1996-07_03 Vipassana Retreat, Part 3 of 8 - Q&A 3

Talk: 19960703-Larry_Rosenberg-UNK-vipassana_retreat_part_3_of_8-43307 Start_time: 00:53:31 Display_question: What do I do when feeling antsy during meditation? Keyword_search: antsy, nastiness, agitated, meditation, leave, visualize, yelling, screaming, confused, instruction, approach, good, state, consciousness, heart, practice, art, disappointment, bad, calm, discomfort, metta, lovingkindness Question_content: Questioner: I found myself getting, um, very very antsy and agitated towards the end of the meditation and, um, I gave myself permission to get up and leave. Larry: Mhm. Questioner: And when I did that, it became easier to stay with it. And then I started to visualize what antsy and agitated looks like… Larry: Mhm. Questioner: And I started screaming and yelling and waving my arms around and that seemed confused… Larry: Yeah. Did you miss the first day's instruction? Questioner: Yes I did. Larry: Right, because it sounds, it's a different approach. It has its value as well, but we're putting more of an emphasis on the direct attention to what's happening, rather than creating alternative uses of the mind, which are helpful. It's not that it's wrong, it's just not what we're doing. But go ahead, please continue. Questioner: Well, it worked. Larry: When you say it worked, what do you mean? Questioner: You could use that feeling of being antsy and wanting to leave… Larry: Yeah. See, here's what you need to know. It's all right because it's a reminder to all of us. I would say this tendency is hard to shake. It's for years meditators have it, even people who do lots of retreats. Our mind is really concerned with getting good states of consciousness, with getting good experiences, good sittings, getting rid of the bad ones. Calm is one important one, and there are others as well. But that's not really the heart of the practice. The heart of the practice is it's not so much getting a particular state as being able to be with a state that's there. See, that's the art. Break_line: So you're not going to learn that art. If you don't learn how to be with your discomfort, your disappointment, your blah blah, all of it. There's an endless meditative technology that can counteract what's happening, visualizations and so forth. And I'm not saying they're wrong and there's a time to use them; even here we use them. For example, some people have a tremendous amount of aggression and anger, and the instructions here eventually would be, “Can you observe that anger or that aggression?” People can't. It's just too much. Break_line: So we bring in something called metta, lovingkindness meditation, which softens the heart. Now, that does not lead to enlightenment. No, it helps, dramatically, because if you're that angry there's a limit to what you can do with all of this. And there are other meditations as well that can be brought in to help out. Break_line: But we only have four or five days. And if I can leave you with one thing, it would be the tremendous importance and help of being able to look life in the eye as it is. So, you wouldn't be learning that if you keep doing what you're doing. Granted, you got rid of the antsiness, so it's one way. But what I would suggest is you observe what you're calling antsiness. Learn how to relate to it in a somewhat different way. Yeah. Please. End_time: 00:56:46