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Lawrence, Ciara, Joel, Chloe, and Emily discuss with their interviewees how they maintain their friendships outside of college while balance their own everyday lives.
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Lawrence, Ciara, Joel, Chloe, and Emily discuss with their interviewees how they maintain their friendships outside of college while balance their own everyday lives.
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The main ideas from this information are: - The importance of actively maintaining relationships outside of school - Phatic labor and its relation to maintaining connections - The need to step out of one's comfort zone to build relationships - The importance of developing relationships for support and personal/professional growth - The traits and qualities that come with maintaining a friendship - How maintaining friendships promotes positive mental health - The difference in maintaining friendships while dorming - The potential for lifelong friendships made in college Good morning, good evening, whenever you're listening to this professor or anyone else. My name is Lawrence Anderson. I'm here with Joelle, Emily, Chloe, and Sarah. Our topic is the process of maintaining relationships outside of John Jay. And in my personal opinion, I would say the best way to do so is by actively hanging out with your friends or trying to attend social events that are happening within school. And one concept that can be related to this is phatic labor, because in such ways, you have to actually work to maintain the connections and to build connections that can help support you in the long run. Lawrence mentioned phatic labor, and I'll just give it like a brief description of what it is. It's kind of just like the work of managing diverse channels of social relations, often like involving background, just interacting with people in general. Pretty much. To add on to what Chloe was saying, the key factor of phatic labor is socializing, and that relates back to maintaining friendships outside of school, because in order to maintain friendships, you have to speak with the person and communicate with them often. I agree. And in order to build relationships in general, you have to step out of your comfort zone sometimes. You have to take the risk of talking to someone brand new that you never in a million years would think you were going to speak to, because the other option is you're going to be lonely, and no one wants to be lonely, especially in college. And throughout the interviews we conducted, it was evident that it's important to develop relationships with people in order to have a support system where it becomes easier to create connections in school and even in the real world. With these connections, there's even a chance to build on your personal and even professional life. Aiyana, can you tell us a little bit about yourself? I'm a sophomore at John Jay, I major in criminal justice. I am a freelance photographer outside of John Jay, and I do also have my culinary degree. You do? Yes. Legit? Yes. What do school friendships mean to you, and in your opinion, would you deem them as, the ones that you have right now, are they deemed as surface level, or could you see these relationships building on further into adult life? I mean, it's a mixed bias, because I've had surface level friendships within college, and I've also had deeper connections. For me, I do have my set friend group within John Jay that I created with friends that I made in high school, as well as people that I just met overall on campus. So they could be surface level, it could be a high and high on campus, or it could be something a little bit deeper, depending on how each person puts into the relationship. Okay, so I guess I'll start off with another question. Does your environment promote healthy relationships? Being a commuter, just like, I guess. Yeah, it does, because I feel like it allows people to meet outside of John Jay, but even within the school, like having friendships there. Because I commute, I have friends that live in Harlem, I have friends that live in the Bronx, I have friends that live in Long Island, so I make it my business to go out of my way and go see them and they'll do the same thing for me. It also just allows us to explore other places where you're bound to meet other people. Like, for example, I had one to Central Park with my friends about a week ago. We ran into a group of people and we just got cool with them and now I'm doing a photoshoot for them next week. That's valid, that's valid. What are some traits and qualities that come in maintaining a friendship? Intermission break. I view my friendship as something very deep. The first question you asked if it was a surface level, I said it ranges, but within my actual friends, rather than acquaintances, I do hold my friends to a certain standard. And I do put them on pedestals because I don't necessarily look at them as my friends. I treat my friends like my family, almost like all my siblings. So for me, what traits that I look for in a friend is someone who's just very blunt and honest with me. I don't necessarily like to have people that won't tell me the truth about myself. Like, if we can sit and have a real conversation about things that we're doing wrong and we don't take it to offense, that's a real friendship. If you're taking it to offense and being defensive, you're not going to get anywhere. As well as just being more open to doing things, trying things. Going out, having a good time, being able to merge in with your family, merge in with other friends, going out, doing certain things. So I would say those are my main traits. And also just being a kind person. I don't like bitter people. I don't like to deal with people that just always have something negative to say. I kind of want to hear something positive and just people that you can learn from. That's a big, major factor. If you don't have friends where you can have a conversation on a deeper scale, like below the iceberg. Below? I'm talking about down low! Yeah. That's it. So how does maintaining friendships from school, outside of school, promote positive mental health? I would say for me, the way I maintain my friendships that I made in school, up outside of school, is just by doing simple things. Like having them over to my house, introducing them. We'll go to games on campus. We'll go to certain events. We kind of make it our business to be more interactive with everything that's going on. And as well as just doing stuff outside of school. Like we'll find a little pop-up market and we'll be like, alright, we can go during community hour or go after school. Me and my friends, we have a thing where we go out to eat at least once a month to get, you know, a little gag. We do our little big bag activities. We like to get rolled ice cream. Big bag, big bag. What are your feelings while hanging out with your friends versus after hanging out with your friends? Before, I mean, I don't know. I'm very neutral because if I'm being very, like, transparent, I'm with my friends all the time because I kind of have, you know, I could never say that I've ever necessarily felt alone because I've always kind of just had my people with me. So before, it's like I'm more on a neutral basis. When I'm with them, I'm super, like, in sync and in turn. Yep. Very much. And I just feel like I'm in a more positive energy. Like if I'm hanging out with my friends, I feel like I'm in a more positive energy. I feel like I'm in a more positive energy. And after, you know, like, I feel very calm. And I think that's a major thing to have within a friendship, like people that are able to uplift you and make you calm towards the end of the day. And after, you know, like, I feel very calm. And I think that's a major thing to have within a friendship, like people that are able to uplift you and make you calm towards the end of the day. And after, you know, like, I feel very calm. And I think that's a major thing to have within a friendship, like people that are able to uplift you and make you calm towards the end of the day. Wait, which is the first one to answer? Oh, the dorm one. I'm going to do the dorm one. Wait, we have to say the question. How would you think maintaining friendships would be different if you were dorming? How would you think maintaining friendships would be different if you were dorming? I'm a native New Yorker. I was born and raised here. I'm a native New Yorker. I was born and raised here. So I do feel like it would affect me in some sense where it's like, okay, like I'm meeting people that obviously didn't live in New York. So I do feel like it would affect me in some sense where it's like, okay, like I'm meeting people that obviously didn't live in New York. Well, we have like our little own cup of tea. But I also think about like you're going to be introduced to so many different people, so many different souls, personalities. And it's a really big thing to take into consideration. Like I have a friend that attends here. She is also a sophomore at John Jay. Her name is Hannah. Hannah lives all the way in Arizona. And she said when she came here, it was like a factory reset. Like everything was different out here. And then I had, there's a girl in my class that, she's from Spain. She doesn't really understand like the New York culture. And I kind of find it interesting like introducing her to new spots around New York. So I feel like if I were to dorm, one, it would kind of make me like treat these people kind of like family. Where it's like, okay, we live together and we're going to be in the same thing. We're going to have like certain disagreements and certain things. So it all depends on the maturity level of each person. But I think if I were to dorm, my level of friendship would probably increase in a deeper connection. Because it's like I'm with you a majority of the time. It's like living with your parents. You have a relationship with your parents. You have a relationship with your siblings. These people eventually become those people in different forms. Would you say you've made like some lifelong friends in John Jay? Yes. Indeed. I'm a fucking oopsy. We'll cut that out. Yes. Yes, indeed. I definitely do because for starters, I kind of came into John Jay already knowing people because I knew seniors that went here and they introduced me to their people. As well as just me making friends on my own, like in this room currently, I had Lawrence and Naomi. It's funny because I knew Lawrence since I was 12 years old, but we didn't speak up until college. And this is like one of my lifelong friends. I've had him over to family parties. I've had crying sessions with Lawrence. Like he's seen me at Milo's and then Naomi. Naomi was my first like literal best friend in college. We met on Instagram and our first time meeting was literally getting IDs together. And we've been together ever since. With those friendships, it comes a lot. Like a lot of things to build up to it and developing that connection. But that kind of plays into part with the rest of the questions. You have to do multiple things to maintain these friendships. They're not just something that you should consider being with if you really want to benefit from it. Would you say with some of these relationships, would you incorporate them into a family dynamic? A family level of just spending or being? Yeah, 100%. I'm going to read out the question into two different perspectives. I have brought my friends around my family for the simple fact that I'm blessed to have cousins around my age group. Between the ages of 18 to 23. And we're all just a bunch of big friends. And I like to bring my friends into my family and kind of incorporate them into family parties. And then I'm also going to look at it separating my actual family from them. I look at my friends. Like my siblings. Like I take them very wholeheartedly. These are people I genuinely care for. It's not something that I hold to like a low level. So I kind of treat them all like my brothers and my sisters. Like my friend Justin, for example. Me and him, we became friends a little short after we graduated high school. And me and him, we developed a friendship so close that we're nearly like siblings. Like when I know I'm having a really hard time getting past something, I can rely on him. And I feel like our entire friend group kind of treats us that way. Like we make sure that everyone is straight at the end of the day because we care. And that's something that plays into why we have a healthy college friendship. And I don't really look at it like that. Like I don't want to just label it as a college friendship. It's someone that I consider like my family. Good evening, Kateri. What grade are you in? I'm a freshman. I'm a freshman. Okay. Perfect. Are you transferring or have you been here? I've been here. Okay. Perfect. How would you rate your experience so far as a transfer? Like out of 10? Yeah. I would give it like a good 7 out of 10. Yeah, I've had a good time. Have you made like a set group of friends? Yes. Okay. Do you also like talk to your classmates outside or just inside class? Some of them outside of class. Most of them I only talk to in class. But some of them I speak to outside of class as well. Okay. Have you ever hung out with your friends outside of class? Like outside of John Jay as well? Yes. Okay. Can you give us an instance or like a specific moment? Yeah. I invited a couple of friends from my little group to hang out at my dorm a couple of times. And I've been to a couple of my friends' house for dinner and things like that. I'm going to ask you this first question. What do friendships in school mean to you? I guess they mean like having a certain level of comfort in school. Having people that I know I'm comfortable being around. And also... I don't know. I guess they give me like stability here and like reason to come to school a lot of the time. So you're saying they're, you know, more than just... You're saying they're more than just surface level friendships? Yeah. I would say so. I mean, okay. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. You mentioned your dorm. Yes. I do. How does dorming promote healthy relationships? I think in a way it gives me like the availability to be like close to my friends. As well as like I have like little events and stuff in my building that like promote healthy relationships. It gives us time to hang out outside of classes and outside of Sunday. So how might hanging outside of school strengthen school bonds? Having that time outside of school like gives time to like get to know people better. I think like when you just talk to people in school, it's pretty baseline. Like pretty like just like, oh, how are your classes? Things like that. But when you hang out outside of school, it creates more of like a solid relationship, I think. So since you dorm, did you feel like you had to make friends? Or was that something like sort of scary for you? It was definitely scary for me. I didn't know if I was gonna be able to make friends when I came here. I already had some friends that I met at like Accepted Students Day and things like that. But yeah, I did feel like I had to make friends just to like stay connected. And also like make me want to continue going here. So to feel comfortable. Yeah, absolutely. In your opinion, or just like you in general, like what would be like your ideal hangout session or like a day with you and your friends? I like to hang out in the morning. So I like to like go get breakfast or go get Dunkin' or whatever. And then like go to a park or go thrifting. I don't know. I just like to be out and about. But I also enjoy like having hangouts over dinner or like literally just to like be in each other's presence. It can be fun as well. It can feel a little, you know, like, oh let's go to the park and have like a picnic. Yeah, exactly. Let's go enjoy a nice brunch or something. Yeah. For real. Because I also enjoy that. Would you say like being here, like the friends that you've made, like they keep you in good moods. Like if you're having a bad day, like you immediately be like, okay, I can talk to this person. Or like, okay, this person might give me good advice about what I'm dealing with. Yeah, absolutely. I think I've had instances with people who make me feel the opposite. But mostly, yes. I think like the people that I can picture like staying in my life, yes, I've had moments where I feel like I can go to them and they'll uplift me or, yeah, keep me in good moods. So would you say like some of these people, like you could see them like in the long term, like in your life. Like, you know, like, oh, I'm getting married. Here's this person from college. Or like, oh, like, you know, just things like that. Yeah, I don't see like, I don't see myself falling out of contact with a couple of my friends that I've made here. And we've talked about, you know, dumb stuff. Like, oh, I can see you as like my bridesmaid or whatever. But yeah, I think I've built some like very strong connections here. That's cute. I love that for you. Thank you so much. Trying to think here. So what are some characteristics of those friendships that make you think, oh, they're going to be lifelong? I think people who are like reliable and trustworthy, like people who are easy to be around, as well as like people who, like you said in one of the previous questions, like keep you like uplifted. Like, I think everybody has like their bad days, but people who like constantly drag you down aren't people who are going to be in your life forever. So, yeah, I think, yeah, people who are like kind and understanding, but also like keep you in a good mood and understand your different moods, I guess. So are you going back home for spring break? Yes, I am. Yes, I am. While on spring break, how do you intend on maintaining friendships here? I mean, I just intend on like staying in contact, like, well, obviously, but like texting and like from social media and stuff. It's not that long. So I'm not worried about it. You're not going to what? Oh, trust me. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Don't I know it. Don't I know it. Yeah. No, but I think it's fine. I'm coming back like the weekend before we come back to school. So I think it'd just be like, you know, FaceTiming, texting and things like that. Check in. Yeah. Maybe buzzing. Ask like when school's like completely done, like in the summer. Okay, yeah. Come back now. Oh, we're ready. I didn't hit pause. Oh, okay. Are you going home for summer break? I am not. Ooh. No, I got a job as like a RA, a summer RA. Oh, at the New Yorker? Not at the New Yorker. Well, it's under the same educational housing services, but I'm going to the East Village. So it's actually right where I work. So it's perfect. So while you're here. Okay. While you're here. While you're here. In the summer, because there's no school, how do you intend on maintaining friendships during the summer? I think just like making time for my friends, which like I've always done, but I'm going to like make sure that I'm able to see people and also like, you know, social media and texting and calling and things like that. But I think the biggest thing would just be like making time in my schedule to see them as much as possible. So, you know, maybe you can discuss a little bit about your background. Yeah, sure. So I dorm in the New Yorker because my family lives in Delaware. We're originally from like a little bit outside of Philly, but once I moved to New York, my family moved to Delaware. Yeah, I'm like one of 11 kids. Damn. I went to high school at Unionville High School in Kennett Square, Pennsylvania. What made you want to come to John Jay? It was really the forensic psychology program for me in the major. I really liked forensics and psychology separately as courses, which I took in high school. So once I found out that there was like a major that goes into like both of them, I thought that would be a good idea. And then also my sister lives in New York. We've always been like attached to the hips. So it was just a good idea for me to be here with her as well. Smart, smart. Thank you so much. You mentioned that you lived in Delaware. So how do your friendships differ from Delaware to New York? I would say like the humor is very different as well as... I mean the connections are going to be different just because I grew up with my friends from Delaware. But here these are people that I've just met in like the past year or a little more than a year. But I would just say like it's a different... They're very different kinds of people. Yeah. So who do you like more, New Yorkers or people from Delaware? What would you classify Delaware people as? I wasn't going to say that, but I didn't want to sound stupid. Who's better, New Yorkers or people from Delaware? You know, they're both good in their own ways. No, I'm just telling you what I think. Whatever your opinion is, whatever your opinion is, of course. Bro. Wait. Thank you for your time, Kateri. And your honest answers... Why are you laughing? We're going to keep it in because it's giving a character. Exactly. I'm sorry. Once again, thank you for your time, Kateri. And your honest answers... I hope you continue to make life... I hope you continue to make life long friends. Hi, John Jay. And honestly, good luck in the summer. Good luck. Thank you. Thank you so much. Dying it all together, Iona... Wait, is that how you say it? Iona. Iona. Dying it all together, Iona and Kateri have very different experiences in their everyday life, but can agree that making friendships with and John Jay have helped them develop a support system that will allow them to maneuver through their everyday lives and continue those friendships way beyond college.
