Balance Episode 2

The speaker discusses the idea of finding balance in life and how it is important to be present in the moment and accept it as it is. They emphasize the need to let go of expectations and desires while still setting intentions. The speaker acknowledges that being in the moment can be challenging, especially for parents, but it is necessary to allow the flow of life and not resist it. They also suggest various techniques, such as shaking the body or journaling, to help bring oneself back to center when feeling overwhelmed. Overall, the speaker encourages embracing the challenges of life and finding balance through non-attachment and presence. Hello! How are you doing today? Oh, how are we doing? I hope you're feeling good and energized and had a good night's sleep and feeling in flow. Maybe you're feeling a little out of whack, a little frazzled. However you feel today, I just want to say thank you so much for tuning in. I really appreciate it. This is truly such an honor and a privilege for me to have this opportunity to try to go deeper with you and yeah, I hope you're feeling good. It's funny how different we feel from day to day. Some days we wake up, we feel really energized, really in flow. Some days we wake up and we can just sense that, ooh, we're frazzled and maybe need to do a little like grounding and resetting. So yeah, I'm excited. So it's funny because a couple days ago I was prepping some mental notes to have this conversation, this conversation of how do we find balance in our lives? Like how do we find balance between being a mom, running a business maybe, life, having to go get groceries, pay bills, like how do we find balance? And I thought it was really funny because here I am, I was pushing my four-month-old in the stroller, my three-year-old was to the side of me, he wanted me to hold him and then my five-year-old was in the yard digging and I thought, wow, this is such a good jumping-off point to have this conversation about balance because in that moment I had this thought, I had lots of thoughts, but one of the thoughts was, ah, I wish I could be at the coffee shop, one of our beachside coffee shops, sipping a nice matcha, just so I could have the space and the quiet to be able to connect with my thoughts and be able to excavate all of this inner wisdom I have, that we all have, and I thought this is so fitting because this is where the conversation about balance really begins. It's this idea that, well I should say, we can't be in balance if we're wishing that the moment was any different than what it is. So to wish that the moment is any different than what it actually is in the moment is to be out of flow with our lives and to all of a sudden start creating this imbalance. So really we need to ask ourselves, how can we be in this moment and allow it to be just as it is? But it doesn't really mean that we don't have intentions, goals, and desires. We can still set those. We can have intentions to grow our business. We can have intentions to plant the garden in the backyard or, I don't know, just get laundry done. We can set those intentions, but how do we exist in the moment untethered to those desires where we're just in this state of allowance? Because allowance is where we can find balance. So I was thinking about that and I was like, oh gosh, the very idea that I wish that I could be at the coffee shop so I could have more space is putting me out of flow. Really I need to just be in the state of allowance in the moment and allow the medicine of the moment. So the question I think we can ask ourselves is not how do we find balance, but how can we let go of what balance is supposed to look like? Do you guys feel me on that? Like how can we let go of what this moment is supposed to look like? How can we let go of what cooking a dinner for your family is supposed to look like? Like can we let go of what starting a business is supposed to look like? And really the question is can we let it be messy? Can we let it be messy? Can we let it be unrefined? Can we be in the practice of allowing this moment to be what it is, untethered to our desires, but also in this state of trust, like knowing that, okay, well the dishes are going to get done. Okay, well if I set the intention that my business is going to grow and I just am in allowance in this moment, trusting that your business is going to grow, but letting go of what it's supposed to look like in the moment. And I think that there's a really important sort of side conversation, like a conversation that's parallel to this that we can talk about too, is so if you're, if we're in this, in this space of living in the moment, allowing it to be what it is, letting go of what it's supposed to look like, and just allowing, the reality is, is that it's not only is going to feel good, the truth though is that it will feel good more often because when we're living in a state of resistance and wishing that the moment was any different than what it is, that's when we create imbalance, that's when we're not in flow with our lives, that's how we just live in this ungrounded, uncentered space. We want to bring ourselves back to center, but the side parallel conversation we could have is that sometimes being in that moment is hard. Being a mom is hard. It is really hard work. Sometimes when I'm just sitting there and I am in that moment where I'm wanting to just connect with my thoughts and I realize that I can't, I'm just here in this moment, I'm raising babies, the truth doesn't matter, is that it's hard, it's so hard, but that doesn't necessarily mean that we're out of balance. Just because things are hard doesn't mean that your life isn't in balance, that our lives are not in balance and we're not in flow. Really, if we can let the challenge of life, if we can meet life in that place where it's challenging and let it flow through us without grasping to the future, which when we grasp to the future or anticipating something in the future, that's when we're feeling anxiety and anxious and we don't want to be looking back to the past, comparing this moment to the past, because that's when we start feeling, you know, that feeling of nostalgia. That's a really slippery slope because that's often can be, like, the shadow of that would be depression. So we have these sort of depressed feelings. So what we want to do is be in the moment and allow the moment to be as it is, but also meet it for what it is at times, which is challenging. Like, being a mom is challenging. Being in a conscious relationship where you're having to, you know, co-exist with somebody who has their own baggage and their own life history, no matter how much you love them, I mean, you're, let's say you're, you know, you're married, you're a partner, you make that choice, but that doesn't mean that it's easy. So could we let go of what it's supposed to look like? Can we let go of this idea that the moment is only easy, the moment only feels balanced and full of joy? Can we let go of that? And I think that when we are doing that, there's actually, the word in Sanskrit is aparigraha, and that is the art of non-attachment, which means just not being attached to our, not being attached to anything outside of the moment. So when we start doing that, that is when we can let the real life force to flow through us, and that's when we start clearing, we start clearing energy, because we're letting energy move through us instead of grasping to something that is outside of the moment. And I have to reiterate this, the moment doesn't only feel easy, it can feel really hard. Often as a parent, I have these moments when it's hard, and it's not only hard, but it gives me this creepy, crawly feeling under my skin. I almost, it feels like rage, and I will truthfully say that I'm a very, very patient mother. I'm something I'm very proud of. I'm very patient with my children, yet I feel the rage sometimes, and that's just a physical response in my body, and a lot of times it's not even because I'm wishing that the moment was different, it's just that the moment is hard, and I'm feeling pulled in all of these directions, and I don't know how to meet the moment for what it is, and when I don't know how to do that, I have these really big feelings. So one would be like rage, or anger, or resentment. A lot of times that will transmute into resentment towards my partner for not being there, and not being a better help, and that I have to carry all this weight on my shoulders. So all of a sudden I get lost in the moment, and I don't really, I can't find my center because I'm feeling these feelings. So then when we're feeling that, and we're feeling really out of balance, what can we do to bring ourselves back to center? What are some things, tools, that we can put in our toolboxes so that we can bring ourselves back to center when the moment is really hard? I've been recently exploring this idea of literally just shaking my body, like shaking my hands, shaking my body, just getting some of that stuck energy just out, like moving the energy, moving it through your body so that you can make space to like transmute it, and feel something different other than just rage or resentment. Just moving it, like shake your body, move it, get your heart rate up is another thing I was kind of thinking about this morning. It's not something that I necessarily have explored, but I was thinking, oh just do a sprint around your house. It might sound silly, but you're moving energy. So when you're feeling really stuck in that moment, the challenge point in the moment is a little too, it's too much to navigate. Move the energy, and it doesn't mean that you have to go, you know, you have to go draw yourself a half-hour bath or go do a yoga class. Those things are so great, and that is, that's a whole other piece, but I'm just talking about being stuck in the moment and not being able to meet the challenge point, especially when you have children who you need to take care of, and you can't just, you can't just step away. You have to meet their needs. You can't just step away. So how can you move the energy? Another thing that I love to do is to do a quick journal, journaling, like a journal entry when I'm feeling that stuck energy. Go to the journal and write as if you were the person who was able to meet that challenge point. So if I were feeling the rage and the resentment, I would go into my journal and I would write basically the opposite, just to kind of let my brain know that this is what we're working towards, because language is so powerful. When you write and when you speak things, your brain is going to try to bridge the gap between what is happening here in the moment and what you're speaking out or writing out into the world. So if you're taking time and you're going to write a quick journal entry, it could look something like, I am patient. I am a loving partner. I mean, you know, I'm sure you guys could think of a million things. I am an anchor to my family. I don't crack under pressure. I am strong. This isn't really like a sophisticated, that's not maybe exactly what I would write, but you guys get the idea. So going in and writing something, speaking something out that isn't, even though it isn't what you feel in the moment, letting your brain know, hey, it's time to bridge the gap and then you can start working through moving that energy. So those are a few ideas. I'd love to hear what ideas you guys have. What are you doing to move some of this energy? What are you doing to get through some of those really, really challenging moments in the day? Like I said, it's hard. It's definitely hard, but I think that when we're letting go of what it looks like, I just want to reiterate that, when we're letting go of what it's supposed to look like, and letting go of what it's supposed to feel like, so that we can let the true feeling come up. And when we let our true feelings come up, then we can start truly expressing our true experience. Letting go of what we think it's supposed to feel like to be a mother. Letting go what we think it's supposed to feel like to be in a partnership with somebody. Letting go of what you think, any of it, like this is really personal, but in my intimate relationship with Joe, having a lot of intimacy blocks when it came to anything physical. And we were having this conversation about it time and time again, over years really. And finally, I just realized, could I let go of what it's supposed to feel like? Being intimate with my partner, after three kids, can I let go of what it's supposed to feel like, and just let the moment be, and be in surrender of that moment. And it wasn't until I just surrendered and said, I don't know what this is supposed to feel like, that I could really let the truth and the medicine of the moment come through. And I healed. So every opportunity, every moment is an opportunity to heal. Every moment we'll have the medicine that we need to heal and to bring our lives into balance. Whether the moment is hard, whether it's easy, whether, you know, whatever it feels like, the moment holds the medicine. And yeah, it's just incredible. I don't think that there is any such thing as balance. I don't think, oh, you have 40% of motherhood, 40% of entrepreneurship, 20% of self-care, where you're working out in the morning and doing your things, and all of a sudden you feel balanced. I think that balance is this choice that we make every single moment to be right here in it, no matter what it looks like. And we also, you know, again, like parallel conversation, we let the moment be hard. Another parallel conversation would be, we're also working, there's this thread of intention and desire and goals, and we're also filling up that cup. We know that we have these desires to, whatever it is, grow a business, to scale a business, to be an incredible homeschooling mama. You know, you have these intentions, but like I said, small intentions, maybe just getting dinner on the table. You have these intentions, and you trust that you are always working towards those goals. So I hope this resonates with you. I think there's so much in our culture that is, this is the quick way to find balance, and we're always trying to quantum leap into just, without doing the work of being in the moment, like we want to find just some formula to get us to like quantum leap through the actual process, but that doesn't work. We're just these beings that can only exist in the moment, and I have a lot of mixed feelings about social media. I'm actually in a space right now where I really enjoy social media, and I'm enjoying Instagram, which is so funny because that wasn't me before. But one of the things that I see is the problem with Instagram is that first it pulls you out of the moment, it's pulling you out of your present moment, and then it's planning these sort of like subconscious, there's a subconscious programming going on that how you are existing in the moment isn't good enough. So it's pulling you out of the moment, and then it's planting these sort of like, oh success looks like drinking the iced matcha at the beachside coffee shop. Success looks like that, and also having very, you know, your children are dressed in these beautiful neutral clothing, and like they're groomed, and their hair is brushed, and then you, you know, when you come to, when you pull off of that platform, and you come back into your life, and you're trying to create something, I wanted to create this conversation with you about boundaries, all of a sudden I'm trying to create something, and I look at my life, and I think, oh like how we brushed our teeth today, like I, you know, our, my three-year-old wants me to hold him, I, you know, I need to make lunch still, and I'm still trying to create from that place. So the issue with the social media is that sometimes when you pull back, and you come back into your reality of the moment, it's that much harder to get grounded and re-centered. So we have to be really intentional with how we're using social media. We want to make sure we're using it to build inspiration. We want to create more than we consume on there. Those are things that are going to help us bring us back to center. We always want to be coming back to center. Another thing, so I was talking about tools in the toolbox, shaking your body, getting your heart rate up. I also maybe do a big glass of water with salt to really like hydrate and nourish my body. Maybe go for a run around the house, do what you can, journal. And then another thing is start honoring your boundaries. That is something that we, as women especially, we need to, in a culture where you're sort of always putting yourself second, we really need to start tapping into this present moment, honoring how we feel, and then setting boundaries that are going to make sure that we're always being brought back to our center, because that's where the magic happens. That's where magic happens. So we want to be bringing ourselves back to center and being really hyper aware of what's pulling us off of center, and it not being personal. Honestly, there's been, you know, there's friendships I've had that all of a sudden with this, you know, I'm growing, I'm growing, all of a sudden when I go to spend time with them it doesn't feel right. I leave, I don't feel filled up from the conversation. Maybe I feel a little drained, and then I realize I'm really pulled off of center. It's harder for me to connect with my goals and my desires and my intentions. It's pulling me away from that, because that's like the path. You know, we're here in this moment, and then your goals, desires, and intention are like the path in front of you. So, you know, it's pulling me away from that path in my center, and unfortunately you just have to let things fall away that don't align with you anymore, and that's okay. It's so okay. The sooner that we can let things melt away and honor what we need, which is so challenging at first, and then it gets easier, I think. Like it gets easier to like notice where energy leaks are in your life the more you say yes to yourself. Yeah, that's just another tool, that's another thing that we need to make sure that we're doing as women, just as people in general, and just speaking from a female perspective. Saying no and not making, not saying yes to things that we know we're going to pull us away from center. Really honoring her, honoring that that is inside of you, her, she. Getting to know her again, getting to look at her in the moment and say I know this is hard, and you're doing awesome. I hope this is a fun conversation. I love talking about balance. It is definitely an art, a pari graha. It's an art of non-attachment. It's something, it's the crux of life. I think it really is at the heart of what disconnects us from truth, and you know, this idea that balance is outside of us. Balance is right here, right now. It's happening right here in this moment. Even if you're tired and your toddler is hungry or your partner is being a little cranky, balance is right here in the moment, allowing. I love you guys so much. I really enjoy this. I love just connecting. I would love to have more conversations like this with you. So if you're following me on Instagram or anything, just let me know if any of this resonates. I really want to go deeper this year. This is really the work. I'm just now finding language to be able to communicate some of my, you know, my inner, my inner workings. Like really just trying to express myself, and I want to learn how to express together hand-in-hand, just growing together so that we can just live these really, really rich, full lives together where our minutes are just full. You know, when you're arriving in the moment, you really, you start to bend time. When you're present in the moment, when you're present in the minute, the minute stretches. You're starting to bend time, and you just can accomplish so much more, and there's so much more space for all of the life that's happening, and there's more space for like prana, life force, to move through you. And yeah, I'm excited to grow with you guys. I hope you have an awesome, awesome, balanced, inflow, miraculous, magnetic day.