Ep 2_ Unpacking the life of a PK

The speaker is starting their podcast and expresses their doubts and fears about it. They talk about growing up as a preacher's kid (PK) and the expectations and challenges that come with it. They discuss their experience of constantly moving due to their parents' appointments and how it made it difficult for them to make friends. They also mention the strict rules and expectations at the high school they attended. The speaker expresses frustration about not being able to have the same experiences as other students and feeling like they couldn't make mistakes. So I know other podcasters probably start with a lot of enthusiasm, they're happy and all that stuff. But I don't know if my podcast is only going to be me starting sad. I don't know, but anyways, welcome back to another episode of Unpacking Unscripted Lives. And I'm so excited to continue this journey actually. I'm quite happy about it and trust me guys, if I tell you that I thought this was going to be easy. Trust me, I thought it's just going to be a walk in the park, like pretty easy. But nah, it's not easy. I can tell you like a couple of times during the week, I've had to overthink about it. I'm like, should I really do this? Am I really doing this? Because I was just like, what if one day I end up running out of things to talk about? Or what if something just goes wrong and I'm just like, oh my God, I'm losing it. And I was just like, you know what, let's just go for it. You never know something, I don't know, something, something might go on. Something good might actually come out of this. Anyways, so this week's topic actually is more about giving you a little bit of background about my life. I don't know who needs to hear this, but yeah. Anyways, I just want to let you guys in on a little, not a little secret because it's going to be out there. Anyways, I'm a PK. Yeah, I'm a PK. And some people call it a preacher's kid. Yeah, so growing up as a pastor's child or as a preacher's child is, I don't know if I should say it's a blessing. But I guess it is in some way, I guess it is. But then, on the other hand, not very much. Because you grow up in this environment where people are expecting you to do things in a certain way just because you're a pastor's kid. And I don't think it's fair. I mean, speaking on behalf of myself and probably other PKs out there, I don't think it's fair that the society has these expectations for us. Like, okay, we're supposed to follow our parents' footsteps. I mean, okay, let's put aside the fact that my parents are pastors. Let's try to think if your parent is a doctor or your parent is a plumber or your parent is a bus driver. Does it necessarily mean that you also have to follow their footsteps? Why are pastor's kids supposed to follow their parents' footsteps? Just because, what, they're pastors? I don't think it's fair. But anyways, let me just tell you how I grew up. So, I have three siblings, two older sisters and one brother. And I'm the last one. And all of us, we grew up in an environment where both our parents are pastors and the church is called the Salvation Army. I'm pretty sure some of you guys know. And don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to make this podcast about religions or whatever it is. Nah. I'm just trying to give you a background of my own personal story. So, yeah. So, growing up in that environment, of course, when you wake up, I mean, before you go to bed, you pray, you have devotions and all that stuff. Like, that's the kind of environment that we grew up in. And, well, trust me, it was good. I mean, before I moved because now it's a whole different story. But that's besides the point. So, yeah. So, we had to, you know, my parents were always busy with work and all that stuff. So, for my education, and because of the fact that my parents are pastors, we constantly have to be on the move because they're, like, appointed to different stations every other time. So, like, you can spend, like, two, three years in one area and then the other time you have to move. Like, it's not really consistent, you know. You are constantly on the move. So, making friends, for me personally, it was very, very difficult because the moment you start deepening your roots to something, then you're on the move. You shifted to another place. And then you go there, you start making friends again. So, I ended up being this closed-up person because the moment I start to get close to someone, well, I have to be on the move. And growing up, I didn't have a cell phone. Like, kids nowadays, trust me, they are very, very blessed because when I was growing up, I think I had a cell phone when I was, what, when I was, I don't know, 10, 11. I don't know. I don't know. But, yeah, I got a phone, like, when I was in high school. That's when I got my phone. And even when I got that phone, I think I was even sharing it with, what, my sibling. Like, my sister who was before me. But, anyways, yeah, making friends was really, really difficult. And don't get me started on the issue of relationships because definitely I couldn't even date. If I can't make friends, then definitely I can't have a boyfriend. But, anyways, yeah. So, I went, for my primary school, I went to two different schools because, well, we had to move when I was in grade five. So, I had to do my first two years of primary school in a different school. And for my high school, I was at boarding school because that way it was easy. Even if we had to move, even if we were in one place, like, I could still stay at school. Because with boarding schools in my country, I mean, specifically the one that I went to, if we send you to school for the first term, which is more like the first semester, you have to stay at school until schools are done. And that was it. So, it was pretty much easy for my parents because they'll still do their work and all that stuff and we'll just be stuck at school. And even at school, you know, like, the school that I went to was a South Asian Amis school. So, the fact that my parents are also, like, preachers from the same church, teachers there, they have these huge expectations. Like, they have this scripted book that, okay, every other pastor's kid who comes here, they're supposed to set an example, they're supposed to be good, they're not supposed to be... Because, like, in high school, you know, like, the high school that I went to was, like, super, super strict. So, I don't know how other people in their high schools are like. But then, yeah, my high school, we're not allowed to have love affairs and we're not allowed to bring certain foodstuffs to school. We're not allowed to go home on weekends. If you wanted to go home, you have to be critically ill. And even when you're critically ill, it has to be deadly that they have to send you back home. And, you know, like, to be honest, this was some of the good things that I liked. So, let's say you're in a situation where you haven't fully paid your school fees. You know, economy was, the time that I grew up, economy wasn't, like, really, really good. But then, it was okay. So, like, you, probably your parents were able to raise, like, probably half of the tuition fee. And then they'll be like, oh, you know what, after the term, like, in the middle of the term, we're going to come and we'll pay the rest of the fees and stuff like that. So, yeah, you go to school with probably, like, half school fees paid. And for some of us with parents who were, like, you know, like, our church. So, what they would do is they would pay for your school fees for, like, until you finish your high school, until you're 18. Yeah, and then after 18, you're on your own. So, like, personally, from, like, I was privileged enough that my parents didn't have to struggle with school fees and all that stuff. But then, sometimes, the fees would be paid late. So, it, like, would take some time to reflect in the school's bank account or whatever it is. So, now, the school would just come, like, randomly and they'll start, like, they would have made a list of everyone who hasn't finished the school fees or who hasn't even paid the school fees. And then they'll come to class, they'll go, like, class by class, calling out people's names who haven't finished to pay their school fees and stuff like that. So, just, like, so, now, once they call your name, you have to step out and then you have to go get your stuff and then you go back home. You're sent back home until you finish paying the school fees or until you have enough money to come pay your school fees. That was the school's policy. So, just because you are, that's one thing I really hated about high school. Because then, if my school fees wasn't paid, then the moment I had to, the moment they call my name and they're, like, Samantha Madalene and they'll be, like, oh, don't worry about it, you can stay. Your parents will pass it back, you can stay. So, like, that was the most annoying part. Like, I also want to go home like the rest of the guys. Why can't I go back home just like the rest of the guys? But, yeah, I mean, that was another scripted version. So, when others are doing, when other people are being sent, I know it's a privilege. Trust me, I get it. It's a privilege because I had to stay in school and learn. But, at the same time, I wanted to enjoy that comfort of going back home just because they sucked me out of school just because I didn't finish my school fees. I know for some other people that were sad that, oh, my God, I'm being sent back home because my parents can't afford school and stuff like that. And I'm sorry for them. But, then, I also wanted to be a part of it. Like, really, I really wanted to be a part of it, but I couldn't. Well, yeah, but it sucked. But, anyways, I'm grateful that I got to stay in school for all the six years I was in high school. And, yeah, don't get me wrong. I'm so excited. I'm thrilled about it. And, then, the other scripted part about being a preacher's kid, when we're in high school, we're not allowed to make a mistake. We're not allowed to be normal kids just like everyone else. You always have to be setting a better example for other people, which is something that sucks. Because even though my parents are pastors of the same church, it doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to be a kid and mess up one or two times. So, like, if you happen to be – so, like, when you have a relationship at school, they'll just do random – they'll just make random lists of people who are in a relationship. It was called the lovers affair list. I think. Yeah, that was the name. So, if your name is found on that list, you had a different disciplinary hearing. Other people find maybe they might get suspended a week or two. But if you're a pastor – just because your parents is a pastor in the church, you had to go through a separate hearing. So, teachers sometimes – Shane was like, oh, you're a pastor's kid. How can you do such a thing? How can you be having lovers affairs at school? How can you be doing bad things? That's supposed to be things that other people can do. I'm like, excuse me? So, it's okay for someone else's child to do something wrong. And just because my parents are pastors, it's not okay for me to do it. It's okay for maybe someone else's child – probably their parents are teachers – it's okay for them to go and rob a bank. And just because my parents are pastors, I can't rob a bank. Or it's okay for someone else to be on the lovers list, but because I'm a pastor's kid, I don't deserve to have a relationship at school? Like, that's something that didn't really make sense for me. So, that's scripted. Because you're a pastor's kid, you cannot mess up. Other kids, fine, let them mess up. But then, just because you're a pastor's kid, you don't have to mess up. Like, I – that really – that was like the worst. Literally, it was just bad. It was bad. And then, not only – aside from the fact that you're a pastor's kid or whatever it is, like, outside of school, when you go back home, people are having these huge expectations for you. And I have scripted that, okay, just because you're a pastor's kid or a preacher's kid, we shouldn't be seeing you wearing certain type of clothes. We shouldn't be seeing you with certain piercings, with certain hairstyles, with certain tattoos, with certain people. Like, we're supposed to be the saints of the society. We're not supposed to slack. We're not supposed to go outside of that box. Fine, it's good. But then, why does it only have to be the fact that my parents are pastors? Why can't it be, okay, oh, she's a – his parents are butlers, or his parents are – what do you call it? Clumbers, or his parents are doctors, so he's not supposed to be wearing certain things, or he's not supposed to be drinking or doing drugs or whatever. Why does it have to be a specific person? Just because you're PK, you're not supposed to do this. Just because you're PK, don't dress like this. Just because you're PK, don't play with certain people. That's the part that I don't get. Why does it have – why do we have to competalize, like, all these things? Like, why can't it just be you? Like, why do you have to script the lives of PKs? Why does it have to be like that? So now, the society now sees all the PKs as, oh, these are like the rebellious people, you know? PKs are very naughty. Like, that's the scripted way that the society has in their mind. Like, oh, the moment I walk up to someone and I tell them, like, oh, I'm a PK, like, oh, yeah? Oh, so you're the naughty ones. Oh, you're the drunkards. Or you're, like, the strippers. Like, all the bad stuff. Like, anything that's bad is associated with PK, in my own opinion. Probably with some people it's different. But for me, just because I tell someone that I'm a PK, they automatically assume that, oh, I'm a bad person. Oh, I'm naughty. So I don't – honestly, I don't blame all the PKs that are out there and they're doing, like, all the nasty stuff. Because probably they're rebellious because they're trying to prove a point. Like, we're no more human beings. Just because our parents were called to do God's work, it doesn't necessarily mean that I have to also do the same thing. I'm just a normal person, just like every other child. It's normal for me or it's okay for me to do something that I want to do. It's okay for me to let it loose a little. It's okay for me to go off script of what you guys have in mind for how my life is supposed to be. So, yeah, I mean, being a PK is difficult, trust me. So now when I talk to people, I don't mention that I'm a PK because otherwise they're going to start seeing me in a certain way. So they have this way that if you're a PK, you're supposed – Funny story. So, sorry, I'm debating. When I came to China, so you know how you're getting to know different people and stuff like that. So, like, oh, they'll ask you, like, oh, how did you grow up? How was your childhood? Like, oh, what do your parents do and stuff like that? And you mention, oh, my parents are pastors. Oh, wow. Okay, so, like, so are you the type that prays a lot? Like, in the morning you pray? Like, someone automatically assumes that just because my parents are pastors and I'm just holier than thou or I'm supposed to be doing certain things. Like, it makes me sad. It makes me angry that we're perceived in a certain way. That people see us in a certain way or people want us to do things in a certain way. Go to any preacher's kid right now. They'll probably tell you the same story that I'm telling you right now. Like, our lives are scripted in a certain way. Like, we're supposed to do certain things in a certain way. Like, for example, if right now I wake up and I'm like – if right now I get knocked up, I get pregnant right now without being married, it's a taboo just because my parents are pastors. But if someone else's child gets knocked up and they get pregnant, oh, it's normal for them. Why is it for other people it's normal for certain things to happen to them and for PKs it's not normal for certain things to happen to them? How are we different? Just because of parents' occupation? So, does this necessarily mean that our parents' occupation should define who we are? If my mom or my dad works at a bar, does it make me who they are? Or if my mom or if my dad is an abusive dad, does that necessarily mean that if I'm a guy, I'm supposed to be abusive as well? Or if my mom works – maybe if my mom is a prostitute or something like that, does it necessarily mean that I'm also a prostitute? Like, why is it that the people that we look up to, if they do something wrong or if they do something – if my dad is like Elon Musk or if my dad is, I don't know, Mark Zuckerberg or those millionaire, billionaire people, am I stipulated to follow his footsteps and also be a billionaire just because my dad is a billionaire? Like, the society has made us like kids, not kids per se, but then has made us to be – I don't know how exactly I can put it – but then just because people see other people in a certain way, they expect their kids or their children to also follow the same footsteps. And I think that's very unfair. That's not fair. Because just because my parents are a certain type of people or they do a certain type of job or they're very successful or they're not successful, that doesn't necessarily mean that I have to do the same thing as they did or be the same person that they are. That's the misconception that I'm seeing in the society and I think that's very wrong. Because these type of situations end up putting people in really bad circumstances. Because now, when I was growing up, people expected that me and my siblings, probably one of us would follow my parents' footsteps and be a pastor. And what most people thought, I was going to be the pastor actually. And when I told this to my friends, they actually laughed at me because like, oh wow, you being a pastor? They could never picture me being a pastor. And I mean, it's what was scripted in our lives. Like okay, if your mum or your dad is a billionaire, then you also have to be a billionaire. If your mum or dad is a doctor, then your whole family has to be a doctor. If your mum or your dad is a lawyer, then you also have to be a lawyer. Why is our lives scripted that way? Why are we supposed to live in other people's shadows? Not that it's bad. Probably it's a good thing. But then why can't we live our own lives and be who we really want to be? Not the way that our lives are being scripted for us. Why can't we just be ourselves and do what we want and be the kind of people that we really want? Why are we supposed to do this just because other people are doing it? So yeah, it's not easy. Trust me, it's really not easy. So when I came to China, just because I grew up in a certain way, I'll forever be grateful to my parents for giving me a really great life. I don't have a single day that I've gone to school on an empty stomach. There was a time in my country where things were really, really, really bad. Like super, super bad. I think that was in 2008. Everything was so bad. I was never chased out of school, even when things were really difficult. I never went to bed hungry. I never went to school with a torn bag or a torn uniform or without shoes. I never lacked anything for a single day in my life and I'll forever be grateful for my parents for this. Shout out to my mom and my dad. I don't know, probably one day they could have me 50 days or more, but whatever. I'll forever be grateful for them because they made me who I am and yeah, I owe it to them. Growing up, I didn't know how to make friends. I didn't know how to make friends, I didn't know how to associate with people. Most people, all my friends were either from school or from church. I didn't have friends outside of that. So now imagine, I couldn't really bring my friends home because I don't know, I thought maybe my mom was trying to protect me. I barely had sleepovers just like other people and stuff like that. So I had friends here and there, but most of my friends were from church. So for me to make my friends, it's either we're going for practice or something at church or we're meeting on Sundays at church. I barely had time to really hang out with my friends because my parents were very overprotective of me for being the last child and also being the girl child you know within the society. So yeah, I really had struggles making friends and all that stuff. So when I came to China now, I thought it was going to be easy. You just meet people and you guys are friends and all that stuff, but it wasn't. But I was fortunate enough that the first day I came, I actually met one of my very closest friends right now and we became friends and up to now we're still friends. And I thought my friendship community was going to grow as time goes on. But then yeah, I made friends and then some of the friends that I made along the way, we kind of grew apart so we drifted apart. And yeah, so it was like a learning experience for me. I had to learn a lot of things. Sometimes I had to not try to fit in because I was okay with the person that I was. So I just had to adapt to the new environment which was kind of hard. It was really hard because the type of fun, like I thought I was going to have a lot of fun, but then my school has a curfew for 10.30. So even if you want to go out, you can only go out for a certain period of time and then you have to go back to school and all that stuff. And we're trying to balance learning a new language and keeping up with school. So it was just like a lot of things that you have to juggle in between. But aside from that or apart from that, I'm grateful. I'm grateful because I knew for a fact that growing up, I had a scripted life. My life was already scripted for me. I knew that. And probably there are other people out there who have their life scripted already. Your life has already been scripted like, okay, just because your mom is a doctor, so it means you also have to do this. Just because your mom was a billionaire, so you also have to be a billionaire. Just because your mom or your dad or someone you look up to went to medical school or did law, then you also have to do this. So I think it's high time you let your wings fly. You do what you want. You stop living your life the way it was scripted to be. You stop living your life according to society's expectations. As long as you're happy, as long as you're not hurting anyone, as long as you're being yourself, then I think you should do what makes you happy. As long as you're not hurting anyone, as long as you're not hurting yourself, and as long as you're happy, because being happy is the most important thing in life. I always wish that no matter, even if I'm broke, even if, no matter come rain, come thunder, I always wish that I'm always happy. And as much as I'm trying to live my life in the way that I want, I always hope and pray that I'm happy, because that's what made us to me the most happiness. So, yeah, that's it. I could have gone personal with, I mean, my relationships and all that stuff, but nah, I'm not going to get too personal with all that stuff. So, yeah, this podcast was, this episode actually was more of unpacking the unrealistic expectations that society has for us just because of the families that we're born into. Yes, we're grateful that we're born into families of successful people, of great people and all that stuff, but then it doesn't necessarily mean that we're supposed to live our lives in that kind of scripted way. It's okay to drift off and live your life the way you want to. It's okay to live your life in the unscripted ways that you want to. So, with that being said, I think we're getting to the end of this episode. Yeah, guys, I'm still debating with myself, because I've opened a new Instagram account, so you guys can go and check it out. It's Unpacking Unscripted Lives on Instagram. You can go and check it out. In the bio, I've left the links to Apple Podcast and RSS feed, as well as Spotify. My podcast is My Art Valley on Spotify, so please don't forget to go and check it out. Also, don't forget to go and share it with your friends and family, and I hope we're going to make the world a better place together. I'm still debating with myself, because I want to put this podcast on YouTube, but then it means that I have to make it a video and show my face, and I don't think I'm ready for that. But then, I don't know, I guess I just want to kind of get the hang of this whole podcast thing before I can put my face out there and start doing it. So, I'll try and figure out a way of posting it on YouTube as an audio to that. Those who cannot access it on either of the links that I put in the bio, you guys can go on YouTube and see it. So, yeah, that's it for this episode. I hope you guys do have a great week and take care of yourselves, and don't stop living your life the way you want to, and don't stop spreading your butterfly. Yeah, that's it. Have a nice week, guys.