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Talk: 2016-03_02 Learning How to Live in Real Time_ Reflections on the Buddha's Bhaddekaratta Sutta 1.json Start_time: 01:10:57 Display_question: Can you speak about how to manage the frustrations of family not understanding the value of letting go of the past? Keyword_search: practice, present, letting go, past, family, professor, parents, sister, mindfulness-based stress reduction, Buddhism, Buddha, resentment, relationship, practice in action, calm, steady, reaction, silence, energy Question_content: Questioner: I just had a question about practice. So I can see the value of just focusing on the present, and letting go of the past. Not I'm not that good at it, but I can see the value. But what do you do when you feel that everyone around you doesn't see the value? Like, I can just think of family situations where we have to lament everything that ever went wrong, in the past five years, where it's like, I just want to avoid having dinner with family, at this point. Are there any tactics that you have for the people, who don’t see the value? Larry: How do you think it is…look, maybe it's hopeless. I agree with you. Next. No, I'm just kidding. Look, I've devoted. I was a professor. I dropped out. I've devoted the last almost 40 years to this stuff, and I'm immersed. Like, my sister thought I went insane. My parents thought I went insane. And the people who know that now, it's in. When I started, why would anyone want to do this? Why would you leave a university career, et cetera. Now mindfulness is in, mindfulness-based stress reduction. Being in the present, it's in it's a growth industry, right? Magazines. And it's everywhere. Okay, so people are okay, I guess he wasn't too stupid. Maybe he picked up something. But still, most people in my life, almost all, not the people I know who are doing this stuff. A lot of them are close friends, but not all of them are, and certainly family. My sister still does not have a clue. Now, when we would get together, because I love my sister, but we don't have that much in common. And what I learned was, don't try to peddle this stuff to anyone. Questioner: Yeah, they don't listen, Larry: Don't sell Buddhism. Be a Buddha. Don't try to, because it doesn't work. And what I learned was… I started to resent... this is some years ago, that I'm always asking her questions about herself, and her family, and her two children. And now she has grandchildren, and her husband. But she doesn't ever ask me about myself. But then it took me a while, when I realized the reason she doesn't, is that she doesn't know what to ask. She doesn't have a clue as to what I'm doing. And it's just she tried. She really tried. And so, I've had to work on my resentment. Sort of like, your sister is not the least she's interested in you. She loves you, but she doesn't know what the buppada, buppada, bup you're doing and so that…what you have to do is…this might help? It's not going to...I don't know of a perfect solution. Maybe there's some teachers who do. You have reactions. Right. Break_line: Relationship is a very rich practice. But maybe the most difficult one. Even more difficult than sitting, more difficult than staying awake for one week, which is like brut strength and will. That means, let's say someone, whoever you have in mind, starts repeating the same old complaining, whining and so forth, and you feel a reaction, become aware of it. That's the practice in action. In action. Now, what tends to happen, as you get better at that, and at first you won't be able to do it, because the conditioning is so powerful, and the urge to…. you'll be fed up, and so tired of hearing it. See that? See how tired you are of hearing it. See how frustrated, but just gently, allow it to flower. Do you see what I'm getting at? Questioner: Yes Larry: And then it withers away. And what replaces it is a much more calm, clear, steady place. And I don't know what would come out of it. It might be silence. It might be…you might even say the same things, you normally would say. But the energy would be different. It's not the energy of a reaction, which has a lot of me in it, and judging in it. And I don't know what would come out of it. But it might be wiser and kinder. It might be. So, but that means again, the Buddha is always throwing the ball back to you. Okay. Do you see what I mean? Questioner: I do. Thank you. End_time: 01:15:01
