Q3-20150909-Larry_Rosenberg-CIMC-dharma_talk-31357

Talk: 2015-09_09 Dharma Talk.json Start_time: 01:14:33 Display_question: How can I help my father to not get caught up in reliving the past and experiencing regret? Keyword_search: father, retirement, past, meditation, Dunkin Donuts, Buddhism, Buddha, wife, meditator, suffering Question_content: Questioner: I have a very wonderful father, who is a few years your junior, but quite close in age. And I think for him, having more time now, and being in a state of retirement, has been very challenging. There's a lot of going back to the past, and all the things he didn't do, and stopping work too early. Larry: Yes. Questioner: And he makes many of the same remarks that you do, but without the same kind of lightness, or playfulness, when it comes to... Larry: Does he have a meditation practice? Questioner: No. Larry: Yeah. Look, probably most of the human race, we do our best. We want to be happy, unless some people are something off, dysfunctional. But most of us do want happiness. And most of us, if we retire, and got a lot of purpose, and meaning from our work, and if there isn't some sense of purpose, and meaningfulness. in what they're doing, then… my father had the same problem. But this should be about you. See, I can't help your father. How is that affecting you? Questioner: So the...I should also say, he gets up real early, and goes to Dunkin' Donuts, so that's about the closest he… Larry: He goes to where? Questioner: He gets up real early, and goes to Dunkin' Donuts, so that's like the closest he gets to a meditation. I think, but… Larry: Those are the good old days. I can't do that anymore. Questioner: The question is more so when I'm with him. There's a natural temptation, to sort of try to share some of the insights, that I've heard other people talk about from these practices, or that I've noticed, but I don’t feel as if… Larry: Does it work? Questioner: No Larry: Of course not. How do I put this? Don't teach Buddhism. Be a Buddha. In other words, no one wants to hear your guff. They don't want to hear this stuff. Always your Dad. You should learn to get a new skill. There's a… colleges have… you go back to this CI, whatever it's called. But you can be, I don't know what you should do, but there may be limits to what you can do. Scratch out maybe. You can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. Break_line: Look, I have… with my wife, who's not a meditator. There are sometimes I've had to learn how... okay, there's suffering that she goes through, where if she had my practice, this practice, she wouldn't have to suffer that way. And I've tried to awaken her to all the beauty, of what I know, and she doesn't want any part of it. So, I've learned, she has her own way, and the best thing I can do, is how I am, which does help her. Do you see what I'm getting at? So does it upset you? It must, because that's what prompts your question. You love your father, and you don't like seeing what's happening to him. Right. Okay. That's what your practice is with, regarding this. And then that will enable the mind, to be at least a little bit more clear, so that however you are with him, is probably going to be, wiser and kinder. I don't know the content of how it will be. Questioner: Thank you. Larry: Yeah. Can't offer more than that. End_time: 01:18:08