Ep 9

The friends are catching up after a break and discussing their experiences during the break. They talk about their recent move to a new house, the loss of a pet, and how they explained death to their two-year-old. They also discuss their sleep routines and techniques for getting their children to sleep, including the use of sound machines and blackout curtains. They mention trying the cry-it-out method and the Ferber method for sleep training. They also talk about their children's fear of the dark and the importance of routines for bedtime. Overall, they share their experiences and challenges with parenting and sleep. Okay. Sorry, I'm checking my volume. Okay. Am I opening? Oh. Hey. And I'm Tara. Starting off this episode, we wanted to do a little check-in. It's been a little bit of a break. So, Kristen, how was your break? How is the family doing? I know, I know. And everyone listening, you too, you too. Like we have not updated each other on anything really yet, so we are excited to, yeah. Mm-hmm. Right. Oh, no. Shut up. Wait, and who was all in this, Arby? For 30-plus hours. Oh, my gosh. That's good. Obviously. Again? What are you guys doing over there? Oh, no. Shut up. Yeah, seclude ourselves. That sucks. I'm so sorry. Perfect timing. Perfect timing. Hey, stomach, let's keep me up the rest of the night. Mm-hmm. Hey. Jesus. I'm so sorry. Oh, no. Welcome back, everyone. Oh, my God. Well, I'm so sorry. You've been feeling crappy, literally. Right. Poor Penny. Well, hopefully she just maybe like hurt her paw and she'll be back to putting weight on it soon. She's got a lot of weight to put on it. No offense to Penny. I love all of her curves, but she's a thick girl. Hmm. Drama queen. Yeah. Stop. And did you start it yet? Oh, as soon as she starts it, everyone, we will do a little shout out to the page. Oh, I love her, though. I love her, though. She's massive. Shocking, right? He's a control freak. You didn't even hesitate with that. Yeah. She's lying. Oh, my God. I'm seriously like a roly poly. Yeah. Wait, what's the... Oh, my God. I just imagined her, the gif that was going around or the little snippet of a video that was going around where the dog was like scurrying off and it's like, We're going to cut this piece out, but I just pictured Penny just scuffing along. Yeah, so she's a couple inches off the floor. She's a big girl. Big girl. Right. Right. Oh, no. At least he says, Matt just falls asleep straight through everything. Right? Yeah, yes, I'm very excited to be back. Like, I definitely missed the check-ins, but, yep, we obviously moved. We're settled into the new house. The exact same layout behind me, so this might look familiar to other people, but it is a different house and a different room. But Chrissy was very confused on why I was in my old house, but really it's just the same exact stuff. Oh, my God, yes, yes. So, yeah, we're settling into the new home. I would say we're about 80% unpacked. We're getting there. A lot of just, like, the decor is the last part. We finally got, like, all of our furniture in the house and the new ones that we bought. So, yeah, it's starting to feel a little bit more like home, which is great. Obviously, like, we had to put Jada down, and if anyone saw that online, like, yeah, we unfortunately made that decision. And so it was weird at first, but it's getting easier each day, and I don't know if that's because we compartmentalized it and shoved it down because we didn't have the capability to unpack those emotions because we literally moved the next day. But, like, yeah, I think everyone's starting to adjust to the new normal. Of course we miss her, but I would say, like, throwing away her things is probably the hardest part, like, and only seeing one bed in the house, you know. So it's the routine that is, like, a hard adjustment. But, yeah, so to go along with that piece, we had to figure out, you know, how are we going to explain this to Liv, right? And how do you explain death to a two-year-old? It's not really – I know there's so many different stories out there, but, like, we didn't know which one we wanted to end up on. We, like, talked about our options and everything, and we knew she was going to ask about Jada because they were best friends. Like, they – oh, yeah. Yeah, and it was going to be, like, you know, the flick of a day, right? So what we did and what we decided to stick with is we started preparing her a couple of days in advance. So we started to explain to her, you know, like, Jada is her, and, you know, she needs to go see the doctor. And then the way we decided is that Jada was going to go live with the doctor so the doctor could take care of her. And so we had to explain that, like, you know, she's not going to be here when you get home from school. So, like, you've got to say your goodbyes and give her a hug, you know. And she was like, Jada's going to live with the doctor? I'm like, yeah, she's going to live with the doctor. And she's like, Jada's her? I'm like, yeah, you know, she's going to – yeah. But it was nice that she – it felt like she was understanding at least to an extent of what was going on, you know. Like, I felt like I could explain to her a little bit, even though she's only two and a half, like, or a little older. But it felt like I was talking to a normal person, and she was comprehending it, which is what we needed, you know. And Matt was the first one to kind of introduce, like, where Jada was going because they have their mornings when he drops her off at school. And then I have my moments, like, at pickup and whatnot. Anyway, so we told her that, and Matt wanted to add – can you hear the other dogs? Sorry, we're going to have to cut this out. Hold on. Sorry. He was losing his shit, and Liv's already sleeping, so everyone was panicking. Oh, my God. Okay, so obviously we'll have to cut that section out. But yeah, okay, so we told her she was going to live with the doctor and everything, and Matt threw in at the end of that, at the farm. Jada's going to the farm to live with the doctor and get take care. And what Liv took out of that story was Jada's going to live on the farm with the doctor, and we get to go visit at the farm. And so there's a couple moments of trying to explain to her, like, no, we can't visit. So anyway, it was interesting, you know, having to cover that topic at such a young age. I don't know, like, everyone's adjusting well, and it – yeah, it couldn't have gone smoother for kind of the shit show that it was, you know. But she did – I know I said this, I think it was like two episodes ago. I said that Liv hasn't hit that why stage yet. We are full force in the why stage. It is every other word she wants to know. Why? Why? Why? Why? Which is rare. Yeah, it's – and then she has a really bad issue with, you know, interrupting while you're talking to someone. And it felt like the family guy scene with Stewie, and he's like, mom, mom, mom, mom. Liv is to the T like that. And then if you don't answer her in a certain amount of time, she just screams, I bitch. Oh, I about died. But yeah, so that's really our update, just, you know, trying to figure out our routine, and we're prepping for Hawaii in a couple weeks, so. Yes, yes. I can't frickin' wait. Ooh, maybe. Maybe, or we record when I get home, and I'll share some videos of Hawaii in our Instagram. Yes. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yep, we're still coordinating with at least one of the people that's going to be on the episode, because someone hasn't reached out and asked yet. But it's going to happen. Mom, if you're listening, I'll give you a call tomorrow. Yes. Yes. Mm-hmm. We miss each other. Checking in, part one and part two. Heck yeah. Mm-hmm. Cheers. All right, guys, so last week we talked about different parenting styles that exist and what we do in our lives and what works for us. This week we're going to shift it over to talk about sleep, right? We want to go over kind of different techniques that exist and or, like, trainings, what we did and what worked for us and then what didn't work for us. And then talk about kind of differences, but, like, different topics of maybe if, like, co-sleeping worked for you. Did you try sleep training, Braxton or Liv? And then how did it transition from what we did with newborn to now what do we do with a toddler? Chrissy, what kind of, like, techniques did you guys do? Newborn. Let's just start with newborn problem. Okay, okay. Did you guys use any, like, soothers or, like, anything weird with your lights or? Okay. Oh, my gosh. Right. Mm-hmm. Did you guys do, you did pacifiers or not at newborn? Okay. It ran with that. Oh, my God. Well, they sleep often. Right. Right. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Did you, I mean, at least he slept in it, you know? Yeah, like, we got so much sleep. Yeah. Right. Right. God, I hated those moments. Like, Matt and I would do this thing where, like, I would nurse, like, so we would alternate. He would still wake up like every other, and I would, on the times that weren't my, quote, unquote, turn, like, I would obviously get up to nurse. And then, but, like, changing the diaper and doing all of the extras, like, he took that. And so we just kind of alternated as much as possible. But, yeah, the early days are tough. Like, we, so we wanted to try, like, swaddling and everything and just to see how that worked. And Liv actually adapted, grew to love it, whatever, adapted to swaddling a lot. And so we ended up, we were wrapping the blankets, but we read that you can't, like, let loose blankets. So if they unswaddle, there's going to be loose blankets. So then we transitioned to the Velcro ones. And I didn't realize, like, how snug you're actually supposed to put your baby because, like, we didn't want to, like, leave lines in our skin or, you know, like, nothing too crazy. Right. Right. It's like an Ace Bandage run. But, like, but, yeah, like, so at first all the swaddles were, like, loose. So our arms were, like, going up like this. We'd see on the monitors, like this. Oh, my God, I'm going to regret doing that. We did, you know, so we had the bedside little bassinet. But she slept in there for eight weeks. So she stayed with us, yeah, only for eight weeks. And then is that right, eight weeks? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She has. And, like, I guess we go through moments where there's rough days or regressions or whatever it might be. But, like, no, we did get really lucky with a good sleeper. We moved her to her crib at eight weeks, and, like, we all got so much more sleep. Like, pacifiers we tried using, but then she kept, she always spit them out. And it was, like, and we just let her spit them out. And. All right. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. They are massive. I guess they don't want swallowing hazards, choking hazards. Snug. Oh, wow. Oh, man. Mummified. Oh, the arms flailing. Yeah. I really do think the swaddles saved us. But, like, then, you know, like, as they get a little older, I swear, no matter, or I guess no matter the age, there's always something that, like, you got to learn, right, throughout their entire childhood. But newborn to toddler, they change so much in such a small amount of time. One day swaddles worked, the next, she was like, F that, like, move me on to something else, you know. Yeah, it's exhausting. Yeah. It's absolutely insane. And I'll hear, like, some of the sentences that Liz sang and, like, the way she just, her mannerisms, I'm like, who are you? Mini me. Mm-hmm. Stop it. Stop it. He just soaked it in like a sponge and got it back. Yeah. Oh, man. Which is sad to say, because we're almost 40, but it's fine. Well. Oh, God. Oh. But, yeah, we have, okay, now, she's sassy. But, yeah, sleeping, there's rare moments that are bad. I do love her for that and many other things. But, anyway, so, shocking, we are very routine based in this house. And Liv, we've created a monster with routines, so she, we have a very specific nighttime routine. And if it's bath night, like, one parent cooks while the other parent bathes her because she already ate because she eats before us, and then we'll alternate. And then the routine goes, you know, bath or not, depending on the night, because we alternate. And then we do laps in the house to, like, burn energy real quick. And then we have to read a book before bed. And if us parents are like, no, it's just time to go to bed, she's like, book. She, like, pulls them off the shelves. They're falling on her toes. She's crying, whatever. And so it's read a book after that. It's, all right, you hug the parent that's not putting you down. And then that parent hands off to the other parent. Guys, I shit you not, this happens every single night. But it's just, it flows, okay? Sounds crazy, but it works. God, we sound psycho. So, yep, and then we pass them off to the other kid. And we do high fives, necks, and E.T., because that's what we've done since Liv was born. And she now does family hugs, or demands family hugs. Yep, and then the other parent sings a specific song, and she puts herself down. It's a lengthy routine. Brushing teeth is somewhere in there. I just don't want everyone to think we're gross. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. We always, like, give her, we're like, you can watch Mulan, you can watch a movie, and then we'll brush. Yeah. Mm. See? It's wonderful. It's wonderful. Mm-hmm. Okay, yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Aw. Yeah. Do you think it's, like, a safety thing, or, like, security thing? Or just comfort? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Just, like, contact, yeah. Yeah. Right. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Aw. Mm-hmm. Whatever you want. Okay. Mm. Okay. I would, yeah, so I was going to ask, like, how has it been since he transitioned? Oh, good. Mm-hmm. Oh, my God. Oh, he just stood there. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Panic. Panic. Mm-hmm. Oh, my God. Mom. No. Panic. Those are moments you're never going to want to forget, you know? Oh. I guess I can love you. Oh, God. I'm so, I'm nervous transitioning to the toddler bed, because as she just stares, this girl, well, actually, it might help that she's above us, because we're going to hear the footsteps, and I'm such a light sleeper, so I'll probably wake up to her pinky toe touching the ground. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Talking about, like, he, or you guys, you hear everything. Do you guys use, like, a sound machine in his room at all? Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Oh, nice. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. She's fine, Austin. Mm-hmm. Right. Yeah. I'm pretty sure that's why we still use a sound machine, is because Wrigley is a barker, and we'd wake her up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Aw. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. No, Liz is. Liz is, and hers, like, rotates. We try to turn off the rotate, but, yeah, it's a thing. Right. Mm-hmm. Has he, has he been scared of the dark? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Oh, Megan did. Mm-hmm. Mm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Oh. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Liz, like, actually voiced that she was scared of the dark, and, like, we were like, oh, we weren't ready for this, you know, and she used to do it at the old house, but here, too, so the upstairs, like, bonus room, it's just all in one, and then there's, like, the two-bedroom offshoot. So, like, the bonus room is deeper, and so, like, sometimes not all the lights are on, and her room's on the opposite side. So, it's light by her room, but dark over there, and she goes, no, I like the dark. You don't like it? No, no, no, I like the dark. So, yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Oh. Oh, yes. Yes. I am still that person at the end of a hallway, there is a demon, and they're coming to get me, or a zombie person. Yeah. Oh, it has to be covered. I don't care if it's 120 degrees. There will be a blanket over my feet. Like, I will never understand it, but, like, I have to have something over the feet. Yeah. Never get it, but. Touch my pinky toe and see what happens. Oh, my God. Yeah. No. So, the lit-up rooms and everything live as, like, her sound machine. We still use it full go. Like, it works, and when we can have a conversation with her on how, like, weird it will be if she continues this, like, then, like, maybe we'll be at that point. Anyway. Noise. Yeah. I used to. Yeah. I used to have, like, the TV on sleep or just something. I don't anymore. I actually prefer the pitch black and silence, which is weird, because I've never been like that. But, yeah. So, Liv has a sound machine. It does the static or the white noise, and it also has, like, a light, and you can pick what color you want. So, like, every so often she'll go through a different phase of what color she wants to sleep with, which is, I would prefer that. Like, you pick the color, you know, but then she'll pick a color that doesn't exist on the machine, and we're like, is it an option? Then she'll cry because she's frustrated that it's not an option, but she wants it, you know. So, yeah. No, sound machine and lights, absolutely a thing, and I'm actually terrified for when she isn't in the crib anymore and she has free reign of the house. Not because, like, something could be dangerous. Like, she'll be fine. I'm more terrified because I know she's going to do something that freaks me out in the middle of my sleep or in the middle of the night, and I'm nervous I will accidentally kick her because I'm terrified. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Up the eye, didn't he? Yeah. Not a threat. It's a warning. Yeah. Yeah. Right. She knows she's going to do something creepy and then she's going to do this evil laugh associated with it because she has a really good one. Oh, yeah, and I don't mess with that stuff. Oh, my God. Yeah. Boop. It's your ears. Mm-hmm. Boop. Boop. Oh, my God. Everything's okay. Oh, my God. Yeah, I told my mom the other day, or not the other day, the other week, whatever, a little bit ago, I was just like, now I understand why you were always sleeping on the couch like 6 p.m. until the rest of the night. I was like, I'm so tired, and, like, you just normalize to less sleep once you have a kid But, yeah, I was, like, apologizing to her a few weeks ago, and I was just like, I get it now. I'm sorry I made fun of you for sleeping early. Mm-hmm. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, really? Oh, my. Oh, mm-mm. Nope, nope. 8 p.m. Bedtime. Mm-hmm. Blew us away. We cannot believe how easy her sleep transition has been here. The one thing that, like, was stopping her from getting good sleep or that she would complain about is that we didn't have the blackout curtains yet, or we didn't have the rods up, and so we couldn't hang the curtains, and she always sleeps in a very dark room. It's probably going to bite us in the ass one day, but, like, right now, well, it did actually bite us in the ass in this new house. So she has three windows, and it's facing the side that the sun rises, and so – and – or the sun just stays out longer now, so, like, it's brighter for bedtime, too. Anyway, she says, like, make the sun go away, or – I know, like, sun, and – but, like, there were no curtains, and, unfortunately, she did her best sleeping through the night without the curtains, but, like, it was a thing, so, yeah. I don't know. Did you guys ever try, like, at any point any, like, sleep trainings on him, or, like, the cry it out method, or did you guys talk about doing any of those? Yeah. Right. Right. My ears are bleeding. Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So, we didn't want to do the cry it out method. We read about it, you know, and we considered it, but, like, we didn't want to at first, but then we realized, okay, like, no one's getting sleep, everyone's miserable, everyone's cranky, meaning, like, potentially lead to worse if we continue compressing our frustration, right? And so – and, oh, God, and Liv, she wasn't colicky, like, per se, but she – I mean, we had to give her a lot of gas drops, and – because she would, like, cry through the night from the discomfort, whatnot. But, yeah, so we finally hit a point where, like, okay, we want to try this cry it out method because if this can actually be done in three nights, like, let's do it. I don't know if it's actually that fast, but whatever. And so we did what's called the Ferber method, which is a cry it out method style, but it's a progressively increasing time away. And so, like, okay, on – I think it was, like, a two-week period. I don't know how long it was. On day one, it was, like, you cannot go into the crib or, like, the nursery for five minutes. So just let her cry for five minutes. And then as soon as you hit that five-minute mark, if they're still sleeping or crying, then you go in. But then there's rules on, like, what you can and cannot do depending on where you are and, like, the timeline of the training. And so say you're on, like, day three, right? Like, you can go in and comfort your baby, you know? But then it's, like, a five-minute rule, like, all night long. So it's every five minutes. And then you can go in and comfort. On, like, the third time comforting, you can't touch her. Or you can only put a hand on her, and that's it. But no picking up. And then it would progressively, like, be more – yeah, more restrictive on the parents. So, like, we can only intervene so much, right? And the time intervals got longer and longer. But it worked really well. And, like, it's just what we do now, too. Like, she doesn't really cry, and she puts herself to sleep now. And she sings Baby Shark and then passes out. But, like, if she is up to N1, I will make sure that it's easier now because they can talk and they can tell us what they need, right? Like, that has changed everything. But before, they could make full sentences, and you're still trying to figure out what they said. Like, we would still let her cry and talk to her through the monitor and just be like, you're okay, you know, whatever. But, yeah. So we did – yes, we did sleep training. It worked for us. I know it doesn't work for everyone. It's not everyone's cup of tea, which we're not here to judge. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-mm. No. No, like, I mean, nursing her, I mean, obviously you're somewhat co-sleeping, but we didn't do that for long. We put her back in the bassinet every chance that we could, which, like, looking back, I wish we, like, cuddled more, you know, as the baby stages, but I don't know. There's no right answer. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Right. Mm-hmm. Right. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Get your ass up. I don't want you to. And she's our favorite kid. Circling. Like, wait. Like, zero coffee. No espresso, lattes. Oh, you're saving so much money. Oh. You're breaking my heart. We have such a bad coffee addiction. It's insane. It's borderline unhealthy. Like, we drink more than a pot a morning, and then, and this is between two people, everyone. It's a full 12-cup pot. And then, in the afternoon, it's like, we have dinner, and then we make coffee, because we are holding on by threads. I know it's shocking, because we sleep well here, but we are exhausted. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh, my God. Right, and you have to talk it up. Mm-hmm. At least charge him rent. Oh. Oh, he fully expects you to say, yes, you can sleep in here. He is ready to go with a pillow and a blanket over his shoulder. What does he think he is? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Well, good luck trying to convince him that it's not. I mean, back to back. I know some parents I've read do, like, the green and light, or green and red light sleep style, like, where once a kid is in a toddler bed, the kid, if the light is red, they need to stay in their room. So, like, no, it's not time to play. Like, once it turns green, that means you can, it's time to play, it's time to wake up, basically, to try to help normalize, like, what is, what are the normal hours of operation, right? Yeah. I've never done it before. Yeah, never done it before, but, yeah. Are they saying he is? Oh. He's a liar. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Hmm. Right. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Was it the time change? Yeah, but also just being exhausted. Oh, his little body was exhausted. Oh, bless his heart. Oh, my God, they're so freaking cute. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Oh. Yeah. But you can't. Right. Oh, my God, they're adults. That is adorable. You've got to lock that memory in. I'm going to say, when they're evil, don't forget about us. Yeah, that's really cute, and mine's not that cute, and it's quite awful. I think I'm going to call this a toddler fail instead of a mom fail, but, like, some people might call it a mom fail. So Liv has a bunch of the black elastic, like, little hair ties, you know, the little rubber bands, and this is awful, but whatever, they work, and it comes in, like, a pack of, like, 300, and it's in, like, this tiny little plastic bag that's not sealed because it was stapled shut that you open, but we had that upstairs, and Liv's playroom is also upstairs, and it's not in a zip-lock bag or anything, and so there's 300 rubber bands that are unsecured that Liv is now digging her hands into. Mind you, I stepped downstairs for a minute, so, like, I was not physically able to see her, right, but all of a sudden she goes, Mom, come here. Oh, God, you know, we have stairs, and Mom, look at this, and I come around the bend, and I'm looking up at her, and she's standing at the top of the stairs holding all 300 black hair ties in her hands that she dug out of the bag, and you see them kind of, like, looped over, and she goes, Mom, catch, and I was like, no, no, no, no. I was like, wait, and I knew, like, there was no waiting. And I am trying to sprint up these stairs so fast, thinking that I'm going to be the fastest runner out there, which I was not because I only got two steps. She just goes like this, and you just see black little rubber bands just scatter in the air, and, like, we're on the stairs, and now there's rubber bands all over the stairs, and I am now like, okay, do I even bother asking her to help pick them up, or do I just say, please leave, go watch a movie or something, and let me just, like, wallow over here because there's one rubber band at a time. Oh, my God, oh, my God, it was never ending. And then I went to go find the empty clear bag that was holding all 300 of these, and I find it on her desk, and she only had about 200 in her hands on top of the stairs. Like, there was another hundred in the corner of the playroom that then we had to pick up, and, like, of course, Wrigley hair was now getting caught in, like, her rubber bands picking everything up, and I'm, like, trying to drop the hair. It was a mess, and I took a picture of it because it was so bad, so we will post it on the Instagram. I was waiting to tell you the story. I was, like, got to take a photo. Don't pick up anything. Everywhere, everywhere. I think I found a bobby pin from 2009 the other day. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, who taught you that? Yeah. No, they're a little crazy ones, but we love them, right? Kind of. I think that's about all for this week, you think? All right. Well, thank you, guys, for joining us on today's episode. Please reach out and share your stories or let us know what you want us to talk about. Yes, yes, and thank you, guys, all again, and we will see you next week. Bye.