The Happiness Killer (Long-Term Suffering)

In this episode of the Masterfesto podcast, the host Isabel Elias discusses the topic of suffering and how it is a part of being human. She explains that suffering is not personal, but a result of our DNA and the struggles our ancestors faced. She emphasizes that trying to avoid or control suffering only leads to more suffering. Instead, she suggests choosing happiness and practicing actions that bring joy, such as setting goals, recalling happy memories, and expressing gratitude. Isabel also discusses the importance of controlling our emotions, particularly anger and worry, and provides tips for managing them. Ultimately, she encourages listeners to change their attitude and take control of their minds to find peace and joy in the midst of suffering. Welcome to the Masterfesto podcast. Get ready to be inspired as you get all the tools and secrets on how to master your mind by the mental master herself. She's a speaker, inspirational coach, and author. Here's your host, Isabel Elias, the Queen of Inspiration. I have a lot of suffering going on these days. One of my clients said, my suffering is like grief that seems to have set in my chest. You see, mostly we suffer because we feel lack of control. There are very few things, almost none, in our life that we can control. So we suffer a lot since we have little to no control over what's happening around us. Take a look at your life and think about what you can control. Can you control the weather? What about other people? Do you have control over your destiny or death? See, there is little to nothing that you and I can control. Mostly, we are at the mercy of everything around us. And if we try to take control, like control over people or situations, we will probably lose. And at the end, all we've done is suffer in the process. And suffering hits you on the blind side. You made these big life plans with a clear vision and a strong intention. You put all your faith and money into these plans. And then, without warning, a pandemic hits and your world shuts down. So you say, Isabel, it's just not fair. Well, you're right. It's not fair. And then you ask yourself, Well, why does God have us struggle and suffer? And some suffer more than others. But everyone has their own suffering. The Buddha faced his own suffering directly and discovered the path to liberation. Words from the Buddha. Don't run away from things that are unpleasant in order to embrace things that are pleasant. Put your hands in the earth. Face the difficulties and grow new happiness. Here's the thing you need to know about suffering. It's in our DNA. Our ancestors, thousands of years ago, had a hard time surviving. Think about it. No car, no central heating, no air conditioning, no technology, no Uber, no Taco Bell. Oh, my God, no TV and no cell phone. All they did was struggle to stay alive. All of that struggling and suffering became genetic. Now, for the most part, we struggle and suffer needlessly. It's in our DNA. If you want to blame someone for your suffering, blame your ancestors. Stop blaming yourself or your immediate family. Give it up. It's part of being human. And it started way before you and I were born. As a matter of fact, we were born into a suffering world. We were born into a suffering world. Really, really get that. Now, this should make you angry. This should make you laugh. Will it ever go away? Will we ever stop suffering? No. But what if I medicate every day? No. What if I do daily affirmations? No. What if I try my best to be a good person and contribute to my community, my country, the world? No. We try so hard to avoid it. Now, trying to avoid it will just make you suffer more. Trying to control it will make it worse. Suffering is not personal, even when it feels personal. I'm going to say this again. This is a golden nugget. Suffering is not personal, even if it feels personal. Suffering is just part of being human. You say, but I don't want to suffer. Okay. Not wanting to suffer isn't going to take it away. Just let it in, and it will free you up. I promise. Listen, you can be happy, joyful, and even free, even when you're suffering. Here's a golden nugget. Happiness has nothing to do with suffering, and suffering has nothing to do with happiness. Happiness, joy, and peace are feelings you can control. When you are suffering, switch to joy. It takes practice. Lots and lots of practice. Happiness can become a habit with practice. You see, happiness is a choice. Start now. Choosing happiness. Start by bringing up those feelings you want to have. I want to share with you someone I know personally who has mastered happiness. This amazing woman, she's my angel. She brings beauty to the clouds, beauty to the dark, beauty to the world. Amazing woman. This amazing woman has had her share of life suffering, more than you can imagine. She was left as an infant by her parents to be raised by her grandparents. She lost a daughter at birth and a son at 30. She lived a life of domestic violence and drug abuse from her husband up to the day he died. She was also homeless, and at times she had to sleep under a bridge. Now she got out of the street and landed a job as a bus driver in busy L.A. Can you imagine that? And then when she retired, she got sole custody of her two-year-old autistic grandson. Before she got custody of her grandson, she put a project together. She called it Holiday Joy. She wanted to bring joy to convalescence. Huh, with all that, she has a heart to bring joy to others. What an amazing woman. I admire her so much. You know, here's the thing. You've got to get this. This is a golden nugget for sure. She doesn't take her suffering personally, but she does take her happiness personally. She says that the world will do what it does, but her happiness is up to her. Listen, if you get this in your gut, you just changed your life. Try these simple actions to bring a smile to your face. When we smile, personal suffering has no room. So set goals. This causes us to feel more engaged in life. Recall those happy times in your life. At the end of each day, think of three things that went well that day and think of the reason why these things went well. Look at photos that bring back those happy memories. Hey, make a list of your strengths. Write a letter or send a text to someone who has been a positive influence in your life. Do this weekly. Sing and dance as if no one is watching. Do this to the happy song by Pharrell Williams. Read inspirational, motivational, and or spiritual writings daily. Master Festival videos, books, and podcasts can inspire and motivate. Join a group that inspires you. Do visualizations on how you would like things to be. Feel as if it has already happened. Ultimately, change your attitude and get over it. Now look at those stories you've been saying about being unhappy. Stop telling those stories aloud and to yourself. Take action. You see, great artists, actors, musicians, writers, and speakers are not great because they were born that way. They are great because they did what they did over and over and over. If you want to be great at something, do it a lot and keep doing it. Work on your happiness until it becomes a habit. Then it will become a way of life. When our emotions are in control, we are more attentive to our thoughts, our feelings, and our behaviors. When we are in tune with what's going on inside, it's easier to gain control of those negative emotions. This is when we can enjoy life with all its challenges and all its disappointments. You see, we are emotional beings. It's what makes us human. We won't be able to get rid of all our suffering, but we can control our reaction to our suffering. Here's a golden nugget. We won't be able to get rid of all our suffering, but we can control our reaction to the suffering. Let's look at suffering from a mental standpoint. Without mental control, you will find yourself in deep unnecessary suffering. If you take control of your mind, you get to decide how long you want to suffer. You see, emotions are always there. Those struggling, suffering emotions are sadness, worry, and anger. These emotions can cause pain, keep us stuck, get in the way of our accomplishments, and take away our joy. If we don't take control of our mind, suffering can become extreme. Now, when emotions are too muted, they create dullness and distance, but when our emotions are too extreme and persistent, they can become pathological, as in deep depression, anxiety, and raging anger. Let's look at anger. Here's a question for you. Do you find that you are angry most of the time, some of the time, or not at all? Now tell the truth. I can't hear you, and no one else will hear you if you don't say it aloud. Anger is the worst at controlling, because it sometimes feels energizing and even exhilarating. The words of Benjamin Franklin, anger is never without reason, but seldom a good one. Anger builds on anger. When this happens, you can't think straight. Rage starts to erupt, which can turn into violence. Do you vent trying to get rid of anger? Trying to vent anger does little or nothing to dispel it, and it's one of the worst ways to cool down the anger. Venting usually pumps up the emotion. Stop venting anger! So, do you take a drink trying to calm down the anger? Mixing alcohol with anger can be very dangerous. It will only escalate. My first marriage ended in divorce due to alcohol and out-of-control anger. The best action to take is get out of sight. There are ways to control anger. There are ways to control anger. Okay, you want to write this down? Put anger at rest by reframing the situation. Lower the threshold at what provokes the anger. Diffuse the anger and challenge the thought that brought it on. Restore control and express the anger constructively or assertively to the person who is its target. Catch the anger thoughts as they arise. What about worry? Do you feel that you worry too much? What do you worry about? Does your worrying have a purpose? Does your worrying give you life or suck it out? Did you know that worrying has a damaging effect on performance of all kinds? Worrying is at the heart of all anxiety. Worrying about worrying. Worrying about what might happen. You can stop the cycle of worrying by shifting the attention to something else. Chronic worrying can ease some anxiety but never solves a problem. There are ways to handle worrying. Catch the worrisome episode as closely as possible to the beginning. Identify the situation that triggered the worry and identify the thoughts and images that initiated the worry. Identify the accompanying sensations of the body. Daily practice of relaxation, deep breathing, mindfulness and meditation. Do you know someone who suffers from anxiety and panic attacks? Maybe yourself or someone close to you? Now these emotions come from fear and phobias. You see when fear is out of control it causes phobias and phobias can be irrational, obsessive and intense. The difference between a fear and a phobia is that most fears are originated in childhood due to the child's limited reasoning ability. When the fear becomes a phobia it will reach a point of being triggered by irrational factors and it becomes disturbing to the person. You can eliminate fears and phobias by changing the content and or the context of the fear. Neuro-linguistic programming NLP is perfect for eliminating fears and phobias. We'll work on this in future episodes. Thank you so much for listening. I hope that I was able to give you something, something to take away, something that will fill your life with happiness and all unnecessary long-term suffering is no longer a part of your life. I look forward to our next episode on Mastering Your Mind. Visit my website masterfester.com and check out my books. If you want to send me a personal message, drop me an email isabel at masterfester.com. Please like and comment on your takeaway from this episode and ask at least three of your friends to listen to my podcast and subscribe. This is very important. Thank you. Until next week, live with exuberant joy.