Svakīya & Parakīya Bhava - Two Aspects of a Loving Relationship - Rasikananda Maharaja

The speaker discusses the importance of having a guru in one's spiritual life and compares the guru-disciple relationship to that of a family. They explain that while some may fear commitment or being controlled by a guru, the sweetness and love that comes from a genuine relationship with a caring guru is worth it. The speaker also talks about the different types of relationships, formal and informal, and emphasizes the importance of sincerity, prayer, and discrimination in choosing a guru. They conclude by discussing the significance of community and family in spiritual life and the need for a connection and love in any relationship. So tonight we're going to talk about different stories of ashram life, continuing the topic of Sri Guru, the importance of Guru since we just had our Guru Purnima festival. Yesterday we spoke about Sri Ved Vyas and his son Sri Sukadeva Goswami and some moods and ideas around the line of Sri Krishna and the Diksha line and the line of Sri Radha and the Siksha line, the Parakya line which means the indirect, the line of spontaneous love and the line of some Diksha which means some structure. But I want to talk a little bit about family life in terms of the Guru because they say Guru is like spiritual family, right? Yesterday we were talking about how sometimes there's in that structured system there's some limitation. Why? Like you have marriage and there's some commitment and so there's some limitation, there's some bondage. I'm bound, I cannot escape, I have no freedom. So we're afraid, I don't want commitment. But what is our title here? Our mission is bondage. Bandhav. Bandhav means the bond but actually it means friendship. That friendship is its own kind of bond. Like marriage, marriage you have a ring. What does this represent? A circle binding us together. So really it's a question of the quality of the relationship, not whether relationship is good or bad. So this is sometimes there. What's the biggest problem in adult life? Trauma from childhood. Difficult. Why? Oh, so I have problems with father, I have problems with mother, I have problems with the idea, all these things. And so in the same way people have fear around the issue of Guru. People have fear of commitment or fear of being in control by someone. But the other side of that is that we should meditate on how sweet it is to have relationship with someone who truly loves and cares about us. So you may have a bogus guru who's not perfect, like your mother or father may not be perfect, but how great it is to have a mother who loves you or father who loves you. And there's a verse, there's a Bengali poet who says, you can't understand the pain of someone who doesn't have something unless you don't have it. Chirasuki jan brahmikiko kaun vyatite vedhan bhujate pare. In Bengali, which means, you may say, oh, a snake bite is very painful, a venomous snake bite. It's very painful. You may say that, but you cannot understand it unless you've been bit by a snake and you've almost died. So the point is, to be an orphan is very painful. To have family, the value of that, we cannot understand. We think, oh, spiritual life, I don't need family. I will go into the woods and meditate and be alone, separate from everything. I don't know anyone, I don't know anything, just me. Guru is in my heart and God is in my heart and all together it's in my mind. Guru is in my mind, God is in my mind, Guru is in my heart, kingdom of God is in my heart, everything is inside. Yes, orphan can say like that. An orphan can say, father is in my heart, mother is in my heart, everything is in my heart. Yes? But the sweetness of relationships, unless you have it, you can understand. And the pain of not having it, you can't understand unless you never had it. And so really, relationship with Guru, with pure Guru, pure Guru means someone who is, Gurudev would say like for Bhakti. Bhakti is naturally pure. So Guru is naturally pure. If they are real Guru, they are pure Guru. Any contamination, that's something else. But the point is that it's naturally very sweet. Why? Because they are that person who truly cares for you, truly loves you, truly wants your success. And so while I was talking about Swadhyaya, Parakhyaya, there's two topics. One is Parakhyaya. Parakhyaya means no commitment. You like me, you listen to me. What does it have to do with me? Like the gopis with Krsna. Hey, Krsna, we have no relationship with You. Get out. Parakhyaya rasa. But Swadhyaya rasa is sometimes more sweet. Why? Someone is taking responsibility. You are mine. So real Parakhyaya rasa includes Swadhyaya rasa. It's just that it's natural with no artificial force. Bandhav, that bondage which has no rope, that is what we worship. Our Bhakti-bandhav mission means that bond of friendship that has no chain. So who do we worship in Kartika? Radha, Damodara. Parakhyaya means their relationship is not based on marriage. It's beyond marriage. It's natural love. But it's a bond. And so in the same way, with Guru, even if it's Parakhyaya, real Guru means there's that bond, that thing that ties your souls together. That you can be anywhere in the world, but you think of them, they think of you, then you're bound together. Like Radha-Krsna. That's why we worship Radha-Krsna. There's two conceptions with Radha-Krsna. One, they are married. This is true, eternally true, in one of their dimensions, one of their realities. Eternally, how can they be separated? But more sweet is where they're not married. Why? Because that bond has no bondage, has no rope. Radha-Damodara. Madhya-Asura bound Krsna to the grinding mortar. Krsna thought, now I'm bound in this relationship. I cannot get out. You're binding me to this stone, with this cold, hard thing. Romeo-Juliet had marriage, but were they not bound together? What is the evidence? They could not live without each other. So this is Parakhyaya-rasa or Swakhyaya-rasa. Swakhyaya, it's two Sanskrit terms. Swakhyaya refers to marriage. And Parakhyaya refers to unmarried love. This is Sanskrit term and it's used sometimes for guru, which means sometimes you take a guru who isn't formally your guru. It's formal and informal. So formal love, informal love. So we're talking about the benefits of formal love and informal love. So I'm arguing both sides. Formal love is very sweet. Why? Because someone is saying, I take responsibility for you, you are mine and I am yours. Yes? So would that be kind of like Diksha, almost kind of like Swakhyaya? Yes. So Diksha means, you are my disciple. I am your guru. And in the West we have this fear around that. Oh, I will be disciple. Oh, I'll have guru. But in the West, it's you're growing up and you're thinking, oh, one day I'll have a relationship. Someone who will share my life with me, who will share my joy and sorrow with me, who will share my pain and loss and happiness with me. You want that or you don't want that? No, no, no, no, no. I will be alone. I need no one. God is my heart. Guru is in my heart. Everything is in my heart and I am altogether one. I am Alpha and Omega. But where is the sweetness in that? So much more sweetness in having relationship. So whether it's Parakhya, informal, or Swakhya, formal, the principle is the same. The principle is love and affection. That's the point. And so if it's formal but without love and affection, then this becomes static, static, not ecstatic. It becomes dead, not spiritual. Spiritual means alive or active and static means dead. No relationship, no life, prana. Like we say, prana acyajat, where there is life. Where is there life? Where there is love, there is life. So whether your relationship is formal or informal, the principle is where is there life, where is there sweetness, where there is there love. But Swakhya has its own beauty. Swakhya will be within Parakhya. That's the secret. Swakhya means if you are truly, what does it mean to be like a matrimony, to truly be a union, means, like that's why we say, okay, in English terms we think Romeo Juliet. Why? Because he could not live without her, she could not live without him. So better to give up my life than to be separated. But there's no marriage. There's Parakhya rasa. So in this world, we also glorify that. Even though it's not pure, we glorify that. So in guru relationship, it may be like that also. Sukadeva Gosvami may not accept anyone as disciple. Rupa Gosvami may not accept anyone as disciple. But if Rupa Gosvami sends away, then I will cry and weep and say, Harupa, Harupa, Harupa. And so much so that when Sanatana Gosvami found Jiva, he brought him back to Rupa and they were weeping and weeping, oh, where is my Jiva? Oh, where is my Rupa? So this is Parakhya or Swakhya. Ultimately, both is there. In real Parakhya rasa, Swakhya will still be there. The point is that this kind of neutral, non-attached, I'll take from here, I'll take from there, I am my own sovereign. That means, like we say, no man is an island. You want to be an island to yourself in spiritual life? Where is the sweetness? So this is very fashionable nowadays. I am an island to myself. No father, no mother, no sister, no brother, no family, no tradition. I am non-sectarian. Non-sectarian. Yes, non-sectarian in spirit, but family first in practice. What does it mean family first? That means I have some relationship, some sambanda. So in spiritual life, the first principle is sambanda, relationship. Whether it's formal, informal, without relationship, what is the spiritual life? This is very important. Like here we have an ashram. This ashram isn't one person alone sitting around saying, I am doing spiritual life. It's a community. In a community, there's life, there's sweetness, there's beauty, there's joy, there's danger. You're all in a cult. Wearing weird clothes, putting on strange markings, acting like each other, blowing this conch shell, playing this instrument, you've joined a cult. Run away! Quick! Who knows, you may wake up and you may have a chain on your wrist to the wall. Bondage, bondage. Why? Bhakta bandhav means bondage, bandhav. Bandhav means bondage. This is a term. Sanskrit bandhav means you are bound. So run away. You try to run away and this is more dangerous bond. Why? Because there's no rope. It's a magical rope. You try to leave and you get pulled back. What are you going to do? Why? Because the rope of love is invisible. That's why when we chant Kamgaitri, what do we chant? We meditate on what is ananga, which means has no form. What has no form? Love. So it's the most dangerous weapon. It's the most dangerous bondage. You cannot escape. Krishna cannot escape Vrndavana. Why? All the gopis are tantrics. Prematantra, the magical potency of the mystical spell of love. Krishna is captured in that spell. Krishna can leave. He's trying. He's trying to run away, trying to go, but he cannot go. Why? That bondage of love has already captured his heart. He is Rathadamadar. Krishna tries to go here and there. There's a story Paramgurudev describes. Gurudev describes in Paramgurudev's book. Krishna tried to go and meet. Oh, he is very soft-hearted. Chandravali called him. Her associates called, Oh, come to my place, my grove. Meet with me. Krishna is very gentle-hearted. He went there, but he had an appointment he missed with Srimati Radhika. So her associates came and said, they made some excuse and brought him to Radharani. Radharani was very upset. He was late. So Krishna had to sign a pledge. I am the servant of Srimati Radhika. I will always be faithful. A few days later again, he broke his promise. So then they made a court case against Krishna. Court case against Krishna, you can imagine. And Krishna thought, court case against me, I will not show up to court. Like Vrndavana Sanjaya. Police, what? You're not wearing a seat belt? Show up. I'm not going to show up in your stupid court. Where is your evidence? So Krishna thought like that. What's your evidence? Do you have any evidence? Only hearsay. It's only hearsay. Do you have any proof? They would say, Krishna, proof is that you have some marks. We have some proof and we have some eyewitness. Eyewitness, proof, but where is your camera? Eyewitness, Radharani's group paid this manjari to say this. What is the proof? What is the proof? No proof. So Krishna said, I won't go to court. And there they tried the case and Krishna was found guilty. Krishna was found guilty. And he had to sign a pledge. I am the servant and follower of Srimati Radhika. So the point is that this is parikya rasa, but it is still prema-bandhan. Like we say prema-bandhan. Bandhan, bandha, same root. Sanskrit, same datu, same verbal root, bandhan. To bind something. So what is binding us? This is another point. What is the binding principle in prema? Love? That is called rasa. Rasa. Like you take cement. There's some binding agent and you need to some water and then it binds. Cement is so powerful. You take some powder and what is the power in cement? Dust. Potential power. But without rasa, ingredients are there, everything is there, but without rasa it cannot bind. So the point with guru is that depending on the quality, the level, sweetness is there. But for us, our Gurudev, so much sweetness. People are so afraid of this idea. But if you were to say, oh Malini, better not to have guru. Imagine how sad it would be. Many people say like that now. Oh, I didn't meet Gurudev. I was afraid. I was afraid of guru. Oh, what will happen? What if they tell me to do something? Oh, no. I am American. Independence Day, that is my freedom. I celebrate Independence Day. No, we celebrate Interdependence Day. We celebrate together Community Day, Guru Day. While Independence Day is going on, we're celebrating Guru Purnima. Right? Independence Day and we're celebrating Guru Purnima, the day where we give up our independence. The days are like the same, right? When it's Guru Purnima. Which day was it? The day before. Yes, to show. We surrender today. We celebrate our surrender. Victory to the other person. Jaya, jaya, Sri Guru. Victory to you. What? Prema kalpataru, to the tree of divine love. Victory to that. The point is, like children. Children want to be independent. Yes, I will be an adult. I will be an adult. I will be an adult. I will be an adult. I will be an adult. Like children. Children want to be independent. Yes, I will be an adult. And then I will move out. I will have my own car and my own house. But you don't think, oh, and my own bills. Oh, bill? No, I only want bill of rights. No bill of rent. Only bill of rights. Not bill of responsibilities. But the point is that, relationship is sweet. In life, we want relationship. In spiritual life, we should also want relationship. But this is dangerous. Who is good? Who is bad? Who is right? Who is wrong? Therefore, the Vedas, the Upanishads say, have some compassion. Have some compassion. Have some compassion. Don't wait. Don't be so impatient. First, understand what you want. Find guru in the similar mood, who can actually help you, who is not like insane, would be helpful. But understand that it is not just one right way. Different moods, different approaches, different people, different families, different groups. We believe in diversity. We are not saying only we are right, everyone else is wrong. That is not spiritual culture. That is not Vedic, Vaishnava, Sanatana Dharma culture. Neighbor is right and I am right. Truth is mysterious. Who knows the truth? They say there are many truths. And then they say there is one truth. There is one absolute truth, like the Vedas say. God is one, but He may appear in a million forms. Why? Because this person sees Him that way and that is according to their nature. This person sees Him that way according to their nature. How are you going to put it in a box and define it? This nature is maya. You want to measure and find everything. We worship ten avatars, all Krishna. Sringideva is Krishna, Vamana is Krishna, Varaha is Krishna, Vedya is the incarnation of Krishna, Narmuni incarnation. The point is that just because the danger is okay, we are afraid of accepting someone who is not properly able to help us or who is going to cheat us. But if sincerity, like we say, first Guru is in the heart. Yes. So what does that mean? Sincerity. Let sincerity of purpose and honesty, prayer, let that be our guide. Let sincerity be our guide. Let prayer be our guide. And then use discrimination. Use discrimination. And then when you feel, oh this is good, this is right, same mood, same desire, I like this, I want this, this person is good, then accept. Then you say, oh, it's better to have than to not have. Or they say, it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Those who are orphans know the pain of being an orphan. Those who have family, they know the value of having family. So with spiritual life, we also need family and community. So that's why I'm telling parakhya, svakhya. Whether it's formal or informal, the formality is that once love is established in the heart, it's very difficult to break. So that love is the substance of svakhya or parakhya. Right? The substance of the svakhya relationship or the parakhya relationship is the connection. So focus on the connection, not the form or the informal. Where's the connection? Where's the life? And serve that. Develop that. And then, now we'll come to the next part of the topic. How to advance, how to practice. Okay, now I found guru. I'm happy. I have guru. Now I have to find out what to do. So if you read Ramayana, Lord Ram takes guru. If you read Bhagavatam, Krsna takes guru. Read Mahabharata, Pandavas have guru. King Janaka has guru. This is ancient tradition. In the West, we have teachers, but this is different. We may have a mentor. It's a little bit more personal. Western system, teacher, yes, I have thousands of students and it's not so sweet, not so intimate. But there are different examples of ashram stories. I want to tell a few ashram stories. There's a few stories from the Mahabharata, in the very beginning. And it's very interesting because it's not described why they told these stories. It's just a guru-disciple ashram story, right in the beginning of the Mahabharata. Why? This is Vedic culture. One famous, later on, many of the Upanisads have stories of this person. Name is Aruni and Upamanyu. Two different stories. Aruni was from Panchala. He became a great sage, Udalaka Aruni. And there's one Upamanyu. Upamanyu is the one who became blind and then got his sight back. First, Aruni. Very interesting story. There are many students in the ashram. See, what we're modeling here is, we're modeling this ashram more after an Upanishadic model than a modern model. Modern means, there's some world-traveling guru with many tens of thousands, twenty of thousands, that is very powerful and very helpful. Jagadgurus. But also simple, sweet, small, intimate. This is also very good. Vedic model. Upanishad model. So one guru is there with some different students. One student was named Aruni. Very intelligent students were there. Get first class everything. And so we think, we join an ashram to learn. This is what most people think. I join an ashram to learn. I join an ashram to study. I join an ashram to become wise. But where that comes from, how are you going to develop that? It's not so straight, linear thing. We were talking about this yesterday. Does it come from mercy? Does it come from work? Does it come from faith? Your faith and mercy is different. Faith is almost like a prerequisite. There's a story of the boy. This is a great short story. There was a drought and everyone went to pray for rain. And everyone's praying for rain, praying for rain. And one boy brought an umbrella. And everyone said, foolish boy, it hasn't rained for months. Why are you bringing an umbrella? It's a drought. Years, no rain. We're praying for rain. Why did you bring an umbrella? He said, why are you praying for rain? If you don't have faith, it will come. So what's the point of prayer without faith? This becomes religion without spirituality. Becomes dogma without life. Structure without substance. Form without substance. So the rain came. So faith is important. But what's more important? The rain. The rain is the mercy. So you can have faith, but mercy is its own subject. Mercy comes, mercy doesn't come. It wouldn't be called mercy if you could buy it. Right? If you go to the store and buy mercy, it's not mercy. It's a payment. It's an exchange. Mercy means it's on its own schedule. It could also not rain. There's the story of Job in the Old Testament. Right? The devil asked the gods, your devotees worship you because you give them what they ask from you. Give them a test and that you don't help them and see if their faith wavers. And so everything was taken from Job. His family died, his livestock, his farm, his own health. And he was on the last limit, the last straw of his life. And he didn't forsake God. And he said, see? So your faith, is your faith weak or is your faith strong? The first moment, oh, mercy didn't come for me. Now, fire on you. Screw you. You didn't help me. I prayed to you. I had faith in you. I prayed, I prayed, I prayed. We say this in India. You offer God a little, they call it chirwa batasa. You give a little piece of sugar and maybe like a slice of banana. You save a banana in your fridge. So this one banana will last for seven days of offerings. Every day I'll cut off one inch of banana and put it on the altar and offer it to the flies. And I'll put it with one batasa, which means like a sugar candy. And you'll see after a few hours it's still sitting there. And you're praying to God, God give me a million dollar house. I'm offering you one seventh of a banana. And in return, give me a million dollar house. And when it doesn't happen in seven days, we say you are not God. I used up my whole banana. My whole banana is finished and still I don't have a seven story house. Seven story house, one slice of each banana. They go to Govardhan and they build a palace with bricks. Govardhan, give me a palace with bricks. And after a few years they don't get it. So faith means, bati means unconditional love. You are God. I love you. Whatever is meant to come, comes. But nothing will break my love for you. Nothing will break my faith in you. Then this is faith. Then this is love. So in this ashram, the point is that the student doesn't come to the master to become master. But they will become master. The student, like you don't, you don't get a father to become your father. But you will become a father. Guru will make disciple guru. But you don't become your guru's guru. And so you're always disciple. So there's a story about this. Upamanyu has a story like this. But first Aruni. Aruni was studying very good. But one day there was a flood in the ashram. Like the Catskills. Big flood. And all their farm, like you imagine Vrindavan's garden. And everything is being flooded. And there's, everything is flooding. He would be like Aruni. So what did Aruni do? The guru said, oh please, try to stop the flood. It's going to destroy the vegetable garden. It will be destroyed. He didn't tell him specifically what to do. He said, please, please, try to help. So in ashram, there's always studies. There's always some practice, whether it's meditation or knowledge or japa or mantra, whatever it may be. There's always some practice. But just learning the practice and doing the practice doesn't get you the substance that you're seeking. The substance that you're seeking, that relationship, whether it's in terms of, because it may be many kinds of relationship. Guru may be like father, may be like mother, may be like friend. It changes over time. For example, a Chanakya Pandita says, father should be like father for first 16 years. Afterwards, they're just like friend. So sometimes guru is like father, sometimes guru becomes just like friend. And in the spiritual world, they're not father, they're just friend. But sometimes you need father, so they become father. Sometimes you need mother, so they become mother. But the relationship, the relationship can develop. But the relationship is important. So Aruni went and he was trying to fix the flood. I'll fix it like this, I'll fix it like this, I'll get this. It was like the canal, there was a canal and it was overflowing and it was all flowing in this direction. He was trying to stop it. He couldn't find anything to divert it. And it was dark, night, and he thought, what to do? So he just laid down. And with his body sideways, he diverted the flow of water. And all night passed and the guru was restless, back and forth rolling. Why? Heart to heart connection. But he also knows God's desire. God's desire is that, like parents, parents are always worried for their children. They will succeed or not. But if you put them in a, like a bubble wrap, they'll never succeed. Imagine a ten foot wide bubble wrap ball and you push them down the hill and go for it. Right? So if you over protect, they also won't succeed. You have to give, let them be challenged. So this story in the beginning of Mahabharata is teaching us that tests will come and you have to have faith in that test that they can pass. And if they don't, God will still protect them. They'll get another chance. Soul is eternal. So he stayed all night and guru was restless. Morning came, he thought, where's Aruni? He had sent him late at night and he'd take rest, but he didn't hear anything back. Mangalati, 4.30 in the morning, 5.30. He thought, he's still not home. He immediately woke up. Sometimes guru will do like this. I've seen. If they're worried about you, that means there's some problem. And they'll come and they'll look and they'll be restless. You may not think they're thinking of you, but they're thinking. I know this. You think, oh, I'm just doing whatever I'm doing. No. Guru is always concerned. Why? Swakya. Mother is always concerned about child. Father is always concerned. Father maybe less. Mother is always concerned. My son. My daughter. They're concerned. So he was thinking, where are they? Where are they? He asked everyone. Oh, I didn't come back. He said, you have no love. You're staying in the dorm altogether. You're not looking for him. You're snoring. Where is he? This is ashram life means your brother's pain is your pain. Your sister's pain is your pain. Sister has a problem, that's your problem. Brother has a problem, that's your problem. Otherwise you're impersonalist. You're bogus. No heart. Complete nonsense. Thorn in their foot is double thorn in your foot. Then you're in an ashram. Thorn in your foot, no problem, I'll tolerate. Thorn in your brother's foot, that is two thorns in your foot. Otherwise you're impersonalist. Selfish, independent, bogey. Bogey-ogey. He said, what are you doing? You're staying here, snoring? Where is Aruni? Nonsense. Everybody go. So everyone went, Aruni, Aruni, Aruni. It was dark winter. It was cold and shivering. Half freezing. And the water was still hitting him. But going away from the garden, he said, Oh, Gurudev. Very soft. Oh, Gurudev. And he came, brought him up. He'd become like Krishna, blue. Oh, and he gave nice chatter, nice. He said, why did you do this? Silly boy. I told you to try to stop it. I didn't tell you to throw yourself away. I didn't tell you to do that. I told you to try to stop the flood. Oh, Gurudev, what could I do? I was trying and trying and trying one hour, hour and a half. I couldn't do it. So I thought, what is the use of this body if I cannot satisfy my Guru? So I'll put my body there. All night. And Guru was weeping. Oh, and he said, Oh, my Aruni. He said, whatever I have is yours. Whatever is my property is your property. What is Guru's property? Depends on the Guru. Maybe all his knowledge. Maybe all his love. His relationship with God. He may at once say, Oh, let it be. Satastu means kripasiddhi, mercy, perfection. That which you cannot achieve in a million lifetimes, you get at a moment. You're going to study like a worm, like a bookworm. You're going to read every single book in the library of knowledge, the books in the library of knowledge, the whole universe. You can study from a tree for a lifetime. You can study from grass. You can study from animals. Everything is a book of knowledge. What's that going to give you? When those who are realized, their heart melts in affection and that flood of mercy comes in your life, then what comes? Everything comes. I know from our Vaishnav, we heard stories. Gurudev is so merciful, so affectionate. Whatever is mine is yours. My heart is yours. Whatever is in my heart is yours. Then what is the Like in marriage. In marriage, you share everything. This is real marriage. Real bond, real bhanda means bondage, union. What is mine is yours. What is yours is mine. You worship Krishna. You want a seven-story house. You worship Krishna. You get whatever you want. Whatever you want is yours. This brings us to our next story. Aruni became a very famous sage. Very famous. He's in many Upanishads. This Aruni boy, he wasn't the most talented, wasn't the most intelligent. He was the sincerest, simplest hearted little blue boy. He stopped the flood. Then Bhakti came. Then Krishna, there's a story of Krishna. Krishna himself took up this gurukul life. The reason I'm going to say this story is because remember Sudama. And it's connected to this story. Sudama, what did he get? For simply going to see Krishna, his wife desired some opulence, and he wanted to see his beloved Krishna. And he took a few grains of chip rice and he put it in his pocket. He was so skinny. There's a beautiful story. He's a Brahmin boy, but when he was an elder man, he lived with his wife and they were very poor. No money, nothing. And Krishna was very rich. He said, go see your friend Krishna. He's your childhood friend. Go see your friend Krishna, your childhood friend. He was thinking, Oh, he remembers me. I'm just a poor beggar boy. I'm a poor Brahmin. He is a great king full of so much opulence. He said, go see him. So they begged some flat rice. And Gurudev would say he put it in his pocket. He had no pocket, barely any clothes. So what was his pocket? Gurudev would say his armpit. He was so skinny that his armpit was like a pocket inside. And so he took a little packet of chipped rice, folded it in some cloth and put it in his pocket and walked all the way to Dwarka. And as he was coming, even from miles away, Krishna was getting excited. My friend is coming. My friend is coming. My friend is coming. Rukmini, my wife, get ready. Satyavama, get ready. Everyone go and greet him. And everyone was thinking he's going to be some amazing personality coming. Krishna is saying, my dear friend is coming. My dear friend is coming. My dear friend. And this skinny, like scared Brahmin was coming. Why was he scared? Because he's coming, you know, you're going into Manhattan, Times Square. And you're dressed as a beggar. And you're skinny, malnourished. And you're carrying this little bit of rice in your pocket. And you're thinking, I'm coming here to the king of the world to present from my armpit a few grains of rice. Here you go. Krishna's one jewel is worth the whole world. And I'm going to give him a few chipped grains of rice. So he came and they welcomed him. And Krishna had Rukmini fan him with a camara. She began to fan him. And Krishna brought water and bathed his feet. We say, oh, bathing feet. Who wants to bathe someone's feet? Krishna wants to bathe the feet of the devotees. In Kurukshetra, the time of the Mahabharata, Rajasuya Yajna, Krishna said, I ask one boon. Everyone gets some seva. Everyone gets some position. My seva, my position is that I get to wash everyone's feet. All. Lowest to highest. Demon to demigod. So I want to wash all the demon's feet also. Because then I'll get all their mercy. So Sudama, such a great devotee, with great love and affection, Krishna washed his feet. And Sudama was thinking, he remembers me? Or he's just being respectful to a brahman? Krishna's ksatriya, vaisya, ksatriya, who knows Krishna's caste? Everyone's arguing it to this day. People say two different Krishnas. Ksatriya Krishna, vaisya Krishna. Vrndavana Krishna, Dvaraka Krishna. Both are different. Naughty boy Krishna and proper man Krishna. Both is Krishna. So Sudama thought, he remembers me? So then Krishna said, Oh my dear friend, you remember? Do you remember when we were boys in the ashram together? Do you remember? Do you remember? Remember that time? And Krishna started telling stories and Sudama began to weep. Krishna said, Do you remember that time? Oh, Sandipani Muni, our Gurudev, said, Oh please go and collect firewood. Mataji, his wife, she needs to cook. So you have to go and collect firewood for her to cook. So Sudama and Krishna went out. Imagine, very beautiful Krishna. That time he shaved his head. We generally don't see Krishna with shaved head but you imagine shaved head Krishna more beautiful. Like our Takaji, remember? When we bathe Takaji, no clothes, no hair, no makeup, most beautiful. Shining in the golden rays of the sun. And then clothes, hair, ornaments. Mother Yasoda wants to see naked Krishna. Why? Two year old body boy with a little belt, waist belt. And this Krishna is most beautiful. Gopis want to see Krishna covered in the dust from the feet of the cows. More beautiful, like musk powder. This is Krishna's makeup. Every day Krishna puts on makeup. What is that? From all the hooves of all the cows, making a cloud of dust. Like a lady sometime will have powder cloud. So Krishna does like this. He walks through the cloud of dust. And all the Gopis think, how beautiful, how beautiful. So then Krishna is reminding him, you remember? When we were brahmacharis, Krishna said, you remember we were brahmacharis? And we went out that night and we collected a few bundles of wood. And then it began to rain and storm. And we could not see. We had gone deep into the forest and we could not find our way out. But we could not let the wood get wet. So we held it on our head all night long. They were holding the wood on their head, standing under a tree. Imagine Krishna and Sudama. And Sudama is thinking, I'm hungry. When are we going to get home? What did Mataji cook for dinner? And Krishna is ātma-rāma-apti-kāma. Krishna is happy. Why is Krishna happy? Because Krishna is getting a chance to serve Guru. Krishna is serving Guru. Krishna is thinking, I am God. Everyone worships me. No one gives me a chance to worship them. That's why Krishna, God, becomes like human. Krishna takes on human-like pastimes. Why? So He gets to worship His devotees, like Mahāprabhu. He gets to worship Rādhārāṇī. Krishna will never accept His worship directly. Sometimes. There's another story. This is because of parīkṣit-rasa. Parīkṣit-rasa, Rādhārāṇī gets a thorn in her foot. Immediately, Krishna sits down and starts to take it out. And she'll let Him take her foot in her lap. But Sītadevi gets a thorn in her foot. And Rāma goes to touch her foot. She pulls back. Not possible. So parīkṣit-rasa is more sweet. So Kṛṣṇa told Sudāmā, you remember that night? We stayed up all night and we brought it back. And Guru Mahārāja is saying, O Kṛṣṇa, O Sudāmā. You remember how sweet that time was? So the benefit of the āśrama life is not just the things you learn. It's the relationship. It's the sweetness. It's the love. It's the affection. It's the mercy. How do you attract that flood of mercy? By your sincerity. Therefore, śāstra says very clearly, Kṛṣṇa then quoted this verse. This is 10.80.34. Remember? nāha-mijjāḥ prajātī-bhyam tapasopāsa-mena vā tuṣhe yam sarva-bhūtātmā guru-śūṣru-śayā yatah That affection you receive when you serve in this way, above and beyond, right? And Guru sees, Oh, you are doing this for me? Because Guru is naturally very humble also. You are doing this for me? And then Guru's mercy means whose mercy? yasyā-prasādhād bhagavat-prasādho yasyā-prasādhād nagati-kutopi dhāyāṁ sthuvam sthasyāya sastri-sandhyam vande guru śrī-caranāravindham Guru's mercy means God's mercy. Guru is connecting you to God. We worship God. We don't worship Guru. But God says worship Guru. Why Kṛṣṇa says worship Rādhārāṇī? Rādhārāṇī says worship Kṛṣṇa. And everyone's fighting who to worship. So we say, OK, I can't deal with this anymore. I'm just going to worship you both. Jaya jaya Rādhā-Kṛṣṇa-jīgala-mīlān. Hare Kṛṣṇa. Both. So Kṛṣṇa in Sudāmā, Kṛṣṇa told this story. He said, nāhaṁ ijya-prajātī-bhyam tapasopāsa-mena vā tuṣhe yam sarva-bhūtātmā guru-śuśrū-śayā-yataḥ It said that God, Kṛṣṇa is saying God is not so pleased by you doing all these different duties. I am following perfect celibacy. I'm a monk. That is my identity. I'm a monk. And I'm going to do all the worship and puja of a monk. I am a householder. And I'm going to follow that very nicely. I am renounced. I am retired. I am sannyāsī. All these things. Kṛṣṇa said, without love and relationship, what is this? Only structure, only form, no substance. No rasa. Only rope, but no bond of love. Only rope, but no real bond. So therefore, Kṛṣṇa says, sarva-bhūtātmā, which means God, who is the soul of all beings, the soul of the soul, sarva-bhūtātmā, the real soul of all existence, is most pleased by those who serve sincerely with the mood of surrender to guru. guru-śuśrū-śayāyata Why? Because this is opening the channel of love from that supreme source. Then, yasyā-praśādad bhagavat-praśādo. Guru's heart melts means Kṛṣṇa's heart melts. And everything is given. So Sudāmā came for this. And what happened? There are many other stories of Sudāmā. But the point is that Kṛṣṇa said, you didn't bring me anything? He was very shy. You didn't bring me anything? I know you must have brought me something. So then he opened his pocket. And he gave him this packet. And Kṛṣṇa is very excited. And he opened it up. And he began to eat. One mouthful. And then he went for the second mouthful. And Rukmini stopped his hand. No. Stop. Why? Kṛṣṇa said. O Kṛṣṇa, you've already given away everything. If you take a second one, you'll give away us also. So the story goes that after Sudāmā rested that night, next day he went home. And what was his palace? It's said that before he had a little hut with roof falling in and walls caving in. But now he came back to his home and it was palaces of gold, diamond, jewels, everything. He could not even recognize his wife. She was like a beautiful goddess. He thought she... The story goes that she came to give him a garland. He thought, Why are you coming to me? I'm like a sick old Brahman in your Miss Universe. Why are you trying to put a garland on me? I have a wife. He said, No, I am that wife. And then she gave it to him. And he also became effulgent and youthful and very healthy like her. The story is that everything is there. But without sweetness, it's like a rich man. You can have all the wealth in the world. But without love, you have no wealth. You're cold, dry, sad, miserable. So the real wealth is in that sweetness of that relationship. And that is what we are in our relationship with our Gurus. There are different levels of Guru. But anyone who is connected to that line, that Guru lineage is there. So really, Guru is always thinking of their Guru and their Guru all the way up to God Himself. And that connection, that sweetness gives life, gives joy, gives meaning. Gives meaning to all the stuff you learn and all the stuff you give and all the stuff you do. Otherwise you become very wise, but no love. What is the use of your wisdom? You become very strong, but no love. What is the use of your strength? You become very powerful, very influential, but no love. What is the use of that influence? So what we are looking for is bhakti. That means love and devotion and relationship. So it begins with that sambandha. So it's like any marriage, any relationship, there is fear. Right? There is fear. But someone... I did a podcast today with someone from Silicon Valley and they said, what's worse? Trying or... Like failing or never trying? What's worse? Failing or never trying? Never trying. Failing or never trying? Oh, but I tried and I failed. Okay, I'll try again. Try again. No problem. No problem. The system isn't broken just because you know, someone cheated you. No problem. So we pray today for our spiritual masters. Parekhya, Swakhya, whoever, wherever, however, we remember those times that we have with them, that we serve them, that we receive their sweetness and their blessing. It's not about hard work. It's not about austerity. It's not about sacrifice. But those times, those moments create this deep bond of gratitude and affection from the infinite to the finite. The infinite God sees the finite soul is doing such a great effort and such sincerity that the heart of the infinite melts and then infinite love, infinite power, infinite bliss flows into the finite and then you become infinitely blissful, infinitely powerful, infinitely beautiful beyond your own capacity. So therefore we pray like this. May we melt that heart of the Absolute by our sincere service to Guru Padapadma.