EPISODE 1- MY STORY

LT is the host of the LT podcast, which aims to be a platform for people battling with mental health and everyday people who want to have a chat. In the first episode, LT shares his personal journey with depression and anxiety over the past few years. He emphasizes the importance of seeking help and opening up about mental health struggles. LT also talks about his experience participating in the Swing of the Stars dance competition and the fundraising efforts for the Stenlock Stone Foundation. He encourages others to get involved in similar initiatives and highlights the need to normalize conversations around mental health. Alright, we good? Yep. Cool. Alright, welcome to Episode 1 of the LT podcast. I'm your host, LT, of something I wrote Chanel into doing the first episode with me. So, obviously, yeah, just thought it'd be a good idea to start up the podcast and, you know, be a platform for people that battle with mental health and all the rest of it, but also a platform for just everyday people who want to come on and have a chat. So, yeah, the first episode, I thought I would just go through what I've been through over the last sort of three, four years and, yeah, just put a bit of perspective on it. I'm not a professional by any means, but I think, yeah, I've got a story to tell, so I thought why not tell it over the next few weeks. Yeah, we'll really ramp it up, get some guests on with some very interesting backgrounds. So, thanks for everyone that's listening. Yeah, so I'll start off, I guess. Yeah, diagnosed with depression, get anxiety a lot, which is something that, obviously, a fair few people battle with. It's only sort of in the last 18 months that I've been diagnosed with it. So, Chanel's had to put up with me for a while undiagnosed, I guess, but she's obviously been really supportive. So, how have you been going with it, Chanel, putting up with me while I've been going through it all? It's easier now. Easier since you got help anyway. Yeah. We'll just leave it at that. That's fair. But, yeah, so we're actually going to probably have a bit of a chat that we haven't really had the chat about, I guess. So, it's going to be news for everyone, not just us two. So, we'll dive into it. Yeah, I was just obviously really struggling probably last year around February. I was just, you know, in a mood for all day, every day, struggling to get out of bed. And, yeah, obviously, Chanel asked me one day what was wrong and I didn't really have the answer. I broke down into tears just because I was obviously really confused and didn't really have an answer for a while. I was in such a shitty mood 24-7. So, that was probably the kicker. I think that's probably the week where we had a couple of weddings on, I believe. And then, yeah, we had a bit of fun over that weekend and ended up with COVID, which put us in a bit of a pit anyway. But I think with obviously, yeah, the lasting effects of what I now know to be is depression, yeah, sent us into a bit of a hole, sent myself into a bit of a hole. It was probably at a time where I was at my most fittest. And after that, I didn't really recover, I guess. I just went from COVID to long COVID to, yeah, obviously, been battling with my mental health. So, I went and got help in June. I think it was May, June. It was just after, yeah, months of sort of being really up and down with my moods, you know, snapping at people, all the standard things that obviously come along with it. And probably I didn't really want to own up to it. But, yeah, there was just a night after footy training where I tore shreds off the boys for probably no reason. That was after a fair few sessions of, yeah, just being constantly negative. Even though, you know, the boys were doing really well. I thought I was doing pretty well as a coach. But obviously, yeah, the doubts were in my head. Didn't know how to deal with it. Yeah, then ended up around at mum and dad's house in tears, broke down to them. And, yeah, I eventually got help, went and seen the doctor, who obviously, yeah, put me on some medication, which started off on 50 mils, which for a while was probably enough. But then I'd noticed that I probably wasn't getting any better or getting better as quick as what I wanted to. So, went and got it up, which, yeah, now I'm still on 100 mils of sertraline. Do that daily. Yeah, so the biggest thing was the doctor asked how long it's probably been going for, which I couldn't really pinpoint. And it was probably two or three years, I guess. But it probably stemmed from maybe five, six years ago with a few incidents that happened sort of within the space of a short amount of time. There was an incident, it was all at the pub, was my gaming manager at the time got bashed behind the counter by some crackhead, which I was the first one on the scene. Had to break that up, drive all that out. That was within probably the first six months of me being there. And then there was a death out the front of the pub, which I was first on scene for again, which is obviously really confronting as a 21-year-old kid running out to see, you know, two bodies lifeless on the ground. Yeah, one obviously ended up passing away, so that was probably a bit of trauma there, which I went and got help for, but probably didn't do enough sessions and probably, you know, compressed it, put it behind me and tried to move on. But I guess, yeah, that probably affected me a fair bit. And then dealing with loss with Schnell's and Donner, which probably all happened around the same time as all the rest of the grief that I was going through. So that was probably sort of the cherry on top when, yeah, I was just a ball of sadness, which I didn't think was a problem being a 21-year-old kid. I thought I was just going to move on and get over it. And that was the end of it. But I guess that's probably going back six or seven years. So probably just a sign that, you know, things like that do happen, but you're better off, you know, talking about it then and there and trying to solve it before it becomes a massive problem. So, yeah, that's sort of been my journey over the last, well, five, six years, but mainly the last two years. Still go through it. Still battle every day. I have more good days and bad days, obviously, with having kids running around and crawling around. It's pretty hard to have a bad day. They're a lot in our lives, definitely. So, yeah, it's been a hell of a journey. Still going through it. But, yeah, so I thought I'd get my story out. Like I said, I'm no professional, but I just want this to be a platform for where people can jump on, have a bit of a chat, and, you know, we'll find out more about people and what they go through and how they deal with it and all the rest of it. So, you know, I get people coming up to me pretty often now, you know, and there's a few people that have sort of opened up and I think once you be that guy that, well, not even that guy, but that person that, you know, once you open up, you'll find that more people do gravitate towards you. You can be that ear, you know. I didn't mind being that ear. The last few years, even when I was battling myself, I still put people first, but obviously, you know, people's problems do pile up on you as well. So, something to think about if you are going through shit yourself, then, you know, think about your own health first before you try and help anyone else because you will find that once you're, you know, around that 90%, 100%, then you're probably in better stead than you are to help people than what you were before. So, yeah, how did you go through it, Chanel? When I obviously, you know, broke down and all that sort of stuff, it's obviously, for me, it was pretty hard because I felt weak, you know, and I hear people say it's not weak to speak, but that was probably my initial feeling when I broke down to you. Obviously, I'm meant to be the man in the house and all the rest of it, but yeah, how did you feel at the time? I didn't really know and I didn't really know what to do. I don't know how you remember all this because I don't. Yeah, I think that's natural. I don't remember anything. I do remember that though. Yeah, I think it's natural. I think, you know, some people are equipped to probably get that thrown on them and if you're not, then that's fine, but I guess, yeah, it was a pretty big thing to dump on you and I guess going through it would have been tough, especially with Louis being a little fella. So, yeah, unfortunately, it's something I remember everything else, but it's just, yeah, one of those things that, yeah, I went through and I'm glad you were there. Obviously, you helped me get through it, so you still have to put up my shit every day, which probably bad luck for you, but no, it's definitely gotten better. The anxiety stuff, that definitely doesn't go away. You get a fair bit of that yourself. So, you know, for anyone that does battle anxiety, you know, you will have your days, you will have your moments and it probably, you know, I'm speaking about myself, but it probably doesn't matter how confident you are and confident you seem. Anxiety definitely doesn't discriminate. I've had my days where, yeah, you know, I hate making phone calls. I hate taking phone calls because, you know, your brain runs at 100 miles an hour and you just think that bad shit's going to happen every time. But they're little things, obviously, that you just, yeah, you learn to deal with or, you know, you put things in place so you can try and get over that barrier, I guess. But yeah, like the anxiety side of things, probably my biggest anxiety attack, I guess, would be or episode was probably before our game of footy 10-0 last year. We ended up winning it, but I ended up going in halfway through the warm-up, put the headphones in, deep breathing, meditation and all the rest of it, probably 10 minutes before we ran out because, yeah, the brain was in overdrive. Obviously, you know, nervous as well, but very anxious and that probably overtook the nerves a little bit and I, yeah, obviously got the sweats up and the cramps up and all the rest of it. So that was probably in a real critical part of, I guess, my life when you're trying to rebuild a club and, you know, get a team to win for the first time in eight years. Yeah, it was a real bizarre time for it to happen, I guess, and, you know, that's the sad thing with anxiety is it just hits you and you least expect it. But I think, you know, we're getting through it. We're both overthinkers and you're probably worse than I am, but that's, yeah, that's all part of it. It's all part of it. Yeah, so we'll keep this episode probably short and sweet, I think. Probably people don't want to hear too much about me. They'll probably hear more about me in the next few episodes anyway, but yeah, I've got a few questions that have popped through, you know, people asking to come on, you know, which I'm more than happy to get, you know, everyone on. This is the whole point of having this podcast is to have people, you know, of all ages, either gender, you know, absolutely anyone on either, that has a story to tell, whether it be good, bad or the rest of it, you know, we won't be clogging down just on mental health. It'll be, you know, a bit of fun, a bit of shit talk, but, you know, it's going to be a chance for people to come on and be raw, tell their story, whether it be confronting or, you know, people will probably find it distressing and, you know, it might hit home for some. So, you know, if you are listening to some of my episodes and, you know, you do feel something there, you know, break out and talk to someone because, yeah, like I said, it probably will hit home for some and that's fine and that's what we want it to be is more about normalising, you know, everyone's battles and, you know, not being afraid to speak up when you are feeling blue. I mean, you know, it's a big thing for mental health and males and all the rest of it, you know, we are slowly turning the tide, I think, but we still have a way to go with speaking up and, you know, making it known that it is okay not to be okay, especially with the amount of loss that we've suffered in the region over the last sort of three or four years, five years. I mean, it's probably been going on forever, but I think it's hit home for a lot of people, especially, you know, my age or our age and younger, kids you go to school with or, you know, their brothers, their sisters and all that sort of stuff, you know, they've all lost people to suicide, unfortunately. So, you know, if this will help one person, then happy days, but, you know, it's all about just spreading the awareness and knowing that it's okay not to be okay, like I said, and it's not weak to speak, even though when I did first break down, I think weakness was probably the key feeling that I was feeling, you know, being this, I guess, figure that people see and perceive me as, I think it was a bit of a shock to myself that I'm probably actually not this guy, I'm probably wearing a bit of a mask there for a bit, you know, and the way I was at work, the way I was at footy, you know, it was completely different to probably the person I was at home. Is that fair? Yeah. Which, yeah, I think you find yourself, I guess, putting on that mask every day, you go to work, you be this guy that, you know, people want to talk to, people want, you know, advice from and all that sort of stuff, so I was sort of putting on that mask and running that for a while, but, yeah, obviously it crept up on me and, you know, when things were looking rosy on the outside and hitting the skids at home and all that, I mean, we were pretty fine, obviously, but I was just in a real down pit there for a while, but, you know, you learn to separate that and work, I guess, and footy, where you have to be up and about and ready to go, I was doing that, but at the same time, yeah, you're probably getting the worst of me, and I was trying to do better for everyone, but probably not the right people, so, you know, that's my story, and, you know, everyone obviously goes through shit and they deal with shit differently, but I think, yeah, the way I've gotten through it, I wouldn't have obviously gotten through it without you, the kids, parents, my brothers, I've got a real good support network, you know, the boys at work, and all my friends that, obviously, yeah, I'm pretty open with it all, so I think you find once you open up or you post some stuff on social media, you will find that there are more people out there like that, which, you know, I love when people get back to me, you know, I do post up when I'm, you know, feeling a bit scattered or whatever, and I just do that for, I guess, people who know that, you know, it is okay that we're all going through shit, and, you know, people do send me stuff that actually, you know, I'll try this when, you know, I have anxiety attacks, or I'll try this when I'm feeling a bit down in the dumps, and, you know, some stuff may work, some stuff may not work, but I think the more that we can normalise it, talk about it, you know, spread the word, people have different ways of dealing with shit, and if you can take one thing on board, it'd be massive, and if it works, it works, if it doesn't, then, you know, there's always stuff that you can fall back on, so, yeah, as far as my mental health journey, that was, that's probably it, yeah, so we'll switch the play here a little bit and get a bit more upbeat, obviously, there's been a fair bit going on in my life, and, well, our life, for those of you who don't know, I've got two young boys, Louis, who is three, and Zeb, who's one, in about two weeks, so, we're always busy, working a couple of jobs, and Chanel's working three jobs, and social media, and all the rest of it, so, you know, we're always, we're always busy, love the busy life, do we? Sometimes, don't want a quiet night, either, but, yeah, we've been pretty flat out, I've been learning how to dance, that was all an absolute experience, so, yeah, the old swing of the stars, which was, yeah, probably the most unexpected, best experience of my life, and I got asked to do it, obviously, I was straight away, I said yes, and then I backflipped a little bit, and Chanel had to talk me into it, due to my busy schedule, that I didn't think I'd be able to fit everything into, but I made it work, missed a few sessions here and there, through illness, and injury, and all the rest of it, and I thought, you know, I'll be fine, and then, went to the second one, after I missed the first one, and was well and truly behind, so, it was three months of pretty solid work. I didn't see you for three months, but that's fine. So, that's why you've probably been happy for the last three months, but, yeah, so, you were in your element, though, teaching me how to dance at home. Yeah, I loved it. You always, that's probably what you wanted to do, was have a dance boyfriend, which you never thought you'd have, but you sort of do now. Here we are. Yeah, so, that was good. Just a quick shout out to every business individual that donated our money, vouchers, whatever it was, towards the Stenlock Stone Foundation. Obviously, we cracked the 100,000 as a group, which was massive. We, yeah, we didn't really have any expectations. I didn't have any expectations as an individual total, but, you know, and back to that anxiety thing, it was pretty, I was pretty anxious walking around to businesses asking them for money, and donations, and all the rest of it. I don't know why. It's just, obviously, how the brain works when you're an overthinker. You just think that they're probably going to say no, but for a cause like that, you know, no one said no. Everyone chipped in, and whether it was $10, $1, $100, $1,000, you know, it all went to a good cause that flows out for the next, you know, 5, 10, 15, 20 years to come. So, the fundraising side of it was full on. I probably pulled my finger out of my ass in the last, probably, month. Probably the same thing with the dancing side of things, as well. So, yeah, that was a good experience. Yeah, it feels like I'm nagging you. And nagging. And nagging. But that's all right. So, you got me through it. It was an absolute pleasure to do. Cassie kept me in line. She taught me how to dance, which I needed all the help I could get, so she was pretty unlucky to get straight with me for the first, her first movement of the stars, but she did very well to put up with me for three months. So, taught me how to dance, taught me how to perform, and we did pretty well on the night, apart from fucking up the one lift that we didn't stuff up for two months, but that's all right. Let it go. Yeah, nah, we'll get over it one day. Let it go. But, yeah, so just a shout out to all the dancers, Kim, the stars that we did it with, as well. You know, that was three months of, you know, good fun, good hard work. The dancers, especially, they have to still, you know, train for their comps and all the rest of it and keep us in line, as well. So, you know, if we get the pat on the back for doing the fundraising, they deserve a bigger pat on the back for getting us through it. So, if you do get the opportunity, you get asked to do it, whether it's next year, the year after, definitely jump on it. If you think you don't have time, you will make time for it. You know, we, like I said, we live a pretty busy life, I live a pretty busy schedule, but I'm glad that I took the time out on a Sunday afternoon and a Wednesday night in the end and a Thursday lunch in the end to, you know, learn how to dance, get to know Cassie, get to know the group, and you make friendships that you obviously have forever. So, I think, yeah, if you get the opportunity, go with both hands, roll with it. Yeah, so, the next few months are looking busy. Next few months? Yeah, yeah, we've got a bit on, which will be announced probably in a couple of weeks, I guess. What's coming up? Well, for me personally, anyway. What have you got? Oh, I've got a bit going on, can't really say at the moment, but yeah, so there's a little bit going on behind the scenes here. Obviously, this will be a weekly thing, you'll still hear my voice and someone else's voice every week, but I'm definitely going to have more time, which will be good. I'll be able to reintroduce myself to the kids and have a bit of a family life. So, yeah, there's things in the works. We've got a few games of footy left as well, which we'll get through. And then, yeah, so there were some questions asked on Insta, which I'll write them down, otherwise I wouldn't have had a clue what was going on. Yeah, so what have we got? What's the first one? Describe the feeling when Nangas broke the drought. Describe the feeling when Nangas broke the drought. That's from Donnie Gordon, actually. Yeah, it was something else. Like I said, I had a massive anxiety attack before it. Nerves obviously kicked in and all the rest of it, so before the game I was shitting bricks. But, yeah, obviously it was a tight game, a tense game. And I guess, yeah, the anxiety was through the roof and the nerves were through the roof, because I guess, you know, I probably had an inkling that that was probably the day we were going to do it. The feeling afterwards was electric. You know, you've got people from different clubs, different leagues, running onto the ground, trying to hug you and do whatever. And it was, yeah, something I've probably never felt in footy before. It was probably a better feeling for myself coaching it, which, you know, it was always going to be a massive task going out to Nangas and trying to turn them around. And I guess, you know, I've somewhat done that, but didn't do it by myself. Got a fair bit of help from Tazzy Raymond and got a fair bit of help from even Celeste, trying to keep my head straight, as well as obviously the backing from home to be thinking about footy for seven days a week. It'll probably go down as the best memory of football I'll ever have. Yeah, and obviously that's from a personal perspective of coaching it. It probably doesn't get much bigger than that. And then we backed it up this year and won another one this year. So I'm just hoping that, yeah, the one win this year isn't the last one either. So, yeah, thanks, Donny. Will LeBron win another title? Will LeBron win another title? That's Jimmy Jones. So, yeah, this is really switching it up. I think he will. I think he will probably play out a year with his son and that'll be probably him done. I think his best bet would have been this year, but obviously the Lakers weren't real flush. So I don't see LeBron winning another title. So you can keep your receipts for that if he ever does again. But yeah, at this stage, I can't see him winning another one, Jamil. I have a question. Fire away. Back to mental health. Yes. How was your mental health when mine was at its peak? So when you were battling? Yes. Mine was probably all over the place, I guess. Because you copped it. Because I copped it. And I think I probably understood what was going on, I guess. Like, I obviously didn't understand what you were going through. You probably understood more than me, though. Yeah, because I wasn't obviously the one going through it. But, I mean, going through similar and obviously, I was probably more open to the idea of getting help than you were. You obviously needed a push, you needed me to book in, you needed, you know, that sort of thing. I guess that's like the Italian stubbornness coming out in you. But I think, yeah, when you were when you were battling through it, I was pretty up and down. I think if this was two years prior, I wouldn't have been any help to you. Because obviously, I was fighting my own demons. And I wouldn't have been equipped to put up with what you were going through, which would have been probably selfish. But I think with the headspace I was in at that time, I definitely think I handled it pretty well. And obviously, helped get you through it. I, you know, did as much as I could with the kids and working 50 hours a week and, you know, dancing, footy, trying to keep my head straight. But I think I, yeah, I did it. I'm glad I did it. And I think, yeah, like I said, the way I am now, obviously, everyone that battles with mental health does have their days. And I was having my days, but I knew that if I probably showed my frustration, it wouldn't have helped you. So a lot of it was obviously just kept inside me, which is, you know, beneficial for everyone. And I ended up obviously, you know, just going for a run or playing the PlayStation or something just to change the mindset of myself. But I think you're obviously, you're on the up. Same as everyone else, you have your days. But obviously, the kids piss you off a fair bit, which being a parent, being a parent is natural. But yeah, no, I think, yeah, my mental health was pretty up and down, but it was, yeah, I think it was, you know, stable enough to help you through it. And I think I'm obviously more equipped with helping yourself and other people now. That's why, you know, I sometimes do put stuff out on social media to get a response, I guess, to see, you know, what people are actually up to and see if people will open up. And that's how, you know, I'll go back to it, but that's the whole point of this podcast is to get people in, get people telling the story, open up a bit, you know, and then we can have a bit of a laugh at the end and, you know, we'll fire away some questions and talk shit and do the rest of it. But, you know, I think in a community this small, in an area this small, you know, people need a platform to just talk and just relax. It's, you know, no pressure, there's no script, there's no nothing. So I think, yeah, what we've got going on will be pretty good. And if we get one listener or we get a thousand listeners, I'll do it regardless. So as far as questions go, what's the hardest thing about parenting? You're asking me? The guilt. The guilt? Yeah. The mum guilt? Yeah, the mum guilt. The mum guilt is real. It's real. I think. It's for everyone. I wouldn't even say the hardest thing, but I think like the biggest thing with parenting is like, we bribe our kids with chocolate. Oh. You bribe your kids with- You do whatever you can. TV time. You bribe your kids. Even though you always said you wouldn't? Oh, I used to hate when mum and dad said, like you used to ask mum and dad a question or something and you'd say, can I do this? And then they'd say, no. And you'd say, why? And they'd say, because I said so. It used to piss me right off. Now you get it. And now I don't. Now you get it. Yeah. Why? Livia would say, can I do this? And I'd say, no. And she'd say, why? And I'd say, because I said so. And it's the one thing that used to piss me right off and I actually do it. Because. Don't ask questions. So I think, you know, from a couple of young parents, you know, just battle it out. Best job ever. Yeah. Yeah. The hardest job ever. To all the dads out there, you're not actually babysitting when you're looking after your own kids. That's one thing that actually fucking shits me, is I can walk down the street with both the boys or one of the boys or whatever, with a pram. And the first thing that comes out of their mouth is babysitting, mate. Like, how do you babysit your own kid? It's got me stuck. But it gives me the shits. But yeah, as far as parenting goes. Any advice I could give to any dad is just wing it. You're never ready. You're never ready. And whatever you do, if you are a dad, help out your partner as much as you can. Advice from the number one dad. Is I do everything I possibly can, probably more than what Chanel needs. But at the end of the day, it's not a one person job to change nappies, wipe arses, feed the kids, put them to bed. I don't care if you do 20 hours or 60 hours. I average probably 45 to 50 plus. Everything else that goes on. But I still wake up to the kids if you need the bottle. I still shower them, feed them, change their arse and be a parent. Because it's not a one person job. It's a team. And I think, yeah, they do say teamwork makes the dream work. But it's true. I think Zed was a bit of an eye opener when he wasn't sleeping. The three o'clock arguments and shit that were pretty pointless. But that was due to it being him being completely opposite to Louie. That's right, we got through it. And yeah, and after what was it? Probably four months he slept. Basically he slept through six months, nine months, nine months. Nine. He didn't sleep for nine months. Yeah, I didn't sleep for nine months when I was 21 either. But yeah, I think you'll find that you just wing it. And just wing it and you just knuckle down. And you think when it gets hard, it probably is very, very hard, but you definitely get easier. Then they start smiling at you and crawling and talking to you. And then it's all, you know, you get home from work and they're smiling at you. That's probably when you're set, you're ready to go. So yeah, other than that, I don't think I've got much more for episode one with Ramble Don. I'm proud of you for speaking in front of a camera and with a microphone in your hand, which you said you never do. But it would have been pretty awkward me sitting here asking myself questions. I'm probably really quiet, but I tried. And that's what you had to do. So yeah, other than that, obviously, if you're down, if you're battling, reach out. Whether to me, obviously, even if you're a stranger, I'm happy to help. But you know, if you've got a good support system, reach out, because you're not going through it alone. And that's probably, you know, it's not weak to speak. You'd push me to get help. Yeah. I wouldn't have. And I think, yeah, to everyone that's going to listen to this potty, yeah, I'm better equipped now to listen. I can probably push you in the right direction of where to go. I guess, like I said, I'm not a professional by any means, but I think, you know, if you come to me, I can give you my advice. I can let you know what I do to sort of get through the tough days. You know, little things for me, listening to music, going for a run, going to the gym, even playing the PlayStation, whether it's trying to put the kids to bed earlier. So you have a bit of time with your partner or by yourself or whatever it is. I think, yeah, it's just, we all get through it. I'm here. If you don't want to come to me, yeah, like I said, use your support system and, you know, get through the bad days because the good days are always better. Any questions, anything, just send them through to the potty on Instagram or Facebook. So the LT Podcast, let's talk. And yeah, thanks for listening to episode 1. Peace. Thanks, guys.