Worst of the Worst

The hosts discuss their visit to a local library and highlight the various amenities and activities available besides books. They then introduce a special episode where they discuss records that didn't make the cut for their podcast. They play snippets of two records, "Walk Like the Animals" and "Let's Be Together Today," and comment on their quality. The hosts mention that they sometimes split records into multiple episodes if one side is better than the other. So Steve, are we going to start with a cold open on this one? Yeah, I think so. Pretty good. We don't have to, unless you're just really burning with something. With desire? Of course. Of course you're burning with desire. Welcome back to the Vinyl Word Podcast. As always, I'm Steve Beach. And I'm Brian Mayer. How are you? We are, again, at the Greenwood Public Library. I just want to take a moment, we always say we're thankful to be here, and we are. But I also just want to say a couple of things about the library itself. I think these days people think, oh, it's library books, nobody reads books that much. Why do we need to go to a library, right? But this is an awesome library. If you live in the Greenwood area, you really need to visit this library. I mean, they've got, of course, the podcasting studio. And just right outside, as I look through this window, they have a whole maker studio where you can 3D print stuff. You can, like the Cricut vinyl stuff, you can make stuff. You can do that here. You can sew. Just all kinds of cool stuff. Yeah. They also have individual reading pods. They have a really, it's a lovely setup. It is. It really is. It is. And they have these little kids that you can check out, too, if you want to do crafts at home. That's with a T, not a D. So in the kids area downstairs, they have these STEM kids, like science, technology, engineering, and math. So there's little kids you can check out that are age-appropriate, depending on what grade your child is in. So just a lot of cool stuff besides just books. So anyway, it's just kind of neat. But this is a unique one-off episode, which I have been looking forward to. Really? Yeah, really. Because, you know, as we've talked about, we've seen so many different records. And some of them we look at, we're like, eh, it's funny or it's weird, but it wouldn't make for a whole podcast. But they're still kind of interesting to listen to, or sometimes the covers in themselves are like, what were they thinking? Yeah. They're jokes in themselves with the covers, so. Right. And we're going to do a separate video slash pod that is going to go into more regarding the covers. Right. Because some of these covers deserve to be seen, even if the record does not deserve to be listened to. Right, right. It doesn't have to be something, you know, riff-worthy on the record. Just the cover itself is riff-worthy. Oh, good heavens, yes. So, but yes, today we are going to talk about the records that didn't make the cut. As Steve and I have learned as we got into this, Steve had a much clearer idea that the hole that these records fell into was deep and wide. Yes. And I did not know this. I foolishly thought that we would run out of material relatively quickly, and I was wrong. I was so, so very wrong. Aren't you thankful that I'm strange that way? Yeah, I really am. Hey, are we getting ready to go into season three in a few months? Yeah. So, but today we're going to look at some of the records which fit some criteria, but not all criteria. Right. And we're going to play snippets of some of the records so that you guys can hear what it is that we heard or we thought was going to be on there, but was not there. Like I said, there's, you know, there's some funny moments or just odd moments, but not enough to really, that was worthy of an entire 20 or two episodes of the podcast. Oh, yeah. 100%. You know. And we have learned this, Steve and I also, you know, and just because we start doing a record, sometimes one side is better than trying to do both. Yeah. We've learned that recently. Yeah. With The Singing Lady. Yep. We split up the one side into three episodes. Yep. And did nothing with the second side. Yep. Yeah. We're trying to like really follow one of the basic rules of all killer, no filler. So the first record that we are going to talk about, Steve, is a record that we actually, we played a little bit of during one of our episodes. Yes, we did. There was an episode where it was not a very long one. It was one of the Jack Armstrong episodes. Yeah, it was during the Jack Armstrong episode. And so we were playing snippets of records that had children's songs because children's songs is an entire subcategory. We look at YouTube and we see all of these like songs for kids and programs for children and you think, oh yeah, it's a new thing. It's nice. Yeah. But it's not a new thing. No. It's not. It ain't a new thing at all. No. But we're going to do one from Walk Like the Animals. We talked about Walk Like the Animals. Like I'm just going to play a few seconds of one of the songs so that you can hear. The cover is cute. The songs were adequate at best and... The insert is interesting. We might want to do the insert of that one for the video. Oh, believe me, Steve, we are. I won't say anything more than that. Yeah. So, but here's just a few seconds of Walk Like the Animals. See, and immediately you can realize, oh, I'm glad they didn't play more of this. Right. It's definitely a kid's song. Yeah. I'm imagining a little like kid's dial-a-phone. Yeah. And I'm playing the side that says that there are words to it. One side is vocals and music and the other is instrumental only. You can see how much work they put in to get it in vocals here. Yeah. And I'm done with it. Yes. I am too. That's... Was that the side that was, I guess, music only, obviously? No. No? It was... That was just lazy writing. Just a 20-second intro, I guess. Yep. Absolutely. So the next one we're going to do is a little bit of a character who you may or may not know. His name is Fred Rogers. Oh, yeah. Mr. Rogers. Mr. Rogers. Mr. Rogers put out an album called Let's Be Together Today. And it has his lovely mug with his warm, inviting blue eyes smiling at you. Yeah. A very young Fred Rogers. Yeah. With amazing teeth. Amazing teeth and hair that has so much bristle cream you'd think there was a corporate sponsorship. Yes. Exactly. This one is just songs that he did. And so I'm just going to drop the needle on just one part. And Steve and I made an agreement when we began this that we would never, ever make fun of Mr. Rogers. Right. So we saw this. We thought about it. And then we each agreed. Yeah. No. Yeah. Well, let's just play a few more seconds of another one. Oh, okay. Let's go on to the next one. Sure. Fathers were all little boys. Is that the end of the song? Yeah. Okay. That's enough, I guess. Well, next is the alphabet song. So if you're a little girl, you can get to be a mother, too. And if you're a little boy, you can get to be a daddy. Aw. And while you're getting to be grown up, just be a little boy. And if you're a little girl, you can get to be a mother, too. And if you're a little boy, you can get to be a daddy. Aw. And while you're getting to be grown up, just be a little boy. And if you're a little girl, you can get to be a mother, too. And if you're a little boy, you can get to be a daddy. Aw. And while you're getting to be grown up, just be a little boy. And if you're a little girl, you can get to be a mother, too. And if you're a little boy, you can get to be a daddy. Aw. And while you're getting to be grown up, just be a little boy. And if you're a little girl, you can get to be a mother, too. And if you're a little boy, you can get to be a daddy. Aw. And while you're getting to be grown up, just be a little boy. 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And while you're getting to be grown up, just be a little boy. Aw. And while you're getting to be grown up, just be a little boy. Aw. And while you're getting to be grown up, just be a little boy. That is wild. So I'm just gonna drop the needle partway through this and we'll listen to that just for a few. He would freeze to find out what the crocodile asked for dinner. Oh yeah. That's very poo. And he also thanked him once more for luck. So he asked him most politely to stop. Then he went away a little more. Wow. Yeah. I'm hearing poo and poo only. Yeah. Eating melons and throwing... Did Sterling Holloway just legally change his name later? To Winnie. Yeah. Yeah. Winning Holloway. Yeah. He also did, in a jungle book, oddly, you know, Richard Kipling as the snake. Yeah. He was the snake. Yeah. So this one, Steve and I fell down a hole of radio shows. Yeah. That's crazy. And we really, really enjoyed being able to do Jack Armstrong, the Wheaties one. Yeah. That was different. Those were great. And Steve, doing some digging, found a two record set of the adventures of the Fantastic Four from the Marvel Comics radio series. I remember showing my kids that and just reminding them that Fantastic Four has not been around just since the year 2000. Yeah. It's been around since radio days. And the only thing I'm going to really add about this is that Bill Murray is listed as the voice of Johnny Storm. What? Yeah. Who is that Bill Murray? Although, let's find out. We could be wrong. I could be. Yeah. I'm sure if it was night news radio, I'm sure it wasn't Bill Murray. I know. I want to assure everyone also, whatever year this was made, which we're having trouble tracking down, Stan Lee made a cameo on this record. He still managed to do that. Yeah. Just like in the movies. He was doing cameos before film existed. Right. He still, yeah. What an exhausting life he must have lived. So here, I'm just going to drop and we'll see what we're listening to this time. I'm going to paste you one right in that slug face of yours. I've been wanting to do this for a long time. Ben, wait. Ben. What's happening to him, sis? I don't know. That is Bill Murray. His skin is cracking. He's turning into orange rocks. Wait, Ben. Don't try to talk yourself out of this. Let's do it. I'm going to nail you. It is. Look, he pulled that tree right out of the ground. It is. Yeah. Bill Murray. 1963. Oh, okay. Yeah. He must have grabbed like a radio script and then re-recorded it. Oh, Reed. Not you, too. What's going on, sis? What's happening to Reed's arms and legs? That is Bill Murray. Yes, it is. We were wrong. Wow. That is Bill Murray. That is Bill Murray. That is Bill Murray. That is Bill Murray. That is Bill Murray. That is Bill Murray. That is Bill Murray. That is Bill Murray. That is Bill Murray. That is Bill Murray. That is Bill Murray. That is Bill Murray. That is Bill Murray. That is Bill Murray. That is Bill Murray. That is Bill Murray. That is Bill Murray. 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Oh, yeah. How to train your dog. How to train your dog. So we picked up, not all activities are really exciting to listen to, to how to do. No. No, they are not. So, Steve, you want to read what this one is that's teaching us how to do? Here, it's not part of the Hear How To series, but it does say, Hear How To Touch Type for Beginners or Refresher Courses. And the picture is not a computer. It's an old typewriter. Yeah, it is. So you're going to learn here in a few seconds on how to touch. Oh, yeah, and it even comes with instructions. Yep. There's papers in there. Uh-huh. And it gives you a keyboard. What else is in there? A diagram of a typewriter. Yeah, there's a diagram of a typewriter showing you, like, the return carriage, the paper, the keys, the ink. Yes, I said ink. Uh-huh. Not like a printer ink, but typewriter ink. Typewriter five-year guarantee. How to put on the cover of a typewriter when you're not using it. Uh-huh. Yeah, this is awesome material. Yeah. This clearly came with a Brother typewriter because it includes the warranty card for the typewriter. I didn't catch that before. That's incredible. Yeah. Okay, so let's just write here. Remain uncovered. Always rest your fingers on home row keys lightly. Do not lean heavily as this might cause you to accidentally press an unwanted key. Or push the typewriter off the desk. Right. You are now ready to start typing. Ooh, exciting. Watch your hands resting in home row position. Then look at the chart starting with the letters F, E, F, A. By the way, he's saying home row. There's an R in there. Covered by your left hand. And the keys covered with your right hand. Okay, that's enough of that. Yeah. But yeah, so not everything made the cut there. Right. But we have it. So if anybody wants to learn how to type, there it is. Yeah, by the record. You don't need to watch a video on YouTube or play a game and learn how to type. Just by the record. Right. So, and this next one, I was very amused by. Steve found this one. I'm going to be saying that a lot because this man's quench for the weird is... Yeah, that's me. It's unassailable. Yeah. So this one is Invitation to Hebrew with Dr. Mordecai Komrock. So this should be like it's in a Mel Brooks movie. Yeah. Where they're listening to how to speak Hebrew. Yeah, it's like it literally is just, oh, you want to talk about it? Like let's, oh, here. The Hebrew concept of learning or meaningful prayer in Judaism. Let's do Hebrew concepts of learning. Okay. What would occur to you first when you think about Jewish learning? I know only one word here, and that's moreh, the word for teacher in Hebrew. Yes. Ani moreh. I am a teacher. But what does a teacher give? What is his function and what is his material? May I make a guess? And does he wear pants? Perfect. Torah is the essential and central word. I know what that is, Torah. That's something to do with the Bible. And if you add an S, it's a car from Ford. Yes. What does this word really mean? Fascinating. Interesting. Yeah. But not very exciting for a comedy fodder. No, it's not. But the good news is, for this one, it's a two-record set. Hey. So it can be twice as boring. But this one also comes with a catalog and a study book. And it comes with a Torah and a scroll. It also comes with a yarmulke, too, doesn't it? You know what? It's maybe a dreidel, but like an inflatable dreidel. Yeah. An inflatal. An inflatal. I like it. All right. So now we're going to get into more of the ones from the 70s, which are Hanna-Barbera. Yes. Hanna-Barbera made tons of cheap cartoons in the 70s. They made so much money. Yeah. Yeah, because it was cheap to animate. And then they, you know, but, yeah, made gobs of money. Right. And so in this one, they were attacking public domain. And they made Hanna-Barbera's Snagglepuss and The Wizard of Oz. Heavens to Megatron. Yeah. Existential lefties, then. Steve's impressions are actually, they make me jealous, because it's a good Snagglepuss. No, it should be very sad to you, because it just shows how much cartoons I watched as a child. So I'm going to play just a few seconds of Snagglepuss here. Hey, just follow the setting sun. But be careful. The Wicked Witch of the West has enslaved all the Winkies. All the Winkies? And they will make slaves of you. How did he get in my head? So Dorothy and her friends headed west into the setting sun. They had gone only 20 miles into the land of the Winkies before the Wicked Witch of the West spotted them. The Winkies, then. Yep. I would love to do that one, but I don't want to make Hanna-Barbera mad, right? Because we don't have money to pay them in court. Yep. And not only that, this record was pretty beat up. Yeah. We learned in doing this that you could almost tell the educational quality of a record by its condition. Yeah, how much it was used. Yeah. The less educationally viable it was, the more frequently it was played and scrapped. Right. And I think the touch type writing in the Hebrew one was probably like, looks like new. Freaking pristine. Exactly. So, yeah. There was one of those. I forget which one it was, but seriously, there was one that I found that was still sealed in plastic. And it wasn't like resealed. It was original plastic. Right. I don't remember, but it was one of the older ones. I'm like, this record's like 40 years old and it's never been opened. I think it's the CB language one or something like that. Yeah. It was just, yeah. I forget which one it was, but it was just weird just thinking how old it was and it had never been cracked open from the plastic. Right. And this one, I think it's going to be the last one that we do this time. I am adored. Like, this one is just incredible. The record, Steve, what's it called? Why Mommy? Yeah. Songs and rhyme answers for children to everyday questions. Why Mommy? Yep. So, we're going to listen to just a couple of seconds. But again, this is one of those where the ideas that we have are more funny than what is actually here. Yeah. Just looking at like some of the tracks, you know, Why is the Sky Blue? Why do Stars Twinkle? Why Can't I See in the Dark? Yeah. Meow. Do animals talk to one another just like me and you? I'm sure, I'm sure, I'm sure, I'm sure in their own way they do. I think he's sure about it. Yeah. What do animals talk about? Yeah. See, this is, the idea is much, much funnier than the execution here. And no amount of humor that Steve and I lay over the top of this is going to change the fact that this is bad. Or a donkey brays. In Tijuana. Does it mean hello or go away? When a cat meows. Meow. Or a dog bow-wows. Woof, woof. Does it mean hello or go away? He said bow-wow, but the dog went arf, arf. Right. What do animals talk about? Yeah. Mainly the weather. Sometimes politics. I'm sure, I'm sure, I'm sure. I'm sure that that is done. Yes. Again, sometimes, like, you know, you have a solid idea and the execution is just not there. Yeah. Or they thought the execution was great and now, you know, fast forward 40 years and we go, yeah, no. Yeah. A lot of these are more than 40 years. Steve, we discovered Bill Murray. Yeah, oh, I know. Doing a Marvel radio drama. That was before Saturday Night Live. Yeah. Then you say it was like 63 or something like that? Yeah, 62, 63. Yeah, Saturday Night Live started 78. 78. 78. Yeah. He was recording stuff before he was on SNL. Yeah. Doing stand-up. I just, I can't believe that because I saw the name on there and I was like, ha, ha. There's somebody named Bill Murray out there. Right. But it was obviously him. Wow. That's interesting. Yeah. And we learned that in real time. Right. Exactly. It's like 1950s. And this is all just to say there's tons of weird stuff out there. Yeah. And we're not going to be indiscriminate with it. Right. Steve, I don't know about you, but I'm beginning to feel like I'm becoming like this strange, almost sommelier of spoken word records. Yeah. Where, you know, like I'm just developing these tastes and this very specific ear where you can hear it and you're like, there's something there. Yeah. You can listen 10 seconds of it and go, yeah, or mm. Right. You get to know. Yeah, because some of us were like, eh, maybe this did make the cut. Yeah. We just hadn't listened to it before. Well. Maybe you'll hear more of it later, another episode. There's, you think you know something and then you listen to it and it's not what you thought it was going to be. Right. Like that was, that was the Betty White record to me. I was sure. Oh, yeah. That it was going to be a dance instruction, but it was going to have her making funny quips. Right. About dancing or making jokes during their dancing. And 0% of Betty White. Yeah. I was so disappointed. Yeah. It just, it's like, it hurt my heart. Yeah. But on your, you know, it is, you know, you guys listen, you know, and you're searching if you're spending time, you know, Goodwill or just on the internet looking at other stuff and you find something that's like really weird, even if you don't play the whole thing, but you just think we might enjoy it, you know, feel free to send it to us, you know, at vinylwar22 at gmail.com. We would love to just check it out, you know, and maybe purchase it or whatever. But yeah, I mean, we've gotten a slew of records. I have to mention this. So I don't know if you know locally who Marty Bender is. So he works with, if you're familiar with Bob and Tom. So he does some production stuff for them. But we were able to get in touch with him during one of these record shows. And he came over to our table and saw, you know, what we do. And he was like, I have a ton of those records at home. We were like, do you? Yeah. And this was like five months later, you know, he'd given me his card and stuff. So I contacted him and was like, yeah, why don't you meet me up at the, you know, studio or whatever if I need to stay a second. And so we literally had a tote bag full of records, you know, and some of those that you listened to, you know, in this episode were on there. Yes. And it was just interesting. And I want to thank Marty also because he, his tastes for comedy are pretty unique. Yeah. He intentionally seeks out and collects these spoken word records. Yeah. And, you know, like that was part of what, like, I think what brought him over to our table was that he was like, nerd. Nerd. Nerd. Nerd. Nerd. Nerd. Yeah. And so, yeah, it's exciting because he's given us some records that we are absolutely using. Yeah. And we will give him shine, give him credit. Right. But, again, like the thing for me is that culture evolves and these records are all these individual snapshots. Yeah. And some of them are purely educational, but they're educating and they're trying to get an idea across. All of these records have a purpose. But, like, without you and I doing this, there's no reason for these records to ever see the light of day. No. Which is why I like it. It's just, it kind of reminds me of just childhood and stuff. And I don't mean to wax nostalgic here, but just simpler times sometimes, maybe simple-minded. You're so old. I was born in 1972. But, no, it's just, it is interesting just, you know, how things were communicated here. Like, we just, you know, we send an email or we post something on social media or we create a website or whatever and the whole world hears it. And so those days, this is how you would get your message across, whether that's learning something, whether that's music, whether that's instructional or, you know, some kind of gospel message or whatever. That's how you would get your message across, you know. And not only how many religious records, different gospel trios, some local church put out a record, you know, whatever, some high school band put out a record. You know, just all these things. And, you know, at that time, they were probably like, oh, we produced a record. We're a professional. No, but they still made a physical thing, which is to be commended. It is. It is. And to me, it's kind of the equivalent today of somebody saying they have a podcast like you and I or they have a YouTube channel. It's kind of the same thing. You're not Hollywood famous, but you've got your own thing that you're doing, which is cool. You know, it's neat. It's exciting to be a part of those things. Yeah, that's how you would get, you know, your hobby, you know, your interest, whatever your thing is. You know, whether it's, you know, today it's, you know, Minecraft, you know, videos on how to play in there. This is what you would do. You would put out a record and say, this is our marching band. This is our gospel choir. This is our whatever. This is how people in the 70s annoyed people when they came over to their house. They were like, hey, do you want, yeah, this record's from my church. You want to listen to it? It's kind of like, hey, we have slides from our vacation. You want to watch those? No. Click. This is us getting on the bus. This is us getting on the plane. This is us getting off the plane. Which is the equivalent of people coming over to our homes now and we're like, hey, did you know I have a podcast? Right. And they're like, yes, we know. We don't care. We don't care. We just don't. Or in my house, it's the equivalent of my kids going, hey, Dad, have you seen a Sony video on TikTok? Yeah. No, I haven't, but I don't care to see it. Yeah. I'm sure I've seen a hundred things similar of it. But anyway. There is nothing new under the sun. Exactly. But we digress. And on that note, Steve. On that note, yeah. So, yeah, feel free to contact us, vinylwar22 at gmail.com. Look for the video. We're going to do a video here in a minute of just some of the album covers. So make sure you look out for that, too. Absolutely. And as we close today, Steve, I want to remind you, not all records should be collected. And this episode confirms that. Yes, it does. Thank you.