Soaring Over Stress, Episode Two ~ The Value of Community

In this episode of "Soaring Over Stress," the host, Amy Rae, discusses the importance of community. She shares her personal experience of finding support and understanding from others after feeling isolated and unsupported by her family and faith community during her struggle with depression and anxiety. Amy emphasizes the power of empathy and compassion, and encourages listeners to seek out supportive communities and connections, whether it be through hobbies, support groups, advocacy or volunteer groups, or even online platforms. She emphasizes that we don't have to face our challenges alone and that finding support can make a significant difference in our lives. Hello, hello, welcome back to Soaring Over Stress, an SOS for navigating stress and anxiety in the workplace and beyond. I'm your host, Amy Rae, and today we're going to talk about the importance of community. So last week, I had the great honor and privilege of having Bert Baring with me, who mentioned he's a member of the New Jersey Broadcasters Association Hall of Fame, as well as the host and producer of the Be Inspired podcast, not to mention he's the morning show host of WRNJ. I feel so honored and privileged that he decided to open his heart, mind, and schedule to help me. Now the story of how I met Bert is an interesting one, and it ties right into today's episode. So a few months back, I was trying to figure out a way to honestly work in some sort of capacity that didn't require as much physical exertion as a regular 9-to-5 job would. I am still in a really bad situation, to be honest. I've had Lyme disease for over a year now, with chronic health conditions. They also believe now I have something called cataplexy, which is kind of like a form of narcolepsy. In any event, I'm in a financial crisis once again, where I have been living for quite some time. Anyway, so I've always wanted to use my voice in some sort of capacity, whether that's audiobooks, which I tried, and I could not figure out how to do that. And I was like, you know what, I would love to do something in capacity with radio. So I decided to get brave, and I drove myself down to the radio station, which is not too, too far from me. I knocked on the door, and Bert answered the door and said, well, hello there. And I said, well, hello there yourself. I would love to come and work here. He just smiled and he said, well, tell you what, how about you come one day, and I'll kind of give you a tour of how it goes down and what I do. So a few weeks later, I went back, and he showed me all of the different things that he did. And I mean, obviously, it's radio, so it's timed to the second, and there's no editing because it's a live show. So I was damn near impressed. In between the times that he would be playing the songs or speaking, advertising, whatever it might be, we would chat for a minute or two. And I told him how I had a speaking engagement at the end of May with a place called Life Center Stage. I showed him the flyer, and he was intrigued, and he said, you know what, why don't you come back one day, and we'll do an on-air interview. And I was like, absolutely. So very excited for that. So a few weeks later, I went back for the interview, and that went well. And in between those moments and questions, I was telling him how I was hoping to start a podcast, trying to figure out how to push my business forward with public speaking and to really get the message out there. And he said, I can help you with that. I have equipment. He obviously has know-how. So then a few weeks after that, Bert's at my house, and he's helping me do the recordings. And I couldn't be more thankful. You know, he went out of his way to help me. He welcomed me with open arms, and he didn't have to. Before that day, when I knocked on the radio station door, he knew nothing of me. He still really doesn't. But he saw something in me, I guess. He took a chance on believing in me. He doesn't even know the depth to which his seemingly small act created a ripple effect in my heart and my soul and my psyche. That, my friends, is the power of empathy, and it's what compassion coupled with action can do. It can facilitate change, create hope, and can even save a life. But it hasn't always been that way for me. There have been plenty of times in the past where not everyone was for me. In fact, those that were closest to me not only didn't know how to support me but flat out shunned me. From family to friends to my faith community and beyond, I was told by my former significant other that I'd never become a speaker. He told me I wasn't special enough. I didn't have what it takes. During some of the times when I needed him the most, he wasn't able to support me. And sometimes loved ones don't know what to do with depression, anxiety, PTSD, trauma, and more. They look at you as if you're a freak or worse, a burden. It's bad enough we already feel that way about ourselves, but sometimes the outside world would rather agree with us than uplift and support us in our time of deepest need. Being depressed is hard. It can sometimes feel like living in darkness 24-7. I remember a time that I was at a family gathering. My brothers and sister, as well as their significant others, and my mom and stepfather were all there. I was no longer my bubbly self. Depression had come to visit a few months prior, and it decided it would move in permanently with no intended departure date. Blackness couldn't define the nothingness and hopelessness that followed me from morning till night. And although my family knew that I had started therapy a few months prior, none of them asked how I was doing. The truth is, it's because none of them cared. Not only did I live, not only did life happen around me, but they continued to live theirs as if mine wasn't falling apart. I remember being at the family gathering, and it was just talk, talk, talk, chat, chat, but not a word was spoken to me. Maybe I had become as invisible as they were treating me. They all left the kitchen and went to the living room and left me there. And my thoughts spiraled, and I began googling how to end my misery with the least amount of resistance. I just sat in that empty kitchen, cooking up how to make my life expire. The ache and misery of depression is like nothing I've experienced before or since. It has a way of boxing up all potential purpose and positive outlooks in a person's life. I didn't necessarily want to die, but I absolutely wanted the pain to stop. I'm wondering if any of you listening today have been there yourself, if you've ever been in a black hole where any sliver of light is swallowed whole before it ever has a chance to enter. If you've gone through this, I see you. You matter, and your pain counts. So I fought through that day, just like so many other days since, and I found enough strength to go join my family in the living room, where I would continue to be invisible just in a new location. The next day I reached out to my sister-in-law and explained to her how lost, empty, and alone I felt. She was annoyed I was seeking support. She said, if you were depressed, you should have announced it. But I knew she already knew. She just wanted to place the blame on me. If you're depressed, she said, then maybe you should just pray about it. The typical response from the faith community I no longer want to be a part of. I was the bad one for needing support. I was the bad one for reaching out. I continued to live in an island surrounded by, quote, family, friends, and faith. It wasn't until about three and a half years later that I found a group called Break the Silence, where they speak about past trauma, and here I had the opportunity to find my tribe. All of a sudden, I was in a room full of other people who also understood my darkness. It was as if goth of the soul had formed a committee and invited me to be a member, and in that moment, I found what I'd been looking for. I had found my people, and my podcast title is Soaring Over Stress, and it's a nod to my speaking business, Eagle Exercises. My speeches follow the life cycle of an eagle and use each developmental stage as a metaphor in which we can use different healing modalities in order to deal with heavy emotions that often follow anxiety, depression, trauma, and more. Eagles are fascinating birds of prey. They tend to nest in inaccessible places. They do everything to protect themselves when they're young. They tend to fly alone at higher altitudes, staying away from more narrow-minded flight patterns. They have vision and tenacity. They never eat dead things. They don't take in trash. They prepare for training. They are outgoing, confident, and innovative. They are the perfect bird to represent how to overcome stress and anxiety in our lives, or rather, how to navigate it. You see, in the winter, eagles often gather in communal roosts where they perch overnight and sometimes during the day if the weather's bad. Communal roosts are usually in large trees that are relatively sheltered from the wind. Eagles know how to shelter one another. We should do the same. Who wants to be trying to navigate harsh winds without the resources of respite and rest? We need each other, folks. If you're currently in an environment where you aren't finding support, please look elsewhere. For me, church didn't do it. Family didn't do it. I found my place amongst the misfits, the poets, and the quote-unquote nature freaks. That is where I found home. I'm sure you guys have all heard the saying, blood is thicker than water. It often refers to the ideology that family is more or most important than anything or anyone else. But it only takes full saying to realize the quote is actually saying the opposite. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb, meaning that those we choose to be in our lives are way more important than the people we're born into. Family isn't always blood, it's the people in your life who want you in theirs. The ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile and support you no matter what. If your family doesn't support you, find family elsewhere. There are so many options these days. You could spend some time finding others who align with your hobbies or interests. For me, it was open mic nights, which were often free. Maybe you could find a book club at your local library. Perhaps you're into fitness or sports. There's a site called Match Up that also, I'm sorry, that links you with other people and events in your area that have similar interests. You could also be in a support group or join an advocacy or volunteer group. And then you have all the social media platforms as well. Some of my best friends I have never met in person, like my friend Leanne, who's from Australia. Two of my Saras, I have so many Saras, one's from Canada, one's from Montana. And one of my besties, Jill, is from New Mexico. I know 100%, but these people and so many others have literally saved my life over and over again just by offering me community and support when I need it the most. We are meant to be there for one another, my friends. We don't have to go it alone. Just as eagles shelter one another through harsh seasons and storms, we as humans should do the same. I don't want anyone to feel the pain of despair that I have. But if you have to be in despair, my God, the least we could do is to be there for one another. Connect with someone, anyone. And if you can't connect, keep trying. The world is an awfully big place. Might as well find some comfort and support in it. Thank you everyone for tuning in again today. Remember, I see you, you matter, and your story counts. Until next time, have a great day, and know that you aren't alone.