Episode #002 Drowning Cockles

The speaker is recording episode 2 of their podcast and discussing their thoughts and experiences. They mention wanting to have a camera for video episodes and describe watching the Planet of the Apes movies. They find the old movies entertaining but also terrifying, as they had a nightmare about being chased by apes. They comment on the graphics and effects of the old movies, finding them comical compared to modern films. They discuss the gender representation in the movies and share a funny story about taking too much of an edible and experiencing a high while driving. They also mention buying nicotine pouches at a gas station while being high. Alright, welcome to episode 2 of Cockles of the Heart. I was thinking all day, you know, if I ever get a following, you guys can be my little cocklings or my cockles or I don't fucking know, some stupid shit, but, hell yeah, it's fucking, it's just the very next day after I made episode 1, um, I don't know, I'm just kind of making these as I got time, getting some practice in, getting some more episodes in, trying to get better, and, uh, you know, I was thinking, man, it'd be nice to have a camera, I'd like to make, like, actual videos of the whole podcast, but also it's kind of nice not having to sit, like, I'm just sitting on my couch right now and there's just shit all over the place, it's a little bit messy, you know, I'm not wearing a shirt, skipped a shower today, so it's kind of nice not having a camera, I don't have to fucking make myself look presentable at all, but, uh, you know, one day I'd love to have, uh, like a, like have my guest room be like a studio and have some cool shit on the walls, you know, maybe a neon sign or two, something like that, but, uh, for now, we're just gonna do it blind and we're just gonna do audio, so, uh, I just got done, I've been watching Planet of the Apes, I watched all the new ones in order, and now I'm going back and watching the old ones, and I forgot how fucking terrifying the apes are in the old Planet of the Apes, it's basically just regular people with masks on, but it's just like, there's just something eerie and weird about the rubber mouths they got on them and stuff, and how, like, weird their eyes look and shit, I actually, last night, I had a fucking nightmare that I was on the Planet of the Apes, uh, I just finished watching the, uh, second to newest one, and I literally had a nightmare that I was running around, getting chased around by a bunch of, uh, chimps and gorillas and shit, so, gave me fucking nightmares, I'll probably have more nightmares tonight, I just watched the 19, I think it's 1968 or 1963 Planet of the Apes, and it is actually really fucking fun to watch, those old 70s movies, like, the definition of a big sexy man back then versus now is just unreal, it's like, it's like super skinny bony guy with fucked up teeth and he's got, like, his hair slicked back and he's, like, partially balding and he's got this big bushy hairy chest and, you know, he, like, talks like Clint Eastwood and, I don't know, it's pretty fucking comical, and, like, the graphics and, like, the sound effects when they punch each other and the chase scenes are just unreal, like, there's a part where the apes are chasing him around, like, their little village, and you can tell, it looks like, like, stucco, like, rock structure buildings, but you can tell it's just plastic and they painted it to look like rock, and then as he's, like, dodging and jumping over things, it's nothing, you know, like, compared to today, they're, like, jump off a cliff and swing across a vine and, you know, get all fucked up and this is, like, super, like, running up the stairs, running down the stairs, jumping off the side of the stairs and, like, karate chopping someone's neck but not even hitting them or, like, he hits him with, like, this little bat thing and you can tell it's just made out of, like, it's, like, stuffed leather looking thing, like, the effects are just fucking hilarious and, I don't know, it was, uh, it's pretty fucking entertaining to watch. I think I got, I didn't realize they made so many Planet of the Apes, like, the old ones from the 70s, because there's, like, five or six of them, so, um, after I'm done with this episode, I'm gonna eat a big fat fucking edible and just watch Planet of the fucking Apes, probably the rest of the weekend. I'll probably watch it all day tomorrow, too, but, uh, I don't know. I have watched every good movie there fucking is that's, like, within the last 10 years, so now I'm, like, branching out to some of the old classics, like Planet of the Apes. Uh, I actually started to make myself laugh that I was sitting here, you know, I watched the new ones and then I started watching the old ones. I'm, like, dude, this is, like, this is, this feels like Star Wars, you know, like, Star Wars are still going with more Star Wars movies and they're getting better and the old effects are super fun to watch and stuff, but it's, like, it's, like, Star Wars if Joe Rogan made it. It's, like, a Joe Rogan Star Wars, you know, if you listen to this podcast at all, you know exactly what I mean and hopefully you're also laughing with me because this is, this has got Joe Rogan written all over it, like, conspiracy theories and the man in the beginning of something else and how chimps are fucking crazy and whatever, but, yeah, I don't know. I thought it was pretty funny. I was also trying to notice, you know, like, the movies nowadays, they've got, you know, they include every race and gender and disability and, you know, sexual preference and shit like that and in the very beginning of the movie, uh, of this first Planet of the Apes, there's three men and a woman. They're on a spaceship. I'm like, oh, wow, they got a, they got a lead role for a woman. That's, you know, that's pretty dope for the 70s and she's literally the first person to die. She doesn't even make it off the ship. She, like, dies in her little sleep cave thing on the ship and it was like, oh god, like, I wonder how much they paid her, like, all right, you're gonna lay here sleeping and you're gonna look like yourself, but the next scene that you're in, you've died a year ago, so your body's all old and gross and shriveled and dead and then that's it for your part of the movie, so now you can get the fuck out. Now we're gonna make the rest of this movie, so, um, yeah, I gotta learn how to edit some of this stuff. I was gonna edit some stuff yesterday out of that first podcast and I was just so tired and I was like, yeah, you know what? Joe Rogan doesn't edit his podcast, so neither am I. Fuck that, but, um, I've actually got a super fucking funny, well, hopefully you guys think it's funny, story from, uh, last weekend, so I don't do any drugs at all anymore except for edibles and I just eat edibles so I can sleep better. It helps me sleep through the night, helps me fall asleep, you know, helps get rid of all the anxiety and the, you know, being wound up from, you know, a day of work or whatever the fuck it may be, um, but I, I fucking, I took way too much of an edible. I'm kind of a pussy when it comes to edibles. I gotta eat little bits and pieces. I can't usually eat a whole one, so these ones are like 50 milligrams and usually I have half of one and I'm fucking zooted, but the other night on the weekend I ate a whole one and I didn't eat it until like fucking midnight or some shit like that and I went to sleep like right away, like, I think I fell asleep before it even hit me, so the next morning I had somewhere I had to be and I woke up and I was like, fuck me, I am high as shit, you know, but, you know, I'll take a shower, I'll eat some breakfast, drink a couple cups of coffee, wake myself up, I'll be just fine. I gotta make it to this appointment, I gotta be there, so I go to leave after showering and eating all that shit and as I'm driving I'm like, holy fuck, like, I don't, I don't know if I can do this. I don't think I could talk to anybody right now, like, I'm, like, I'm freaking the fuck out and so when I jump in the car the windows are a little foggy and so I just jump in, take off, turn on the defrost as high as I can and for some fucking reason it made the windows even foggier and it was late enough in the morning that I was driving right into the sun and I suddenly, I couldn't see fucking anything and it was terrifying because I couldn't see the road, I couldn't see any cars, people on the side of the road, I was like, fuck, fuck, fuck, like, I need to pull over, god damn it, I'm so fucking high, I'm so scared right now, so I, like, stick my head out of the fucking window like an idiot and then park in front of this, like, truck depot place and I sit there, like, trying to collect myself, trying to, like, psych myself out of this, like, hole that I've fallen into and waiting for the windows to defrost so that I'm like, all right, you know, I might just have to cancel this shit, I might have to turn around and just go home because I'm, I'm too fucking high, I shouldn't be driving, this is stupid, but as a final test I'll try to talk to people, I'll go to the gas station, I'll get some pouches, I take nicotine pouches, I've smoked cigarettes for 10 years and nicotine pouches are, like, the only thing that has helped me quit smoking cigarettes, so it's been a little over two years since I've smoked, like, cigarettes regularly, you know, I've obviously gotten drunk and cheated and smoked one here and there, but I haven't purchased a whole pack of cigarettes in over two years and that's, like, the hardest addiction I've ever had to fucking kick, but anyway, so I go to the gas station, high as fuck, walk in there and I'm like, you know, I'm gonna buy, what did I get, I think I got another cup of coffee, somehow managed to put together a cup of coffee with some fucking creamer in it, get up to the front desk and I need some pouches, so usually this gas station has, like, three for five bucks, they're super fucking cheap, super great deal, I've been buying pouches from there the whole time that I've lived here, I go in there, gas station tenant guy's there, he's like, what can I get you, I said, I need three of these and I just hold out my empty can of pouches, I said, I need three of these, like, some fucking Neanderthal and he goes, but he says something and I'm just like, I know I understand exactly what you're saying, you're saying it clearly, but I just cannot properly read it in my head, I can't figure it out in my head, I have no idea what the fuck this guy's saying and I just repeat myself, I go, three of these and he says the same thing and I realize he's saying they're not on sale anymore and I was like, fuck, one of them, give me one of them, talking like a fucking psycho and at this point he knows there's something fucking wrong with me, so he's just looking at me real weird, gives me one and for some reason at some point I pulled every card I have out of my wallet and I just have a fistful of cards and then in my other hand I have this empty can of pouches and he's like, you know, reads me the total, or no, he doesn't read me the total, he goes, ID and I look at my hand and I look at him and I look at my hand again full of these fucking cards and realize my ID is still in my wallet, so I put all the, I put all the shit that I have in my hands all over this fucking countertop, pull out the ID, you know, show it to him, he doesn't even read it, he just looks at it and goes, okay, cool, here's your total and then I just like grab one of the cards and I slide it and it ends up working out and then I'm like, at this point I'm freaking out so bad and I'm so high and I feel like there's a giant line behind me and everyone's judging the fuck out of me, I just scoop all the shit that's on the counter and dump it into one pocket and I get the fuck out of there, sit in the car for a little bit and I'm like, yeah, fuck this shit, so I skipped my appointment, went home, went right back to fucking sleep, it was absolutely fucking terrifying, it's, it's crazy, like I have abused and used so much of every single drug and never got too high on any of them and I was fine and then like the wimpiest, shittiest, safiest, safest drug there is, weed, I cannot handle that shit, I freak out every time, when I was in high school I used to tell people I was allergic to marijuana because it fucked me up so fucking bad, I'd get drunk and be like, oh, you know, I could smoke weed, I'm cool, you know, I'll smoke, I'll smoke some weed with these bitches, you know, try to impress them, I take one hit and I'm fucked up, I've had multiple times where I'm at a party and I'm drunk, I smoke weed and then I have to call someone to come get me and then I just do an Irish goodbye and get the fuck out of there, one time it was one of my exes and we had broken up at that point, so that was fucking embarrassing as shit, I was at like some barbecue and I was with a couple chicks I went to high school with and one of them smoked weed, so I smoked with her and I had a full-on fucking panic attack in the bathroom and I sat in there for like half an hour, 45 minutes and called my ex to come pick my ass up and then the second time I was at a party playing cards against humanity and I was like, fuck, I don't even know how old I was, I was, it was like a bunch of 21 year olds and I was in like my mid to late 20s, I believe, so I didn't fit in anyway, so I tried to smoke weed to fit in with the cool kids and fucked up, so instead of panicking in the bathroom, I just went outside and stood outside for an hour and it was freezing fucking cold and I had a big little fucking pussy ass jacket and I called my older sister and I'm like, hey, I'm fucked up, I don't want to drive, please come get me, now, please, hurry, and as she's on her way and I'm freezing to death, the most logical thing I could think of is, hey, why don't you go check a bunch of door handles on these cars so that you can climb inside one so you don't freeze to death instead of just going back inside like a normal human, why don't we just like get in trouble by pulling these fucking car doors, so I end up finding this fucking 15 passenger van and the door's unlocked and I go in there and I straight up fall asleep in some random person's fucking van, high as fuck, until my sister came and picked me up, so, yeah, I don't know, it's stupid, like, I accidentally get too high all the fucking time, I'm always pushing the limits, I'm always thinking like, oh, I gotta, I gotta get my tolerance up, let's eat too much of this shit and then have a fucking panic attack and then do it again the next fucking night, so, yeah, it's, uh, you know, it's crazy wild shit. Needless to say, I will not be going back to that gas station ever again because I know that dude knew I was high as fuck because of that and also, fuck them, they got rid of their discount, so I'm going back to the other gas station at the other end of the street and then they can have my business and see how high I get and, uh, try to operate in humanity, so. I don't know what it is, I just cannot get a tolerance for fucking weed at all, ever, I've never had a good tolerance, it always has been so fucking low, like, it takes nothing to get me to absolutely freak out and be too high. I remember one time, long, long time ago, um, I was hanging out with my youngest brother's buddies and we're at my parents' house, hopefully my mom doesn't listen to this podcast, I mean, it's so long ago, get over it, mom, nothing happened, we're okay, but, um, I had never done a dab before in my life and my little brother's buddies are little fucking peer pressures and, you know, I'm big brother to not only my brother but to my little brother's buddies, you know, they looked at me like a big brother, so they egged me on to do a dab and I was like, all right, fuck it, you know, I gotta show these young pups how to fucking run, you know, and I take a dab and I just cough my fucking brains out, like, I, like, I felt like blood was gonna start coming out because I was coughing so goddamn hard and I just didn't say shit and I coughed my ass all the way to bed and I just laid in bed and I swear to god I died like five times in my fucking sleep before I finally made it to the morning and it was absolutely fucking awful, so for some reason smoking it fucks me up way worse than edibles, I think the edibles it's because it's so gradual and I can kind of brace myself a little bit as it comes, but even then, like, once I've, once I have the thought in my head, like, did I, did I take too much? I've taken too much and I absolutely lose my shit, like, I try to put on movies, try to, like, pace myself, try to, like, get myself out of my own head, but, like, holy shit, I can't, I gotta go to the bathroom before I get high, that's how bad it is. I used to have a little one hitter back when me and my brother lived together a few years ago and I'd take, I'd have to go to the bathroom, I remember stinkily, I'd have to go to the bathroom before I smoked off of this one hitter because I was getting so fucking high that I couldn't go to the bathroom, like, I had to put my hands up and walk along the walls on each side to keep myself from falling over and then when I went to take a piss I had to sit down to pee and half the time I'd end up falling asleep on the fucking toilet peeing and, uh, it's just un-fucking-real, like, I can drink a fucking 30 rack of beer in a day and not get as fucked up as I do off of, like, one hit of, like, green marijuana, so. Yeah, um, me and my, me and my youngest brother are definitely the closest out of the five, like, my other brothers and sisters have, like, college degrees and they're married and they're, their partners usually have college degrees and then, you know, they got houses and their debts paid off and then, and then me and, I mean, my little brother's actually doing better than me, but me and him, uh, you know, we both been to jail, we both got tattoos, we both partied our we both got tattoos, we both partied our asses off, we both have done super dumb shit, but we're also, like, the most fun out of the five, like, we're definitely the class clowns at every family reunion and stuff and it used to be me and him were the only single ones, but now he's engaged to the most amazing fucking fiancée ever, I fucking love her, she's amazing, she's perfect for him and they're just an amazing couple and I love it, but now I'm gonna be the last one to get married, I'm the second oldest out of five, I know it's not a big deal, but, you know, when you show up to the family event and everybody's married and they're talking about their houses and their kids and this and that and I'm like, I got a super nice apartment, it's got a spare bedroom in it, yippee skippy, you know, I got two fucking cats, that's cool, I keep them alive, like, you know, it's, it's a little fucking embarrassing, but my brother, my brother never makes me feel stupid, he, he's always there right with me and he's cool as fuck, like, me and him have done so much fucking shit, it's been so much fun throughout our lives, like, when he was little, so he was, he was the surprise child is what my mom calls him, I called him the burden of the family because we were so broke already with just four kids and then my parents accidentally had him and then we were like, like, rock bottom, like, poor, poor, poor, and it's because we, you know, we planned out four kids and had an accidental one, so I always gave him shit, but he's always been a tough motherfucker, like, we used to get him, we had some neighbors, the pastor lived next door and they had two daughters and a son that was Lane's age and then we had some Mormon neighbors that lived up the street and they had five boys and a girl, so we always had my little brother and his little buddy, like, do shit, like, pull us around on the wagon or we'd make them do, like, stupid shit, like, uh, I don't know, climb up trees, we'd fucking play tackle football and just smash the fuck out of them and crush them and, um, especially his buddy, his buddy was, like, a fucking ox, we'd have him pull, like, five of us around on a fucking wagon all day, we'd, uh, teach my brother all sorts of shit, like, shooting birds with a BB gun or, uh, lighting shit on fire, we taught him how, this is really bad, uh, he was, like, he couldn't have been more than 10 years old, he was young as fuck and we found a spray can and a lighter and so we taught him how to light the lighter and then use the spray can to make a giant flame and we told him a couple times, like, all right, just little, little sprays, don't hold onto it because it'll go back in the can, it'll blow up in your hand and you'll lose your fingers and he's like, all right, yeah, I can do it, I can do it, so he does it and he holds onto the fucking thing and I gotta smack it out of his fucking hand because the flame's going all the way up to the nozzle, so we, we panic, smack it out of his hand, fucking run away, the thing's smoking a little bit and then after, like, you know, five, ten minutes down, then it's probably safe, we go up to it and the flame's got so close to the can that it actually melted the little hole shut from the heat of the fire, so, like, it's a fucking miracle that none of us got fucked up from our childhood because, like, as I said the last episode, we kind of grew up on a little farm, uh, it's like eight acres, nothing huge, and then all the houses were, like, spaced out, like, you know, quarter mile, you know, a few hundred yards, stuff like that, so it was kind of spread out and it actually worked out really good that the neighbors, uh, the Mormon neighbors had a bunch of boys and a girl because they're all about our age and we just did, like, stupid crazy redneck shit all fucking summer when we didn't have school, like, uh, one of the Mormon sons bought a go-cart, it was a mad dog go-cart and it was a one-seater, but we were able to get, like, let's see, one, two, three, four, five, six, we could get seven people on this one-person go-cart, so we had one lay across the, the, uh, roll bars on the front, one on each side hanging off the side, one hanging off each corner of the back, and then two people in the front, one person on the gas, one person on the brake, even though the brake didn't fucking work, like, at all, and we'd just rip around through fields and that shit all the time, hitting jumps, racing each other, they also had one of those, like, three-wheelers from the 80s that they made illegal because they roll over so easy, and we'd make a little racetrack and race each other on that shit, and of course we weren't wearing fucking helmets, none of that shit, we were lucky if we were wearing shoes and shirts, you know, we'd eat shit on our bikes all the time, we'd make jumps out of plywood and fuck our faces up and get gravel stuck in our hands, we'd run around with BB guns and shoot shit, and then, you know, the, the movie Grown Ups, when, uh, like, David Spade and, um, fuck, Paul Blart, Adam Sandler, and all those guys are shooting the arrow straight up in the air, and then they stand there and wait for it, when I saw that, I was blown away because I never knew that anybody else actually played that game, because we literally actually played that fucking game. Up at the Mormon place, people's house, they had, uh, like, big fields, like, they had, like, this, this dirt field that was shaped in a circle, like the, uh, the old sprinkler system used to run in a big circle, and that's where we'd play, we'd stand in the middle, we'd shoot that shit straight up in the air, and whoever was the last one that didn't move from their spot won the game. Half the time, honestly, we never found the fucking arrow, we'd lose arrows all the time, it never really got that close to us, and we were little kids, so we'd stress out when we were shooting the fucking thing, and it ended up shooting sideways, so it wasn't even as dangerous as they made it look on that fucking show, it wasn't even that bad. We did stuff like that, they had a giant, huge, I think it used to be, like, a cattle farm barn, because it was, like, this giant warehouse, but it had, like, little troughs all the way to the length of the, uh, the barn, where it looks like they'd put hay and stuff, and the cattle would eat, but instead of their, you know, there was no cattle, it was just full of shit, which is, like, every little kid's fucking dream back then, just all sorts of stuff, like, barrels of random shit, and tools, and, you know, furniture, and clothing, and skis, and skates, and, you know, and all this stuff was probably, like, 20, 30, 40 years older than we were, and, uh, so we just fucked around on that barn all the time, find all sorts of shit. If you found any kind of nails, that was a big score, because we just nail nails into logs, and trees, and shit for no reason. I don't know what it is, but, like, like, the masculine urge to drive a nail into something is, like, all the way from your childhood, like, we did that shit all the time. You know, if you found spray cans, that was a huge one. It was so hard to find spray cans that weren't empty already, or fucked up, or at least still had the cap on it, so you could still use it. There was just something satisfying about spray painting plywood, even if you weren't, like, drawing a picture, writing anything, you just cover the whole thing, just because, you know, whatever, and it smelled good. Anything that made any kind of fire, you know, find old oil cans, you'd squirt the oil out and light it on fire. Magnifying glasses were always a good find. Everyone, um, everyone kind of had their own magnifying glass after a while, because you'd, like, burn shit with it, you know, more fire, more, you know, woohoo man stuff, burning shit, burning bugs, um, I don't know, football helmets, any kind of helmet was fucking cool, because you put that shit on and smash our heads together. We'd climb shit all the time. We used to climb, this is really stupid, we'd climb a fucking tree right next to the power lines, and we kept throwing sticks at the power lines, because we wanted to see if it would, like, do electrical shit, but we were stupid, and we threw that one power line, and there was no way it was actually gonna do anything, but the tree that we were on, if we leaned close enough into it, would probably kill us, so, and then, uh, you know, with BB guns, we didn't know there was, like, well, we knew, but we didn't give a fuck, that there's, like, a law versus shooting certain things with guns, especially if they're out of season, but we shot any flying thing we could possibly find, and they were, like, super shitty BB guns, they were just, like, the little brass ball ones, they weren't pellet guns, so it was, like, you cocked it once and shot it, and you could actually, like, see the BB when you shot it, so you had to, like, arc it, and, uh, a lot of the times, if it was, like, a bird any bigger than a chickadee, and you were more than five feet away, it'd just bounce off of it, but, you know, we'd go out on hunting expeditions, and we'd walk deep into the forest, and, you know, we lived at the bottom of a mountain, so there's, like, a bunch of aspen trees everywhere, you know, you could find swamps, there's, like, ditches of water in it with frogs, go frog hunting, you know, just regular old fucking country hillbilly shit, and for the longest time, I thought that's how everyone grew up, I mean, we had chickens, and so when you buy chickens, you go to the store, you buy, like, 20 of them, and they're supposed to all be female chickens, but once in a while, they fuck up, and they throw a rooster in there, and you don't know it, because they all look the same, and they're babies, so when the rooster grows up, they're always mean as fuck, and I don't know what it is, like, a rooster is pretty damn small, but there's nothing more scary than a fucking rooster tucking their head and running at you, because they go so fucking fast, and it's so scary, so after a while, after getting harassed by these roosters long enough, you know, one of our parents would tell us, you know, we gotta go kill that rooster, because it clawed the fuck out of mom when she was trying to go get eggs, so they'd send our little asses out there, and they wouldn't even really give us a way to kill them, they'd just say, go kill them, so then we, like, our little tiny pea brain, you know, 10-12 year old brains had to figure out how to kill an animal, which is kind of fucked up now that I think about it, but back then, it was just a regular thing, like, you live on a farm, you gotta kill shit, so one time, the Mormon neighbors needed one of their roosters killed, so they sent us out to go kill this rooster, and all we had was, like, a bucket and some sticks, so we ended up somehow catching this rooster under this bucket, and we were able to pop its little head out, and we were going to try to get, like, an axe or something to cut its head off, but everybody was too scared, because you had to grab the head when you want to chop it, so that, you know, it didn't move its head around, so we ended up just leaving this chicken under the bucket with its head poking out and throwing rocks at it, and eventually it ended up getting out again. Another time, the Mormon neighbor's grandpa was out there with us, and he had us come out there to help him cut this chicken's head off, and same thing, he held the body, and then he held the axe, and then one of us were supposed to hold the head, but we were scared the chicken was going to bite us or peck us, so we were sitting there, like, crying, like, no, no, we're not going to grab it, we're scared, it's going to bite us, it's going to bite us, so finally, he's just like, yeah, fuck it, and he goes to, like, cut its head off, but it doesn't get all the way through, so he kind of just pushes it, this is really graphic, and I'm sorry for people that aren't animal killers, like, we were, like, little serial killers, but he, like, pushed the axe on his head, and then just kind of peeled it off, and then threw the body, and then, like, the whole run around like a chicken with its head cut off is no fucking joke, because this thing was running around, spraying blood fucking everywhere, and our little psychotic minds were just laughing our asses off, chasing it, and kicking it around like a soccer ball, and, uh, yeah, I was, I don't know, I thought everybody did that shit until I probably got to high school and realized that a lot of people just have never had to kill a chicken before, and, uh, you know, they're missing out on life, but the absolute best chicken kill story I have ever heard in my life, and it had me in tears crying the way he told it. I'll have my brother on here one of these times for sure, probably several times, but he was telling me the story how him and the preacher's kid that lived next door were sent out to kill a chicken, and they decided that the machete that Lane had wasn't sharp enough because he'd been chopping trees with that fucking shit, and, uh, so they were, they were going to drown the chicken. So, he tells the story so much fucking better, but they go out to this horse trough filled with cold ass water, and they grab this chicken, and they dunk the chicken into the water, and as they push it into the water, it's flailing around with its wings and splashing water everywhere, and kind of scaring them a little bit, and they're like, oh my god, it holds its breath for so long. I think the way he worded it was, you have no idea how long a chicken can hold its fucking breath, because I swear that thing was underwater for 20 minutes, and it would not fucking die. So, I guess Hayden, the neighbor kid, panicked and pulled the chicken out of the water, and then Lane chewed his ass out, because he's like, god damn it, now he's got a breath, now we gotta hold him in there for just as long, and not longer, because, you know, he's still holding his breath, and they held that fucker under there until it died, and after he told the story, he's kind of staring off into space, and he's like, you know, I haven't thought about that story in a long time. I feel like it kind of fucked me up a little bit. Fucking awful, but god damn, like it was, it was a weird childhood. It was different from a lot of other people's, but thinking back, like that was the best years of my fucking life. No job, girls had cooties, all you had were the friends living up the road. We rode miles and miles and miles on our bikes, up and down the road, all over the neighborhood, across fields, into the trees, into the forest, you know, we were out, you know, no cell phones, no communication with our parents, they didn't give a fuck where we were, as long as we stuck together. Like, we did shit, like we found a mountain lion kill in the middle of the trees, and then we decided we're going to go find this mountain lion and try to kill it, because it could kill one of our dogs or something. Thank god we never fucking found it, because we would have gotten fucked up, but that was, those were the good old fucking days, and I feel old as shit talking like that, but seriously, it was, I, yeah, I don't know, I see my nieces and nephews, and they're just on the iPads, and they're inside watching TV and shit all the time, and like, all we had was a big, giant, heavy-ass, shitty TV that we weren't really allowed to use during the day, because we were supposed to be outside, and then we had a Super Nintendo that we could only play for a certain amount of hours a night, you know, and other than that, we were outside, in the thick of it, fucking around, pretending like we were soldiers, chopping shit down, chopping down trees, fucking spray paint, you know, just causing havoc. I mean, I shot out some windows with my BB gun, I shot out an electric meter with my BB gun, I mean, we just, yeah, it was, it was fun as fuck. I would give anything to just not have a job, take my fucking cell phone, no bills, and just fuck around in the woods for fucking 12 hours a day with a bunch of boys that live up the street, so, now I pay bills, and watch Planet of the Apes by myself, and drink Budweiser, and struggle to pay my bills, so. I don't know if I'd be up for killing a chicken, though, actually, no, I'd probably kill a chicken, I'd probably be a lot better at it, I certainly wouldn't try to fucking drown the damn thing, but yeah, shit, we're almost to 40 minutes already. So, just quick update of where I'm at with everything, obviously, I'm not going to post this out right away, I'm going to wait till we get five episodes, so you guys have more to listen to, I get a little more practice, you know, change some things if I want to, I got a Patreon set up, I got a YouTube, I got an Instagram, I got all that shit, I got the profile pictures made, the bios filled out, stuff like that, I think I just need to download, I think it's called Buzzsprout, where I can take my episodes, throw them on there, and it instantly takes it to all my different account pages and stuff, Spotify, stuff like that. If I'm, if, go ahead and let me know what app you use to listen to podcasts, and I'll make sure I get them up on there as well. I think, fuck, I don't know what I'm going to do to have you guys message me, I got to look at these different apps and see which one's the best one. I might just start out with making, like, a throwaway email address that you guys can just send shit in, so, like, the only mail that I'm ever going to get is going to be all from you guys, your questions, your recommendations, anything like that, and I'll start reading them off, but the first five episodes are going to be kind of hard, going to be kind of shitty, kind of boring, because, obviously, I don't have the opportunity to have you guys email me yet, so, I sent this, I sent out the first episode of my brother to listen to, I haven't heard back from him on it yet, I sent it to my other buddy, Jeff, haven't heard back from him on it yet, so, I'm probably going to text them both after this and ask them, ask them what they think of it so far, so, but, yeah, I'm going to go ahead and end this right now, thank you so much, if you guys listened to episode one and now you've listened to all of episode two, I promise they'll get better, I promise I'll have endless stories to tell you, it'll be more scheduled, more clean, more precise, you know, hopefully someday get a camera, get a co-host, get some interviews in, and thank you so much to everybody who is supporting me through these first few episodes and listening to my bullshit and spreading the word, so, thank you so much, love you guys, I love all my little cockles, so, have a great night and see you on episode three.