Episode 100

Dr. Ray Calabrese shares his personal experiences with grief and healing in his podcast. He discusses the ups and downs of grieving, emphasizing that healing is possible and that love always triumphs. In episode 100, he recounts a day where he initially had plans but was unexpectedly drawn to clean out a box in his garage. As he goes through the box, he discovers meaningful items that bring back memories of his late partner, Babe. This unexpected surprise brings him joy and reminds him of the love they shared. Dr. Calabrese encourages listeners to embrace the surprises and heartwarming memories that may come when going through belongings of their lost loved ones. He ends the episode with words of encouragement and invites listeners to connect with him through his blog or email. Hi, I'm Dr. Ray Calabrese. Welcome to my podcast, Journey from Grief to Healing. Grieving is difficult. I know. I lost my best friend in life after a long marriage. In this series of podcasts, you'll discover what you are experiencing physically and emotionally is normal. Healing is possible. Remember, love always wins. Life will get better. Episode 100. Some days I wake up and I know exactly how my day is going to unfold. Other days I wake up with a clear idea of how my day will unfold, and 30 minutes later I've passed through plans B, C, and D, and I'm hanging on with my baby finger, wondering where I'll land. Today fell somewhere in between having my day all figured out and having it all fall apart. It began simple enough. I was sitting at the breakfast bar, eating my oatmeal and enjoying a hot cup of coffee, scrolling through my iPad, checking out the news and any interesting YouTube videos. I was halfway through my second cup of coffee, catching up with the latest news, when an errant thought slammed its brakes and parked in my conscious mind. You ever had that happen to you? It's like one of those songs that you're hearing and all of a sudden you just can't get it out of your head. This was one of those times. The thought was telling me to clean out the bedroom closet or go through some boxes in the garage that hadn't been opened since Babe and I moved into this house. I refilled my coffee and thought, closet, garage, closet, garage, bad ideas. I decided either choice was too much work and absolutely no fun. I finished my breakfast, cleaned up my breakfast dishes and eating area. I brushed my teeth and worked on my blog. That pesky thought wouldn't leave. It just hung around. I decided to go to the gym. When I walked into the garage, I couldn't help but stare at the large plastic boxes stacked one on top of the other, three high, against the side wall. Well, not today. I'm not going to open them. I've got things to do. I prefer to lift weights and go on the elliptical machine than to lift boxes. An hour and a half later, I returned home, all sweaty and smelling ripe. The thought was still hanging out with me. I looked at the boxes and decided, okay, I'll do one box before I shower. Surely it wouldn't be hard to clean out one box. It was a large green plastic box. I lifted it down, placed it on the floor. The box top had duct tape crisscrossed over the top and down the sides. I thought Babe must have been in charge of this box. It was wrapped up so securely. I surely wouldn't have made it that secure. Five minutes later, I won the battle with the duct tape. Well, it was sort of a victory. The crisscrossed duct tape was still on the cover, but the cover was off the box. It was time to dig in. It's been a bit since Babe died, but I saw memories peeking up at me. There was no order to what was placed in the box. It appeared to be a catch-all. The last box filled when we moved to Texas from Columbus, Ohio. It was a right-brained ray job for sure. There were books, knick-knacks, placemats, a statue of St. Francis, and a large black Bible. And that was only the top layer. I didn't dare stick my hand underneath the top layer. It was just too much. I reached down and picked up the Bible. Babe and I would read from it, and it was always kept bedside. The binding on the Bible was frayed and torn. I decided to take a moment to scan through the pages. I wasn't sure what I was looking for. I know we both stuck memorable things inside the Bible. I found a pressed dandelion. I remember finding the dandelion after a long, cold, snowy winter in Columbus. Babe and I were wondering if that winter would ever end and the temperatures get back above freezing. The dandelion was the first sign of spring we saw that year. Babe and I both thought it was a good sign, so in the Bible it went. I continued scanning. I found a card tucked between some pages. I opened the card. The card in Babe's handwriting read, Oh, how true, I'm stuck on you, Love, Babe. I gave a sigh. Undaunted, I pushed on and kept flipping through the pages and came upon a note in Babe's handwriting. I put the cover back on the box, sat on it, and read the note. It was written by Babe to me. I recall finding the note on my pillow one day after returning home from the university. The note meant a lot to me at the moment, and even more today. The note read, Dear Ray, all my life I wandered until you. All my life I was lost and afraid. You came along and my life became free. As long as I have you, I can be me. My heart grows when you are near. It can warm a room or even a house. Thank you for your love and allowing me to be free. Before you I was lost, now I am found. Thanks be to God and all his glory for you. Love Barb XO. That was it. The cleaning stopped. My day changed in that moment. What I found was more than a memory, more than a love note. It renewed the connection Babe and I shared and will always share. I carried the Bible into the living room and placed it on the coffee table. I was happy I decided to clean out the large box. It brought back a wonderful memory. Yes, there were tears that came with it. I think they were happy tears. I was one lucky guy. Someday I'll go back to the box, more prepared knowing I was cleaning out more than things. I will also be working with memories. Jose Amado wrote, the world is like that, incomprehensible and full of surprises. Yes, the world is full of surprises and I was gifted with one. One day when you open a box to clean your closet, I hope you are gifted with a wonderful surprise and a heartwarming memory such as the one that surprised me. I hope you enjoyed this episode and I hope you have wonderful memories of the good times that you shared with the person you lost. We will always have those memories and they'll always bring a smile to our faces. Stay strong, never quit, and remember, good things are headed to you nonstop. If you liked this podcast, please subscribe to get notifications of future episodes. You can also check out my blog, looking on the bright side at www.dancingalone530.com. It's all positive and uplifting. If you have any questions about my grieving experience, I want to share your grieving experience with me. Please email me at rey.breese, B-R-E-S-E, at gmail.com. Have a great day, stay strong, and never quit, never give up.