Episode 8

The hosts of the podcast, "Saving Our Society," welcome a special guest, Nicole, who works for a med spa. They discuss the societal issues of judgment and stereotypes faced by women. Nicole shares her experience with having an OnlyFans account and the judgment she faces for it. They also touch on the topic of weak men taking advantage of women, and the challenges faced by mothers in maintaining their identity. Nicole believes that women have it harder in society due to stereotypes and judgment. Alright, welcome back everybody to another episode of Saving Our Society with your hosts Jim and Leo. And it does make two to make a thing go right and we'll get into that shortly. We have a special guest with us as well, so look forward to that, did a lot of promotion on Instagram so you guys may be aware of who we have on. But before we introduce her, let's throw it over to Leo and see what's cracking and see what's good with him. Jim, great to be back again. Are you on vacation mode still? Oh yeah, no I'm still recovering from my last vacation and I feel like every time I get back I'm more tired than when I went away. You need another vacation. But glad to be back, great episode last time, we had some great perspectives, ideas, opinions being shared and I'm looking forward to tonight's episode as well. Yeah, it's going to be a very good one, we're going to find out once and for all, maybe once and for all who has it harder, but before we get into that, I just want to apologize to everyone for getting that last podcast out a little late, I know it was the Easter holiday on Sunday, we had Good Friday, so us good Catholics, Christians, we're observing that, so I apologize for getting out a little late, but we'll get this one out on time. Like Leo mentioned, if you want to check out that podcast from last episode, Who Has It Harder, the men edition, that just hit the Instagram, Spotify, everything's up there now so you can go check that out, look at our Instagram. And today, right here in Living Color, In the Flesh, we have Nicole to represent the women, possibly, we don't know her answer, either way, on Who Has It Harder, Men or Women. So we're going to throw it over to our special guest, introduce yourself, give a little bit of background, provide as much information, as little as context, as much context as you want and just welcome aboard and let the audience know. Thank you so much, thank you for inviting me to be on your podcast, this is awesome. So I work for a med spa, we're expanding all over the place, I really love my company, it's Evolve Med Spa. My Instagram name is Nicole Forever with an underscore after that and I do a lot of just like promoting on there, so thank you again for having me. No problem, thanks for stepping up to the plate, we had this on there for maybe a week and you know, you're volunteering your services so we appreciate it because we want to get the community active, we want people to start talking about things that, you know, 20 years ago weren't taboo and it's funny, I don't know if you guys are familiar with the rapper Zuby but he had tweeted out and it's funny, it's very, very ironic, he said, I'm not controversial, he's like, I'm just the same guy I was from 2008, like holding the same views and I believe most people feel that way so I appreciate you coming on because a lot of people are just, you know, they still have that fear, they still worry if there's going to be repercussions and I hate that the world is like that but we kind of started this podcast so everybody can feel like they can be a part, they can come on, they can share their experience, they can talk about their field of expertise, how things change so thank you, don't worry about thanking us, thank you for coming on, that's a lot. Before we get really into it and dive in to today's topic, as Jim mentioned, we started this podcast for people to be able to have a conversation and that's something that we were talking before the podcast started about how people have lost that ability to have conversations, have discussions, they don't have to be arguments, it could be opposing views, sometimes it could be conflicting as well but it doesn't necessarily have to be a negative, it should be a positive in the end, being able to discuss, share and sometimes differ in views. Right, right, I agree and, you know, before we hold Nicole's feet to the fire and get an answer out of her, I want to share something that I read off of, I think it was redwave.org or .net and there's an article about society so I'll just take a little excerpt right here and it pretty much sums up what we stand for, we just want to get people involved in talking and, you know, if something's right, it's right, if something's wrong, it's wrong and don't be afraid to share your opinion or speak up, you know, that doesn't make you a bigot or a racist or a sexist, everybody's allowed to have an opinion, it's a society, you're an active member so you should be able to form some type of opinion based on general observations but into the article, it says a lot of people seem shocked at the fabric of our society steadily unraveling all around us but the truth is that this shouldn't come as much of a surprise to anyone, what we are witnessing is simply the law of cause and effect in action, we have discarded the values that this nation was founded upon and we have replaced them with new values that are diametrically opposed to the old values, so now we live in a hell hole of our own making, just about every form of evil that you can possibly imagine is exploding in our society and crime rates have risen, the truth is that millions upon millions of young Americans have a completely twisted view of reality at this point, most of them spend multiple hours every single day on their phones, on their computers or watching television, virtually all of the programming that they are consuming has been training them to view the world in a certain way and that has often been to extreme tragic results, so Nicole, what do you make of that, do you think that little excerpt from the article has any validity, do you see that in your own personal experience, do you see any congruent points that they are making or do you just think that it's in the eye of the beholder, like not necessarily or has it gotten worse in your opinion society, has everything gotten worse and unraveled right before your eyes? Yes, absolutely, yes. In what aspect would you say, would you just say like across the board, would you just say in terms of like decency or self-respect or education or is it just kind of like an all-encompassing problem that we face? I think it's all of that, all of the above, I just feel that everyone is just so judgmental or you know... At each other's throats so to speak and the reason not to cut you off but to jump right in is because obviously we're doing men versus women, the women's part right now but you know we're not here to champion one sex over the other, we're just simply because there's a lot of stuff going on on the internet, people's lives, it's always the victimhood mentality and I have no idea where this came from and it almost, I won't say almost, I think it is worse than the offensive mentality where everyone is so offended from everything, this victim mentality where, you know, and we have some clips that we'll play a little bit later to drive this home but it's just like, it's not a competition, it's just like men and women would compliment each other, God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve and I'm not saying that from a homosexual standpoint, what I'm saying is like he created these two beings to compliment each other, not to compete, not to fight, not to triumph one over the other but to have companionship and form long lasting relationships and bonds. So with that being said, I'm going to hold your feet to the fire here because you're on to maybe get controversial, maybe not, either way I think there's going to be people who are upset at your answer but I'm going to pose it this way because we had a guest on last week and obviously he sided with men but we had a lot of information to back that up. So I'm going to ask you, in your opinion, in your, I don't want to say expertise but your general observation, you're old enough to come to certain conclusions and you've seen stuff, who does have a harder in our society currently, is it men or is it women? I see both sides. If I had to pick, I would go with women. Oh really? Okay. Alright. I'm going to end the show right there, run the outro and say, yep, told you guys so but no, that's okay. I'm actually glad she said that because this is why we have her on, right? Of course. To show her side of the story and it wouldn't be fair of us to list all these facts last week and have a male guest and not allow the other side to also chime in on the conversation. Yeah, but I would make editing and everything a hell of a lot easier, just run this right now. Before she gets into her response, I just want to say something you asked about before, has everything gotten worse? I want to say that my thoughts on that are, as we continue to evolve and advance, not only in a society but also with technology involved in the society, it seems like we continue to devolve. We have these phones, this technology that we continue to advance on and people are so involved with that technology that they've lost basic skills, skills like being able to talk to each other, have a conversation. We have social media, everyone's on social media but they can't have a conversation. Everyone's on social media but they're the least bit social. Everybody's on social media and they can't have a conversation, they can't have a different minded conversation with someone without it becoming toxic and I think something you also mentioned was this whole defeatist or, yeah, this defeatist mentality, the victim mentality has also allowed bad behaviors to spur from that because we are now not only victim mentality but also championing it and anything different is bigoted, anything different is an attack on someone and that's not the case. You should want individuals, you should want people in society to want to make themselves better on a daily basis, to be a better form of themselves. Why should we turn everybody else around just to cater to that one person and many times they're abusing, they're abusing this victim mentality and the cover it brings for them. Well see, it's funny that you say that because I'm going to pose Nicole a question, I want her to run with this, but the victim mentality and the way society is and technology, so technology is, in my opinion, a net neutral, right? You can have your phone and there's ample means to educate yourself, to learn a new business, you can learn new language, you can do anything or you could be degenerate and just watch porn all day, right? You can be a compulsive gambler. When we were growing up, gambling was bad, all this stuff, so on and so forth. And I think, and I'm going to give this to Nicole, I don't want this to be about guys, this is the girls episode here. So I think, and I posted something like this on my Instagram, so if you guys want to check this out on the same as our society Instagram, tough times make tough men, tough men make good times, good times make weak men, weak men make bad times or something like that. So in lieu of that, I think we have a lot of weak men and weak men take advantage, speaking about victimhood, and we're going to get into it because I got the stats to back this up to support Nicole's opinion here. I think the weak men take advantage of girls and there's a lot of victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, rape, and the like. And I think that's not a testament to toxic masculinity or any of that bullshit that they try to feed you. I think that's more that we're teaching men to be vulnerable, not to be stoic, not to contain their emotions or feelings. And it's unfortunately- And any masculinity is viewed as toxic masculinity. Right, to a degree, any type, right. But I wanted to pose this question to Nicole. What would you make of that? Would you say that's an accurate statement or maybe even just an opinion to say that because we're making such weak men, women are now, and I don't want to throw victim around because these are real victims right here because I'll get into the stats after Nicole makes her point, but would you say that's an accurate statement where these young men or weak men are preying on these women because they can't control or they don't know when no means no or they can't control their emotions so maybe that's why domestic violence is on the rise or sexual assault is on the rise? Or do you think that there's other factors involved with that? I think both. I think a lot of it is mental, dealing with mental illness that they, you know, from my perspective, my family, I just feel like men are supposed to be like these big tough guys and you know, it's, everyone's different. I'm not sure if you had a chance to listen to our last episode, but you hit the nail on the head and one of the facts that was mentioned over and over again is that men are on the higher end of suffering from mental illness, which then leads to depression, many times suicide and whatnot. So it's, let's get more into the questioning. On your end, Nicole, why would you believe or what makes, you know, what makes you so confident that women have it harder than men? I think that's what we're driving at right now, so let's stay with that. I feel that women are stereotyped in a way, like, for example, I, you know, I am involved in, I guess you would call it like sex work, like I have an OnlyFans and, you know, I get a lot of hate for it. I am. The oldest job in history? It's, right, and it's, this is where the part where if we had a sound bit from Andrew Taylor, he would say, haram, I can't do it as good as him, but it's like this double edged sword with sex work now, you know, I wrestle with this because I'm quite libertarian on a fair amount of stuff where it's just that, you know, for instance, a local massage parlor just got shut down, Asian massage parlor, so there's a stereotype, you can call me racist, whatever, it's Asian massage parlor, shut down, obvious reasons. Two consenting adults agree on a business transaction, but because it's sex, and here's a caveat, the government can't tax that because that's cash, so that's illegal. OnlyFans and other stuff like that is taxed, so it's okay, and this is going to be an episode for a later day with OnlyFans and gambling and drug culture, how they're starting to normalize things that 20, 30 years ago they said were very bad, but, you know, it's, and I'll let Nicola expound on this because she's going to have, obviously, a first hand experience of dealing with the OnlyFans, but, I mean, I just feel like it should be to each his own. Yes, yes, and you said two consenting adults, to each his own, so we'll give you that one. I would tend to agree women are stereotyped in a negative light, and sometimes, out of their own faults, but other times, maybe not. What else do you feel is? Well, I want to press that real quick, and I want to follow up and ask, and I want to say, is it fair to say that if you're involved in that type of work, you're going to be seen, even though it's not a testament to your character, is it fair to say that people, you know, we live in a very judgmental world, and a lot of people, you know, want to judge the book by the cover, but do you feel like that's warranted, that it comes with the territory? Was that something that you were aware of, getting into it, or were you just that type of open, free person, where you're just like, hey, I want to show my body, I'm proud of my body, and if I can make money, great, or was it more from the, like I said, the shock that the fact that you've had this issue with it, were you expecting any of it, or were you just expecting, hey, these people know me, friends, family, they know my character, are you still getting a little bit of pushback and judgment? Yeah, I have always dressed the way that I dress, I've always just done what I wanted to do, I've always dressed sexy, and even when I was pregnant, like I just never wanted to lose, like myself, and who I was, I started The Only Fans after I had a child, you know, to kind of get money, like more money on the side, do something on the side, and I just feel like I get, not that people, you know, no one says anything to me, I do feel like I get judged, having one, I don't think, I feel like I'm the same person that I was 10 years ago, I've always just been very out there, like, the second I had tits, like, they were out there, like, that's just how I was. That's what they say, you gotta flaunt it, right, that's what they say, and we'll unpack this with stats, but that's, unfortunately, with maybe going back to the weak men, like, women are, and especially men, value the beauty of women, and I think women, you know, their purity, their beauty is something very valuable in our society, so I think, like, I know what I'm saying, you're putting those two together, and you're just gonna capitalize monetarily on only fans, and people are gonna judge, people are gonna judge everything. And what makes you worse than the banker who takes advantage of certain people? Exactly, well, I feel like that's what... Someone selling drugs, you know, on the side... Well, the government's selling drugs right now, how long was weed bad before, like... I was just gonna say, that was my third example, a politician, you know, who's to say what you're doing is worse than that, so, okay, it's... So, with the only fans, the push with, like, the judgmental aspect is just, going back, is that fair, like, is that necessarily to say, makes life as a woman harder, knowing that, once you, I'll say you have these assets, want to capitalize on that? I think, no, I think going into this, I knew what I was gonna get, I knew what men would assume or, before, you know, I just, it comes with the territory, I definitely brought it upon myself. Well, I appreciate the honesty, because, like, there's plenty of women out there doing this, and, listen, I don't blame them, because they put the shock face on after, oh, my God, how dare he say I do that to myself while I'm on this screen. But here's the irony of it, and I've seen a couple of these memes, so, once again, I can't take credit for it, but, you know, 20 years ago-ish, with the flip phones and BS, when you get the naked photo or whatever, and you send it all around, and 20 years ago, now you have a lawsuit, schools are involved, maybe the girl's underage, it's this or that. Now, they're selling those photos, and everything's fine, no one's getting sued, it's amazing what happened in 20 years' time, and the point that I'm trying to make is, like, what Nicole just admitted to, which I appreciate the honesty, is that you're aware of it, there's some of these girls that go on, and, like, the victim mentality, I had no idea, I did this, it's just, like, sex sells, we've known sex sells for a long time, even when you're a little kid, or, especially, you know, from a man's point of view, and, like, maybe the latter end towards, like, elementary school, you start getting feelings and stuff, and, you know, and you start looking at girls differently, and it's just, like, you know, I don't think necessarily should be shunned, but at the same time, as long as you respect the fact that, unfortunately, there's a lot of creeps, a lot of simps, a lot of weirdos out there, and you know what you're getting yourself into, anything that comes along with that, personally, I can't feel bad, because we're all adults, like we say, we're consenting adults, you know, and it's no different than these massage parlors, you go out to Vegas, and all this stuff, it's, you're an adult, you know what you're getting into, but I appreciate the honesty in saying that, and to your point, after you're saying that, I'm going to double down with another question, because you mentioned pregnancy and motherhood, has becoming a mother changed the way you carry yourself, or change any previous beliefs you had while you're either single or without kids? Definitely. I feel that when women have kids, they're expected to give up their identity, and everything is supposed to be about the kids, and that's how I kind of felt myself going. I felt like I kind of lost my identity, and who I was. I guess that's another reason why I kind of got into The Only Fans, was because I am a very very sexual person, I always have been, and after having a baby, you know, like your whole life changes, and everything is about the baby. The child, your body changes, it's crazy. I went through, you know, I dealt with the postpartum, I've had anxiety and depression my whole life, so I just didn't want to feel like I was completely losing myself. I wanted to still have my identity, and I feel like Only Fans was kind of like a way for me to express myself. Well, before you move on, since you brought that up, and you said your identity a number of times, can you tell us a little bit about yourself, like what your childhood was like, and then into your teen years, and what would you describe then that yourself became, that you tried to keep? That's a good point to make, with the identity, so our audience has a better grasp of what in essence, if you could expound a little bit, and what in essence made you, after having the kids, or as you get older, made you feel like you're losing your identity, versus when you're younger. Was it the single aspect, or was it just being, you know, better in shape, because we're all younger, and as you age, life happens, and careers take hold, and families happen, and expound on that a little bit, to give us some more background, if you don't mind. I feel like society wants us to, you know, have kids, and be this like cookie cutter, like wife, which is not me. That was never me, and I mean, going back to my childhood, my parents got divorced when I was very young, and I feel like I kind of hid my emotions, and they came out later in life, like my teenage years, I was very rebellious, and very like wanting to explore my sexuality, and I do think that's like my like daddy issues. I didn't have my father in my life a lot. My mom was, you know, working like crazy to support me, and my sister, and like on the nights she would work overnight, like I would have guys over. All right, now we're getting into the juicy stuff, um, but I just, I just feel like I was, not that I always dressed slutty, like I wouldn't say I dress slutty, but I was. Provocative? Yes, I, that's just how I was. I don't know. I don't know if it's like the friends I hung out with, or the stuff I would see on TV, like Christina Aguilera was like my. Oh, Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Mandy Moore, Jessica Simpson. Yeah, and it's just like I wanted to be like them, like I just. I think that was a pretty popular time for a lot of boys and girls to just imitate what we saw on TV. You know, it was a very influential time. You know, I think society, culture was changing. A lot of things that used to be frowned upon in our parents' generation became more mainstream and accepted, you know, so just like the way girls are dressing, the way guys are dressing. Guys, how about this? I'm going to throw this term out, see if anyone remembers this. How about metrosexuals? I remember guys being metrosexual stuff and, you know, and manscaping and grooming and all that, but to go back real quick, just for, I want to see if this statistic holds true, because we mentioned this in our last episode. Would you mind sharing, if you know, who initiated your parents' divorce? My father. Okay, interesting, interesting, because we had it said on the previous episode that women initiate divorce 70% of the time, and if they're college educated, it rises up to 90%. No, it was definitely my father. Wow. Well, I mean, listen, everybody's experience is totally different, and that's why we're having you on. So before we keep going, I just want to give some context and some information with some of these facts, so that way, as we continue, we can, we have a reference point, we can keep it relative to the discussion. So this is off of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, the NCADV, and they both had men and females statistics. Obviously, and this isn't good that the females take the cake, but it's pretty alarming in general, just the amount of abuse and assault we have in society. So one in four women and one in nine men experience severe intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner contact via sexual violence, and or intimate partner stalking with impacts such as injury, fearfulness, PTSD, use of victim services, and contraction of sexually transmitted diseases. It goes on to say one in three women and one in four men have experienced some form of physical violence by a partner. This includes a range of behaviors, slapping, shoving, pushing, in some cases might be even considered domestic violence. One in seven women and one in 25 men have been injured by an intimate partner. One in 10 women have been raped by an intimate partner. Ironically, they say data is unavailable from male victims, so we kind of addressed that in our last episode. One in seven women and one in 18 men have been stalked by a partner during a lifetime to the point in which they felt very fearful or believed that someone close to them would be harmed or killed. And I also want to say that women between the ages of 18 or 24 are most commonly abused by a partner. So with that being mine, did you experience any of that or know any of your friends or family that might fall into those categories since you're going along the premise that women have it harder? Because these statistics, although alarming, I'm actually intrigued that they included the male. This is kind of eye-opening how many people, male or female, are being abused in relationships by their partner. That's pretty intense. What do you make of this? I would say my three to four closest girlfriends have experienced domestic violence that I have witnessed. Wow. That's alarming. That's a close number. One in four? Yeah, one in four and you just said three. So what made them stay in that relationship? Fear. You know, thinking they couldn't get better. Thinking that, you know, if they left that this person would harm them. So fear for their own safety? Yes. I mean, I was in a relationship and I mean, I was in a relationship and he never laid his hands on me, but it was definitely, it was definitely, what is the term? Verbal abuse? Yes, 100%. Gaslighting is like the term. Mental warfare, for sure. And I stayed in that relationship for seven years because he made me believe that no one else would love me. Well, there you go. That's wild. The seven years he was able to mentally manipulate you, it doesn't have to be verbal, you know? It's just power over another human being, could be whatever way. I wasn't an angel. I mean, we would get into very bad arguments, but it just made me feel like worthless. Like if I left him that I would have nothing. At any point, well, let me ask you this first. Do you know what Stockholm Syndrome is? I do. Okay. So at any point, did any of your girlfriends or yourself feel like that? Or is it just pure fearfulness when you're in that type of situation, that relationship? Or was there any part of that where you're playing mental gymnastics with yourself and you convince yourself that you care about this person and this person is doing this out of the care and love for you? Hence Stockholm Syndrome, where the victim has this relationship, this bond with your abuser, so to speak. Did you find any of that or hear any of that? Or was it just more just, like I said, the fearfulness of leaving or repercussions? Yeah. I mean, they were young. One of my close friends, this was back in high school, I want to say, sophomore year. And I witnessed him put his hands on her several times. He actually kicked us out and made us walk on the highway. Jesus Christ. I mean, he told me I could stay in the car. And I was like, get the fuck out of here. If you're kicking my best friend out, I'm fucking getting out of the car. Right. You've got to ride or die, right? Yeah. So we're walking on like a major highway in the dark. But I just feel like she stayed with him, like probably the same reason I stayed with my ex for so long, just she didn't think there was better out there for her. Not only that, I think, if I'm not mistaken, many times the individual, the victim in that relationship, that type of relationship believes that one day that other person is going to change. Yeah. With as much love as you shower them and try to show them differently, that they're one day going to change. Unfortunately, the case is they're not. People are going to change. People are who they are, and they're always going to be. It's very, it's very slim to none. The cases where someone actually does change and cut that out, they have to have a real life-changing experience or situation. Yeah. Yeah. Most of the time, you know, these red flags we put off because whether male or female, we say, oh, we'll change or they'll change or we'll grow together or whatever the case may be. And most of the times, it's just the breaking point comes and goes and you're just so involved and you're so invested where you're just, you just stick it out. And whether it's the, you know, especially from a female perspective here, the mental gymnastics you have to do, the gaslighting, you know, the physical presence of a male, the stature. And listen, it's, I'm going to ride or die with the guys all the time, but I'm not going to sit here and pretend these type of stats or these things don't happen to the women because they do. And they happen too often. There's, and in my submission, there's just too much weak men out there. There's just too many people not being held accountable. And let's point that out that those are weak men. Okay. Without a doubt. I was going to keep that in mind. I don't think, you know, it's something that not only my wife, but any ex-girlfriends would have known about me. They knew the fact that I would never raise my hand to them. I'd never allowed to get to that point because if it gets to that point, that means we're done. It's over. I was going to even take that a step further and talk about, this is a good time to mention this. I'm sure we'll mention a couple of times. If there's any time that anyone, male or female, is in this type of situation, reach out to somebody immediately. There's plenty of phone numbers to call friends, family, helplines. If you see something, say something. I hate that. It's kind of like a government term they used with the whole, you know, spying on your neighbor stuff, but it's no joke. It's really something you guys kind of take in consideration where, you know, like Nicole just mentioned, seven years is, you're not going to get that back. You can make more money. You can make more friends. You can get new hobbies. You could do a hell of a lot of stuff, but you can't make more time. And to waste that, and I'm going to take a big assumption here. I'm going to go on a big branch and say, like I was a POS, to invest that amount of time for seven years is rather unfortunate because just talking, this kind of stuff aggravates me. And it's stuff that's prevalent too. So you also have to understand that, you know, a lot of people say, well, they don't understand my situation. They don't see it from the way I see it. No. There's ways of talking through a situation and there's definitely platforms for you to vent to. Talk to someone. Reach out to someone. Mention your situation. If you feel like your life is in danger or you feel like it's the end of the world and it's just you, it's probably not. It's probably not. You have to talk to people. 100% is double down and I wanted to say this, how you're saving the prevalence in common. The rape culture, bullshit that's going on, it waters down the people who are actually victims. So when you're just doing this, and I'm going to take this from a male perspective here. When females are just doing this to try to get even with a guy, ruin a guy's life, this stuff is serious because I'm going to share some stats right now. And when you just start saying you're raped because, listen, you go to these frat houses, you go to these college parties, you go to these parties, you go to these clubs and your girlfriends are feeding you these drinks, these guys are buying drinks at the bar and this and that, and then you make out, you hook up with this dude and then you regret it. Listen, you're inebriated. If you're going to say that you were raped because you probably couldn't give consent, then for everybody who wants to go out and get a hall pass, so to speak, and cheat and just say, oh, I was drunk, that wouldn't fly. You'd be in divorce, you'd be getting marriage counseling, but yet, vice versa, we use that excuse for rape and it's just like, oh, I was drunk, so I couldn't consent. And I think that's a great segue into a question that I have for Nicole today. How do you feel, well, first I should say, this is how I feel. I feel like in society, the moment a woman accuses a man of something like that, unwittingly being forced to do something or being raped, the man's career, the man's life, practically, is then broken into pieces. It's destroyed at that moment. Do you feel that that's the case or do you feel that, no, it's actually the opposite way around, not enough women are speaking out? How do you feel society views that right now? I kind of agree. I mean, I see both sides. That's one point for us. I'm going to take that as a point for us. Maybe it's a half a point, but I'll take it. I mean, I've been in situations where, not necessarily I've been raped, but just like a boss texting me late at night while he's married that I didn't report. And I feel I'm not out to get him. Making yourself available. Yeah. I would simply just say, no, I'm not interested. I wouldn't engage with him, but I would make it known to my friends what's going on. But I'm not going to make up something or get him into trouble. I'm going more in the direction, how do you think it is generally in society right now? Do men have it worse or do women have it worse when it comes to women reporting rapes or women reporting inappropriate behavior? This is like, it's tough. That is tough. And hold that thought because I want to get to his point. I just don't think it's like, who has it worse? Well, last week we mentioned that in a court case, when it comes to absence of any facts, I think 50% of the decision could rest on the female's account of the scenario, the circumstance. But what I'm saying, what I'm trying to say is that by, and here's where the waters get a little muddy, by saying who has it worse, listen, by far men would have it worse in terms of their life being over. Worst case scenario for a woman, it's, you got raped, right? That's psychological, physically damaging, mentally damaging to the whole nine. But what about the in between where, well, it's not really in between, but when you have these false reports, you water down the effect that women do when they do report. So someone who could actually be raped, if you over-report just like the terms, all these buzzwords we have in our society, racist, bigot, sexist, misogynist, whatever you want to throw, all those words are like meaningless because everybody is that all the time when you don't agree with somebody. So rape is something so crazy and so damaging, right? And I want to get these stats out there and I'll let Nicole take the center stage here. Which I think men should be, that are found to have raped, should have to suffer the repercussions. In my opinion, some type of castration. Oh yeah. I mean, I don't know if you guys have followed any of like this whole Marilyn Manson case, like all these women were coming out saying that he raped them and then it came supposedly that like his one ex-girlfriend like got all these women together to go against him. So, you know, for me, like if I was in a, I don't know, it's hard to say. If I got raped by someone, I like to think I would speak up and do what I can to get his ass locked up. Like these women coming out years later. I think that's silly. I know how you feel. I don't understand it. Like you said, it waters down the truth for other real victims. Hit us with some stats, Jim, because I have a funny example I want to bring up and just ask. Sure, sure. So I don't know what's what's more alarming here that one in five women or one in 75 men in the United States have been raped in their lifetime. I mean, that's a high number. That's 20% for women, almost half of females, 46.7% and 44.9% of male victims of rape in the United States were raped by an acquaintance. That's almost half the time for both of them, not even raped by a partner, but an acquaintance of these 45.4% of female rape victims in 29% of male rape victims were raped by an intimate partner. So there's not a big drop off for women. So you go from 46.7 to 45.4 from acquaintance to partner, but males, it's almost cut off by 15%. Here's something that is troubling and it's quite bothersome. 72% of all murder suicides involve an intimate partner. 94% of the victims of these murder suicides are female. When I was doing the research to look at that, like some of this stuff, like I know the stuff you see on these other YouTube channels and podcasts, everything is lighthearted. Women, you're not traditional, you don't do this. Men have to go to work. We've got dangerous jobs. We work longer hours, yada, yada, yada. But when you start looking at some of these numbers, they're quite astounding to see. But, you know, unpacking this, are these a lot of female girls at these so-called parties, clubs, raves, whatever? The type of males that are going there, I'm going to say beta. I know there's a lot of regular guys there, but some of these, I think weak men are a big problem in society, but that's, we already addressed that in the previous podcast. Between 2003 and 2008, 142 women were murdered in their workplace by their abuser. 78% of women killed in the workplace during the time frame. That was the National Coalition Against Domestic Abuse, like I mentioned earlier. And I want to say that's upsetting, sad. I mean, do we have a weak man problem? Are women dressing, to Nicole's point, too sexual, too provocative? Are we unable to keep our emotions and feelings under control? What the hell is going on? I mean, and luckily we have Nicole here because I want her point of view, but like, what the hell is going on? Is it a combination, you think? Is it, I know, I don't want to get too much off on a tangent with maybe like prescription pills and antidepressants and all this other stuff and these traumas, but there's definitely mental illness involved. Of course, but I want to make this about women and not mental illness because that's a whole other podcast we've got to have. But I mean, in terms of these numbers, I mean, it's got to be pretty intimidating just in general, being a woman anywhere, going out with your girlfriends, just something stupid, running an errand late at night, even going to the grocery store late at night and just wrong place, wrong time. Is any of this, and this is going to be a big answer, so take your time if you have to, is any of this ever on a day-to-day basis play into your decision-making or is in the back of your head at any time, any place you go to? Has it altered any of your plans and say, I'd rather not go here or I know somebody or something that happened at this location or event, so I'm going to forego it this time around or I'm getting too old to worry about that? Has any of that ever played a part in any decision-making? How often do you think about this on the daily? It's funny, because I feel like since I started doing OnlyFans, it's been a constant worry of mine. Just like if I'm alone somewhere, you hear like sex trafficking and all that, but just people that follow me on OnlyFans that know where I live, it definitely is always in the back of my mind. I know we took a very strong stance or we take a very strong stance about abuse of women when we're saying things like castrating men that have been found guilty to abuse women or sexually abused children. But in my opinion, that stems from a society that has constantly gone in the way, especially lately, of being soft on crime. And I think that that's what's also elevated the numbers of these types of violent acts being performed. Without a doubt, it is overwhelming. The reforms on this, and I wish I, it was part of that Red Wave article that I opened up with earlier. But just the, oh man, the big tech guy, right? Yeah, Cash App. Cash App just got stabbed the whole time. In San Francisco, which is turning into a third world hell hole. An old friend or a competitor from another company did it, who has, I think, two kids. Did you hear about that? The owner of Cash App was out on the street in some trendy neighborhood in San Francisco, stabbed in the chest multiple times, literally was, I think, on somebody's window in the car and they saw him practically bleed and also suffocate to death because he wasn't getting oxygen to his lungs. But yeah, I mean, do you want to talk soft on crime? Look at California. Crime is through the roof. They have people taking shits on the street, doing drugs. They actually, you know what their solution is, is to go around the issues. Like a simple example, the poop on the streets, the human feces on the streets has become so bad that instead of criminalizing people taking a shit on the street, which is harmful to everybody around, they've actually come up with a fancy app that you can find and pinpoint where people are taking a shit on the street and where the shit is. Yeah, you can look it up. We're going in the complete opposite direction of doing the right thing when it comes to crime. We're doing everything wrong. We're doing everything wrong. And I think that also plays a big part in the issues we have that then develop between the two genders, between men, between women, you know? So it's all related. It is all related and these facts and figures, I think they're only going to get worse over the years. But after that, I have some pressing questions and we have some videos to go along because I want to get Nicole's reaction to them. Some of these come from our Instagram page. But as I get into the next question I have, I just posted today an Andrew Tate video, which is really good. I know he's very hot-button topic. So we're going to play the Andrew Tate clip and then I'm going to have a question for Nicole afterwards. But I think what Andrew Tate here hits it right on the money, and I think we've gone so far away from this in society in general, whether it's being selfish or just getting the wrong information or just having no innate feeling, inkling to back it up. I kind of just like sheep here and just go with the flow and don't question it. So let's play this Andrew Tate clip and then I want to ask Nicole a question based on this thing. He's talking about his grandmother. So I think none of us can argue that. I mean that's amazing and I think families that big of the past, I would like to have another episode on that because I think it's fascinating how the greatest generation had the least amount of money, had the most problems and were able to have such huge families. So leading into that, I want to know what is your opinion? Is motherhood in our society now, is motherhood something most women should aspire for and is it as fulfilling as he makes it seem? Because he's coming from a male point of view. So he's, I don't want to say this in these terms, but he's ripping the benefits from being birthed from a woman. There's a statistic, not to get too deep into it, but like 8.2 something billion people birthed by women, zero birth by men. So I think it's something that we over, it's true, I think it's something we overlook. It's something only women can do and out of every, all the pains, all the suffering, all the unpleasantries that come with pregnancy, women dare say are crazy enough to do it multiple times. Most of them two, three times, sometimes four, not as common in today's society, but is motherhood something most women should aspire for? I, I mean, I saw myself being a mom from an early age. I knew I wanted kids. Do I think every woman should get married and have kids? No, it's not for everyone. It's not for everyone. And honestly, the more women I hear say it's not for them, the more respect I have for them, because I just feel like, you know, it's, it's programmed that women should just get married and have kids. And it's not for everyone. It's hard. It's damn hard. Yeah, tell them it's damn hard. It's so hard. You can't pay me, listen, for everyone listening, you can't pay me enough freaking money to do that. You cannot. And these women are doing it. And it's, but it's, it is, it's so rewarding. Like, I can't imagine my life without my daughter. She's literally like completes me. But at the same time, like I do understand where women come from when they don't want to have kids, because it does change your life. But do you think that's because, and I'm going to be very blunt here, because I think this is this tends to be true for a lot of people. Do you think because more people are selfish nowadays? Yeah, I think 100%. I think that's why a lot of people are doing it or taking an easy way out. Even I talked to friends of mine, and they're like, Oh, I'm scared because the world we live in and I said, But but wait, before you continue your friends might have a point. We do live in a different world. Andrew Tate's grandmother, her world, her upbringing was very different from ours, from your wife, from my wife's, you know, wise, wise. Yeah, my wife's. Don't say that to my wife's. But anyway, I was going to say, I mean, anyone could also easily chip away at that video and say, you know, his grandmother, maybe that's all she was able to do. And yes, it is beautiful. No, it's very different than nowadays. We also don't value, we don't value family members the way people used to. Okay, I had this conversation just recently with another friend. And he was telling me how he's kind of setting the tone with his family, his wife and two daughters, how he wants to start having a family meal once a week. And I told him, you know what, you got to do that. You have to do that. If that's the way you feel, you have to do that. Because you know what, that's, that's, that's probably one of the best things you could do with your family. I know that myself, me, turning 40 this this summer, I look forward to every week getting together with my with my family sharing a meal. And unfortunately, nowadays, we don't we don't we don't value women, we don't value men the same way they used to back in the day. And maybe it's because they didn't have other distractions, like we do nowadays. I, I agree, to a degree. I just think that we're taking the easy way out. I think that society over the course of us growing up has led us to believe otherwise. Biologically, I think a lot of people would be happy and fulfilled by having a family. I myself, I wish I started a family earlier, finances being an issue, certain things out of my control. But I don't think and this is going to lead into my next question. I just don't think we're doing a service to anybody by putting things off by telling them to enjoy your college years to go do that. I mean, how many nights at the bar are going to be enjoyable? How many trips to the beach? How many guys nights out girls nights out? I mean, like to your point with the family. Jordan Peterson said, and ironically, he said this to a feminist saying she doesn't want a man she doesn't want to be married. She doesn't want anything. He said, life after 45 gets pretty lonely. You can get a dog, you can get a cat, you can get some material objects. But when you don't have, in her case, a husband to come home to don't have kids to come home to, your parents are long gone. Is that career fulfilling? And into that, Nicole, are we doing a disservice to young girls telling them to put off marriage and having kids? I don't believe so. No, what what is? Why would you not agree with that? Because from my own personal experience, and and I say this through through work and dealing with other guys, the amount of fertility problems I'm seeing, in hearing from co workers, friends, you know, very close to home. It is astonishing how many people need science to have kids these days. And I know it's taken for granted for people who don't. But I've seen guys at work stressed out. I've heard their stories, the amount of money they have to pay, how distraught their wives are, because correct me if I'm wrong, this may this may be sexist. From an early point, and I think you might have touched on this earlier, early point, most women dream of being a mother and having having kids. So when you finally get to the pinnacle, you get to the top of the mountain, you got the house with the white picket fence, you have them, so called many of your dreams you have, you may be a dog or cat or whatever you have, and you have the car you're driving. Now you want the kid, and it doesn't happen. I think, listen, I think you should enjoy your life. But at the same time, I think I think we are doing a big disservice. I want to hear why you think we're not. But I think it's, it's having a impact on our birth rate. I think it's having an impact on mental psyche for male and females. I think it's, it's making life more difficult and stressful later on. And I'll leave this off with something that my mother has said. When I was younger, she said the most important thing she ever wanted to do in her whole life was to be a mother. And unfortunately, she's no longer with us. So she can't see any grandkids. She can't see, you know, anything. I know she's saying she's, she's up there watching down. But you get the point. I think that, you know, life is too short. And when you push things off here, that might be a you might you never know. But I want to hear why you disagree. I want to hear from from a woman's point of view. Why is that not a disservice? I don't think I completely disagree with what you said. I just think I see from my own experiences, women that have gotten pregnant very early, who are now trying to relive their 20s. Fair point. Or, you know, young girls who get pregnant and can't handle all the responsibilities that come with being a mother. And you hear about it on the news, like, no, just these women with the hormones and, you know, doing crazy shit to their kids. Like, you don't got to tell me. Yeah, I mean, I don't watch the news because I just, it makes me sick. I just I don't think putting it off for, you know, 10 years is the answer. But I just feel like you need to live your life, especially with your partner. Before you. I agree. But would you concede? I will concede that if you concede the fact that there has to be a little bit of give and take here. I do think, to your point, do you have to experience life and enjoy it with, especially if you're getting married, not that marriage is for everybody. Like I said, this is just generalizations based on observations in our lives. But let's say you get married, mid to late 20s. I mean, I think a couple years of enjoying yourselves, having a house to yourself, going on vacations, I think that's fair enough to in order to start having kids. But like what you just mentioned, like when you start putting off 10 years, I think at age 35, it's considered to have a geriatric pregnancy and it gets significantly more dangerous. And now, despite the fact that women, you guys already put your bodies on the line, you go through hell, your life is on the line after 35. Like, shit can go sideways really bad. So, I mean, I do concede that you do need to enjoy yourself because you don't want to be a mother and acting like a teenager. But I've also seen it the other way where, you know, people have enjoyed it too much. And now, when they do want to have kids, they're having mega issues to a degree that might affect your relationship. There's other reasons we can get into why that might be the fertility problems, I just think that putting off these things in life are beneficial to no one. I just feel that way. I mean, I'm just going off of my experience. I met my husband when I was 30. You know, I wish I met him when I was younger. Right, right, of course. We enjoyed a year and a half, two years together before we tried. I did have a miscarriage. I had a miscarriage right after my dad died. So, I mean, again, like, I wish I met my husband when I was like 26 because, yeah, I would have had kids before 30. But then at the same time, it's like I could have had kids with my ex that I was with for seven years. And like, who knows? And we know how that would end. It would have been another divorce statistic. It would be like child support. And I did get pregnant with him. And in the back of my mind, I knew I could not have this child. Like, our relationship was so dysfunctional that I just could not bring a child into the world, into that relationship. That's tough decisions women have to make. It's, you know, unfortunately, that ended that way. I'm not going to go into that in detail on this episode. But, I mean, these are all, I think, something you mentioned, Nicole. I don't know. Maybe it's just me being the hopeless romantic. But I think I would want every woman to feel what you mentioned you feel with your daughter of that feeling of being fulfilled. And I think we have a lot of issues with women not being happy or not being content or fulfilled with their lives because they get to a point where they start to realize, oh, I think the clock is starting to tick for me to have my family, for me to, you know, have this child that brings, bonds not only me but another person together and makes something, you know, beautiful that will be my legacy. So I feel like, I don't know, I would think that, you know, I would want women to want to be able to feel that. What do you think? Or do you still believe that, you know, it should be their choice to put it off? I mean, like, I knew, like, I, from my point of view, like, I knew I always wanted to be a mom. That was, you know, I wanted to have kids with the right person. I wasn't just going to have kids with anyone just to have kids. And meeting my husband, you know, that's how I knew, like, this is it. This is who I want to create a life with. So, you know, I am thankful that I did meet him. Like I said, I wish I met him earlier. But I'm also glad that I didn't have a child when I wasn't ready for one. Well, we all learn from our mistakes. So it's, it's natural for us to realize that. And also, you know, this also has to do with maturity. You don't have the same frame of mind when you're younger as you do when you get older and into your 30s. You start to see the view, you view the world a lot differently. Without a doubt. I just want to throw a spoiler out there, or disclaimer. I don't think you're ever ready for kids. No, you know, it's, it's, it's a game shader is the best thing that will happen to you. But it is the most time consuming, and at times thankless job. But I mean, it's well worth it. In the end, it definitely is. And it's, you know, going back to the Andrew T video, we've got a couple more. It's just something only women can experience men experience a second hand. But there's just I'm sure a bonding of feeling something that can, it's unmatched with women, you're, you're, you're protecting, and you're creating and you're help manifesting this other human life inside of you for nine months. And then by the grace of God is born, you have a healthy, beautiful baby. It's, it's quite an amazing feat. And I think, unfortunately, today's society that is not cherished enough that is not appreciated enough. I think, you know, telling women to go into the workforce and do all that is, is not productive, not saying women can't have a choice. I don't think it's as fruitful as you may think. But, you know, it's, I don't know, I think, I think there's a lot to be said about this. And I want to bring up, we're talking about this, all this women and all this problems. And going back to some of the stats we mentioned, we have a clip from the Whatever podcast. I want to bring up with, with how, how women control the access to sex and the hookup culture and everything and not putting this all on women. And I think, but I want to try to pick Nicole's brain and see what type of resolution we can come to with, with men, with women, putting ourselves in these situations and seeing if the promiscuity of our society is beneficial is not a big deal, or, or what the case may be, because we have our thoughts. But let's, let's roll this. And we'll see, we'll get Nicole's take on this. Who controls access to sex, men or women? Women. Yeah, so I would say hookup culture, if we want to see hookup culture stop, because women kind of control when sex happens. So do you have anyone to blame but yourselves? So women control access to sex and men would create, will have, create the access to, to relationships. So in, in your, in your humble opinion, the, the promiscuity that we're seeing in society, the, the fact that we're teaching girls they can behave like boys and, and, and these body counts getting out of control, some of these, these girls on some of these shows mentioning hundreds and hundreds of, of body counts. And there's statistics that back it up that it has long-lasting effects. Like for instance, we mentioned in the previous episode that if a woman has, has more than six sexual partners, it, it creates a more unstable environment for them to, to have a relationship later on in life. They also said, believe it or not, this is, you could look this up, that a woman's orgasm ties them with, with emotionally, bonds them emotionally with that man that they're experiencing that with, where men don't share that. And not to get too, you know, slang and, and street and vulgar, but that's why like some men or even girls we even know, like all guys have that post-nut clarity where you're like, oh, why did I do that? Or I can't believe I did that. Or, oh, holy crap. But, you know, to that point, do you think this is, this is a problem that we're facing overall society? I don't want to just make it about women. Even though you guys do control the access to sex. I mean, I think society is going sideways and we're not, everything is, is getting very transactional. Something that intimate should be like this, that should be shared and enjoyed and something that used to be treasured and, and valued. Men still value the purity of women. And now we're just seeing this go so upside down so fast. What are your, what are your thoughts on that? Do you think it has, has long lasting implications? Do you think it's nothing to worry about? Do you think that we should try to bring in the reins a little bit and say, listen, this isn't good for anybody? Uh, from my experience, um, I think I've, I've gone on dates with men who wouldn't talk to me because I wouldn't have sex with them on the first date. Um, you know, I would never hear from them again, or I would sleep with them and again, not hear from them. So I just feel like it just goes, it's just depending upon the person. Like, I mean, I don't know if this is like TMI, I slept with my husband the first night I met him and now he's my husband. So I just think it depends on each person. Um, but if you went on a hundred first dates, theoretically, would that mean you could possibly sleep with a hundred guys? No. Oh, that's, that's good. I was, that's the answer I was hoping for because a lot of these, a lot of these women, I have another one from the, the whatever podcast with a ex military chick where she really goes in on these, on these girls, which is really great. Well, I know we're so far removed from our early twenties and late teens that this, this, this behavior isn't nuanced. It's, it's like welcomed and they supported amongst ourselves. Like, it seems like you had trials and tribulations, but with them, it's just another day in the life. And it's like I said, that can happen very much. It is unique person to person, but most of the time I think, you know, what happens is when, when, when you give yourself up the first, the first night, right? And then you hold out for other guys. It's just like, what made that one instance unique where you gave it away for free, so to speak, and then another guy has to wait. So I want to roll this clip. Once again, this is from the whatever podcast with a military chick. I forget her name, but these girls, and I, I can't make this up. You'll, you'll hear these girls and they're proud of who they are and what they're doing. Be it lady in the street and a freak in the bed. Y'all ever heard of that? Yeah. Then why don't you guys act that way? Cause we don't want to, we just want to be sluts. So when you get called out for being a slut out in public, do you care about the consequences that come with that? No. Do you even want to change that? I'm going to be driving away in my Mercedes. Like, bye. Okay. So what about your daughters or future daughters? If you have any, do you want them being looked at how you guys are looking at yourselves right now? Obviously I don't condone it, but like, I definitely say like whatever you're comfortable with. And I say, like, look, if your kid's bullying my kid because of what I did online, I feel like that's, maybe you should set an example so that she wouldn't get bullied. Even if I set an example, it's people are still going to get bullied. So you think that spreading a lens is something to be proud of? Y'all ever think that? As women, why should our value be like our kids? Like, I don't plan on having kids. I don't think all women do. Well, our value as women is innately our ability to create and sustain life. Nicole, you're the guest of the hour. Unpack that. That is holy crap. Is there a lot going on in that video right there? I just feel that, um, if a woman sleeps with a lot of men, like she's a whore. If a guy sleeps with a lot of girls, like he's the man, like he's looked at as badge of honor. Yeah. I feel there's double standards with that. Like, but that's life. Isn't that like, if there's a hostage negotiation right now and you're free to leave and Leo and I have to stay here, you know, and also is going back to a couple of things you touched on earlier. How easy is it for you to acquire sex? Easy. For most men, and this was a step that was mentioned previously on our last podcast. For all these dating apps, they compiled that 80% of men are seen as ugly by females where they just, they pretty much invisible. So for most men, we have to, we have to create our value. We have to get a good job. We have to have a nice place to live. We have to have a nice car to drive. We have to be in good shape. You see women all the time, 18, 19, 20 year old girls on these yachts. They don't own those yachts. You can't put an 18 year old kid, a boy on that yacht. He'll be, he'll be thrown off in a second, but there's countless girls and maybe a handful of guys. So we have to be comfortable acknowledging that there's double standards and also that for a reason, because women's value for men, you guys might think of it different. And this is, I'm glad we got to this point. We, we appreciate, we cherish, cherish purity. We, we want that. We don't want, there's another Andrew Tate clip. I don't think I have it, but you know, the best part of one of the best parts of, of having your wife, your woman, your girlfriend is knowing that other P other guys want her and they can't have her. It's like gold. If gold was all over the street and everybody had, right. Nobody cares. You just pick up a piece of gold and throw it on the floor. So when you have something that not everybody can have, but everybody wants for us men, that's, that's something that we take pride of. We want to be the providers. We want to have that feeling of, you know, accomplishment and to be proud of our significant other. So I think we have to be comfortable with having double standards because there's, there's a list of female privileges that we have here. And before I get into the privileges, I want to preface this by saying, obviously these are individual exceptions to most problems discussed on the list. The evidence, the existence of individual exceptions does not mean that general problems are not a concern. Pointing out that women are privileged in no way denies that bad things happen to women. As we said previously, being privileged does not mean women are given everything in life for free. Being privileged does not mean that women do not work hard and do not suffer. And in many cases in a sexist society, often wrongly called a patriarchy, maintains female privilege also does great harm to girls and women. So to a degree, I'll run through a couple of these and I think Leo mentioned it earlier, but women get a much lighter punishment for the same crime that men do. Men are expected to go to war and, and women are not expected to be drafted. It's always ladies first. Women have a special protection from domestic violence in a sex-related crime. In the absence of conflicting evidence, a woman's word will have more weight than a man's. If you're raped, you can safely report it without being fear of, of being prosecuted or having your life turned upside down. If you get a divorce, you will most likely get children. If you get a divorce, you'll most likely get alimony, even if there are no children. There's a much less chance of being driven to suicide. There's no pressure to be physically strong or do most of the physical demands work because of men. You can get in free to most entrances or bars and free drinks. And even if you don't get free drinks, a man is usually expected to pay or will pay. I was just going to say we also are expected to pay on the first date, right? Not always. I have been on a first date and I have, good for you. Oh, you don't, you went Dutch. Oh, I mean, probably cause I wasn't into the guy. And I was like, Oh, the truth comes out. He was one of those 80 percenters. Just get me out of here. I'll pay. Don't worry about it. I'll pay for the whole thing. You've never talked to me again. Oh, that's funny. But so, I mean, listen, these are things in life that we have to be comfortable talking about and acknowledging. I know you'll agree to this and I'm sure you see your husband do it every day. Roll out of bed, maybe do something, maybe strain out his shirt, throw a different shirt on. You're ready to hit the streets in five, ten minutes. Now, you women, hair, makeup, nails, shoes, is it a time of the month? Do these pants fit? These pants don't fit? Do I feel comfortable wearing this? I get it. It goes both ways. So, like we said before in the previous episode, now we're saying now it's not like a competition. We just wanted to point out some of these disparities and kind of make light of it, but bring a lot of these facts to the forefront so everybody can actually see and have that holy shit moment where you're like, I never thought of it like that or I didn't know that. And this is what it's about because, listen, we both have a heart in our own right and it just goes to show you, like you said, guys can have countless partners and women get scrutinized for it, but men also have to work to create their value because I know you're married, but even if you weren't, I know what the answer is going to be, you wouldn't pursue or have sex with a dude that's living at home, working a minimum wage job, has to take an Uber or borrow his parents' car to go everywhere. You'd have zero interest in that dude. Zero. That's true. Unless he was good looking. That only goes so far. I mean, women want protection. They want provisions. They want a superior in a man. I'm not saying that you're looking for a boss or a tyrant, but women want somebody who's stronger. Women want somebody who's taller. Women want somebody who's more competent. Women want somebody who makes more money. These are all things that, once again, I don't want to hear anyone say, oh, well, my husband is a stay-at-home dad. Yeah, good for you. I don't care. I'm just talking about generalizations. There's always going to be the exception to the rule, but we've got to be comfortable with these generalizations and we've got to be able to talk about them because in the end, it's not a competition. We're here to compliment each other. How miserable is existence if no men existed or no women existed? And the point of being upset in everything, we have to start using logic and just looking at things for what they are. I want to play this video. It's a former feminist, and I believe she was talking to a men's rights activist or she turned into a men's rights activist, and she has a unique spin on everything now. Instead of everything being a competition and getting offended because we live in an offended culture or victim culture, I want to play this, and I want you guys to hear it, and then you can start looking at things in society as this way and not necessarily saying, we're better at this or it's unfair that this person does that. To hear a sentence or even just a couple of words in succession that proved what I wanted to believe, that I have found the misogynist, the ground zero of the war on women. A couple of times I thought I had it. There was one men's rights activist that said to me, just walk outside and look around. Everything you see was built by a man. This statement felt anti-women. I felt my jaw clench, but I sat quietly while removing all the space between my upper and lower molars. Was that statement about men having built the skyscrapers and the bridges anti-women? I thought, well, what would be the gender reverse scenario? Maybe a feminist saying, just look around. Everyone you see was birthed by a woman. Wow, that's a powerful statement. And it's true. Is it anti-male? I don't think so. I think it's acknowledging our unique and valued contributions to our society. So Nicole, is she right? Is she wrong? I mean, even to go back to the point I was making, are we just too offended and we have to be the biggest victim in the room and say, oh, that's sexist, that's misogynist, that's racist? Or can we start looking at the world like this and say, men did this, women do that. Women do this much better. Men do this much better. And just live in harmony with each other instead of this competition of who's the bigger victim and who can't do this without that. And to her point where she wanted to be upset, but then she thought about it and said, well, yeah, men do most of the crappy and shitty jobs and dangerous jobs. And we do live in a world that men built, but everybody lives in a world that women built by birthing everybody. So we're all here because of women. We wouldn't exist without women. I agree with what she said. I think something I did want to touch on was how men are supposed to be big and tough and not have emotions and not show their feelings. And I did want to bring up, just because it does hit home for me, I did lose my father. I lost him to suicide. Sorry to hear that. Thank you. It's hard. I mean, I lost my mother not to suicide. I can only imagine how that impact was and how devastating it is. And I mean, you know, I did try to, my family, we tried to help him as much as we could, but I just feel like he was at such a point in his life where like, you know, I'm not worth anything because I'm a man and, you know, my, I have no money. My credit score dropped. Like, I can't afford this. I can't afford that. Like, he just saw no way out. And, you know, I think women have it harder, but I'm not saying that men don't have it hard. I feel like if he did seek proper treatment, you know, maybe he could still be here today. So I do, you know, I do think that men do have it hard. I can't sit here and say that you guys don't. That's very heavy handed to hear something like that. And like I said, we apologize for your loss and sorry to hear it, but to shed some light and to give people, if they didn't get an opportunity to listen to our podcast last week, I know we dropped a lot of facts, but 9% of men in the United States who have daily feelings of depression or anxiety, and this is all from National Health Survey. This is also off a CDC website with the perspective to suicide and mental health. One in three men took medication because of those feelings. One in four spoke with a mental health professional. 30.6% suffered from a period of depression in life. And men are four times the suicide rate than women. So it's significant. And like we said earlier, you got to seek help. You're not on an island by yourself. And the people who are determined to do it, unfortunately, are going to do it. But if you save one person, that's monumental. That's all you can hope to do is just save some of these people. Because in a dark place, like Nicole alluded to, you don't know what's going through some people's mind. And as men, like we mentioned in the last week's podcast, we burden ourselves with everything because it's just ingrained in us to be the protector, to be the provider, to have this beautiful family that you want to make proud of, and to put food on the table and the lights come on when you tell them to come on, and to keep it all in, right? And then not to share any emotions or feelings. And I don't really think that serves well, but I'm not saying there's not a time and a place in case you have to talk to somebody, or find an outlet, whatever it is, a hobby, or the gym, or something else, or just, like I said, talking to somebody. Because these things happen. Life isn't easy. Life is a pretty enduring tribulation. There's highs, there's lows, there's plateaus in between. And seriously, if you need help, seek it out. Talk to anybody. Don't be afraid. Don't be worried about being labeled soft, or scared, or hoarse, or anything. Call a helpline. Yeah, anybody. Reach out, friend, family member. And again, it's also the thought of how you would be leaving those behind. Or how can I say this? If you want to do right, or to help someone else help you, that's when you should be seeking help. Making that ultimate decision of ending your life, making that ultimate decision of ending your life, it may stop the prompt for you, or you may feel like it ended the prompt for you, but what about the rest of your family? What about those around you that are touched by just your presence, by just you being there? Yeah. I mean, we're definitely not going to end on that. We've got a couple questions, more to go for Nicole, and get some more insight and input. And one of those I want to touch on, because we got asked this on the Instagram page, is being a stay-at-home mom something to be frowned upon? Is being a career woman something that's really important? Or is that kind of just, I kind of go by the wayside once you have a child? I thought I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. Once I had my daughter, I was like, you know, I don't want to go back to work. I just want to be with her all day, every day. And that changed. I realized that I don't want to be a stay-at-home mom. I want to be able to get out and socialize. And I don't know if that's selfish. But it's not. I couldn't do it. So God bless the woman I do. It's human to want to be out and interact with others. Now, we do, with technology, have the ability to work from home. So a number of people have made the decision to work from home to spend more time with their children. So we do have that opportunity now, too, that people are taking full advantage of and are getting the best of both worlds. To that point, right, now, would you say, I'm going to be careful with words here, would you say you have a career or a job, for a point of reference, for argument's sake? I have a career. All right. So going back, we discussed this on the last podcast, saying by default, women are less agreeable, or more agreeable, I apologize, more agreeable than men. So people who are disagreeable tend to make more money and the like. So I came across a statistic I found is worthwhile. People who are loyal to one company are on average paid 50% less than those who switch jobs every two to three years. Now, with the way the economy and everything is, this is a little bit outside of what we're talking about, but it still has to do with female perspective. Do you think it's necessarily wise for women to have so-called careers and maybe not just jobs where they can come and go as you please? Like, to have that mixture of being, like I say, stay-at-home mom sometimes and having a job? Or do you think it's more worthwhile to have a career and invest in a job that clearly doesn't care about you? And this goes for guys too, because it's not just for women that don't care about you, don't pay you really what you deserve. And when you and your husband are both working and then you come home and bringing all your work problems home, do you think that serves anybody well? I think if you enjoy doing what you're doing, it helps. If you're just at a job, you know, that you hate. Collecting the paycheck. Yeah. I feel like that's definitely going to bring, not issues, I mean, it could bring issues home, you know, into your house, into your relationship. For me, I really love my company. I would never want to not be a part of my company. Would I give up hours to spend with my, like, I would give time up to spend more time with my daughter. But I could never let go of my job completely, if that makes sense. Like, I really enjoy doing what I do. I think it's funny I laugh because I think what's missing here is back in the day, the 40s or 50s, I don't even know if into the 60s. But stay at home moms, they marketed diet pills and it had methamphetamine in it. So these women were wired and we gave some stats of like how housework changed and everything is automated now versus physically washing and drying the clothes and sweeping and doing the floor because now vacuums and dishwashing. So there's a lot more time. But having, let's say, because we touched on this on a previous episode, like PEDs back in the day, marketing to housewives, that's exactly what they did is marketed to housewives. And they're taking these and they're just amped up all day getting everything done. I think for mental health purposes, to step away, like I said, it's a thankless job, to step away from your kids once in a while makes you appreciate them more, but also keeps your sanity. And I think I could be wrong and correct me if I am, I think having that choice is most important for people. It's not that you is having a career, but just having the choice to go to work, having the choice to any point you can say, screw it, I'm going to stay home with my kids. I don't want to do it anymore. You know, I'm attractive enough. I'm pretty enough. I'm competent enough. I can go get a job doing ABC XYZ tomorrow. And, you know, I think that helps a lot of stay at home mom lights, you know, like maybe stay home three days, four days out of the week. And I think it's very important because these kids, man, it's getting crazy. I saw some stats with like how high autism is and these allergies. And I think a lot of women, mothers, I should say, have a lot harder these days, have a lot more to worry about than 50, 60 years ago. So I like your point. To your point, I think it is important. But, you know, I want you to have the final word on that. And if you need to correct me, correct me because I'm just a dumb guy. No, I mean, I feel like a lot of people, I, I feel like a lot of women, you know, would rather be stay at home moms. That's not me. I thought it was. My daughter was colic. Oh, so wow. And I've been I have been working remote for the past three years. So um, that's gonna be a huge help. Yeah. I mean, like if she's ever sick, like, you know, she's with me, you know, she'll be all I'll work from home while she's there. But seeing my like, we're not having a job and just seeing myself like cleaning and like folding laundry all day, every day. Like I, that's not appealing. No, come on. I could never do that. Oh, man. I would go crazy. No, I could not. Yeah, it's, it's literally rinse and repeat, right? Everything you do is it's, like I said, it's thankless. You couldn't pay me enough money and to the stay at home moms. Listen, I got yeah, I remember those words my mom said and even, even then to to that point, when I was maybe 10, my brother was two years younger. So eight, my mother got back into the workforce. But she always made it a point to make sure she came home, we always had a home cooked meal. Every day of the week Fridays, we had pizza, that was the exclusion. Not till we got older high school, playing sports, girlfriend's house, this house party, whatever. It kind of started to taper off. But I think that's, that's very important to just have the choice. You know, she stayed at home during the most vital years, I would say until you get into school. And, you know, unless you're sick, you, you know, you can just go to school and just deal with it. So I like that. I like that perspective. I overall disagree. I think men have a harder but I appreciate all your opinions and the facts that you brought. And as we wind this down, I want to get any more input from you guys. Any more final statements, anything that we've missed anything that we should be talking about. So everyone can can hear one last time. Go ahead. Back to who have it worse, soft on crime, accusations flying. I wanted to get Nicole's take on a matter that that occurred probably about a year ago. What did you think about the whole Johnny Depp and Amber Heard situation? Um, I was team Johnny. Why? I don't know. I just there's something about her that I just don't like. I don't know her at all. But I just I like that you said that Nicole because women's intuition is paramount in a lot of places like you just knew. And I think a lot of women just know certain things. And us men, we always use logic more and we're a lot more analytical. So to us, we say that doesn't make sense. That's just a feeling. But I think for a lot of times, there's a lot to be said. There's a lot of accuracy in that statement. There's a lot of truth in that statement where she didn't know she just had a feeling and it wound up being true. And it's funny that you said that because I noticed not only people that I knew but also online on social media that most women probably gave the same response. They were on his side over accusations and they kind of like can sniff the bullshit. But the reason why I ask it is because I feel like that's a very simple example of what we were mentioning before about men being accused of certain things, losing a career, their lives being destroyed. I mean, the guy, as much as I hate him, I hate him just by his personality, things he's mentioned. And I'm not going to get too political, but his mentioning that isn't it about time that the president or a president was assassinated. Not only that. You just hate Pirates of the Caribbean. Well, the guy lost his opportunities and was dropped by that whole franchise. I think it was through Disney, if I'm not wrong, because of this situation. And it turned out to be, you know, we find out this chick was taking a shit on his bed. Yeah. What happens now? I don't think he- Have you seen him since in a movie? I saw him live. I saw him- In a movie? No, I went to see him at a concert. He played with- Concert? Exactly. That's exactly my point. His life has been destroyed over this. Oh, no, absolutely. What did he do in a concert? Singing? No, he plays guitar, I think. I'm not a huge Johnny Depp fan. I like him, but I'm not obsessed with him. Now, if I ever, not that the show's around anymore, who wants to be a millionaire, but I can- Yeah, yeah, he plays guitar. Here's the thing. I think it was a very simple example of how much harder a man has it because now he never gets that. He never gets that back. Those opportunities he missed out on, he never gets that back. And then what was her repercussions? I don't think she's been in anything. She probably just went to the club for free, got a couple of drinks by some guy and ruined someone else's life. He's talking about a guy who lost his career. I think something about $200 million that he had lost in that following movie he was supposed to play a part in. Yeah, but that's all hard. Hollywood BS is just so hard to decipher and cut through. I mean, look at Charlie Sheen, all the stuff that he did and he wound up making all the money after they hit him with the- I wonder if Hollywood made an example out of him for some reason. Who knows? Holly weirdos. Yeah, they're so weird, the pedophiles. Yeah, exactly. And we'll have to definitely have you on for that episode because it's so effing sideways. It's just- All right. But not to get too crazy, but I just wanted to wrap things up with that. Nicole, anything else you want to say before we let you plug your Instagram and where everyone can find you again for being such a good guest and everything and stepping up to the plate? So any last words, anything you want to send out there? I just feel like both genders have it hard, both men and women. And again, I just want men to know that it's okay to get help. That's very important, it is. And I know it hits home for you, so I know that's very heartfelt. And to double down on that, stop being judgmental, everyone. Nobody knows what anyone is going through out there. People are fighting demons all the time. Parents taken away from us. You see, like Nicole mentioned, miscarriage and people's struggles. And in life, if somebody's down, strike up a conversation, just be a decent human, see what's going on, ask some questions, be engaged. And that's why we're here. We're here, yeah, sure, to provide the entertainment, to bring these stats up, to have these conversations. I don't want to say arguments, but I'll use the word debate here. But you can do it civilly. You can exchange ideas, you can agree to disagree. For all we know, and when I was talking to Nicole, I wanted it to be like an organic moment. I didn't want to know what her answer was prior to. So I'm glad she went this way to make a hell of a show. But I mean, like she said, it could really go either way. And it's, I hate to say this, I said this last time, I got to say, not everyone, I know there's somebody out there sitting somewhere saying, well, you don't know what it's like to be me. And I get it, I get it. But there's just generalizations. There's not the exceptions. These are the rules. So I have one question for you guys. As men, could you imagine getting your period every month? You know, it's funny, they say that men kind of do that. And even more, when they get older, they go through something called andropause, where their testosterone levels just drop off and they get very irritable and cranky and all that stuff. Like I said, I couldn't imagine how the stuff you women go through. That's one week, maybe sometimes more. Or I've heard stories where it's very problematic and, you know, a handful of medication involved. And it comes every month, there's nothing you can really do, it's just there. You got to deal with it. And like I said, it just forget being having a period, but being pregnant for nine months, swollen, morning sickness, tired, uncomfortable, responsible for another human life. No, thanks. I think, you know, it was mentioned in our last episode that this is also a good topic for us to raise awareness of the things that the other gender, the other sex goes through that we don't really think about on a daily basis. You know, when I think of who has it harder, I would agree with a lot of things, including what you just mentioned, girls going through their periods at a young age. Imagine having to go through that as a young kid. Imagine that going to school and now girls are having a younger age and just in the middle of lunch. I got my period during lunch for the first time. And it is, it's younger and younger. I know of situations myself that, of, you know, kids in their primary grades, first, second grade having to now take hormonal... Did you just say first, second grade? Hormonal medications. Hormonal medications because certain things are early in onset, just to slow those things down. So, again, I think it's a good opportunity for us to appreciate what the other sex goes through. We will never know the pain that a woman has to go through during childbirth. We will never know the pain that a woman has to go through when being left by a man who she truly loved. Sexual assault. Don't want to go there. We will not, yes. We don't go through that as much as they do. So, I mean, it's a great, like I said, a great opportunity for us to bring these things to light and to appreciate the other sex. Again, it's not a conversation of who wins, who has it harder. Oh, you know, you should appreciate me more. But it's bringing these things to light. Well, to tie everything back into how we started with Raw Bass, it takes two. When I was listening to a bunch of songs, I know we did Saul and Pepper, What a Man, right, for the intro of the last one to kind of inflate our egos a little bit. But it does take two to make a thing go right. And you both have to work at it. Everyone has struggles. Try your best every day is a work in progress. You're going to fight. You're going to bring crap home from work that you don't want to. You're going to have to apologize. You're going to have to swallow your pride. You're going to have to maybe, I mean, I guess this is geared towards more men, you might have to sleep on the couch every once in a while. But I mean, like Leo just said, this isn't a competition. Who's this? We wanted to bring some light. We want to have a little bit of fun with it. That's why we phrased it. Who has it harder? We had awesome engagement and feedback from everyone on Instagram. A huge shout out to Nicole to come on because that's huge. I'm glad she was able to be vocal and articulate her point of view so well. Thank you for having me. No problem. No problem. And this is what it's about. We continue to appreciate you guys reaching out and asking the questions and being engaged and listening and everything. Without this conversation, we won't have these opportunities to learn from each other. So, let's continue to build these opportunities for conversation. And remember that it's not about who's got it worse, who's got it better. Without the other, we're nothing. Right. Remember that. It's a miserable experience. Think about it. Real quick, this will be the last thing I share. I thought about the Bible and I thought about in Genesis when man created by God was unhappy with all of the creatures and was unfulfilled. And what did he ask for? He asked for a creature that is now my bones, bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman, taken out of man. That is why a man leaves his father and a mother and is united with his wife and become one flesh. And hopefully, conversations like these can continue to bring us together. That's excellent. I'm glad you left off on that because that's powerful. And that's what it's all about is coming together, forming a family, hopefully having children, being fruitful, being productive members of society. And before we head off, Nicole, tell everyone where they can find you. Hit the Instagram, anything else you want to promote, let us know because we appreciate you coming on and you're an awesome guest. Thank you so much. Yeah, my Instagram again is NicoleForever underscore. You can always DM me. I like to think of myself as very friendly, so I always answer DMs. She does. She's very good. Don't be fearful. She's awesome. Thank you. So definitely reach out. Go check her out. You know, if you guys want to check us out, you know where to find us. Instagram, SavingOurSociety. Twitter, SavingOurSociety. Take the G off. Our link tree is up on the website, so you guys can just follow the latest podcast. Let's take us out, Leo. Have a good night, everybody. Special thanks to Nicole again, and we'll see you guys next week. See you next week.