College dropoff 2002

The author reflects on the emotional experience of dropping their youngest daughter off at college in New York City. They contemplate the balance between giving their child strong roots and allowing them independence to spread their wings. The author expresses mixed feelings of excitement and sadness as they adjust to the changes in their life. They recount the emotional goodbye at the dorm and their hopes for their daughter's future. The author concludes by emphasizing the importance of roots in enabling one to soar. Happy final weekend of August 2023, and welcome to the Sunday column for Saturday, August 26, 2023. I'm Dan Flannery. It's great to be with you again. Today's piece, like the post from Thursday, is based on the always emotional, almost surreal experience of dropping kids off at college. Originally published in the Postcrescent on September 1, 2002, this was written several days after dropping our youngest daughter off at the Manhattan School of Music in New York City. She was less than three weeks removed from her 18th birthday, and the city was less than a year removed from the attacks of September 11, 2001. So, without question, we had some emotions. If you have children, you've spent much of your life raising them to be the best they can, teaching lessons, giving only so much freedom, eventually giving them your trust and hoping that they've learned and listened when you told them, capitalized here, the important stuff. But in that moment, when you realize that your child isn't sleeping in your house that night, that they're hundreds of miles away in a very strange city at a very strange time, well, tears. The headline for this piece is simply Roots and Wings. My friend Tom Mulhern, who used to work at the Postcrescent, wrote a beautiful piece a few years back about the father-son relationship between UW-Green Bay basketball coach Dick Bennett and Tony Bennett, UWGB star player at the time. The theme of Tom's story, which was written for the Green Bay Press-Gazette, dealt with a time-honored struggle for all parents. Is it more important to give your child the firm roots needed to succeed in life, or is it more important to give your child the wings of independence to experience life on his or her own terms? Roots or wings? I've been thinking about that for a long time, and I've tried to play it down the middle, giving our kids enough foundation to make good choices when they become independent. For the past week, we've been discovering how well our parental experiment has worked. Reason for Living, that's RFL and I, left our youngest daughter, two weeks after her 18th birthday, behind in New York City, where she's attending college. A long way from home. Room to spread her wings. Reason to test her roots. A place where she can explore and expand. A school where she can learn from the best and improve her abilities. Our feelings are strong and mixed, if that makes sense. We're excited for her, and as the post-children days pass, RFL and I are gradually finding a comfort zone. We're coming to grip with the unavoidable changes in our life together. No more waiting for her to come home. No more meals for three. No more opportunity for her to pick up something for us at the grocery store. No more school concerts or summer music camps. We're selling her car, and we've already taken it off the insurance bill. But it also means that one bedroom gets, and stays, a little cleaner, and that we have a little more freedom to move about the country if we choose. And we will enjoy those benefits soon, but today, we're not thinking about them much. We miss her. We still wonder where she is, what she's doing, but there's nothing we can do about it. We've given her roots, and now we hold our breath while she spreads her wings. It's a big city, and she's a little girl. Our little girl. Last Sunday morning wasn't the leisurely talk over a long breakfast time that we had hoped it would be. In the end, the moment we'd waited 18 years to experience, the one we'd dreaded so many times, almost flew past us. She'd spent the night at her new dorm room with her new roommate, a New York City native. We stayed at the hotel, and by the time we found each other on a street near the college, it was 9.30 a.m. We needed to head to LaGuardia Airport by 11. By the time we found a deli for breakfast and got our food, it was past 10. Time enough to wolf down some food and rush back to the dorm, but not enough time for meaningful mom-and-dad-know-best conversation. We reached the dorm lobby, and RFL said, Well, this is it. I was stunned. It didn't seem right that 18 years of parenting should boil down to this is it. Not enough time to collect my thoughts and be profound. Just enough time to cry. They hugged. They sobbed. I love you so much, the kid told her mother. I love you too, said mom. A security guard at the lobby desk some 20 yards away heard the sniffs and saw the embrace. Don't cry, don't cry, she said. A minute later, the guard came closer, offering a roll of toilet paper to wipe away the tears. Don't cry. You'll be fine. You're with us, she said, drawing a laugh. The kid stepped back to wipe her face and then hugged me like I've never been hugged. I love you so much, she said. I love you with everything I have, I told her. I'm so proud of you and so excited for you, but I'm going to miss you so much. I'm going to miss you too, she said through the tears. You and mom have been so good to me. You guys have done so much for me. Nothing was left to say. A few minutes later, her still sobbing, we left her to find out if she has what it takes to develop a singing career. She has friends already. She's called every night and we chat online. She's doing well. But we might discover a new person when she comes home for Christmas. By then, she'll have four months of independence behind her. That's when we'll see how well we've done. Right now, I like our chances. Roots will give you strong wings. That's today's post for the Sunday column. August 26, 2023. Hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to leave any feedback in the comments section below or on Facebook. Do a search there for the Sunday column. Also feel free to like or follow that page on Facebook. I'm hoping to return with a new post later this next week before the Labor Day weekend. No promises, no guarantees, but at this date, that is the plan. So have a great weekend, friends. Thanks for the support for the Sunday column at danelflanery.com. Thank you so much. Take care. Be safe. Have a great weekend. Bye.