Reclaiming Happiness After Rejection

This is the second episode of the Rejected Pre-Med Podcast, focusing on resources to help individuals cope with rejection from medical school. The host discusses insights from Gretchen Rubin's book, The Happiness Project, and emphasizes the importance of attitude and perspective in achieving happiness. Living in the present moment, practicing gratitude, and surrounding oneself with inspiring people and activities are also highlighted as key components of happiness. The host shares a breathing exercise and suggests weekly artist dates as a way to gain a fresh perspective and invite joy into one's life. Hello everyone, welcome to the second episode of the Rejected Pre-Med Podcast. This is a podcast for those who, like me, got rejected from medical school or any other professional school and are now trying to figure out where to go from here. Being in the midst of it all, with me, as we try to figure out what to do with our lives and how to stay mentally healthy and happy in the process. In the previous episode, I talked about my story and how it led me to starting this podcast. This episode is going to be something I call a resource episode. In my resource episodes, I'll be talking in depth about resources and pieces of knowledge I've accumulated to help me get over rejection from medical school. Specifically, this episode will focus on my insights from Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project book. And I'll also be referring to a few other articles concerning happiness. So, I chose to focus on Happiness Day because knowing how to achieve personal happiness will grant you with habits and discipline needed to overcome adversity and obstacles in your life, such as rejection per se. It can help you be in a mental state where you can think clearly about what your next steps should be. I also just want to show you that it is possible for a person to be happy while confronting life realistically and to be productive in the process. So, first and foremost, happiness begins with your own attitude and how you look at the world. We've all heard it before somewhere, right? But what does it mean? So, it is not what happens to you that determines how happy you are, but how you interpret what happens. So, for example, with me being rejected from medical school, I prefer to think of it as an opportunity to self-reflect on where I am in life and use the extra time I have for retreat and rest. I really believe that that will no doubt help me make a more informed decision about my future career path. Some other rejected students may seize the opportunity to travel or volunteer as a medical aide in a third world country, which is an experience that would not only make the student happy, but could also make them a better doctor in the future. On the other hand, viewing this rejection as a means to get down on yourself for not being good enough might be counterproductive and you end up being miserable. So, yes, happiness really is about how you look at the world and your circumstances. I totally, fully agree with that. Additionally, happiness is about living in the moment, appreciating the smallest things, and surrounding yourself with things and people that inspire you. And that is a quote I got from the Happiness Project book, and I agree with it. And there's a lot to unpack here in that sentence, so let us just start with the first point. So, living in the moment. What does it mean to truly live in the moment? This does not mean trying your hardest not to think about MCAT or med school applications while seemingly being present at your friend's birthday party and trying not to look distracted. To truly live in the moment means to let go of your worries and to really feel your own presence, and to stay in your body rather than get sucked into the content of your thoughts. And I speak from experience, because I had to learn it the hard way. Living in the present means to truly appreciate who you are now as an individual with your current qualities and talents. It means to stop tying your self-worth to your ideal future self who is already a doctor and making lots of money, and start feeling the inherent worth that is within you right now, right this second. So, say to yourself, even though you're not yet a doctor, you're still a freaking great person, nonetheless, who's deserving of love and compassion. And remember that. And don't be so harsh on yourself. Don't be so harsh on yourself. I repeat this because we, as pre-meds, and especially pre-meds who've been rejected from medical school, really struggle with that. We're too hard on ourselves. So, yes, staying in the moment, living in the moment. That is one of the keys to happiness. So, I'm saying all this stuff as if I already know how to really live in the moment, and sometimes I do, but there are days where I try to enjoy a Netflix show and suddenly a thought pops into my head about my multiple, unsuccessful MCAT attempts, and, you know, my mood slightly goes down. And this is unavoidable, right? We all have these thoughts from time to time. The key here is to trump these negative thoughts with positive ones that come from living in the moment. It's from enjoying that chat with your significant other. It's petting your dog or cat. I don't know. Sharing a meaningful conversation with a friend you haven't seen in a long time. When you fully engage in these beautiful moments that make up your life, your fears of failure and recent rejection would fade in the background more and more. And, again, I speak from experience. I know what I'm talking about. I'm that person who always lives in the future and thinks of what's going to be ahead and tries to plan everything in advance. But, if anything, my MCAT journey, my experience being rejected, has taught me that sometimes it's okay to let go and just let yourself relax and be in the moment. Okay. Oh, yes, another good thing to mention. A good exercise for when you try to be in the present moment, but your thoughts just will not leave you alone, is breath work. A good exercise is breath work. So, basically, what you do, you would, and everyone has a different way of doing breath work exercises, but the way I do it is you inhale deeply, you hold for about four counts, then exhale, and you hold for four counts. And you do this until you feel more calm. And this practice will allow you to focus on your breath, and it would bring you back to the present while letting the other thoughts fade in the background. Now, another part to being happy is appreciating the smallest things. Now, this is a habit that takes time to develop. What I did to practice gratitude, and I started this practice last year, I believe, is to say to yourself three things you're grateful for before you go to bed, whether big or small. It can be as small as saying, I'm grateful for the walk I took today at the park. I felt so calm and at peace. And as you say these things you're grateful for, try to really feel grateful for them too, right? Because saying you're grateful without trying to actually feel grateful for the thing you're saying you're grateful for is a waste of time. For example, if I go to bed and I think, oh, and I know I have this task ahead of me, I have to say these three things I'm grateful for, otherwise I will not be positive. So, and I tell myself, okay, I guess I'm grateful for the dish I had today for dinner. But if I don't really feel it, then it doesn't really count as something I'm grateful for. So, make sure you're really feeling grateful for whatever it is you're saying you're grateful for. I hope that makes sense. Okay, but, you know, and it may seem silly saying to yourself these things you're grateful for, but eventually, believe me, these kinds of thoughts that invite positivity into your life will become a part of your brain's neural networks. You might have learned that the brain is engaged in neuroplasticity in one of your neuroclasses, if you've had one, or your bioclass, I don't know, doesn't matter. This means the brain can be rewired to function in a way that can make you more happy. And practicing gratitude is a very effective way to do so. Now, I feel like I've talked too much already. So I really hope some of this stuff comes of value to you. And I think it does if you apply the knowledge I share with you here, right. The third component to being happy is surrounding yourself with things and people that inspire you. Now, you may be wondering, okay, Valeria, that sounds all nice, but how do I know what or who will inspire me? And if you're like me, you may have partially lost view of the things that have inspired you and brought you joy when you focus so much of your life on the premed path. But if I found a way to get inspired, you can too, with this very simple practice. I call it the weekly artist date. Before you skip over this part, tell yourself, I'm not an artist, so this doesn't apply to me. Just wait before I get to the point. Now, I do not consider myself an artist, really, because it seems like such a big loaded word. But I still did these artist dates, and they truly, truly helped me. Weekly artist date is about giving yourself time once a week, maybe two hours or so, to do something creative or inspiring, which I speak from experience, will, as an outcome, invite all kinds of joy into your life. And I personally got the idea of doing these artist dates from the book called The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron, which, by the way, I will do a separate episode on, because it had a great impact on my life. And even though the book is written for artists, I believe it is a gem of a book for anyone. Artist dates are something anyone can do. You don't have to be an artist. I'll give you an example of the artist dates I did in a second, but the purpose of these artist dates is to gain a fresh perspective that you may not get in your everyday routine, which can help lead you to professional or personal success in unpredictable ways, and also make you more happy. And according to research, novelty is stimulating, and thus is the key element to happiness. And by doing new things, which is what the artist dates are for, right, it does not have to be art in the traditional sense that you're doing for your artist dates. You are more apt to feel happy than people who stick to more familiar activities. That said, for your artist dates, you don't make yourself do something you dislike. Maybe do something you have always wondered about or wanted to try, but never really had the time to, or, I don't know, was too scared to fail at. The examples of my artist dates include going to a dance class, since I always had dancing, learning a song on the piano, going to a local museum, art gallery, I think, and one of the other artist dates I did was going to the library and picking out random books to read. I otherwise would have never picked out, right, and they were so random. One of them was about gardening, which I don't ever engage in. The other one was about health and wellness, and, yeah, I learned interesting things there, too. And the other book was about podcasting, and I think it was called Podcasting for Dummies, which is very interesting because I did not even think of having my own podcast then, right? I just picked out a random book, but look at me now recording an episode for my own podcast. I don't know. Coincidence? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe, maybe not. One other thing to mention about artist dates is it's better to do them alone, and I'll tell you why, but I promise you these things can still be fun if you are doing them alone. If not, well, there are still benefits to doing them with someone else, but it is most beneficial to do them alone. How many times did I say alone at this point? But anyways, artist dates are meant to help you find your thoughts and hear your inner voice, not the thoughts guided by your ego or your fears and insecurities or even the voices of your friends and family. An artist date can help you become more confident knowing you tried something new by yourself and you actually liked it without having to have someone else by your side. So, yes, artist dates are very simple and fun confidence boosters, and they're especially helpful after rejection. Again, I speak from experience. So, to reiterate, artist dates, do them, and do them alone if possible. Why? One, they help you gain a fresh perspective that can help you in unpredictable ways. Two, they make you more happy as research shows, and from my experience, they give you confidence. And who wouldn't want all those things I just listed, right? Yeah. We're soon coming near the end of the episode, and I just want to say thank you for listening to the end. It means a lot to me. And I just want to remind you that you are amazing. Wherever you are along the pre-med path does not define how smart or successful you are. You are already successful and deserving of praise for the person you are now outside of your accomplishments. So, again, you are already successful, one, and two, deserving of praise for the person you are now outside of your accomplishments. I repeat this because, as I said earlier in this episode, we as pre-meds tend to be very harsh on ourselves, and it helps to hear such words, and I really intend to be one of your supports throughout your journey. This episode, I talked about multiple ways to stay happy after rejection, which included the idea of living in the present, practicing gratitude, and finding things to inspire you, such as the artist dates. I would love to hear what you do to stay happy, so please DM me on Instagram or LinkedIn to share your insights. I really do love learning about the art of happiness because, at the end of the day, that's what life is about, right? Staying happy, being happy. And remember, happiness is not something we should consider only when life is going well or only when life is going bad. Happiness can be pursued in whatever condition life happens to offer, and I personally think that's beautiful. One thing I did not mention yet, which is pretty darn important for being happy, is leaning on people close to you for support when you're going through a rough time. And that goes without saying that you do that with people you trust. Let yourself open up with these people about your inner struggles, worries, insecurities, because it will most likely help you process the pain you've internalized and move on from it. Personally, at first, leaning on people for support felt very unnatural and uncomfortable for me because I had this false notion that it somehow made me more weak. But I eventually discovered that relying on people we trust for support and guidance actually gives us strength and perspective that we sometimes fail to find without consulting others. So remember that the next time you try to hide your pain and loss from others because you might think you're being strong, but it actually eats away at you and makes you ultimately less happy. And just in general for maintaining happiness, spend quality time with people you love and cherish, which is what you need to be doing to develop those deep, meaningful connections in your life. As Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project book said, having strong social bonds is probably the most meaningful contributor to happiness. Okay, I'll stop preaching now and end this episode. I hope you had as much fun listening to this episode as I had recording it. This is Valeria Ruznik, the host of the Objective Premium Podcast, and I thank you for listening. Objective Premium Podcasts