23rd April Full Show - Tortoise in the Attic

A radio host had a sleepless night due to someone setting off fireworks every 20 minutes. Two drunk vultures were found rolling around after eating fermented fruit from a dumpster. The hangover cure for the birds was water and a big breakfast. A woman was chased by police after stealing geese from a park. The geese defecated all over her car. A fireplace exploded due to a hand grenade that had been stuck in a tree and ended up in the firewood. It's breakfast on 92.7 ZOOC. Safe to say, today's show is going to be very loose, because I've had about three hours of solid sleep, because somebody in South Dubbo last night was deciding to set off fireworks, but the thing being is, they didn't just set them all off at once, like a grand fireworks display. No, they decided that they would set a singular firework off every 20 minutes. One firework every 20 minutes. So, every 20 minutes, I woke up and then had to fall back asleep again. I've had approximately three hours of solid, straight sleep. It's like an episode of The Walking Dead in the studio. It's brilliant. Coming up in just a second, I'm going to tell you how it's been revealed by two birds, actual birds, not a euphemism, talking about people themselves. Two birds have revealed the best hangover cure known to living species in general. How they're related? I don't know myself, but I'll tell you in a couple of minutes. Sure, if I could turn back time on you home at Dubbo's, best music from the 80s to now, it's Keegan with you for your Tuesday morning. Good morning. Bruno Mars, 25.6, UFM Breakfast. Keegan with you for your Tuesday morning. Top of 25 degrees today in Gilgandra, currently 11.5. Going to be sunny. Two vultures. They've possibly revealed the definitive answer to a bad weekend hangover, or at least how to freshen up after maybe a long lunch or something like that. If you have a couple of drinks, two birds have the solution for you. That does sound like a terrible sort of comparison to something else. We're talking about two actual animals, two winged birds here. An animal rescue group in the States stumbled across a pair of incredibly disorientated birds rolling about in some bushland, like actually rolling back and forth. They're meant to be flying, not rolling along the ground. Thinking that they were seriously ill, the vultures, they were rushed to a vet to try and save their lives, thinking that, well, this obviously is the end, they're not meant to be rolling around. Turns out the pair of birds were simply too drunk, too drunk to fly. Just absolutely wasted on the ground. It seemed that they'd been sort of dumpster diving. I don't know if you know if birds can do that, but that's the human term for it. Flying into a dumpster, harvesting around in some of the desecrated items in there, and they'd eaten apparently a bit of fruit that was so old, so old and so aged, that it had actually begun fermenting in the bin. That's when you know it's a bit aged. That's when you probably shouldn't touch it, when it's deciding to become cider in the dumpster. This caused the birds serious intoxication, probably similar to some people after a Friday afternoon schooner. So the birds were rolling around completely drunk out of their mind. Out of all of this, it was revealed that the golden cure for intoxication and the resulting hangover is water and a big breakfast, which was supplied for the birds, a big breakfast. They cracked out all the sausages, the bacon, the toast, the eggs, maybe a bit of salmon on the side, poached or fried eggs. Now that's the question of the morning. Forget the fact that it was two birds that were drunk. I want to know what type of eggs you'd like in the morning. So obviously I think the only thing we can take out of this, unless you yourself are a vulture, which you have other things to learn from this story, as a human, next time you write yourself off, just have a sip of Mount Franklin and about eight sausages. Apparently you'll be right as rain, especially if you have wings. Then it's a whole other story. See ya. I drew a lead by 20 minutes to 7. Let's do a fan breakfast. Tuesday morning. Kegan with you. Top of 25 degrees today in Dunedoo. Currently 8. Meant to be sunny all the way through today and the rest of the week. Just reading here, that bloke who did the first delivery of the message that the Queen had died on the BBC over in the UK, I think his name was Hugh Edwards. It was the bloke with the grey hair who came on and said, we regret to inform you, the palace has released a message that the Queen has died. Obviously those are not exactly the words that were said. I can't remember the script. Thing is, I've just read he's resigned. He's resigned from the BBC due to ongoing allegations that he paid a young person for sexually explicit images. What in the world is going on there? Right, okay, well he did make, he made headlines with his professional delivery of the notice of the Queen's death and now this. There is no presumption of the age of the young person, so I'm not sure what's going on with that and I probably will not look any further into it. But strange, strange. He hasn't been on air on the BBC since last July. July last year. I don't know, how long ago was it that the Queen died? I can't remember. But interesting turn of events there. What else to say about it? Not much other than interesting how times change. Coming up next, someone's stolen some geese. The important things you need to know this morning. You're on ZOO's Breakfast. Paul Russell, 10 minutes to 7, it's ZOOFM Breakfast. Keeping with you for your Tuesday morning on your home at Dubbo's. Best music from the 80s to now. Top of 25 degrees today in Trangie. Currently 11. Going to be sunny today, sunny tomorrow and sunny right through the rest of the week, thankfully. The definition of a wild goose chase has been changed overnight. A multi-day police pursuit by police overseas. It ended overnight. Multi-day. Took about three days for them to catch up with the goose chase. Authorities were hunting down a woman on the run after she was spotted stealing up to six geese from a public park. Crimes against humanity here. Before fleeing in her car. There's photos online of her fleeing the scene with the geese that's trapped underneath her arms. It looks like a shoplifter. The panicked run for the front door of the shopping centre when all the stuff that they've stuffed under their jackets starts falling out. The geese are just freaking out. I've got to probably premise this. The geese were not harmed. The geese were not harmed in this situation. She was chased. She hopped in the car, took off. Car full of geese. Chased across multiple state lines with witnesses keeping the police hot on her tail because they kept reporting multiple times of the sight of a woman with unusual passengers in distress in the back seat of her car. Unusual passengers. Yes, it was a family of geese. When she was caught, the six wild geese had defecated all over the back seats of her car on the doors and some even on the radio in the centre console. Everywhere. Absolutely everywhere. I mean, for it to end up on the radio. You don't even have to have six geese in the car, I'd imagine. You probably just have to listen to this show and you'll end up with the same outcome. Oh, fascinating. See, this is what we have Dr William Manure on. I'm pretty sure we'll have him on tomorrow for your animal headlines. I've stolen this one. This would have been his top story, the front liner. A woman chased with six geese in the car. Yeah, Cruise Dynamite. On your home of your top branded animal stories. It's Zoo FM. Geoghegan with you. Hi, Geoghegan. That's joy. 20 minutes past seven. It's Zoo FM. Breakfast for you Tuesday morning. A little bit of traffic. About 15 minutes out of Dubbo on the Golden Highway, heading north-east. Not sure why there's a bit of traffic there. It's slowing down slightly. Top of 25 degrees today in Gilgandra. 11.5 at the moment. Going to be sunny today and right through the week. I've covered a few stories on here before with you about people finding unexpected grenades or bombs from the previous two World Wars normally in their backyard. And they're normally a story full of a lot of surprises, a bit of history as well wrapped into it, and a situation that probably nobody wants to be involved in. As we head into winter, I've got one here that takes the cake. And it may make you worried about turning on the fireplace. Or maybe this one takes the fireplace. No, sorry, that was not a pun. Police have released a statement after a woman's fireplace exploded due to a suspected hand grenade. No, someone did not bomb the fireplace. She was just using the fireplace normally. She herself did not chuck the grenade in there out of fun. She thought, oh, this fireplace is getting quite boring. I've had it for years. Let me spice it up. I'll just chuck a hand grenade in there and we'll see what happens. The grenade was supposedly thrown during World War II. It didn't explode. And it ended up landing in like the fork of a tree, landed in the fork of a tree, which then over time the tree grew around the grenade, grew around it and sort of encapsulated the grenade. The tree was then chopped down many, many years later and turned into firewood, as you do, which then ended up in this lady's fireplace and exploded because there was a grenade inside of it. This isn't made, I swear to you, this is a true story. Someone has actually blown up their fireplace with a tree grenade, environmental bomb, if you want to put it that way. The chain of events required for that to happen is remarkable. And it's safe to say we have to ban all trees now. They've obviously become radicalised. We have to get rid of them. In excess this time, 25 past seven. It's Keegan with you. Cheers to your company. 20 to 8, Lenny Kravitz, this is UFM Breakfast, your home of Dubbo's best music from the 80s to now. Top of 25 degrees today in Gilgandra, currently 12. Sunny today, sunny for the rest of the week. It's always an underwhelming event when, you know, any political or crime television show, I'm sure you've seen the scenes where an unknown white powder substance shows up at the office or the government building and the whole building gets shut down and they spend about 30 minutes of the, pretty much 90% of the whole episode, investigating what essentially looks like just someone's cake mix inside of an envelope. It normally turns out to be flour anyway and it pretty much throws the whole episode away. It's a pointless watch. Well, over in Canada, it appears the situation's actually come true, just without the flour. A suspicious package was detected arriving at a Toronto government building and it was a sort of greyish-brownish in the powder inside and it was just, it was very powderish texture. Suspecting the worst, of course, the entire building was evacuated. They sealed it off, yada, yada, yada. Hazmat teams came, rushed into town, full speed, lights and sirens from across the city to control the situation. Everyone panicking, could we be, we're probably dying. It was gravy. It was two-minute microwavable gravy powder in an envelope. The stuff you add hot water to and just stick in the microwave. Look, when How To Make Gravy, the song, was released, I didn't realise it'd inspire an act of political terrorism. Or at least in this case, it inspired the best additive to a batch of mashed potato. I mean, some things you stick in the microwave and it takes two minutes to make, they're a bit questionable, but two-minute microwavable gravy on top of some mashed potato. Now, that is, that is just something else. Check out Zoo FM on Facebook for more. 12 to 8, James Blunt, Zoo FM Breakfast. Keeping with you for your Tuesday morning, top of 25 today in Narrowmine, currently 12, going to be sunny. Now, I'm sure after the, I don't know, last week and a bit, you've heard of us giving away these annual passes for Uncle Western Plains Zoo. We've been giving away a lot of them, and we really do appreciate it, from the Western Plains Zoo here in Dubbo. They gave us a lot of passes, and it was our final one yesterday. We did practically a free, a radio free-for-all. People were ringing in from everywhere and simply breathing down the handset in order to get the chance to win the prize. And I did say, I did say on the show yesterday, I will draw it randomly after the show. I did forget, I did forget to do that. So I figured, well, this morning, instead of just doing it outside of the show, we could do it live. We could do it live. We could ring the winner that has been randomly selected, give them a ring, see if they answer, and speak to them on the air and see what happens. So if you've missed out, if you will miss out, I mean, if you've gotten the chance yesterday, pick up your phone, hold the phone in your hand, get ready to press the answer button. But if you miss out, head to www.torongadoroog.au, head to the Dubbo section. You can book tickets. It's brilliant for the school holidays and the new Pride Lands Patrol Tour. You can check that out. You actually drive into the lion enclosure. You're behind bulletproof glass, so there's no need to be worried. It is quite incredible. Let's try and give the lucky winner this morning a ring live and see if they answer. Is this Bobby? Yeah, mate, yeah, it's me. Hey, mate, it's Keegan from Zoo FM. How are you? Yeah, good, thanks, mate. How are you? All right. You know how you called about that zoo friend's annual pass to the Toronto Western Plains Zoo? Yeah. It's yours, mate. That's right, mate. That'll come in real handy. Are you going to take the family to the zoo? Absolutely. Yep. You can also get, I'm pretty sure, free access for 365 days to the zoo in Sydney. Is that going to inspire you to go on an immediate trip down to the big city? I think so, mate. It's on the cards now. If there was one thing at the zoo here in Dubbo that you're looking forward to seeing, what would it be? I don't mind seeing the siamangs. I reckon they're pretty cool. The what? The siamangs. You know, the monkeys or whatever they are? Make all that noise. As far as I'm aware, monkeys are just monkeys. Never heard of the name before, but, yes, that does actually sound quite interesting. That's brilliant, mate. Well, congratulations. Thanks very much for that. And I appreciate you moving the dirt. Someone's got to do it. It's not exciting, but someone's got to do it. Just hold the line and grab your details. Gwen Stefani, quarter past eight, Zoo FM Breakfast. You're home to Dubbo's best music from the 80s to now. To kick them with you, there's a reading here that Gordon Ramsay's pub, which is worth $25.1 million, that's a very expensive pub, has been taken over by a gang of squatters. They've gone into the pub, they've changed the locks, they've set up shop, and they're threatening legal action against anyone who tries to evict them from the pub. I can only imagine what Gordon Ramsay has to say about that. You get this minute-and-a-half string of just explicit language and never see the squatters again. They'd actually just vaporise in thin air, just completely turn to dust before your very eyes. Fascinating. I have no idea how squatters' rights work, but it does seem like you just wander into someone's house and then suddenly claim it's yours. Anyway, besides that, you can join in on the trivia night at Narrowmine Bowling Club on Tuesday next week from 7pm. What a segue that was. All funds raised will go to the Narrowmine 25 Club, proudly supporting the Narrowmine Cancer Support Group. The cost is $10 per person, and you can call the bowling club to book a table on 6889 1164. That's 6889 1164. Dinner will also be available for a gold coin donation. Coming up in a sec, we're going to have a chat about a 30-year-old tortoise that's been found in someone's house, probably in a place where it shouldn't be. We'll hear it now. You're on Zoo Breakfast. DJ Snake and Justin Bieber, 25 past 8, Zoo FM Breakfast, slowing down a bit on Trangie Road at the moment in Narrowmine, right out the front of the Peppercorn Motor Inn. Top of 25 degrees today in Narrowmine, currently about 14.5, going to be a sunny day, and right through the week across the region, there's always horrible stories of family pets, you know, suddenly going missing, never to return. The same happened to a family in the UK who for years upon years had a family tortoise who would waddle across... Do tortoises waddle? I don't know. They're like penguins. Tortoises lay eggs, I think, so technically they are penguins in some regard. What a strange way to link the two. But anyway, the tortoise would waddle across the house until 1992, which is when it just disappeared. It straight-up vanished from existence. The story of its disappearance, it lived on through the children of the family, always disappointed they didn't get to see the tortoise live a full life and grow up with them and grow old and they can all waddle together around the house. And that was until they actually did. When clearing out the attic of their parents' house in preparation of a sale, the tortoise was discovered. It was discovered 30 years later, still alive, three decades it had survived, in an attic, eating termites to survive. Termites. Just sitting there for 30 years, chilling out in the attic. They were absolutely thrilled, obviously. You know, their pet tortoise, it was just chilling out in the attic the entire time. However, I can imagine the pet tortoise had a few stern words to exchange after being trapped in what was essentially a dark prison of discarded furniture for 30 years, eating termites. I can't even imagine the scenes it created. I mean, it's going to be living there for 30 years. If I was the tortoise, I would have actually decided to run away at the point that I was found, in absolute disgust. How could you... It's a tortoise, it's not a turtle. Tortoise is huge. It's a proper unit. And it was just sitting there on the roof for years. They were going to bed at night, most likely, and you'd just hear this scratching, scratching on the ceiling. They probably thought they were going a bit, you know, loopy. No, it turns out it was the tortoise in the ceiling. A phrase I thought I'd never say. Spanning at the disco, high hopes. It's where I found breakfast, being Tuesday morning. Getting with you on your home of Dubbo's best music from the 80s to now. Cheers to your company. Three doors down, 20 minutes to nine. Haven't played them in ages. Zoo FM Breakfast, top of 25 in Wellington today. Currently 16, going to be sunny. A dog's got its head stuck in a chair. In breaking news, bringing it to you this morning, a two-year-old husky in Queanbeyan, down near Canberra, had to have the fire brigade called because, you know those circular chairs that are... The actual structure of them, which you sit on, is made out of just strings. So all the strings come out of the rim of the chair and go into the centre. And it makes this sort of, I don't know, string-based seat that you sit on and it holds you up. He's managed to slip his head through the centre of it because all these strings, they then attach to a smaller circle in the middle, which is kind of the centre of the part you sit on. Here I am explaining the dynamics of furniture. Anyway, he managed to slip his head through the little circle opening in the middle of the chair. And then he goes, Oh, dear. Oh, dear. My head is not going to come out again. So the owners, at about 9.30 at night, had to call on a squadron of firefighters to breach the house and use hydraulic equipment to rescue the dog from the chair. Now, that is certainly an operation. There's video footage of it. The dog doesn't care. The dog was released. The dog is unfazed. I'm pretty sure the dog was maybe enjoying himself briefly towards the end of it when he knew he would be released. He was actually using the chair for a purpose never heard of before. It's fascinating footage. You can go to the Fire and Rescue NSW page to have a look at it. Safe to say, I didn't think you needed to dog-proof your furniture. Maybe certain bits, you know, like expensive vases, glass cups, maybe a glass table, certainly. Not a chair. Definitely not a chair. You're on Zoo's Brekkie. Foo Fighters wrapping up Zoo FM Breakfast for your Tuesday morning. It's been Keegan with you. Top of 25 in Dubbo today. 27 in Cobar. Full weather coming up a couple of minutes away after the local and national news. Tomorrow on the show, of course, animal news. Talk to William Manure in early because we won't be here on Friday. And also your cheat sheet to what's on over the weekend in the next couple of days with someone from Dubbo Regional Council. 80s are at work is next. Zoo Brekkie.