Friends and The "Forever" Feeling

The speaker, Callie, discusses the topic of friendships and how they can change and evolve over time. She shares her own experiences in high school and how her friend group shifted, but she ultimately found lifelong friendships. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing when friendships are no longer serving you and being open to new connections. Callie also mentions the difference between high school and college friendships, particularly in the context of being in a musical theater program. She concludes by saying that it's okay to outgrow people and spaces and to make decisions that are best for oneself. Well, hi there! Hey! My name is Callie, and welcome to the second episode of Cece's from Cece. That's me! Happy motherfucking Monday, people! Alright, now that that's out of my system, um... I'm actually recording this quite early in the morning. I've just been awake for a long time, and it's because I'm so excited to talk to you about our topic for today, which is friends and the forever feeling. So, let's get into it! So, I actually was just listening to this podcast by Mel Robbins. If you don't know who she is, you have to get on that. She's incredible. And she came out with this podcast episode a few weeks ago that is called 13 Things I Wish I Knew in My 20s, which, of course, is a big topic that we are going to be discussing here, because that's the target audience, and that is your host, me. But she said something that I felt like really resonated with me, and I feel like with this topic as well, which is the idea that in your 20s, that's when you're going to outgrow things and outgrow people, and that is okay that that happens. And she was talking about how it's very important to recognize the spaces that are starting to feel like they're kind of closing in on you, you know? And it just doesn't feel right, but you want to hold on because, oh, I've been friends with them since childhood, or, oh, I really wanted to be their friend, blah, blah, blah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's okay. This is a season of change, and from 20 to 30, for the next 10 years of your life, it's going to be painful. There are going to be a lot of changes, a lot of crazy things that happen that you thought never would happen. You're going to lose friendships that you thought would be forever. But it's because you're making space for the things that are going to be the most important in your life, for the people who are going to be at your wedding, who are going to be your maid of honor. I mean, maybe you already have your maid of honor. Maybe you're already married. Awesome. I would love to see pictures. Email them to me. But it's just the idea that nothing is really guaranteed to stay the same forever, and you can't hold on to things or hold on to spaces that you have, in fact, outgrown. So when I was a freshman in high school, and I think we all can vouch for the fact that when we were all freshmen in high school, it was really fucking awkward and hard because it's like you're transitioning from middle school, and it's weird, and people are discovering that they have bodies and they're going through puberty, and everything feels weird and awkward and unfortunate and embarrassing. And I remember in my experience when I first got to high school, I mean, I was this girl with clear braces because my talent agency didn't want me to have, like, color that would deter other casting agencies from, you know, sending me out for auditions, and I drew my eyebrows on too thick. I wore really crazy outfits that for the majority of them, they were from my mom's closet, and I thought I looked so good. And I remember I ended up finding myself in this really big, large friend group, and I think it was probably, like, 15-plus people, which you can already smell the red flags from a mile away. There's a little person screaming at the back of my head that's like, no, no, no, no, no, this is too many people. But everyone wants to feel like they fit in, they're being included, you know. So I was like, you know what, this is something – this is somewhere that I belong. Everyone's looking for a place to belong, and I was like, hey, this is where I belong. And I forced myself to fit that mold of what that friend group expected of me, and, like, it was a bunch of dudes and then a bunch of girls, and it was just insane. And there was a lot of things that happened. Of course, there's a lot of drama. It's high school, it's freshman year, but that friend group brought me my three, like, bestest friends in the whole world that I still talk to and still hang out with to this day, even though we all don't live in the same area anymore. You know, I moved to New York, two of them are in Maryland, and one of them is up in the mountains of North Carolina, which is where I'm from, not a little tidbit about me. Anyway, I still don't know where that came from. But it's like, you know, if I hadn't gone through that and if I hadn't experienced that, then I wouldn't have found these forever friendships that I know I'm going to have forever. I know these people are going to be at my wedding or in my wedding. I also don't want to fail to shout out the other people that I, like, still keep in touch with. But, I mean, that friend group shifted, and people left, and I'm still very close with another girl who also left that friend group, which, funny enough, we actually really had this, like, rivalry, like, going on. And it was this crazy thing. Like, you know how when people say, like, they're dating in middle school or, like, freshman year, it's like, oh, my God, like, do you want to hug today after school? I can't believe I said that. My heart is beating so fast right now. It was just shit like that, you know. And I still, like, it cracked me up so bad because she would date someone, and then I would date someone, and then it would just kind of go back and forth. And we didn't like each other for the longest time because, I don't know, like, we just never understood each other. And after high school is when we really started to get close because we were like, wow, like, this whole time, like, we were really just, like, jealous of each other and wanting to be each other's friend. And now she's also one of my closest friends. And she visited me in New York a few months ago, which was so fun. But it's just crazy how things work out that way, and it's crazy how you can go from literally hating someone and misunderstanding them to them being one of your closest friends and knowing everything about you. But like I was saying, you know, if things didn't work out the way that they did, was that English? If things did not look out the way I, oh, my God, I'm sick of myself. Knock it off. Sorry. But if things didn't work out in the way that they did, even if, you know, in the moment things happened and I thought that my life was over because I'm going through all these things and feeling all these feelings and I'm dramatic and, you know, it ended up okay. And it's going to be okay for you, and you're going to end up with this circle of people, even if it's small. Okay, and that's another thing. That's another thing right there. You're only going to have a really small amount of people that you can probably count on one hand that are really your true friends. And, you know, it's nice to have these large circles, but I know everyone has had experiences with, like, people talking shit about them. And, like, you know, in my experience, like, freshman year I was in this big circle, but then it was like, you know, within that you have this really tiny group that you know is really solid. And other than that, you don't owe anybody anything. You're not going to be everybody's cup of tea or shot of whiskey or I don't know what other analogy there is. Email me. But you're not going to be for everybody, but you're going to know who your people are when you find them. And when you find them, hold on to that, but also know that things like that, sometimes they don't last forever. And it's okay to move on from spaces or people that you have outgrown. Like, I actually was on a run this morning, and I, you know how, like, in the sidewalks, you know, I mean, it happens a lot in New York because there's really not much wildlife here. I saw a squirrel and I got excited, which I hate squirrels because there are squirrels everywhere back in North Carolina. I think they're so irritating, and they piss me off because I know they understand exactly what they're doing, and I don't think they really have the short-term memory that everyone likes to claim they do and they bury little nuts or acorns and then forget that they're there. Like, no, you did not forget. You know it's there. You're just here to wreak havoc and be a little annoying rodent. Anyway, but you see, the sidewalks have started to push upwards because the roots of these trees are too big to be contained by the cement that keeps them in the ground. And it's honestly a really beautiful thing, even though it's quite possible that you can twist your ankle because some of those roots be growing up real high, girlfriend, let me tell you. But it's a nice thought that you don't have to feel like you're contained to certain things or certain people or certain friendships. You don't owe anybody anything, no matter the longevity of the experience or your family's or close, or like, it's just, you know, it's up to you to decide what's right for you and what's wrong for you, and it's your decision. Nobody else's. And, yeah. Be like a tree. Be like a tree. That being said, high school and middle school are very different from college. Yeah. I'm nodding my head. I wish you guys could see me right now. I'm nodding my head very violently, yes. They're extremely different. Extremely different. And for me, I, you know, am in a musical theater program, so you kind of find friendships that way because you're around each other all the time. That's also how you, you know, there is a really fine distinction, a fine line, no pun intended. I have an UQ. Between professionalism and between friendship sometimes, especially in this industry. And there's nothing wrong with that because you don't have to be everybody's friend, but you do have to treat everyone with respect and, you know, be under the assumption that they are also treating you with that same respect, whether or not you are in that room or whether or not you are involved in a conversation. Freshman year, I, because the majority of my friends from, you know, back home or, you know, my close circle from there, you know, they don't do theater. So I get to have friends that are on a different side of things and don't have the same amount of understanding that I do of what I do, and it's not something that I necessarily have to really get into or talk about, and I can be the part of myself that enjoys things like modern day music. Like I don't have to listen to show tunes with them. I don't have to talk about what assignment I had in acting class for that week or like, you know, how my vocal performance up went, and it's nice. But it's also nice to be able to collaborate with artists like that and to be able to have friendships with artists and to have people to lead on creatively and that, you know, support you. And like I said, you're not going to be everybody's cup of tea. People are always going to find a reason to dislike you or dislike what you're doing, and that's okay. You're not here to be liked by people. You're not here to please other people. This is your life, and it's your choice what you choose to do with it, and sometimes there are just people who are not going to like what you're doing regardless of what it is, good or bad. And, you know, everyone has the ability to make mistakes and to make bad choices, and also everyone has the ability to make really good choices and to be a really positive and kind person. And sometimes people don't like what you do no matter what, and that's not about you. It's not a personal reflection of who you are. It's just a projection of other people's insecurities that they're putting onto you because they don't want to deal with the inner work that they have to do to be able to heal. And I hope that anybody who, just like I've experienced this as well. I know what it feels like to feel that way, and it fucking sucks. It's horrible. It's a horrible feeling to feel like you're constantly comparing yourself to other people and to feel like you have to dislike other people and feel bad about yourself because of their successes or their wins. Like, you don't have to do any of that at all. Briefly, you know, kind of mention this in episode one about how, you know, everybody's on their own path, and people are going to be passing you. You're going to be passing other people, and it rings true in every aspect of your life, and you're constantly going to run into that, of the comparison monsters. Oh, this person's doing this, or, like, this person got a raise, like, blah, blah, blah. It's a thief of joy. Jealousy is a disease. Get well soon, bitch. With love. XOXO. So, as I was saying, college is very, very different. And let's talk about why that is. So, freshman year, I, you know, obviously, I roomed, and they really, you know, wanted us to room with somebody else who's in the program in the same grade. And I got really lucky, and I got a really, really good roommate. We had both taken a gap year, and it just kind of, like, made sense. And I live with her now. She's one of my roommates, and she's incredible. Shout-out to her. Truthfully, don't know what I would do without her. Just a ball of sunshine, an incredible human being. I love her so much, and I appreciate her so much. But I remember one of the first times that we had kind of tried to go, and, you know, my school hosts these, like, little events and stuff that are almost like frat mixers, but there's no alcohol, and there's no sex and no drugs. And, like, you know, you're just there to, you know, talk to people and get to know the school better. And my school is also really highly known for nursing as well. And I remember we were sitting at this table, and we were talking about how we really wanted to find, you know, some friends there that, you know, weren't in the musical theater program. And we were both very determined, like, you know, we can do this. People seem nice enough. I'll never forget. After this event, we were outside playing, like, manhunt or something. Like, it was something that, like, the dorm had organized. And we were playing manhunt, and we saw these, like, two girls sitting on a bench, and we were like, oh, let's go talk to them. So we go up to them, and we start trying to talk to them, and they're just being really short with us and, like, really rude. And especially after we said that we were M.T. students, they were like, oh. And in my mind, I was like, why are they being weird towards us? You know, like, you go through every thought. You go through the five stages of grief. And you're like, why don't you feel like me? Be my friend, please. And obviously, it's not like it wasn't fucking kindergarten where you could just walk up to a bitch and be like, want to be best friends? She's like, yeah. And then you go and swing on the motherfucking slingshot together. Like, it doesn't work like that. People are so judgy, so judgmental. And they, like, didn't really want to talk to us. They weren't vibing with us. They were like, oh, okay. And I remember we were in our dorm room later talking about it. Like, what happened with that? Like, we were just trying to have a conversation and trying to ask them about themselves. And they were just not into it. It's like when a dude comes up to you at a bar and he's, like, asking you, like, yeah, where are you from? Like, you know. And it felt like small talk. And it felt like I was – it felt like we had come up to these women and that we were somehow bothering them because we just wanted to know and, like, you know, be their friends. And that was kind of something that continues to happen on campus. Like, there was another experience where we were in the dining hall. I noticed that there was these – like, this group of girls sitting at the table behind us. And I could tell they were nursing majors and, you know, not that I was eavesdropping, but, you know, they were talking about something that they had in, like, a class. And I turned and I was like, hey, guys. Like, my name is Callie. And I was like, you guys are all, like, really pretty. Like, you know, like, how's your day going? Like, how have your classes been? And they just, like, looked at me like I was crazy. It was silent. The silence was so loud. Like, this is me. I was like, oh. And then I slowly turned around. It was cinematic. It was an experience. And it hurt my feelings because I was like, is that just not a normal thing to do? It's not normal to, like, speak to people? Is it not normal to want to make friends? But, yeah, learn that the hard way. But also, you know, I go to a small school, and the majority of people are commuters or already knew each other from high school. So it kind of makes it hard, I guess, to, like, enter circles or to, you know, form friendships like that. But, you know, some were formed, and I'm very grateful for the ones that I do have. I haven't seen them in a while, but, you know, we'll be back in Better Than Ever soon enough. I also just want to say for the record that I do not, I still do not have a lot of this figured out, you know. And I'm in the same boat as you probably are, if you're listening to this. And it's a lot. And I, you know, have set goals for myself for this year that I really want to try and make friends at other schools and speak to more people, compliment more people in and out. Because the way that Mel Robbins put it, and the way that I have kind of, like, taken this, it's like the more you're willing to compliment somebody in public or ask somebody a question about the book they're reading or say, oh, I like your shoes. Like, where did you get those from? Like, the more you will see your circle grow naturally without it having to feel forced or feel like you're grappling for someone's attention or, you know, for somebody to find you interesting enough to come up and, like, talk to you or to make a comment to you or make a joke to you on the subway or when you're outside, like, walking by somebody who's taking their dog to take a piss. Like, it's, you know, there are ways to naturally kind of fuel that and to also build your own confidence, too. Because I know when COVID happened, which is another thing we'll get into here, it was really hard, obviously. I mean, it was hard for everybody because, you know, you have to stay home for such a long time and, like, it was a really scary thing. We didn't know much about it yet. And it was, like, hard to go for so long without seeing people and then the social distancing thing. And I know personally I developed pretty severe social anxiety that I feel like I still deal with even though I have graduated from therapy now and that was definitely something that I tackled with that and then with life coaching as well. It's a very real thing, and it can be hard. And especially with technology and social media, it can be very hard to connect with people in real life. And that's something that I've been working on as well, you know, just being more willing to lead with an open heart and to talk to people, just talk to people and see the wonders that it does for you and for your confidence and for making friendships, making new friends, especially in big cities like New York. It can be hard, and there's a lot of people, but you got to play your cards right. I also want you to know that if nobody has told you or if you don't feel reassured on this, that it's okay to not have a bunch of friends, and it's okay to go through periods where you feel you don't necessarily fit just right in a space, but just know that there are some spaces that you're in that you're meant to be there whether people like it or not, and it's your job to just do what you think is best for you and for the people that you love and to lead with kindness and empathy above anything. A person that knows how to be empathetic is a person that's going to be successful in anything, whether it's a friendship, a relationship, like anything. If you can be an empathetic person, then you're going to go far in life. That's why I'm someone who is very empathetic, and I feel very deeply, very deeply, and I think at a time I used to consider that a bad thing, and now I don't because it's a beautiful thing. It's not my downfall. I think sometimes it can be a bit of a little kryptonite barrier for me when I get embarrassed about it or if I'm having big emotions and I'm trying to sort through that and journal it out and meditate it out and figure out what's going on, but I think it's such a beautiful thing to feel so deeply. And, you know, I've been through a lot of things. I'm sure you guys have been through a lot of things too that have been really life-changing, life-altering, even though we're so young, and I mean the Lumineers said it best, it's better to feel pain than nothing at all because it just means you're human, and it means you're alive and you're having a human experience and you're reacting to the things and to the people that are around you, and you have opinions, you have thoughts, you have feelings, and that's beautiful. So if nobody has reminded you of that, and if you're somebody who is more sensitive or a feeler before they're a thinker or, you know, leads with their heart, then it's okay. There's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with that. If anything, it's an advantage. I said what I said. So the title of this podcast today is literally Friendships and the Forever Feeling, and I feel like now is the time to kind of explain what that title means because, I don't know, for me, I think the forever feeling that I kind of want to express in this episode is the feeling that this chaos of being in your 20s is going to last forever and you're going to feel the way you feel forever, you're going to feel sad forever, you're going to feel resentful or bitter forever, and you're not. You're not. And let me explain to you why. So the lifespan of an average adult is around 77 years, give or take. So right now, you're 20, you're 21, you're in your 20s somewhere in the mix, and you have a bad day. All right. A bad day is 24 hours. Oh, you have a bad week. A bad week is seven days. Oh, you have a bad month, anywhere from 28 to 31 days. You see where I'm going with this? It's not, it's more about the big picture. It's more about, okay, well, let me explain it this way. So in general, with anything, I mean, this is coming from someone who has horrible vision and hopes to find the bravery to get LASIK at some point, but when I look at anything, I wake up in the morning and I look around at anything without contacts or glasses on, it's very blurry, and I can't really get a good perspective of what I'm looking at. And, you know, my room, like, you know, for the most part, I know where everything is, but it's like if I don't have my glasses on, I can't really see specifics or see details in the way that I do when I have that clarity and the way that I do, you know, when I'm able to zoom out and able to take in a whole entire perspective of the whole picture that I'm seeing rather than just that one day or that one week or that one month where things were just really not going well for me. And I know it's cliche to say, but it really is true that you have to hit rock bottom in order to go back up. And life is a roller coaster. I'm not going to lie about that. It is, and I've had my moments just as much as the next person. We all do. Another part of being human and having a shared human experience is what makes us all, that's something we have in common, that we're all here sharing a human experience. And when you're able to zoom out and see that big picture, that is when other things start to come into focus for you. And what I mean by that is, you know, it comes into focus for you about the things that you've been missing, the little moments that you should be showing gratitude for, or, you know, just little moments of joy that you can find that you haven't been seeing because you've been so hyper-focused on this one day or this one thing that happened. And you don't have to do that. You don't have to live your life like that. And I also, too, I mean, you know, I'm a big believer in everything happens for a reason. It keeps me sane. It helps me maintain my peace and remove things and people from my life that do not help me maintain that peace. But it's like, for there to be good, there has to be bad. And honestly, like, this is something we talk about in my acting classes as well. Like, you know, if you're in a scene and it's a scene that's really depressing, there still has to be good in it, because otherwise people don't want to watch it. Because there's not variance. Like, you know, if it's a bad scene, or, no, if it's a good scene, there has to be some kind of bad in it. Because otherwise, it's like, why would I watch this if you're not going to focus on this as a whole? And I think that's a really important... I don't know if I'd call it a virtue, but it's a really important thing to think about when you're focusing and hyper-fixating and feeling sorry for yourself. And at some point, you just have to wake up and realize that you do have control over your own life and over your own emotions and how you respond and how you react. And I don't know. I just think it's beneficial, you know, to be aware of that tunnel vision that we can all have and how it affects you and how it affects how you live your life and your confidence. And, you know, this is the time to take that back and to not waste your time on things and people or waste your time focusing on things that have happened that have upset you. Like, you know, feel your feelings and then move on, learn from it, and be better. I also think that something... I mean, that I've been thinking about a lot recently is... Well, I mean, there's a lot going on in the world in general, and the world can be a very negative and hateful place. But I feel like recently I have really underestimated how powerful it is to be a kind person and to be an empathetic person and to be a forgiving person in times like this when there's so much happening. People can be so horrible and so cruel and maybe they don't even have an understanding of why they're doing it. And I feel sorry for people like that because it really, it costs nothing to be kind. And if anything, it benefits you more than it benefits the person that you're showing kindness to. Because if you can show up every day, not only for yourself but for other people and be someone who uplifts others and someone who supports others and someone who makes other people feel seen and heard, people are always going to remember the way you made them feel. They're not going to remember the things you do, but they're going to remember how they felt based off of what you do. So why make that a negative experience for someone else? And I don't just mean be nice to people who are nice to you. Like, I just mean overall. And again, a cliche, like, kill them with kindness. Like, if people are treating you shitty, I mean, one, you always have the option to remove people. I am a big believer that you don't have to be anyone's friend. You don't have to put up with any kind of treatment like that. But it's also, like, why give the satisfaction of being mean back? Like, think about it from an empathetic point of view, you know? And sometimes I say to myself, like, wow, this person must be really going through a lot to act this way or to feel like they need to treat other people this way. And I hope that someone gives them a big fucking hug and tells them that it is going to be okay. And I hope they heal from whatever they're hurting from because I know what it feels like to hurt. And I know what it feels like to want to lash out at people because you're going through this pain and you feel like nobody's going to understand. It's just you have to recognize that things other people do and say to you are not personal. I mean, of course, there's probably an exception, you know, if you're just a total aspect of a person. But, you know, if you become self-aware of that, then fix it. Don't be that person. Don't be a dick. Don't be a horrible person. We have enough of that as it is. But, you know, you wake up one day and you realize that the things that will not bother you in a week you shouldn't waste a second thinking about or something you're not going to be thinking about in a month, don't waste a day being upset over it. And, of course, you know, if you want to talk things out with your friends or if you want to journal about it or if you want to go for a walk outside or get some sunlight or listen to music or write a song or do whatever fuels you and whatever transfers those feelings that you're having into something else that's productive or something else that's creative, go for it. But it's not productive to dish out what you've been given, you know, and give it back because hurt people hurt people. And it doesn't make it okay. It's not okay, but it's up to you how you decide to receive that and whether or not you take it personally and if you choose to react. And, yeah, that's all I have to say about that. If you consistently waste your time trying to tell people how to treat you, you're going to look back on this time in your life and you're going to have so many regrets about what you've missed out on because you haven't allowed yourself to just let go and let people make their own choices and their own distinctions about you. And also, of course, know that anything I tell you, it's easier said than done, you know, but if you start, then that's a start and you're doing something. And now is not the time to wait around for things and opportunities to come to you. It's the time to put yourself out there and to start really trying to form these forever friendships and these forever bonds and to know that the forever feeling really is not forever at all, and it never was. It just feels like it. I also am so sorry for all the clicking that has happened. It's weird. I think it's the microphone, so we'll work on updating that, but... So, just to recap, don't stress out. If you feel like you're not quite sitting in or don't quite know where you belong yet, you'll figure it out. Don't be mad if you're not everybody's cup of tea. Take everybody's opinion with a grain of salt. Three, know who your people are. Find your people, keep those people, and let go of the people or the spaces that you've outgrown, and just have fun. Have fun. You're in your 20s, and now is the time to fuck up and fix it and have these experiences, and you can do it. I believe in you. I'm proud of you. But if you don't have your shit together, get your shit together and get going. Well, that is all for this week's episode, and I think, you know, it went pretty well. It was just being me talking at you again, but I really look forward to seeing you guys next Monday for another episode, which is so exciting. And I just want to thank everyone again for their continued support of this thing I'm doing that I love doing. And, of course, I'm going to link all of the little socials in the caption, and we'll leave the email again so you can send your little submissions. And thanks for being here. Bye.