Christian Family Hour Radio - "The Act of Forgiveness"

The main ideas from this information are about the importance of forgiveness and the negative effects of holding onto unforgiveness. It emphasizes that forgiveness is required by God and that harboring resentment can lead to physical and mental health issues. It also discusses the power of forgiveness to set oneself and others free. The conversation touches on the impact of unforgiveness on communication within families and the need to address and resolve conflicts in order to maintain healthy relationships. We're going to be reading this evening from 1 Peter, the fourth chapter, starting at the seventh verse. The end of all things is near, therefore be clear-minded and self-controlled that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others faithfully, administering God's grace in all its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Christ Jesus. To him be the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen. Father, we thank you for a wonderful time, O God, of sharing, of just ministering to your people as they minister back to us through their encouraging words and the love gifts that they give. O God, we pray right now that you would just bless this program to be a blessing to your people. We pray for those who are struggling, O God, those families who are going through a lot of turmoil and strife. We pray for peace right now, God. We pray that you would just move in their lives in a special way, move in the families, O God, those children who are unhappy and hurt and broken. We pray, O God, that you would just speak your word of healing right now. contemplating separation and divorce, O God. We pray that you would bring about reconciliation right now. We pray, O God, that you would just allow your people to enjoy all the fullness that you intended for us to have in the family environment. We thank you. We give you all the glory and all the praise. In Jesus' name we pray, amen. Okay, Robin, we're going to get started with our topic today, and it's one that we've touched on before, and it's one that is definitely needed. Yeah, what we're going to do, Matt, is going to be two parts. It's going to be the destructive power of unforgiveness, and then we would like to talk about the power of forgiveness. Okay, Robin, when we talk about unforgiveness, what basically do we mean? Unforgiveness is a decision to resent someone and a desire to injure them in some fashion, and it's usually because they did something to hurt us, and I know all of us at one time or another have been hurt by somebody, and we can choose to allow that pain to just totally consume us. We wonder why they're so bitter, and we wonder why they are angry, and we wonder why they're resentful. Oftentimes, it's because of something that hurt them deeply in the past. That's very true. It reminds me of a story I was reading in the newspaper about there was a situation where a man had murdered the daughter of this husband, their daughter, and you know how they get up and they talk, and once they're sentenced, they share their feelings about the situation and get to vent their frustrations and feelings toward that person, and I remember one gentleman, I saw it on the news and it was also in the paper, he told a guy, he said, no matter what happens, I will never forgive you for this, and I understand that in situations like that, the hurt can be so intense and so bad, but that's one thing that God requires of us. Even though people do things that are very painful, they do things that may harm a loved one or hurt our feelings in a terrible way, we still have to have or find it in our hearts because the Bible says that we have to forgive because it says if we don't forgive, neither will your Father, which is in heaven, forgive you your trespasses. Yeah, Matthew, that's very, very heavy. I know more people are held in bondage physically, financially, and spiritually due to unforgiveness than for any other reason, but one of the most important truths that we can learn as Christians is the power of forgiveness to set ourselves and others free, so that shows you right there that unforgiveness is a type of bondage, and sometimes, I don't know, we feel that if we don't forgive somebody, we're hurting that other person, I mean, we are in a way, but most of all, I think we're hurting ourselves. That's very true. In my reading, it says, harboring resentment has been linked to many physical and mental complaints. We can become locked in the straitjacket of our own resentment. It has been described as a videotape in the mind playing its tormenting reruns, shackling us to the unremitting pain of a raging memory. I believe that's very descriptive, but very true because when we harbor that resentment and that unforgiveness, it affects us not only spiritually, but also mentally, and eventually it will affect you physically, where you can find yourself actually getting sick because there's so much bitterness and resentment. That's true, Matthew. I know sicknesses like high blood pressure, ulcers, mental illness, there's a lot of mental illness, and a lot of it is traced right back to hardcore unforgiveness. I remember a member of my family that would bring up a lot of times the way she was treated as a child, and I guess it was so deeply rooted in her that it caused her to be unpleasant to be around because she talked about it, and you could see the bitterness right there. I really feel that God, your praise is hindered, your worship is hindered, your prayers are hindered. When you harbor bitterness and resentment. That's true. That's very true. I just want to read a scripture, Robin, in the book of St. Mark, Mark 11, and I'll read from the 22nd through the 26th verses. And Jesus answering saith unto them, Have faith in God, for verily I say unto you, that whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea, and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass, he shall have whatsoever he saith. Therefore I say unto you, what things soever you desire when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you shall have them. And when you stand praying, forgive, if you have ought against any. You know, that's something because Jesus didn't limit as to who you could forgive. He said, if you have ought against anybody, that you have any bitterness or ill feelings, or do you have to forgive, that your Father also, which is in heaven, may forgive your trespasses. And this, this is really the clincher here. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father, which is in heaven, forgive your trespasses. So we find that God requires us to forgive each other before he will forgive us our trespasses. Yeah, that's kind of scary, Matt. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Very scary. You know, you really don't think about it like that, you know, in that context, but the Bible, you know, is very plain. That's very true. And you know, something else, too, that I read in the Scripture, like even when Jesus was, you know, whipped and spat up on and, you know, like we know that the Easter season is getting ready to come. And we know how, when he hung on the cross, his prayer was, Father, forgive them for they know not what they do. Know not what they do. And sometimes that's the way we have to be. That's true. We just have to say, Lord, help me to forgive them for they know not what they do. Right. And sometimes it's a pride thing. We figure that, well, if I give in and forgive that person, then that makes me the weaker vessel. Right, right. And in reality, That's the trick of the enemy. It is. But in reality, it's a source or it's a sign of strength. That's true. Well, what it does, and when I say there's a trick of the enemy, it creates an environment for really Satan to work in, because when there's unforgiveness, then he can bring about so many other things, hate, hatred, jealousy, and even murder, you know. So we have to find that what forgiveness does, it eliminates that environment to allow the enemy to work in. Therefore, he becomes basically unable to do the things that he would like to do in your life because he has to have a certain environment, you know, in order to function. So I think it's, you know, this is a really good topic. It's going to help me. I know. Amen. Something else that, as you were talking, Matthew, I know in our dealings with family issues, there was one thing that came up. I remember we were invited to a group of women and, you know, we went, you remember, we went around. Yeah. And one of the issues or problems that came up more than once was the problem of communication in the family. Right. And to me, unforgiveness really is one of the reasons why parents or husband and wife stops communicating. That's true. The children stop communicating. And to me, it's a tool, like you said, of the enemy. Right. Where he uses that miscommunication. And it might not even be, you know, really any substance to it. That's true. But because of, you know, miscommunication, unforgiveness, one thing leads to another. That's very true. And before you know it, I mean, I know it's pretty dramatic, but sometimes it can be the cause of divorce. That's true. Just because of something so minor, starting off minor, and it just snowballs. There's just a snowball effect. So, I don't know, the Bible talks about not going to, you know, letting the sun go down on your anger. On your wrath. That's true. Your anger. That's true. And to me, it's just worth it. I mean, it doesn't mean that you're wrong or you're right. Right. But just the fact that there's a situation that was created and the enemy, that's his business. That's his job. I think it just behooves us to just come together, communicate. If there's anything that I've done wrong, forgive me. You know, just be that bigger person. That's true. And like I said, it doesn't always mean that you're in the wrong, but just being that bigger person to say, just forgive me, even if it's for the miscommunication. Now, Robin, the act of forgiveness. Do you think it's something where you actually have to go to that person and ask them to or let them know that you forgive them for what they did? Or can you just pray and say, God, you know, so-and-so hurt me, but I forgive them. Let's just kind of deal with that just for a moment. How is the act of forgiveness carried out? I think you could do it both ways. Especially if you were hurt very, very deeply to the point of your spirit is totally broken and maybe you just don't have that strength and that courage at the moment to go to that person. And I think that's the time that you go before God. Because to me, forgiving somebody is not totally a natural... No, no, it really isn't. It isn't. It's almost natural to hold that bitterness and resentment. It's almost like a divine... Yeah, it is. ...action. There has to be some divine intervention. Right. In some situations, there has to be divine intervention. Right. So go before God. Pray about it. Ask Him to take it out. Because you could just go to that person and say, forgive me, or I forgive you, and maybe you really don't mean it in your heart. So it's a matter of the heart. That's true. So, like I said, if you were hurt like totally deep in your heart, pray about it. Go before God. Ask Him to heal you, to mend your heart, and give you the courage and also create the atmosphere where you can go to that person. So, yes, I do believe you need to go to that person at some point and ask for forgiveness even if you're not the person that's in the wrong. Right. That's very true. And another thing, while you were saying, I was thinking, forgiving someone doesn't necessarily mean that you have to forget all the things that they do to you. Many times we think we have to go and act like nothing ever happened, which makes us vulnerable. If someone has some evil intentions, they can continue to do it. And I don't think that God requires us to allow people just to continually hurt us and berate us. But we have to use Godly wisdom knowing that we can forgive someone even though we don't forget what they've done to us. But yet, we don't use that as a springboard to try to get back at them or try to retaliate in any way. But you know, Matt, that's a natural human instinct to get revenge. Yes. It feels good sometimes. Yeah, well, yeah. Yeah, it does. But we have to go to the Lord in prayer about it. And ask Him to help us and help us to have the mind of Jesus. Help us to think, like, is this what Jesus would do? No. No, it's natural. And you're right. You have to work on it, you know, because, you know, you're driving down the street. Someone may cut you off or they may do something that's just totally crazy. And then look at you like it's your fault. And then they drive away. I can't help but kind of feel sometimes, you know, that I sure wish... Now, now, let's keep the mind of Christ. Okay, okay. All right. I won't go into that. But anyway, let me just read a little more. I'm getting ready to get off into something else here. Some of the most difficult and painful traumas many people have to cope with result from hurtful experiences that happened in childhood. This may be especially difficult both to diagnose and deal with. This is because we were so vulnerable when they happened and lacked the maturity to deal with them. And also because such things get very deep in our subconscious. But here again, forgiveness must at least become part of the process if healing is to occur. That's a really good point. I read that because it's going to take us to something else I wanted to share with and get some of your input on. Childhood pains and hurts are the cause of a lot of the unforgiveness and actions that we do as adults. And she brought up a really good point, the fact that they get buried in the subconscious. So you find yourself acting and reacting to things that may have happened, you know, years ago. And you really don't understand why, you know, why you do certain things or why you feel, you know, feel a certain way about certain people. So we have to really deal with this unforgiveness thing if it's going to be effective. Even teaching our children when they're, you know, when they're young, you know, when different things happen, situations where one child was hurt by another or hurt by a playmate. I believe that's where forgiveness has to initially start. That's true. That's why in raising and training your children, it's good to teach them to communicate. Like if something happens to them, it's kind of a natural thing for some people just to bury that. Yes. Don't talk about it and become ashamed or whatever. Right. We really need to have that open communication with each other and with our children and let them know that they can come to you with any situation, any problem. That's just something that we need to teach our children, you know, as parents. That's true. That's very true. Yeah, because I know personally I can think back of things that happened, you know, when I was young and it wasn't until, you know, I got saved and God began to reveal to me a lot of the things that I do now or used to do, you know, prior to accepting Christ were because of a lot of things that happened when I was young. So I think it's very important, parents, and if you're listening, that you find out the hurts and, you know, because children will talk about it. If you have a good relationship with your children, they will share with you those things that, you know, may have hurt them. And we have to deal with those things as soon as possible so that they can learn how to get that bitterness out of them through forgiveness and just really expressing, you know, the fact that, yeah, you hurt me, but I'm not going to harbor this against you for any, you know, length of time. You know what, Matt? Sometimes we fear having therapy, and that's something that kind of runs in our culture. It's kind of like some people feel it's a taboo, but I really encourage those who have a loved one that is hurting, that you know that there's a lot of anger there, there's resentment, unforgiveness there, to go to a Christian counselor. And I know some churches that have pastors and Christian ministers, leaders, that deal with situations, family situations like this, problems like this that run in the family. So I really encourage our listeners, if you have a child, you have a teen, you have a husband or a wife that, you know, you've prayed about it, and you've brought it before the Lord, but we need to go another step. We need to go a step further, and that's to get, I really believe that Christian counseling is in order. That's true. That's very true. Okay, I'm going to read one more little part, and then we're going to take a break. And it's just a little story. Graciela Martinez tells how she learned to forgive when her 15-year-old son, recently having become a Christian, was executed under Cuba's Batista regime. Don't hate them, the boy had urged that morning as they huddled in their last embrace. Forgive them, mamacita, forgive them, or they will be the victors. But she could not. In my heart, she recalls, I vowed revenge I would get even with his assailants. For 10 years, Graciela Martinez carried the burden of that hatred, fueling it with plots and plans for retaliation. At a workshop on forgiveness, she said, I only forgave when I saw how destructive my hate was, how it consumed my energies, crippled my friendships, and disabled any good that I wanted to do. I wanted to be freed from the prison I had erected in my life. I saw finally the truth of my son's last words, that when we return hatred to those who hate us, we fall into playing their game according to their rules and do them the great favor of hurting ourselves.