job. Like, you're uncomfortable and, like, displaced and you're not aware of your surroundings and you're not used to everything. And then, like, you know, you get used to it and then you start advancing and you find out something, like, that you actually really love. Like, it's the same thing as, like, you starting a podcast, you know? Like, at first it's probably a little uncomfortable to, like, sit here and, like, start it up. But then, like, the more you do it, like, the more passionate you get and stuff. And it's the same thing with, like, people and, like, not maybe, sometimes friendships are, like, more in relationships. A lot of girls and guys, too, is, like, they get comfortable and then they don't want to leave because they're so comfortable. And it's, like, they confuse, like, being, like, oh, I'm emotional and everything when it's, like, really, like, maybe you're just comfortable and your emotions are sparking because you're ready to leave, you know? I used to, or I listened to this podcast for, like, from, like, a spiritual teacher or whatever. And she actually said something that kind of, like, I don't know how I feel about it. But she said, you're a soulmate, like, here on Earth, like, not, like, your soulmate, like, soul-wise. Sometimes your soulmate is going to be that guy you get divorced with, too, because that's going to cause the most growth for you. And sometimes here, like, on Earth, your soulmate is that douchebag that you absolutely hate. Oh, no. I know. Say it ain't so. I know. Because, obviously, you're, like, your soulmate, like, they're going to do, like, they're going to help you be, like, your most... Sorry, I have to sneeze. Oh, my God. I was about to sneeze, and then you totally stopped me from sneezing. Oh, you're welcome. Bless you. The way I, like, gasped. Yeah, anyway, so she was talking about, like, how soulmates sometimes aren't, like, what it looks like. Like, it's not, like, walking through the meadows, picking flowers or whatever. Sometimes your soulmate is that guy that freaking did you so dirty. Like, I mean, I'm sure not just, like, a guy that did you dirty, but maybe it's, like, a divorce or something. Like, something actually large where, like, it causes a big, like... Pivotal point in your life. Yeah, evolution. I can never say that fucking word, and I always try to use it in this goddamn fucking podcast. That's okay. It's the effort that counts. But going back to the... Wow, that's crazy. Going back to the don't look for a firecracker, look for a fireplace. When I saw that quote... I'm going to give you, like, a little bit of, like, my context, and then you can see what you were thinking when you saw it. But, like, don't look for a firecracker, look for a fireplace. That also... Because I always, like, think about... I was literally telling my mom today. I was like, I go back and forth because I feel like both of us are, like, people that have big personalities. Like, we have a very, like, funny sense of humor. We're very, like, out there. We're extroverted. We talk with everybody. We're friendly, whatever. And I'm like, do I want the guy that I marry to be my equal? Right. Like, do I want him to be just as, like, extroverted? Just as, like, whatever, you know? Because, like, obviously that's what I'm attracted to. Yeah, yeah. But also, I'm attracted to that quiet guy who I know is going to, like, ground me. Yeah. Who's going to humble me. Because, I mean, do I want my equal? Is that just going to be, like... Is my equal going to be fireworks? Like, an atomic freaking bomb firework? Right, right. And is the quiet guy, is he going to ground me? Or is he going to dim my night? Dim you. Light my night. Yeah, hold you down. So, when I read find somebody who's a fireplace, not a firecracker, I was like, is the firecracker that guy that's, like, boom, boom, boom? Like, oh, he's, like, stuff going on and whatever. And, like, he's just, like, that, again, like, emotional rollercoaster. And is the fireplace guy that guy that's going to be, like, all right, like, humble you. Be like, hey, listen, like, you were out of line here. Is he going to be that guy that's going to keep it real with you? And he's going to, like, bring you down to earth? And is the firecracker going to be that guy that kind of has you always, like, on your feet, always, like, alert, always, you know what I mean? I feel like that's so true. And I didn't even think about it like that. Like, I was thinking pure feelings. But it's so true, because we are like that. Like, you know, like, outgoing, loud, whatever. Or no, I wouldn't say, like, loud. But, like, you know, I agree. But at the same time, maybe this is selfish. But, God, I've seen what you do for others. And I'm just trying to say, like, I want both. Like, I want both. Right. Like, I want the loud, funny guy who, like, everyone loves. OK, let's redo. Let's take a step back. I don't want everyone to love him. My family, like, my friends, like, people around me, I want someone that, like, meets that, like, placement. But I also need a guy that, like, maybe grounds me when I need it, for sure, like, holds up those boundaries and everything. But I feel like I would thrive with someone like my personality. Maybe not identical, but someone that's, like, funny, outgoing. Like, I love when people, when I'm with someone that can, like, take control and, like, light up a room, if that makes sense. And, like, not in a cliche way. Like, just, like, even, like, with friends. Like, I feel like if you can walk in and, like, you know, be a good person to the people around you and, like, whatever. Like, I like that. And I feel like with guys, like, I want someone that's, like, you know, funny and whatever, but, like, knows when to chill, you know? And also with the, like, quote, unquote, quiet guy or whatever, I don't know if you have ever been in a situation, but, like, when you're taking your person that you're talking to or your significant other out and you're introducing them to your friends and they stay attached to your hip 24-7. Like, they can't, like, coexist without you. I hate that. Yeah, I agree. Even though it's, like, yes, it's my friends or whatever, I feel like since we're both very social, I feel like we can defend ourselves pretty well in, like, social environments. So it gets to a point when somebody's, like, they can't defend themselves in, like, social environments. It's also, like, it's, like, I need, like, room, you know what I mean? I feel like that's also, like, so attractive when a guy knows how to talk. Yeah. Like, I love that. Navigate a room. Literally, yes. Yeah, like, I love it's, like, he knows he's sure of himself. He's not too sure of himself, but he's sure of himself and he knows how to address people. He knows how to talk. He knows how to be funny when he needs to. He knows when to be quiet when he needs to, like, and, like, not in a way, like, a weird controlling way, but just, like, knows when to, like, step back and, like, you know, and when to step forward. I love that. Especially, like, nothing feels better than, like, you introducing a guy to your friends and then being, like, I really like him. Yeah. You know, because, like, I trust my friends. Like, I've had people that I've introduced to my friends and they're, like, nope. And that's done. That's case closed. It's done. Like, I will never, you know, I trust my friends and their judgment and stuff. And, like, that is just something so big. It's, like, you know, being that loud guy. But, like, also, I want a guy that, like, can get a little, like, you know, gentle and, like, sweet and, like, you know, maybe not obviously in public, but, like, connecting with me, like, on an emotional level, like, in private and, like, knowing when to dumb down. Like, you also don't want that firecracker too serious, like, too fun of a guy, like, where he can never take you seriously, can never, like, validate you, like, is, like, always thinking something's a joke when it's not a joke, you know? Yeah. Also, another thing is just something that I've thought about, like, personally, and I wonder if you've thought the same, but I feel like I have, like, a very adaptable personality. Totally. Like, you can put me in the most opposite, like, of my personality, and I will still find a way to, like, talk to somebody, like, have fun, whatever. I just feel like I fit in a lot of different places, but I get worried sometimes that I'm not going to find somebody who can conform like that. Right, right, right, right. And I wonder, like, do you ever feel that way? I honestly, like, I feel like you are, too. I feel like we're both picky, and, like, I agree, like, definitely. I feel like it's hard because I've been with, like, different types of people that have been able to kind of conform that way and, like, kind of not. So I feel like there's definitely someone out there that will, like, match, like, is somebody going to match my freak? Is somebody going to match my freak? I'm like, what? Like, is someone, though? Like, there's always going to be doubt, like, you know, I feel like it's, like, almost human nature to doubt that you're going to find, like, that person or, like, that match for, like, certain situations because, like, you are, like, someone that can totally handle it. But I feel like, also, you grow when you're with someone, right? So you might find someone that's, like, sociable and cool and whatever, but, like, maybe isn't adaptable in, like, all situations but grows to be adaptable because you're adaptable and, like, learns from you. Maybe not perfectly, but I feel like in my past relationships, I've been able to grow from the person I've been with. True. True, true, true. Good point. Also, one more point before we wrap this up. I wanted to mention, I think I already told you about it, the zero to 100. Yeah, but re-explain because I always forget. So, basically, when a woman meets a man, he starts at 100 and as she gets to know him more, he starts taking points off. Whereas, like, when a guy meets a girl, she starts at zero and then she starts adding more points and that's why girls assume that they're, well, there's obviously, like, a theory, but women are more, like, prone to assume that guys, like, they're never going to find a better guy and guys are more prone to assume that they can find a better woman. Right. And that's why guys leave and women stay. Right. I forgot, I forgot you did explain that to me, though, but that's so true. Like, it is so true, though, because I feel like also women, like, always, like, want to see it through. Like, they want to be, like, believe and, like, give them the benefit of the doubt. Like, they're going to be a good guy. Like, I would never do that, so why would they, you know? Right. Where, like, guys are, like, really, like, low-key really hard, but they do put you in those categories, you know, where it's, like, I always see a theory and it's, like, oh, guys need, like, 15 minutes to know if they want to dig you or not and I'm, like, that's so crazy to think about because, like, that's not how I work. Like, I need, like, time to, like, see. That's what I'm saying. Well, honestly, though, maybe it's just because I've grown up with brothers, so maybe I've adapted some of their, whatever. Yeah, but, like, I feel like maybe not 15 minutes, but after, like, a week of, like, knowing somebody, I can basically tell if, like, you're going to get a chance or not. Okay, I feel, like, definitely same then. I feel like I'm maybe, like, not locked in, but I'll know if, like, if we're going to hit it off or not for sure. But I'm also going to say a week if I've seen them with their friends because you also, when you meet somebody and you only see them, like, one-on-one versus when you see them with their friend, I feel like when you see guys with their friends, that's when you really see, like, who they are as a person. And, yeah, I don't think I'd ever date a guy without knowing his whole friend group first and seeing how he interacts with them because, like, you can keep all the secrets you want, but is little Jimmy over there going to keep all your secrets too? Sorry, I just threw a random name out there. Um, that's, like, slang for, like, idiot or stupid. Like, it's been, like, years of, like, don't be a Jimmy, bro. Like, you, we're going to have to cut this out. Yeah, yeah, we'll just cut it, we'll just cut it, we'll just cut it, yeah. I know, and you weren't even referring to it too, so it's like, wait, maybe just cut out the, like, laughing part. And, yeah, yeah, we'll just pick up from the last. Um, what did you even, I just got so, I basically said, like, you might be able to, like, hide your secrets, but, like, is your, Yes, oh, yeah, your friend group, friend group, right. Um, I agree. When a guy shows up and his friend group is, like, they don't have to, like, be amazing right off the jump. Like, they can be, like, cool. Maybe they're, like, like, they're not going to, like, obviously glaze you like you're their friend's girl, kind of. So, like, obviously, why would they? But when a guy has a good friend group and they seem nice, like, you know, they're nice to you, they're respectful, they include you, they talk to you, like, acknowledge you, I think that's a huge telltale sign of how he's going to treat you. And if they start degrading women in front of you is, like, another thing. Like, when they start getting, like, saying things or, like, you know, once you get comfortable and they start, or even, like, off the jump, if they start, like, right off the rip, or, like, saying, like, crazy stuff about women, like, your man's probably saying it, too. Dude, also, I'm going to sprinkle this in there, because, like, obviously, like, I grew up with brothers. Like, I have been the only girl at the guy hangouts, like, several times and whatever. And if you really want to get to know, like, a guy, be the only fucking girl around with his friend group. No kidding. Because the amount of times that, okay, I always say this, I've said this to everybody. If there's two girls and a group of guys, they'll filter themselves. Yeah. The second that there's one girl in the room and they're all guys, no filter. You automatically grow a penis and you're one of the fucking guys. Like, genuinely, I swear. But the amount of times where, like, I've been, like, put in situations where, like, I was with my friend and then I ended up being, like, the only girl in, like, the group of guys. And the things that they say, vile. Sickening. Vile, dude. But I'm just saying, like, I'm appreciative of it, because it's, like, it really opens my eyes. Because I'm, like, wow. Like, that's their true form. So if you really want to get to know somebody, like, be the only girl around their friend group. Because no filter. Especially around their friends. Because if you're, say you're a girlfriend or whatever, and you're hanging out and you bring your friend, what are the chances that their friends probably think that your friend's hot and they're filtering themselves, right? Pretty high. And then when you take that friendly factor into just you, they might filter themselves if you're a girlfriend. But say, like, especially in the friend, like, group, like, they will literally let everything come out. And you will see, like, exactly who they are. Like, you, that is the only trial that you need right there. Being alone with a group of guys will tell you everything you need to know about them. Genuinely. So sad, though. Like, that's actually just so crazy to think about. But that is true. They do, like, why are they going to, like, stifle what they're thinking, how they feel talking with their buddies, if it's just you, you know? Like, it totally is, like, kind of, like, in numbers. You know, it's different. Like, the, like, ratio's off, whatever. If there's more girls, they're not going to, like, be as, like, degrading or whatever. But, I mean, really, at the end of the day, like, if you hear, even if you, like, peep a text message or, like, their friends start piping up about being disrespectful about a girl or something, or they're, like, your man's giving his buddy advice and it's not good advice, like, it's the other way around, too, you know? Like, I feel like girls sometimes put blinders on when, you know, it's, like, not my boyfriend would do it. Like, yeah, his friend does it, but, like, my boyfriend would. Like, sometimes your boyfriend would. Like, not saying, like, you're just, like, your friends, but birds of a feather, they flock together, so. It trinkles. It does. It does. But I don't know. That's, like, brutal, though. I know. But that's just, like, what I, like, what I've experienced. I was, like, those. Yeah. They do not be holding back, dude. No. But do you have any other last things you want to talk about that I may have left out? I don't think so. I feel like we just had a little, like, yap sesh that I, like, I don't, I feel like we didn't miss anything. Oh, wait, I kind of did. I'll, wait, maybe I, did I talk about this? I put relationships should bring out the best of you, and you should aim to leave the person better than you left them. No, we didn't talk about that at all. Well, yeah. That's because, oh, true, though. I was watching a podcast, and the girl was basically saying that, like, when you're, like, with your partner, and, like, after over time, like, you find yourself being with your partner, and you're becoming more reactive, and, like, you become angrier easily, more easily, and then, like, you go out, and you're, like, not like that with other people. That's, like, a big telltale sign that, like, that's not a relationship you should be in, because they're clearly not better than you, and they're bringing out the worst in you, and if somebody's bringing out the worst in you, then why are you in a relationship with them? I agree, and also when you, like, I feel like relationships, 1,000% can go through, like, hardships, and, like, going, like, there's highs and lows, of course, but when you are, like, reacting to everyone in a way that you, like, you know, like, you feel like you're going crazy, or, you know, and, like, that's another thing, like, when a girl feels like she's going crazy, like, you're not going crazy, like, it's the people you're with, you know, and that, I guess, could be friends, too, but, like, really when you're, like, romantically involved with someone, and you're, like, you know, driving yourself nuts about it, and thinking about what are they doing, whatever, and, like, there's not, like, that trust, or foundation, or whatever, there's a reason why you have that doubt, and why you, you know, probably shouldn't continue what you're doing, because, you know, like, if something's right for you, you're going to have arguments, or disagreements, or whatever, but at the end of the day, it won't make you doubt the, like, validity of your relationship, you know? Yeah, but I think, I don't know, I just feel like it's really important, I feel like a lot of people, I don't even know, like, why some people get in relationships, because they go, and, like, cheat, and whatever, and I feel like, honestly, like, a lot of cheating is also because, like, attention, and whatever, but I feel like when you get involved in a relationship, like, you should be trying to aim to, like, leave that person better than you left them, and you should be very, like, cautious of, like, the person they bring out of you when you're with them. Totally. Because is that person somebody that, like, you're proud of, or is that a person that, like, you don't want to be? Right? I also feel like, yeah, that's so true, like, I do not understand why people get in relationships if they know at the end of it, they're going to, like, you know, cheat, or, like, be unfaithful, or do something, you know, disrespectful to that person. Like, I feel like you kind of know mentally when you're, like, okay, I can't, I'm ready to, like, commit to someone, like, you know, show them that part of me, and, like, why would you, you know, I've always thought, like, just break up with them before, you know, like, if you have that inkling, if you're thinking, like, oh, I'm going to cheat on someone, or I'm going to do something disrespectful to, like, them as a person, like, take a step back before you ever, you know, like, commit to something like that. Yeah. They're going to lock us in here. They're going to lock us in. Okay, well, I guess that's our call. Yeah, that's our call, guys, but thank you for coming on, Ava. I'm excited to post this, and I'm excited to get some feedback. I know. I'm excited to hear what everyone says about this, because we're just yapping away. But, yeah, thanks for having me. This was really fun. Yeah, you'll have to come back. I will. I'll come back any day. All right. Bye, guys.