S3:E2 Mini Matt's Recovery Dream Journal

The podcast hosts discuss their upcoming changes to the studio setup due to a legal podcast being discovered in the basement of a house. They also talk about one of the hosts being accused of using drugs and share some strange dreams that they had recently. One dream involved taking mushrooms at a space bar with family, another dream involved opening an Amazon package that turned out to be a pipe bomb, and the third dream involved being part of a performance art piece and assaulting James Franco. They also mention a fourth dream about being in Better Call Saul. Finally, they discuss the positive impact of a Nigerian woman named Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, who served as finance minister and successfully negotiated debt relief and brought stability to the economy. They jokingly name Barack Obama as the "president of the week" because he resembles Okonjo-Iweala. Welcome back. This is probably the last podcast that we will get to record with the studio set up as it is. Why's that? We're fly-kitting the sofa. Oh yeah. The council came, they'd had reports of a legal podcast going on in the basement of a house. So they came round, they came round, the police came round, and they searched the basement, and they found the studio. And they were not pleased, guys. They were not happy they found it, and they caught us red-handed. And our punishment is that we've got to get rid of the sofa, and we can't record in the basement anymore. So have we got a component tax evasion? Why, what else have you been up to? Nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing at all. Okay. You tell me, shall we? You've got something to say. Why do I have something? I don't have anything to say. What I do have to say is that I've heard you've been up to no good, Matt. I've heard that you might have been getting mixed in with the wrong crowd, and you might have been taking some... D-R-U-G-N. And we will not stand for it, not in this household. I'm so disappointed in you, Matt. Who's a snitch? You were a high-flyer. You do so well. Fuck you. So, Matt, if I may add, what drugs were you doing? We didn't get that information. I'll never change that. I heard you were doing some marijuana, and I began to suspect this after you'd come up with some very interesting dreams that you'd been through recently. And I just wondered if you would like to describe some of those dreams to the listeners. Well, conveniently, knowing I would have weird dreams when I stopped smoking, I kept a dream journal. I think I only have three. Oh, no, I have four. Shall we rank them in scale of, like, most insane to, like, most normal? It's just each one has a sentence in my notes that I wrote literally as soon as I woke up and I was really, like, disorientated. Can you remember any of the details about the dreams? Yeah, a few. That's good, that's good. The first thing I wrote at the top of the note was dropping shrooms at a bar with my family. And the details of this dream, it's hard to remember the pretense, but we were at this really futuristic-looking bar. Like, literally, it was like a sci-fi movie. I don't know where my brain has modelled that one from. And then someone came with, like, a huge plastic bag of what somehow, because it was my dream, I knew were mushrooms. Like, shrooms specifically. But they looked like just the standard, stereotyped red-capped mushrooms with the white spots. And when I say they were big, they were, like, huge. Like Mario's, though. Yeah, like the size of a football. Did you eat a whole one? The imagery where I thought, it's a pretty big mushroom, I'll eat half of it and see how I feel, and then maybe finish it. Because it was Dreamwatcher. And then I had half of it and nothing crazy happened. I'm pretty sure I blinked and the layout of the room had changed. And then I woke up aware that I wrote that down. That was the first one. So you didn't actually get high with your family, you just did them. Yeah. Well, they were there, but after I... Did they do it too? Yeah. But I didn't pay attention to them. Did they do it before? Did you get to, like, in your dream, do you remember it? No, everyone was, like, scrambling it together. Oh, right, so no one was high. Were you, like, sat around the table, like, eating it with, like, knife and fork? As soon as I had two, I walked off. Oh, actually, I remember after I had ate it. It's just a really weird bit of detail. It's really important. It was like my coat or something got caught in a passerby's hair and then they were, like, trying to untangle it. And it was really awkward and, like, really, you know, uncomfortable. I just felt like I was high and having to deal with an uncomfortable situation. Well, it might be a lesson to do less of the B-R-U-G-S. Someone's going to get us content, bro. I'm quite frankly ashamed. You have done quite a lot of damage to our brand, to our reputation. Like, me as a person particularly, like, people would think, damn, he'd never hang out with those types of people. Like, he's a serious... I'm sorry. Like, he just wouldn't touch it. Obviously, it implies things if you've just absolutely run your own reputation through the mud. You've got to remember that you're at least giving me and James some skid marks. It's not fair, Matt. It's not fair. Second dream? OK, tell me which one you like more so far. Yeah. So, that was the first dream. The second dream, I wrote the sentence, opening an Amazon package and it's just a pipe bomb. And I... LAUGHTER LAUGHTER That was the second dream that I could remember having when I wrote it. So, there's not much that really went on in that dream? No, no, that was the whole thing. I was upstairs in my house, I had a cell phone ringing, I went, who's there? Ooh, package opened. Who do you think could have sent it? I've no idea. How big was the package? Like, quite small. Did you open it like an Amazon package or did you peel it off? Yeah, I think so. Do you imagine that the whole house would have gone up in a big mushroom or do you reckon it was just like, boom, Matt's splat against the wall and whoever comes in next is going to have a horrible time? I think it would take out the room. The room. Is the front door coming off? Yeah, the front door's coming off. OK, so that's quite a cool image. Obviously, when it blew up, I also woke up. But, in this dream, the setting is your house, not some space bar where you're doing mushrooms. I think the space bar definitely wins best location so far. I'm more of a plot, that one. I'm more of a narrative. But that one is just hilarious. Maybe you saw your future. Were you in this house or your home? No, my home. Watch out. Maybe, like, ask the Amazon guy to open all your packages for you, like, give him a blade. Dream number three. OK, this one. We've gone from the shortest one to the longest one. It's going to be quite hard to explain potentially, but I'll just read what I've written on the thing. You both forced me to sign up to act as part of a performance art piece where I'm in chains and I break free and, like, assault James Franco because he was the guy hosting it because he made me feel so uncomfortable and I was so angry at him. Do you reckon that's the metaphor for the podcast? Maybe. If you have any questions, then please ask because I don't know how much sense that makes. Right, so what was the performance act and why were you in chains? It wasn't an act. It was one of those, like, at a modern museum how they sometimes have, like, actors act out on exhibits and shit. That was my rationale and my dream for what I actually was. So James Franco chained you up? Well, it was entirely you two who made me do it. But James Franco was there? Wait, wait, wait, so what you're telling me is all we need to do to get James Franco on the podcast is to put you in chains and make you escape? It sounds like that's the next episode, guys. We'll do our best. We'll get it done and we'll get James Franco on. Okay, so where are you ranking them so far? I think that one's quite dark. I feel like there's quite a lot to go through with the therapist in that dream. I feel like you hate us and the chains are the subs that you're now paying to be on the podcast that we've recently... I don't think you've paid the subs yet. No. But I'm giving you content. Dream number four? This is the final one. I didn't write enough for this one to really explain it but I've written being in Better Call Saul and almost getting mugged. Okay, who would you most like to have been the guy who was mugging you? All the characters in Better Call Saul. Oh, it wasn't one of the characters. Better Call Saul didn't actually enter the dream until like the last third. What, where you just realised that you were in Better Call Saul? Did you see Saul or something? Oh my god, I'm in Better Call Saul. I ran into someone's offices to try and get away from this guy trying to chase me down and mug me. I ran into these offices and I realised it was HHM and then I walked past him. I was like, woah. I know where I am. And then I'm pretty sure Saul showed up or something because of what I thought and he just walked past me. So, dream of the week? There is actually a wildcard one I can remember but I didn't write down. Oh, what did you tell me? It was like, I wasn't in the dream I remember like quite visibly I was one layer removed. I was watching it through a TV show My whole dream was just this weird TV show I watched and was really focused on. It was basically just Jurassic Park but with monkeys and no dinosaurs and all the multiple alien shit I felt like really crazy I thought this TV show was crazy so violent, so dark like, you know, who the fuck wrote this? And then I woke up and was like, oh, it's me. Dream of the week? Yeah. Pipebomb dream? I think pipebomb dream has to win dream of the week. Superb dream. It had a beginning a middle and an end and that's all you need to know. We're not coming back for season two. Well, now that things are over shall we move on to present of the week? Present of the week. Well, I was reading up on a woman called Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala Okay, that's definitely mispronounced but I mean, the sentiment is a positive one, so I'm sure she won't mind. She was sick, bro. She was actually insane. In Nigeria, she got like 30 billion of our debt just written off through negotiations to like tie the macroeconomic policy to the oil price to bring like stability to the markets. It was sick, she lifted so many people out of poverty like the poverty rate decreased 80% in her three years but she was only the finance minister and not the president so the president I know who looks most like her is Barack Obama, so for that reason Barack Obama is president of the week. What do we think? I think it was a good choice yet again. I think I saw a picture today on Instagram and it was on FA Wales posted it, the Wales boys are in training for Qatar and Gareth Bale was there It's a good day to start our new series where we're going to open World Cup City until we find Gareth Bale and nothing's going to stop us. Matt and Neil, how much do you love Gareth Bale? Fucking loads, right? James, how much do you love Gareth Bale? With every bone in my body We want nothing more than to be able to get Gareth Bale on the podcast in the form of a Panini World Cup sticker Will we get him? I'm nervous That looks nothing like him Stadium 946 That's not him For fuck's sake Is that him? I can't really tell Is that Gareth Bale? It's gold, it's got a Panini logo on it There's some guy kicking a ball in a red shirt but he doesn't have a ponytail So I don't think it's Gareth Bale Did Gareth Bale not have a ponytail? When he was younger When he was a baby When he was 25 Surely a one year old Gareth Bale had a ponytail Maybe I'd love to see evidence to the contrary I don't think that's Gareth Bale either He doesn't play for Wales If it is then they've misspelled his name Brian Oviedo Maybe it's just a different language Yeah maybe, maybe that's Gareth Bale in Spanish I don't think so I can't really read No he's bald, that's not him Oh ok, Gareth Bale's white Yeah he's not Sami Al-Najir from Saudi Arabia So Damn The series lives another day You're stuck with this segment until we find Gareth Bale Please send World Cup stickers to the PO Box so we don't have to buy any Everyone send us as many stickers as you can Don't send us Bale though If you send us Bale we'll burn it We have to find him in the past We're not cheats We do things the correct way Also, if you're going to send a pipe bomb to the PO Box Make sure you put Matt O'Neill's name on it That would be an insanely big play If someone did that I think it would I disagree It's not every week that you have a play That would be bigger than that Maybe the play of the week this week Does anyone have any suggestions For who could have won This most coveted award The two distinguished gentlemen That were in White Horse And I just thought White Horse Nantwich Get yourself down to the White Horse Nantwich Yeah, shout out You could even one day end up being in the show That's so true But I thought these two guys Because they came over And they talked so much I think they get play of the week For still being friends After everything they told me They were crazy What did they tell you I was with Max They were on the opposite end of our table Really far away They came over Like the most stereotypical Northern working class coke head That I've ever seen On Cholly but we'll be afraid of I instantly knew How old A little older than me Maybe 5 years older than me But they went over to Max One of them did I instantly knew before the words even escaped his mouth He was going to ask If he knew where to get a bag It's so obvious And Max bless him Did not know where to get the bag And then eventually more time went by And they went over to me Asking if I sell any And then they started Going down the list You sell swimming boots don't you Come on You only sell pingers don't you And then after that They were hooked on us Because they were so clearly on coke Talking so much shit The first thing he said after that Was like You know me and him mate His dad killed my dad And we're still friends And then I looked at the Other guy And he was like Yeah for real You know what I was there at his funeral And he still reeked of cigarettes He was fucking disgusting He was telling me that was the important part Not the fact that his dad killed his dad And we're still friends And then they just started Saying more and more shit He said oh yeah his cousins Like You know his cousins are tranny It's like yeah I shouldn't be saying this But she tried to shag me And I was like what the fuck And then every time I laughed at these things they told me Because it was just so So crazy So much information to take And make sense of Like the one sat opposite me was like What the fuck are you laughing at What the fuck I'm getting hyper agitated I'm kind of And I was telling him how the fuck am I supposed To not laugh at this stuff But I think they get played the week They're still being friends They seem like tremendous gentlemen Truly distinguished I can't believe they didn't know where to get a bag They weren't from London Did they find the bag I assume so I think after a while they went back and they weren't there They were sent out on an adventure somewhere You're not going to believe this I mean this isn't related to anything That we've been talking about But I often get the 17 pass bus From outside Parish Church to University Which gets me there with about 20 minutes to spare So I usually like go and walk down By the lake And the forest on campus And you're not going to believe what I saw I saw ducks getting ready For political campaigns Now I don't know what they're planning I know it sounds crazy You're like I've never seen a duck run from office before But believe me When I tell you I saw it I saw it with my own two eyes and it's coming The tide of ducks is coming To Warwick And I'm not sure if we're ready for it Do you know what their party stands for No I just saw like I saw a few of them in like a logo workshop I think the one who was like the candidate He had like a tie on It was like a red tie I think the people of Warwick They need to know about this Like this is dangerous This will get out of hand Matt They need to know So we should use our platform We should become journalists Analyse and find out everything we can About their campaign And warn what is coming to Warwick Too bad we don't know But we do know that they're ducks Have you ever seen ducks getting ready for a political That seems way out of the ordinary to me We need to know more And as university students We are researchers So who better to carry out the job We won't let you down Does that bring to an end this week's show Can we think of I don't think we've got any other segments Other than like the shit ones Oh colour of the week Through this podcast I realised Why the fuck are there purple squares On the walls They're just random Like genuinely Why And there's some shit they've done A tenant's done that It just looks like it's got some Funky disease That wall needs a new Skincare routine Any skincare brands Want to sponsor the podcast As three men who have naturally Good skin We will make your product look amazing Invest Invest in the podcast It was like whatever lilac Lilac