Facade of First Year

The podcast host, Madison McGriff, sent out a survey to first-year girls at UVA to explore their social experiences. The survey revealed that most first years rated the friendliness of their peers at around 3.8 out of 10. Some respondents felt that their expectations for UVA did not match their reality, while others expressed difficulty in finding a close circle of friends. Social media was identified as a factor in creating an outward appearance of strong friendships, but the reality may be different. Many students feel pressure to fit in and make lifelong friends, but this can cause stress and disappointment. Overall, the average rating for the first month at UVA was 3.1 out of 5, with social aspects being a major factor in lower ratings. It is important for students to be patient, try different activities, and seek support from others who may be going through similar experiences. Welcome to my podcast. My name is Madison McGriff, and today we're going to be talking about the facade of first year. So a few days ago, I sent out a survey to the girls on my hall. So I live on the first floor of Hancock. So I just sent it to all the girls on my floor. These questions have to do with their social experience at UVA. I wanted to acknowledge this topic because I feel like it's really important that others don't feel alone if their social experience may not be as good as others seen. And I also want to talk about how other people can portray something that may not necessarily be true. So I sent out a list of about seven questions. Today, we're going to go through four of kind of the most interesting responses we've gotten. So the first question I sent out was rate the overall friendliness of other first years at UVA. The respondents were given the option to rate 1 to 5 stars, 1 being first years at UVA aren't very nice, and 10 being that they're very friendly. I would agree with most of the results. The average was about 3.8. 30% of people put 3, 60% of people put 4, and 10% of people put 5. I think that's pretty valid. I honestly would probably rate it about a 4. Personally, I haven't had any experience where other first years were rude to me or not welcoming. Everyone has been very kind. One thing I also want to acknowledge is the kindness of upperclassmen as well. I think when you first go into UVA, many people believe that there's going to be this really intense competitiveness, and maybe others won't be willing to share kind of how they got to where they are. What I've noticed from upperclassmen is that they always want to help and they always want to give advice to help improve your next three years. For example, my roommate is trying to get into the comm school. She's met a lot of fourth years who are actually helping her out, kind of telling her what internships she should try to get, what clubs she should join, and what classes are really important to take. The next question I asked was, did your expectations for UVA match your reality? My results that I got from this were actually very surprising to me. 70% of people actually said yes, and 30% said no. I was surprised just because of my own personal bias. My reality was not the same as my expectations. UVA was my number one top school. I E.D.'d here, and I had probably the highest expectations ever. I was like, I am going to find my forever friends. I'm going to have amazing classes, amazing professors. I'm going to love my roommate. I'm going to love the dorm. I'm going to love the grounds. I was just so, so excited. My expectations didn't match my reality because maybe my expectations were a little bit unrealistic. That may be my personal bias in it, but I do want to emphasize that I really thought I would find my close friends. So that kind of leads us into my next question, which was, do you feel you found a close circle of friends during your first semester at UVA? I could agree with most of the results. 50% of people said sometimes, 20% said yes, and 30% said no. I think what made people lean more towards the sometimes rather than just saying yes is that I said, have you found a close circle of friends? I feel like that's different because personally, I have a group of friends, but I may not necessarily be close with them, and I feel like other people are having that experience as well. I've talked to a few other people, and they say like, yes, I do have this group of friends that I hang out with, but we're not close like my friends in high school were. We don't tell each other this or that. I think there's this really strong outward portrayal of having this strong friend group with the tightest connections ever, and they look like they're best friends now, and they're having a blast. I mean, looking at the results, that may not necessarily be true, but if you're looking at it from the outside, it looks like it's amazing. Social media is definitely a big factor of this. People post pictures. There's only so much you can tell from four to five pictures that are posted in someone's feed, but at first glance, it looks like they're having the time of their life. Like I said before, I think people have friends or a group of friends that they hang out with often, but they may be lacking this stronger connection. One thing I do want to really go into is social media. Personally, once I got into UVA, I was watching a lot of TikToks, a lot of YouTube videos like Day in the Life. I would specifically watch this one girl because her life just looked so, so fun. So I'd watch her Day in the Life videos. I would watch her TikToks. I would see her sorority events. I would see her with her friends, and it looked like she was just having a blast. But actually, a few weeks ago, she posted a TikTok. She was talking about how she actually was really struggling during her first and second year, and she's kind of going through that same situation now, which I think is very interesting because when I was looking at it, I was like, she looks like she's having the time of her life. I can't believe that she actually was struggling socially during her first two years. It was during the pandemic, but she also talks about how even after the pandemic, it was really hard for her to find friends. She also talks about how she was kind of lacking that connection. I think that's really important for others to hear, and I appreciate her for posting that video because that kind of opened my eyes, and it made me feel so much better about my situation because I was like, yes, people look like they're having fun, but you really, really don't know what's going on behind the scenes. This kind of goes into the next question as well, which was, do you feel pressure to fit in or make forever friends this semester? I felt not even pressure. I just was like, I'm going to meet these people that I'm going to love for the rest of my life. So when I met a group of people, and I do hang out with them a lot, and I was like, I don't think they're going to be my forever friends. Then I felt pressure. I was like, OK, now I have to find the friends that are going to be perfect for me, and they're going to be my bridesmaids, and I'm going to have the best time of my life in college because that's what everyone says. They said, college was the best time of my life. I loved college, and I wanted to love college. And when I looked at the results, 60% of people said yes, 30% said sometimes, and 10% said no. I think that's really reflective of what I personally think. I would say that others outside of just the respondents would agree with that as well. There's definitely this preconceived notion that you're going to have the best four years of your life. There's a lot of pressure to make sure that it's the best four years of your life. So when things aren't going well after one semester, I think people definitely start to freak out, and I'm one of those people that has started to freak out. So I think that's just really interesting that others feel the same way. What I also think is interesting is that nobody's really talking about it. It's definitely a very vulnerable thing to talk about, which may make it hard if you're not having a strong connection with your friend group, why would you talk to them about it? I actually take this class called Resilient Student, and we have discussion times every Thursday. And this was kind of the first time I was able to share my experience, and so many other older students and then also other first-years were like, no, I'm going through the exact same thing. And it made me feel so much better, and it also almost made me sad, because I was like, I wish all first-years could hear that we're all struggling in this together, and the second-years and the third-years and the fourth-years all went through this struggle also, and nobody should be alone right now, because we're all having a hard time, and I wish that everyone got the chance that I did to sit in that discussion and share how I really feel and be vulnerable, and then get this amazing feedback. You know, it'll take time. Be patient. Don't put so much pressure on yourself for you to find these amazing, amazing friends. Do clubs. Try different sports. Try different classes. A lot of stuff that I wish everyone was able to hear, because I think it was really, really helpful. Another question I sent out was rate your overall experience during your first month at UVA. So that was, again, 1 to 5 stars, 1 being terrible, 5 being amazing. The average was 3.1. About 20% put 2, 50% put 3, and 30% put 4. This was a lot lower than I expected, just because when I see things on social media, it looks like all these first-years are having so much fun, and they look like they're having an amazing experience. I see people walking in between classes. I see people going and getting lunch with their friends. When I go out, I see big groups of people, and I just feel like, why would their experience be low? And I think there's a variety of factors that go into it. It's really just dependent on the person. I would have probably rated my experience around a 3.5. The only reason it's lower is because of all the social aspects of it. I personally have not had as hard of a time academically as I thought I would. I went in thinking that I was going to be failing out my first semester. So I'm very happy academically, but socially, I'm definitely struggling. What I was wondering was what different aspects are going into their overall rating. I added an additional comment section. Someone actually said my rating would be much higher if I had more friends. I completely agree with them. I think a lot of people would agree with them. College just has this, not even a stigma, but just this, like, stereotype, I guess, that you are going to just go in and, like, meet all these different people and have so much fun and be best friends. And for some people, that really is true, and I think that's amazing for them. But I would say for the majority, that's just not true. The transition is a lot slower than many people expect, and I think a lot of people need to hear that. Because when I moved my freshman year of high school, it took me almost two years to find my friends, and now I'm, like, obsessed with them. I love them. They're my best friends. And I'm doing this whole transition again for college, and I feel like I've been doing more well because I know that this transition can take a long time, and that's just a personal thing for me. It may be different for others. I just want everyone to know that this transition period is personally designed for you, not everyone is going to take a year to make friends, and not everyone's going to take two weeks to make friends. It really just depends on the person. I would get really frustrated because I'd be like, why am I not making friends if I'm going to, like, these clubs? I asked the question, do clubs or social activities help you make more friends? It was interesting because the majority of people actually said no, and I was looking through the comments, and a lot of people were saying that clubs didn't meet as often as they thought, or it was really awkward for them, and they stopped going to the meetings and things like that. I just think, you know, you have to find the right club for you. If it's not going to work out, then it doesn't work out, and you can move on and find a different one, but I think it's still really important to just put yourself out there because you never know what can happen. Overall, I just hope anybody who's listening to this understands that we are all different, but a lot of people are going through these social struggles, and I wish that we could all come together and form this amazing community of vulnerability and honesty about how we're really feeling. I just think everyone should take these results and just keep them in the back of their mind when they are having a hard time or they feel like things aren't going out as well as they thought. I would just say be in the uncomfortable transition and make the most of it, and eventually things will get better. I hope you guys enjoyed the podcast, and just make sure to be patient, to have confidence in yourself, and also be vulnerable and share your story with others.