Session 1 Raw

Serafina, Mordred, and Idaho are old friends who haven't been in touch for five years. Serafina reaches out to them because her sister Hope has gone missing and she needs their help to find her. Mordred is a druid, Idaho is a paladin, and Serafina is desperate for their assistance. They all agree to help and set off on a journey back to their hometown. Would you like to take us away, begin with reading of the letter? Yes. Okay. Oh my gosh, I'm nervous. Dear Mordred, Idaho, and Doran, I know it's been a while, five years actually, since we all graduated, but I hope this letter finds each of you well. Mordred, you've been incommunicado since you set off with that druid to hone your powers and supposedly went traveling on your own to see all the beauty that Mother Nature has to offer. I really miss hearing about all the new animals you've encountered. Idaho, I appreciate the quest sponsorship flyers from your military training platoon that you keep sending me. A little impersonal, but it's nice to know that you're doing alright. Now, um, that leaves you, Doran, my best friend. You moved to the Great Save immediately after grad, and I haven't heard from you at all. You're probably living the life in that big magic city, pulling off schemes and heists that dwarf our childhood pickpocketing antics. I don't even know if you get this, but hopefully you can take a bit of time out of your busy city slicker schedule and help out an old friend. Anyway, I'm reaching out to you because I need all of your help. As of two months and four days ago, Hope went missing. One afternoon, she didn't return home from elementary school, and I've been frantically searching for her in and around town ever since. That is, until yesterday. I think I may have gotten the lead. I now realize that I can't do this on my own, and I need the three of you to come back home and help me find my little sister. Hope needs you. I need you. Godspeed. Serafina Dumas. I tripped up on my words there for a second. Do I have to re-record? That's perfect. Good job, Helen. Yeah, Helen! Cue the theme song! I'm so glad we got that recorded. Now we have to include it. I couldn't re-record that. Wyatt is proposing crazy frog. Instead of saying beep beep, we say for the trees. Trees, trees. And there you go. I was doing this at first, but now I'm on board. Book it, we're sold, we're good. Every playlist I make that's for a party, because I was the social coordinator for Quidditch and planned all the parties, crazy frog in every single one of them. It has to be once, and it slaps. Always and forever. So the theme song wraps up. We might do one where we're all introducing ourselves. Actually, we might do a couple. We'll do that next week as a warm-up. But basically, I go, Hello, everyone, I'm Christian Spence. I'm going to be your DM. It's time to meet the players! Everybody, if you'd like to say your name, your character, and then, like, a witty line. Hi, I'm Carlos Garcia. I'm playing Mordred Wilhelm, and I am also in the trees. I'm playing from my treehouse. Hi, my name is Idaho Manifont. I am also here in the trees, and I am not in a treehouse. I am under the tree. I think we were meant to start with your actual name. And I'll be playing Wyvershare during the parts where D&D isn't happening. They actually got me from the Forgotten Realms, but I'll be playing Wyvershare when we're not in Fantasyland. They actually got you from Forgotten Names. Show me who again. No. One go. Hi, my name is Samuel Hahn. I will be playing Doran Greychild, and he's a little bit of a bad boy. Hi, I'm Helen Antoniak, and I will be playing Serafina Dumal. Unfortunately, unlike my counterpart, I don't have huge horns. That we know of. To be clear, you really want them, though, right? This is an unfortunate state of affairs. You wish you had giant horns. They're called legs. Those are his hooves. We're going to begin with some D&D. Now, we talked loosely about what's going to happen in the story. This part won't make it in, right, future Christian? Yes. Future Christian is a much higher-pitched voice than current Christian. It's coming from the future, so it has to speed up. Oh, Doppler effect, I got you. I met someone last night who has Wyatt's voice sped up to two times speed. That's terrifying. It really was. It's true. For a lot of people, when you put two of them together, they get louder. But I actually get faster. Yeah. And speak at the same time. They have the same volume, but talking together, we can actually talk faster. Yeah, it's crazy. Is that because you're both trying as hard as you can to talk over each other? Yeah, the D&D Ben Shapiro, that's what I said. Oh, perfect. Welcome to our Ben Shapiro fan cast. Well, just imagine. Just imagine. Put yourself there for a second, and hypothetically, if we were Ben Shapiro fan cast, I think it would be ridiculous. What's the story be? It is evening time as a single cart strolls down the lane. It's an old wooden cart with an old man on the front and two horses. There appears to be a door on the side of the cart, and if one were to open that door, well, inside they would find a very strange fellow. Wyatt, would you like to introduce your character? You're finally awake. Sorry, I was there. I was there in the moment. Hey, everyone. My name is Wyatt Verchere. You guys are going to see in the cart, Idaho Manifont. Idaho is 5'10", and also 5'8", sitting down. A lot of upper body, not much leg. He's got a bowl cut, and he's just covered in these kind of faded scars. His bowl cut is slightly balding. He kind of looks like one of those monks from the 1600s, you know, that really, really hot haircut that they had. Idaho is a cool kid. You know, he grew up the most popular kid in school. He was saving kids from bullies with his mighty sword, the hero of the school ground that the teachers called him the savior of the oppressed. That is according to his diary. That's not actually true. He was kind of a loser. But now he went to Paladin school. He's back. He's an Oath of Freedom Paladin, a slightly home-brewed Oath of Devotion. And he is going back home because he's on leave, and he got a letter from his old school friend, Serafina. And I have a joke for you guys if you want to hear it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. What do you guys call someone who went away to Paladin Academy to study for several years, but is back with a new outlook on life, and is ready to reignite old friendships? What? What do you call him? He's a pal-adin. Ooh. We're off to a good start. And now, chaotically, that is the first joke of the podcast. Oh, my God. Is that right, man? We can cut that. That's not chaotically. You know what? We'll put a joke in at the start, too, just to make sure. Just something easy, just a knock-knock joke. And as Idaho is in this cart, it's like a closed-off, like Victorian-style passenger cart. It's moving slowly, hitting a couple bumps. And suddenly, the cart comes to a halting stop. I put away my cocaine. Sorry. You're a paladin. I don't do that. I'm not breaking my oath. You leave out your cocaine. No. Keep the paladin in, cut out the cocaine. Surprise, you're Oathbreaker. Welcome to episode one. No. The cart comes to a screeching halt. And as it comes to a screeching halt, you hear the voice from the person in front, Idaho, the old man that picks you up, talking with someone, really quick and short, before coin seems to be exchanged, and the door is opened. What you see behind the door, well, Mordred, would you like to explain your character? Yeah, I'm Carlos Garcia. I'll be playing Mordred Wilhelm. I am a Circle of the Moon druid. I am a young, half-elf, young man who has kind of come home from adventuring around, learning all that life has to give for being a druid. As you see him, you see him having a long robe over some leather armor. Underneath would be really wild. And, yeah, you do see him as he walks up. He's got a notepad, and he's just viciously scribbling on it. He seems kind of more into whatever he's writing than the rest of the world. Until he looks up and sees his old friend, Idaho. Someone who, presumably, we haven't seen in a long time. In years, I guess, right? The moment he sees Mordred, Idaho leaps to his feet and then back down. To anyone, it would look like a mock bow, but it's definitely a real one. Mordred, my sword is yours. Hi, Idaho, it's been a minute. I see that you've upgraded swords, for sure. Yeah, I got a real metal one now. They finally let me have one. How are you doing? It's been so long. Yeah, you know, it feels weird to be going back home, you know, after so long. I'm really sorry for not really communicating with you guys. It's really hard to get any messages out in the middle of nowhere a lot of the times. But I'm just excited to see everybody, you know? We're all going to have a good... I know it's not under the best context, but it'll be nice to have each other again. Seraphina needs us, and you know, we're going to be there for her. And I'm excited to see everyone again. For sure, yeah, no. If you think owls would be better at communicating letters, they're not. They just rip them up and eat them. So it'll be nice to talk with everyone. The to-from line is just who. You can't send it anywhere. First joke of the podcast. I can accept that. You'll let that one go? I'll let that one go. As you guys are talking, the carriage is beginning to move forwards again, as it continues to just lurch on its way towards the town of Bayroll, where both of you are from. It's a long trip. It's several, several hours before either of you get there. But after a while, you do finally arrive, exhausted because it's hard to sleep in a carriage going over a bumpy road, but otherwise intact. And now it is evening. I also just want to say those guys got in the carriage and didn't say a word to each other. What? They didn't really have any conversation or anything. It's just been, yes they did. Oh, okay. Wait, did I miss that? I was talking, right? Okay, sorry guys. We had like a short conversation. Yeah, no, it's okay. I must have, I was confused by what was jokes and what was conversation. So Mordred, how's your, you got any sports teams out there? Well, the horses are looking real good this year. The river badgers, you know how they are with their- The river badgers. And what, remind me, what species is the team the river badgers? They're like badgers with fins. Fun fact, they don't actually, they don't live in rivers. They're actually more lake-based creatures. Common misconception. It gets passed up all the time. Well, sometimes sports teams will do that, you know, like the franchise will get sold to another place. And like sometimes they'll have the lake, the franchise is built up in the lake, but then you move over to the river badgers. What is our stadium? We have a sports stadium. What team are we? We are the Bay Rule Murder Ballers, I think is what it is. Oh, the murder ballers, right. Murder, murder, murder. Ball, ball, ball. It really kind of goes against a lot of the vibe of our town, you know. It's the equivalent of the Purge. Yeah, you know, we're really chill, but, you know, no holds barred when we get onto the murder ball stage. True. And murder talk, oh boy, let me give you a story. Played on a stage. Oh, we have a stage? Interesting. Yep. You know, it's actually an improv game. You know, you guys hear a voice come from the front of the old man go, I can hear everything you're saying. Can you tell me how this game is played? Yeah, I would love to, but I think that Mordred was actually our star murder ball player. I, as a young person, was not doing much of anything relating to throwing balls or murdering. That's true, but, you know, not every role in the team has to be for throwing balls or murdering, right. There's different roles for different folks. I was doing a lot of throwing balls. Mordred, you were the tally whacker, I think. Yeah, the smally smacker is what we called it in the old murder ballers. Yeah. Yeah, you know, a role around supporting, jumping, hooping. Old man, you get it, right. Everyone's got their own town sport. I'm sure you're from somewhere. Maybe. I reach out to touch him to make sure he's real and not a ghost. You, like, grab his leg. He goes to kick you off. This old man without an origin. He just drives the cart. I don't get paid enough for this. The eternal cart driver. You can never be too sure what's real and what's not for you. Mordred, are you alright? Yeah, it's been a long time since I've communicated with people. Yeah. So generally the legs are no touch. I would do the shoulders. I think it's a bit better. No, hear me out. Don't need to touch me. Back away. I don't get paid enough for this. I feel we can... I think we can all agree that took up about, like, six to eight hours of the time that you were in there. We're going through, like, the last ten years of Murderball. Really, like, very intricate history of every year we won. Did you guys hear when John Jacobs the Wizard really took it to those fucking Griffins in the last season? Oh, it was great. The stage blew up. He was taking magic steroids. And with that, as you save that exact line, you guys pull up to something that you're not too familiar with. A wooden fence around the town. What is this? You know what a fence is. What's a fence, Idaho? He's big and strong, but he ain't that bright. I'm glad you haven't lost that touch to you, buddy. It seems to keep in some things, but keep out others. And yet it can be hot. Like a rabbit. Speaking of out, can you get out of my cart? Right, yeah. Thanks for the ride, old man. I'll make sure to go for the arms next time. Of course. Wait, hands, hands. All appendages are created equal. Hey, and as they say where I'm from, good luck in your future. I think that guy has a lot of interesting backstory. I really wish we all knew right now. You spent the entire night talking about Murderball and you have no idea. And the cart rides away before, like, fading slowly. Just because of dust. You see and hear the voice of a stout man go, Oy, start your business. We are but weary travelers returning to our hometown of Beirut. And you hear a second voice go, Oh, is that so? And what you see in front of you is a shorter, stouter man and a taller, skinnier man wearing a guard insignia for the Grey Kingdom, which, as you know, is the general kingdom of this area, but rarely venture to Beirut. Hi, yeah, we're just coming home. I mean, we've both lived here for a long time and yeah, we're just kind of hoping to see our families and a couple of people. The big one waving his head back and forth as though his limbs aren't fully connected goes, Hmm, I've never seen you around. Yeah. I put my head on Mordred and I say, Mordred, I learned about this in school. I got this and I go up to the guard and I go, What would the other guard say for me to go to? He'd say, Your last name, probably. I go back to Mordred, I don't know. Yeah, I don't like dealing with these types. The bureaucracy is wild. Yeah, you two seem frazzled. My voice changed. Don't worry about it. You look much more approachable now. You've changed a bit about you. And yeah, I'm Mordred Wilhelm. Thank you. Maybe a little gold can help you get inside. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Is this a bribe? Are you shaking me down? Yeah. Yeah, we're shaking you down. I know, should we let him shake us down? I mean, like, if they just are asking for the money, is it really a bribe or is it just... Yeah, is this just like a toll? It's a toll. Is this a bribe at this point? Like, we're not, like, bribing them to do... Like, I'm sure their guard duty isn't, like, to keep everyone out of the town, right? It's like we're bribing them to break the law. They're just asking us to... I guess we can pay a toll. Yeah, sorry, kind fellow, what's the toll for the toll booth? Three silver pieces! Yeah, three silver pieces. Is this, like, coming out as well? What? Like, if I want to leave. No! Yeah! He sees! He looks uncertain, but... You get a stamp as you leave the town. Yeah, I mean, I guess I just reach into my bag and look for some silver pieces. Perfect, yeah, you pull out six silver pieces, no doubt. Yeah, and I give them to him and I go, thank you for your service. I don't remember you... You're welcome! We're new! Yeah, we're new! Cool, don't let the critters get you down, okay, buddy? And I'm going to give a pat on the shoulder on what I've learned. I really appreciate it. These guys love physical touch. I turn over to Borge and I go, like, maybe I've been away from people for too long, too, because I don't know what the hell, this is odd. Yeah, I don't... I don't remember them, did they... Should we tip 15%? No, no, no. Either one of them were Colin, right? I think I remember what Colin looks like. I don't think... Colin was a short guy, he was... Yeah, that's not him, though, right? Yeah, right, he was like a little mouse guy. Never mind, that's not them. That's not Serafina either, right? No, no, no, no, no, no. Just making sure, it's been a while. Okay, we should go. We got people to meet. Yeah, we go... Yeah, we skedaddle to the bar. Oh, you guys head over to the bar? Perfect. Yeah, I think the bar is where we want to go, right? That's kind of the local hot spot of town. Yeah. As you guys head over to the bar, you walk into this podunk establishment, if that word isn't problematic, I don't know. But you walk into this kind of decrepit, kind of fallen apart... Is one of you Googling if it's problematic? You're good, it looks like you're good. Yeah, so you walk into this old, fallen apart bar. Maybe you're not good. Yeah, it sounds like maybe not so good. You walk into this old, falling apart bar. Inside, patrons plank their drinks, and then do shots. It's a bit of a party in here. To be honest, it's way better vibes than you guys last remember. And part of that reason is a bartender who's been here a little while. Helen, would you like to introduce yourself? Yeah, hi. Behind the bar, you see a burgundy-haired tiefling woman with magnificently broad brown horns, slinging bottles of liquor and glasses, serving her patrons. A disarming yet sweet smile plays on her freckled face as she chats with all of the patrons. And off the clock, this tiefling is a college of eloquence bard who specializes in painting vibrant images in people's minds and telling stories, although her usual audience is comprised of one person, her little sister, Hope. And she looks up to hear the racket near the door, and her purple eyes light up, and she greets her old friends. Idaho, Madrid! What are you doing here? You guys came so quickly! Well, yeah, we were just going to leave you hanging. This letter sounds wild! Are you okay? Um, not entirely, but it's just good to see you. I figured it would take longer for you to get here. Hi! We took a really fast cart. She's running up to give us the biggest hug. Yeah, I nudged more to say, yes, this one's okay. Yeah, give a big hug. We can do this one. Yes. Hell yeah, you guys all embrace. We hug Serafina back. How was the journey here? You know, I wasn't... Has there always been, like, a big fence around this whole town? It's feeling a little stuffy. It was like a toll booth. There were people asking for money outside. Serafina, you would know that this went up about two months ago. It ties into the lead that you have, supposedly. And you would know that the two fellows out front, because they're frequent... What's the word? They're frequent... Customers? Visitors. Customers. Thank you. Thank you. Frequent patrons of your establishment are named Stink and Sweet. And you, too, could be a patron of this establishment if you become a patron of our podcast. Yeah, if you become a patron of our podcast, you're either a stink or a sweet. That's right. So hop on over to our Patreon and our OnlyFans and join up. They're both stinky and sweet. Both stinky and very sweet. One of them is each, but you're not going to find out. Yeah, I'll add, Serafina, you don't know which one's stink and which one's sweet. They're never alone. They're always together. Christian, just so I have an idea of the timeline here. How long has it been since she sent us this letter? How long did this trip take? It's probably been four or five days since you guys received the letter. And since sending, probably, you can assume, a week and a bit. I'm just trying to follow up so I, Wyatt, understand what you meant by your lead thing. Are you saying that Hope was kidnapped and then these people came to guard the town because a child was kidnapped? Or did the guards come first and then Hope was missing more recently? Hope was missing in the letter. And hopefully we won't have to edit this in because it'll be clear in the letter, but maybe we will. Hope went missing four months, two weeks ago. Gotcha. So much longer than... Give or take. So Hope guards... Oh, you said two weeks, didn't you? I said two months, four days ago. So you swapped the numbers. Sorry. So the guards showed up... Four days after Hope went missing. So Hope guards... Hope guards... Letter. Letter. Gotcha. Cool. Thank you. And does that mean that... When did I get the letter? You would have gotten the letter probably about... Wait. You never received that letter. She would have dropped one off for you like the morning of. Okay. I think that's what we last decided on. But she was just surprised at how quickly they got here. Because she sent you a letter probably and then heard you were in town more recently and sent David, put it in your Dropbox. If that works for you. Right. I'm just trying to get the coincidence of it all. Maybe I saw them come into town. I probably would have sent out a letter not knowing you were home a couple of weeks ago when I sent out the letter and then found out eventually that you were in town and dropped one off. No, I know. I mean, why am I showing up at the bar that night? I think it would make sense if you saw the two of them walk in because not many people come here. And maybe that compiled with you receiving the letter. Yeah. I still don't know if you received the letter. I got it. Yeah. I just needed to figure it out. All right. What was the last thing I said? I think we should pick back up that. You were mentioning that Helen, the input that she has with the guards. Yeah. Yeah, so you know them showing up has something to do with that. You know their names are Stink and Sweet. Would I know why? I know that it did happen about two months ago, but would I know that it had something to do with Hope? It didn't have something to do with Hope as much as it had to do with the lead, I told you. Oh, okay, okay, okay. There are secrets in this podcast, folks. There are secrets going around. Can you ask your question again, Carlos? About the... Yeah, no, it's been feeling pretty claustrophobic ever since they put up that whole perimeter or whatever. How long has it been up there? Yeah, it's been up for about two months, and the guards you probably met are named Stink and Sweet, and I'm honestly not exactly sure which is which, who's who. I've literally never seen them without the other, so they usually come into the tavern, though. Lightweights, but they tip well. Yeah, no, it just seems like there's been a lot of changes. I kind of look around and I see probably a bunch of faces I don't recognize. Well, you do know that it's been six years since you guys left, so of course things are going to be different. It's been a while. It has been, huh? I guess I just kind of lost track of time. Yeah, I don't recognize anybody around here. I'm sure there aren't any clocks in the forest, so... I can't really blame you, can I? Have you seen Doran? Like, I see you around. Is he still, like, you know, putting poo in mailboxes and stuff, or is he up to... You know, I actually... I haven't heard from Doran since he left to the Great Save, to the big city. Yeah. I've heard that he's back in town, though, so... I've left a letter in his mailbox, or maybe what used to be his mailbox, but maybe he'll be joining us. I'm not too sure. I really... I have no idea what happened to him. She died. I would know that. You would know that. I would know that. Okay. Maybe just say, I don't know if anyone's living there. Or you know what? We can figure things out later. Okay. I'll write in my notes, she died. Okay. Oh, yeah. It would be a shame to have a whole reunion and not have him around. But yeah, I mean, regardless, well, we have to find Hope, right? That's the number one thing. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I really appreciate you two being here. She, I mean, as you know, was pretty much the entire reason for my being. And I'm a little more calm now, because it's been a while, but... She's been gone for over two months, and I haven't been able to find her. I've checked in town. I've checked the surrounding towns. I was adventuring through the forest. Have you heard from Colin? No. Have you heard from Colin? I haven't heard from Colin. No. Not for years, actually. That would have been such an easy way to find her, too. Oh, that's unfortunate. I know. He was really on top of things, unfortunately. Not to help you, but... She just... Well, maybe we can, like, you can walk us through where you've looked, the last place that you've seen her. Yeah. All those kind of things. We can get started with that kind of thing. But, you know, I think that pretty much makes sense. Yeah. Can we have a drink? Yeah. Gosh, we've not even seen each other since we could drink. What do you two take? I'll whip it up. Oh, I will take an orange juice. And I'll have an apple. Wow. Me too. As naughty as ever. Okay, coming right up. And Serafina... And no ice on that. Sure. Can do. And Serafina starts to whip up the apple and orange juice. Sam's ice. So I guess she just starts telling Morgan in Idaho about the last known whereabouts of Hope. The day that she went missing, I got a dress for school and sent her off. I walked her to the elementary school, and it was just like any other day. And then when it was time to pick her up, she didn't come out of class. So I went inside, I talked to the principal and to the teachers, and they hadn't seen her all day. And nobody knew where she was, and so I went to the general store, I went to the park. I even came here to work, and nobody had seen her. It's as though she'd vanished. And I've not been able to find her since. It's not like I can get in contact with Sprinkles or the old gang. It seems like they have the whole thing walled off. Really? That would have been helpful. Can I attempt to go out like a window and give a big whistle? Yes, you can stick your head out the window and give a big whistle. I can't whistle that well in real life. Wee-wee! Two people look over. I don't have what he's having. You know what? I'm going to say, do you want to give the first roll of this campaign? Do you want to give an animal handling check? I would love to. I rolled a 14 plus my animal handling proficiency gives me 5 extra points to a 19. Oh my God. Okay. Good first roll. You make a loud whistle noise. Can someone whistle? That works. Yeah. The loud whistle. Oh, one second. This is actually the perfect time. Oh my gosh. That would have been really inappropriate. That would have been very inappropriate, Wyatt. I've also realized that my mic isn't being used, the one I have, and so I don't know what other mic is being used, but it seems to be giving the same audio quality, so we'll find out. Or it is being used and the mute button on it doesn't work. No, it's not being used. Or you're just going to have just God-awful audio quality for episode one. I can see my audio. We can revert over it, you know. We can double it. I'm not talking too much in this episode. I feel like I'm the one that I'm very okay with, like, bringing over stuff and pushing stuff around and, like, redoing things and, like. Feeling the vibes. Yeah, please. I feel like what's important for this episode is you want to get, like, the kind of natural stuff in, like the jokes, the, like. Yeah. Because those are stuff that you can't really rewrite scripted. That's why I've been kind of overdoing that a little bit. Okay. That's why. Not because of who I am as a person. Just because I'm very unique. In every other episode, you've really been holding back. I've been holding back. The amount of jokes that I have to cut out of Wyatt's just because I won't throw in his own jokes and won't make jokes tied to everything else. So I could cut those easily. But when you do jokes that are, like, callbacks to something that you've already called back, I'm like, I hate you, Wyatt. If you make this joke four times, I have to leave it in. I really take the shotgun approach. And then sometimes I'm doing it so that you can't take it out. Yeah. It works. It works pretty well. Where were we? Whether you like it or not. I rolled a 19 on an animal handling check. With a 19. It's a familiar sound to the ferrets. The ferrets hear a familiar sound. And you hear. As two ferrets run up under the windowsill. Unfortunately, you know a ferret's lifespan isn't very long. Yeah. You do not recognize these ferrets. But what you recognize is a unique striping on them. That is the same striping that Sprinkles had. Your ferret from high school. Sprinkles babies. Yeah. I wipe a tear. That they are the kid that's left behind. And I am going to just kind of attempt to, like, touch it. Yeah. Yeah. You see they're, like, reaching up their noses. And they touch your hand. Hell yeah. You cast despawn on one of these ferrets. I imagine the ferret's intelligence is not four or higher. No. All right. We now have a telepathic link to communicate simple emotions and concepts. The ferret communicates happy. All right. I'm going to lift up the ferret. And then point it towards Serafina and be like, have you seen someone that looks like her? But younger. But younger. Smaller. Yeah. And you can only respond in emojis, right? That's great. Let me find some emojis that I can respond with. And I'm going to describe them as what I think they are. As a podcast. As a podcast. Don't show us the emoji. Just tell us what you think the emoji is. Actually, better. Oh, yeah. Go ahead. Oh, I was waiting to drop the lead until we were all here. But I guess that would make sense because Serafina wouldn't know Doran was coming. So. The other option is Carlos did just poke their, sorry, Mordred did just poke their head out the window and could have seen. I wasn't sure if that was the moment that you wanted to be seen, Doran. I'm ready. I'm ready. There's a third bigger stoat down here. This is no ferret. That's Dink, Sweet and Sour Puss. Hey, very good. Nice. Okay. You have the two ferrets. You cast Beast Bond. You ask the question. I respond in emojis. And then you see Doran. Does that make sense? Or do we cut the respond in emojis? I mean, it can communicate simple emotions and concepts. So it could say yes or no or missing. But I think timeline of Doran coming into things. I think that sounds good. Emojis sound funny in concept but difficult to execute. I guess it is a podcast. But also Doran would also see me with my head poked out reaching out the window grabbing ferrets. I think it's better if you see Doran than if Doran sees you guys. Christian, I do think if you want to do emojis, I think you should describe the. What? Can you read these out for us? Actually, Wyatt, can you read them out? Yeah, I would love to. I would love to, Christian. You don't need to see them. Wyatt, why is it? So, hearts, heart eyes, heart eyes, the figure on a bathroom, three houses, and a tree. So is it like in a building with a tree on it? Could be the person was in a house in a tree, a tree house. Okay, buddy, here's what we're going to do. Did you say a person in a bathroom? Well, it's like a silhouette. Like you see on a bathroom sign. So, Helen, a bathroom is where humans will go to. There's like natural bodily processes that every sloth does. I don't have those. Yeah, women don't poop, they don't pee. I'm hardly familiar with the names of those things. Hashtag teeth are so poopy. All right, I think I know how I'm going to play that regardless now. Let's see emojis. Okay, so you got those emojis. I'm going to look at the small parrot very confused. I'm going to go, okay, buddy, I don't know how many of you little guys there are now, but, yeah, if any of you see someone that looks like her but smaller, come to me, okay? Tell all your little friends. I knew Sprinkles. I don't know if I smell familiar. Yeah, Sprinkles. Yeah, yes, yeah. That's an emoji. Yeah, we... You see the parrot nods and gives you like a little army salute. All right, buddy, yeah, go tell everybody. Okay, and then it... Drop them out again. Yeah. And then... Perfect. As you go to drop the parrot outside, you do see a familiar face. Doran, you want to describe what you look like? Well, my name is Sam, and I'll be playing Doran Greychild. As Mordred looks out the window, he sees a shaggy-haired drow man with three sparrows in flight tattooed on his left cheek. He's clearly been pacing back and forth, examining the letter in his hand. Doran Greychild is an orphan, raised as a foundling by Lady Patricia Ashmead, a wealthy widower in the town of Beirut. A troublemaker as a boy, Doran has spent the last six years working for the Sparrows, a thieves' guild in the Great Stave. With a childhood prophecy looming over him, he has returned to his hometown to prepare himself for what is to come. Mordred, is that you? Doran, what are you doing out there? Come inside! I'm going to just try to balance myself out this window, like... Come on! Is Doran one of the parrots? Do you have a parrot named Doran? Mordred, did you say Doran? Yeah, right there! And I... Obviously, you can only see my legs, so it's like me kicking my legs. Therapina turns and hides out of view of the window. Okay. It's really him. It's really... Doran! And I'm going to start reaching out for Doran. I feel like, ethically, I have to grab Mordred's legs here, just to stabilize. Just to, like, hold the legs. Like, okay, I got it. Now that I feel extra stability, I'm going to reach. It's been so long, buddy! How's Doran? Good to see you too, Mordred. Now, why don't you just get back in the window, and I'll be right in. I look over Mordred's whole body. Hi, Doran! Hey, Idaho! Do you want to pull him in? Pull me back in! Oh, yeah, okay, I can do that. And I pull him back in. You should come in. It's warm, and there's less ferrets in here. Unless, I mean, you do you, but... Is Therapina in there? Yeah, she works here. And she's our friend! Therapina, Doran's here. You should come say hi. Shut up, Idaho. I walk up to the door and open it. You walk up to the door and open it. Therapina, are you still hiding at this point? No, I have turned around to the bar, and I am furiously cleaning glasses, because I didn't think he was actually going to show up. Okay. And that's the scene as you walk into the bar, Doran. Mordred, Idaho, good to see you guys. It's been a long time. Yeah, it's been so long. Oh, my God, it's so great. We're all here. I mean, except for Colin, but... He's in the great tunnel underneath the earth. Well, I mean, I can see Mordred still. He's on a nice tunnel farm. He's plodding along to interrupt people. What has happened to your hair? So it turns out that baldness runs in my family, and mine is quite acute. It comes on very early. And this is actually a really trendy look at Paladin Academy. The circle, it represents like a halo, you know what I mean? It's like the angels, what's holy and good and free and just, you know? So you are a choir boy. I like to think of myself as the best soprano in the choir. Wow. But I am not in the choir. I couldn't get in. I don't know any Malorese vulture. That's the most amazing thing I've ever heard. We'll come back to that. I'm going to walk up to the bar and order a drink. What can I get you? I'll have an ale. Any particular kind? Your best. They're all pretty shitty. I'm going to put a gold piece on the bar. I pick it up and flick it back at Doran on the house. I walk over to the tap and I pour a very, very foamy ale across that to Doran. Thank you, that looks delicious. I turn to Mordred, wow, it's so good to see good friendship. Free ale, extra foam, you really love to see it. Don't you just? They look like right where we left them off. Serafina is kind of ferociously looking at Doran, but also there's so much sadness in her eyes. Doran is looking everywhere but at Serafina, mainly into his extremely foamy beer as he tries to get a drink out of it. I walk up behind, noticing a lot of tension, and I go, well, Doran, are you here to give us a hand? You know, we're all back together, you know, a team once more. Yeah, I mean, I heard about your sister. It felt like I had to come. Thanks. I heard that you were in town and, well, you didn't say hi, but I guess that's not really surprising. What I'm trying to say is that I'm surprised you're here. No, I guess we didn't. Yeah, well, you sounded desperate, so. Well, I am. Hope is missing, Doran. These other two, they came of their own volition, they came quickly, and the first thing they did was find me, and we're going to find Hope together. You're in? Yeah, I'm in. Good. Good. We can both sit down. Nope. Oh, sorry, you could say that. That seems like a reasonable move. Okay, just while we're here, Mordred, Idaho, do you want refills in the juice at all before we can sit down? Oh, I'm sorry, one juice, you know, I might have to go to the toilet later, you know, I don't know. Apples are up for refills, so I'll have one more. Yeah, I'll top it up. She takes a glass, tops up the apple juice. I could use a refill, too. I hold up my now empty foam glass. The foam's all evaporated. That's impressive, honestly. I drank it. Foam. Seraphine takes the glass and properly fills up a very, very liquid-filled glass, hardly any foam, and hands it back to Doran. That's my favorite kind of glass. I love it when they order a drink and they get a drink. Yeah, that's usually what happens. Man, isn't it great to have the gang back together again, guys? Oh, love it. Just friendship everywhere. It's good to see you too, bar boy. Yeah, let's go sit down. Here, Mordred, why don't you go in? There's a nice booth right here. Yeah, over there. I walk over to a booth, sit down, so I'm by the wall. I gesture at my newly-found friends again to... That's my seated preference for future episodes. I always want to sit by the wall. I'm writing it down. Thank you. This is coming back. Yeah. That's just Druid tradition. The youngest Druid has to sit closest to the wall. And just to clarify, Druids are usually in places with walls. Sometimes. They have groves and enclosures. Sometimes they go places, you know. Cave walls. Yeah, okay. We'll cut that. Cave walls and trees. Sorry, I forgot caves have walls and trees are walls. Yeah, big trees that happen sometimes. So you're all sitting at a booth. There's this kind of palpable tension in the air. Not just between Seraphine and Doran, though I would be lying if I didn't say primarily. It's been a while, and the letter is hanging over all of your heads. So, where do you think we should look for hope? Well, until recently, I really didn't have much of an idea. I've been searching around town. I've told the boys that there's nothing in the general store, in the forest nearby, the park, any of our old places. But I found out that around the time hope went missing, so did that old time Druid. That guy? That weird guy from our childhood? Weird? Weird? He wasn't weird, he was psychotic. Weird includes psychotic. He summoned a giant ferret. I liked that ferret, that was a good guy. He was for sure spooky. Well, it's the only lead I have currently, and I don't know what else to go off of, so it's what we have to work with. Well, I think I still know how to get in there. We can go to where he lives. That would be really good. Of the Doran, you probably noticed when you came in, but there's a wall or a fence around town, and that was established shortly after hope went missing, and I guess now the Druid went missing. I don't know if it's a coincidence, but I wouldn't be surprised if it were. No, I met Stinkin' Dagger out there. Stinkin' Sweet? Stinkin' Sweet, yeah, Stinkin' Dagger. His last name's Dagger. Hey, Mortimer, you know the time Druid, right? Like, you know that guy? I mean, yeah, he did teach me the early stuff, and he did drop me off with the first circle I stayed with, but to be honest, he wasn't like the rest of them. Like, the stuff that I really learned from him was just kind of off the wall, not sort of traditional Druid Grove traditions and stuff and how to do magic. So that wasn't just, like, Druid stuff. That was just a weird guy. That's not just how Druids are? He was a Druid for sure, but not like any other that I've ever seen. Can I confirm, Christian? Is this guy like any other Druid? Oh. Is this guy like any other Druid that I've ever seen in my life? You've never met a Druid quite like this guy. Yeah, and I can't quite put my finger on it, but he is Druidic. But he is no Druid like everybody else I've ever met, to be honest, after. Well, maybe we can find him. I remember when we were young, I don't know if you guys remember this, but we found his house in the forest. It's a weird stone house. Oh, man, those are good memories. Hey, Dorian, do you remember that? Yeah. Yes, Idaho, I remember that. I remember that very well. That was also my first day of school, when I met you guys for the first time. Oh, yeah. Oh, man, those are such good times. Good, good, good times. Those were not good times. Hey, any day where I get a couple more friends is a good time to me. It's also the day I met Sprinkles. I'm a pal. There's some good things, and there's some bad things, yeah. I don't think we can just focus on one and negate the other. I don't think it really matters. At this point, Dorian is fully pouting, like, literally grinding his teeth and staring at his beard. Well... Dorian, I'm sorry. I sense that I've misstepped here. And I want to buy you a drink. I'm sorry. I'll take your drink, choir boy. But I don't need your apology. Let's just figure out what we're going to do. Okay, I go to the bar to order him an orange juice. I was about to say, the usual. Serafina's literally sitting down behind you. Yeah, I want to get an orange juice for him. The vitamin C really can't be overstated. I'm coming right up, and Serafina walks up to the bar, pours an orange juice, walks back to the booth she was sitting at with you, and puts the orange juice in front of Dorian. She does charge Idaho. This one's not from the house. Instead, she holds out her hand. Thank you. Thank you for that. That's great. How much is an orange juice? What's our money like here? Two copper. I put in three copper. Thank you, Idaho. Fifty percent tip. Thank you, Idaho. This is great. This will really help me with the scurvy. I appreciate that. When the smallest increment of your money is... When the drink is only two of the smallest increment, it's hard to not tip a lot if you want to tip. I think Serafina does just think that's your normal behavior. You tip 50%. She's a green guy. To clarify, if Idaho Government tips 50% earlier what he said, should we tip 15% when he actually meant let's really under tip these guys. They were dicks. Don't let them know. Only tip them 15%. You only get good tips if you provide good service. All right. I don't like being shaken down. I was only going to tip them 15%. That's true. Even though they're government workers as far as we know. They make a pension. They don't need the tips. Anyway, I know it's not your favorite place, Doran, but maybe we should check it out. I think it could be a good idea. You can still get us in, right, Mordred? Oh yeah, I know that place like the back of my hand. I really don't see where else to start, so why don't we check it out? Sure, fine. Maybe he can help. Doran, can I ask you something? Is it the Druid you don't want to meet again, or is it the temple you don't want to go to again? I guess it's... Frankly, I should have killed that Druid a long time ago. Well, I'm glad you didn't. We learned at the academy that murder is generally frowned upon. Yeah, I learned about that, too. I'm glad! Is that a standard cut? For you, like the hair, is that a standard cut? Oh, yeah! I leaned down to show him the hole in my hair, and I go, well, it symbolizes a halo. It's a very divine thing. It lets us kind of get closer to the gods. And I think this is very stylish, you know? I'm going to pull out my notepad, and I'm going to flip through it to find a page of a vulture that's been drawn by me that has no hair on the top, and I'm like, like that. Yeah, exactly like that! And vultures are pretty stylish. That is an uncanny resemblance. Well, on a lighter note, you know, keeping it fresh, tomorrow it's getting pretty late. If I look at it, is it nighttime? It's like nighttime, and you know Idaho's already had one orange juice, and you've had two apple juices. Yeah, I don't want to go back and say hi to Mom. I'm buzzing. I'm on a sugar high. Let's hit the night. We'll head to the weird forest temple first thing tomorrow. Yeah, we could even meet up at the school. Yeah, we could do that. Sure, why not? Sweet. You all go home. All right, everybody, the team is back. You all go to sleep for the night. You wake up in the morning. Some of you, various different times. I imagine Idaho's up early. I imagine Doran's up late. I continued drinking after everyone left. So I would have had to have served you. No, no, I like to think I went home to my big empty mansion and drank alone. I also don't think Seraphine has been sleeping well, because it's the home to her and home to Cher. Yeah, that makes sense. So I imagine that she also would not be very well rested, and probably hasn't been for a while. Some of you wake up early. Some of you wake up late. Some of you, namely Seraphine, might not get much sleep at all. And Marjorie, honestly, you have a great sleep. You're back on the farm with your mom. I see how my luck is with the horses nowadays. Oh, they all hate you still. I figured. Just pure hatred emanating from these horses when you're around. Yeah, generally I like to think that animals like me, it's just these animals fucking hate me. Yes, these animals. The animals that know you. Just the ones in the farm. There's a few horses that I've been taught hatred, because, you know, violence behests violence. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. Okay. Got it. I wake up, do the Morton chores with Ma, and I head out. Hell, yeah. You do the chores with Ma. She gives you a big kiss. She talks to you and asks about a whole bunch of things that probably won't make it into the podcast, so I won't bother going into them. But she's very loving, and she's just missed you, and she's happy that you're doing well. And you head back out to that old stomping ground, and you all meet at about the same time at the end of things, after Idaho's done his morning routine. Morton did chores in Serafina. Once you show up as well. And you all go to where there used to be a school, and now there's just a placard saying, in memoriam, the high school. Man, they really, do they not have any more kids? It's kind of weird they never rebuilt it. I guess they're sitting here. I don't really know why they never made a new one. The neighboring town's close enough, I guess. I guess if they're not having any more kids, they don't need to do it. But Hope would have needed to go to high school. Eventually, yeah. Maybe she went to high school. How old is she now? Hope's 11. Hope's a brilliant young girl, but she couldn't have skipped all the way to high school. Well, maybe we can hope, and then be pleasantly surprised, perhaps. Hey, Serafina. I really don't think she's at high school right now. Serafina, I know she's not at high school. And please, I promise you, I don't mean this in any kind of facetious way, but don't give up hope. That's the first step to anything. And if you're not willing to look forward to the bright side of what could happen, what's the point of doing it in the first place? Hey, quick question, Idaho. If you tried really hard, do you think you could be any softer than you are right now? I know at least he has a heart and can feel emotions for his friends, like concern. Yeah, that's nice. It is. It's really nice that friends care for each other. This is really nice. No, but we're not talking about me right now. I want to talk about you, Serafina. Serafina, it's really important to me that we find hope. And I just think it's really important that we go into it thinking that good things can happen. I do appreciate it. I hear how I'm sounding right now. So I'm going to stop. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know. My mom decided on the name before she passed in childbirth, and I think it's kind of fitting for her. But it's a common word. I understand. I know you're not trying to be facetious. I get it. But I appreciate it. Thanks. To his credit, I don't think he's capable of being facetious, so probably in the clear on that one. When you all graduated, I don't know if any of you were capable of being facetious. And you guys see looking the exact same age as the day you last saw her, Mrs. Farburn, your high school teacher. Mrs. Farburn! Mrs. Farburn? Students! I didn't know you were all here. I didn't know Serafina was here. Well, why are you just at the old school grounds? I was just walking to the store, the general store. Do you still have a job, Mrs. Farburn? Mrs. Farburn? Ms. Farburn? Ms. Farburn. Mr. Farburn in the future? Well, as you guys all know, I'm an elemental, which means I'm steam stuffed in a human body, which makes it hard to date. You're not deserving of love, stuffed in a love body. Another lifetime. What are you all doing back? Well, I never left, but you know that, probably. Together! Back together! Yes, and we all love each other, right guys, y'all? No conflict. Yeah, whatever. Ms. Farburn, you used to know the old druid, right? Yeah, he helped me come here. And then when my portal was destabilized, when the school was destroyed by that giant ferret, he helped restabilize me. That man's a hero. At least he was. Wait, is he dead? I haven't heard from him in a while. It's been like four months. Two months. Mordred, when was the last time you heard from him? Well, he dropped me off six years ago. He had a very firm handshake, and then the next guy told me to forget everything he said about druidic magic. Okay, all right. So, Ms. Farburn, did he say anything about where he was going, what he was doing, if he was going with anyone at all? Nope, he was just doing the same work he was doing last I saw him. Anyways, I gotta run. What work is that? I don't know. Also, Ms. Farburn, with all due respect, you gotta run where? I'm going to the general store. They're having a sale. On what? Scrolls. What? Scrolls. Oh, just any kind of scroll? The ones for your hair. Ah, very good. Well, say hi to general store for us. Say hi to Farburn if you hear from him as well. Haven't heard from him since I last saw you guys together. Yeah, Doran? Sorry. That's okay. I feel like there's something maybe you're not telling us. It's really important that we know where this druid went. Is there anything you can tell us at all? Doran, would you make the second roll and give me an insight check? Yeah, I don't like this call and erasure that's going on. It's gotta be insight. Hey, no way we can do persuasion. That's a nine. It's a nine? You last interacted with this teacher as a child. Actually, Seraphina, do you want to say something? Yeah, before she goes, Ms. Farburn, if there is anything you can tell us, it's not just the druid that we're trying to find. It's Hope. She went missing around the same time, and if you do know anything, it would be really appreciated if you could tell us. I'm going to treat this as you giving Sam the health action. So, Sam, you can roll again, so you have advantage. So you take the best of the two rolls. So either a nine or... A 19. That's pretty good. All right, we're going for all 19 rolls. Nobody's allowed to roll anything else. I wasn't even going to. I'm so sorry. It'll happen. On a 19, there is a look on her face. A look that is hard to read because maybe as a being of pure steam, the face of the skin that steam is wearing is hard to read, but you've spent some time reading weird creatures and talking and gathering information from beings that don't have normal human faces that operate normally. What she says is as follows. All I know is that if there's anything that was going on, she would have been trying to protect Hope. Okay. Thank you. So weirdly specific piece of information that you know, it makes me feel like you know more than that, but... What's special about Hope? I... Sorry, I have to run. Again, the scrolls for my hair, I don't grow my hair myself, so it's important I keep it maintained. Sorry. You students, it is wonderful to see you all. I hope you all like teachers a little better than when we last met. And I hope you all have a wonderful day. I bow to Ms. Farber. Thank you for your service for all you've done for us in our formative years. We would not be the people we are if you hadn't done what you've done today. And they paid you so criminally little. Well, I actually got a paid room and board, but it's all right. I love you all students, all of you. Even you, Doran. Thanks, Ms. Farber. She walks off. All right. That was a... Kind of mean for a teacher to say that. I'm sorry, Doran, that was... That wasn't cool. No, it was weird that she said she loved me at all. Not where I was going with that, but I guess it's a start then. I guess. Wait, where were you going with that? Oh, I thought that the... It felt like a jab to me. But that she was saying, even you, do you know what I mean? No, frankly, I was expecting a lot worse. Hey, Doran, I'm here with you now, man. And I, like, I don't get too close, but I do, like, a very light shoulder pat. Thank you, choir boy. It means a lot. So... That was pretty suspicious. Yeah, I think we should really skedaddle towards where the druid used to live. I hate to say it, but I agree. I think that's a good idea. Okay, can I try to find the clearing that we found as kids? Or just the general direction that I've been through? Presumably these paths. You know, you've walked so much on that path that it turned from, like, a deer trail to, like, an actual path. So I'm going to say that the path now has probably returned to a deer trail at most, but you've walked up and down it so many times, you know its location. You know it takes you right up that mountain. Mortred, you went here a lot as a kid, right? Oh, yeah. This is kind of the guy you trained with originally when we were growing up. Yeah, I mean, this guy's the one who showed me a lot of the early druid books. You know, Druidic for Dummies, Old Bestiaries, that kind of stuff. He also showed me Sprinkles, which, to be honest, aside from the fact that there's lots of little guys like him around I've never seen outside of here before, but yeah, no, not a lot of, just the early stuff. Is there any, like, weird druid stuff that, like, we should be warned of in here? Like, do you think that there's going to be, like, druid traps? You know, druid animals, druid, like, signposts saying, do not enter. Oh, Idaho, if we were, they, druids wouldn't set traps. We'd be mauled by now if they were trying to stop us. This druid would set traps. That's really reassuring. What would a druid trap be like? A big bear? I am curious, yeah. Well, actually, so druids used to have this trap called the Boar Slam, where you put a bunch of boars really high up and you drop them on people. And it's called the Boar Slam, and you have four or five boars and they charge at you. Yeah, it's kind of crazy. Sometimes they even also turn into boars, so there's like ten of them. I do not like boar slams personally, but... Have you experienced a boar slam? Well, it's like a, in the circle that I came in, it's kind of an initiation ritual, that everybody gets boar slammed once. It seems kind of like a ham-fisted ritual. So what do boars do when they're not slamming people? Are they up in a net, or do they live there? Well, yeah, so they're conditioned to live up in trees. These are actually specially bred boars that live up in trees and berries up there. They're actually quite beautiful creatures. I'm here, and then I'm going to flip over, and I'm going to show a sketch of what is a boar eating a berry on top of a tree. Wow, you just got that ready. You see the boars have a ball to have like very, very small wings on their backs. Well, you know, I didn't think, when pigs fly, right? I didn't really think I'd ever see that. What other kind of hazing do they do during your circle training? Well, there's that, and then we're sent to train and to go out there and have no contact with the outside world for multiple years at a time. Okay, okay, okay. And as you say that, you walk up to the pair of old doors. Surrounding the doors, the steel is teal stone, slightly protruding from the mountain. It looks dirty, and as though perhaps even a small rock slide or dirt slide has covered up a fair amount, but it's still easily able to be entered. I nudge. I look. I point at the dirt slide, and I kind of nudge more toward, like, oh, skyboards. From above, right? I look up, and I don't see any tree probably. Are there any really tall trees? Yeah, there's a lot of really tall trees. We'll be fine, I think. I'm going to investigate quickly for traps or anything like that. Yeah, give me an investigation check. There's actually the boar trap above. That'll be a 15. A 15? No traps outside. With a 15 investigation check, I will say you do note tracks, but the only tracks that you note appear to be going into the doors, not out of. Can I walk up to the door and see if there's any, like, druid runes or something, like anything written? There isn't. All right. I'm going to just try to open that door. Oh, yeah. You open the door. Sorry, does it just open? I thought. That's it. In the sense of, no, you open the door, and as it creeps open, that you've been to, not a hundred times, but tens of times, a cozy interior with some cool doors that lead off to antechambers and one other door in the back that you all feel the ominous presence coming from. And, Doran, you in particular know this door all too well. Doran, are you okay? You've kind of caught your breath here. Do you guys feel that? I feel something. There's something coming from behind that door, right? Yeah. Do you guys notice that? Yeah. Is that the room from the first time we were here that he took you into? Yeah, that's the one. Doran, I don't, it seems like you're reliving a moment here. But I want to ask you, if Hope ran off and ended up here in this temple, would she be safe from what you, because you know this place more intimately than we do. Well, aside from maybe Mordred. I don't know who's been behind those doors. Safe is really a matter of speaking, isn't it? I mean, she's more likely to see something she shouldn't than, I guess, be physically harmed. I guess he wouldn't kill her. But, because you saw something that you shouldn't have seen back there when we were kids, right? Yeah. Okay, so she's probably not dead. But you know better than anyone that people can live through things that make them want to be. She's at high school. You know, it might not be this. I don't think she's at high school. Well, without going to high school... She's not at fucking high school, choir boy. I'm sure she's safe. I can understand the sentiment. Let's just, let's see if we can find, before we go through that door that looks really spooky and scary, maybe we should look through these other doors, make sure that there's nothing, no leads or something. With a 15 investigation check, the tracks go to one door. Tracks lead over there, guys. Which door is it? It's the door. Goddammit, that's how he gets you. You think, oh, it's going to be a different door, but no, it's always the fucking door. The old face switch. I'm pretty sure they went in there. I appreciate the sentiment that you think, you guys think that she's safe, but I'm going inside that fucking door, and Doran, I don't ask that you come with me, but I have to go into that door and I have to find hope. It's not up for debate. You can join me, you don't have to, but I have to go through it. I don't see what he could do to me now. I'm not going to let you go in there alone. I want to blow a spell slot, and I want to cast Protection from Evil and Good. Okay, what does that do? I'm trying to decide who I want to cast this on, but it's going to be for ten minutes. Until the spell ends, one willing creature that you touch is protected against aberrations, celestials, elementals, fey, fiends, and undead. And it goes on to describe stuff, what that protection means, like disadvantage on attack rolls that target the person I've chosen, that can't be charmed or possessed or frightened or anything like that. I think I'm just saying a prayer. Clearly, Idaho is misstepping a little bit in these conversations and wants to feel like he's actually being helpful in some way, so I think I'm going to cast it on Seraphina. If you are willing to receive this. Would I feel anything, or is it just like you said, it happens so it happens? It's a willing creature, so you can choose. In the game, you can choose, but I think it would be me just kind of saying a prayer and gesturing towards you. Are you going to ask permission, or are you just doing it? I think I say the prayer and the magic, and you can choose whether or not you want to accept this. Do you know what I mean? That's kind of how I view this. She would. I'm just curious what that would feel like. Do you know? How do you feel? Because we're going heavy on the choir motif here, I think that I... No, no, no, hold on. I kind of gesture towards Seraphina, and I go, Seraphina. Somebody join in. It's just a prayer for you. It's shaking its head. May you be blessed, Seraphina. We will find... We're all going to go through that door if you're going to go through that door. We're not going to let you out of here. Ah. Together then? We go through the door? Yeah, let's go through the door. Adventure awaits. I'm right behind you. Okay. Seraphina walks up, and she tries to pull the door open, and she opens it, and then what happens? Behind the door is this humongous chamber. It almost seems like the inside of the mountain has been carved out. In the center lies a large, probably ten foot by ten foot circle with what seems to be controls. Around it, another outer circle that is hollowed out and seems to go down and up all the way to a stone arch at the top. As you guys approach, Doran, you would remember these were the controls. And Mordred, you can read Druidic, right? Yeah, I can. You see the lever is set to one of three dials, or one of three positions. The forward position, which is the future. The backwards position, which is the past. And the position in between, which is labeled the forest. There is also a large button. What is it set to currently? The... It is set to the forest. Okay. The UI on this is really good. Like, that's very intuitive. Okay. Okay. So there's forest, future, and present? The future, the forest, and the past. The past, okay. Um, yeah. So, I think we pull this lever and hit a button and something should happen, but... Doran, do you remember what he did last time when you've been here with him? It was already on when we came in. Do you have... I mean, I can't read what these say, but it was... Wait, Mordred, can you read this? Yeah, so that one says future, forest, and past. And the lever is currently set to the forest. That makes sense. We're in the forest, I guess. I think I can pretty safely say that last time I saw it, it was set to future. Okay. Well, we could try to hit the button. Is everybody comfortable with that, the button? I don't know what it does, but... Go ahead. We've got to find Hope something. I guess that's not right. Hey, you only live twice, right? I'm going to press the button. How's that? You press the button. And the podcast ends. Good job, guys. We are dying. You can't give us a button, and it says you have to press it. You all hear the sound, the singing, like wind through trees, like choirs in the back of your mind from far away, and then a slow beat starts to beat in your mind. And you feel it in your heart, and you feel it in your soul, and it gets faster and faster, and the choir gets louder and louder and more and more full of energy. Dorn, this is not exactly what happened to you last time. This is something slightly different. You feel the room begin to spin, as all of a sudden what was stone walls becomes color and becomes almost visions of things that could maybe happen. And as the beat in your head and your heart goes faster and faster and faster and faster and faster and faster, you all feel yourselves almost be lifted up, and as you look down now, there is no floor. There is nothing around you to anchor you. There is just the four of you floating in this one space of color. Oh, fuck. And then something feels wrong. The beat going faster and faster and faster feels good, but a note almost like one singer in the choir is wrong. Oh, it's a bad trip, guys. Mordred, you feel yourself being pulled backwards, and then forward suddenly. And you guys begin to watch as Mordred begins flying off in one direction, away from the rest of you. Should I try to grab onto somebody? Yeah, give me an athletics check. I think I reached out my hand to solve it. Mordred. I do as well. You all reach out your hand for Mordred. Don't speak to me. Wow. I hope it's 19. I'm 19. Mordred, you grab. I'm keeping my trauma, guys, so I'm not thinking about it anymore. Mordred, you grab onto Serafina and you grab onto Idaho, but you feel this force pulling you so hard it's either going to rip you in half or you're going to let go. You have an extra second. I'm going to let go if it's going to rip me in half. If it's to the point where it's either going to be like I feel myself in mortal danger, I think I would let go. Yeah, okay, perfect. You feel yourself in mortal danger and you see the eyes of your friends holding onto you for one last second before you're ripped and flung, spitting. And Mordred, Mordred, you are gone. And Carlos is out of the podcast. Wait, I tried to put Carlos in a different room. Oh, actually. And the rest of you feel yourselves being pulled away and away, and then you feel yourselves as the discordant melody is in your head getting louder and more and more off-key until it's something jazz. You feel yourselves begin getting pulled away from each other. Who do you grab onto? I reach for Serafina. And Idaho, you're flung off. I think that I can't decide if it's funnier if I reach out for Idaho or if I don't even notice people are reaching for each other. I'm looking the other way, do you know what I mean? You're turned around. So, Mordred, I actually think you feel yourself being flung and spun and going into unconsciousness as you try to hold on. You feel yourself almost about to vomit and feeling lightheaded. And suddenly, you feel nothing. You are waking up. You can't see anything. You feel cold. But numb. Kind of wet. Felt like feeling. Hot. And as you open your eyes, it looks hot. But as you open them more and more, what you begin to realize is that that snow is actually just the ash falling. And in front of you, you see the kindling. You see bodies. You see what looks like humans or creatures, monsters, beasts, trees. You see burning. And in front of you, holding a humongous hammer, you see a woman. Bright golden armor. Blonde hair flowing in a wind that does not blow the ash. And a small piece of cloth over her eyes. She begins to approach you and takes a couple steps forward. And as she moves, you realize that she is also man. Probably about ten feet. Same size as the hammer she holds in one hand. Oh, you must have touched my phone. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. 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