Dorks & Dummies - Episode 1: Origins: Exploring Identity

Dungeons and Dragons (D&D) has evolved from being a game for outcasts to becoming a safe space for marginalized groups. It allows players to create unique characters and express themselves without limits. D&D has changed over time, with more inclusive races and characters being added. It provides a supportive environment for players to explore their identities. However, acceptance in the game depends on the dungeon master and other players. D&D can be a safe space for queer and neurodivergent individuals, but discrimination still exists. Finding a group with similar identities and an accepting dungeon master is important for feeling safe and authentic. D&D allows players to discover things about themselves without fear of judgment. Dungeons and Dragons and other role-playing games have been around for decades. In the beginning, it was an outlet for outcasts. But over time, it has become a safe haven for queer and neurodivergent people, along with other marginalized groups. Today, we will explore this game, and how it has become a safe space for identity and expression. Dungeons and Dragons is a tabletop role-playing game that was invented in 1974. It was the nerd's dream. Far away lands, magical items, fierce battles, and daring quests made it the perfect fantasy escape. And on top of that, you make your own character and get to be whoever you want to be. And for a lot of players, they would rather be a hero than who they thought they were. With a dungeon master serving as a narrator, players got to experience and go on mysterious adventures. The players chose how they went about their adventures, but what happened all depended on their roll of the dice. It was one of the first ever role-playing games, and inspired many video games popular today. Let's get into the campaign. You are walking along a path, trying to find your way back home. You see a figure headed to the same turn you are. As you see each other, you realize you are walking the same direction on the same beat-down road. After a few minutes, you relent and introduce yourselves to each other. Hey, I'm Lysandra. Lysandra is a winter elder and fey rogue. I'm Crosby. Crosby is a human bard. As you are walking along the trail, laughing, telling stories, having a grand old time, a silhouette in the sky gets larger. It appears to be a large bird with a sword. The aracocra wins beside you, and Crosby groans. Tell you later. Long time no see, Crosby. I'm Ziff, they said, shaking hands with Lysandra. As you communicate more with Ziff, you learn that they use neopronoms, A, M, and R, and are pansexual. Players must feel safe with their party and DM before they can feel safe to express themselves. D&D allows players to create a unique character with little to no limits on how they express themselves. Within D&D exists queer theory, which focuses on deviating from binary and normative expression in relation to gender and sexuality. This is all explained by Toriana Shepard in her paper, Role for Identity, a study of tabletop role-playing games and exploring identities. In D&D, there are many different races of characters, along with classes, with no limits to sexuality and gender expression for your characters. When D&D was first created, though, most of these races didn't exist. I mean, in the first edition, most of it was based off of basic fantasy tropes, which were influenced by the white patriarchal society that dominated the culture at the time. For example, evil races such as dark elves and drows were racially coded and typically had African-American features. There were also goblins who were based off of Jewish stereotypes with crooked noses and being obsessed with money and scamming people. However, D&D has evolved since then, and many more races have been added. There are so many new races that there's literal books filled with all the different ones you can choose from. There's articles online about, like, hey, this is the advantages of this, this is the disadvantages. And because D&D is on its fifth edition, like, in 1974, that was its first edition, now there are five, and it has gotten better. It has improved with society in those areas. Even the expectations surrounding the original races have been changed. For example, there's a story based off of D&D called Legends and Lattes. The main character in that story is an orc, but they're just a sweet woman who runs a coffee shop. There's also, one of the other main characters is a succubus, and those are generally supposed to be seductive creatures who just want to enchant you, but she's just a hardworking, like, CEO type. As you can see, most of these stereotypes surrounding races have been diminished over time, and because most races do not even resemble humans anymore, they therefore don't resemble any race. For example, the race of the Aarakocra are bird people. This, who we just met in the campaign, is an Aarakocra, and a character in Toriana Shepard's role for identity studies. This was played by a non-binary person named Xavier. Xavier had wanted to explore using neo-pronouns in their own life, but wasn't sure how they would be accepted. Xavier created this, who used both they-them pronouns and a-am-air pronouns, to see how those pronouns would be received at the gaming table. Their pronouns were immediately accepted and respected by everyone, encouraging Xavier to start using neo-pronouns in their personal life. Eventually, Vista got again and went to go save the small town from a gelatinous cube. Crossy takes a chance to say, So, this is my ex. Um, I'm bisexual. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I wanted to, truly, but I wasn't sure how you'd react. Lysandra hugs him before saying, It's okay. This doesn't change anything. It's okay. This doesn't change anything. You're still the person I've been walking home with all this time. You can be yourself with me. Lysandra and Crossy continue on their journey home closer than they were before. The way Lysandra accepts Crossy's sexuality is reminiscent of a conversation in Shepard's study. Shepard talks with other players and notes the conversations they have with each other in the game. Quote, And that's really the most important thing about coming out. When I came out, I just did it to a bunch of people at once because I was so scared that people would reject it and I just wanted to get it all over with. But, the nice thing is, most of the friends that I talked to were really supportive and I just found this entirely safe space where I could be like, Hey, yeah, I am transsexual and that's okay. Um, and it was just really good to have a place where I can be open about that because with some of my other friends, they literally ignored me or unfriended me over it. But, that first group that I came out to really cared and made me feel safe. The way people can feel safe immediately coming out is partially by having other people around them they know are part of the queer community, people they know will understand. And having those people in the group tells you that the other people who are accepting those are their allies and they will support you as well. Coming out to my family was so much scarier because it was something we had never talked about before. But, coming out to friends when you already know they're accepting because there's already queer members in that group is so much easier to do because you already know how their reaction is going to be. Having that safe space where you know their reaction and you know they're going to be welcoming is such a better environment than one where you're not quite sure what the reaction is going to be. However, this all depends on the dungeon master and other players in D&D of whether or not you'll be accepted. Shepard explores the experiences of the study participants. Quote, all of them discussed how D&D is not always a safe space to be queer because this game for a long time was dominated by people who actively tried to keep those who were not of the societal norm out of their games. And those same people still exist and still do discriminate against those racial and sexual minorities. End quote. Yeah, and a lot of D&D groups, they're run by, again, white, straight, cisgender people. But when you have a party and a DM who are part of the queer community, they're part of the neurodivergent community or any of the BIPOC communities, you know that you're going to be accepted because these people are like you or they don't fit into the stereotypes of a perfect American society. One example I have is one group I was in recently. One of my friends was tanning, and I had known him for years. And he was white, and he was cis, and he was a male. But he was part of the LGBTQ plus community, and me knowing that fostered a sense of comfort immediately from the start. I definitely think that the DM has so much control over the situation. I saw this story about a DM who refused to have any political scenarios in their campaign, and they refused to have any characters that were not straight. And they said it was because they were avoiding conflict. So it's just one way that made those people, those players, feel really unsafe is not being allowed to express themselves and being told that they were being too political for trying to express their identity. Regardless of the discrimination from other players, though, a D&D party is diverse and accepting. It can become a really safe space where players can discover things about themselves that they weren't aware of before. They can discover these things without the fear of judgment. Shepard brings the study to a conclusion with, quote, they said in future D&D groups, they will be actively looking for groups of queer and neurodiverse people so that they know they can present themselves authentically. And they will need to know that the dungeon master of the group is willing to allow discussion of identity in their campaign. End quote. You are making your way along the road when a pedigreed monster, one you recognize as a mind player, appears. Terrifying beings that possess the ability to warp your thoughts and turn them against you, a mind player can make the world you experience seem completely different. They can make you believe you're not worthy of what you have, like impostors. They can make you misunderstand what others mean and not be able to communicate with others easily. They are most dangerous because they can make you believe that those feelings are coming from you. If you cannot defeat these monsters, those feelings may last your entire life. Even if you do defeat the monster, there are some adventurers whose effects don't go away. They simply manifest in different ways. Not being able to sit still. Can't focus on one thing for very long before getting distracted. Focused on one thing for hours at a time, ignoring everything else. Needing a strict routine to function. There are so many different effects that come from it, and some effects that just don't go away. Dungeons and Dragons. Many people go through that every day, and mind players give them a chance to face them, to make those habits have a purpose and a triumph over them. Dandy as a whole provides a safe space for everyone. Every character includes pieces of their player. For neurodivergent players, their characters often have some of their neurodivergent traits, whether intentional or not. Dungeons and Dragons is a safe space where people can beat themselves in every way. Similarly to queer players, neurodivergent players are allowed to let their tendencies run free, and they can embrace the traits that are ridiculed in real life. For example, hyperfocusing is very similar to attention to detail, a third-level spell that can greatly aid retrieval play. Other neurodivergent traits are also represented in D&D. For example, OCD and anxiety can present themselves in the campaign. Maybe there's a character who's overprepared for everything and just worrying about every possibility the DM can throw at them. And like in real life, the other players are probably going to tell them, don't worry about it, it's not that important. Anxiety can be really hard in real life, talking to people and just really being able to let people into your life, but D&D gives you an opportunity to meet new people who have these same traits as you and use these traits to defeat monsters and really find the light in them. ADHD means that you can focus on nothing for more than one minute so you switch between activities and then you don't end up finishing anything. But going back to the anxiety thing, even though people tell you not to worry about everything and it can suck to have those worries constantly, it is a survival trait and sometimes what you worry about does come to pass and it can be helpful to be prepared, especially in a D&D campaign where you're worried about facing a dragon and then suddenly one pops up. And switching between things, that means you always have something to do. And I struggle when I don't have something to do. I get super freaked out, but having lots of activities means you have something to do. And in other neurodivergent traits, like this, the Aarakocra we met earlier, who is autistic, as is Xavier, the person who plays him. When the other players asked about this, Xavier said they would, quote, reference their character's autistic behavior and it created an instant discussion between Xavier, Dave, Lily, and Oz, who are all people with autism, about things such as a lack of understanding of social norms and it gave the rest of the players an insight into who this is as well as who Xavier is. This understanding allowed for Xavier to more openly explore that part of this character which this Xavier identifies with, end quote. Wow, I mean, it's just crazy how they found such support in such a small group. That's all it takes, just a couple people who accept who you are, and your entire world can change. Instead of being constantly discouraged from hiding the traits because they're seen as abnormal, Xavier's D&D group gave a space for them to explore who exactly Xavier was. And not only exploring that part of themselves, but also developing a lot of social skills, which a lot of neurodivergents don't get a chance to develop because of people staying away from them because they're different. I know I've seen in classes, in high school especially, you'll see neurodivergent people or people with different disabilities who are excluded from groups and from making friends because they don't have the normal traits that we think everybody should have. And it's hard to see that happen because all of these people have so much to offer, but we just don't allow them to. So D&D really does give that space where you can learn these social skills and be accepted for who you really are. Yeah, and Hannah and I mentor at The Penguin Project, which is a theater program for individuals with special needs. And all of these people have been excluded at some point in their life from something, but this place, you can tell they all just feel so welcome. But even there, every once in a while, somebody is ignored for some of their traits or they are shut down because people look down on them a little bit. For example, there's this one girl there who talks up quite a lot. She's super smart, but sometimes people ignore her because they think she talks too much. However, when she interacts with other people who love her fantasy obsessions, like she loves Lord of the Rings and D&D, she feels so comfortable with the other people that will talk with her about those things. Cecil H. said, almost every player character that they've ever written was neurodivergent, and for them, a player character is a way to bring out parts of themselves that they would love to indulge in and find escape isn't through. As someone who is neurodivergent, I wholeheartedly agree. I have never written a straight or neurotypical character, and whether or not that's known by the rest of the party, it's not to me, and that shows that people can be queer and or neurotypical and still belong in the world, still mean something. I've been lucky enough to play with parties who let me be myself and let my characters be themselves. Cecil H. mentions how neurodivergent types of curiosity help the party find clues and how their character is more developed because of Cecil putting their sense of humor into the character. Neurodivergent players can be comfortable and find a group of friends in their D&D group. In their campaigns, they can triumph over the people who shun them because they were different and even fight against their neurodivergency in order to have power over it, and feeding a mind player gives them relief. You get ready to fight, preparing yourself for the onslaught against your mind and body. The mind player starts the battle with a tentacle attack against Twicendra. Roll for save. Fourteen. No damage. Twicendra fights back. I use sneak attack. Roll initiative. Thirteen. Success! Twicendra uses the effect of hyperfocusing to analyze weaknesses and attack where it hurts the most and the monster fails to save and take. Fourteen damage. Coffee turn. I use cutting words to attack. Roll initiative. Eleven. Success! Monster fails to save and takes. Twelve damage. The mind player is defeated. The figure crumbles to ash. The only signs it has ever been there are the sweat dripping from my sandwich and coffee and the slight smell of seafood. They gather themselves and keep going on their way home. This podcast is sponsored by Roll for Dice, a company dedicated to fulfilling all of your D&D dice dreams. There are so many sets to choose from and collect to make your campaign shine. Buy these dice to make you the hottest DM in the realms. After celebrating your successful battle against the mind players, you settle down to make camps for the next. You searched for side effects and found none. But laying down on your blanket in the dark night, teetering on the edge of sleep, you still feel like something is influencing your thoughts. And there was, though it took you a while to recognize exactly what. You were being attacked by an inner demon, one so powerful it could hold you both in its grasp. You didn't realize that the other was also being influenced. You tried to stay completely still. To not wake each other. To not cry. To not get overwhelmed. To not think at all. But you thought. You thought and thought and tried to fight against the inner demon without letting the other know. You tried to save face, and you didn't want to disappoint them. You slowly get up to confront the physical form of the inner demon and are surprised to see the other standing up as well. With merely a glance, you promise to fight as hard as you can to defeat this inner demon. For yourself and for each other. To get back home. Playing new roles allows people to explore different sides of themselves and discover skills they had not previously utilized. A research study by Minds at Play published on medical press found that D&D players who were initially socially isolated due to anxiety about social interactions grow in confidence and actively seek out face-to-face social groups, such as those in local libraries. D&D gives people a space to interact with their peers in a fantasy world where they are not exactly themselves. Through this, they can gain confidence and express themselves and their opinions more in the real world. This is true in many other activities that include role-playing, such as theater. I myself had extreme social anxiety and had very bad stage fright. I hated doing public speaking. But the first time I had to do an acting project in class, I learned that it was a lot easier to be myself when I was being somebody else. Which doesn't seem like it makes much sense, but if you've ever had to do anything with acting, you know that when you can put on a false face, your real self shines through. I work at my dance studio, and put me in front of a class and I will freeze up. I am not a good public speaker. But the first time I went on stage working there, because we had eight shows, and I was opening and closing all of them with a bunch of members in between, the first time I went on stage, I was just like, I'm going to get the stage fright over with, because I've had enough, and I can't get through the rest of the weekend if I don't. And actually, since then, I haven't had stage fright at all, even though I am not a public speaker. With dance, it's easy. When I joined speech, I asked the coach how I could possibly do this because I'm so scared of public speaking. I have so much social anxiety. But she told me we would figure it out, and three years later, I have zero fear when it comes to speaking. Obviously, it's different when it's poetry versus a class presentation, but communities like that really give you a space to become comfortable with public speaking and work with your social anxiety until it doesn't seem like such a big deal anymore. Crosby's turn first. I cast Magic Missile. No initiative. Not one. The inner demon stares at you while you try and muster the courage to attack, but it cannot be mustered. You are frozen, as much as those of the demons. The inner demon only laughs, saying, You cannot attack me. I am the great evil you. I am yourself, as everyone sees you. You remember what happened today. Once they got to know you, the real you, they left. And you think that Lysandra's any different? Once she really gets to know you, she will see you for the lazy, rude, broken bard that you are. Crosby is entranced. The inner demon turns to Lysandra. It's your turn, Lysandra. What do you do? I try to fight it. I use my dagger. Initiative is... 11. Your attack goes through. So let's see how it responds. And here you are. Have you seen Landon lately? No. I wonder why. What was it you said to him? You wanted the best for him. Obviously that wasn't you. I mean, you thought it was a possibility, but you still let him leave. You weren't good enough. You weren't then and you aren't now. You can do nothing to stop me. Your power is not great enough. Lysandra suffers... 2 psychic damage. The inner demon uses shadow stealth to hide in the stars of the night. D&D often places importance on skills that are overlooked or undervalued in the real world. In reality, you shouldn't let your rage free. You shouldn't get distracted. And you definitely shouldn't be swinging a sword around. Yet, in D&D, a barbarian's greatest weapon is their rage. Not being completely focused on one thing is useful, but you can always be aware of potential threats in your surrounding area. As for the sword, every character has a weapon on hand at all times. Maybe new situations don't seem applicable in the real world. But look from a different angle, and maybe you'll find some similarities. Jeff Ashworth's book, Everything I Need to Know, I Learned from RPGs. In it, he discusses how a barbarian can only rage so many times, so they must choose the right moment. While rage is not the most productive choice for a work meeting, you can learn to let that rage out at the gym and get stronger. Maybe your hyperactivity and lack of focus have gotten you in trouble in the past, but you can use that split attention to make sure you're not in danger when you're on a walk through the forest with your friends. A sword is not the only weapon in D&D. Charisma and intelligence are just as powerful as strength. D&D can help you learn to wield your words as effectively as your sword. Yet, the most powerful weapon any character has is their party. You are always stronger when surrounded by people who care about you. Trazi is out of the chance, but is scared. What's your plan? It's preying on his securities. How can you do this? I don't know. What is there for us to do? It makes us believe that we're not good enough. But maybe if we work together, we can be. We need to use the truths that we know to defeat the lies it wants us to believe. Thankfully, you've come up with a plan. You stand back to back, clasped hands, and start using those truths. I will never leave my friends. I see you, and I'll never forget what you did to us. I'll trick you. All your power is no match for our cleverness. I will stand against you, even if I can't do much. We will fight you until the end of the world. Love is your death, and if we die, you die with us. With those words, you combine your powers, using all of the hope and strength you have, and pour it into a sixth-level necromantic card spell. And roll a... Nat 20, critical hit. The inner demon doesn't need to roll a constitution and get... 44 necrotic damage. It is defeated. Defeated. The inner demon comes back into view, and teardrops of his body break away as you turn to watch. It desperately screams. Its face flakes away, revealing a twisted, screaming skull. The inner demon bursts into flames. The burning skeleton is reduced to ash and purple goo. Wow, that was... a bit much, to be honest. But we did it. That we did. In D&D, players not only learn who they are as an individual, but how they fit into the world around them. As Jeff Ashworth says, quote, the key to overcoming external threats is to understand that our greatest enemies are often internal. The journey of your character, the fictional character you play each week, is ultimately an exploration of characters, the things that make us who we are. What we learn at the table is that everyone is on their own hero's journey. Each of our actions and reactions have consequences. Although we think we're the heroes of our own story, we can be the villain in others'. Knowing heroism can be subjective and that your arch-nemesis will likely be yourself is valuable insight that will help you navigate your journey, ensuring you're still a hero at the end of your story, as well as everybody else's. In D&D, players learn both their skills and their weaknesses. We all need to acknowledge our weaknesses in order to use them to our benefit and become our best selves. You know it is not over. Inner demons are easy to submit to and to sacrifice parts of yourself to, and sometimes you don't get those parts back. The process of getting rid of an inner demon is not one and done. Sometimes the after-effects last a lifetime, the quiet gnawing at your soul that never quite goes away. And it's worse because it comes from you. It comes from the inner demon using your own thoughts against you, twisting circumstances into triggers, giving you a show of who you used to be, while convincing you that you're the best you've ever been. But, as Crosby and Sandra find out, fighting inner demons is an essential part of personal growth. Your inner demons are always part of you, but you can fight by deciding that those parts are not part of who you want to be. The point of D&D is not to compete with each other. It's to be with each other and fight alongside each other. The mystical realms that D&D contains are appealing to people who have felt like outsiders because there they can be accepted, cheered on, even loved. Even by escaping to a different world, players learn that greatness isn't about being accepted, being normal, or changing who you are. It's about fighting for the greater good of the world, even if the world never fought for you. Congratulations, Crosby and Sandra. You have beaten the ultimate enemy yourself. Now, you are free to return home, not quite as who you were when you left, but still as you. In this episode, we covered how Dungeons & Dragons can help provide a community for queer and neurodivergent people, which leaves room for discovering self-identity. Along with a sense of community, D&D can teach life skills, making it easier to operate in the world around us. D&D helps us learn who we are and how we fit into the world. We learn that we can be our own biggest enemy, but also our greatest hero. Make sure to follow along with our ongoing campaign. Thanks for listening. Dorks and dummies out. Mic drop. Mic drop.