part 3 intro content warning

This is a podcast episode of the EEWP podcast, where the hosts, Jaylene and Jules, discuss their experiences with their children's fathers. They share their personal stories of dealing with domestic violence, alcoholism, and the challenges of being single mothers. They emphasize that they are not man-haters and that they love men, but they are sharing their experiences to raise awareness. They talk about the struggles they faced in their relationships and the impact it had on their lives and their children. They also express gratitude for the opportunity to heal and move forward. Hello beautiful humans, this is Jaylene and Jules from the Empowering Women Project and you're listening to the EEWP podcast. This podcast is for the women who know deep in their soul they are here for more. If you are done with the BS stories and limiting beliefs that are holding you back from your dreams becoming a reality, come jump in the driver's seat and pave the way back home to her. This is a space for you to feel seen, heard, supported, and accepted for who you are, who you were, and who you're becoming. We're inviting you, wherever you are in your journey, sit back, grab a tea or a wine and come empower yourself with us. Jules and Jay, let's grow! This podcast episode comes with a content warning. We'll be discussing sensitive topics. Please do a personal body check-in to see if you're up to listening today. We encourage you to reach out to available support. In Australia, there are many options to support life events, including, but not limited to, Lifeline 13 11 14, SMS is available 24-7 where you can now text if you don't feel safe or comfortable calling, 0477-131-114. We will include these in our show notes. Please check our pinned highlights on socials if you need direct DV support for your area. Thanks for tuning in! Hello! All right, so now I think we are going to move into talking about our children's fathers. Do you want to go first this time there? I can't stop it now. I don't know why I laughed. Is it because they're a jerk? Okay. All right, so now we're going to talk about our children's fathers and how I know we've touched on it a little bit and how that kind of links to our now and our healing journeys, but let's dive into that for a little bit. You're on the hot seat, my honey. Go for it. Thanks, honey. I just want to start with the premise that we are not man-haters and we're not doing this to diss the fathers or anything. We're just sharing our experience. We definitely love men and I am building a beautiful co-parenting relationship with their dad now and he's actually given me permission to talk about this on the podcast. Julie just did like, wow, that's big. So, obviously stemming from having a domestic violence dad and an alcoholic father, my oldest son is actually a different dad to my other two. I just want to preface that because my relationship with Oliver's dad was actually really beautiful. We had a really nice relationship. We were very young, but we acted as though we were like an old couple. We both worked full time and he squirreled me around. It was amazing until he turned 18 and then it all went downhill from there. He started just doing things when he was partying and stuff like that and not coming home and I was at home with the baby. So, it kind of just got to a point where it was like my life was about baby and his life was about partying. So, obviously we just parted ways and we haven't really mended that relationship, but Oliver still has somewhat of a relationship with him, if you could call it that. And then that stemmed into me being like, oh my God, I'm a single mom. No one's ever going to love me again, sort of thing. And I guess, yeah, I met him through friends and they have actually apologized for introducing him to me because they knew the severity of who he was, I guess, and the violence that he carried just because he hadn't healed his early childhood trauma. So, being with him, he was 12, 13 years older than me and I met him when I was late 17 age, so nearly 18, and he was going into his 30s. So, there was quite an age difference. But anyway, I digress. So, yeah, he pretty much was the representation of what my dad was. He was an alcoholic, he was violent, he was very inconsistent and he played on my abatement issues with my dad. And it was really bad. We actually didn't move in together until I had my first son with him, which was Heath, which was when I was 19. I don't know, I just kind of had this blockage and there was just stuff going on. And then as soon as he moved into our house in Torquay, I was like, what the fuck have I done? But now I've got this baby and then I fell pregnant again. And it kind of was just like a whirlwind of just chaos. Yeah, it was literally reliving my childhood over again, living in fear, fight and flight, that chasing mentality of he'd pull away and then I'd chase. And then it was just cat and mouse. It was insane. And then I'd be blowing up his phone when he wasn't coming home or answering his phone and stuff because I was so young and I was at home again, being mom, just with my kids and navigating, trying to work. So I had to have a cleaning business and all that sort of stuff that I could bring my kids to work because it was so bad. And I always wanted a beautiful life for my kids. So I was never going to not work to provide them with a beautiful life because I didn't want to succumb to other ways of living. So yeah, I had to pretty much hold the fort emotionally, mentally and all the rest of it whilst navigating. I just was like a nutshell of a human. I look back at her and I was like, I was a zombie. I had no voice. I didn't know who I was. I didn't know what I stood for. But all I knew was I just wanted to be a mom. My goal in life was always to be a stay-at-home mom and do something creative. I've always wanted to do something on the side, but I've always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. And I never got the chance to because he wasn't working and I had to be the breadwinner whilst navigating TV and his alcoholism. I didn't drink when we were together. There would be stages where I'd have some cruises or whatever, but I wasn't into partying. I wasn't into drinking alcohol and doing all that sort of thing. But yeah, it was just like a crazy relationship. I can't even preface it into words, to be honest. It was just trying to keep my kids alive, myself alive, because that's what it felt like. I felt like one day we're just going to get killed. And I've actually said this to him in a conversation a couple of weeks ago. I don't even think it was a couple of weeks ago. I think it was more recent than that. But I actually had a three and a half hour conversation with him where I was actually able to express to him finally, after being separated for six years. And a lot of people don't actually get this opportunity to be able to openly express how they feel with someone. I was the victim, obviously, in this. And he's grown so much as a person and done some healing and stuff like that. A lot of people don't get that opportunity. So I'm really grateful. But yeah, I actually got to express to him how I felt. And a lot of the feelings were, I didn't feel safe. I thought we were going to die. I didn't know who to turn to, because at this point, at the end of my relationship, or even at the start, probably within a year, all my friends were gone. I didn't have any contact with my family. I was very isolated. And the people that I had connected to, he would kind of destroy that relationship. And I had one beautiful friend. There was two at the end, but one in particular. We were sitting at school pickup, and she looked at me and she was like, you're not Darlene anymore. You've lost your smile. Where are you? Sort of thing. I love you, Wendy. We live in completely different... She lives down in Sunny Coast now, and we haven't really seen each other now, but we still contact each other through social media. But she was the callous to me breaking up with him, being like, holy fuck, other people are seeing it. And I actually still have people to this day be like, oh, the person that you were back then compared to now. I'm like, wow, people must have really seen how lost and confused and how I was trying really hard for my kids to have a beautiful life. I really did try through all of it. And then, yeah, it got to a point where I just remember one day, I remember practicing in the mirror going, like, when he'd come home, when he hasn't come, like, he'd left for a week or whatever, doing I don't know what, to be honest, what he was doing in that week that he wouldn't be home. He'd just come back in the door like nothing happened. And I remember, like, practicing in the mirror, being like pretty much breaking up with him. And I never had the courage to do it. So I actually have a courage little tattoo on my wrist for the day that I actually did break up with him officially and utterly. I remember just walking down the stairs of our home. And everything was kind of okay at this point. But I remember hearing him say something to the kids. And I was like, you know what? I've had enough. I walked down there and it's like something just took over my body and my mind. I had therapy at this point beforehand to do a safety plan to get away with him, which he actually never knew. He thought I was going to therapy for my parents' stuff, but it was actually to create a safety plan to get away from him. That's how bad it was. And, yeah, and then I just broke up with him. And he actually laughed at me and he thought I was joking. And I was like, I'm not joking. And then from that day forward I just held solid in, like, I'm never going back to you. Like, you were so unsafe. Like, I don't even know how we made it. Like, he was physically violent. Like, there were some nights where he'd make me get in the car and he'd want to go do something to someone because they've done something to him in his early childhood. It was crazy. Like, it was insane. And then, yeah, then I broke up with him and it took about six months to get him out of my home. And, yeah, it was a very big process. And then even after we had split up, he had done really crazy things as well, which ended up me, like, giving up my home in Torquay and, you know, wanting to move to Queensland. And I had tried a couple of times to move to Queensland. I just wanted to get as far away as possible from him. And I really feel like I was guided to Airlie Beach in order to heal and in order to have space from him to really heal and just to, yeah, move forward. And now that that's all happened and lots of things have happened since then, we're pretty much, like, yeah, becoming better co-parents with each other. We're realizing, like, the shit that we both did to each other and the toxic relationship we're in and how we need to heal from here on out and how it's affected the kids. So, yeah, that's just in a nutshell of that. But, yeah, I'm really grateful that we're getting to a point where we're able to communicate more freely about the kids. And, you know, I am a full-time mom during the school term. I do everything myself. And his dad gets to be really fun when the kids go down there. And, yeah, but it has been a whirlwind. And, like, I can feel it in my body right now as I'm talking. I'm like, I just send so much love to that girl. Like, I just wish I could go hug her because the healing and the aftermath after that was insane. I ended up going into partying, you know, doing drugs and drinking a lot of alcohol and partying, giving my body away to so many men. If you know me from that era, hello. But I send her so much love as well because I was just so lost. And I'm like, now this is the second dad and now I'm a single mom again. Like, I just all of that stuff just started coming up and put myself into the wrong crowds. But then I got to a point where, like, a lot of people used to even say to me when I'd be partying and stuff, they're like, you're not meant to be here. Like, what are you doing? And I'm like, I see that now because I wasn't. But I was obviously meant to go through all of that era in order to come back to who I was because I was a fucking amazing mom through all that DV. I tried so fucking hard and I never gave up. I always had my kids in the forefront of my mind. Like, everything I do was for them. And it still is that and it's becoming more like that again now. But, yeah, I think we sometimes when we're healing, we do go down journeys like that and it's totally okay. And if you're a mom doing the same, like, I'm sending you so much love too because I see you and I know what it's like to, you know, get out of a domestic violent relationship and then, you know, try to heal and navigate, like, working and being a mom and all of that. Like, it's crazy. Like, it's so crazy. My honey, I send you so much love. I just have that, like, a roar, like, coming in my head. I'm like, yeah, girl. I never thought I would have the confidence to share openly and honestly my story and I feel like it's just going to keep getting better and better. But, like, if we're able to reach one woman every single day to help them and give them hope, our mission on earth is done, honestly. Absolutely. You don't have to stay stuck in those same patterns. If you are feeling unsafe, you have the capacity to make a change. There are so many services that are out there to support women or even men going through domestic violence. I mean, we're only women. We can only talk about our journeys and our stories and, you know, all the rest of it. But we also see the men as well. If you're listening, we know we do have quite a few male listeners. So, yeah, if you're a man or a woman, we highly encourage you to seek that support and we can put some information in our show notes and we're actually going to make a highlight spot on our Instagram to be able to share some services if you're experiencing this in our journey because there is help out there and you can link in with those connections. And I promise you there will be somebody that will listen. And as well, our DMs are always open. If you need to talk to somebody about it, if you just want to be heard and figure out what to do next or which service to link to first, we would be happy to direct you. Yeah, because generally when you're getting out of a really severe toxic relationship, I've noticed a pattern with a lot of women and men is you have no body at the end. Literally, I remember breaking up with baby daddy and my best friend, Wendy. She literally was like, all right, me and my hubby are moving to Cairns now. And I'm like, you're just leaving me? Like, I've just done this thing. And I was like, I feel like there's angels that come in your life. I think of the different stages throughout the healing journey and through the relationship. There's little angels that are placed on your little journey and just notice the signs. Like, if I didn't have that conversation with her that day, I probably wouldn't have been like, holy shit, like I've completely lost myself and who I am in order to make that decision that day. So there is angels and you are so divinely guided and protected. You just got to, yeah, just make that choice. Like you deserve so much love and you deserve to feel safe. And, you know, you are so worthy of it, even if you don't feel like it. Like I've been through all the fields and yeah, it, yeah, there's hope on the other side of my knees and it's not going to happen overnight, but I can promise you there's freedom. Like there's freedom just to live again, not in fear. And if one of the big fears I know comes forward when I, in my conversations with a lot of women who have experienced or going through it at the moment are literally like, oh, well I don't want to break up the family. And it's like, yeah, but you rather have a healthy safe home for your children or, you know, would you rather them feel unsafe? Like if you take anything from us, please just know that you hold the power within yourself to navigate everything. Post you are strong enough. You will find it as women. We are natural warriors and we have the capacity to really take control of our lives. And so we really hope that you see that within yourself and just believe have that belief because the other side is, is beautiful. I think the best thing that ever happened to our relationship was that it ended. I know that sounds so counterintuitive, but it stemmed me into healing more deeply for my children and finding my voice and everything like that. But then in turn it sends him into it. Like I've lost my family because I can't get my shit together. And it's taken him so many years and also myself and I've went through different stages and stuff, but it was in our experience. And I know it's not everyone's experience, but yeah, it definitely was the best worst thing that ever happened in our life. Sorry. Yeah, absolutely. Do it for you. Do it for your kids. You know, if you don't have kids, do it for yourself because we all deserve to feel happy and safe and secure. And honestly, you can find all of that within yourself and just give yourself grace and send yourself so much love because it is, it is a lot to navigate. Yeah. It's just, it's crazy, isn't it? The world that we live in. Honestly. I think my advice would be one day at a time. Like don't think of like, oh my God, five years from now, like even like finances and stuff like that. Like I remember like going through the stick of the DV, like bills were getting put on the, like the back burner and stuff like that to like redo your credit score was like huge. Like it takes years to kind of like mend from that. But if you just do one day at a time and work on some things, if you have a social worker or a therapist or whatever, just doing one like one day at a time, just don't think of the future. Just think of what you need to do right now. And then in turn, all of those little baby steps will grow into, you know, maybe recording a podcast one day, but you know, yeah. One day at a time, honey. It's one day. Yeah. And I think a misconception is that there isn't, that nobody's going to help me. There's not going to be health and there is. And the reality is they even have things in place now where, you know, they have specific departments that like Telstra or, you know, at simply energy or whatever your providers may be. And if you can call them and you speak to them and you say, this is my situation, generally they're willing to put your bills on hold and not let it hurt your credit. So, you know, there's a huge movement in terms of women and men being supported when they're leaving these types of relationships and yeah, we will post a whole bunch of links to support you guys through this. If you are somebody who is experiencing this and yeah, we just send you so much love as you navigate whatever you're navigating in your life at the moment. Amen. We love you. We do. And so as for me, for my child's father, I actually met him at the very beginning of COVID in 2020. And at that point in time, like I was in Melbourne and it was completely locked down. Like we were, we were not allowed to leave our homes, you know, it was just absolute mayhem. I think we were allowed outside for like an hour each day just to go for a walk or get fresh air. And at that point in time, we had just connected and you were allowed to have, you were allowed to travel to see like a romantic partner. And so he would often come to mine or I would often go to his. And so we spent a great deal of time together because when you don't, you're not able to connect with any other humans, like you connect with who's in front of you. And so for us, we were together like all day, every day. We were working from home. Like I would work in my bedroom and he would work in, you know, the lounge room and vice versa. And, you know, then we would spend like a great deal of time together. And at one stage, yeah, we ended up conceiving my son, Hudson, and I was prepping for a power lifting competition. So I was still working out, still training hard, still trying to do everything I could to keep myself in shape for hope that one day we would get out of lockdown and I would be able to compete in this competition. So I was putting a lot of time and energy and work into my health and my physical fitness and yeah, it just kind of took a turn, I guess. When I found out I was pregnant, I missed my period. And at this point, I think we had been able to travel a little bit further. We were still kind of locked down, but I remember going for a walk with one of my friends and I said to her, oh, my period's late. And she was like, oh, maybe you should do a test. I was like, oh, it was only two days. And I thought, yeah, maybe I'll grab one just for peace of mind on the way home. Not in any, you know, there are several times where I could have been pregnant over my life, but yeah, I was just not expecting it. And it was instant. When I did that test and I got home, it was instant. And I was like, oh my goodness, I am pregnant. And I've always had the belief that anytime I go into any relationship and, you know, no judgment, everyone's allowed to make their own decisions. I'm a firm believer of my body, my choice. So my choice for myself was that if I had ever felt pregnant, you know, without meaning to, then I would ensure that I kept baby and I, you know, would do everything possible to become the best version of myself, whatever stage of my life it was at. Because I believe that, yeah, if it were to happen, it was going to happen. And it was meant to be for me. So, yeah, I remember calling him up and saying, hey, like I've got to tell you something. And, you know, he'd go through these moods and little did I know behind the scenes, like he was navigating some mental health issues that he wasn't being up front and honest with me about. And I remember telling him because he didn't want to come see me. He was like, no, just tell me on the phone. And I was like, well, I've got to tell him. So I ended up just telling him on the phone. And then he didn't believe me. And he went through, you know, oh, you need to have an abortion. Like, I don't want to be a father. And I said, I was very upfront with you. If we were going to be adults and, you know, do these things, then there can be consequences with those things. And so I said, I'm sorry, but I've decided for myself, I'm keeping this baby. And he was like, well, I don't want to be a part of the baby's life. And I was like, oh, okay. Well, like, are you sure with your decision? He's like, yeah, absolutely. Not. And I was like, okay. And then that's really when I dug into finding a psychologist to support me through all of what I was navigating because it was just very heavy. My family was in Canada and we were still a little bit in lockdown. So I, you know, didn't have the support that I thought I could to get through. I'm like, I'm in a different country. Like, you know, can I do this? And I just had a chat with myself and I was like, you absolutely can do this. Like this is, you know, this is meant to be. And, you know, I want to be this child's mother and I, I can be this child's mother. And I, yeah, that's what followed me on the healing journey. But anyways, then I just didn't hear from him and he ended up breaking up with me and didn't hear from him. And yeah, went about my pregnancy and did all the things, all the appointments, all the psychology appointments, all the medical appointments and continued working and, you know, just really maintaining my health. And I remember he came back in at about 36 weeks and just messaged me out of the blue and was like, Hey, how's it going? And I was like, so nonchalant, like, okay, like just being, not being here at all through any of this. And anyways, he ended up disclosing to me that he was having some mental health issues and blamed it on the fact that it was due to the pregnancy and had ended up getting addicted to his benzodiazepines and was planning on booking himself into a mental health ward to have electroconvulsive shock therapy on his brain. And I was like, well, like, you know, I had gotten to a little groove and I was just, I was like, whoa, okay, well, you know, are you doing this so that you can be a father? Like, are you going to get this support? And he was like, well, no, I still don't want to be a father. And I was like, oh, okay. And then he asked me, oh, can I drop the dog off? And I was like, he had a puppy staffie and I was like, yeah, for sure. Like I loved the dog. So the dog came and stayed with me and then he checked himself into hospital. Anyways, at one stage, I remember he wanted to come with me to one of the apartments. He's like, and I thought, oh, well, maybe this will be a good thing. You know, he's showing an interest and I'm a firm believer in not keeping, you know, unless there's safety issues involved, not keeping the child away from their father. So I was like, okay, maybe this is a step. So anyways, I, that was the first time I really saw the anger come out in him. And we'd gone to the appointment and we went to a cafe across, or sorry, we had gone to the hospital for the appointment and had to wait. So we went to the cafe across and I'm vegan. So I asked if there was anything vegan and the man was like, no, we don't do vegan here. And I was like, oh, okay. Like, fair enough. And I know at that point in time, there was still a lot of places that did not do and that was so fine. But his father got really, really angry. And he started yelling at the guy. And I remember just being so embarrassed. And I actually felt so unsafe because I was heavily pregnant. And I just remember like walking outside and then he came outside and he was swearing and there was a kettlebell holding the door. And he said, oh, he's lucky. I didn't take that kettlebell and bash him. I was like, oh my God, like this is so intense. What is happening here? Like I don't even know who this person is. Totally different person to the person that I thought I knew during that five months that we were dating one another. And then he ended up pushing their tables outside and he ended up pushing them over the tables and chairs onto the road in the middle of Melbourne. And I was so scared and so embarrassed. And I said like just was kind of quiet when we got back to the hospital. And then I said, look, I would just, you know, I just think I don't feel safe with you coming with me into this medical appointment. And I remember going to the social worker at the hospital and just bawling my eyes out and had already been linked with her already being a single mom. But she was like, this is not safe. Like this is not okay. And she was like, when we see signs like this, it generally means it's going to escalate. Like this is the start of the things you'll start to notice as you go towards domestic violence. Anyways, then I, you know, didn't speak to him very much when about my life had had been 24 hours active labor. It was crazy by myself. I had a beautiful doula supporting me and the nurses and staff at the Royal Women's were actually like incredible. I would have never worked anywhere else. Like it was just, you know, for real. But I say that, but obviously I would have birthed anywhere if I had to. Anyway, and then he, yeah, messaged me and he was like, Oh, I'll get the baby. And it was three days later after the baby. And I was like, yeah, you know, I've had, I've had the baby. And he was like, Oh, he's like, well, can I come and see it? And I was like, it, I'm like, it's a boy. His name is Hudson. And then he came to the hospital, checked himself out of the psych ward came to the hospital and it was like the weirdest encounter. Like he held him and it was like, he was just not even there. Like he was just, yeah, it was so awkward and I felt so uncomfortable and yeah, it just was, that's all, that's how I can describe it. Like it was just like really interesting. No checking on me, asking me if I'm okay. And then he started making these demands. He started being like, well, I want to be on the birth certificate. I want this. I want that. Me, me, me, me, me. And I was like, Whoa, like I've literally just had a baby, have navigated this all by myself. And now here you're coming in and making these demands. I'm like, are you considering wanting to be in his life? And he's like, well, no. I was like, okay, so I'm confused. Why are you making all these demands? And he's like, and you're going to change his name. It's going to be Ushuaia but spelled Isaiah. And I was like, wow. I was like, I've actually already done his name stuff and all the rest of it. And so he was just, yeah, making all these demands and telling me what I was going to do and how I was going to do it. And so obviously the social worker was visiting me. Anyway, he only stayed for 20 minutes. The social worker was visiting me and I let her know all of that. And she's like, no, she was like, I think you need to get an ABO. She's like, you're going off into the world by yourself. You know, these are very controlling behaviors. There's a lot more obviously that I'm not touching on, but those are just a few examples anyways. And then I, yeah, I got that put into place and I had it said so that he could still contact Huston if he needed to, but he never has. So I've not heard from him and now my little boy is going to be three. So I've done it all a hundred percent on my own. And yeah, it's just crazy to look back and think about navigating a newborn life with very little support from friends, like next to none, no support from family. But yeah, I did it and I'm so proud of myself for it. And now, you know, my son is just, he's bloody flourishing. He is doing so well. He has some medical issues, but we navigate them. And yeah, that's all about my son's father. Oh, I love you. I see you. And I love Huddy too. And Hustle. I want to be a little fam with our little Hustle. So glad that he just, you know, dropped the dog on you as well. Yeah, I know, because they're besties. They are. They're even got the same skin conditions. I know. And they love each other so much. And the fact that they grew up together and yeah, Hustle just brings a sense of like safety as well to our family, which I've always loved. He's a little man. He's like a little stocky little puppy. It's just like, yeah, guys, I got this. And now Hustle's at the age where he'll say, Hustle, my best friend, mummy. He's my friend. I'm like, he is your friend and they are inseparable, honestly. So yeah, it's crazy to think how everything worked out, but gosh, I'm strong as hell now. Literally. It builds character, doesn't it? Like, I don't know, I think back to the person that I was as well during all of that stuff. And it's like, I wouldn't, we wouldn't be who we are if we didn't go through that. And unfortunately we went through that. But also, like, I feel like we're here to learn some lessons. Well, not lessons in the aspect of, you know, being physically, you know, abused or emotionally abused or whatever. But like, I definitely feel like mine was to gain my voice. And like, you've definitely grown to a strong boss babe yourself. And you do everything for Huddie and Hustle, like, and you navigate all of the appointments and work and everything so beautifully. So I'm very proud of you. Thank you. Yeah. I strongly believe that there is mission, like, as well, and finding my voice and I've done so much work on that throat chakra and being able to express it. And, you know, if we can help one woman from sharing every day, one woman every day from sharing our journeys, then yeah, we're going to be real. We're going to be raw. We're going to be vulnerable. And yeah, crazy. Yeah. Like if you guys could laugh and cry with us, that's all that matters. Laugh at our quirky weirdness. But yeah, just, yeah. We just want everyone to be seen and loved. Yeah. And know that there's so much hope. And we don't want to be like, this is very different to our regular episodes where we're quite heavy within this one. It's a lot to take in and a lot of information. So if you've made it this far, thank you for listening. And yeah, go do a meditation or something. Hopefully you didn't hold on to any of that energy. But yeah, I think through it all, like us connecting with each other when we did was just such a beautiful thing. Like we've just been able to support one another throughout this stage of our healing journey and really, yeah. Understand the value that a friendship can have. And like Dailene to me is literally like my family. Like I love her and her boys so much. And yeah. Just being able to navigate the parenting stuff, like, you know, calling each other and messaging each other and letting each other know when we're going through something. And a lot of the time, you know, people will go through those things silently and you don't have to. Find yourself a best friend and a therapist and, you know, you will feel much lighter. I promise. I definitely feel like it takes longer doing it yourself. You've got to have the support. What's it saying? It's like if you want to go further, go with people. I can't remember it, but I need to research that. It's a really cool thing. But yeah, pretty much having like people behind you. Like it, it does take a village. And definitely if you've been through things like you need to support, you need to support humans, positive ones that are not doing toxic things, you know, like drugs and alcohol and partying all the time, because you'll fall into that loop. If you have low self-worth and stuff, you're just going to like want that need for connection. And even if it's through toxic people, I think that's why we stay in toxic relationships longer as well, because, you know, we're familiar with that. And we have someone to go home to, even if they're like a crazy hell. Yeah, we just hold on to it for longer than what we should. And we're so grateful these days, like you have social media. So, you know, you can make friends if you've gone through a journey and you've lost some friends. You can make so many friends through social media, like just by sliding into if you see someone and they're being vulnerable or you resonate with something on their story, sliding into their DMs. I've developed so many beautiful friendships just by doing that. And yeah, just put yourself outside of your comfort zone. And I know it's hard for some people. I'm an extrovert. Yeah, but yeah, there are people that are going to want to be your friend. Amen. And on the back end of all of that, we're going to touch on our lifestyles and how, you know, what our lifestyles look like now, because it's completely different to what we've just dived into. So do you want to go first, my honey? Yeah, sure.