Self Awarenes

Pamela Denise discusses the importance of self-awareness and being in touch with oneself. She challenges the idea of being selfish and emphasizes the need to prioritize self-care. Pamela also explores the dynamics of relationships, highlighting the importance of communication and setting boundaries. She shares her perspective on gender roles and the responsibility of taking care of oneself. Finally, she expresses her desire to be with a loving, caring, and god-fearing black man. Overall, Pamela encourages open dialogue and optimism in relationships. Hey y'all, it's your girl Pamela Denise and welcome to my podcast where we talk about black women's books and our relationships with black men. Today I just want to touch on just making sure that I, by myself actually, today so I just want to come on here and just talk about just being in touch like I guess you know like with yourself and making sure, I mean it might sound selfish but I mean what is selfish? What is really really selfish? Being selfish is that oh I want time for myself today or I want to be by myself today, I want to pour into myself, who defies, who defies being selfish because some days all of us want to be a little bit selfish and actually I think it's okay, there's definitely nothing wrong with you know being selfish, I think I felt selfish probably about 10 times already but you get my point. You get my point because in all actuality how I look at it is that self-awareness is just so important and being in tune with who you are is part of self so don't ever let anyone tell you that you're a selfish person. Now when you can't be compassionate or you can't look into you know possibly that look into someone else having a need besides you then I'm not saying that you're selfish because I know if you're looking into my show then you're not selfish. It's just it can be so, it can be a subject to where they could actually ruin friendships, they can ruin friendships, relationships but who defines, who defines if you know if I'm a selfish person? If I feel like that you know I feel compassion, I feel like you know I help people when they need help or I'm a good listener, I'm a good you know friend and also I want to touch on you know I'm single and I've actually gotten to you know being into myself more and I don't want to get stuck in this place but it's nice here, it's nice, nobody can tell you that you're wrong for loving yourself, being into yourself, I think it's one of those things that when you're dating you have to kind of like figure out you know where those boundaries are and I guess I mean what each person wants you know like that's important because if you don't talk about your wants and your needs prior to getting into a relationship that could be one of the reasons you know why you know why the relationships are not working and you know I'm not going to bring this topic up now but maybe like on another maybe on another show or another time we can talk about it but you know it just depends on how much you want to give your partner, how much do you want to really give your partner, how much of you do you want to give to your partner and actually some people lose their sales because they give so much and then if you're with a partner that you know has already been through enough in their life and they may need more a little bit more than you that's something that you're you're willing to give up because ultimately you can begin to lose yourself the more that you that you give of yourself give more of yourself someone then you receive less sometimes it works that way just for an example like if you're trying to you're trying to help someone it could be anything it could be from a job loss you know and that would be ultimately that you're you should already be you know seeing someone or with someone you know prior to them you know losing your job losing their job and and that's just my opinion I don't know too many people out here gonna just meet someone like oh I'm not working okay if you're not working how are we going to date how are we what how are we going to do anything and that's one that's on another another show another topic that some women don't mind treating but hey I I'm not one of those I think that it can actually go both ways but I think when you're first dating and this is just my opinion and I'm probably gonna get a little bit of you know slack from this but in my opinion I feel like a man should you know court you date you treat you you know and at some point yeah I can offer I'll offer I don't mind at some point but I think that we have to get out of you know the idea by nature by nature men are alpha I mean I don't get any slack from saying this but I think by nature men are alpha and women that are alpha you can be alpha but you can also be feminine alpha you're not shouldn't be out here I mean come on tell me if I'm wrong why would I want to chase a man or why would I want to you know in other words chasing as in you know you know the terminology let's not play let's not play play like we don't understand chasing hunting whatever you however you want to whatever you want to say but I just want to come on here and say self-awareness could be the reason why your relationship isn't working it's because you're not aware of yourself and who you actually are and I know you probably don't want to hear me say self no more but self is you self is a number one self you have to like they say in a plane you need to put your mask on first to save anybody else and that's just common sense as we get older we should realize that and taking care of yourself is going to help the person or the people that you're around making sure that you're good first and I used to have this I want to say I used to have this thought process that and this is this is the younger me talking I used to have this thought process that you know person can or I'm saying let me let me not play around with these words a man can take care of a woman or a man could take care of me or a man should take care of me I don't think that way anymore and that was just that was just me in my younger time my younger days in my immaturity days you know and I know I hear it so much and I still hear it that women feel like men should take care of them but ultimately just think about this ladies the ones I'm talking to the ones that actually feel like a man should take care of them just say that he becomes unable you've been together or either you're married or you're not married I don't know nowadays there's a lot of partnerships going on and it could be I don't know five years I don't know I'm not you know I'm not putting a number on it but if you could actually be honest with yourself and just step outside the box for a moment and think about what if something happens to that individual what is what is your next step what would you do what you know because life life is life so if you if you have a man that's taking care of you financially and that's let's just put it out there financially let's just let's just say it it's no it's not there's no magic um if you have a man taking care of you financially and that's just the way that's just maybe that's the way you both want it and there's nothing wrong with that that's okay but in actuality you have to make sure that you're set up because anything could happen to any individual at any given time whether they get into a car accident or they have a heart attack any kind of medical condition and you are solely relying on this man to take care of you so so I used to think that so I I am I'm guilty of it I'm not gonna sit here and play I'm not gonna play with you because I don't do that I don't play anymore you know I look at life for what it is now take life serious um and I I'm not gonna sit on here and and say that I'm I'm definitely not the queen of relationships because you know I've had my I've had my ups and downs in relationships and now I'm just I'm really really just taking a break here and it's I can't even say that I'm in a healing a healing stage because I think I've I've healed from any past relationships and I'm actually I still have great friendships you know from past relationships um it's just one of those things where maturity sets in you learn from what you made a mistake from or doing or whatever the case may be you learn yourself and you take away from it um you know here I am you know all these years later later I'm an adult woman and I'm literally saying for you know a couple times and I'm actually getting it it's not a man's responsibility to take care of me it's my responsibility to take care of myself um now let me say this now in a lot of times people take things the wrong way or people take things wrong with it but is it fair to is it fair for me to be with someone that cannot give me what I can give myself no that's my answer my answer is no I don't think it's fair for me to be with someone that can't give me what I can give myself or you know there's this there's this new magic word I hear a lot now in the dating in the world right now let's grow together let's grow together um but truth the truth in reality is it is that we're growing already it's just um what do you have what we can put together and make it something maybe maybe that's the same thing I don't know I don't know but let's let's see what we can do um you know if you plan on spending the rest of your life together I mean that's a decision you know I mean I guess that's a goal for people or or maybe not people have their their motives and their agendas um hey but you know when you reach a certain age uh I I know a few a few guys that they still uh let me not go there um but you you get what I'm saying I mean to each his own what do they say age is just a number you're only old as you feel um but for me age brought wisdom age brought just me being a lot wiser in decisions that I make um I you know it could it could be a little bit of I don't want things to go wrong but I can I can see I can see things happening in a relationship before it actually happens when I'm out here in the dating world and so I don't know I don't think I think I'm gonna chill out I'm gonna eat you but um do do I want um beautiful loving caring giving wonderful black man sure I do sure I do um um am I interested in in you know anything else um I'm gonna be honest with myself um I want to date or I want to be with um someone of my culture and you know that is my purpose um um you know um I still believe that you know we we have strong minded caring um intelligent uh loving god-fearing black men you know they're out here they're out here in multitudes and like my father told me you know I was going through a breakup and my father he spoke these words um he spoke these words they made one man and they made millions more and that's some of you ladies that are feeling stuck or feeling like you know you're stuck and you're with someone that you know is not treating you or not giving you what you want you've already identified as your value you value yourself um they made one and they made millions more black men um I just want to come on here and we're trying to get some you know we're in our first stages and I want to thank you guys for being patient um with me the ones that have joined the show the ones that are that are are coming to join the show because you're coming because it's going to get it's only going to get better things are only going to get better um just stay optimistic um and that's just how I feel I just feel like things things will get better the more we talk the more we communicate the more we say what we want um and let's make it juicy let's make it juicy you can love who you love let's talk about it baby