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If you’re actively on dating apps, Lily Womble, a dating coach and founder of Date Brazen, says there are 6 common mistakes you are probably making. We discuss these mistakes and tips on how to avoid making them. We mix in personal stories of cringe mistakes and tips of our own. Pro tip: avoid the overwhelming dating app dilemma by being selective of the dating apps you use, the swipes you make, and the matches you entertain.
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If you’re actively on dating apps, Lily Womble, a dating coach and founder of Date Brazen, says there are 6 common mistakes you are probably making. We discuss these mistakes and tips on how to avoid making them. We mix in personal stories of cringe mistakes and tips of our own. Pro tip: avoid the overwhelming dating app dilemma by being selective of the dating apps you use, the swipes you make, and the matches you entertain.
Listen to Your Dating Profile and Approach are Cringe by Branded and Tailored MP3 song. Your Dating Profile and Approach are Cringe song from Branded and Tailored is available on Audio.com. The duration of song is 48:34. This high-quality MP3 track has 739.333 kbps bitrate and was uploaded on 24 May 2023. Stream and download Your Dating Profile and Approach are Cringe by Branded and Tailored for free on Audio.com – your ultimate destination for MP3 music.
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The transcription is a conversation about dating app mistakes and tips for avoiding them. The main points discussed include using too many dating apps, treating dating like a numbers game, constantly swiping for matches, and the importance of being intentional and mindful when using dating apps. The conversation also touches on specific dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and Coffee Meets Bagel, as well as the concept of the "alley-oop theory" which suggests that maintaining connections with potential matches can lead to future opportunities. The conversation emphasizes the importance of quality over quantity when it comes to matches and suggests limiting time spent on dating apps and being more intentional in swiping and messaging. So, one of the things that drives both of us nuts and is very common in this area is for guys to have pictures with fish. Mm-hmm. I don't know why you need to throw up your prize trout. I really don't care that you have fish. But like, why do you have six fish pictures? Hi, love. Welcome back to another episode of Branded and Tailored. Today, we're going to talk about dating app mistakes people are probably making and how to stop making those mistakes. So, we found an article from InStyle that has six dating app mistakes. So, we'll go through those and the tips in the article to try to avoid those mistakes. But we also plan to intermingle some stories of just general, like, sticks that we've experienced on dating apps. Yeah. I mean, it's hot girl season, hot boy season. I don't know what you call it. Hot people. We're out here outside, mingling, you know, you want to put yourself out there if you are looking to find a partner, find a summer spring fling, and here we go. So, as Brandy mentioned, we found this article that mentions the top six mistakes and just tips on how we can avoid those mistakes. And you ready to go through number one? Let's do it. Okay. Mistake number one, when you're online dating, you are using too many dating apps. So, if you're using too many dating apps, chances are you're not focusing on the right characteristics. You know, there are way too many options out there and we're just swiping, swiping left and right and we're not being intentional about what we're doing. So, again, just maybe their tip here is focusing on one or two apps that maybe appeal to you and see what is out there from the two. Yeah. So, one of the things that it talks about in here is more dating apps doesn't mean higher odds. It just means more frustration and burnout because you're going to be focusing on different platforms. There's going to be more people out there and it's just going to be more conversations potentially that you have to entertain and slipping between apps. I know in the past when I've been on these apps, it's annoying to me to keep going and opening an app to even message anybody. So, I guess they're probably like, oh, I'm so annoyed with this. Just text me. That's even more annoying when you're doing that on multiple apps. I genuinely don't know how people do it. So, like Taylor said, the tip that they give is really to be selective. So, Taylor, do you want to talk about the different options and which sites they say are better? Yeah. So, the first two, which ironically I use, so there's Tinder. So, they mentioned that Tinder is a great way to have a quick connection if you're looking here because it's a platform most users use. Yeah. I've seen it used by multiple people and it's nice when you are matched with somebody on Tinder, either person, whether girl or guy, could reach out, whereas Bumble, which is another one I use, also great too, a lot of options, but the only catch here is with Bumble, if you do match, the women on the app have to reach out to the guys. Otherwise, if the women don't reach out, then that match just kind of ceases. So, that's the one thing that with Bumble, I mean, I'm on it less than Tinder just because I don't like that piece of it. I feel weird phishing for guys, but again, as long as you reach out and you have a good opening line, which we'll get to in a moment, then it's good. They also mention here too that Hinge, OkCupid, or Match are all great platforms to use when looking for a partner. Hinge is something that I used before and it's okay. It has a little bit more prompts, more pictures, but I just haven't been too successful there. I wonder if this app is still available, but when I first got into the dating scene, I was a little hesitant about Tinder just because I thought it was just, you matched people to hook up with. I think that is primarily what it is. Primarily, yeah. I mean, maybe not. That's why they said a quick connection. Yeah. That's the nice way of saying that. Right. But when I first entered the dating scene, there was Coffee Meets Bagel. Yeah, I've heard of that. Where I first used that, I'm like, okay, well, I'm out here to find a partner. I don't want to find a quick hookup. I used that and that one was okay. I don't know how popular it is now, but yeah. I don't know. I haven't heard of it in a while, so I don't know. I think a lot of my friends really are dating now, so they're not on these sites anymore, but also the ones that I know of my friends, people have really mostly been on Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge. Do you know of people that use, maybe not these apps, but like Instagram for dating that slide into the DMs? Kind of, but I feel like when I've heard of that, it's been more of they've casually met somebody in a group or it's a friend of a friend. It's not like just random people that they're messaging on Instagram. Right. Even though I do get random messages from time to time because... You have a public profile, though. I do, but it's just so weird to me that people would do that, but I don't know. Yeah, now that's why mine's private. Leave me alone. I don't know. People are trying to shoot their shot, I guess. I don't know. Yeah, so you said you're more hesitant with Bumble. Honestly, I think I like Bumble better because I don't like getting those disgusting hookup messages that I feel like I tended to get on Tinder, which is just gross. And probably when I'd be on there, I should have had better opening lines and whatever, but I'm just like, hi, which you're not supposed to do. But that's fine. But for women, it helps you avoid unsolicited messages. And then for men, it helps you... Because the woman actually has to reach out. You're not just going to be messaging 20 people hoping for somebody to respond. So there's a give and take with all of these, but I don't know. I do know two people that met on Tinder that are married now, but I wouldn't think that I would expect to, you know. It's possible. Just for me, I just feel weird that... I don't know. I don't like being the chaser. I like to be chased, but that's just me. But it's just an opening message. It is, but it's just weird to me. But that's just my personal preference. But again, like you said, it's to control that awkward, cringy messages that guys sometimes send out because they're just stupid. And it works for one person, so why not keep using it and working it? And it's just... I don't know. I'll just go ahead now and say one of the most cringy. This is one that just sticks out to me because it's so bad. But a long, long time ago, like years ago, I was on Tinder, and I got a message of, you look like you want to sit on my face. Yeah. And I was like, ew. Gross. Absolutely not. So I'd go look at the guy's profile just to see whatever, because I was disgusted. And he had a daughter who he had pictures with on there. And I'm just like, you are a father. Do you not talk to women like this? Like, you're a father of a little girl. And you think this is okay? Like, no, I don't want to sit on your face. Dad. Dad. It blows my mind. I mean, obviously, if the guy is using that cringy of a line, it works somewhere. Otherwise, why do you continue to use it? I don't know. I don't... Yeah, I don't know either. To me, stuff like that's only funny if you already know someone. Mm-hmm. But like, just as a... This is the first thing you ever say to me. Please don't. Yeah. Let's see. Let's see. I had a guy recently say... Oh, maybe... I think it was on Bumble, actually. Taylor's scrolling and opening all of... There's some people where I just like... I start off strong, and then I just lose interest, and then there they go. Like, okay. But some guy... Oh, I think he deleted it, actually. Yeah, because I wouldn't respond to him. But straight up just said, Mommy. Ew. Oh, I remember you telling me about that. Yeah, just Mommy. Mommy. What? And then you're looking like a healthy snack. I think I read that one before on a previous podcast. But what are we doing out here, y'all? Yeah, I don't get it. All right, so mistake number two on these dating apps. When you're treating dating like a numbers game, okay? So treating dating like a numbers game leads to bigger problems with dating today. So it just gets congested and overloaded. You need to be intentional about dating. You need to be intentional about what you want. Like, just because you match with somebody, it's not, ooh, I scored points in a game. No, that's not the point of these dating apps, to, like, match with as many people as you want. So what? You're attractive, and somebody else finds you attractive, so bam, you match, okay? So as soon as you're on it, like, put the phone down as soon as you start to feel the overload to creep in on people and just stick with what you want. Yeah, I think the gist of the dating, don't treat dating like a numbers game is really just that quantity doesn't necessarily mean that you have a better chance of finding a partner. And also when you're entertaining so many different people and potentially going on dates with tons of different people, you don't really, like, have the energy to, like, actually devote potentially to really getting to know someone. So it talks about how this can lead to cognitive overload. Like, there's just too much going on. You're going to get very frustrated. You're going to get anxious. So here you're for the few, not for the many. And so I think with that mindset has the potential to completely change your dating game. Yeah. Also, have you ever seen any – do you watch Friends? No. Oh, okay. There's this episode where Phoebe is dating, and she goes on multiple dates and just talks about this, how it's just, like, overloading, like, keeping track of who she's dating who. And when I used to live in Florida for a moment, I felt like that because I went on different dates with at least two – I think two or three different guys in the same week. And, like, I lost track of, like, what story I told to what guy and, like, what family dynamic does this one have versus the other one. I'm like, oh, yeah, like, your sister. He goes, I don't have a sister. I'm like, oh, crap. Okay, well. So make sure you keep a book. Keep a journal about this. Keep an entire book. Like, if you can't keep them sorted, you're probably talking to too many people. Exactly. All great guys, but they weren't it. But then also I couldn't keep my story straight. Too much. It was way too much. That's the thing, too. Like, if you are having these, like, real deeper conversations, you're not going to remember who said what. That's what it means. That's what it means. So then it's, like, you have to re-have those conversations, and then that's awkward because then persons who are, like, dumb, like. These guys probably thought that. They're like, I don't have a sister. I just told you that story. You already retold that story to me. I'm like, ew. Clearly you're not paying attention. Yeah. When you talk to me. I mean, I was young. I just wanted to get out of the house and take me out. But also, too, what we mentioned before, just being intentional about dating, like, you know, and find out what you want and then go for that. And I don't know. The way I date now, I'm definitely not. I'm not doing that. As Brady mentioned before, it takes way too much energy to date. Like, it takes a lot of energy for me to go on one date, let alone, like, multiple dates in a week. Whatever date I'm on, I'm putting in the effort to get ready to get everything I need done out of the way with early in the day so that way I can just focus on the date, focus on the person. This is, you know, I don't want to treat it like an interview, but this is an interview for my potential partner, if not, like, maybe you're going to be a friend of mine in the future. Like, I don't want to just willy-nilly, like, have these stupid conversations and then forget about it, you know? Yeah. It's just I couldn't sit there and be texting, like, 10 different people daily. Like, that's too much. Way too much. Way too much. But, you know, like, there are people that do. I mean, I used to. Now it's too much. I don't do it anymore. But I'm going to throw out this theory to you, Brandy. All right. Let's go. Okay. So the theory is the alley-oop theory. I guess so, but I have an idea. Okay. So the alley-oop theory. So if you know basketball, okay, when a person throws up the ball and the other person goes up near the hoop and they take the ball and they slam dunk it. Okay. So I took this theory from Jared Freed. He's a comedian, and he said this on another podcast called Girls Gotta Eat. If you love this podcast, you'll love that one, too. Kind of the same dynamic. We talk about a lot of the same different topics. But anyway, so he introduces this theory. And for the longest time growing up, I'm like, wow, like, all these guys, why do they keep texting me? Why are they asking me how my day is or what I'm doing? Or why are they trying to keep this connection with me when they live in different states, when they live so far away from me? I have one guy from Texas, one guy from Florida, one guy from freaking California. Like, why do all these guys want to keep these connections with me? It just doesn't make sense. Like, for me, out of sight, out of mind. If I don't see you, like, okay, whatever, bro. We're not going to have anything, right? So the alley-oop theory that Jared Freed mentions in this podcast, which made it click for me, is you're giving yourself that toss-up, okay, with all these texts of making sure the connection that you have with that person is good. So that way the next time that they are in town and they hit you up, they can slam dunk that. So, yeah, so these guys that are girls, could be girls too, that reach out and build these connections with you and try to keep cool, again, just intentions. Maybe their intentions aren't to date you, but it's just to, hey, the next time I'm in Pennsylvania and I want to slide in, like, we good. Like Luna said, I got hoes in different areas. Yeah, exactly. So be careful about that, the alley-oop theory, because it does exist, it does happen. Should we go on to mistake number three? Yup, what is it? Sorry, mistake number three, when you're swiping all the time. They talk about how dating apps were designed to feel like games, and our brains get a hit of dopamine when we get a match. Yup. So you get a match and you're like, ooh, somebody like me, they think I'm attractive. But then this messes up your brain system of reward, and this is a problem that a lot of people are having, is they're just constantly swiping on these dating apps just to get the reward of continuously having matches. Yeah, this article also says, these dating app dopamine hits are like fast food, gratifying in the moment and fleeting. They also leave you craving for more. So if your desired outcome is a great date or even a relationship, it's time to quit playing games with dating apps and start swiping with intention. I keep repeating intention, and here the article is talking about being intentional. So, yeah, I mean, it does feel good when you're swiping, you're swiping, and it pops up, like, you've matched. Ooh, somebody finds me attractive. And I don't know. I mean, I will admit there are times when I'm like, dang, I felt like I connected with this guy, and now he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I'm like, okay, so I'm going to swipe on these. It's like, oh, I got a match. Okay, I'm good looking. I'm satisfied. I'm done. It's like a self-reassurance, and it's silly. But, yeah, when it comes to searching for a partner or wanting a relationship, like, yeah, you can't, again, treat these apps like a numbers game because it's not. You know, you need to figure out what you want and not have these ten dudes or ten girls in your inbox that you matched with, and all the messages are just, hey. You know? Yeah, so they suggest limiting dating apps used to 10 to 20 minutes a day when you feel good about yourself and you're cozy and awake. So you're not on there just looking for the instant gratification of getting the matches. You're swiping more intentionally, and you're being more mindful of who you're swiping on. And it also recommends that people turn off their dating apps because just constantly getting messages and getting notifications can become stressful, and it probably really isn't worth your time to, you know, just have this stuff popping up on your phone all day distracting you. So swiping and messaging at set times of the day can lower stress and lead to higher quality matches and greater sense of agency over your dating life. So you feel like you have more power in your dating life because you're being more intentional, probably more likely to actually have a quality match. Mm-hmm. They also mention here, too, in the article, they recommend keeping someone waiting for a response for a few hours may work to your benefit, too. And a lot of us girls sometimes we get anxious or even guys, oh, maybe I need to respond fast or maybe not. Like, it's okay to take a minute to respond, right? It gives you time to focus on yourself and do what you need to do, limit your time on these dating apps. Because with this method, you'll have fewer matches in your inbox, but those matches will be much more exciting and your type than those that you find aimlessly swiping. So quality, not quantity, is what we're after here. Maybe another kind of extra tip here, too. I don't know, it doesn't say in this article, but I did have one of my friends when we were talking about dating apps, he expressed to me that he tends to open his app up and start swiping on Wednesdays. Because then that delays the conversation some, but just enough of a delay where it gets into that Thursday night, Friday night of, okay, if you're having a good conversation with someone, then that's a great way of, hey, like, this is fun, this is great, why don't we meet out for dinner? Why don't we meet out for drinks? And if you're matching with somebody, say, on a Monday or a Tuesday, well, then it sort of is too long of a gap to reach to that weekend to match and go out with somebody. Yeah, so there's less of a lag whenever you make the match and start talking. Correct. When people are more likely to be able to meet up and go on a date. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. But then again, if you're willing to go out on, say, like, a Wednesday night or Thursday, whatever, then the silly Wednesday swipe rule deter you from doing that. I think, Brandy, you and I went on our date on a Wednesday night. Yeah, ours was during the week. Yeah. That's a good thing, too, though. Like, if you're being more mindful of who you're matching with and who you're spending time talking to and meeting up with, like, that's just generally you're going to have more time to meet up with the people you actually want to meet up with because you're not like, oh, shit, I already got date plans on Wednesday and I got date plans on Thursday. Like, I've had friends go on dates, like, every day in a row. Multiple. That used to be me. Yeah, I would go on a Wednesday night, then a different guy, different place Thursday night, Friday night. It was hard to keep up. That's the other thing, too. So then you go on a date and the next night you're just, like, in my head until 10 o'clock. Like, that's awkward. My roommates try to help me out. What I lived it for, like, okay, who is this guy? Tell us about him. We got to prep you. Shoot, I should have had them make me flashcards. This is why we don't talk to that many people. We don't need dating flashcards. Oh, my God. Early, or not early, but late 20s. 20s Taylor was just a different breed. She had energy. She went out. I didn't know what I was doing. Now I'm one date a week. Maybe. Maybe. Yeah, this is way too much. But, again, I'm very, I know what I want, though, now, versus maybe younger 20s where I'm like, I'm kind of a free bird. I want to have fun. Not that I don't want to have fun now, but I am very picky with my time. Again, we talk about intentions, but I can just tell within a conversation if I really like a guy or not and if I see them matching and blending with my life very well. Again, just as I'm getting older, there's certain things that I'm definitely looking for in a guy versus somebody that I just want in my life to have fun. Yeah. I think the other thing, too, as we get older, we have more and more responsibilities, so we have less and less free time, and the free time we do have, it becomes more where you definitely probably want to spend some time to yourself, because then that means there's even less time to meet up with these random people, because you obviously want to keep time for yourself, keep time for your friends, make sure you have enough time to do the things that you really need to do, and sleep. Right. Right. Exactly. So, mistake number four. You've been kind of talking about this. What is it, Taylor? So, mistake number four is entertaining nowhere conversations. So, they mention here, ever have a pointless conversation on daily apps with questions like, how's your day going? Or, oh, they mention here, cute dog, what's his name? And they just don't go anywhere. It's very discouraging. It's boring. So, whenever you open up your dating apps and you open up with a message, I always like to start off with a question or just something, like, that you notice about maybe their pictures that they posted or just an interesting fact. Something, something other than, like, the, hey, how are you? How are you doing? Just recently. Which is totally what I used to do whenever I was on there. Actually, just recently, me and this one guy we matched up with on Tinder, and the NBA playoffs are going off right now. And so, instead of just saying, like, hey, what's up? How you doing? I reached out and was like, so, hey, well, actually, I think I did. I said, hey, how's it going? But then, more importantly, Celtics or Heat? What's your take? And, like, they got right into it. And they know from the start with that question that, hey, she's asking me about basketball. She's obviously into sports. So, like, this is cool. I'm going to know a little bit more about her. And, like, maybe we can do, like, a fun banter. Like, well, I like Miami. Well, I like the Heat or, you know, whatever, Celtics. That's the same thing. Same thing. Yeah. And then we can go back and forth, even though, you know, I'm not that hard about basketball. But it's just it's still fun. Like, fun banter conversations are always, like, good, too. So, as a tip here is to use an opening message with the question you really want to know the answer to. So, two examples are what's bringing you the most joy right now. And the other one is who in your family makes you laugh the hardest. Yeah. I mean, again, questions. And not just yes or no questions, but questions that are open-ended that get them to answer fully and expand on whatever you're asking. Yeah. I think asking open-ended questions, so not questions that you can just say yes or no. Yeah. Yeah. Quality time is important. Yeah. Like, something fun, something funny. I had a guy, again, try to steer away from these cringy one-liners because sometimes they're good. Like, a majority of the times they're not good. And it's just awkward. Fail. Yeah. Yeah. They always make me cringe. And then I, again, I forget to answer back. And then the conversation just dies. Well, even says here, the noncommittal people who can't be bothered to put thought into their reply or a gift because they're eliminating themselves from your dating pool, which is already too big. Right. Right. Exactly. All right. So mistake number five. So mistake number five, when you are messaging too much. So one of the biggest mistakes I see for people is getting into never-ending conversations on dating apps. So, again, when you message with a match for weeks on end and desire a relationship, your actions don't match with ultimately what you want. So, yeah. Actually, I talked about this with a friend previously that mentioned about the Wednesday dating rule, or not rule, but something he goes by, is messaging. He'll try to message between three and four times back and forth until finally, like, okay, I'm going to make a move. Am I compatible with this person? Do I see myself having fun with this person? After, like, the fourth or third message, like, hey, let's entertain a date now. Because that's where you're really going to build a connection in person. You can see the nonverbal versus just what you read through texting. You can picture or pick up on just other things that you just can't get in the virtual world. So, yeah, definitely I don't like to leave messages, you know, days on end. I mean, if you match with somebody, hopefully you're not matching with somebody, like, 500 miles away. Aren't you the one that said you'd be interested in Wanderlove? I did not. I was like, absolutely not. I did not. But you know what's funny is I swiped left so many times here that one time I'm like, ooh, I got a guy. And then it was Cincinnati. Like, oh, okay, cool, cool. So you're telling me there's no chance with somebody here. We're out of options. Yeah. So, yeah, avoid messaging too much. Maybe if you can see yourself meeting with this person, really building a relationship with this person, then maybe throw it out there on entertaining a date and seeing how that goes. You don't need another pen pal in your life. Yeah, that's what I like about this one is, like, are you looking for a pen pal or are you trying to date? Because if somebody is just going to keep messaging, messaging, messaging, and then never bringing up meeting up, then probably not going to meet up. Right, right. And then there's some people on here, and maybe you have every intention of, hey, I'm on these dating apps because I want a partner. I want a relationship. But the person you matched with just wants validation that they're great looking and they're whatever. Oh, maybe, maybe, because this happened to me in Utah. I have a secret girlfriend. Ew. Yes. This is crazy. So I matched with somebody in Utah, went on a few dates. He had an Instagram, but, like, his girlfriend was never posted. I did not know he had a girlfriend. No idea. So we went on eight or so different dates. Like, we were exclusively hanging out. And then finally I opened up about, like, other stuff that happened in my past and whatever. Like, we really got close. And he finally mentioned over a phone call of our last date and said, hey, like, Taylor, you're so down to earth. You know, really like you, da, da, da. I just, I have to be open and honest that I have a girlfriend. Why did I meet you on a dating app? That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I was, I mean, I was both hurt and mad and, like, all the different emotions. But it was just, like, why? And, again, he got, he told me he got on the app just to entertain what was out there. And he really did believe he would meet somebody as, like, down to earth as me. Ew. Yeah, yeah. So, again, I don't know how to avoid that other than maybe I should have asked more questions. But, again, like. I think a fair assumption is somebody doesn't have a partner if they're on a dating app. Right. Unless they're, like, we're looking for a third. Right, yeah. I mean, what I've, it's so crazy because, I mean, Utah definitely exists. But even, like, in Pennsylvania, there's, I'm an open swinger. Whoa. I mean, I've definitely seen that when I've been on there before. Cool. Yeah. Or they're, like, I'm in an open relationship or polyamorous. That's just wild. Yeah. I think it's a fair assumption, especially, you know, and if that is your situation, maybe mention that before you even meet up. Because I do know somebody that went out on a date and the person told them on the first date that they were in an open relationship and. Yeah, that's a no for me, though. They were. The friend that was on that date was pissed off. Yeah. Like, why didn't you tell me this before we met up? Mm-hmm. Yeah. But again, just be intentional. Ask the questions. Sometimes you need a friend that is a super detective. And back then, I don't know, I didn't really have friends that were, like, that deep. But now, like, Brandi, you're kind of a FBI agent, super detective. If I gave you a guy's name, you could probably look him up and find all the information. I could look up, like, certain things that are publicly available, like, related to criminal justice stuff just because I know how to do that. Yeah. But if that does become a situation, I do have a friend that I can... You have a friend and a friend. I have a friend that is an FBI agent, for real, for real. Yeah, she would be on dating websites and send me, like, pictures. And then, like, five minutes later, she knows his address. How much I'll hurt him. Like, girl. See, build up your tribe before you go on these dates. Like, hey, can you check this guy out? Does he have a criminal record? Yeah, I... But for real, that is actually good advice, though. Do your research before you go on any dates. Even though, yeah, you shouldn't. No, like, I want to know who I'm going out with at least. Get an idea. Yeah, this is a story that I told Taylor when we, like, first met up was she asked me how the dating situation was here. I was like, fucking sucks. It's not great. And she was like, yeah, I see her, but, you know, with the dating apps, it's like... And then I did this thing where, like, I didn't look into any...somebody, like, at all. Because I was like, I want to get to know them on the date or when we're hanging out. Like, I don't need to know everything about you before I meet up with you. And then after a couple weeks, I figured out that that person knew somebody that I, like, kind of dated. And then that was awkward because they were friends. And then when I finally went and started, like, creeping on social media, I was like, oh, fuck, there's a picture of them together. Taylor lost it. Best buds. Oh, shit. What are the chances? And then I was like, actually, like, not terrible. It's not a huge deal. See, what is that movie? Shoot. Oh, John Tucker Must Die. Oh, yeah. Love that movie. See, you did it wrong. You dated two guys that were friends. I go for different pools so they don't know each other. It's because I didn't do the social media creep. I would have known if I'd done that. I didn't do it. See, I mean, not like I creep too hard. I just want to know if you're a good, healthy human being. If I go on your Instagram, right, and I don't know who you are, and you're up there holding AK-47s, whatever, I'm a banning ship right now. Like, nope, delete message. Nope, sorry, my guy, I'm done. You done. That's a huge red flag. Can't do that. So we're doing this thing that says, like, don't do it. Like, we're messaging too much. Like, we're talking too much right now. But getting control of the messaging process and, like, have a cutoff point. You know, like, if you're not going to meet up, if it's not happening, if you've been talking for a while and not going anywhere, bless and release. So we're down to the final one, which is mistake number six, and that is believing a dating app is the answer. So the article reads, around 40% of American couples now meet their partners on a dating app, but that doesn't mean that should be their only tool. Being single and dating can be emotionally taxing, so we mentioned that earlier about it just takes energy, it takes effort, it takes planning to get yourself ready to go on these dates. So most seek validation that dating apps make what they want possible. As a result, many of us have become dating app dependent. So, I mean, why do we use dating apps? Well, because it's just at our fingertips, right? It's easy to, like, go ahead and get on it and swipe left, swipe right and match with people and instantly connect with somebody that's within proximity. But, yeah, I mean, I find it better almost than dating apps whenever I meet people in the wild. Because at least, like, when you're meeting people in the wild, you instantly, I love using that, you meet people in the wild. When you're meeting people out and about, you build a natural common ground. Oh, I met this guy at the gym. Okay, if we're both meeting at the gym, we both value, like, health and working out and overall fitness or whatever. Or maybe it's, like, a restaurant, a bar. Okay, we both value going out and being social and meeting up with friends. Or, hey, I met this guy at, I don't know, like a sporting event. So, okay, if you're there watching sports, I'm there watching sports. Like, chances are we both like the same team or we just like being around that atmosphere. So, again, too, like, yeah, dating apps are great, but they don't have to be your end all, be all. Sometimes, like, you'll meet people and have better connections with people outside of the dating app. So, again, just it's also good to be out and about with your friends and get out there and explore your world and your community and just meet people authentically that way. And, too, like, whenever you go on date with these dating apps, there's always that, like, natural buildup of, okay, now it feels like an interview. Like, okay, I'm going on this date with this guy, met on that, now we just got to fire back questions left and right. If you meet a guy, say, at a bar or, I don't know, at a garage sale or farmer's market, I'm just trying to think of all the different things you can run into people, right? So, if you run into somebody like that, your partner, not even a partner, just somebody, right, it doesn't have to have that buildup of, okay, we bump in, we have this conversation now. It doesn't have to lead to more, I guess. Yeah, like, the sole reason that you're talking to that person is not because you're there to talk to that person. Right. Yeah. Absolutely. Which is nice, because then you'd be like, do you like hot dogs? Like a baseball game. Yeah. When I lived in Tampa, Florida, I used to go to the beach every day, if not every other day, and I would play with random people at the beach all the time. We played volleyball, and it was so much fun, because I naturally just met friends that way. It was a great way for me to just naturally meet guys, and then from there, like, hey, do you want to, like, grab a quick bite to eat? Like, we're already here, let's go. So, it wasn't any pressure to be any more than what it was. Yeah. Not as manufactured of a, yeah. So, essentially, like, dating apps, yeah, they can lead to relationships, but don't think that's your only opportunity of meeting a potential partner. It's just a tool. It's not meant to be the solution. And any more final thoughts, Brandy? Some of the mistakes that, like, we just generally talk about, like, things in our area, really has a lot to do with, like, the content of people's dating profiles, like the pictures that they have, or what they write in their bio. So, one of the things that drives both of us nuts, and is very common in this area, is for guys to have pictures with fish. I don't know why you need to throw up your prize trout. I really don't care. But, like, why do you have six fish pictures? Or taking a picture at the oddest angles, completely unflattering, or, like, laying in the bed. Like, we're adults. Like, you're not a 16-year-old. Like, don't put a picture of you with, like, your hand behind your head, flexing your bicep on your fucking profile. Like, that's gross. Like, don't do that. One thing that makes me cringe, if you're... So, I'm going to just point out to the dads, or just the men in general. If you are a dad, and you have a picture of your kids on your dating profile, like, that's fine. Whatever. Like, that's your pride and joys, and awesome. Great. You're showing me that you have kids. That's awesome. I'd rather be up in front and knowing what I'm getting into at the job. But these guys that post them, like, themselves holding up, like, their niece and nephew, and they put, like, a little prompt underneath the picture, not my son, not my little...my daughter. It's my niece, nephew, cousin, baby, whatever. Like, I... Bro, like, stop. Like, there's a little section in your profile that almost every app has that says, do you want kids or not? You could easily put, like, you want kids, and then that's fine. Or you don't want kids, whatever. But you don't need to, like, I don't know, promote that you could be this father figure by holding these kids. Just... Because to me, it's just... It's cringy. Like, don't put somebody else's kids on your dating profile. Like, hey, look, I know how to hold a baby. Yeah, it's weird. Like, show me things about you. Like, show me that, I don't know, that you work out or activities that you do. Just, I don't know, if anything, like, go find a good friend of yours, go take some pictures of yourself out and about, and then put them on. In the wild. In the wild, yes. I hate when people have pictures with, like, other people's dogs. The dogs bother you? When they have pictures with other people's dogs. Oh, I've seen too many of that. It's not even your dog. Like, you're trying to pick chicks up with other people's pets? Don't do that. Now, I said this in a previous episode. I'm very petty when it comes to dog pictures. Like, if I'm going to hang out with you, she said I'm going to hang out with your dog, and if your dog is ugly and a little rat nog, I'm not going to swipe on you. I'm sorry. I'm trying to picture myself sitting in your house with you, watching sports, probably, or a movie, whatever, and I've got to curl up with a little rat nog. Like, I can't. I can't. So, sorry. If you're going to put a dog picture up, make sure it's your dog, and make sure the dog is cute. Otherwise, no. I don't know if we've talked about this on here, but it still makes me laugh. When you went hiking for that one date, and then there was an animal in a backpack? Oh, the cat? Yeah, the guy had a cat, and he showed me his backpack that he uses for the cat, and it has a big old bubble in it so the cat can look out. Wild. Oh, my God. Actually, he didn't bring the cat with us on the hike, did he? Oh, I thought he did. No, but he had the backpack in case the cat wanted to come with us. Yeah, like, not a cat person, but if I was, like, that'd be cute. A whole cat backpack with something. I was like, oh, okay. One of my things. Like, cat dads left. I think left immediately. I'm allergic to cats. It's not going to work out. Yeah, cats. I don't know. I'm not really a cat person, but. Go hiking with me and my cat. It is something. Maybe another thing, too. When all of your pictures are you in a backwards hat or you in a hat. Not smiling. Yeah. Yeah. Please smile. Just show me that you can. I mean, some hat pictures are fine, whatever. If that's you in your natural habitat, sure. But I also, like, I don't know. I would appreciate other pictures of you, maybe, without a hat. We talked to Dom a couple weeks back, and he mentioned about he would put a picture of himself in a suit to show that he can dress up for the occasion. Like, I like pictures like that because I go to functions and banquets and things like that. So, yeah, like, if I am going to invite you to a friend's wedding or something, like, I'm not bringing some backyard woods boy that only wears jeans. Like, no, sorry. I need to be able to take you wherever I need to take you. Yeah. Yeah, one other thing with, like, pictures is all group pictures. Like, I don't, you don't want to have to, like, investigate to figure out which one is the one that you're talking to or potentially swiping on. Right. Right. When I see a guy just posting all group pictures, I start to try to figure out who the guy is. And nine times out of ten, it's usually the guy that's the ugliest. Sad to say, but it's like, well, if you don't want to put yourself out there like that, just maybe put one or two pictures of you and the boys out there. And then, like, I want to see pictures of you because that's who I'm going to hang out with. I'm hanging out with you. I'm hanging out with you and your buds all the time. Here and there is cool, but, yeah. It doesn't mean no friend pictures. But, like, it needs to be clear who you are. Who you are. It's all your dudes and you're actually the dude in, like, the back right corner. Yeah. Yeah. Like, with half of your face in the picture. Yeah. There's me. There's me. Just with this, like, laughing. Hilarious. And I don't know. It was a long time ago, but there was a profile with so many crotch shots and this guy just talking about how big his wiener was. What? Yeah, it was really gross, so I took screenshots and just laughed about it. I'll have to find them and show them to you. Best part was he was, like, posing in, like, gray sweatpants, which everybody knows about gray sweatpants. But then also posing, like, grabbing his junk in anime shorts and... Oh, God. Gross. Yeah. Yeah. No, like, why? Why? What woman is swiping right to that and, like... Somebody had to be. Be like, can you show me that sign? We got to be better. We got to be better. We got to be better. Both men and women, we got to be better. Like, we can't entertain stupid messages, stupid pictures like that, because that's what's just going to prompt more of these stupid responses. Mommy. No, I'm not responding to that. I'm not your mother. No way. That's gross. Or the one comment that one guy made to you, like, sit on my face. No. Can you imagine if you had a relationship with that guy and then somebody asked you, how did you meet? Well, I asked her to sit on my face. Really? You want that to be, like, the opening line? It was so romantic. I told her, you look like you want to sit on my face, and she was like, yeah. And then she did. And then she did. The end. So dumb. Can't get over it. Well, guys, I think that is a closing for this episode. Hopefully we enlightened you on the six dating app mistakes you're probably making and how to stop them and just other fun stories that we shared along the way. So join us next week for our next episode on Wednesday. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.
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