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Talk: 19990324-Larry_Rosenberg-UNK-shining_the_light_of_death_on_life_part_7-43039 Leandra Tejedor.json Start_time: 01:29:00 Display_question: Is part of non-attachment when something changes? Is it just being with grief, instead of trying to hold on to the thing, as it is? Keyword_search: nonattachment, grief, death, monk, love, appreciation, gratitude, dharma practioner, allowing, self-pity, honesty Question_content: Questioner: I have a question. Is part of non-attachment, when something changes? I mean, I could imagine feeling a sense of grief, even if I've sort of been fully enjoying something, to see it pass. Is it just being with grief instead of trying to hold on to the thing as it is? Larry: I believe exactly, it would be fully grieving. So, let's say, probably everyone in this room is, probably most or all of us have lost people. People have died. Lost. And they haven't lost them, passed away. They died. So, let's say what comes up. Let's say if someone pricks you, you bleed, no matter how much you've been meditating. Now, there may be some people who are so deeply… one of my teachers maintained this about himself. I felt a little distrustful of it. His teacher, he loved, he studied with him for 20 years. And he said at first, he used to worry when he was a young monk, that what will happen, when my teacher dies. I'll be alone. He had become like his father. Break_line: But then he kept practicing, and practicing, and practicing. When the time finally came, which was about 20 or more years, and his teacher died, it wasn't so painful. He just felt this very quiet, but deep appreciation, and love, and gratitude. And he took care of the funera,l and so forth. Now, I don't know if he's fully in touch with himself, but let's say it's possible. Most of us, most human beings I know, including people called masters, when someone dies, they feel it. So, it's not to make you have a stereotype feeling. Break_line: If you're a Dharma practitioner, when someone dies, you must not feel that loss. It's to be honest with what you're feeling. But now, let's say someone dies, who you love, and then the grieving process is one that's very easy to botch up. Sometimes what we call grieving, we're not fully allowing, the hurt, to come to the surface, to fully express itself, and then, in a sense, to flower, to really come to its fullness, and then to wither, and fall away. So instead, it's pinched off and broken. We fight with it a little bit here, then we pull back, then we identify with it, and we get into self-pity. Poor me. The grieving I'm talking about is pure. It's a pure sense of loss, and pain. So yes, it's what you said. We're not trying to program you. It's more learning how to be. It's training in honesty, really. It's training and honesty with what you are actually experiencing, not what you should be experiencing. Does that? Questioner: Yes Larry: Good. End_time: 01:22:41
