240113 - Improving our Relationships - Cauley

The speaker begins by acknowledging the presence and participation of the audience. They then introduce the scripture reading from John 3:16-17 and express their appreciation for the guest speaker, Pastor Brad Cawley. The speaker encourages the audience to send encouraging text messages to those who are not present and emphasizes the importance of inclusivity within the church. They also mention a quiz for those under the age of 20 at the end of the message. The main topic of the sermon is biblical conflict resolution based on a book called "Resolving Everyday Conflict" by Ken Sandy and Kevin Johnson. The speaker shares the story of Pat Tillman to illustrate the impact of conflict and emphasizes the power of the gospel in resolving conflicts. They discuss the importance of unconditional love within the Christian community and encourage the audience to love one another regardless of differences. The speaker concludes by highlighting the need for unity within the church and addressing th Thank you, Kathy. And I heard somebody up here humming along, and I know I was humming along. So you had a chorus behind you. I may not have known that. I think I saw some other folks, too. I think maybe that's a favorite of many of us. So Rebecca was retiring herself to Kathy. She's out singing for her now? No, she's always been that way. She's a bit well-hidden. Well-hidden. Our scripture reading today is John 3, verses 16 and 17. One of my favorite verses. What can I say? For God so loved the world that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. Our message is brought to us today by Pastor Brad Cawley, who is, I think, the Executive Secretary for the Northern New England Conference. We want to especially welcome you and your wife today. And it's all yours. Thank you. It's a pleasure to be here. As we get started, I want you to do me a favor. I would like for you to take your phone out and text someone that could be here, but for whatever reason is not here, to send them an encouraging message. Something like, hey, just thinking about you, or just thought I would say hi to you today. I hope you're having a great day today. Again, we've been praying, or had to pray this morning about the people that are, let's say, disengaged. Yeah, it's on. OK. So, Brian, you tell me if I need to do something differently. I'll keep going until you tell me differently. All right, so, yeah, get your phones out. Yeah, go ahead. You get the freedom. And if you don't know anyone that's a disengaged member, or you don't have their contact information, perhaps there's someone else that comes to mind that you can send an encouraging text message to. Again, we want to have a culture of our church that no one is left behind, because we're all going to heaven together when Jesus comes. So let's do what we can to encourage everybody, send them encouraging messages. Perhaps not just one person comes to mind, and you have contact information for two or three. Feel free to text all three of them, OK? So also, I would like to get the attention of those under the age of 20. Under the age of 20, pay attention. At the end of the message, I think I'm talking to this guy here. Under the age of 20, under the age of 20, at the end of the message, I'm going to have a two-question quiz. If you listen to the whole sermon, and you're able to answer these two questions accurately, or close enough, then there'll be a reward for you. So it's worth paying attention. Again, this is a two-question quiz at the end of the message today. So it's worth your while to stay tuned, not just because it's a meaningful message, but this will be good to listen to as well. OK, that being said, I'm going to share with you a message about how we can improve our relationships with each other through biblical conflict resolution. And as I'm going to be sharing with you, it is based upon a book called Resolving Everyday Conflict. It's about 100 pages, Resolving Everyday Conflict. And it's by Ken Sandy and Kevin Johnson. So I would like for you to consider your relationships with the following people as we begin. Number one, obviously, those at home. If you don't stay home by yourself, then you have some people that you rub the wrong way, or they rub you the wrong way. That's normal, right? And also, family members beyond the home. There are co-workers, or perhaps our neighbors, are also our church family members, people within the church family. And then also, everyone else. Let's pray. Father in heaven, I pray your Holy Spirit would be with us, that you would help us to be in tune with what you would tell each one of us. And probably some of us are going to hear from you that we need to do something with a certain relationship, whether it be at home, or in the neighborhood, at work, or maybe even a relationship that no longer exists because someone has passed away, or lives very far away, or we haven't even met before. I pray that your Holy Spirit would lead us today in a very special way, that we would not be the same as a result. I pray in Jesus' name. Amen. OK. So Pat Tillman was a very successful football player. How many of you remember him? All right. So to be someone who makes it to the pros, you have to be extremely good when you are a kid. When you're in high school, that the scouts find you, and then you are able to make it to college, and you have to succeed there. And five. Come on. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I'm just making sure everybody's awake this morning. Yeah, we're awake now. All right. All right. Way to go, Brian. All right. OK. So once you make it to the pros, and you succeed there, then you make a lot of what? Money. And you have a lot of prestige, or you're famous. So Pat Tillman had all of that. But when September 11, 2001 occurred, he left all of that behind to go into special forces in the military, because he felt compelled to serve his country rather than to live and have everything, money, fame, everything. And then the news came back. Do you remember the news that came back as he was stationed? We couldn't watch him on TV. We didn't see any video coverage. But the word came back that he died overseas. Do you remember how he died? Speculation that it was friendly fire. Yeah, he died by friendly fire. Isn't that the most disheartening of all? He left all that behind and not engaged in combat that he died, but by friendly fire. That happens sometimes within our homes. That happens in church families and at workplaces that people suffer from friendly fire. And sometimes we are guilty of that. But God has a good way for us. He has a recipe. He has instruction for us. And that is biblical conflict resolution. That's what we're going to be talking about today. And I believe this will bless you as you apply it. OK. So the power behind peacemaking, this is a very important point. The power behind peacemaking is the gospel. Not just the information, the message, but the gospel as lived in your life, as received in your life. That impacts the way your relationships go. Because if you have been changed because you have received Jesus, you have received his forgiveness, it changes how you interact with other people. All right? When a person has become a new creation in Christ, because they have repented of their sins, they have accepted Jesus as their forgiver and leader, everything changes. Amen? All right, we got one person. Amen? Come on, y'all. Hebrews 7.25 says, he is able to save us from the guttermost to the uttermost. No matter what you have done, no matter where you have been, Jesus has the ability to reconcile you with that large gap between you and God, because he is the one who filled in the gap. He died on the cross to take every sin of yours with him so that they could be buried and you could be made new. And this is exactly what Hebrews tells us. So we can have confidence in our relationship with God, not because that we are earning points with God because of what we have done or what we do, but because Jesus is righteous himself. Can someone say amen? All right, so John 13.35, listen to this. By this, all men will know, all people, will know that you are my disciples if you have love for one another. OK, the word love here in the English is, we just have one word, but in the Greek language we have different words for love. And I'm sure there's probably half of us know what the original word in Greek was here. Agape, right? OK, what is agape love? Unconditional, it's a love without condition. OK, by the way, we need to learn who's talking here. Who's talking? This is Jesus. Who's he talking to? The disciples, all right? So the one another is who? None other but within the Christian community, those who are following Jesus. He says, when we love one another, the world will know Jesus more than ever. Now, he could have said here, when we love the world, but he didn't say the world. He told the disciples, when you love one another, that you stop trying to be the first position, you stop trying to do this or be right or whatever the case may be. When you unconditionally love them, regardless of what their political party is, when you love them regardless of what their vaccination status or your COVID perspective is or whatever, that is a love without condition. And let me tell you, the group that Jesus chose to be his disciples were on one end of the spectrum and the other. You know that, right? We know that one was named Simon Peter, but there was another Simon, Simon the what? Zealot. Do you know what they were? They wanted to, by force, by attacking and killing, overthrow the Romans. And they were always lying in wait for just an opportunity to overthrow the Romans. And then the other side, you had Matthew, the tax collector, who many would say betrayed his own people to work for the Roman government. And then you had everybody in between, OK? So it is perfectly difficult for us to apply this text, no matter what political party or whatever, that we need to be able to love one another, let those things aside. Why? Because Jesus loves us all, and we're all moving to a place called heaven pretty soon. So we really need to recognize that what's happening here, we're in kind of a political season right now, right? I mean, it's always political season, it feels like. But things are kind of getting closer to a political election, presidential election, this year. But how many people have stopped coming to the Colonial Church? I have no idea, right? How many people have stopped coming because of something internally within the church family? Now, it could be that somebody is not returning to the church because of physical reasons that they can't make it. We call them shut-ins sometimes, and we need to minister to them. But this message is for us to help us to move forward in a very warm, loving way for those who have maybe been hurt, or perhaps they have been a weaker brother or sister or something like this. OK? OK. So in the book, they explain three basic types of conflict, all right? You have escaping, and you have attacking, and then you have conciliation. That's the part where we like, right here, there's a coming together. So escaping is peace-faking, OK? Sometimes it looks like peace, it looks like peace, but it's not peace. It's faking peace, OK? That's escaping. Attacking is peace-breaking, all right? And conciliation, of course, is peacemaking. All right, Brian, we're OK in there? Audio, everything? All right, awesome, OK. So let's talk about peace-faking or escaping examples. And let's go to this side of the room over here, OK? So I'm going to use this side for escaping examples. All right, number one, denial. He's not really an alcoholic. She doesn't really have a drug problem, OK? That's escaping. OK, that's not really a problem there. Let's not bother with that. Let's leave that alone. Do we do that for brothers and sisters sometimes, within the church family? Of course we do, all right? That's not peacemaking. That's peace-faking, all right? Flight, all right? Instead of working things out with a brother or sister, let me change my church. That's never happened, right? All right, or if I don't like my spouse, let me change the spouse. If I don't like my job, let's change my job. Instead of working out the issues in a very biblical manner, the way God is equipping us to do. And then we can say everything. It's not just those, but other things. And then the extreme here is suicide. It's personal implosion or the actual act itself. Now, sometimes it happens by mistake. There's an epidemic, and it's definitely up here in New Hampshire, where people are accidentally killing themselves by taking these drugs that are laced with poison. They are aware that it's got that stuff in it, but they didn't know how potent it was. We've even had a relative of a pastor in this conference who died this way, like a year and a half ago. So this is a real deal here, all right? OK, so let's talk about the other side here, which is peace-breaking, which is also attacking, OK? Now, one example we do this is litigation. We go to court, or we go to court of public opinion. Have you ever seen anybody put on Facebook or some social media, you know they're talking about somebody, something recently happened. And instead of going to that person, they're talking to that person on Facebook without directing to that person. You know what I'm talking about? You ever seen that? Some people do that. That's probably not the right way to do it. But if you listen to the Psalms, we're studying the book of Psalms this quarter, for a Sabbath school class with adults. And you notice David does some of that. Interesting. If you pay attention, David does some of that, too. About some of his enemies, he just does some of that. It's interesting, but I don't think that's necessarily the most healthy way, but anyway. OK, the next one here is assault. So you damage a person, not just physical assault, but also verbal assault or other things that you can do. I'm sorry, financial, yes, exactly. So we're going to more examples of attacking. And this is unhealthy ways here. And then the most extreme is murder. Jesus says we can be guilty of this command by hating a brother or hating someone else. So I must tell you that I have never met a United States president, but I've had some major resentment in my heart about, in the past. And I've had to realize that, what kind of sense does that make? I've never even met the person. They don't know who I am. But yet, I've got some resentment towards my heart about this person. I'm not talking about the current president. I'm just saying, please don't make anything or what I just said, all right? Don't think, don't make any suppositions. It's not my political party. It has nothing to do with what we're talking about. But there may be somebody that's even passed away that you still have not forgiven for something. And what you are doing is you are still allowing that person, although dead, to re-injure you and re-injure you and re-injure you. When they don't even, they're gone, right? Or there could be a United States president or a political figure, whatever, that don't even know our name. But we're allowing them. We're giving them that right to be injuring us over and over again. What kind of sense does that make? Does that sound like something that Jesus would want us to experience? Of course not. No, he wants us to be free. Jesus says, if the Son sets you free, you shall be free indeed. So he's like, the most free you can be. We're talking about religious liberty. We're talking about liberty that transcends people who are in persecution in this world today. And we need to do what we can for religious liberty. However, we're talking about a liberty that transcends what happens by circumstances, because it is a state of living that God gives us. All right, so again, just a reminder how we are saved, that when a person receives Jesus into their hearts, it is not that we earned it to start off with, because the Bible says it is a gift. How much do you pay for a gift? You don't pay for a gift. It is a gift of God. The moment we think we're starting to rack up points, we have started to lose faith in the grace of Jesus that makes it free to us, because there's nothing that we could do to earn points without the Holy Spirit living in us, because of our invitation and our living for him, OK? All right, so it is so important to understand our relationships are revolutionized when we are recipients of the gospel ourselves. When we have been changed, it changes our relationships in a radical way. All right, so there are two types of conciliation. There's conciliation that's personal, you do yourself. And there's a second type where you actually have assistance, where people can help, like mediation and such, OK? So let's talk about conciliation or the personal type of conciliation to start off with, all right? So this is reconciliation that comes through us confessing to others. Notice the word loving, without conditions, correction, loving correction, and forgiveness, forgiveness, OK? All right, then negotiation, that's cooperative bargaining to reach a settlement. That happens legally, but also we can negotiate as well. And then there's this one I wanted to talk a little bit more about, and it's overlooking. That's saying, hey, that's not a hill I'm prepared to die on. That's not a big matter. That's something that I can let go, OK? We're going to talk about that one. It's Psalm 103, verses 8 through 10. Can I have a volunteer to read that? Maybe I'll hand you the mic. Is this thing on? All right, all right. Read that. We'll make sure that those watching online can be able to hear it. It's right there on the screen. Yep, all right, thank you, Dan. The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever. He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. Wow, is that true? Well, have you ever had something that just comes to your mind, a sinful thought, and just recognize, wow, I just had that thought, and God didn't strike me down just now for that. So God is all the time compassionate. He's gracious. He's abounding in love. He's slow to anger. And it says that he does not treat us as our sins deserve. In fact, Desire of Ages is one of the early pages. It says, we were treated, I'm sorry, Jesus was treated as we deserve so that we might be treated as he deserves. This is the God that we serve. He's willing to give himself so that we may have the life that he wants us to live. And as we embrace him, then it changes our life. Not only does it change our lives, but it also changes how we relate to others. So overlooking is instead of escaping. It is not a form of escaping. It is instead of escaping. And it is the peacemaker's first option. Overlooking the peacemaker's first option. Again, you ask yourself, is this really a big deal, or is it small potatoes? So now, let's read Proverbs 19, 11 here. It says, a man's wisdom gives him patience. It is to his glory to overlook an offense. Wow. Now, in our culture today, in the pace of life, it is so rapid fire that this is a very countercultural statement, that we overlook, that we have patience with people, that we overlook offenses. In our culture today, it is you attack me, then what? I'll attack you, all right? If you watch some TV, and they're maybe interviewing people that have maybe a little panel, and people have differing opinions and such, and you will normally find that people don't really listen to each other very well. There is an interjection, an interruption. It's quite frequent. We're really not that patient with people. However, the scripture tells us that it is to a man's glory to be patient with them. And this is not easy. I mean, for me, I can tell you, it's my nature to want to interject or to want to attack back. Hey, you say this about me, I'm going to say this about you, whatever, like that. But actually, God holds up the standard that there's a better way, and that is to be patient with people. And I can be that way, you can be that way, because you're asking God to be with you. And every day, we're talking about the baptism of the Holy Spirit, right? And now you're talking about praying that, going through the 10 days of prayer, prayer meeting coming up soon. This is excellent. This is the instilling, the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, the indwelling Christ in us. So this really is something that is a prized possession. It is wise, and that's something I think we all want to be. We all want to be seen as someone who is wise. We want to be wise, not wise in our own eyes, but wise in the eyes of God. And this is one way we can do it, by overlooking smaller offenses. OK, so now, let's just talk about some things that are small things, all right? Things that you could overlook. So I'm just going to pick on my wife, since she's here today. And then you're going to help me pick on your wife or your husband, OK? For those of you who are married. All right, so when Nellie and I got married, I noticed that there were certain things that she did that I didn't really like, that got on my nerves, that were small issues. And vice versa, there were things I did that she made notice of, you know? And then as the years go by, then I find out there's more things. Like, for instance, I had the habit of leaving the cabinet doors in the kitchen open. Like, I may grab a plate and, Edna? That's me. You leave it open, or you like to have it shut? OK, and then, yeah, so I would grab a plate. I'm thinking, hey, I could be coming back there, you know, maybe an hour from now, two hours, or maybe the next day, right? So why close the thing? It's just not a big deal. Or maybe the way that, I won't say who's what, but I'll give you some more examples, the way that things are loaded in the dishwasher. Actually, I didn't come up with that one myself. This past time, I preached the same message at Concord Church. And someone, I was asking, you give me examples. And somebody gave that example. So it's not just my household we have these things. OK, so help me out. What are some other things? And it's not just a spousal relationship, but just relationships at the house. I eat faster than my husband and my daughter. OK. So I finish eating, and then I start putting things away. I'm making things neat, but they may want that. Oh, OK. All right. Yep. Increases the value, right? OK, yes. Getting ready to go to church. Like about who's ready when it's time to get on, to make it on time type of thing? Or what? He takes longer than me. No, I'm not asking to expose each other. I'm telling her what to do. It's just not helping ourselves here today. All right, Steve. Go ahead, Steve. Let's just go back to the toothpaste. Yes. Cannot forget the toothpaste. Or putting the toilet paper on the wrong way. I know. Who likes it for it to go under? You ask for trivial things, right? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, for some reason, some people have an under problem. I don't know. They think it should be under. But anyway, I'm not trying to create any problems. But I think there's some easy solutions. It's all trivial. It's trivial, right? But then you should just. So it's not really a big deal. No, it's meddling. A meddling. It's not that big of a deal, really. So if we're making a big deal of the small things, then when we make a deal over the bigger things, then it doesn't really have the value that it should. So we really should let the smaller things go. It's to our glory. It's showing wisdom by showing patience, right? And also, you can be wise just to buy two separate toothpaste tubes, all right? This is yours. Now, if you're sharing other things, like cabinets or whatever, that may be another. The other thing on the door thing, when you put it open, something is going to happen. Yes, yes, yes. It's a safety hazard. Safety hazard. So now that we know where you land on that one, I better move on. So it's an active, strong choice. It is not a weakness to overlook. It is not a sign of weakness to overlook. Now, it may appear to people who don't know what's happening internally that it's a weakness. But in reality, it takes much more strength to be self-possessed over the small things of life, right? It takes more strength. It is an active, strong choice. It has nothing to do with denying. It's to say, hey, I recognize this is a little something here, but I'm going to be patient. I'm going to seek wisdom from God. And I'm going to let it go. I'm not going to allow myself to get worked up, all right? Now, it could be easier said than done, perhaps, but in any case. It's not something you say, all right, I'm going to use this, and I'm going to bring it out in opportune time to attack you later. Yeah, that doesn't really help you out. OK, and then this is a quote from the book, Resolving Everyday Conflict, page 54. Overlooking is in sharp contrast to a life's conflict. OK, let me just back that up for a second. So there was a good question somebody asked Thursday night at Concord Church when Pastor Kim was interviewing. And it was when Pastor Kim stepped out of the room with his family. And we were just talking, OK, how are we feeling the Lord is leading here? And then at this point, a question, a very good question, when is it appropriate, something like this, somehow you can help me if you were there. When is it appropriate to correct the pastor? Or to seek, or to go above. Or to go above the pastor, to complain to his supervisor. Right, right. And so I was thinking about this quote here as an answer, the partial answer to the question. Overlooking is in sharp contrast to a life constantly correcting others in the name of peace, constantly correcting others, likely causing damage, while overlooking helps relationships. We can overlook smaller offenses. So if we're not careful, if we have a pattern of constantly correcting people, then we're going to have a reputation, and they're not going to listen to us when we correct, right? Because we're making a big deal over small issues. Now, I have to confess to you that I do that sometimes and I've learned to be better with my wife. I'm picking on her because she's here today. It's better to do that in front of her than behind her back, right? So I have a sensing personality. My wife is intuitive personality. And some of you know what I'm talking about. So I'm more precise, precision, and exactness. My wife is more the big picture, storyline, things like that. So sometimes she would share a story of an experience we've had with other people. And then I have corrected her on details. Because I'm like, man, I can't let that detail go. That's so important to the story. I mean, you turn right when we turn left, or it was blue. It wasn't red, or something, you know, something. And you know what, it didn't really help the relationship that I was doing that. So I have, help me out, am I speaking the truth? I have not done that quite as much as I used to. Is that right? I guess. I didn't prepare her ahead of time. Yeah, yeah. Well, anyway, well, I know that many times I was like, OK, let that one go, let this one go. I know there's improvement, even though I couldn't have a way to go. If you chose to not do it, she didn't know anything about it. She doesn't know. She doesn't know. I'm like, man, there's a major improvement here. You're the one who knows that you didn't do it. Yes, yes. But actually, my wife is a very good storyteller, as you can see, right? So I was thinking, even, you know what, I'm getting myself in trouble here. I was thinking, there was one part of that story I remember her sharing before, but I thought, you know what? She kept that out for a good reason, for the sake of the kids. She decided not to say one little aspect for the sake of the little ones who are listening to the story. So you probably know what I'm talking about. Anyway, if you want to know what I'm talking about, just ask her. All right, so you don't have credibility if you constantly correct people. In fact, you're rubbing them the wrong way. But if it's a big issue, then we need to address it in a very godly way, as we're talking about here. Okay, and we'll come to that. Overlooking is not the right choice. When in the following, apply. Damaging relationship with a person, okay? It's not overlooking. It's beyond overlooking when it's damaging your relationship. We're not talking about toothpaste anymore, okay? It's damaging your relationship. If it's hurting other people, you don't overlook those, okay? All right, if it's hurting the offender, herself or himself, also, not something you overlook. And if it's significantly dishonoring God, it's not something you overlook, all right? Now, notice that we haven't moved on to how to correct others yet. Notice here the mediation. This is when somebody comes alongside you. So mediation is having an objective person to come along and help explore solutions together, okay? So you got party A, you have party B, and then you have a neutral party, C, that comes together with them, different parties, at least two or more parties, and trying to find a workable solution together. Okay, that's mediation. That's what mediation is, all right? This is very biblical. Using an objective person to help explore solutions. Just to save time, I won't give you examples of those, but sometimes we do that within the church, and my role is the expectation that we do that. Okay, arbitration is more legal, where we appoint somebody to offer a legally binding decision, okay? But then let's go to accountability. This is something that's almost like a dirty word in Christianity this day in America, where who you think you are, tell me, whatever. It used to be that if something would happen, brokenness would happen because of sin, and let's say a marriage relationship, and the person who did whatever, a lot of times today, we choose not to do anything with that. And that is actually not biblical. That is escaping, right? Okay, we're not gonna really touch that because we're afraid that what will happen. So there's ways to navigate those troubled waters, but it does involve accountability, all right? This is something that may make us feel uncomfortable, but there are some horror stories that I'm not trying to stir anything up. I have no idea where people think or how you think here, but there's a pastor that I've been supporting through a nominating committee process, and you have people that are nominated that are living together, not married, or working on Sabbath, and we're not talking the health field. Things like that, and sometimes it's been a challenge for those pastors to navigate through that because some people support family relationships as well. But we have to have some accountability because if nothing matters, then we're really lost. It's love and approval are two different things, right? Love and approval are two different things, and sometimes people misunderstand what they are and when they come together and when they are different, okay? All right, so now we're talking about Matthew 7, where Jesus has a sermon on the mount, the greatest sermon ever preached. How can you say to get the speck of sawdust out of your brother's eye while you have a two-by-four coming out of your eye? First, get the two-by-four out of your eye before helping your brother remove the speck. This, of course, is a paraphrase, right? So before we're able to help someone else, we have to make sure that we are where we need to be with the Lord. Doesn't mean that we ignore things or we never address things, but it means that we're very careful when it comes to placing ourselves in a position where we are like this over someone else. That is not what God asks us to do, to come like this over somebody to correct like that. That's not the way he advocates. Okay, before we own, I'm sorry, before helping others own their part in the conflict, whatever or however small our part of the conflict, we must own that part 100%. So if it's just 2% that we bring to the conflict, in order to help the conflict, we must own that 2% fully. Now, let me tell you something a little secret. Pastor Dwight Nelson told me in front of Nellie when we were doing premarital counseling 20 years ago with him. He said, Brad, you're the husband. Now, some of you husbands may not like what I'm about to tell you, but I'm just quoting, paraphrasing. He said, Brad, you're the husband. Sometimes in your relationship, when you get married, you're gonna come to a point where you're not seeing eye to eye. You're gonna have conflict. It's just the way it is. You're two different people. And when you do that, you as the husband, you need to be the one that helps make the first step to help you go on a better path. So he said, like the logs in a river and a log jam and how they get all jammed up. And what do they do to help the log jam? They unlock it. They unlock it by taking a few of them out to let it be loosened up and everything. He said, you need to be the one that through your actions initially takes a few of those pieces, a few of those logs out so that things can start moving again downstream in your relationship. So he says the husband should do that. So that's not fair, is it? No, it's actually biblical. It's actually biblical. Ephesians five, it's actually biblical. Husbands, love your wives like Christ loved the church. So husbands, we need to take the first step when a conflict occurs to humble ourselves before our wives for those of us who are married. Same goes for us if we're single before other people. We should take the first step. Siblings, if you have siblings, if you're the oldest sibling, you really should take the first step to remove some of those logs that are locking it up to help it move forward. Afterwards, thoroughly and genuinely confess. And we're gonna talk about seven A's and a good confession. I'm gonna just go through this really quickly because somebody whispered to their brother that it's already lunchtime. All right, so number seven here. You see all seven here. And you can take a picture if you'd like, but I'm just gonna put it up on the screen. I'll just say it really fast. I'm not gonna go through them. But seven A's of a good confession. Address everyone involved. Avoid conditional words. Okay, well, I would do this if you don't, well, no, okay, avoid those. Admit specifically. Acknowledge the hurt. Accept the consequences. Alter your behavior. Ask for forgiveness. And you need to allow for time, okay? Because forgiveness is something that someone else goes through, and you cannot rush that, okay? So this is a very, I mean, all of these are important. All right? Forgiveness is a process. Yes, indeed, forgiveness is a process. It does not come just because you want things to be all hunky-dory again. All right, all right, so now that we've addressed the two by four in our own eye, then we can start to work to gently restore another person. Okay? So we're talking about the loving correction part. Again, as a reminder, we do not overlook some things. So we need to help others. We do need to help others when they're the following. Damaging a relationship with another person is hurting others, it's hurting the offender, it's significantly dishonoring God. What do we do? We follow Matthew 18. What is Matthew 18, the counsel Jesus gives us? He said, the overarching principle is start at the lowest level possible first. Go to that person first yourself. Lowest level possible, and then if that doesn't work, then you, you're right. So why do you not go to Facebook instead of doing the first step? On Facebook is damaging the relationship. Same thing like if you're in a church service and somebody did something that hurt you and you haven't gone to that person, you don't start attacking that person during a Sabbath school class or church board meeting, but that's not following what you just told us to do, right? Okay, now, I need a volunteer to read Galatians 6.1. This is so important. This is like, if you forget anything that we've talked about today, this is something that will help you remember the way to follow this. Okay, Galatians 6.1. How should you correct someone else? Brethren, if a man- Sorry, I wanna really make sure that people online hear this, because this is too good, we can't miss this. Galatians 6.1, thank you very much. Brethren, if a man- Is it on? Yep. Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such a one in spirit of meekness. There's so much in this one verse. Lest, okay. Considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Okay, there's so much here. But you notice the goal here is restoration. The goal is restoration, not to convince or persuade someone that you're right or they're wrong. The goal is restoration. When restoration is the goal, what kind of person should help a person when it's beyond the overlooking stage? It starts out in the beginning of that verse. Spiritual. Spiritual. So it needs to be a spirit-led person. A spiritual person. A spirit-led, holy spirit-led, okay? And then, in what manner should you correct a sister or a brother? Well, what- Fear and loathing. Whoa, meekness. Humility. This is why, when we don't follow this, people don't receive it well. But this is the counsel. And then it says, at the end, it says, you better be on your guard because you could be tempted yourself and fall, okay? So is that a relationship like this, a correction? Like, hey, I'm up here and you're down here? No, no, what is it? Somebody give me some hand signals. Help me out. Like this, right? I'm coming alongside you. You're my brother, you're my sister whom I love, and I want what's best for you. When someone that you know cares about you comes alongside you, then it's so much easier to receive, is it not? But if somebody just wants to be like this, that is not godly. But it is like this. This is the way of Jesus, this way of Jesus, right? Wow, just think about how Jesus works with people in scripture. He comes alongside people. I mean, he is God, but yet he comes alongside people. Surely, if God could come alongside people and not be like this, then we can also follow his example in coming alongside, being spirit-led, the spirit of meekness or humility. Lest we consider ourselves also tempted, okay? All right, so now, closing up here, forgiving, well, I should say closing up. I'm not quite there, but we'll be coming there soon. Remembering that, again, the true power behind reconciliation in a relationship is God's grace for us. It's the gospel in our own lives. That's the true power behind peacemaking. And it is radical to forgive someone. To not hold an offense against someone. It is absolutely radical, and it's something that comes with the power of God in our lives as we are opened up to him. You're not forgetting or excusing. Now, you're not saying, this didn't happen, or, oh, it's not really that big of a deal, okay? Again, we're not talking about overlooking issues. We're talking about real issues. You don't say, oh, it's not that big of a deal. No, no, it is a big deal, but God helped me to forgive this person what they did to me 40 years ago that is still harming me today. Why is that? It's because, here's the quote, some of you will really be blessed with today. Unforgiveness is the poison we drink hoping others will die. I have to say that again. Unforgiveness is the poison we drink hoping other people are going to get hurt by it. It doesn't prevent you from dealing with a recurring pattern of sin. If somebody's constantly bringing hurt, again, we're not talking about overlooking issues, but that has to be addressed. We're not excusing that. Forgiveness is not saying, it's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. Forgiveness is not saying it is acceptable that something is continuing to hurt them, hurt you, hurt others, whatever. It's not approving it. Forgiveness is not approving it. Again, true love is not the same thing as approving, because approving is not healthy for the people in the relationship, including the offender. All right, so I just want to share with you this video that's so impactful. This is an off-duty police officer who was coming home. This is a few years, I think 2019. Oh, several years back. She was coming home, and she saw someone in her home, what she thought was in her own home when she was coming to that residence. It was like an apartment complex. But she was, if I understand it correctly, she was one floor off. And then she shoots and kills his brother, who didn't do anything to her. So she was convicted, and now this is the sentencing phase where you have the impact statements and things like that, okay? I want you to listen to what the brother of the deceased says. I can speak for myself. I forgive you, and I know if you go to God and ask him, he will forgive you. And I don't think anyone can say, again, I'm speaking for myself, and I'm not even bad for my family, but I love you just like anyone else. And I'm not gonna say I hope you rise and die just like my brother did, but I personally want the best for you. And I wasn't that I would say this in front of my family or anyone, but I don't even want you to go to jail. I want the best for you. Because I know that's what, that's exactly what Bozeman wants you to do. And the best would be, give your life to Christ. I'm not gonna say anything else. I think giving your life to Christ would be the best thing that Bozeman wants you to do. Again, I love you as a person, and I don't wish anything bad on you. I don't know if this is possible, but can I give her a hug, please? Please? Yes. Yes, Paul. Thank you. Thank you. So I have a question for you. If we were experiencing the freedom and forgiveness that this man had on the sand, and obviously he has Christ in his life, do you think there'll be an empty pew here? I'm just saying, because the world, when they see this, they're like, I need that. So I'm here to tell you today that God wants to free you and wants you to be free from whatever hurt that you're still holding onto. And that when you forgive, God will set you free, and people will take notice. You yourself will be more free in your relationships with other people. Forgive to live. This is what Christ holds up to us. He doesn't want us to live as the world lives, with bitterness. He wants us to be free, and he will set you free. Let's pray. And Father in heaven, we've considered this, some of us are reminded this is not new information, but there's still some people that we need to forgive. We're still being injured. Lord, we're not gonna ask a prayer of you without asking for you to help us to do these things, because it's supernatural. It is radical to forgive people with the things they have done to us. But I'm praying that you will soften our hearts and help us to begin a process of starting to pray for those people who hurt us, and that we would also, in the process, be free ourselves. And may people be drawn to you as a result of the great love that we have for others that we radically love, loving unconditionally. Thank you, Lord, for this opportunity you've given us to lead in this way. In Jesus' name, amen. With this in mind, let us sing of Jesus' love for us. 321, my Jesus, I love you. ♪ Amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen ♪ ♪ Amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen ♪ Amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen ♪ Amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen Amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen Amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen амін amin