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Talk: 2011-07_24 The Way Of The Breath - Anapanasati as a complete meditation practice. #7.json Start_time: 00:51:14 Display_question: I have insight into a habit of distancing myself from people, how do I transform that? Keyword_search: silence, stories, projections, relationships, consciousness, mind state, fear, suffering, meditation, dharma practice, relationship as mirror, conditioning, reacting, awareness, liberated identification, energy Question_content: Questioner: You may have just spent the last hour answering this, but I may just be having trouble operationalizing it. So, the silence has really allowed a great opportunity to see my own stories, and projections, much deeper. Larry: Well, if you see your own stories, that takes you to the silence. One of the reasons we're not in touch with silence, is that we're interested in the stories. There's no room for the silence. Now, once that calms down a bit, and you start tasting the silence, and more, and more, becomes a normal aspect, of being alive. Nothing special. Its just humans have that capability. Will you be more able to see your stuff? Yes. Questioner: So, my specific question is that I came in touch with a very specific thing, that really has kept me distant from people, and having harsh relationships, with people. And what I'm concerned is that in a month, now that I have this insight, but I don't find a way to transform it. Larry: Yeah, you see, from this point of view, the problem is you're trying to get rid of it. And actually, there isn't a need for new instructions, whatever that is. It's an occurrence. Right? It appeared in consciousness. It's a mind state, isn't it? It's accompanied by the body. They always are…but it's some kind of mind state, that is getting between you, and people, and not in a way that's skillful. I'm just translating what you said, into this. Okay, so if and when, that comes up, the practice here is to come to know it. It's not to try to shoot it down, or push it away, or replace it with its opposite, but to allow that. And now, sometimes what that does is, it takes you to its source. It might be fear. It might be a certain wound you have from childhood, where you're not trust… I don't know. I'm making stuff up. I'm not psychic. It's not about you. It's just about all of us. And people learning, makes the practice much more interesting, keeps it fresh, rather than it's so easy to get mechanical. Break_line: And many of us are emotionally exhausted from our life. And you come to a meditation. Just tell me what to do. Don't talk about inquiry, investigation, exploration. All right. In, out. In, out. That I like. In, out. In, out, in. Just open up and explore. I don't like that. That sounds like work. What's work is how we're living now. Fighting things, denying them, and so forth. So, what you would do, is the same instructions. It's not anything special. Now don't make silence into something that you got to strive to get, because then it becomes another form of suffering. Just be with what's there. So, you don't need new instructions. It's the same instructions. So, if it turns up, whether during sitting or in life, in fact that's where relationship, can be such a powerful dharma practice. Break_line: Let's say you're in the presence of a person, and you feel this, you know it right? You're beginning to get to know it. Okay, that's a good start. You're seeing how it…. what it does, and you're not so thrilled about that. It's to some degree interfering with full living. I hope I'm not overdoing it. Okay, so let's say you're with a person who exemplifies that, and then while you're talking to them, with relationship is a mirror, because you'll feel a reaction, and you might see this mechanism go right at work, in the moment, that you're with them. And it takes practice. But you can learn how to be with another person, without losing touch with your inner life. You have to want to learn it. Because typically, we get lost either in the other person, or we're just answering, and reacting, from conditioning. Same old mind, just good conditioning. People like you, you're a nice person, bad conditioning, you're in prison. You get liberated by, not by trying to free yourself from it, but by trying to see, and understand it. And when awareness touches it, then you're not identifying with it. Identification gives it energy, and keeps it alive. If you fight it, you're keeping it alive if you get drowned in it. Break_line: In other words, you don't know it, and its operating, and getting between you, and another person. It loves that, that's nourishment, but what it hates is the light of awareness, and you see it, and it starts to get weaker. And sometimes in one interaction, the understanding goes more deeply, and it applies to more relationships, than just that one. But in other words, don't get ahead of yourself. It's the same old practice. And the breath accompanying you, can help you, because if it's a difficult state, one of the virtues of the breath is, it's like a good friend. It's as you breathe in, and breathe out. You're aware of this blockage, whatever you want to call it. Do the words make sense? Good. End_time: 00:56:23
