Details
Date yourself. Or date someone. Not their potential.
Podcast
self helpwomen empowermentadvice
Comment
Date yourself. Or date someone. Not their potential.
Listen to Date Yourself by Callie C. MP3 song. Date Yourself song from Callie C. is available on Audio.com. The duration of song is 40:11. This high-quality MP3 track has 648.57 kbps bitrate and was uploaded on 15 Apr 2024. Stream and download Date Yourself by Callie C. for free on Audio.com – your ultimate destination for MP3 music.
In this episode, Cece talks about the importance of dating yourself and breaking off relationships that aren't fulfilling. She shares her own experiences of being a serial dater and the lessons she learned. She discusses her first serious relationship at 17 and the challenges she faced, including insecurities and trust issues. She also talks about her pattern of dating guys who lived far away and the manipulation she experienced in a subsequent relationship. Overall, she emphasizes the need to prioritize self-love and happiness in the dating world. Hello there, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Cece's from Cece, that's me. Um, happy motherfuckin' Monday. Yeah, hopefully this is your favorite time of the week, because I know it sure is for me. Alright, well, let's just get into it. So, today's episode is called Date Yourself. Mm-hmm. It's called Date Yourself. So that guy, yeah, you, that guy that I'm talking about, that you're in that situation-ship with, or that person that you're casually dating that doesn't want to commit to you, break up with them, break it off, date yourself, babe. And here's why. Can I just say that it really feels like we're getting to the point where I know you, you know me, and babe, you know you are not happy right now. You know you are not satisfied with the way that your dating life is going. And let me tell you, I wasn't either. And you want to know why? Because I was, can we get some applause for that, was a serial dater. Yeah. And I know you guys know what I'm talking about, too. Like, that person that you see who, like, literally is always in a new relationship, like, with a new person, which, you know what, good for you. But once you start doing the inner work, you realize that there are all kinds of reasons for this, and that it's actually not that impressive to constantly be in a relationship. It's not. If you guys start hearing dogs barking, just know that it's the annoying-ass dogs that live in my building, downstairs, and they never shut up. Like, maybe they should start a podcast because they have a lot to say. But, so, let me just run you guys through a bit about my dating history. And if you know me personally and have watched me go through this, you're probably going to giggle at what I'm about to say. But I was not in, I wouldn't even call it a real relationship, I guess it was, I was not in a serious and wanted-it-to-be-potential long-term relationship until I was 17 years old. Reason one being I literally did not have my license until then. I guess I was just, I mean, I'm birthday in September, like, I was kind of late to everything. But that was when I really started, you know, having boyfriends because I was able to drive and go places, and they were able to drive and, like, go on dates, et cetera, et cetera. But that's not, not that that's what happened because majority of the time people I dated did not take me on dates. Those dates included, like, going to each other's houses and hanging out, which I think in a lot of ways I definitely would consider that a date, but it's a balance, you know. So I started dating when I was 17, and the rule in my house was that I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16 anyway. By the time I hit 16, I was, like, I kept getting these weird, like, situationship-esque things before situationships existed and was, you know, like, put out there into the world. Delusionships, they were, where I would go through periods of time where I would like someone and obsess over them, and then it would end really horribly, right? You know, as one does. Also, just warning you now, not sure what the mic quality is going to sound like. Still figuring it out. It's a learning process. But, so the first relationship I was in, I actually, the way I remember it is I, somebody posted him for his birthday on their Snapchat, and I ended up adding him. We ended up talking from there. It was definitely crazy, to say the least. I learned a lot from it. We talked for about, like, two months, and then dated for about four, and then I dumped him. Which, go me, because rightfully so. But during this time, I was also going through my first round of college auditions for schools, and COVID was starting to hit, so it kind of made it hard to be able to, like, go out and do things. And, like, I was home a lot, and I was very depressed, very sad, very stressed out. And this relationship was just very, it just, yeah, it was what it was. At this time period, I was one of those that really loved to praise the bare minimum. But I don't even think this relationship, like, hit the bare minimum the majority of the time. And I had this guy on a pedestal, and I thought he was, like, the best guy ever. And I was like, oh my god, like, we're going to get married, you know, as a 17-year-old brain. Naively, thanks. Now, again, I'm not going to hit on anybody that has gone through and is still continuing to be in a relationship with, like, their high school sweetheart. I think that is so beautiful and so touching. Was not my journey. And thank fuck. I also, just for some reason, loved to date guys that lived 45 minutes away. So this is kind of, I know you guys know what I'm talking about. I don't know what it was, but this is the start of that. I think at the beginning, obviously, you know, it's very juvenile. When you get to a point where you're like, okay, there are some things that are surfacing for both of us. Like, there were some insecurities that were surfacing for me. There was a girl best friend that was surfacing for him that was talking shit about me the entire time we were in a relationship. And then one time I logged into his Snapchat, and I found the receipts of it. And I took pictures on my iPad, and I sent it to him. And I said, man, what the hell? I thought we were good. Like, what's going on? You're sitting here calling me crazy. Which created I was being a little bit crazy. But he was going behind my back. And then also I saw that he had his ex-girlfriend on Snapchat still. And that she was his number two best friend. And he was like, babe, no. We just hit streaks. And I was like, babe, you're single. Right? Crazy. And the fact that Snapchat was at the heart of it all. Like, I don't have Snapchat anymore. Which also, thank fuck for that. Because stupidest, stupidest thing ever. But it was, there were a lot of things wrong with that. And I'm not going to say I was innocent. Definitely not. But I had full right to break up with him. Which I did. And it was a long time coming. And then, okay, we'll get into that. So, interestingly enough, before I had even dumped this guy, I ended up going to this other guy, who I also ended up dating, for advice. And to figure out what to do. He was much older than me. He definitely took advantage of the vulnerability that I had. You know? And that state. Like, I had been through a lot with this other guy. There were a lot of firsts there. Did I think I was in love? No. I think I was in love with the idea of love. But I was so young, I didn't really have a concept of what love meant. And sometimes I'm still not sure I do. Like, you know, I'm learning. But it's a process. And so I went to this other guy, which was wrong with me. Completely wrong. And I was like, yeah, I think I'm going to break up with him. I just wanted to let you know. And this is a guy that I had, like, talked to and had one of those failed situations with. And this friend group that I was in at the time, he was also part of that friend group. And I was like, I just want you to know, like, I'm really sorry for the way things, like, went down between us, like, the first time. And I told him what was going on. And, of course, he was very, you know, very like, oh, I'm sorry. Like, let me know if you need anything. And then it got really crazy from there. Because I, you know, broke up with the other guy. And then I started seeing this other guy, like, immediately after. And I had told the first boyfriend, the ex, that, you know, we could be friends. And he agreed to that because he really did like me and wanted me in his life. And I was really horrible to him after the breakup. And I don't know if it was, like, I felt resentment about, like, what happened during it. Or, like, you know, there were some other things that had gone on that I think I hadn't exactly come to terms with yet. And I was just very resentful. And I remember one night I was hanging out with this friend group. I'm with this new guy. And I sent a Snapchat to that ex-boyfriend of me with this other guy. And, of course, he gets really upset. And then we basically stopped talking from there, which I think was for the best anyway. But it was a whole really crazy situation. And then by this time, you know, it's summer and, like, you want to go out, you want to have fun. That's what I was doing. I was with my friends. I was, like, at the lake. I was wanting to go places, wanting to go on trips and stuff. And I was just running with the wrong crowd. And my parents told me this over and over and over again. And, of course, me being the 17-year-old I was, I didn't want to hear it out. I was like, oh, like, it's fine. Like, whatever. So graduation rolls around. And this new boyfriend actually comes to my graduation. And, oh, God, biggest regret of my life. It's like, you know, it's more of a memory now because, you know, with COVID and stuff, like, graduation is a little bit weird. But it was just, like, strange that he was there. And my family was like, oh, my family didn't really like him, which they had everybody not like him. And, like, when I had taken somebody else to the prom, he was very upset about it. And I ended up driving an hour to go see him after my prom instead of going to an after party I was invited to, which, like, I didn't really go to parties that often in high school because I was a theater kid. And, like, I don't know. Like, people knew me, but I didn't know people, you know. And I should have just gone to that because a lot of crazy things went down that night, too. And I just didn't fully get to enjoy myself the way that I feel like I should have, you know. And, of course, COVID took a lot of that away because of the timeline that we were on. But it was, like, a crazy experience, and I didn't realize at the time, like, how easily I was being manipulated into being in this relationship with this really not good person. So I had decided to take a gap year at this point to work and just kind of prepare myself for college. I wasn't ready yet. I was still going through a lot, dealing with a lot, was in therapy. I was working, but also I was partying a lot because this boyfriend I was with started going to this university, joined a frat, which, as you know, just typically a very big, large red flag. And I should have known better, but a lot of crazy things started happening, and I know there were a lot of lies that I got told. And it was just insane. And, like, the week before he dumped me, I had a feeling just because he had kind of been acting weird. And, like, I had done a lot for him. Like, we literally had a cat together. Like, we adopted a cat together. It was insane. I hope that cat is okay. But it's a frat cat now, apparently. But, yeah, we had done a lot together, and I could feel it coming. I feel like women can always feel it coming. Like, they know when something's going to happen. They know when something's off. Like, you can't hide it. He was trying really hard to hide it, but we were kind of just, like, fighting a lot, and he just wasn't, he just didn't really care anymore. And he gave me this, like, whole bullshit paragraph about how he just has to, like, focus on himself. And I was like, okay, spooky bear. And he was reaching out to his previous ex-girlfriend, the one that he was dating while I was dating this other person. And I said, hey, I know we don't know each other, but I've seen you around, like, at the lake, and this is what happened. And I'm just curious as to what your experience was. We've been friends ever since. Love her. We haven't talked in a while. Her name is Grace. She's lovely. But it was crazy because he basically said the exact same thing to her, verbatim. We were like, holy hell. And I was turning 18, and so she actually came to my 18th birthday, which was a crazy experience in itself. And, I mean, it was super fun, but it was a crazy experience in itself. Like, you know, there were a lot of different mixes of people there, and there were a lot of things going on in that friend group shoot behind my back at that moment. So people that came, like, thought that I had, like, done something and, like, were planning on not talking to me anymore. And, you know, like, that friend group has disbanded, but I'm still best friends with one of the girls that is in it. I saw her over break when I went home. She is wonderful. Her family is incredible. But that being said, it was just crazy because it just kind of, it fell apart for me, but it had to fall apart to come back together. But by this point, I still didn't understand what it meant to love myself. And you know what? I keep seeing this, like, quote everywhere, but it's, like, so true. It's, like, you might not think you love yourself, but trying to love yourself means that you love yourself because you want to get yourself to a place where you feel that and you feel that confidence. And I was not there. I was nowhere close, nowhere close at all. There were just a lot of things going on in my life. I was working a lot, and I was just consistently looking for something to fill the void. So after this party, one of the guys that came reached out to me, and I was on dating apps at this point because I was, like, you know what? I'm legal. Fuck it. Let's not go crazy. And I was on, like, Tinder, and it was, like, bumble, like, everything. Everything and Tim fucked, too. Like, you can think of. I was there. And one of the guys who came to the party reached out to me, and he said, hey, my friend matched with you on Tinder, but you haven't answered him. And I was, like, oh, shit. So I go on there, and I look, and I'm, like, oh, he's kind of cute. And so at this point, we planned a little date, a little get-together, a little gym date. And it goes well, right? And, actually, one of my other friends that I was, like, starting to get closer with at this time, love her so much, she actually went to high school with him. So people knew him. I had connections. People knew him. And so, you know, the date went well, and we got boba and then went back to his place. And, you know, it went well. And we decided that we, like, wanted to see each other again. So we did. And then we ended up dating. Like, I met his family before he asked me to be his girlfriend. His family's great. And I think at the beginning it definitely was a great relationship, but obviously, like, I was having issues. He was having issues as well. They were just things that were not going right. And I got that feeling. This feeling was correct. He broke up with me. Oh, God, it was embarrassing. My parents literally had to drive all the way to MC State's campus to come pick me up. And then one of them had to drive my car home because I was so upset. And I was, like, in the car with my mom. And she took the tough love approach. And I'm just in the car. I'm sobbing. And she's like, well, you should have seen this coming. And I was like, what? And she was like, you just, like, she was like, you never stop dating people. Like, you're always, like, in something. You're always, like, in a relationship. Like, you never stop. Like, when will it stop? In that moment, of course, that's not something I necessarily wanted to hear. I think I was looking for more of, like, the comfort approach. But it was helpful, to say the least, to kind of take a step back and be like, oh, all right. Did I listen? Absolutely not. The cycle continued. The cycle continued while I was still in therapy, of course. But it kept going. After he dumped me, we were like, okay, well, we're both really attached. And he stupidly recommended that we try and just be friends or try and be friends with benefits. That's what the kids say nowadays. And, of course, I agreed because I really, really cared for this person. And a week later, I went back to State's campus to party with one of my friends. We were going to go, like, party hop. And I had also just gotten my wisdom teeth out, too, which was a huge, horrible mistake to be, like, up that late and to be partying. And he had literally, like, just brought back my stuff, like, a few days before we were party hopping. And he had invited us out to go to this bar with him. And I was like, oh, like, no, like, I'm just going to stay here. And we ended up at this one party across the hall. And my friend, we were at this party because we had come to meet this guy that she was talking to at the time, one of his friends. And we ended up at this party across the hall where I met this other guy. And this is, like, a week after this breakup happened. I meet this other guy, and he comes up to me, and he asks me for my number. I can't tell you I remembered much of the conversation, but he definitely did. So there was that, you know. And then I kind of embarked on this really shitty journey of seeing somebody new, but then also, you know, still being involved with my ex and having that be a factor in everything. And it was crazy. So, yeah, still hanging out with my ex, still hanging out with this new guy, getting to know each other. It got to a point, because, you know, like, my ex had said that he didn't want to be on dating apps. When I find out that he is on dating apps and is planning to go on this date with this girl, I freak out. I'm, like, at his apartment. I literally freak out, and I leave. And in my mind, I'm like, I cannot. Like, I have to be in control of this situation. So I get back on dating apps, which definitely was not a wise choice. So I'm struggling all this while still being heartbroken by trying to kind of get a grip, you know, which is so emotional, so upset all the time. And I was bouncing all of this on top of my working and, like, trying to submit auditions and stuff, and, like, just trying to be okay. It's hard. It's difficult. So this all reaches a turning point on this fateful night where I go to one of my dear friend's homes because she had just moved to Raleigh, and we all know each other from this group chat, which is, oh, my God, they are some of the most incredible women I know. But we go to her house for dinner and, like, for drinks and stuff, and we're hanging out. And there was this guy that I was talking to on Tinder, and it was going well. And I kind of knew him already mutually through a friend, so he was like, why don't we meet up? You know, like, why don't we, like, meet up tonight in a parking lot? Like, come on, Callie. And by this point, my ex doesn't have my location anymore, so I'm not sure how this whole thing went down. But I, within an hour, I was in the car driving to go meet this person. I was just feeling reckless. I was like, you know what, like, fuck it. Let's just do it. Let's just see what happens. And I go to this parking lot, and I meet this guy, and we just hang out. Nothing happens. We're just talking. And I looked on my phone, and I have, like, nine missed calls from my ex-boyfriend at this point. And, like, two voicemails, 20-plus text messages, and I'm like, oh, fuck. Like, what's going on? Granted, we are not together. We've both made it clear that it's not exclusive. We're seeing other people. But I have all those messages, like, all these calls, and I'm, like, looking at my phone. And I get back in my car. I'm driving home. I'm looking at all these messages, and I get some crazy shit that's like, where the fuck are you? Like, why are you doing this to me? Blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, I know you're fucking someone. I know you're fucking someone. And I'm like, what is going on? And so I call him, and I'm trying to play it off. Like, I forgot my wallet. I had to go back there. Sorry. And he was like, no, you didn't. And I was like, okay. And he's basically just flipping out on me. And he was like, I never want to talk to you again. Blah, blah, blah. And I'm sitting here. I'm silent. There are no tears. Ain't got no tears left to cry. Because I know that I'm done being emotionally invested in this person. And I'm like, I'm sitting there, and he finishes his whole speech, and I'm like, we're not together. Like, if you were the one who was on dating, like, we're not together. We're not together. So, theoretically, logistically, maybe not emotionally, but in those ways, you cannot be upset with me. He didn't like that. He didn't like that at all. And he blocked me for the night, and I remember going home, and I actually got a good night's sleep. And then I woke up the next morning, and I had to go to work at one of my jobs. And I remember talking to my boss about it and being like, this is what's going on. What do you think I should do? Because I don't want to speak to my ex-boyfriend anymore. I don't want to be in this weird limbo. I just don't care anymore. And she gave me, like, some of the best advice. I think I've ever gotten. And she said, Callie, then don't. She said, this is your life. Like, you have the power. You have control over what you choose to do here and how you respond to the situation. Like, you guys aren't together. And if he wants to act like that and name call you and do all these things, like, cool. It's not meant to be. Like, you don't want to be with a person like that. You don't want to waste your time with someone like that. And she was like, I did that when I was your age. Not worth it. And so that's what I did. I called him that night and I said, Look, I never want to speak to you again. And walked him a little my way. And that was that for the time being. So after this is when it gets kind of complicated. Because I have been accepted to a few places for school now. And I started going places to tour. I was still finishing up some auditions. And I went to tour the university that I'm at currently. And it was – so I went to tour it. And I met a lot of cool people there. A lot of which decided to come to the program. And I love them dearly. And I remember I – that's, like, where I met my freshman year roommate, one of my roommates now. I met her there. There was that. And then there were a few weeks where I kind of had, like, that down time. And then we ended up back there for Accepted Students Day because I had decided to commit. And we all kind of got to see each other for the first time. And it was really cool. And I remember telling them about the situation and being like, yeah, like, this is what happened. We, like, don't talk anymore. We haven't spoken. I never want to speak to him again. I hate his gut. And then I get home. Not even two weeks later, I get this really long-winded email from him. Yeah. An email. An email with a Google Doc attached to it. You can laugh. It's okay. So I'm reading through this email. And, honestly, it was a nice email. It was basically just him apologizing for, like, everything that happened and, like, the way that he treated me and a lot of situations we got into fights about. And he basically, he was like, I know you're going to be leaving for college soon, which, yeah. He knew I was going to be leaving for college soon, and he was wondering if he could just kind of see me one last time just to catch up. And I thought about it, and I talked to my mom about it, and she's like, well, you don't owe him anything. So if you just want to go, like, for closure, that's fine. So we meet up at this coffee shop, and I would go to suck, per usual. And it turns into a six-hour conversation, kind of catching up on everything. And at the end of it, I – because, like, there were a lot of things he, like, talked about and stuff. And I remember at the end of it, he asked me if there was a possibility that we could be friends. After everything, I said, I don't know. I'll have to think about it. And from there, I kind of played hard to get. And then, bada-bing, bada-boom, we ended up getting back together, which, no disrespect or hatred towards him, was the biggest mistake of my life. And I wasted essentially the entire first year of my college experience on a long-distance relationship that made me miserable and with a person that was not compatible for me or for my needs. And I was not compatible for his, simply put. So, long story short, he ended up leaving to go study abroad. And before he even got there, I was already – I couldn't do it anymore. I was crying every night. My friends were seeing me at my lowest. And I was a completely different person while I was in this relationship. And I ended the relationship with him. But I promised him that, you know, I'd be there for support while he, like, makes that transition. Because I did have love and care for this person, right? And, like, I felt bad being immediately, like, okay, yeah, like, fuck you. Like, I'm not going to talk to you. So that kind of went on. And he made me feel guilty about it. And it kind of turned into, like, the same situation we had the first time, where he dumped me and then wanted to be friends. And then it's, like, I dumped him. And he was still expecting me to do, like, friend things. And at one point accused me of cheating on him when we weren't together and said that I could be cheating by omission by leaving my phone in the room that I was with all my friends watching Twilight and going, like, upstairs to somebody else's room in the dorms. And I will never forget how he FaceTimed me and, like, was yelling at me over the phone in front of all my friends. And I came back in, and I was just, like, sobbing. And everyone was like, oh, my God, like, no. And so the next few days, I just didn't really respond as much. And then there was a party that I went to. And I stopped answering. And he flipped out and blocked me on everything. And that was the end of that. And we have not spoken since. So all that goes to say, and then I enter my kind of situationship era of sorts. And I start talking to this guy from, like, Snapchat. It goes well for a bit. And then it kind of starts to get weird. And then I get to meet him when I come home. And it just, yeah. It was just weird. And I definitely got used by him, for sure. But, like, that's something that, you know, I had to reflect on and, like, really understand. Like, when I was in it, I was like, I just don't understand why. Like, this is, yeah. It was crazy. And then I ended up getting together with this other guy, the guy that I had met at that party at State. Y'all know who I'm talking about. And I dated him for a while over the summer. And then I ended up breaking up with him because the idea of the distance of that just was not – it was really terrifying after what I had gone through with the previous ex, and I wasn't about it. And, you know, there were a few other things sprinkled into the mix. But I came back to school, and that's where things kind of started to fall into place for me, about what it really means to date yourself. Also, just for the record, there are definitely some things and some people I've dated that I'm not going to mention on here. Just out of respect for the situation, but there's something that I don't want to talk about. But just know that I had my fair share of experiences and things to kind of back this up and to back up the psychology of it. Because, again, this is someone speaking that was a serial dater for a really long time and could not stand to be alone and be in her own presence. And that is not the case anymore. So, you know, as I'm ending my sophomore year of college, definitely at the first semester, it was good until it wasn't. And there were a lot of things that were going on, a lot of things I was going through. And I was just kind of sad for a while. And because of that, it made it hard to form a deeper, genuine connection that I think I did really want at that time. And I, well, I guess that's going to catch up to recently. But around January, early February time, I woke up one morning and I was like, this is not the life that I feel like my younger version of myself would be proud of. This is not the life that I always dreamed I was leading. And I woke up and I said, that's going to change today. And I cut people off and I got off dating apps and it really worked for me. And I went through this really good period of time where I really, like it was, it has to hurt for you to grow, you know. There are a lot of growing pains that are associated with being in your 20s and dating and having to go through all these experiences and being so young and not knowing what the hell you're doing or who you're supposed to follow, who's supposed to be your example. You're your own example. And I went through this big period where everything just hurt so bad. And now I've gotten myself to this point where I feel very comfortable with where I'm at. And there's always work to be done, but I feel comfortable with where I'm at and I feel comfortable with the direction I'm heading because I have a better idea of where I'm going and my goals and the people that I want to be in my life or in my life, people I don't want to be in my life or not in my life. And that's that. So all this goes to say that through this history I've had with dating, I've never stopped and given myself the opportunity to date myself. And I think when I was going through this period of serial dating, it's because I didn't know who I was or what I wanted. And I wanted somebody else to figure that out for me, somebody else being a man. And of course, it doesn't work like that. You can't live your life and expect somebody else to put the pieces together for you. You have to do it. You have to do the work, the really hard, difficult, painful, but so beautifully rewarding work to get to a point where you are okay in your own company and you're okay with the fact that people don't like you. You're okay with rejection. And of course, all these things are going to hurt. They're going to suck. It doesn't just stop hurting because you've had experience with it. Of course, things are going to hurt. Shit hurts. We're human. But it gets to a point where you can be okay with it and not take it personally. So now for me when it comes to dating, my virtue is stay single until somebody proves to you that they have an understanding of you and they are very aware of your worth. Stay single until then. Because there are people out there who are going to treat you like shit. There are people out there who are going to try to manipulate you. There are people out there who are going to use you or use you for your body. But there are also people out there that do have genuine care and love and respect for you and for your design feminine. I mean, that's another thing. Just tapping into your design feminine. And I just feel like as a woman, that's also something I struggle with too because I have faced a lot of insecurity in my comparison. But it's like the way that you view and treat yourself is the way that other people will view and treat you. It's just like a law of manifestation. You attract what you believe. You attract what you feel. So when I felt like shit about myself and didn't know who I was, I attracted people who also shared that same energy and who used me and abused me in those vulnerable states. You see what I'm saying? And I, probably like you, at the beginning of this journey, if that's where you are, I didn't know where to start or what I was supposed to be doing to get myself to this kind of mental state. And honestly, the main thing I can say that really helped me get to this point and has helped me continue to work is just making an investment to myself every day that I wake up and ensuring that my happiness comes first and that I feel good waking up in the morning knowing that there's always the possibility of a good day. And it's going to be a good day. Even if something goes wrong, it can still be a good day. There are still small moments that can be good and that I can appreciate. And that's really just what it is. It's being able to invest in yourself every fucking day and make an investment towards the future and towards whoever you decide to date. And just knowing when it's time to leave things and people behind is also another thing. And like I talked about in the previous episode, especially the friendships too, it's really easy to get into this guilt of, oh, I've been friends with this person for so long, I can't just drop. Yes, you can. You don't owe anybody anything. You don't owe anyone your time. You don't owe anybody your energy, your emotional stamina, your emotional space. You don't owe anybody anything. And bottom line, if a man is interested in you, if a man wants to pursue you, you'll know. If a man doesn't want you and he really doesn't care, you're going to be confused. I know that can be hard to hear sometimes. And I know people hate the saying, like, oh, if he wants to, he will. But it's so incredibly true. Like, men will go to the end of the earth for the girl that they like or the girl that they love. If that's not happening for you, then he's not the one. He's not. And of course, you know, the pendulum goes both ways. It has to be balanced. It has to be 50-50, whatever. But I'm just saying, do you really want to spend another two years of your 20s casually dating this guy who can't commit for shit and is probably cheating in his spare time? I don't think so. Personally, I wouldn't. It's also extremely true that in regards to emotional maturity with girls versus guys, I'm sorry, women versus men. Actually, women versus guys. There really is such a big gap. And I think I was reading somewhere that it's like five years behind. So if you're 20, then any man in his 20s is basically a 15-year-old emotionally. And my friend sometimes comes to me for advice about things like this. And I'm like, I just don't understand why he's acting like that. Because that's where his brain is at. That's where he's at. And, you know, guys make a choice of how to treat you. Anybody makes a choice of how to treat you. It's never, oh, I made a mistake. No, you made a decision to treat me this way or say this to me or do this. It's never an accident. It's not an accident. It's not. It's a subconscious response to the way that this person really truly feels about you. In today's society, too, dating and hookup culture is one of the worst things ever. And I'm sure everyone who's listening to this has had a really, really bad experience or a really bad first date or, honestly, I'll say it. If I get a really horrible one-night stand with someone where you wake up the next morning and you're like, what just happened? Yeah, been there. But it doesn't have to be a constant cycle of that for you. And I'm here to tell you that because that is not my life anymore. Do I experience things? Like, do I get disappointed? Yes. Do I sometimes feel this really big itch to just go crazy? Yeah. But what is that going to do for me? Is that going to heal what I'm going through? No, if anything, it's going to hurt me more. It is. And I say this all the time and I'll say it again. Using other people to heal the pain that somebody has caused you when you know damn fucking well that all you want is the person who has hurt you to be the one that's comforting you is stupid. It's not going to do anything for you. It's not going to make you feel better about yourself. It does nothing but make you feel like shit and make you probably miss the other person more, if we're being honest. All this goes to say that it absolutely sucks to be alone sometimes. It does. But you have to be willing to be there for yourself because at the end of the day, you are the only one who is going to be there for you. You cannot consistently rely on other people to pick up that slack and to be there because people are human. They will disappoint you. They will make choices. They will do things that will hurt you. But you have the power to fight against. Like, fucking PEMDAS that shit. You have the power to turn it around. You have the power to do things that are the complete opposite of the hurt. You have the power to take control of your own life and to understand that you deserve to be treated and you deserve to have your needs met. And the right person is going to be here for that always and is going to want to commit to you and commit to that. So stay single. Actually, no. Date yourself. Yeah, I'm not single. I'm dating myself until the right person comes along and proves to me that it's worth my time. And you know what? At this point, write me a fucking essay on why you're not going to waste my time. Because my time is precious. It's extremely valuable. And you have to be so careful about who you choose to give it to. And of course, there are going to be times where you misjudge. You make a mistake. You miscalculate. And you give your time to somebody who is the spawn of fucking Satan. That's okay. Learn from it. Don't make the same mistake again. Don't do what I did. Because I did that and I was stuck in a cycle for a really long time. And it was vicious. It sucked. I was stuck in a cycle of, oh, I feel like shit about myself. Oh, let's go to this other person for this validation, for this comfort, for this support. Oh, they're also making me feel like shit about myself. Oh, maybe it's just me. It's just my problem. Nope. Nope. Like I said, date yourself. But you have to be willing to put in that work and be willing to go through the motions of what it feels like to truly be alone and to only have you to rely on. And maybe it's just me. But I would so much rather go out to dinner or go out to the bar or go wherever with my girlfriend than with a man. Like, let's be real. Because me and my besties, me and my girls, like we know where it's at. We know how to have fun. We know how to have a good time. And it's like I can't – I'm not going to get into a relationship if this person cannot consistently show me that they are going to show up for this relationship every day and that they're going to work on it and be committed to the work in progress that it is to be in a relationship and to be in love. And again, commitment over connection or chemistry. You can have, like, so much chemistry with somebody that you, like, hook up with every Monday. But if they don't want to commit to you, it doesn't mean anything. Sure. Yeah. You can casually date someone and not really know where you stand. Sure. You can have that conversation that's like, oh, are we exclusive or are we not? And you're like, oh, okay, I really thought that you felt differently about me. Mm-mm. If somebody really is serious about you, they don't want to see you with someone else. They don't want to see you dating other people. And that's not a reflection of you. It's just the fact that they're scared of commitment. So just to recap everything we've talked about today, for one, let me just start off by saying that you deserve somebody who is going to be there for you and be committed to you, not just when it's convenient for them. Consistency over convenience always. I stand by that. I live by that. That is my one-liner for this entire episode. If you're going to take really anything away from this and listen to anything I'm saying to you, consistency over convenience. Because people will always find a way to prioritize the things that they truly care about. And sometimes that's not going to be you. Sometimes it's not going to be you, but it's going to be someone else. Sometimes it's not going to be you, and you're not going to know that it's not you until you find out they cheated and you see all the receipts, blah, blah, whatever. But you have to be okay with being alone. You have to learn how to be okay with what that feels like, and it's uncomfortable. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to sit here and sugarcoat it. It is uncomfortable. It fucking hurts. And it takes work. But if you want it, you will do it. And if you want to feel better, you will do it, which is exactly why I did it. All right, well, that sums up our episode for today. Thank you guys so, so much for joining me. And I can't wait to see you guys next week. As always, I will link everything in the little doohickey at the bottom, and I will also link my email so you can send me more submissions. Love getting emails. The literal best. But you got this, and you're awesome. Date yourself. Bye.
