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Talk: 20060303-Larry_Rosenberg-IMSRC-learning_how_to_live_self_knowing_in_action_part_4-4628 Leandra Tejedor.json Start_time: 00:39:00 Display_question: How do you relate to people in your life who don't practice meditation? Keyword_search: meditator, non-meditators, wife, Russian, Soviet Union, Buddhist, Dharma, relationships, suffering, IMS, reactions, brother-in-law, immigrant, Time magazine, Newsweek, brain Question_content: Questioner: (inaudible) How do you relate to people who don't practice that you know? Larry: You mean the world? Most of the world. Questioner: No. Not a stranger. It's almost easier to tell a stranger, you know I went on a retreat, and a lot of people know about meditation. People that you know they might ask you what you did. Larry: I understand. I'm an expert on this subject. One of the world's leading… Michael's another. We all are, because that's mostly… if you keep meditating, then part of what we have to learn is, how to live in a world of non-meditators. And even making that distinction is a mistake. They're just human beings living here, all trying in their own way. But let me be more concrete. I'll be personal. My wife doesn't meditate. She's from another culture. She's a political emigrate from the Soviet Union. So, she speaks with a thick Russian accent. I'm vegetarian and a health faddist. She eats meat, and some smelly Russian fish, and both inhabit the refrigerator now, peacefully, they live together. Originally it was like, what have I gotten myself into? She likes to shop. She loves it. And she was very deprived in the Soviet Union. I take pleasure in helping or whatever small ways I can, and saying like you. But the consumer society that's killing it, you know, like going down shopping, and all that, and I say, yeah, it makes her happy. But that doesn't sound very Buddhist or Dharmic. Break_line: Okay, what I've seen over the years, like with relationships, it's very common for one partner to be a meditator, and one not. I would say it's very extremely common, maybe the dominant pattern. But it doesn't have to be a problem, if you respect the non-meditator’s right to not meditate, leave them alone. And if they can respect your right, I don't know if it's an intimate relationship, but it's in general I'm speaking about, their right to both respect each other, then it has a good chance of working, in an intimate relationship. If it isn't often, it's something else that's off. It isn't about meditation or non-meditation, which is being used as a political football. So, you have to look carefully. Now let's say we enlarge it, throw away I’m a…you see… Break_line: By the way, Dharma students are usually more intolerant than the non-meditator. It's a fact, because we have this new thing that we've discovered, and it's very easy to feel superior, because look how they suffer so unnecessarily, these poor people. You know I just came back from a retreat at IMS, you ought to think about going, I have a few brochures. Would you like it? There’s a website? And look maybe they're even happier than you are. And especially if it's those of you who are new to this. There’s a romantic phase, where suddenly you're born into something fantastic, and that passes. It's a marathon is what I'm saying. And it takes stamina, and it takes a long enduring mind. It's like living itself. It's not easy to be a human being. Forget about meditation. Break_line: I just want to make sure that, so attitude is very, very important. And mostly if you study your reactions. I had tremendous problems, with my immediate family, and that was the battleground for me. That's where I learned. Just picture working class immigrant, gets an advanced degree, becomes a professor at prestigious universities, and after ten years, drops out, to do this stuff. Can you imagine what my poor family, my immigrant hardworking parents, to help me all these years, and my sister, my brother-in-law, they thought I literally went insane. I'm not using it as a metaphor. And I defended myself, at first. I was angry. Why don't they understand and support me? And it's difficult, but can't you see that I'm so high minded? This is a noble endeavor, the liberation, blah, blah, blah. Once I stopped that, and I understood them, they love me, and they want the best for me, and they can't grasp this. But the times have changed now. It's more and more okay, to do this stuff. It's appearing in Time magazine, Newsweek, we find out it's good for the brain. And there's a light in the brain here. So now it's okay. It's okay. It is, yeah, please. But you have to work on yourself. The world isn't going to change, or you're going to have a hard time, you'll use it to isolate yourself, which is not what it's meant to be. We're all just people. Break_line: I'll give you another example, because this is an important one. I live on a street, and there are certain kinds of small talk I've never been good at. And now, for the first time in my life, I live on a street. It's like a neighborhood street, near our center, in Cambridge. Michael and Narayan, live down the street. And I'm getting to know my neighbors. They're not necessarily big meditators, to put it mildly. And the main conversation is, warm enough for ya? Cold enough for ya? And I hear it, don't get too comfy. It's going to freeze up tomorrow. And at first, I felt like, let's talk about the nature of reality. It's sort of like, okay, I love it now, and I engage in conversations, and it's sincere. It wasn't at first. It's sincere. And I realized, we do our best, and they're good people. And in fact, in one case, it went from weather for months. It went to our mutual experience, of being in the military. And I found this person has some real depth, and intelligence, and their perceptions of military life were really quite something. So, it took learning on my part. We're all just human beings. Don't get highfalutin, just because you sit on a cushion, quietly for a week. End_time: 00:45:42
