EPISODE 3 SEASON 2

The podcast hosts discuss the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. They talk about different styles of love, such as eros love, and how love can be conditional or unconditional. They also discuss the importance of reciprocation in a relationship and how love can change over time. They touch on the idea of falling in and out of love and the need to nurture and cultivate relationships. Hey, hey, hey, what it do, people? Hey, welcome to Word of Mouth Podcast with Nate and Shelby. We are in it today, Season 2. I don't know what episode this is, but we just opened it. Episode 3. Episode 3, yes. Episode 3. What up, Shelby? Not much. How are you? Peachy, peachy. Yes. It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Hey, listen. We want to talk about an uncomfortable conversation that we just literally... Talk about it as uncomfortable. You're right. We literally were just talking about it, so we're actually going to just flow, flow, and flow. So whatever's said, it ain't scripted. I promise you it ain't scripted. We're just really comfortable with talking about uncomfortable things. Yes. Absolutely. All right, and today's topic we want to chat about is the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. Loving someone and being in love with someone. Whoa. Of course, I usually start off with a question, and I definitely got a couple of questions. How do you think of them so fast? They just come to mind so quick. I guess. Of course, I do want to start off with a scripture. The Bible says that there is faith, there is hope, and there is love, but the greatest of those three is love, and so we want to make sure that we stay on the concept of what love is. The Bible gives an account that God is love, and we really don't want to miss the importance of God's love for us and what we are to share with others. All right? So we're going to talk about the difference between love and being in love. So I got a question here. Okay, I'm going to buckle myself in now. There you go. All right. Do you feel like you've loved before? Just loved? Yeah, just the word love. Absolutely. All right. All the time. Now, okay, I guess let me start it from this way. There are styles of love. Okay. I want to talk about one of the styles of love that is given, and it's called eros love. Eros love is... Erotic. It's that kind of love that you share with a significant other. Or more than that. Or more than that, right. That's not really love, though. That is so true, because you think you may be in love and that love can be lost. Yes. It's a four-letter word. Yes, and it starts with L. And it starts with L, so you've got to be careful and know the difference. Maybe that should be a question. What's the difference between love and lust? I think a lot of people get those confused. Why is that? Tell if I know. Why is that, people? Why is that? Why do we get love and lust mixed up? Is it because it's physical? I think it might go back to how you were programmed as a kid. Okay. And what you saw growing up. Okay. If you didn't see, like, an unconditional type of love in your youth, maybe. Uh-huh. I don't know. That's actually really good. It goes to what we saw, what we saw in the household, what we saw even watching TV. That could play a major part. Never thought about it in that perspective. You know, if you grew up in a place where there was a revolving door of people. Whoa. I think you're going to have more of a lust type of... Wow. Hmm. That's a good way of saying that, because will that be love if it's a revolving door? Well, I think that you've been shown. You might have been told that that was love as you grew up, right? But that's why we're talking about the confusion of the two things, because that's what you grew up to know love as. Right. But in reality, that's more of a lust. I don't think it's love at all, especially based on the word that we talk about a lot, consistency. If you're going to be consistent in that thing, I mean, the door can't continue to be... I'm being consistent in that lust. There it is. So with love. With love. That four-letter word that we were afraid to say at times. I know when I was a kid... Oh, yeah. You didn't ever want to spit that one out. Oh, my God. Can't say you love him unless you do, because it'll be some trouble. And also, I remember a song back in the day. It was called Thin Line Between Love and Hate. And I thought that hate was the opposite of love. I found out that hate is not the opposite of love. Fear is the opposite of love. Hate is a manifestation of fear. So if I say I hate someone, it's because I'm scared of being in that environment. You want to distance yourself. Yep. So with that, and that's biblical. So with that, I want to talk to you, Shelby, about love. You've never been just head over heels for a person. That kind of love that you just... It's just all them. Mm-hmm. How did it feel? At the time, it was amazing. Gotcha. Now, that feeling, as you said, at that time, it was amazing. Did you think that you were in love, or did you just love them? No, I was in love. So what is in love? My definition of in love, I'm on the fence with the word in, because if you can come in something, you can go out of it. So I'm very careful when I say I'm in love, because that's a revolving door in which you just spoke about. I'm careful when I say that. It can change. It can change. It's changeable. But growing up, I thought I was in love. Conditional. Yeah. There it is. So what's your take on being in love? I think that kind of explains the difference, because when you love someone, like we're supposed to love people, right? When you love someone, it is kind of, it's a... Like you definitely have feelings for them. You would be crushed if something happened to them. You want the best for them, all of that stuff. But I think that we determine our significant others by being in love with them, quote, unquote, because we're saying it's separate from that blanket love. Ah, so in love. Like I love you, you love me, but we're not in love. So I think we use the words in love to designate a different type of love, a different type of importance, a different type of significance. Who made this up? I don't know. Why are you asking me these questions? I don't know. I don't know. It sounds weird. Like you say, I can love you and you can love me, and we're all in this boat of love, but we're in the boat, in, the preposition in, we're in this together. So we're not in love? Am I thinking too deep in that? Okay, but we're not all in a boat. Like in the world, we're in a big world. Okay, I love people that I don't even, haven't met personally, and they can be anywhere in the world. So we're not in a boat. We're not in a confined space. But you're in the world. Well, yeah, but where else am I going to love them? It's not like we're in different galaxies or space. So you're saying that you're in the world, but you're not in love with them. That's what I'm saying. I love them, but I am not in love with them. You love them, but you're not in love with them. Yeah, I think it's a designation. I think it's a human term of designation of a difference in relationship. Okay. And I do think there are different feelings that go along with that. With being in love and just being in love with a person. Yes. Okay. So do you think you do more when you're in love? Yes. For the person? Yes. Hmm. And this is only a significant other. And I think there's more facets to the love than there is when you just love someone. Hmm. Name a few of those. When you're loving them physically, the lust comes into it, the eros, all that stuff. There's like doing anything for them, like you'd spare your life for them. Not spare your life, give your life for them. All that kind of stuff. You would defend them. You would secure them. You would promote them. To me that sounds like a scape love. Like that means, I mean, Jesus did all of those things for us. So was Jesus in love with us? I think actually he kind of was in love with us. Talk about it. Well, you just explained it. I mean, someone can take that. Someone can take that and say, well, not that kind of in love with us. Like, you know, what kind of in love are you talking about, Nate? Or what kind of love are you speaking about, Shelby? Because you're saying that Jesus was in love with all those people that beat him and, you know, spit on him and crucified him. Like he was in love with those people. You already know that they were talking about the women that he was, you know. Well, even, I mean, just because it's my definition doesn't mean it has to be everybody's definition. I'm purely talking from my own perspective. You do not have to agree with me. Gotcha. Or appreciate it or anything. Amen. Yeah. That's just my perspective. That's just my definition of it. That's both of us, especially for Word of Mouth Podcast. We want you all to know that this is just dialogue that we are touching and getting a better understanding of what people are afraid to talk about. So. And showing you how we can talk without it getting escalated, without it being. Crazy. Yeah. Or we can have differing opinions and we're okay. Absolutely. So. It's respectful. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. So, if I can look back over my life, I think that there were times where I just loved and there were times, based upon your definition, that I was probably in love. I may have done more than expected of the people that, quote, unquote, I was in love with. But I didn't know that it was a difference because I always felt like if I'm in something, I can get out of it. That was just my thought about it. So, if I loved you, I just, I loved you. And it was an unconditional thing until it became conditional. Ouch. But don't you think. I told myself. Yeah, and I think there's stages to relationships. Mm-hmm. I mean, if I speak about my marriage, I definitely was in love. Okay. But I didn't stay in that place. So, did it simmer down to just love? Yeah, but it wasn't a good thing. It was just, it was just what it was. Okay. So, let me ask a question to that. Love asking Shelby questions. So, did the love after the in love and then it simmered down to just love, was it a like? And is there a difference between like and love? Absolutely, there's a difference between like and love. Really? I can love you, but I might hate your guts. What? Not Shelby. She loves everyone. Jesus tells me I have to love you, so I'm going to love you, but I might not like you too much. Wow, that is true. That is true. And there's some people you love, but you don't want to like spend your days with them and hang out with them all the time because. That's what I see when I, I did a post today and I said, have you ever loved someone or, yeah, have you ever loved someone, but you found out that they didn't even like you? Or something to that effect. Been in love, I thought you said been in love. Yeah, been in love. Yeah. And my perspective on that is, how can you, why would you want to spend quality time with a person that you don't like? Is it based upon your agreement of marriage? Is it based upon what people may see because you are, quote unquote, a leader in some aspect? Like, if you don't like them, why treat them that way? Why even manipulate them to think that you like them? Well, it's not right to do if you're not already in a committed relationship. That's not okay. I think, though, when you're married, when you're married, golly, I can talk today. I think when you're married, you go, you get into spaces where you don't really like that person. I think that's just a natural part of being married. But it's, you're trusting you're going to get out of that space. And you're trusting that things are going to change. You're trusting that you're going to put the effort in, at least for me, you're going to put the effort in to make things change or get better. So I think that there's a certain amount of not liking that person, but you're trying to fight through it. And hoping you're going to come out on the other side feeling the way you did in the past. Gotcha. You're trying to, you know, reinvent that. You're trying to bring it back. So like is conditional. Oh, yeah. I think that's where I went wrong. I thought you're supposed to like me and love me like both of those went hand in hand. Because you can dislike. I'm looking at it now from a friendship standpoint. There have been times where I had friends that I disliked for a period of time because they pissed me off or they may have done something that I didn't approve of. Right. And so I disliked. But you still loved them. And I still loved them. So like is just condition. Uh-huh. Huh. I thought they went hand in hand. I don't think so. I don't think so. I think they're separate. So you can love me and not like me. Uh-huh. Do you like me? I do like you. Well, that's so amazing. Can you love your kids and not like me? Yes. And the same for them and me. I mean, they can love me and not like me. I know there's days they don't like me. There's a lot of those days. Man. I'm today years old to really put the two together. Really? Yeah. I thought that love and like, like if you love a person, man, why not like them too? I mean. No, don't you, can't you go back to times when you were married and there was something that she did that you didn't like and it kind of, the like was not there. Well. But the love was there. The like for the action. I disliked the action, but I didn't dislike her. I just disliked what she did. Well, maybe then it's my problem that I can't separate the two. No, but it makes sense though because maybe the action set root and I begin to dislike the person. Yeah. Until something changed because it's conditional until something changed and then I begin to like the person again. I'm looking at it from friends, from family. I can't say that I honestly liked some siblings at times. Oh, I think that definitely in family you experience love without like and it comes and goes. Definitely in family. Definitely. There's no question. Mm-hmm. My brothers would agree. Yeah. I'm sure. My uncles would too. I agree with that. So I'm today years old. Thank you. Thank you for breaking that down. I thought that they had to walk hand in hand. Mm-hmm. No, I think you can love someone and really, really, really have a thorn in your side. Wow. About them. Good perspective because with that thorn I'm learning how to give them grace because of the dislike. Absolutely. That is so good. And mercy. Oh, you preach it. You preach it on that one. Thank you. So I'm going to go back to this in love and love. Thank you for that. I really appreciate it. So being in love with someone allows me to, in your words, want to do more for them. Want to, I guess, be that person more to them if I'm in love with them? I think so. I think that you strive more to please them. You want them to be happy. You want everything they want for themselves. You want to become a better person for them. Mm-hmm. And hope that it's reciprocated, of course. Amen. So here's a big question. Which one comes first? Love? Love. Or in love? Love comes first. Break it down for me. Why does love come first? Because as a believer, I think you're supposed to live in that place, period. So everyone you encounter, you should be loving at the base of whatever, the foundation of whatever kind of relationship, acquaintance, whatever, friendship. I think you just have to love humanity, period, because that's what we're instructed to do. Now, I think there are some, I mean, even being acquaintances, there are some you're going to love more than others just because of the depth of the relationship, whether you're friends or not. You know what I mean? Like friendship denotes a different kind of relationship than acquaintance. So you're going to have more depth of love for that person than you do for an acquaintance because the depth of the relationship is different. Same with being a lover. You're going to have the depth of relationship is different. So there's going to be more love there. And that's where you get to the in love situation. So you walk into it more. There you go. I am getting this thing, man. You're helping me today. So you're walking into that, down that tunnel of love. The tunnel of love. Until you get inside that area, that's when you, I guess, experience the in love. Now, of course, my next question would be, when do the, or does the in love change? It certainly can. After you get in that space of in love, like, it can change? It certainly can. Is it because of reciprocation? Is it because of? It can be because of all kinds of things. Reciprocation is a big one. Probably the biggest one. Okay. So shooting the question up right there. I love questions. How do you know that they are in love when you are in love? I think you see it in their actions. I think you see it in how they treat you. I think you see it in how they behave around you. How they respect you. How they cover you. Wow. How they look at you. I mean, there's a whole gamut of ways. And I would think they would express it on occasion. We hope. I mean, reciprocation is a huge, huge thing if you're talking about love. Absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, reciprocation is huge in any relationship. Yes. But definitely more so when you're in a romantic relationship. I agree with that. I guess my take on it, and I ask you questions a lot so I can get a better understanding. One of the things that I've experienced, I may have been in a situation where either myself or the other person was in love, but we were, the Stevie Wonder song, we were part-time lovers. So I think we were part-time in love and then part-time out of love. And because it was different. Some days it was cool, some days it wasn't. So I felt like I was in a part-time situation instead of a full-time situation. And for me, I think that's why I got a perspective of being in love and being out of love. So I just kind of did away with the in-love thing and I just said, if I love you, I love you. And if I don't, I don't. Because it was part-time. Okay, if that's the case, then how do you designate that relationship as any different than any other relationship you have in your life? They're put in categories. For me, it's different categories. You have the eros, you have the pragma, you have the ludas. So those categories and styles of love, for me... You are way in your head. Just finding out I'm deep, y'all. No, no, no. I mean, you've admitted it before, but yeah, I'm seeing how it works. Yeah, yeah. So, I don't know, I'm hearing some things today that it's allowing me to see it from a different perspective. Because I did away with that word when you said it today. When you said it today, I was like, hmm, in love. Yeah, let's talk about it. Because I didn't kind of like that word. I felt like there was an exit. Well, I also think that, you know, when a relationship goes on for so long, there are times that you can be in love and they are not. And they can be in love and you are not. Yes. And those get to be very difficult times. Yes. And they can... They can lead to both being not in love any longer. Right. No love, no life, no nothing. No nothing. And it's... Stay far away from me. It began to taint the word in and out. For me, it tainted the word in and out. It didn't change my perspective on love, though. But I think that, yes, you can definitely fall out of love. There's no question. Love has to be cultivated. Wait. You can do what again? You can fall out of love. Fall out of love? If you can fall in, you can fall out. And not in the spirit. Oh. So you do know that there's a part two coming. Because I didn't even touch on the falling in and falling out. What? You can fall out of love? Yes. What? When things aren't reciprocated, do you think you're just going to stay in love with that person? Really? So that's the same thing as... A lot of people do. Like, they want to drag it with them like it's going to change. But it ain't. So that's the same thing of being in love? Falling in love? Yeah. That's the same thing? Yeah. I think. Again, I'm only speaking for myself. But you can fall out of love for sure. Wow. That's why it has to be cultivated. It has to be nurtured. And any relationship has to be nurtured. Friendships have to be nurtured. Business partnerships have to be nurtured. In their own ways. In their own respects. Yes. Romantic relationships have got to be nurtured. Nurtured. Okay. Okay. Because you can fall out of it. Yeah. If it's not nurtured. Right. Thank you. I'm today years old. This is actually really good. We've got to come back and do a part two. Are we already? Yeah. We're already at that time. So we're going to come back. We're going to do a part two to the difference between love and being in love. Subtitle, falling in or falling out of love. We'll see you shortly. Love ya. Love ya.