Episode 20

Cassie and Mariah are back for season two of their podcast, where they discuss navigating their 20s through disability and chronic illness. They talk about how important the podcast is as a creative outlet and express gratitude for their listeners. They plan to keep the upcoming episodes more flexible and unstructured. They also joke about the concept of "rock girl winter" and how their version of self-care is not as glamorous as what they see on social media. They share some personal anecdotes and end the episode with a discussion about a decorative frog log in Cassie's bathroom. Hi, I'm Cassie and I'm Mariah and this is the Cassie and Mariah show a podcast where two long-distance internet friends That's us discuss navigating their 20s through disability and chronic illness Welcome back for season two Yeah, we're gonna clap, but I think it's really loud if I do that. Yeah, I might clap my light will turn off What's up Cassie, why was season two so delayed? I Say it's almost like My life went really downhill really fast Which we'll get into more later, but oh my god, it feels good to be back. It feels fun It feels like very fun and exciting to be back and to be back in the studio. Oh fact fact I I I think that this has become such an important outlet for me And I'm like, I can't believe I can't believe I went months without it like a creativity outlet like a way to just like like a Conversational like I feel like you know having the weekly like three-hour face time with you to do This is like was so like vital and like my schedule and in my life So I'm like, what is Cassie up to now? I have no idea. We talk every day, but I have no idea. I Don't however regret Taking a break. Oh, yeah, because like honestly and like thank God like my life going downhill happened while we were on break so Yeah, I made things a lot easier and I think that it also made us appreciate doing this so much more and also we got our first ever Podcasters Spotify rap thing and that was yeah and fun So Thanks, if you tagged us or told us you were in your top however many podcasts, that's a special I know right and like seeing how many like listeners throughout the year like what episode was like the most popular with people like I know it just was very nice to like be able to look at the Analytics and see people posted on their stories like so thanks guys We really appreciated it and I can't remember which one of your friends had us and Brittany broski next to each other But I was like the highest honor the goat. Oh, yes yeah, we're excited to Dive back in for season two and we've got lots of fun Episodes planned but we're also gonna I don't know keep it a little more loosey-goosey because you know When we plan out a whole season in advance, it's like what if I don't want to talk about that in two months, right? And also so much happens in life and in the world and so giving each other Or giving ourselves more flexibility in that way I think we'll Keep everybody including us on our toes Of course, and I think to it at least keeps it a little bit more like authentic to be like, oh, yeah this week you know if we want to talk about this like I think like you said the loosey-goosey the like go with the flow like You know, I want to know what kind of slow start that I want to know what's a little bit slow You know, I want to know if there's parking at the flow I do think that keeping it kind of a little bit more like unstructured will be a lot more like a lot easier for us To like really be able to come on here and be like this is what's going on right now rather than being like Oh, this is what we're talking about today. But like, you know, all these other things went on, you know So I think it's uh, I think it's a lot it's a lot more fun to just be like hey, this is the topic Exactly. Yeah. No, I'm really Looking forward to it. And I think that's also So indicative of being in our mid-twenties I mean the fact that like in reality it has only been a couple months, you know Since we recorded and yet so much has changed so dramatically in our lives And I think that is just so like that's just So true and that's just speaks to where we're at in our lives. Like that is how life is and so I think being able to Speak to that in a more timely manner and God sometimes our check-ins were the most fun part Right, we're like the the unscripted nonsense Yes, the things that we were just like telling each other again because we knew it happened, but now we're telling everybody else Sometimes the story is so good. I want to hear it again. Anyway and you know to I think like Even just like back to you back to what you said about like the unpredictability of life Cuz like we recorded our last episode in June and I know it came out like in July but like it's crazy that that's like if that's when it when like the last everybody heard from us and like So much has happened in that what like almost like five months span Not even like that's it's wild to think that like just the the way that life changes in the past that we go down like involuntarily, you know even But if you do like the show be sure to follow and rate it on whatever platform you're streaming on to help us reach more people and Stick around for the end of the episode to find out what reoccurring segment We finally landed on and to learn how you can get involved with an episode. We've got planned for later in this season So this episode we're kind of basing it off of the Drunk drawer like setup if you listen to past episodes of ours, we have two of them out from the first season of this concept that's called a drunk junk drawer and the ideology behind that is like When you're cleaning the junk drawer that you have whether it's like a desk in your room whatnot You come across things that you can dispose of quickly like lip balms pieces of paper garbage, etc But then you come across things that you linger on a little bit longer because they have memories associated with them so some topics we cover are like garbage and some of them are more like thought-provoking and sentimental and speaking of garbage All right, I've started seeing memes and reels on Instagram of The concept of rock girl winter and I don't know if we met we probably didn't mention this last season But all summer long we talked to each other about how it was rock girl summer It's not it was not I mean to some degree. I think it was hot girl summer because at any given time It's hot girl summer, but it was rock girl summer And now I'm starting to see things about rock girl winter and I'm just like who do you think you are because these are videos Where girls are like having self-care nights and calling it rock girl winter and I'm like, I'm sorry when I'm rotting I'm making a microwave meal. I'm not making dinner and Doing my skincare routine and reading before bed. I am Eating whatever I scrounge up that takes me 30 seconds to make and then scrolling on Instagram reels While I'm watching YouTube Yes. Oh, yeah, of course like like a rock girl winter For for the real rock girls. We are gatekeeping this. I'm sorry I'm not like drawing a nice bath with a bath bomb and bath salts I'm taking a depression shower a 20 minute long shower my first shower of the week and it's been five days like you're lucky if shampoo touches my hair and Maybe I'll put socks on after I will get in bed with wet hair and regret it was wet hair There's beads of water still on me my t-shirt sticking to me like I'm I'm not gonna sit here and like pamper myself What is this girl? We're in this ditch right now. There's no room for mental health There's no room for self-care supplies in here. I'm just Yeah, I completely support gatekeeping rock girl seasons Because this is rock girl season year-round and I just it was just the most mentally healthy self-care video I've ever seen and I was like, I was like You're not rotting. I mean maybe to you this is rotting but that's that looks like a good day for My idea of like the rock girl night if you will write like, you know The reading before bed like having a cup of tea like no I'm falling asleep with my glasses on with my lights on like and I'm I fall asleep like Listening to a podcast or like a YouTube video that like my entire like I fall asleep watching it So the entire video still plays and I wake up and my phone's dead like that Like that's me like I'm taking like an edible before I go to bed I'll take my pain meds before I go to bed sometimes I take melatonin and then I sleep really weird and gross all night, but I'm not gonna sit here and like Like take care of myself, dude. It's five o'clock. I'm going to bed right now Like it's dark outside. Oh, you think I'm staying up? Oh, yeah no, for sure and And Yeah, like those are the nights where my bedtime procrastination or what is it revenge bedtime procrastination or whatever I thought Like rock girl nights are when it's the worst. I'm up till 3 a.m. Watching the Vogue Try to relax Enough to go to bed, but I can't and so because I'm sorry when you have to fall asleep You have to be alone with your thoughts So what if I just sit here and I watch silly little videos on my phone until I'm literally so tired that I pass You should know that yesterday I was cleaning my room in the bathroom because I can only clean you know Once every three months when I'm not in school and because it's a winter break right now and and We've had we have this like a small shelf up above the toilet for like decorations in the bathroom and For years now. We've had like my great aunt who's now been like dead for years Like this is how long these things have been up there She had given us like these decorate. I don't know. I mean, maybe they're not decorative, but we used them as decorative soaps They're just they were just like plastic wrapped and they were like nice looking at some point But they were covered now in like inches and inches of dust And are not cute at all And so we finally tossed them out, but you should know that after we clean that shelf We put the frog log on the shelf Shia, Raya gave me a piece of she went to a craft fair and she found this Driftwood with these little frogs on it and it is now living above my toilet So when you come visit the frogs will keep you company while you're on the ship I'm actually like my god that for you. I was like, I don't know where Cassie's gonna put it But I believe she has somewhere for it. It's not that big it's by the size of like maybe your elbow to like your wrist, maybe a little bit bigger, but your elbow to your Not mine, but yeah I was just like I don't but because I was like, you know, whenever I give someone something Which I know you don't do this. I think about how big it is Cassie so thankfully it so beautifully so graciously Crocheted me a blanket for Christmas and I'll be honest. It's probably my favorite gift I've ever gotten in my entire life. It has baby Snoopy on it, and it's like baby pink and like magenta almost and I love it But it's just like a like a cumbersome blanket cuz even when you fold it, it's still pretty thick I mean it took fifty four dollars for her to ship it to me. So then if that just like Contributes to you know, how big it is She said is that okay? What choice do I have? What am I supposed to do? You want me to fucking drive it to her myself? Fucking drive it to her myself That would cost more But like as Cassie was mailing it to me she goes oh You always complain about not having room like you always complain about not having room for stuff in your room and I'm mailing you something That's not like an easy thing to I Meant it to be a throw blanket and when I finished it and sent pictures to my friends they go Wow the size and I go. Yeah, it's not really a throw blanket so much as if you throw it It's gonna take you down with it like it's accidentally kind of a weighted blanket But it is very cozy and I do love it a lot. So it's it has a good home here. I imagine My vision is like when I have my own place one day and I have a very nice little living room and stuff to throw It over the back of the couch. Yeah, like and that's where it was In fact, you're gonna pick the couch based on how well it'll match. Oh, yeah, of course I mean like It's gonna have to be a neutral colored couch because that's gonna be like the start of the show Like that's the centerpiece. Oh a nice dark gray. Maybe I was thinking that like a nice dark color. So this way the Animal hair doesn't show up on it, too Just my hair from the blanket. There is there is some hair weaved in I think there's also hair on the tape from the frog log too. Yeah. Yeah, you mail me I don't often get shipped Mariah hair. So I was like, wow, this is so special Anyway, well You know, I'm happy to kick things off and talk about my life so that way when we talk about Mariah We really end on a high Okay, to be fair. I'll start on a high note because the last time that we recorded I was just starting my summer internship and I am so happy to report that it was like one of the most positive experiences of my life and like Just generally like that era of my life was very good like, you know for a solid two and a half months My life was doing real good. I was doing a I led like a transportation I Okay, I've been in interviews all week and I've forgotten how to talk about myself and the things I've done That's embarrassing. Um Anyway, I've read it what a transportation policy reason I was doing transportation policy research. Yes. That's what I was doing. I swear. I know what I'm doing. Um Anyway, basically every like seven years Oregon passes a major state transportation funding package and So the next one is anticipated for 2025 and so the last one was in 2017 So I did research on the impact of that package and then yeah I like interviewed like 30 people around the state talking about Oh Talking about like yeah the how that last package came together and what's needed for the next one and the impacts of the last one had and things like that and Um, so yeah, it was like a really amazing project to get to work on and And I learned a lot about myself in the process in terms of like before I started that internship I still wasn't really sure what I wanted to do for a career like I was still like do I want to go the planning route do I want to go the policy route and like between that and then like some of the schoolwork projects that I've had like I Like am I very confident that I want to go like the public policy route which was such a nice thing to realize because I didn't expect to get that out of that experience and Yeah, it was just yeah, it was just cool to get to experience that and Otherwise I would have been so bored this summer also Oh my god, like because that was just especially just to go from being in school full-time to doing nothing would have sucked so and it was just part-time and so it was honestly every day it rocked because I would like work from like What was it like 9 to 3 or something like that and it was remote and then I Would like go hang out friends and you know Remember back in summer when it was like light outside to like 10 p.m. That rock. I Remember those days The internship was just it was part-time. So how many days was it a week? It was five days a week just not just not eight hour days Yeah and then you have the weekends you're able to do stuff and like also most people were around on the weekends too and Exactly. I was still able to be the flexible friend Because and it was also nice because it's like if I'm going to like Portland to hang out with friends It's like okay, it's a bit of a commute and so getting off at 3 It's like I had plenty of time to go wherever do whatever right? That's why I saw Barbie for I also Is God we could do and we might I feel like it might even be a topic later in the season I can't remember but I could talk forever about the psychological impact of Barbie on my brain But oh my god, what a good movie But then also like again having all this time I am every day I Went outside and I visited my froggies because you're probably like why the hell did Mariah give you frogs in the log? Well, that's because this summer we had froggies living in the watering cans outside And I love them and I would visit them every day and they'd be like up in like the plastic Handle like that goes across it like I would have to like bend over upside down sometimes to see them I remember looking at your Instagram stories and try to figure out where the hell they were inside the watering can Yeah, cuz like and that makes sense of the handle the handles hollow and so they would crawl in it depended the can we had two cans because one of them had broken and then we had another one and And so they were both sitting there and there was a frog usually in each of them Although the one was less popular in general And so they were slightly different designs too, but generally the most commonly habitat habitated, I don't know Habitat Habitat Inhabited Yeah, I think we're smart girls, okay Inhabited feels smart. Um, that's right that can They would crawl in through like the the hole where you would like stick the hose in to fill up the can they would crawl in there and Then they could get into the handle It's hollow and it can take them all the way down to where they could then hop across and go up the spout and that Spout had like an open end because the cap was off of it. They're like sprinkled cap whereas the other can Even though it's a sprinkle cap Such a weird term. I'm using Even though its cap was off. It had a much more narrow Hole on it. Okay, and so you couldn't even if there was a frog in there, you couldn't really see them as well But yeah The one can they they loved crawl they would crawl so deep into the handle That I had to really had to bend out because it like arches of course And so it's like hard to see down in there But um, sometimes it's like if they were really in there and I would bend over and look in that Do we come crawling out to say hi and I love them I love them so much. I was that sometimes I was like, I wonder if my frogs miss me on days I Wonder if the frogs think about me too. Yeah, and I think they did Okay I and I knew the differences between them because we had OG frog the first one that was living in there regularly and then we had the Harry Styles watermelon sugar frog because he looked like a Watermelon and then we had the pointy nose frog because he had a pointier nose than the other ones. They're all Pacific tree frogs and They're just there's a lot of variety I guess and And yeah, I mean I got really in the habit of going out and seeing them every day and then Fall came and they had to go to the mud Yeah, they had to go hibernate in the mud. And I mean honestly really once the first rains started coming They were like I gotta go do frog stuff Cassie. I was like, what about me? Never thought about that if you're cold, they're cold bring them inside. Yeah. I will like I Have seen where people have outdoor plants that they you know They would keep outside during the winter and then they bring them in or keep outside during the summer bring in the winter And sometimes they find like dirt around their house and it turns out like frogs were living in those pots and they would come out Even be and be like, oh my god, what am I doing inside your house? Well, my mom used to keep a small watering can on the front porch and Then she started bringing it inside and I remember earlier this year before I was obsessed with them I Walked into my bathroom and there was a frog And I was like, um, hey dad, you want to come pick up this frog? I mean the frog was just chillin, but I was like I need to like go piss girl And I love that porcelain floor like in the bathroom Yeah, so yeah, no, it's very real I guess he must I'm assuming that he came from that watering can cuz it's like yeah What the heck? right, but And then I also Every evening because like especially when it was like really hot during the summer We wouldn't want to go outside to water the flowers and stuff until it was almost dark out it was too hot otherwise and and so we would wait till it was dusk basically and And then the bats would come out and I would sit there and I'd wait for them and I'd be like, oh look there They are and there was a set of parents and then a baby bat and oh I love them. So Yeah, summer was very good Mariah what were you doing this summer? I feel like my summer was like I went to Long Beach Island in July Which I think that was like right before we finished Yeah, that was right after we finished recording. So I did Long Beach Island Which like a so funny to think about just like back to certain spots in your life We're like then it was kind of like I didn't very much enjoyed that family vacation and I was like, you know what? This is my like Like I'm releasing what no longer serves me like wanting to intentionally like shed layers That I felt like I was just like holding on to like I need a good like exfoliation And you know what? I roll around on the sand and I get there I've mentioned before I think on the pod that I've like, you know done the the dating app gauntlet and went through the things like the bat and I was like, oh this doesn't like at the time I was like, you know when I was first doing it I was like wasn't ready and then it was like there was like one weekend where I was at my friend's house and like She was going on apps and she was talking to people and she was like, oh like why don't you just like Well, you just like try it again like, you know You don't have to do anything that you don't want to do You don't have to talk to anybody that you don't want to do like this could just be something more like be comfortable with it Like do whatever you're comfortable with and I was like, yeah, let's see. What's like what what's going on? Whatever and I think that like what kind of works for me is to like kind of put it out there for people that I wasn't Intentionally like serious that I was just like I'm looking For nothing and if I find nothing great if I find somebody cool like whatever it was almost like I remember you were like literally like kind of just in a way making friends and like just enjoying just Talking to people. Yes, like I even had on my profile that life is a highway and etc Like that's it. Like that's it because I did not know I was not looking for like, you know No, obviously no offense to anybody that is like what was you know looking for an actual serious relationship? I just was like This is like exposure therapy for me. And like I think what also like a thing on the side was like I Was constantly using reddit and I was looking at like that Am I the asshole subreddit and relationship advice and all this stuff that was such a it puts me such a negative view Like I had such a negative view for other people and I was like This is really bad because this makes me feel like everybody and everybody in relationships and stuff Everybody's miserable and everybody's unhappy and like it kind of like really made me like spiral where I was like Oh my god I like I have to live in the woods with a cat and a dog and that's it for the rest of my life Like I cannot do anything So after that, I only delete I only download a hinge Because I was like I can only do one dating app back then I did bumble and hinge and I was like flip-flopping between the Two and I'm like, this is bad. I don't like this So I only did hinge because I like the prompts on there I could be a little bit more like quirky like with stuff I could put a little bit more like silly pictures like You can't even do voice memos on there like I'm your profile like it was just like I was really like I'm being a quirky Girl, it was like the beginning of August and I it was like literally like three days into having the app on my phone. I I like matched with somebody and like The prompt that always gets people is that I had a question that said The prompt was like what moment in history would you time-travel to? So my first option that I put like so these are three things that I like post that I put on there on my profile It'd be like, you know, these are the options was JFK's assassination. Can we save him? The moment you were born or the moon landing and People love the JFK one because they love to create their own conspiracy theories about stuff, whatever And I there's one person that was like gave a whole detailed like view of like Oh if we you know time-travel and do this then like This is what we do or if we could time-travel again We could try the first option and then do this the next time and like basically like trial and error to save JFK And I was like love the dedication love the thought-out process. You've been waiting for someone to ask you this and I'm looking at this guy's profile and I see that he has as like one of his prompts saying like my irrational fear and He wrote is Disney adults and I was like, I have two pictures on my profile that were from Disney So I was like, oh this guy has no idea what's coming So like I was like, oh my god, like hilarious I'm gonna totally get this guy and be like, oh my god, you really match with a Disney adult Really dig it into the jokes. Um We talked for a couple days and I was like, you know what like this is fun like I like this doesn't feel as intimidating as I thought it was gonna be and like this like It was just more of like a genuine like back-and-forth conversation like rather than it feeling like be like, hey, what's up? What's up? You know too much. Oh, do you want to hang out? so that's a lot of people were like within the first 24 hours of talking to you wanted to like Get something on the books and I was like, no, like I don't even know who you are I haven't even brand your name through LinkedIn yet. Like I Can't just like hang out Cuz I was like another thing too I was like worrying about like your safety when you're talking to people I'm like, I don't want to meet somebody that I literally have no idea who they are so after a first couple days of like I'm talking to him we exchanged phone numbers and then like I had a Like a vendor event one weekend and I was like, oh do you want to like hang out after like immediately after you want to? Meet me in Asbury Park like let's hang out And we did we walked on the boardwalk for like three hours just back and forth back and forth and had a great night like I feel like I wasn't even ready to like have a connection with somebody in the way that I did and Like one thing led to the next and I have a boyfriend now And It's like I'm sure I could I could sit here and be all sappy silly and talk about everything in between but um, I think that it really is like such a Like healing and like healthy relationship and mindset that I'm currently into that I'm like oh like this is somebody who like I do feel comfortable telling them everything and Like if I have like it, you know the things that you like Like having a relationship with somebody where you can just be like, hey like this is like this is who I am and you're just like yep, like you're completely receptive of that with each other and this like unconditional like Love and like feelings that you have for one another. It's just very like it's just so Like I guess it's hard for me to even sit here and be like I deserve something like this You do well like I know I do but like I think sometimes you're even just like I don't know like I don't know if I'm ready for this or I don't know if I'm I deserve this or I don't like you just like have the like the self-doubt like the imposter syndrome and You're like no I am like I do deserve this. I am ready for this like this is what I want and I'm happy with this and that's how I feel and it's been so Beautiful and Heartwarming to witness like it's I bet like name one thing better than seeing your best friend happy all day It has just sparked so much joy for me to witness the whole thing unfold at first I'm trying to I honestly My memory is so bad lately guys. We don't even we will get there. Um, but But it's I don't fully remember but I just I vaguely remember like at the beginning being like Because when you were like, I'm back on the apps. I was like, oh god, is this healthy? I was like, are you you know, like just genuine concern for you, but then as things started to you know be Good and just everything was good and I was just like, oh my god. Thank God cuz you deserve the world Like cuz even like when I was first on apps I was just like I was using as like a hyper fixation scroll scroll scroll match match I like do this and I was like, this is bad Like I'm like seeking for something that I need to give myself internally on here Um, and that's why I was even worried about like going back into it but I was like no like I'm I don't have to do anything that I don't want to do and I think also cuz like He also had the same intentions of like not looking for something serious So like that kind of both helps when you're going into something and not expecting anything from either person and like it just made a lot easier to be like, oh like You're who I've been looking for like this is what I've needed and what it like has like my life has like Like a lot of things I've learned in life has led up to this moment of like being like ready for an actual like serious like relationship like this and especially like Being 26 like, you know, most people are like looking to get married stuff like that and I'm like, right, you know looking for stuff like that made me nervous because I was like I don't want to I don't want to like get into a relationship with somebody that's like, oh I You know XYZ like you have to fit into this plan It's just more of like no you can like grow with each other like, you know parallel to one another and be able to like be supportive of each other's futures and like plans and like Like at the end of the day like you're in a relationship, but you're two separate people still We think like Because I was just noticing the next thing on your on your list here and I'm just like there's nothing more romantic than a man who's like I'll put you on my health Listen, I'll be honest and I was talking to him at my health insurance and everything like that and he was like well You know the plan B option We can just get married and then you're gonna my health insurance and I'm like great I love that I just met you Or even like, you know, like when he told me he's like Oh, like I cross-referenced like some of your medications and they are covered by my insurance. I was like, oh my god, like modern-day love The next thing on my list was that health and my health insurance with my parents insurance has been extended for two years Thank God, but I'm also kind of still in the mindset of like, okay two years to figure this shit out Yeah, you know as much as I would love to be like, yeah, let's just get hitched and I get your health insurance I do think that like I would like to which I've had this conversation with him But like, you know being that like that independent still yeah, like to just have it just so this way I'm not like worrying about like, you know, like and it's way in the case of like, oh if you need it I have it or if you know, like, you know XYZ because sometimes like it's harder here like Well, and it's like I don't know I think being dependent I mean literally being dependent on you know somebody for Something as important as health it like that's you know It's nice to know that you can rely on yourself if you need to and thank God you got I just yeah Cuz it's like yeah Watching you watching Courtney watching other like, you know knowing that like, you know When I turned 26 like end of July 2024 like I want it's like Graduating June 2024 and knowing I'm losing my health insurance, you know end of July 2024 horrifying horrifying I'm like I gotta find like a good job that will pay me enough that I can move out and Provide good health insurance like fuck that's horrifying and that's where I just felt where I was like I'm so like grateful and thankful for this because With the health insurance plan I currently have like when I was talking to like, you know The people that the person that helped me apply for like the extension like first of all, it's considered for like Adults like disabled adults. So I was like am I disabled enough to get the extension was my main factor? Yeah in the beginning It was like the paperwork was like you either get denied or you get extended until you're 31 And I was like, okay, those are two big like there's a two big steps apart from one another So I was like whatever I get like I like I can't do anything if I get denied I get denied if I guess I guess it's like you can't do anything So when I got the letter in the mail, I was this was right before I was going to Disney again, too And my mom like she opened it for me because it was addressed to like my dad and it says like okay You're like dependent has been like extended until December 2025. I was like Two years. I was like, oh my god. I didn't think it was gonna be I Being genuine. I thought I was gonna get denied Like I really didn't think that I was gonna get extended and I was like mentally preparing for that answer So I was like two years like that's more than enough time I was even like hoping just for one year like, you know, just hoping for like some amount of time. Um But I was like, you know, thank God because I just like it gives me it gives me like more time Even so I put the plan and to put the plan into place to like find out what my next steps are so I do think that my My boyfriend arc did take up a lot of my like August into September Mind set because like I don't know what else do you think about when you're in love? Then the other person But Cassie, how was your how's your fall and now we're transitioning into the fall the fall time of the year. Oh Yeah Well in the same way that leaves fall Trying to make some metaphor So do I I don't know well as my Summer was winding down things started to go down hill Everything with my internship was good like the whole way through like that was never an issue. Thank God It was just everything outside of that and then life after that Yeah, like you know, sometimes you can have the most well-intentioned people in your life and They're gonna be unintentionally ableist because they're able-bodied and I mean, I mean, you know disabled people can be unintentionally ableist new but It came as a surprise and Was a lot to process and brought up a lot of stuff from the past and I think to like it's hard like Navigating any relationship is hard. Now we're getting adult friendships. I was hard like being honest with people like honest open communication is hard like it just is and even though it's something I'm better at now, it's like Still it's just like it doesn't make it any easier and Yeah, it was that That took up a lot of my brain space I won't get into the details because it has been Talked through and resolved and things like that but I mean it is also like a reality of being disabled is sometimes people you love disappoint you and It's it's rough, I mean That's I mean that makes me so grateful for like our friendship in that way because it's like literally If you're not disabled you don't get it like what it's like to have people in your life who like are unintentionally like Upset you in this very specific way. Like it's a very isolating feeling yeah, and so yeah, that sucked honestly and Yeah, I don't know it just Also, I don't know there's Most most of the time like as I'm going through my day, I don't think about the fact that I'm disabled But then when stuff like that happens, I'm like, oh yeah, I am different and This does affect my life, you know, like yeah and So that was like heavy and a lot to process shout out therapy Shout out honest communication Yeah Yeah, I mean, you know that some people like And it's like some people hurt you and they have literally no idea that it's that they hurt you that bad yeah, and sometimes to like having to have that conversation with someone you feel like you're like I need to like drive this into their head and They just don't get it because they're not like, you know, they're able-bodied people like they're not gonna be like Oh, this is a boundary for you Or even it's just like, you know There's still only some extent like there's still even if you explain it perfectly like there's still only like yeah so much that people can understand when that's not their lived experience, but you know, I think it's just like I'm glad to be at a place in life where I'm like, you know people will keep growing and Learning and it sucks. But yeah, I mean it's like I get it sometimes fucking up is how you learn You're not always gonna know before you fuck up to prevent like it's just not right. That's unfortunately not reality that's not being human and yeah, but So that was kind of weighing me down in August and then and then yeah September I wrapped up my internship and I had a like solid two weeks of summer break before fall term was gonna start and I was able to spend some time with friends and stuff, but as Summer break was coming to a close. My mom's health was like she was having a lot of health issues that were demanding both my attention and my dad's attention and To sum things up called 9-1-1 twice in one week. She ended up being in the hospital for five weeks Not exactly the way I expected to start fall term of my senior year But hey, I just want to give a shout out to the Fountain Cafe at Providence Portland, okay Because holy shit, if that's not the best hospital food place I've ever been to Um, they had fro-yo that for a large cup of fro-yo unlimited toppings, I mean Unlimited in the sense that they only had so many toppings that you could pick from but Unlimited toppings three dollars and fifty cents. They're open until 2 in the morning I'm about to show up at the hospital just to get fro-yo. I Mean that like taco salad bowl that you got that one time and you were like guess how much this is and I don't even think it was more than five bucks No, it was oh my god It was so cheap and I like when they had baked potato bar and I thought was like seven bucks I was like, I just love it inflation doesn't exist at the Fountain Cafe and Usually they had because they always have fucking fresh hot cookies. They usually have chocolate chip snickerdoodle sugar cookie Well, there was a chocolate chip cookie shortage And so at first when we got there, they had bananas foster. We tried those last And when I say we I mean me and my dad Hey, and We tried those last they ended up being the best ever ever why I will think about bananas fosters Cookies from the Fountain Cafe for the rest of my life They eventually ran out of them because they said that they sent them because of course we got to move all of the workers They said that they got those like the place they order from just sent them Bananas foster cookies instead of chocolate chip because they were like here have these instead I'm like, okay Thank you, because this is the best thing that's ever happened when they ran out of the bananas foster. They had some more cookies They were also incredible by the time that my mom was discharged they were back to just chocolate chip sugar cookie and snickerdoodle I've never been more disappointed in my life You went through the cookie gauntlet there who even knew bananas foster cookies existed like not a random flavor Not me and it was oh my god It was amazing and sometimes we'd be there right as they open and so they would literally be fresh out of the oven And they couldn't even get them out of the bag because they were like stuck in the bag Oh my god, it was amazing. And so that really sparked a lot of joy for me. Sorry mom you were stuck She wasn't really able to the pros and cons I know I'm like, I'm sorry about it mom, but also you went and ate good food Well, I was having surgery as a child. So take that right? It's my time. It's my time My dad's like I never want to be like he's always on the eating side. He's never the one in the bed Someday That is such a disabled like chronically ill family thing to say, sorry I to any normal person with a normal healthy family that sounds insane, but I mean that in a light jestful way Because it's anyway, I do not wish ill upon anybody it's just Hospital cafeteria. Listen, my dad's like let's start a YouTube channel where we just review hospital cafeteria food. I'm like I Love you even though Also, they're lemon cake. They had like a dessert case down there and the lemon cake it changed lives Okay, okay, I thought I won't like sweets right now so good I want a s'mores cookie Yeah life-changing stuff And like during the time that she was in the hospital, I mean like it timed out I think that like the first week she was in there. My dad was on vacation. Like he just had vacation set and So that was nice because he was home to be able to help me with stuff but I mean she like I said, she ended up being in there for five weeks and so when he went back to work like My aunts that live nearby like were able to come help me with stuff but eventually I got to a place where like we figured out solutions for the very few caregiving needs that I Had and so now I'm able to be fully independent like even beyond, you know my mom's been home for like over a month now and like I'm still able to be fully independent and that's been like a Weird, you know, I hate to say there's a silver lining whenever there's health stuff, but I mean, it's just Regardless, I mean it was something that needed to happen eventually, but you know, I'm just like hell. Yeah Yeah, the fact that I can put on my shoes myself. Oh my god How nice um, but also, you know the world wanted to kick me while I was down I got identity Um My Internship employer contacts me and they go somebody filed for paid leave under your name It turns out it wasn't even under my name But it was closed enough that they were like this is suspicious and also nobody with that name works for them And also obviously my internship was over. Why would I be like? Didn't make any sense. And so I called the State Employment Department. They're like, oh, yeah, this person used your social security number and Like that way it was weird because it's like all they had was my former employer and my social security number And they were pretty much like yeah, I mean we marked it as fraud. So obviously they're not going to use it you know, they're not going to get approved but They were like, you know, there's pretty much nothing you can do you can freeze your credit Well at the time I had no credit. So I was like, there's nothing to freeze there. I was just like cool There's nothing I can do You know, I can't you know can't even produce a credit report because I have no credit like there's no way I mean like I Guess that's a good thing in that if I were to check my credit and something were to come up like that would be concerned Yeah, but But there I mean there was nothing I could do which was very weird because I feel like when you hear about identity theft You literally picture somebody out there in the world and person Right, like they have a picture of your license. Yeah, and they're like going around being like I'm Cassie, you know No, that's that's that's not it. I remember you said to me you're like who would steal my identity I don't even want to be Yeah Yeah, and then and then because it couldn't get worse. I got jury summons Which you know, God bless, you know serve your country, you know looking it's good to sir, you know It's good to have good people on jury For Halloween, I'm like go fuck yourself. Are you kidding? I'm sorry. Do you know what I'm going? You're gonna make me go to jury duty on Halloween when I'm crocheting a frog I will go to jury duty as a frog Wait to do I'll just go home if you want me to change the facts ribbit ribbit Thankfully, I didn't have to go in they didn't need me um But I was like damn you just gonna keep kicking me while I'm down Anyway, my mom is doing much better now and is home and stuff which is so good for her and I am now burnt the fuck out Because apparently when you're in a state of fight-or-flight for her like seven weeks it really fucks up your brain so That's where I'm at besties the press release hand heart emoji How's your fall been oh just so ever dandy I went for my Actually, so this isn't this is an update from the first season, oh, yeah, I Went for my ADHD like Diagnosis test Drumroll, please I was diagnosed with ADHD. Oh my god. Wow. I'm so shocked What you say that as if I haven't been spinning my fidget rings this entire time and playing with my hair and pulling my hair Out while Kathy talks cuz I just like need to be touching something and doing something as I'm listening or something Yes, you mean that people without ADHD don't send 20-minute audio messages several times There's been 20 minute audio messages several times a day Where's that audio message like bounces back and forth like this is a ping-pong game Like I'm going through all different topics crying loving laughing experiencing all the emotions at once in 20 minutes No, a normal person doesn't do that. Are you crazy cuz I am So I was diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type in case you're wondering And I had a whole like I mean the The test itself was very interesting. I mean I could sit here and go all within it But I'm not going to discuss every detail right now But when I had my follow-up appointment with a psychologist, you know, we talked about different like medications We talked about like even like executive function training and how to actually like Kind of like apply your brain to work in certain ways and figure out things that work for you That aren't just like medication because we know that like medication is not going to fix everything that there's a lot of things you have to Do yourself, which I was like, oh my god, you're telling me I have to work to feel better Yeah, I want a pill that doesn't for me So I was taking well I am I'm not gonna say I was but I Was prescribed like the generic form of Adderall And I've been saying that for a couple weeks. I started taking it around like the end of November It had some weird side effects at first like low appetite. I did feel a little extra jittery. I felt like I wasn't Like I felt like it just like took me like a couple days to like really adjust to it And now that I've adjusted to it I'll be honest. I don't really think it's been doing much for me. Um, but I was taking it for a couple of weeks And it was not doing much for me. Um, I Like I'm on like a low dose So I would imagine that like the next step would be to either like hire the dose or to you know to change my medication But I also deal with some like Borderline heart issues. So I do think that like in retrospect a stimulant is probably not the best option for me that I probably should Take like a non-stimulant and you know go that route instead Um, which will be the conversation that I have with my like PCP during our next appointment The only upside I guess is that my Adderall pill does say 1-1-1 on it I mean when I opened that up and I saw it It was like not ansel numbers on the ADHD medication as if I was taking more dilulu like Oh my god, yeah I'm glad you were able to finally get like that answer, but you know the validation of what you've been experiencing yeah, I mean like I did love seeing the doctor the the Person like the I don't know what you call someone that like administers the exam But like reading her little notes that she wrote about me saying that I was friendly and I was saying my fidget rings And I was shaking my leg a lot Like oh my god, she knew um and I was also i'm like taking other medication for pain that's called a gabapentin and It's also like Prescribed as like a low dose like anti-anxiety medication Um for people and cats just in case you're wondering for people for cats They mentioned it in a bring me the horizon song like we're we're dropping names everywhere for gabapentin. Gabapentin's got people um and I like I I was taking it for pain obviously at first and it was helping me and then I was taking it for a little bit like for anxiety purposes and stuff, but like I feel like it's something it's a medication where like I take it and my brain feels blank Like there's nothing up there. It's elevator music There's a tumbleweed up there like there's nothing happening and I don't like that feeling Like I just don't like that because even like I feel like it makes my reaction time a little slow I feel like I don't really have like authentic feelings like the one day I when I took it and I was at my boyfriend's house, I was like I live i'm like I'm, like non-verbal right now I'm, like I just don't have anything to say because I don't like i'm not thinking about anything And I don't like that because I just like don't authentically feel like myself if i'm not just like Like running a mile a minute, you know, well i've got some news for you If you ever do get adhd meds that work, just kidding. I don't feel blank. I just but it sure do slow down Well, right and that's like what I was missing with the Adderall is that I don't think that it was necessarily slowing down time for me it was just more of like I felt like it wasn't doing much was like, you know If you take Adderall and you have adhd it does the opposite effect Of what someone that doesn't have adhd because you know when I told people I started Adderall they were like oh my god, like you're gonna feel crazy like you're gonna do and i'm like no, like the when you took when you take Adderall when you're in college and you're studying for exams and you're like Like you're going through that stuff. Like that's Because you don't have adhd so you are not depleted of that like brain chemical that it gives you So like you're it's just adding extra to your system. So that's why you feel like that But like I don't have that brain chemical. So it's just making me like a normal level, you know um so that's but like I also just do think that like sometimes I feel weird if I take my Adderall like I almost feel Like it's going to give me like a heart arrhythmia. So i'm like I need to not take this um, but I do plan on talking about like some anti-anxiety medication next time I see my pcp because I think that like As much as I know more people are like, oh when you have adhd and anxiety like it's if you get on adhd medication It will help your anxiety like and I do think that that is true But I I think that there's also needs to be like some other supplement there um Around the same time. I also started going to yoga, which was has been nice to do like yoga classes like once or twice a week Listen, I hate to say it, but I don't think yoga really does much for my mental health So I think I just like to feel strong. So i'm like I need to I need to lift weights I need to do a power lifting. I need to get really jacked and then i'll feel better nice um and around this time too, like I Was pet sitting i've been pet sitting more watching like cats dogs rabbits all the fun things um In october the beginning of october. I went to disney again Um, I got muppet fever and I projectile vomited literally. Oh my god. I forgot about that I forgot about this and the one I was writing the notes out I was like, oh my god, I forgot that I went to disney and I also forgot that I literally like Had saw god in the hollywood studios bathroom, like I was not okay I think you sent me a selfie. I think it was selfie fighting for my life As my friends are enjoying like the water show. I was like, yeah, i'm having a water show too in here I think I was at a concert or no. Oh, wait. No because this was october, right? Yeah, this is beginning of october I don't know where I was or what I was doing But I just remember being like oh mariah's dying in a bathroom in disney world right now I was literally fighting for my life. I mean granted I was dealing with some stomach issues a little bit over the summer, too That was just like I just call it pooping weird. It it I was pooping. It was just weird I'm not going into too much detail. No that you'll you'll save that for our audience Um I was in disney and like granted this day it was it wasn't that hot out but I just wasn't drinking enough water and I did have some alcohol on top of it all and um, I was like I was going to the bathroom, but I wasn't having like satisfying movements. We'll say and I Like sometimes when this happens is that like the only way i'm going to get the stuff that's inside me out Is to throw it up. Um, and i'm and I was like in the bathroom and I was considering like do I pull trig? Like what like I like something has to give But I was like sitting there and I was watching some of the water show that they do at hollywood studios And I was like i'm gonna throw up like I feel it inside me already that i'm gonna throw up So I walked to like the top of the pavilion and just yeeted it like right out of my system like expelling a demon like I and like one of the like I waved at one of the cast members and she was like waved back at me like very like Suspiciously like what are you waving at me for and I was like, i'm Um, and she came over she got me a wheelchair, she wheeled me to first aid We were chatting we were talking I had I took a she let me take a selfie in a mirror backstage like it was a grand old time and i'm talking to her and I was like This girl's not making eye contact with me. Why isn't she like? I was like, I don't know. Why do I feel weird about this right now? When I get to the bathroom of the first aid I was covered in vomit Of course, she's not looking at me. Of course. She's standing away. I stink and I look horrible I'm the exorcist of hollywood studios. Like this girl was like, I don't want to be near you. I'm, sorry um And then like for the rest of the trip I did kind of I I didn't get as sick as I was then but I was this like on and off like You know, I couldn't do some of the rides because I wasn't feeling well Which I was like, you know what fine like I would rather like skip a ride then, you know suffer for more days Yeah, um, you know the animal kingdom day was chill, which was it sucked because it was the park with the most walking But I was like, you know what I needed to chill. Um And like I think that was kind of like my My vendor events in october were very meh I feel like that was something that I complained about a lot of my instagram story because I was like guys It sucks to spend money at a vendor event for a fee my vendor fee To only make the vendor fee back and then an extra 20 bucks. Yeah, like i'm not making money here, bro um Also, I started like during that time as well. Like this was actually a little bit before disney I started editing a memoir for somebody. Um, i'm not going to go into too much detail because I As much as I enjoyed it. I don't think it was like it's not like Other people are going to think it's like that interesting but I did really like in editing and I did really like how it kind of gave me a purpose and like a bit of a career idea because I like You know eventually do want to go back to school Um, I could probably talk about this in another episode but I thinking I would like to go back to get my bachelor's degree in english and maybe make Writing and editing a like potential career prospect. Yeah Did you have you finished the memoir? I actually haven't asked you about it in a while so, um when I followed up with the person again, uh, he Read everything that I wrote and kind of realized that he wanted to Like rewrite the entire part again, um, just because he wasn't like it wasn't anything that I did It was just like what he wrote he was like, oh, I think I could add more to this So he's actually going to contact me like in the new year about like going over the stuff again Oh, yeah, I love it i'm like I just love this idea of having like this like piece to kind of even add to like future resumes and stuff like that and also just to like I don't know like I think editing is the same way how I feel like editing the podcast like it adds a totally different like like it's a different experience for me and it's something that like I don't know. It's very like self-soothing in a way because i'm like Oh, like being able to work on a project like start to finish and have this like, you know thing to show for like my efforts Um, and I love going to like a cafe and sitting there and getting a coffee and typing it all out Oh, so good. You are so cool And I know we met in like some like sarcastic weird way, I mean like i'm like wow That's my bestie. Go bestie And thanks during all this time, too. I did take a I did take a tea break. Um, i'm going to call that a taylor swift break because I listened to In the early stages of my relationship month of august Yeah, I listened to cruel summer by taylor swift. Yeah, i'm not even kidding every single day multiple times a day I listened to august by taylor swift. I went through each like era of hers. I was like, oh my god I'm listening to lover i'm listening to all this stuff because I was just like i'm just a girl I'm, just a girl like I that's all I can say and I was like I have to literally take a break from listening to tell us because if I do she if I continue this antic She's gonna be my top artist when I know it needs to be boy genius Which I will say you may be the only straight person I know who had boy genius in their top artists on Spotify wrapped and I respect that, you know, they need diversity And i'm so glad you can provide that this is serena but on the boy genius subreddit people talk about how like people literally try to gatekeep them and say like they're only for like Bisexual girls or like lesbians only. Oh my god And i'm like, oh my god, I gotta like prove like you gotta like you listen to boy genius kiss the name five women that you kiss Oh my god Oh my god, that's incredible um yeah, I mean fucking I This year I I mean because I obviously went and saw the eras movie since I didn't get to see the tour which I'm, sorry Justice for speak now One song and it was enchanted Right. I saw a lot of you. I didn't see the movie, but I saw a lot of people talk about that so like in the movies, they would have this like I don't know kind of title screen Transition that would come up that would like introduce whatever era she was about to perform And I was like, yes speak now. Let's fucking go. This is my shit She plays enchanted and then it's like title screen for the next era comes up. I was like, okay I think I was like what? So that was upsetting. Um, they do have long live in the as a bonus song in the rent Old version the rental version the version that's out. Yes. Yeah, like yesterday her birthday she put out Um, there's like that like yeah, they added long live and they added like two other songs or something like that But I was just like justice for speak now because what the hell taylor? Um, but I will say that I did listen to 1989 So much this year and realize that i'm like a total 1989 girlie. So that's been fun. Like because I it was Like when I was like a proper swifty back in the day It was like from her debut album through red and then after that I kind of fell off um, and so I missed the 1989 era initially and so I don't think I had ever really listened to it in full and so I've been very much enjoying it that's so interesting because I remember when 1989 first came out and I like was in high school and like I remember vividly people talking about it like like welcome to new york and like, you know Obviously the song about harry styles and just like the whole gauntlet. I didn't even realize that Bad blood is on 1989 The weirdest part when 1989 taylor's version came out is when I was listening to it and I knew the words to most of the songs But again, I had never listened to the album also, I do have a I do have a bone to pick with miss taylor because When I saw the five nights at freddy's movie, this was in october Um, because you know, we're gamers like I don't know where this is going But yeah, so when I was watching the movie, this wasn't like 12 or one o'clock on like a friday like The time a normal person goes to the movie, you know That's the theater next to us was playing the heirs tour movie and it was so loud that you couldn't even immerse yourself in the film you're watching because all I hear is fucking like I don't know about you, but i'm feeling 22 like right next door and i'm like this is actually like irritating like because I want to like i'm paying to watch this movie and i'm i'm gonna get to like I'll earn my My hard-earned money that i've spent that my boyfriend spent on these things Like and I can't even immerse myself because I hear the errors tour next door which like I think somebody got up during the movie and said something to the up front because They came back and like a couple months later. It was softer So I think that they said like hey, this is because it literally was distracted I've never been inside a theater before where I could so vividly hear the theater next to me like playing And like I was like, oh my gosh, like what's happening? Like this is actually annoying because like, you know, the five nights at freddy's movie is like a thriller like atmosphere So it's quiet like and there's certain like little like music things that it plays and stuff and like you can't hear that if the Like you're literally distracted by like this the theater next door So amc how dare you and when you said 22 that really reminded me that there were a lot of songs that were included in the arrows tour movie that Shouldn't have it. It was very singles heavy. Um, yeah, but to be fair, I really enjoyed hearing like shake it off But it's because I haven't personally exhausted that single yet Um, but when she was playing like 22 and I knew you were trouble I was like as if I haven't listened to these songs a hundred times in my life But I was just so pissed about speaking. Yeah, I think it was really it was really personal That's so unbalanced too, especially because speak now came out over the summer Yes, well and she like and like some of the like I honestly can't remember the difference Of the like folklore evermore like some of those she played like five songs from them. I was like Again, just speak now. Oh, but but she included our song from the debut, which I didn't think there was going to be a single Yeah, which I do remember the choreography that I created Okay, also I was going to say granted I mean folklore And evermore She didn't tour and same thing with lover, right? so I know people were saying that like that like They were finding those ones to be heavily featured because the fact that she's never played them Which that makes sense from a tour perspective, but from a movie perspective It could have been more balanced miss twist. We have some notes after you listen to this episode Please dm us on twitter or dm us on instagram. Yeah, or just give us tickets to your next tour. Thanks Thanks, oh my god live podcast from the arizona and like copyright strike one, two, three The only other media that's really Rocking my world right now is survive I there's one thing about me. It's that my life is measured in wednesdays Because that's when survivors spawn And there's another showman's this season and that's all I live for yesterday I almost had to pause because I was giggling and kicking my feet. Okay. I was like, this is too much This is too much for me right now The showman's this season's even better than the one last season and i've got to say when it's next season And there's probably no showman's because what are the chances that that would even happen that many times? um, it's gonna be disappointing but um God, if I don't love survivor, obviously the only media i've been consuming is or Is the only media i've been consuming is Not being on twitter. Oh, yeah, because you since we last podcasted you you got rid of it. I Completely axed it. I don't remember exactly I wish I was like you and kept an app that said like how many days since i've been on the hell site I haven't um, I think it was actually the beginning of september. I deleted it. I think deleted it very loosely I just deleted the app from my phone. I didn't I don't think I deactivated my account or anything but My issue is that like I got banned on twitter like in august um, i'm not gonna really give a reason why but I got banned on twitter and I was like it kind of made me realize like I got banned for a week. So I was like I went a week without like being able to tweet Which like when you're in that like when you get banned you're in like red only so you could Read and stuff like but you can't like tweets. You can't reply to anything um and I was kind of like this app does nothing for me then Like it does nothing like all I do is read miserable things all day and things that make me sad And even when I was able to tweet I wasn't getting a lot of interactions I think that a lot of my friends like either weren't on the app as much anymore or weren't on it period and also like Weren't seeing my tweets because like, you know, there's the two different timelines still so I don't think a lot of people were seeing my tweets and I was like I could go without it. Like I could definitely just go without this So I deleted it and the only the only social media I have on my phone is instagram now Um, I don't count youtube as social media because that's just like that's the silly app. Um, so Because I like I I got off reddit for the same reason of like I hate reading stuff that makes me sad um facebook I was never like drawn to in the first place and um tiktok I have Because of like recently I downloaded tiktok But then like I don't go on it because like I don't even like think about going on it. The algorithm doesn't know me yet um, so I don't go on there because I don't get anything fun, but I like I felt I actually thought I was gonna miss twitter and I really don't like my Like i'm not like anything different without it. Like I have been able to read some more books. I've been able to like actually enjoy like life more like Like, you know because like you would really go on there and just read some things that would make you upset or and like it's not even like like you would read news and stuff, but it's not like news that you Particularly like need to know it's like why am I reading? About what other like low level like congress people are doing in other states across the country like you know what I mean, like why am I reading about stuff that really isn't like I like obviously I know there's certain things you definitely want to keep up with and things that you have to be like aware of um and things that you want to engage in but Other times i'm like why am I reading about like what elon musk is doing? I don't care. I don't care about what his recent take on a movie was. Are you serious? Yeah, it's like non-news that is made into news or I mean, we are constantly exposed like like you said it's like some news it makes sense for of course us to consume and otherwise it's just we're just Being bombarded with too much information um it Reminds me of like I don't know. I just I when I quit it was like People were arguing over like hypothetical news It's just like it was just so bad But like I mean your exact experience of like yeah, like it wasn't that hard like taking to me It's like there's such a different psychological difference between taking a break and quitting as soon as you're like, you know what i'm done It's like out of sight out of mind like and it's funny because I had downloaded an app to like Keep track of like how long i've been off twitter. Well, then I forgot I even had that app because I didn't care um, and then I randomly came across it in like my app library or whatever and I was like Oh, I can delete this because I haven't been on twitter since like may and when I deleted. Oh, I don't remember when I Deleted my account. Yeah, because you actually Fully went ahead and deactivated. Yeah, I was like, I don't I was like I don't need this like bye like I ain't coming back, you know, and it's Haven't looked back since I don't miss it People have been like I have blue sky invite codes if you want mine like I don't No, like and that's the same thing with like instagram threads. I was like I have no intention of like finding a replacement for this Like because that was the issue to begin with was this Like because not even like even stuff as news It's like you'd have a viral video of someone living their life. They they did a fun craft They just enjoyed and they would get so much hate and so much like Anger put towards that person and i'm like, oh my god like this person made like a fun dress and you're ripping them apart and saying all these horrible things and like Even like um, and that's where like tiktok is the same way because once you get a viral video It's like all the comments are like the same thing all these comments are like Talk about how horrible this person is and that was the same thing with twitter and i'm like I'm, like like what are we doing? Like this is as a society this is like what we're giving our energy into like not to be so big brain about it, but like I was like you're being a like Give it being a hater. Sometimes it's fine. But like sometimes like when you're really sinking your teeth into this one person like What are you doing? Like where's your like dude take a step back and like look at yourself and be like What like I know I think a lot of times it's like people are like They're active like, you know when you're being like that mean and like that much like hatred towards like somebody that you don't even know It's like bro. What's going on in your life, man? Like I want to sit there and be like, how are you? well, and I actually you know, because you mentioned like yeah, there's like news there's non-news that like there's like various things that like make social media the worst but um, i've actually been reading proper news then I quit twitter and because I mean Instagram I mean Instagram only gives you news if it's like right now like with everything happening in palestine Like people are actively sharing stuff. So you're seeing stuff more that way But in general you're not getting news and so you have to seek it out. And so I usually look at Npr so I get just you know general overview of what's happening nationally And I look at opb which is like our local version of that just Get a grasp of what's happening and make sure I know and it's such it's a little more pleasant way to get just actually reading news sources is such a more pleasant way than you're seeing the headline, but it's paired with somebody's like Whatever they're saying. It's like it actually allows me to critically think for myself, which is so delightful which like it's so interesting you say that because that's how I felt with twitter is like You would hear something like you would get like some like News given to you that something that you read and you're like, what's my opinion on this? And you feel like you have to read the echo chamber first to make your own opinion and I felt like that's really bad because I should be able to read something and be like This is how this makes me feel. I shouldn't have to read what other accounts are saying first And I think that that definitely was twitter was doing for me because you know You see some like like report and then you see like the quote tweets about it You see all this extra stuff before you even saw like what the headline said You would read more of what other people were saying about it than the actual thing itself yes, 100 and like at least with instagram in some way I felt like That's more of where I would get like trustworthy loosely Information because I think and I think it also obviously depends on who you follow the accounts you interact with and that's really what you're Like kind of your views skew towards but on instagram or not I got on twitter Like because of how the algorithm was you would see everything from everybody It was like you would see like right wing opinions about this. You see left wings You see like everybody's thoughts about this one thing And I was like this like it makes it very confusing to like really understand Actually that that's such a good point It's not even the amount of news we were exposed to it was the amount of opinions about the news that yes What was oh my god? Because like like I said, it was the thing that like was the final straw for me was like people were arguing about News that was hypothetical and underwhelming and if I had come across the headline i'd be like, okay, whatever Like yeah, and instead people were like like ripping each other apart. I was like, oh my god I was like this is And it was like making me have negative opinions of people I actually know in real life and I was like I was like no no, I was like we're done here Okay, but like that's so real because I would see that's why I hated the function of like A tweet that you have a tweet and at the top it says this person liked this Oh my god, because like we all know that like accounts that you follow does not equal your opinion especially because people would follow like some like controversial accounts, but it's like no because they're trying to keep like the whole like they're trying to fill the whole sphere and not just have like little parts like they're trying to like See like, okay. I want to like almost like see what this person says about this so I could be like You know to just like know more stuff I guess not be in an echo chamber, right exactly. Um, but then like I'm, just like this is just so much stuff that like i'm reading and i'm like making these observations about certain people When I know that they're not like this like I know them authentically in that way and social media doesn't work for that I guess I will say too like it's um being less like yeah in Because instagram is not really the best way to get life updates in general from people for the most part unless they're posting like I'm engaged or i'm I don't know, you know like stuff like that um, like really big life updates and so I think it's also made me better at like updating my friends more personally about what's going on in my life and stuff, which is Fun and nice which speaking of what's going on in my life. Yeah, so nowadays, um, let's see. I Yeah, as we're recording this i'm on winter break. So I just finished fall term um My fall term classes were just okay. I honestly didn't learn a lot which is kind of annoying. Um, but I'm excited about my winter term classes um, I decided to register for all online classes because i'm currently interviewing for uh jobs in the state legislature for the 2024 short session so it'd be pretty much they're all like temporary positions that are like Two to three months long. Um And so I figured it's like they're basically all full-time. So I figured just Sticking with online classes obviously makes sense. Um, and so I am signed up for um, Let's see i'm signed up for a critical disability class which is I've changed my schedule so many times since I initially registered but my friend came across this class And it's like i've been complaining about the lack of disability classes and it actually falls in the child and family studies program and so I had honestly been always skipping over those classes because It just sounded like I don't know like such a specific program that I was like, that's probably not what I want but the description of the class is actually very general like So I think that it'll be really good and like the syllabus looks really good for the class And so it's like I don't know i'm excited to be represented in curricula And then um And then i'm taking a screenwriting class i'm excited for that for you I'm, so excited because i've been wanting to take fun writing classes But because I need to take 300 and 400 level classes to count towards my degree I can't take most writing classes because it's like advanced fiction writing advanced advanced that and I haven't taken the prerequisites To be able to take those because they're all 100 and 200 level classes that I would have had to take um, and so this is one of the random writing classes that doesn't have prerequisites and um, So i'm very excited. I think it'll be so nice I just really haven't taken a lot of fun classes that are truly for me Um, and so i'm really excited about that and then the other class that i'm taking is called crime and social justice and It's kind of about like the history of how the criminal justice system has disproportionately impacted people of color and like the history of like the whole cracking down on crime thing and like How the media perpetuates myths about crime and stuff like that. So i'm really Excited about that. I think it's really relevant to local politics right now. Um, and yeah, I think it'll be good to like Understand some of that history more and dispel some of those myths yeah, and even like I feel like that's uh, it's a bit of a branch out to Like compared to like the classes you have taken like this past year, too Like I don't really think you've taken like many like Like crime focused or anything like that like not at all. Yeah, exactly and so it's like I figure it's like I mean the disability class. I mean the disability class is different, but obviously So based on my lived experience, but and like screenwriting so different like and like, you know after this After winter term, I only have three more classes. So i'm really hoping until i'm like done with school And so i'm really hoping that for spring term that I can kind of do that same thing of like Taking three classes that are unrelated to anything i've taken I actually I was initially on the waiting list for screenwriting And so when I got off of it I had to drop a class I wanted to take and when I had the disability class I had to drop a class I wanted To take because like I can't Take everything. I yeah, it's like, you know, I can't take five classes um, and so like the I dropped a class about the middle east and I dropped a class about uh, Native american and settler relations, which was like an anthropology class So I really want I was really interested in those but I think they're also available more regularly so I was like I you know, I could probably take those in the spring and so Hoping to do that and just make the most of the rest of my education but yeah right now i'm in the thick of applying and interviewing for Legislative jobs, so i'll keep you all updated on that. I really hope I get something I've already been rejected from one thing. I cried about it, but hey We're gonna keep trucking life life goes on Unfortunately, it's gotta keep going um you talking about school like in the classes you take makes me so excited to like apply for like different programs and stuff in school and also be able to kind of like gather the classes like that too because I Like, you know as much as I love to take like, you know writing classes i'm like Oh, like it'd be really fun to have those like fun like, you know more like introspective and classes like sprinkles throughout like sprinkled in between that you're like Oh, like I wouldn't be taking this if I wasn't You know here and i'm able to like actually like get like a very well-rounded education out of this all, you know Exactly. And that's the thing is I I just remember a lot of the advice I got when I was going back to school was people were like Take classes that expand your perspective, you know Yeah so i've I feel like i've Really been able to do that in a lot of ways and honestly some of the terms where i've had to You know drop classes and switch things up and stuff. I've really ended up Taking classes. I wouldn't have taken if I wasn't in that situation And like i'm thinking about like when I took anthropology of food It's like yeah, that's a class. I never would have thought to take the lentils project But it's just like yeah, it's just like stuff like that where it's like I don't know. There's just been so many times that i've gotten to take classes that I as things I never would have thought to intentionally learn about on my own and And it's also been cool and interesting that most of my classes aren't policy focused by any means, but we end up having Policy papers that we're writing and i'm like that's again obviously furthered my Interest there so it's like it's been fun and nice and shout Shouts the frick out my professors for being so understanding of everything I was going through fall term, I literally would not have I if I did not have like their support and flexibility with like turning things in and being late and like them being understanding and that way like There's no way that I would like I would have ended up dropping out, you know Like with everything I was going through so it's just like so grateful for that like that's so good they were able to accommodate and Help you out in just like the ways that they did. Oh, yeah, but when I registered for winter term, I decided that i'm dropping my community development minor because One of the classes I took fall term was one of the ones that was required for that minor and I just really didn't enjoy it. Honestly, because I didn't learn a lot and The only classes I have left I only have two classes left for the minor but like Neither of them sound interesting to me. I don't think i'm going to learn much from them So i'm like i'm not going to waste two classes, you know a third of what I have left of school on classes that I don't want to take and you know community development made more sense when I might have still been going like a planning route, but Now that i'm focused on policy and stuff and I already feel like i've gotten everything I can out of like the urban studies classes that i've taken so far. So i'm just like No, i'm just gonna do what makes me happy and feels fulfilling to me, which was a hard decision to make but um But I I regret nothing if I if I spontaneously want to be a planner i'll go back to school. Damn it All right, the time has come where we reveal our new recurring segment uh, so it's called pod don't post and it's inspired by when I would text mariah things and I would say Text don't tweet when I was still on twitter Or even when I was like quitting twitter and stuff um and I don't know it ranged from hot takes to mental breakdowns to just stuff that was just unnecessary to tweet or too nuanced and niche for people to get without more context and I think too like the It kind of also derived from like wanting, you know, sometimes when you tweet things into the void you want the void to respond back So if you text your friends, you will get a response back true Yes, and so Evolving from there. Yeah, we came up with pod. Don't post and so every week you can Hear what we're not posting on the internet, but we're thinking about anyway What what's your pod don't post for the week um When you have multiple internal monologues going on at any given time So shake it off by taylor swift is playing in the background of your mind while you grieve someone's death I'm like, I can't post that on the internet. That's like people would be like what the hell My brain has like there's always music in the background in there and So sometimes you find out somebody, you know has died and you're crying about it, but in the back of your brain Is Um, yeah grief is a spectrum and sometimes your brain It's doing things How about you? What's yours? so my pod don't post of this week is that right now in the new fortnight season, they Finally put peter griffin in the battle pass and like fortnight heads, you know have known that like peter griffin has been in like Like previous leaks for like future like cosmetics and skins and stuff like that for your character so people were like Oh, I doubt it's ever it's never going to happen It's never going to happen like, you know because like for multiple reasons of like fortnight being like a kids game they're not going to have like a quote-unquote like adult cartoon character or um you know, they were like Oh, he would be like his hitbox would be really big because he's like a bigger like character Like they usually do like tall slender like character skins So they added peter griffin and they had they gave him a whole backstory about like why he looks like the way he does Like why he's like a thinner version of himself like a bulkier version of himself and I think he looks great and I think it's very fun and it kind of gives me something to like work towards in that way Because like if it's in the battle pass, it means that you have to reach a certain level to unlock it So that means you got to consistently play you have to level up And it's been fun to like get back into playing it with the new map and everything And also they implemented a new like style of the game that's called lego fortnight with it's a collab with lego because apparently now which I didn't even know this like Uh The I think it's the people that like epic games which like creates fortnight Rocket league like fall guys a bunch of other games own like lego and they also own like guitar hero So they've implemented modes in fortnight that you could do this other stuff with so like lego fortnight is basically like minecraft and like It's an open world like sandbox sort of game where you can you your character gets like placed and you go from there Like you forage for supplies you like you meet other villagers you build towns like you do all this stuff Like you combat enemies and it's been very fun and I can sit there and play for hours With no thoughts in my head at all Like i'll sit around an audiobook and I will sit there and play lego fortnight for two hours And i'm like, this is great Like this is what i've been looking for like to just like mindlessly like dump at the end of the day like rock girl season also includes Laying in bed playing lego fortnight in the clothes that i've been wearing since yesterday like That's what we're doing who is peter griffin I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I will say the majority of the time you were talking just now I would feel I was like sending you my support but like I was like also looking for a dictionary Peter griffin's from family guy Oh, like the dad like the main guy family guy peter. I was picturing some man Which well he is a man. I mean he is my man, but yeah, that's why people were like Oh, I don't know if he's ever going to be in the game but like they have a lot of like the fortnight wow go crazy because they have so many characters that they're like Oh, this could be a character in a game or like this is someone that like we could try to get like you know and that's why like they even have Like a short on the fortnight youtube channel about like how like peter griffin came into the game Which is so silly that is even a thing But yeah, peter griffin's on fortnight If you want to play fortnight, please message me on instagram and ask me for my gamer tag on epic games I mean you play fortnight together And your instagram is what? sassafrass.777 Please game with her because i'm not gonna You can't get fortnite on the switch The duality of our pod don't post. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, we I I toss it up and you spike it down Sorry Okay, so we want to try something this Season we want to do an episode later in the season where we answer your questions or share your stories and perspectives On the topics that this podcast covers so you can email us at tcmspod at gmail.com Or dm us on instagram at tcms pod You can ask us questions about our experiences with disability chronic illness and navigating our 20s You can share your own stories of disabled joy or ableism and how you navigated it If you're not disabled, what's something relevant that you've learned or noticed as you move through life We want to hear from you no matter who you are Where you know, whether you're disabled or not wherever you live, however old you are anything Nothing is off limits because if we don't like it, we're just not going to use it So again, you can email us at tcmspod at gmail.com or dm us on instagram Uh, we'll eventually have a cutoff date for that, uh that we will mention in future episodes and post on social media, but Uh, yeah, I think that it would be fun This is kind of our alternative to we have thought about the idea of having guests but there's a lot of technical logistics we would have to figure out and so Uh, but we want to incorporate more people into the show Yeah, and it also just adds like more ideas for future episodes or for future segments like you know to kind of have a bit more of like a bit more sayings to talk about because you know, I feel like you and I can only Ride the wheel of like conversation so much before we need another like input question in there Especially when it comes to stuff for the podcast. So and we do cover so much that it's like What do you want to hear? What do you want to talk about? You want to hear something like you want to hear an in-depth story about something else we've discussed or Like other stories that you know Maybe we haven't or we have but like we don't know where it would bring up in context for like what episodes So yeah, definitely shoot us an email Or dm us that's probably more that's probably easier Well, that's a wrap on this week's episode Be sure to follow the cassie and mariah show wherever you listen to podcasts at tcmspod on instagram And look out for new episodes every wednesday. Bye