EVAKAILEPOD6

The podcast hosts discuss the topic of change, both positive and negative. They share personal experiences of how their lives have changed and the challenges they face in adapting to these changes. They also talk about how people and relationships can change over time, and the difficulty of accepting and dealing with these changes. The hosts mention how going back home can be especially challenging as familiar places and people may no longer be the same. Overall, they reflect on the complexities and emotions associated with change. Hello, welcome back to the podcast. My name is Eva. And my name is Kaylee. Today, we're amping up the energy with ... Right, I didn't have that planned out. You really got right into it. We had coffee. Yes, I had to try, but ... You want to talk louder? I feel like I'm talking so loud. Yeah, I had to try. I had to try. That's amazing. All right. So today, we're going to be talking about change, good and bad, and then we have a couple other subtopics we're going to talk about, but the main overarching topic is going to be change. Change and not the money. Not the money, not the cash, not the change, change, as in something's changing. Yeah. So the way that I want to talk about this is we recently had fall break, and so we went back home, and a lot of things changed for me. When I tell you a lot, literally my whole life changed going back home. Wow. Nothing is the same. Wow. It's crazy. And so here in college, this is my new life, and I got used to this as the new normal. But back home, it brought up so many different things for me. So we're going to talk about negative change. And positive change. Yeah. Positive. Positive. That's the word. Encouraging. K-love. What's been going on in your life before you started? Hmm. Let me think. Can I call a friend and help? Yeah. Okay. What's been happening in my life? Some things I can't say on the podcast. Like what? The bad stuff. Oh, yeah. What good things? Nothing. There's nothing. There's a good thing. I am going to help you on this one. I'm going to help you. I'm going to help you. I'm going to help you. I'm going to help you. I'm going to help you. I'm going to help you. I'm going to help you. I'm going to help you. I'm going to help you. I'm going to help you. I'm going to help you. I'm going to help you. I'm going to help you. I'm going to help you. I'm going to help you. I'm going to help you. I'm going to help you. There's a good thing. I am going to help you on this one. Okay. You just said that you finally got over your ex. I don't want that on the podcast. Oh. He listens? Yeah. No. He's going to be like heartbroken. He listens to these? I don't know. He might, though. Yeah, that's what scares me. So anything new with you that you want to talk about? I don't think so. I'm going to start trying not to go home as much from college. That's a good thing. Yeah. I was talking with my therapist about it, and I came down to the, what's it called? Conclusion. Conclusion that I pretty much go home to satisfy the needs of my family members and not myself. So it's not filling my bucket. It's filling theirs, and what I'm working on right now is filling my own bucket. Good job. So, yeah. That's something hard to do, especially when you've been a people pleaser your whole life, and that's your normal. Yeah. It's like, oh, I'm going to turn my ringer off. It's my mom. Mom. No, guys, I've been talking to someone, and it feels really weird because I don't know if he's going to listen or not. I'm going to say it. Yeah, go ahead. Because he's been doing literally all the right things and what I would want in a relationship. Like, how do I even say this? He just does the things that I would want him to do. Like, he treats me like I'm somebody special, even though we just met, and all this. Like, he does things. He goes out of his way for me. Right off the bat. Right off the bat, which is what he's supposed to do, but it's like I've never had that. So it's weird. It's really weird, because it's like he's doing all these things for me, and I'm just like, what? It makes me feel unworthy in a way, but it's like it shouldn't make me feel that way. It's just that I've never had anyone really do that for me when they haven't really known me. Like, he just met me, and he's doing all this stuff for me. So it's a weird feeling right now. Yeah. I don't know where it is. We were talking about it. Like, you feel like you have to earn it. Yeah. That's how my past relationship, like my past past one was. Like, you have to earn all of the good things, and it takes so much to, like, reverse that. Like, you don't have to earn anything good. Like, it just has to. Why is my mic doing this? Anything good. Anything good. Let's try and speak closer to it, maybe. I don't know. You want to swap out the mic? Because, like, I feel like it's just not working. I feel like if we swap it out. Oh, it's not going to go. Honestly, something big is going to happen. It's all going to mess up. All right. With our luck, it would all delete or something. I'm talking too close? No, you're talking too far away, I feel like. If you keep the same distance and the same tone, maybe. Yeah. Because mine's not doing it. I'll try that. We need to switch mics next week. That would be so weird. You're on this side. I'm on that side. I feel like that's going to mess up the entire universe. Yeah. And then it'll all fall apart. Yeah. But, yeah. So. But, yeah. So that's just weird navigating that. But I guess it's a good problem to have. It's not, like, something I want to go away. It's just confusing. Right. Because it's like, whoa. Okay. Change. So what changes have you experienced lately? Good or bad? Just in general. I don't want this to be on the podcast, but. Just change. Do something else then. Wait. Okay, yeah, yeah. This can go on the podcast. My house is changing, like, inside, I guess. And it's just kind of weird because you walk into this house that you were so familiar with. And now you're not familiar with it at all. Like, I swapped rooms with my brother, like, a week before moving into college. And it just doesn't feel like my room. Like, when I go home, it doesn't feel like my home anymore. Which sucks. And it's super weird to go into your home that is now just feels like a house. And it doesn't feel like a hotel, but it doesn't feel like my home. Yeah. Exact same feeling here. Yeah. It made me so sad because I don't have my room anymore. Benji took it. We both switched rooms with our brothers. And so I'm in his room and I'm sharing a room with Charlie. And it's like I'm just staying here. It's like not home at all. And I grew up in this house. Everything was in this house. Every memory I had, all this stuff. And it's like I envy people who can go home and they have their own room and everything's the way they left it. Yeah. But I can't. And it was so alienating and it made me feel so alone. Mm-hmm. It was like if this isn't my home, Gardner Webb isn't my home. Where's my home? It makes you feel like a stranger in your own house. It's so weird. Mm-hmm. It's the weirdest thing. Yep. And then friends are changing too. Yeah. My friend changed a lot. And it's weird talking to her because it's like she's a different person. And I used to be so close to her, and now it's like just completely different vibes and I don't feel the same way. Mm-hmm. It's very overwhelming when I went home. The highway changed. A lot of things changed. It was just like all coming down at one time. Yeah. I think it's crazy how much a person can change in such little time and to the point where they become unrecognizable. Yeah. And why do people change? I don't know. But, yeah, like two months ago we were best friends. And it's just a weird feeling because she's very different. But I feel like college changes people in general. For sure. It does. It's like it's what I expected, but it's a really sad feeling. Yeah. I always say to accept the sad feelings and feel the sad feelings, but when they're actually there and you're actually feeling really sad, it's like it hurts really bad to just feel. It's hard to accept it. Yeah, you just want to change it and distract yourself. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You know you need to feel it or it's just not going to go away. Mm-hmm. But, yeah, that was my experience going home. One of my friends said that going home was really hard for him because it was different as well. So I feel like a lot of people are going through the same thing. It's like just things are changing back home. Yeah. And it's all happening so fast. Right. When I moved from California to here and I would go back to California, the way that all of my friends at home changed, they, like, forgot about me basically. And it was so weird to see them all move on without me because I'm still stuck in that, like, I think it's weird. I think it's weird how we can stick ourselves in that time zone that we knew them and sit there for forever while they're still progressing forward and are not in that time zone with us, if that makes any sense. It makes a lot of sense. Like with work. Yeah. I was really close to them, and in my head, everything's exactly the same at work. When I went back to visit, everything was different. They cut down trees. Like it just looks like a completely different place, first of all, outwardly. And then with all the people, it's just like they all are different. There's new employees, and they're just continuing on. And in my head, it's still the same old workplace. And it's like, I don't know. I feel like part of me is stuck being 16 years old and having all the core memories and all the same friends that I did when I was a teenager, all the same, everything. The memories stuck with me, and it's like it's still the same thing. And I was expecting that going back home. And literally everyone's gone, and everything changed. That's crazy. And it's like not even there. It's not reality anymore. So the hard part is balancing the good memories and keeping those good memories but knowing that they're gone. Like you can't relive them if you wanted to. Yeah. That's the special thing about time. Like the memories we're making now, we're going to miss. Oh, that got a little deep. Y'all, this coffee is not coffee. She made my coffee. She did something to it. This is not a caramel ribbon crunch frappuccino. She spit in it. She had to have pooped in it. Cutting that out. Oh, one thing that I wanted to add to that, like feeling stuck in that time zone. So we moved out of our house in California, obviously, and we were renting it out to my mom's best friend. And my mom's best friend had a daughter, and she was my best friend, and she got my room. And so we decided to sell the house eventually, and so we went back to the house to make sure everything was, like, fine. And then I go into the house, and I recognize nothing. It doesn't even look like my house anymore. Kaylee, the exact same thing happened to me. Shut up. We had a childhood home. I grew up in it. It was my mom grew up in the same house, okay? My grandparents, like, it was their house. I grew up in that house my whole life. When I was 13, my mom's best friend, our pastor and his wife, moved in, and they had a daughter my age. She took my room. She literally took my room upstairs, and I left her a note. And I was like, she needs to find this note. And so I said, hey, I know you don't know me, but my name's Eva, because I didn't really know the girl. But my mom and her mom were, like, friends, but we had never, like, hung out because I was, like, young. And so I made her a note, and I was like, if you ever want to, like, hang out, like, e-mail me, evacatlover at gmail.com. So she e-mailed me a couple months later, because I stuck it in the top of the closet. There's, like, this little shelf kind of thing. And she finally found it. And she's like, hey, girl. And I was like, hey, you should totally subscribe to my YouTube channel. And she left me on deliver on an e-mail. Oh, yeah, an e-mail. That's crazy. But, yeah, it was weird, because it was like it wasn't my room. They renovated the whole house, and they changed everything. They took the flooring out. They asked me to house-sit a couple months ago. And so I ended up house-sitting, and it was scary being in the house. It was just a scary house in general, but the fear added on when I knew I used to live there and it wasn't my house anymore. Right. Did you go back and, like, look at your room and think that it was so much bigger than what it actually was? Because that's what happened to me. I was like, wow, this is tiny. But since I was so little, everything is just huge to me. Like, my bed was huge. My room was huge, and everything was huge. But then I go back, and everything was tiny. I remember the room being giant. Yeah. I was like, where's my big room? It was, like, average room. And I was like, what? And my closet was, like, small. The whole house was, like, smaller than I remember. I remember it being giant. I think that's so bizarre. Yeah. How do I remember it being so big? I was like, eh. Yeah. I mean, what? Yeah. Yeah, it's weird how memories work. Because a lot of things, people will just fake remember. Like, they won't actually remember certain details, but people will put things in their head that they fake remember. Have you ever noticed that when you think about memories, you see yourself in the memory? Yes. But myself, I'm always, like, my age now, which is weird. Like, I remember myself crying as a baby in my crib, and I remember myself being, like, what I look like now. And I was like, wait, I wasn't crying in my crib at, like, 18. Hmm. That's crazy. Why do you see yourself in the memory? Because you can't see yourself. It's weird. But you experience things from, like, your own eyes, but then you see your own body experiencing it when you look back on the memory. Yeah. Like, how was I supposed to know what I looked like when I was doing that? I don't. Your brain just makes it up? I don't know, because I remember one memory I'm thinking of. I'm in it, but I'm, like, 4, and I have a pink tank top on and jean shorts. My mom's detangling my hair, and I'm crying, because I remember that memory so vividly. But how do I know what I was looking like? Because I'm like, ooh, like, the memory is, like, me watching from the side, and I'm, like, in it. So who's the person watching? Yeah. That is so creepy. What is happening? It's like I'm there in the memory, like, looking. Yeah. But you're never, like, super distant from it, I feel like. It's always, like, a side view. You're, like, right next to them. Who is the person right next to them watching that we remember? Is it us going back in time, looking at ourselves in our brain every time we want to look back on a memory? What? How is anything real, honestly? I don't even know. Okay, we're going to move on to the next topic, taking compliments. When someone compliments you, what do you do? It really depends on the person. Some people, I have a hard time taking compliments because I feel like they're not being genuine. Why? Maybe it's just, like, an insecurity kind of thing that I have with myself, but I just have a hard time doing it. I think I grew up in a place where you just compliment people to be nice because California, you don't walk into a store and you don't say hello to the person that's, like, at the cashier, like, here. That was a major cultural shock when I came here is, like, you walk into a store and they're like, hey, how are you doing? Like, I have never experienced that in my entire life. Like, you just walk into a store and you do whatever you want and then you go out and you don't say bye, you don't say hi, you don't say anything, and, like, that was just the normal exchange. But here, everybody's just so friendly and I'm questioning if it's real or not. So it was the way you were raised that's different. I guess so. The pleasantries in the South are so excessive. But, yeah, I do get what you're saying. You wonder if it's, like, genuine. Yeah. I say just believe them. They're taking time out of their day to tell you that you look special or they like something about you. Right. And that's completely different from – well, I guess it's not because you said in California they – I lost my words. I got really distracted. What were you saying? California, they – Oh, I don't know, but I have something else to say. Okay, go. Okay. This is really bad. Why do I keep forgetting everything? You do. Wait. Oh, I think most of the time it depends on who is giving it to me, whether I'll take it to heart or not. Like, that sounds so weird, but, like, if a certain person compliments me, I'll take it differently than if this other person compliments me, which doesn't make a whole lot of sense in my head. Like, why wouldn't you just receive compliments equally? But I don't know. It just means something different, I guess. Yeah. Wait. Okay, sorry. Yeah, we were talking about that a little bit last podcast when I was talking about how my mom giving me a compliment is different than guys because I was seeking guy validation. I think that applies here, too. Right. Like, it just depends who. But I feel like whenever I'm walking and just a stranger compliments me, I take it so – I just love it when strangers compliment me. Yeah. And I want a way subconsciously to tell them how much I appreciate them because I love words of affirmation. And so I'll be like, oh, my gosh, thank you. And it'll be, like, this big thing. And then they'll just be like, oh, and keep walking. And it's like I feel bad for being, like, way out there with my thank you all the time. You shouldn't be, though. Maybe that made their day. Yeah, maybe. But, yeah, I love when strangers compliment me. But I never really know how to take it. I just say thank you. Yeah. Oh, I like your shirt, too. I don't know if I just compliment back or what. Right. Do you ever compliment back? I used to a ton until I realized that I was being disingenuine and that's not who I wanted to be. Like if somebody was like, oh, I love your pants, I'd be like, oh, I really like your pants, too. But there's nothing special about their pants. Like they're just average. And so I was like, why am I going out of my way to compliment them when they just complimented me? So now I'm just like, oh, thank you so much. Like that means a lot. But, I mean, if there is something that I do like about their outfit, their look, whatever, I will compliment them. I actually complimented somebody today, like some girl that I've never seen before. I was like, your outfit is so cute. And she was like, oh, my gosh, thank you so much. I was like, you're welcome. And, like, that was it. And I felt satisfied. I don't feel the need to get compliments in return. That's just not how I am, I guess. But, yeah. Do you think that, like, complimenting people's jeans, even when you don't like them or things like that, goes back to California, where you were raised, how people just said compliments? Yeah. Yeah. That was crazy. That was actually crazy. What just happened? Your mic's on something. That's scary. Yeah. Yeah. Let's talk about stereotypes. Are they good or bad? It depends. You want to talk about it? I think stereotypes, when people think of stereotypes, you think of, like, oh, she's white, so she loves Starbucks. Like, judging people based on things that you can outwardly see. And I think stereotyping like that is not good at all. Right. Because you need to get to know someone. But I think stereotyping someone who you think is a threat to your life or who is dangerous is a good thing. Like, if someone's acting in a suspicious way, being sus, or, like, if someone's following you around a store or something like that, you need to use your womanly intuition or whatever it is and make sure that they're not actually following you or, like, judge them, yeah. Right. I think it's appropriate to judge people sometimes, but not, like, with people who aren't a threat to you. Yeah. I think it's important to judge people but also still be able to have an open mind about them at the same time. Yeah. Like, get – how do you even say that? I think you just worded it perfectly. Like, try and learn new things about them that may go against your stereotype but still have that guard up. Yeah. And be like, they showed me this, this, and this, and it makes me feel like they could do this, this, and this. Right. This, this, and this. But, yeah. Also, what do people think about you? What are their first impressions when they meet you or, like, some stereotypes people have made about you? I have no idea. You don't know? No. No one's told you? No, except, I mean, I get that, like, redheads have no soul, but that's about it. Like, I don't have any genuine first impressions that anybody's ever told me. I thought you were really cool. Aw. Yeah. A lot of people think I'm really rude, but I don't talk to people. How do they know that? It's just my face, but I don't think – some people think I just have a normal face and some people think I look really mean. I guess it depends. I don't know. Because I present myself in two different ways. If I'm in public by myself, I can look mean and look like I can kill somebody. But then if I'm, like, with you or just, like, with friends or not somewhere that I've perceived threats, then I'm just normal. Right. And I feel like that is essential, especially just being a woman. Like, you have to be able to code switch like that. Mm-hmm. Exactly. It's a good thing for my safety. And also I wonder how many predators, like creepy men, I've made not come get me who are thinking about kidnapping me. That's crazy. I bet there are so many people who have thought about kidnapping us. Yeah. Like I thought. Which is disgusting. Yeah. And it's weird how people have their own thoughts about us all the time. Yeah. Like, that girl over there could be thinking, what are they doing? And then it could lead to her going home and telling her friend that there's a podcasting studio and then da-da-da-da. It could be, like, the butterfly effect. Yes. It's just, like, weird how people are people. Right. Or if somebody loves the shirt that you're wearing and then they're like, wow, I wish I could wear an outfit like that tomorrow. And then they wear an outfit like that tomorrow. Yeah. And then something, like, crazy happens in their life. Yeah, because of you wearing this one thing. Yeah. If you hadn't have worn it, like, what? Yeah. Life has so many different directions and there's so many different decisions we make every single day that could change the course and the way that we live life. The outcomes. How do you think, like, with the topic of being safe, being safe in public, how do you think are some ways that you can stay safe in public? My biggest thing is to always be aware of your surroundings, which sounds, like, cliche, I guess. But seriously, like, if you're out in public and you're only on your phone, you have no idea who is surrounding you. Like, that's terrifying to me, just not knowing who I'm surrounded with or what I'm surrounded by. I'm not that kind of person that seeks out every single exit in the building, though. Maybe I should be, but I'm not. I just don't plan that far ahead, personally. I don't know. What about you? I'm wondering if they can hear the people next door because they're really loud. I don't know what that is, the video. I think you should be fine. For me, what were we talking about, safety in public? For me, I just look mean, like I said, and then definitely I'm never on my phone when I'm walking from my car to the store, especially, or into wherever I'm going if I'm alone. And I always, whenever I'm walking in, make sure they see me lock my door if anyone's watching me. I'm really cautious about this stuff, and I hold my pepper spray out, and if I do perceive a threat or I think someone's following me in a store, then I'll make sure they know that I see them first. But I don't want it to be intimidating because some people will take that as a challenge. They'll be like, yeah, I can kidnap you. I know you saw me. It's weird how their mind works. So I just very slightly let them know that I see them a couple of times, especially if they're still following me. And then I'll usually act like I'm calling someone on the phone if it gets to be this big thing. Like the other day, I was really scared that someone was actually just kept following me down every aisle. And so I acted like I was on the phone with my mom, and I just openly said really as loud as I could, there's a scary man behind me who just keeps following me, so I'm sharing my location with you, and like just saying all this stuff. Wow. Yeah, and then they were no better to be found. I don't know if that actually worked or if they were just shopping, but I mean it's better safe than sorry. Right. It's scary though. Like it's scary what people are capable of, you know, and you would have no idea. They just look like normal people. Yeah. But they can do a lot of stuff. You hear so many stories too. It's like I'm not risking it. If I see anything creepy, I don't play about that. No. I also have this thing when I'm walking back to my car from the store, I always look under the car first, like from a distance, because I'm terrified, which is so sad that you have to be that paranoid about it, but it's… You have to. Yeah. Or one of my friends was hanging out with her friends, and they went to, I don't know, some hike or something, and they parked their car. They came back, and there was I think money or flowers on their windshield, and they were like, oh, wow, there's money, flowers, whatever. And my friend was like, guys, we need to get in the car and lock the doors and go now. Like don't touch it, don't do anything. They had no idea, which is terrifying, because if my friend was not there, that could have ended so poorly, like which is terrifying. They put like poison in the money, and when you open it, it kills you on the spot. They do all this stuff. Exactly. Or like that's the sign that the kidnappers use to find out which one is the one that they're going to take. Or it's like a distraction, so that way they can have more time to take you. Like it's actually crazy. That happened to me one time, actually. What happened? I parked my car. I was with my dad, and I parked my car. I was at a store, I don't know, like Target or something, and we come back, and there are white squares on the tires of every car surrounding us and our car. And I was like, what? And I know not to touch it. Like I'm not going to touch anything that is on my car at all. And my dad was like, what is that? I was like, dad, don't, don't touch it, don't touch it. And I was like, all right. So then we got in the car and drove off, and they like came off the tires, whatever. But there are people who don't understand that. And they will touch it, and it will like go very badly for them. And it's, I don't know, it's just crazy how some people just aren't aware of the dangers that there are. Yeah, it's terrifying. Yeah, if I see anything around my car on my car, I'm not going to touch it. I'm just going to go. This is scary. My car doesn't, it used to not even lock. And so I used to have to leave it unlocked. So I went into the store, and there are these big windows. It was like a gas station. So I was ordering, and I turned around, I could see my car through the windows. And I see someone in my car. I was like, what? And so I was like, someone's in my car. And I made a big deal, and I like yelled out. I was like, someone's in my car. And so there was a dude beside me. He's like, someone's in your car? I was like, yeah. And so I run over, and I opened the door. I'm like, ma'am, that's my car. And she looked at me. I was like, that's my car. And I went over to her. And I was like, ma'am. And she's like, oh, I thought. And she started stuttering. I was like, no, that's my car. And she's like, I thought it was my car. I parked next to you. There was a silver car next to me. Mine's black. And it wasn't even hers. And so I was like, get out of my car. And so the man at the door, he was like, do you need me to call the police? I was like, I don't know. And she's like, no, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And then she walks away. She doesn't even go to that car beside it. And she just walks away. And so I closed the door. I was like, what the heck is wrong with people? That's crazy. She was probably trying to hotwire it or something. Wow. One time, I was painting a mural in West Asheville. And I was the only one. It was in a therapy office. And so I had to lock up the therapy office after I was done for the day. I was getting done at, like, 9 o'clock at night, 10 o'clock at night. And West Asheville is not the most secure place. There's just a lot of homeless people wandering around. A lot of them are on drugs. Like, it's just a scary thing. And, I mean, I drove myself. I was driving myself. I had my own car and whatever. And one time, I got in my car and I was queuing up my music. And then this lady comes up to my window and starts banging on it. And it scared me so bad. Like, I always lock my doors after I get in my car. That's a must. I have to lock my doors every single time. And I'm so glad I did because she was trying to open my door. And I was like, no, uh-uh. And I could see my pepper spray, like, in the thing. So I grabbed it and I, like, looked at her. And she was, like, trying to, like, talk to me through my window. I was like, uh-uh. So I looked at my phone. I called my best friend Kaylin. I was, like, almost in tears. I was so freaked out because I'm by myself in this place that's, like, really weird, really random. And then I just, like, keep looking at my phone. And then she walks away. And I was like, what is happening? It was so crazy. Gosh. Yeah, that's terrifying. Yeah. What? Yeah. Oh, gosh. It's, like, it kind of felt like it was out of, like, a horror movie. Like, The Walking Dead or something. The Walking Dead. Dang. Yeah. Yeah, sometimes life feels like a movie and it's so fun. There's, like, times I'll have, like, two days in a row, maybe once every two years or a year or whatever, that just those days feel like I'm in a movie every single day. And, like, everything feels unreal. Like, I'll have a lot of things happen to me over the course of, like, a day or two. And then things go back to normal. And it's, like, wow. It's, like, my plot. What are you doing? I'm sorry. I'm trying to turn. I don't know how to turn that on. It's really funny. On air. What else is on our agenda? It's pretty long. We can pretty, we can end it probably. What is it? 35. What time is it? 619. You're 619. You're 619. Alright. Are you ready to end it? I think so. Stay safe out there. Stay safe. Especially for Halloween. Like, seriously. Don't drink anything that anyone gives you. Be aware of your surroundings if you're going trick-or-treating. Give someone your drink that you trust when you go to the bathroom. Yeah. Yeah. Be very aware of your surroundings. I have a feeling this Halloween's gonna be actually bad. I know. It feels really weird. It doesn't even feel like Halloween. Yeah. Something bad's gonna happen. Yeah. I feel like a big bad thing's gonna happen. I feel that too. So, we'll see. Next podcast if something bad actually happens. Alright, guys. Thank you for listening to the podcast. It was great having you, as usual. Peace. Peace and love.